10 Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

by Eddie Corbano

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Nearly everyone has experienced a long distance relationship at some point in his life. Most of us have failed to maintain it and have broken up, even though this may have been a promising relationship. Why is that so? What are the common reasons to break up in those long distance relationships and how can you make them work?

To begin with, I was there myself. A good friend of mine gave my e-mail address to his wife’s best friend. Shortly after that she dropped me a line. So we got to know each other. By e-mail.

The great thing about e-mail communication is, there are no games. At least there shouldn’t be. You can present yourself as the person you are. You can truly open up.

So we fell in love just for the persons we were. No masks, no shields. But still 2000 miles apart.

Of course the critical moment was when we first met. Would the picture we had about each other synchronize with the outer picture? If you’ve been dishonest, then you will fail at this point. Luckily it worked out for us.

Long distance relationships can occur for a number of reasons. Here are some of the common scenarios:

You’ve met in a chat room or at an online personal site and realized in the end that you were several states far away from each other.
You recently graduated college and have moved back to your home town and your boyfriend or girlfriend has continued to stay in the college town.
At work you’ve been promoted and sent to a new city for an important program and will be in that location for several months.

Long distance relationships have both, advantages and disadvantages. For some, the distance is a good help to slowly open up to the relationship without the incessant presence of the partner. The romance stays kindled because you aren’t around the person 24/7 seeing various habits and routines that can get repetitive.

In terms of disadvantages, it is very frustrating that there is no intimacy, no hugging, no kissing. At least between the meetings. You will experience difficulties in connecting because you don’t have eye contact and can’t take walks or enjoy dinners out together.

Then again that makes the meetings so much more intense then they would be in a “normal” relationship. It’s the quality, not the quantity.

Long distance relationships can work, but there are some rules and guides you have to follow.

Of course, there is also a very important condition without an long distant relationship can not work:

You must have a true interest in each other. I mean a deep emotional connection, whether you’ve been together before the spacial separation or you’ve met each other through chat/e-mail. I’m afraid a physical attraction is not enough. That’s why most summer vacation affairs fail in the end.

Here are the rules that made my personal long distance relationship work:

continue reading next page »

Pages: 1 2 3

My Recommendation For Further Reading:

The Long-Distance Relationship Survival Guide - Secrets From Successful Couples Who Have Gone The Distance
Long Distance Relationships: The Complete Guide - Proven Strategies For Building And Maintaining A Successful LDR

5 Must-See Related Posts:

About The Author:

Eddie Corbano is a breakup-coach, relationship-advisor and founder of LovesAGame. He suffered from a devastating break up in 1998. Since then, he dedicated his life to helping others getting the best of this existential experience. The overcoming of a break up is an important step to autonomy and independency. Eddie Corbano developed some new coaching programs, which focus on evolving inner strength and the power to set and reach any personal goal. (Article written on March 21st, 2007)
Show all posts by Eddie Corbano

Kelly

My boyfriend and I met at college which is 360 miles away from home for me and about 40 miles away from home for him. We had 3 years at school together then he graduated. I had one year left so it wouldn’t be that difficult. But I started saying we should start planning where we want this relationship to go so we can keep moving forward.

He said “we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” I graduated college and moved back home 4 months ago and we’ve seen each other once. Our budgets only allow us to see each other every 3 months. I’ve still tried to keep planning something. He finally agreed after I graduated that we should start planning. But he leaves all the planning to me. When I ask him questions he says he doesn’t care. I got fed up about 2 months ago and said maybe we should end the whole thing b/c our relationship wasn’t going anywhere.

We get into a groove of just doing the same thing till we have 5 minute conversations every day. When I bring it up I’m just creating problems that aren’t really there.

His lack of interest in our relationship makes me doubt that we can make it. So I suggest we take a break or break up then he steps up. All of a sudden he wants to talk to me and isn’t obligated to talk to me anymore. He’ll text me randomly through the day instead of just waiting till the time we have set aside for each other.

Then a few weeks later it all fades away. In a little over a month we’ll have been dating for 4 years, and I feel like we’re stuck! It makes it very difficult to have faith in our relationship.
Marinela

Hi Eddie.
I really enjoyed reading your arcticle it really inspaired me on taking changes in my life,that long distant relationships really work out.
Thanks
Lauren

My boyfriend and I met through my bestfriend. She is actually cousins with him. She goes to Malta (a country (island) by Italy) every year because she was born there and she actually met a guy there and they kept it contact for a year then he broke it off. My boyfriend started talking to me first and we grew on each other we talked for 6 months, then for 3 weeks i went to Malta in the summer and spent some time with him, after I came home and we have since been talking. It’s getting very hard because im a junior in highschool and homework studying etc… we were so used to talking everyday. Sometimes i feel like this can really work and I even want to go to Malta University and other days I just don’t see it working out.. I’ve also been very depressed because I miss him so much.. It’s a struggle everyday. I think about him a lot and its hard not seeing or talking to him for a couple days. I actually live in the US and we talk over msn. My heart is torn between going to Malta or staying him and accomplishing my dreams of going to a great college and living in NY… but I guess I’ll still have to wait until i see how things work out with him.
Lauren

@Matt13k –
wow, this is such a similar situation as I am in. How is your relationship going since you posted this?
http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

Guys, sorry that I do not always have the time to respond to the comments, but I assure you, I read all of them.

