Hey Eddie,
i never used to believe in long distance relationships until i found myself in one. Its the first and its definately something i hope not to encounter too many times if at all. I’m 20 he’s 19 and we will be graduating from college in 2 years. Having read previous stories i feel bad in saying that i’m seeking advice on a relationship that will be apart for the next 3 months while others have to be apart for years. Anyway as this is my first long distance relationship it helped to read your article because i believe i have something special but also very aware at how the distance and time apart will kill it. There is a twist…we had only dated for a week before we had to go off in different directions, we met through a mutual friend and there was little foundation of a friendship but the chemistry was definately there so we decided to give it a try. These 3 months are starting to seem like 3 years, i trust him entirely but its also easy to get bored and have the need to fulfill physical needs (touching, kissing…etc). We will not be able to see each other through these 3 months and as we are both working and taking classes i’m all so aware of the importance of communication and never take it for granted. We’ve had our share of high points and low low points where u start wondering if u can really go through with this. How do we prevent something that has barely started but has great potential from fizzling when letters and phone calls are great but sometimes not enough? Exactly how does one survive?

hey eddie

i would please like some advice.
my girlfriend and i met in mexico, we are both children of expats and have lived our lives constantly moving. she is moving to paris, i am moving to wellington. we both have very strong feelings for each other, but it will be at the very least 1 year before we see each other, more likely 1 and a half, as obviously the cost of the flight is quite immense. do you have any advice on how to overcome this?
many thanks

Hi Eddie

First of all, great article! I am in a LDR (300km), and as of today its 4 months

Its not all that easy of course, she is 16 I am 20. The hard thing is, we barely use the phone, because she doesnt like to (generally). We use ICQ a lot, which helps and SMS as well, but its still hard. The good thing is, that we maintain a visiting each 2 or 3 weeks. You are absolutely right, it is not that frequently as in a normal relationship, but it is more intense and very special! I totally trust her and she does too.

Anyways, I miss her so bad a lot of times and I would just like to talk to her… but I dont want to annoy her with “you want to phone”, because I know she doesnt really want to and I want to respect that. She is a type of person thats not to wasteful with saying lovely things…. So I long for a nice word of her… I am the opposite, I tell her how I feel all the time, you think I should cut that back just a little?

Good Luck to all LDRs

Eddie,
P.S. I am 18 years old, turning 19 in October, and my boyfriend is 21. Also we are 13 hours apart. Forgot to include that information in my first message and thought it might be important when giving your advice. Thanks! Hope to hear from you soon!

Hi Eddie!

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years now (she’s 17 and I’m 19), and we have a strong relationship going (we both love each other very much). However, next year she’ll be going off to college far away from me meaning that we’ll be apart for at least 4 and possibly even up to 8 years. So I was just wondering if you had advice and insight for such a situation, being in college and away for so long. Thanks!

PS, I’d just like to say thanks a whole bunch (times a billion!) for writing these wonderful articles as they are such inspiring tidbits of advice and comfort. =)

thank you so much eddie,after reading your artical i felt much better,you see i’ve been with my boyfriend for 8,9 months now and everything was going great but ii had to move.And everyone one was scaring me by saying “long-distance relationships never work out” and i was so scared,i went month being depressed and miserable all the time,and i’ve looked everywhere for some advice and yours helped alot.I’m planning on going to see him and he trust me and is getting to know the new people i’m meeting which is a suprise because he’s not a people person.You and him are the only people who have given me hope for our relationship, thank-you!

hi eddie,
i really liked your article especially since me and my boyfriend of almost a year do the majority of these things. There is only 1 problem than him and i encounter….im 16 and he will be 24 In August. You see i have always been more mature in looks and personality. When he 1st saw me he thought i was 19 lol. But..my mom although shes not 100% against it..doesnt really like me being with him. My dad who i dont live with refuses to let me talk to him..( mom keeps secrets for me lol) so…we have made plans to be together when i am 17 1/2 (mom’s rule) me and him are 100% devoted to waiting and i trust him wholeheartedly and he the same. i just want to know that the age difference along with the distance wont matter. As im writing this im thinkin this is pointless because i know that we will both we fine..but a 2nd opinion is always nice. thank you for your time and i guess that really wasnt a question..more like getting it off my chest. thanks a bunch!!!!

