10 Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work
by Eddie Corbano1. Have A Relationship Plan For The Future
Know where you are heading. Have a light at the end of the tunnel.
What do you want to accomplish in you partnership? Have goals and a time frame when you want to be together. It is very important that you both have a hope to live for.
“Have a light at the end of the tunnel”
I think that this is the most common reason why some long distance relationships don’t work: they don’t have a plan, they just hope it will turn out right, that a miracle is going to happen. Certainly this also means you have to make sacrifices. At least one of you.
Realize that you most likely only have three options: she moves to him, he moves to her or both move to another place. Start talking about it as soon as you realize that you want to be together. The biggest mistake you can make is to hush it up.
2. Meet Regularly
Try to see each other every month at least once. Plan this ahead and include some activities, like town visits, museums, a weekend in a fancy hotel, etc. Make it a celebration, an explosion, something very special!
Soon this short meetings will be something you long for, something that you will align your life at.
Remember, you only get a real connection by touching, feeling and smelling a person. You don’t get scent with email or skype, or that initial wow you feel inside when you see your love.
So do everything you can to meet at least once a month.
3. Use Modern Technologies To Communicate
You need all the help you can get, so why not using the glorious benefits of a modern communication world:
- Get an e-mail account if you do not have one and write at least one e-mail to each other every day
- Use Skype or something similar to talk to each other for free. Believe me, it’s awesome watching a movie together while simultaneously talking on Skype
- Use Instant Messaging (I recommend the Yahoo Messenger)
- Use digital photographs and videos of your daily activities and send them via e-mail
- Use a webcam (this I can highly recommend)
Using all this electronic stuff will make it much easier for you both. Imagine how it used to be 100 years ago, when a letter used to take months.
4. Give Yourselves A Free Day
This one-sided communication – I mean with no physical interaction – can sometimes frustrate very intensively. It is possible that this frustration then comes to conflicts between you as an outlet for it. This could lead to misunderstandings that are very difficult to resolve per e-mail. Believe me one thing, you do not want to have a fight over e-mail or phone.
I then found it very helpful to insert a day or two without any communication. What then happens is that you miss each other very intensively and you usually find yourselves at a more higher level than you were before.
If the only way of interaction between you is canceled for a day or two, you will either progress or doubt. In any case you will know where you stand. This is also a good way to test your long distance relationship.
5. Write Extensive And Intimate E-mails
“The most important thing here is: be honest!”
Open yourself up completely. Write about your inner state, what you are feeling, what you dream about, what you hope for. As a rule of guidance: describe in your e-mails your inner state and in your phone-calls your outer state. Writing is more intense than verbal communication and allows you to be more intimate. That will create a tighter bond between you.
The most important thing here is: be honest! Don’t pretend you are someone you are not. Don’t put yourself in a better light. Long distance relationships only have a chance if both are completely honest and congruent.
My Recommendation For Further Reading:
- The Long-Distance Relationship Survival Guide - Secrets From Successful Couples Who Have Gone The Distance
- Long Distance Relationships: The Complete Guide - Proven Strategies For Building And Maintaining A Successful LDR
5 Must-See Related Posts:
About The Author:
Eddie Corbano is a breakup-coach, relationship-advisor and founder of LovesAGame. He suffered from a devastating break up in 1998. Since then, he dedicated his life to helping others getting the best of this existential experience. The overcoming of a break up is an important step to autonomy and independency. Eddie Corbano developed some new coaching programs, which focus on evolving inner strength and the power to set and reach any personal goal. (Article written on March 21st, 2007)
Show all posts by Eddie Corbano
272 Responses to “10 Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work”
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Recent Comments:
Just remember that “break-up is the light that shines on the path to the next person” IDK, I just thought of it…
Jessica | November 7, 2009 | more»
Thanks alot Eddie, for the great advice. My girl broke up with me about 6 weeks ago. Its been an emoational rollercoaster. I love her dearly and want her...
DCnative | November 7, 2009 | more»
hey everyone…..i just wanted some advice…maybe someone can help. well….me and my boyfriend of 4 years broke up about 3 months ago. we have a 3...
lia | November 7, 2009 | more»
@-XchelsX- - hey well i think i would have done the same thing to be completely honest like idk i get a lil jealous when i think he is talk in to other girls i...
holly | November 6, 2009 | more»
It probably isn’t advisable but people do seem to need to do it! I’ve talked to lots of women who have done different things. Sometimes they get...