If you have something really important, you can always write me an email.

Your friend,
Eddie
samantha

hey my name is samantha and i am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend! i know it can be hard believe me i know! i think what she is doing is hiding the fact that she doesn’t want to lose u either! i think she does miss u and she does love u! if u guys talk about it im sure it will get better! how long has it been sence u have seen each other?
nancy s poirier

i have no problem with jealousy and in security
it is money what happens when you have noney and the other is broke … or poor
you find yourself giving everything ….. because they can not support a long diustance realtionship oherthan i visit and th emails. eve a phone call is out of his means…
one can only give so much ….
http://www.myspace.com/socoms_finest03 LT

Hey Eddie! Thank you for this article. My girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and had lots of talks about trust and faith. She is half way across the US and I’m on the east coast. I think we pretty much meet most the rules. I call her every night to talk to her. This summer she says she’s going to get an apartment near me so she can come down and stay with me and I can go hang with her everyday and I can’t wait. Thank you for taking the time to write this up.
~Your Friend, LT
Mike

Hello Eddie.

I would just like to say, good article. Here is my situation. I am 18 and i live in delaware. I have fallen for my best friend. I have known her for seven years. I can tell her anything, she understands me better than anyone else… She can talk me down when i am heading for a break down… and she makes me smile more than anyone else… she is just as crazy for me as i am for her.. but she lives in texas… she moved there a couple of years ago… We both know we are crazy about each other, we have told each other… we don’t know what to do… we can’t just move on… we can’t be practical as my friend says to be… I am all alone on my end. there is no one here to help me. My mother is pessimistic and would be unsupportive…. my dad is, well my father is not a good person… She is my best friend… and i am hers… i just don’t know what to do. What’s your advice?
-Mike
Victoria

Dear Eddie.

I am in love with a marvelous man. We connected beginning of this year, but I moved out of town, and we are less and less on the phone (we used to talk daily). I will most probably not see him again before spring, and our phone calls shriveled down to 2-3 times a week.

On the phone everything seems to be still alright, but between calls I feel that we are drifting apart and it hurts me a lot, but I do not know what to do, as I can not force him to call me more often.
I used to call him a lot, but I stopped, because I am tired of getting his answering machine most of the time, even though he always calls back.

I wanted to break it off a few times because of it – it does not fulfill me anymore. But whenever I mention that it does not work out, he is super sweet and says things that make us connect again. That lasts for about a month, and we have then even less contact than before.

Is there hope, or shall I just call it quits? We are both in our 30′s and have both been married before, but I feel like a teenager that does not know what to do. I love him very much, but I do not know what to do anymore. Any advice? I just do not feel loved enough anymore and sometimes I feel actually abandoned by him, as he does not have the need to talk to me as much as I wish to talk to him.
Andrea

I have the same problem. How comes that guys don’t want to call?
Snow

Dear Eddie or anyone that can help,

I am going through a recent break up, it has been almost a week. we have been with each other for a year and a half. we lived together for 8 months. then, he decided to move back to Sacramento for a better job. I was devastated but finally agreed to it b/c I didn’t want to lose him. he talked to me a lot for the first few days. then we got busy and talked only 5-10 mins for a week. I tried to call him but then he got really in cold in his voice and neglected me. he ignored me for one day and then he called me the next day to break up with me. I feel so crushed and I keep blaming myself for what happened. I feel like I did something wrong to make him break up with me. basically, it was only three weeks that we were apart and he said he couldn’t hangle it already. he said he lost feelings for me. it is so hard for me to accept this b/c we went through so much together and he is just going to give it away…….please i really need help!
Is it even worth it to try to work out the relationship or is it really over??

snow
Snow

@Victoria – sounds somewhat like my situation. In the end, one will get hurt. it is not worth it trying to talk to him when he doesn’t feel the same way. he is not putting in the effort. damn, i can’t believe i just answered my own questions.

snow
Victoria

@Snow –
It is hard to let go when you love. But my mom said to me: “It is more important to be loved than to love.” I certainly always put way more effort into this relationship than he does. Not a good feeling at all. It is emotionally draining when you want to be connected to someone that does not feel as strongly about the relationship. A real waste of time and energy. But I guess my heart needs to catch up with what my brain already knows: It is not working, unless BOTH put the same effort into it and have the same feelings for each other.
Just j

My wife of ten years left me said she wanted a divorce and that was that. Well I told her after offering marriage counseling and professing my undyeing love . Well then don’t let the door hit you in the ass!

we have been seperated for 2 months now we also have 2 children. She moved across the street. We share kids she works the bar so I watch them over night when she works and I work constuction days. We are going to mediation tomarrow. O boy I can’t wait to do this NOT!