*DARA*

Hey Eddie,new developings.he said he’s still loves me but he’s losing feelings for me and the worst part is I introduced him to one of my friends and they started hanging out very frequently and they held hands and even kissed.this hurts me so much na dit hurts him too because he never wanted to hurt me and we’re in such a horrible place because im willing to go back and make it work with him but he’s not willing to avoid my friend and they do have feelings for each other.Right now it’s soley up to him and I’m really scared because he told me he doesn’t know if he’s going to be with my friend or not but he has broken it off with me because he feels so guilty about what he has done and i cannot believe my friend did something like this to me.I can’t eat nor sleep and everytime i feel better just the thought of them kissing or making love to each other causes me to break down.I’m trying my hardest to go back because he’s worth it.But what do I do if he cannot make a decision to be with me?

Hey how are you I just read ur letter, my name is Tariq and I am 16 years of age and I live in North Carolina. This month a friend of mine called me and asked me to hang out with her cousin who is visiting from Michigan for a month. We had a first date dinner and a movie and we really got along so we decided to go to my friends sweet 16 together just a couple of days ago, at the party we hugged and kissed and talked becoming really close while doing so. Now we feel a connection to each other but we are both afraid of the distance and time we will spend apart, nether one of us plans on having sex til marriage,she is going to college this year so she doesnt want a boyfriend so that she can focus on that, we have both established that we could have something more than just a friendship but are both scared of the distance

what should we do

I loved this article. It was helpful. I met a guy online a couple of years ago. We finally met in person July 27th. It was one of the most exciting days of my life to say the least. I can honestly say that we’ve grown to deeply love each other. We have talked by phone, email, IM pretty constant for over the two year period.
Here’s our dilemma. I am divorced with three children…..here in Tennessee. He is a single father of two children in North Carolina. Neither of us feels like we can move away from our kids, but we want to be together so badly. This really is stressful because we don’t feel that either one of us can compromise and move due to that. Obviously our first priority is to our kids. How do we continue to build on what we have ……without being able to make a solid future plan at this time? Makes it feel so hopeless.

Hello,
Fist off, Id like to say that I enjoyed reading this and it has given me a bit of faith towards what Im going through.

I met this special person last October, through the well known website called “MySpace.” Well I contacted him first, and we just started messaging eachother. After a while, he asked for my AIM and since then, we’ve IMed eachother, almost everyday. We’ve also sent a couple of letters, which I absolutely love. And for his birthday, I sent him a little gift, and he was definitely thrilled about it.
We talk through Skype, see eachother on webcam once in a while. I’ve truly fallen in love with him, and what makes it wonderful is that he has fallen for me as well, and it’s all been based on our communication, our personalities and whatnot. [Not that he's not cute and adorable! ;p] I get excited at the thought of getting to talk to him once we’re both home
I really would like to visit him, hopefully this December, but Im getting negative feedback from my cousin [the only person who knows of the relationship] And I know I should do what I feel in my heart, but some things she brings up make sense. Like, whats going to happen sooner or later? Shouldnt he be visiting me first? Am I to move to him? Will he be willing to move to me?
Honestly, we havent talked about that. We are both college students and living at home. He has told me of his future plans though, which I find are just like mine. Some part of me is scared, while a part of me is absolutely stoked at the idea of us being together, whether it be him moving here, or me to where he lives.
We both know we love eachother. And I feel he trusts me. Trust is something that is difficult for me to feel about someone, but for some reason I do trust him.
He lives in the east coast, and I in the midwest, approximately 1000 miles away. I know other people have made it through more than 2000+miles apart, but we dont have the money or time [with school] to be able to meet. Although as I mentioned before, Ive been planning to see him in December, although we’ve yet to see if that will take place. We are mature individuals, 20 years of age, havent had many relationships because we both feel we need a deep connection to make something work. So obviously we’re doing something right if we are still interested in eachother, even after all the difficulties
And now to finally end this long entry, basically how do you cope with the feeling you get, the hurt you feel inside when you realized you yearn for this person you cant hold, touch, smell, taste at any time of day? And any other ideas like little gifts, surprises to give eachother for no reason? Another question, out of curiosity, How do you know this is meant to be and its worth your efforts? Anything would be appreciated
Thanks!
-Xanna