Sarah | November 6, 2009 | more»
hi jen,
i understand your feelings but you should talk to him straightway that what does he want . You should ask him that which type of relationship he is expecting from you because it is going to be much easier for you in future if you guys have set up everything before because one side dedication doesn’t work for so long so it’s better to face the truth rather knowing the truth but trying to deny it.
hope you will think practically about this
I have a question for those that have a long term relationships. Sometimes when you are talking to each other it makes me wonder what others say to each other or how they always have something to talk about. To make a long story short I have been in a long distance relationship for about six months now and at the beginning we have been talking a lot basically sharing and learning about things from each other to the point where I basically learned everything about his life and he knows about mine. And now it has seem that when we talk there is less and less to talk about because we pretty much know what each other’s day is like. I understand that it isn’t necessarily to always have something to say to each other and that just the prescence of the person is enough at time but it makes it hard since I’m afraid that we might slowly drift apart. Another thing is that I have met this person online and with the way my schedule is and my family situations I can not see this person for about another year or maybe until August of next year.
Eddie…
Great article!! It’s always good to know that there are people like you who stay positive and provide positive feedback regarding long distance relationships! Everything you outlined in your article is true, LDR are not impossible, it’s about being strong and believing in what you have. You gave practical, doable and legitimate advice!
Hi to everyone who reads this.
I need a little help. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and we just had our first MAJOR argument last night. Sure, we’ve had discussion where we dont see eye to eye, but it seems those differences bring us closer. Not this time. I felt disrespected because of a video he favourited on YouTube. It was a bunch of barely legal girls dancing like… Well, it was very inappropriate and they barely had clothes. Thats saying a lot coming from me, since Im 18.
Well, I brought it up with him and he kind of flipped. I explained to him how I felt. That by favouriting that, or even watching it, he was somewhat lusting for those girls. Did he want me to dress like that or did he wish I looked like that? I dont know.
I told him all of my thoughts, how I felt disrespected, and how it really bothered me and he wasnt being empathetic at all. Nor sympathetic. In the end, I was the one that ended up apologizing so it wouldn’t lead to a break up. He says I threw everything out of proportion and I never said anything before when he was watching “other” videos *hint, hint* via the internet.
Was I wrong and did I throw everything out of proportion?
I just need some advice and anyones thoughts on this, please. And thanks to all who may help.
Big thanks to Eddie! This site had been an amazing help and guide for me. Its never let me down before.
@-XchelsX-
Hey i just got out of a long distance relationship. and well all i can really tell u is that Boys will be boys and watch that kind of stuff you know, but they will hit the age when they will soon realize to grow up and stop u know? but be carful with the guy haha.. might end up breakin ur heart
Great article.
My boyfriend actually found this a few months ago..
I wish he found this 3 years ago… would have saved soo much pain.
Me and my LD have been on and off for 3 years. This time around we’ve stayed together for 5 mouths as of the 8th. We are extremely happy right now, he’ll be coming to see me for the first time in 8 months. I met him on chatpit..
Many people dont think this can work.. bc there is no or very little physical contact. Personally, being bi polar. Long distance relationships are alot easier for me because of that. You get to know the actually person inside.. and then when you get your chance.. you can get to know them on the outside.. you know what i mean ?
I think you should like.. post this on like myspace and facebook, make it known that LDR’s can work.
I’ve been in a LDR for 2 and a half years, 5 months of that time moved to his state and lived with him. I missed my family and decided to go back home. We ended but 3 wks after I left we are now back on and in 3 months he’s coming back to my home state where we met to stay for good. We met while we were working together, he was attending school, graduated and had no choice to move back home. Its a struggle but our love keeps us going. You have to be strong and have a lot of trust to be in this kind of relationship. Its not easy, but what is.
@-XchelsX- -
hey well i think i would have done the same thing to be completely honest like idk i get a lil jealous when i think he is talk in to other girls i have had that happen to me b4 with my ex huband..well me and my bf have been together for like a month now and we r like head over heels for each other but we havent told it bluntly lol but one day i had his phone and there was a pic of a blonde girl well a message had poped up and it said well i seen u on sat with that girl u was all over that B..ch i was like omg what the world u know well i asked him about it and him being hispanic he said it was his friends u know he had to txt the girl bc his friend couldnt spell enlish i was so upset i called a guy friend had him come pick me up and everything i was crying abd well come to find out he as tell the truth but the lesson i learned is a guy is a guy if he is looking then maybe its just to see what he truly has i mean my bf will look at a girl and then look at me and say im the best he will ever meet well i hope i helped u out what im trying t o say is …….when u see a cute guy not u at least glance??? see dont get mad at every little thing it will ruin ur relationship bad!!