Question the no contact rule I have been having such a hard time with this My X lives across the street and we trade kids every other day.

I’ve got it down to texting from you can’t come to my new house thats my space but as soon as your at work it’s ok for her to come over to my house and use my computer grab her stuff and hang out with the kids. I had to change my locks.

no contact when we are SO INTERTWINED

my X wife is just tormenting me and makeing it so hard to move on. Or maybe it’s me.

Just j
http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

@Just j –

I’m very sorry to hear that.

Please check out my newsletter, the 2nd issue is about how to maintain no-contact if the ex is still around.

I wish you all the best,

Eddie
Thalia

I live the same situation,but always there;s one who battles against the long distance,In my case is me but we women have that six sense that know when is true or not,i mean if he really loves me or not.Im sure he loves me but he is stuck in a big bussines compromise from 2 years ago,almost begining so it’s the same thing as the author of this artcle is talking about…i see him one,or twice per month.At the beginning, it was okay,..more than 2 years ago already!…and then he had to move far away 2 years ago,for this bussines.I have cryed so much,i miss him when i go to our places and think about both happy and together, But i agree with the writter…if what you both feel is genuine and strong is quite difficult love to dye,cause there’s a natural commitment.cuz we really love each other there’s a very strong connection .someday things will change for good, i know.But when we are together those few moments are amazing and awsome.I call him cochino wich in spanish means pig.but in spanish sounds sweet..ha,and he call me cochina too,so i have two beautiful cochinos together next to my bed .And yes, i know him and he knows me very well by tx message and phone.I think that some day ,things must change for better,.. is a risk …but what i think is that is not easy to destroy a real conection or a true love,if is strong and beautiful like mine.I could say is just impossible.
Kylie

Hello, read the article and I must say thank you. It really made me feel better about my LDR. I met a man while playing an online game and we descovered very quickly that we had a deep connection. We are both in our late twenties. We have been “together” for about 3 months now and are soon to be meeting eachother for the first time. We are both very nervous and excited for our first meeting. We live about 1500 miles apart and money is tight but we are both trying to get as many meetings in as we can. We have a little under 2 years before the possiblity that we can move closer to each other. My question is since we met online how can I be sure that this is right before one of us makes the big move? It is alot to be sure about on just a few meetings and online. Perhaps I just need more hope that it is right. We have been doing the things in your article. We talk everyday, are completely open and honest about what we want and our options. Will the doubt that this is a mistake ever go away? It feels so right but it is hard to tell if it is just a longing feeling or real desire to be with him. The other problem I have found with LDRs at least in my case, we are also trying to get to know eachother. And all this talk of our feelings and intentions makes this feel like it is going very fast. True we can’t go much slower because of the distance but we have only been “together” for 3 months and we have already discussed that when we are closer if we are going to live together or not. It just seems strange to me that we have 2 years to go but it feels like its going so fast. I understand the why it is so important to have hope that it will work. Days like today do not make it seem worth it, even though I can not imagine not having him in my life. Is there some little way to know that this is right or must I go off of faith alone? I would say that my biggest fear is that when we do meet for the first time that he will not like me IRL. Guess I am just looking for someone to tell me yes it will work. Sometimes just a little reassurance can go a long ways. Thank you again for your article, if it works it works, at least I know now that we are doing everything we can to make it work.
Kat

I’m about to see my boyfriend again after being apart for four and a half months. Whilst I’m very excited to be going, it also feels really weird – I’ve got so used to being by myself that I can’t quite work out how to act as a couple again. Anyone else ever feel like this? If so, how did you deal with it? xxx
Victoria

@Kat –
I feel the same. I am about to see my boyfriend again the first time since August in just 5 days. But I think once you hug each other, all the strange feeling will be gone and you will go with the flow again. Just since we know we meet again so very soon, we have again longer discussions and we talk more often on the phone. And I feel that I start bonding with him more already. So just go with the flow, and give him hugs and kisses generously when you see him again, and everything else will fall into place.
Sandi

Hello…Here is my issues and I wondered if anyone else encountered it..I have been with my bf for going on 5 yrs…we are both in our 30′s…still no ring. I have made it VERY clear this is what I want. He says he does to but nothing. I live in Oh and he lives in VA. I drive to see him almost every other weekend. Thats another issue for another time lol I am now having dreams of him cheating and wonder if this is due to me not getting a ring or a woman intuition. I have talked to him and he says he wants to marry me and he wouldn’t cheat. We both have kids and moving just isnt going to happen any time soon…help anyone please!!!
Jenny