Hi, Eddie!
I’m 17 years old and I recently went to a six week long summer camp where I met my boyfriend. We have been dating for over 2 months and our 1 month anniversary is this Friday. The problem is that he lives an hour and a half away and we are both very busy, as we are musicians and high schoolers.
It’s really hard for me at school bc I see a lot of couples kiss and hug before going to class and it makes me think about my boyfriend in all my AP classes when I should be focusing… how do I get him off my mind long enough to take care of my schoolwork the way I should??
Also, we talk quite a lot by phone/facebook/IM, but I miss him so intensely that I feel like I have a problem with attachment or something. Is this normal, or is it wrong that he is always on my mind?? He’s coming to visit me this weekend, and I think we need to talk about our goals for our relationship..bc as of right now, I’m planning on going to juilliard in NY while he is probably going to stay in Ga…i don’t even know if that kind of relationship is POSSIBLE. is it??

I love these rules, I was in a LDR for a year then he broke it off but still we were together but not with the boyfriend girlfriend title , anyhow this Summer we both met other people. I finally fell for someone else and guess what, he just got accpeted iin to a college far away, so here I go again, but I never gave up on my last one nand I shall not give up on this one…
thanks for the rules, the are very interesting, i wish I could have read em before..lol
Beckie

Hi Eddie,

First of all I’d like to say that your article on LDRs is both inspiring and reassuring, and I want to thank you for taking the time and effort to write such a clear message to help people.
I’ve read through a few of the conversations you’ve been having with other readers of this article, and it shows that you are genuinely concerned with the wellbeing of the readers on this site.
Just over six months ago, my girlfriend and I decided to start a relationship. We met when she started working at my local rock climbing gym. I am a frequent climber, and we engaged in conversations for more than a month before deciding it was right to be together. Our relationship is amazing. We have similar goals in life, like the same music, share the same outlooks on society and the environment, and I feel that we both genuinely love each other. Frankly, I’ve never felt this way about another girl.
For the first four and a half months of our relationship we were inseparable. Many people doubted our pairing, as I am 22 years old, and she’s just recently 18, but we’ve never had a single concern for our ages come between us. I feel like she is the one for me.
This summer she was working at a nature camp, and our time together was severely limited. At the end of July she left for Scotland to dance in the Edinburgh Tattoo, and will be there until next week.
We’ve maintained solid – in fact, with only a few exceptions, daily – contact since she’s left, through email and instant messaging, and phone conversations, and when one of her best friends left for Scotland to compete in the World Highland Dancing Championships, she delivered a package (a gift for our six month semi-anniversary) to my girlfriend from me by hand. I’m going to be honest, I miss this girl more than I’d ever thought possible.
When she comes home, however, she’ll have less than a week before she goes away for her first year in University. It’s only a 2h drive from my place, and we’ve made plans to see each other every weekend, or at least every other weekend, but I worry.
My concern is that she’ll be meeting new, interesting, and attractive boys while she’s away, and that they’ll share more in common and be better suited for each other because of their proximity and age. I see her moving onward in her own development to better find herself. I am her first real relationship, and she might feel as if she needs more experience.
I guess most of my insecurity comes from my desire for her to be as well off as she can be. I think that by wanting her to be with me for the rest of my life I am preventing her from seeing the ups and downs of dating: steps which I took over the course of the past four years. The difference in our age and experience makes me wonder if I’m ready to settle down and she is not.
I fear approaching her about this, because I don’t want her to feel trapped or claustrophobic, but I also fear the success of our relationship due to the distance. I want desperately for this to work between us, so I can be certain that we are meant for each other like I feel right now. My friends tell me the best way to do this is to just be there for her, but I’m so conflicted. I cannot know what is best for her; but how can I decide what will be best for us?

My boyfriend and I were in a long distance relationship this summer and we made it through closer than ever. I commuted back and forth to college and he lived on campus but when the semester ended, he moved back home which was 5 hours away. I could only see him at most, every other weekend. It was so hard at first, crying, even doubting the whole long distance thing b/c I had been with him before he left. And now, the summer’s over, he’s back at college with me and I’ve never been happier! We called every night and talked for hours on end, we’d facebook each other, we would IM, and we even wrote journals for each other which we haven’t exchanged yet, but it will be very interesting to see what he has written. Keeping a journal of how your feeling or what you’re thinking while you’re apart is awesome. It’s a good way to vent a little and to savor the moments, good and bad so your loved one knows exactly what you’re thinking. Next summer we’re planning on getting an apartment near his hometown so we can both move on in our education and take our relationship forward =)

hello Eddie,

i have just recently embarked upon this “long distance” journey. im 31, he’s in his mid-20′s. it has only been 2 months for us [one month of actually declaring ourselves to be in an exclusive relationship] we discuss things sometimes that lead to arguments and my concern is that we are so “new” in our relationship and if we’re already dealing with problems in communication, how do we deal with this and move forward? things aren’t “serious” yet. we haven’t met [we meet in november] but what happens when we do meet and things progress to a deeper level? he feels, at this point, that i get too emotionally intense about issues that don’t warrant that type of emotion. we talk, resolve issues and “squash” things. but he feels i continue to bring those things up because i haven’t forgiven him, and still harbor resentment towards him. what do i do if im having a hard time letting go of these emotions tied to discussions that we think are resolved? its harming progress in our relationship and i feel if things keep moving in this direction, we won’t make it to november. what do i do?

My fiance and I recently became engaged after tow years of friendship (no dating… we kind of skipped that stage…) and, by the time all is said and done, will have spent 7 months apart – after the engagement – with no opportunity for an emergency meeting as we are now in different countries. That said, I have recently had several threatening issues (police involved) with one of my neighbors and was more than a little dissapointed in my fiance’s response after calling him upon returning from the police station after filing a report. His response: make sure I have pepper spray available at different points around the house and he would be home in November. He is not working, merely fulfilling social obligations. I’m having a bit of difficulty staying focused and positive about the relationship now and have even gone so far as to suggest a communication hiatus (we were speaking via phone and texting multiple times a day prior to this)… Any suggestions??

Thank you for your time, and I do appreciate your article (Ijust hope I can continue with all the suggestions you’ve made thus far!)

BB

i a in love with ths guy and i have been for the padt three years, he lives in mexico i live in arizona, he is a family friend and i do see him once or twice a year, i am so i love wth him you dont even know i think about him every day im alive i go to bed and picture him there, me and him had a little thing before when we where twelve i a fifteen now hes going on seventeen so i know he parties a lot, and i do too i guess but i kind of have a hint he likes me sort of and i dance with hi and stuff when i go to mexico and he is absolutley perfect for me, thing is i am moving back to mexico in 4 months and dont know what to do to make it happen, i know there is connection between us and everything but i have him on messenger and he already know im moving i told him and he said he was very happy but thts it, so what can i do to make it happen???? please tell me i need help i seriously do i feel lik ei am dying everyday i am not with him and i really want something to hapn when i move but how do i let him know im interested and how do i know if he is interested in me??

Eddie,

Great article.
I am in a LDR for a year now. My boyfriend and I were together 6 months when we both graduated college, then we lived together for a year and a half before he was offered a job he couldn’t refuse across the country (about 2 hours from where he grew up). All in all, we’ve been together almost 3 years.
I moved an hour from my job to live with him, while still being 3 hours from my family. It was great and I’m glad we did it, but now I feel as if I’m in two LDRs — one with him and one with my family.

I’m worried about the future — I think he may be in a place I am not yet. I know he thinks very seriously about the future as do I, but has asked me to make a commitment to the possibility (even if it’s slight) that I would maybe move there eventually. He thinks he would be ok with coming back to the east coast, even though he doesn’t love it, but I fear I will always worry he’s not truly happy. Theres a 3 year difference between us and he attributes many of my negative feelings to this.
He’s promised me he wouldn’t move back unless he really wanted to and had reason other than me, but needs to know I would make the same commitment. I understand this but it scares me. We’ve talked about it and I know it hurts him every time I bring it up, but I’m scared, and part of me thinks I really need some time to figure out what I want. I’m terrified of ruining the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m not sure what to do.