Hiya, im 15 years old & really love this guy who lives 130 miles away. We met through his best friend who moved up here. He sometimes comes to visit, but we have never actually met properly face to face. We are on the phone for about 3 hours a day, and on webcam and msn for most of the night. He is 17, and has enlisted in the army which makes things even more difficult. We both feel the same as far as I know in that we are falling for each other. We were going out but he ended it because we are so far apart, but i was willing to wait to I’m out of school then move to where he is to go to Uni. I’m hurt as I thought he understood that we were far apart but now he has changed his mind. It may be people convincing him to end it but I really don’t know. I’m scared in case we end up never speaking again, as this may be what he really wants. Can anyone give any advice?

@Kylie – it sounds like it should work, if you are both willing to wait till you can be together that is.
baby

hmn..i like the rulez..me and my bf met in online games.when we turn out to be serious we met up on webcam everyday and fell in love very deeply to each other.the problem is he is in england and im from singapore.time differences is killing us too.so far and yeah i never met him irl cause the tickets wow expensive!he still in college and im uni graduate.when i started to work i lessen my time to chat.he went insane and althought he didnt say anything i knew he thought im cheating on him.i know i look good and hes average but theres more then meet the eyes.we have a huge fight a week before christmas and kinda broken up he never online or he blocked me on msn.i texted but he never replied.im depressed and try to move on but i cant forget about him.wish things are better and somehow i still believe he love me much.once i earn enough money to buy tickets,i plan to fly to him on valentine next year.idk if its a good idea.i know i am silly but just this time,i wana meet him irl and see how its going.i dont wana regretes things later for not trying to fix things.i really wana make it right this time.in my past relationship,i never make an effort and it all dissolves with times but this time i wont let go.i have strong feelings for him.

i just need advice what should i do in the mean time before i go there?some of my friends said he could found someone new if we are not talking help me how i can make up to him and make sure i still have his heart?the last text i send to him was on christmas (which im away from internet)i wish him christmas and promised him to come to him next year(no date included)well when im back from christmas holiday,my friend said he was online that 24-25dec nite.maybe he wana talk back but im really have no time to go online anymore hope u advice me how to make sure he trust me.
Sabby

Hey Eddie! ._.

Thank you so much for the tips. Im currently in along distnace relationship with my boyfriend who lives in Korea. So far we have been together for about 6month’s. It’s been really hard for both of us because we are very unpatient people. But we both learned that we have to be paintent and understanding. We have a strong relationship and love each other very much.Things have been going good for the us but the only thing is I was supposed to come to visit for his Birthday in Feb. and I just found out I won’t be able to make it. What should I do? I feel really bad… Anway’s thank for those tips that gave me more confidence that I know that me and my boyfriend can make it through.
hm

my boyfriend and i (both 23) have been together for 2.5 years. Unfortunately, he got himself into some trouble..turned out he wasnt so honest about a few things and had some problems w drugs. We have been through ALOT of ups and downs..but like the old saying goes, its the tough times that make you stronger and although we have been through many tough times, we still remain in a strong relationship..problem is, he went out of state to a rehab.. i am very proud of him becuase he is taking his recovery very seriously and because of that, he does not know when he will return but we have both agreed to stay together and remain close..if he chooses to move there, i will not be able to move out there for just under 3 years..(2 years 9 mos to be exact) i was wondering if we would be able to make it work/how to keep the spark in the relationship? I wont lie that i feel a little aprehensive and insecure that hell meet someone else/forget about me..any advice?
Chelsea

Hi Eddie Ive read your acrticle and thought it was wonderful. I’m in along distance relationship myself. Im seventeen years old and he is a year and a half younger and a grade lower (me being a junior in high school). When we first chatted on IMVU and he knew he loved me right away. I found that I was IN LOVE with him days later But things seem to be changing. He seems less intrested, like Im old news. He gets grounded often for his poor grades in school, which means are talk time is now limited to an hour a day. Before, he took any chance he could to call me anyways. Now, he just plays by the rules and we talk our limited time. The online chats are shorter as well, because he has ADHD and is easily distracted. His calls are less frequent now, too and the “I love you’s” are less and less. I fear he has lost intrest in me. Maybe he is too young to know what he wants? Or maybe its just me over analyzing the whole thing :/ I just need some encouraging words. But sometimes it doesn’t go that way. Please tell me… Is there any hope for us? Because I know I would like to keep this going. I want to spend my life with this guy. Thanks -Chelsea
Tiffany

@Sy –
I know how you feel. My boyfreind lives in California and Im in Washington. I can give you A little advice, First tell her How you feel about the relationship and why you think it will work. Hopefully that will help her have faith in the relationship… I have a few problems myself, First I get really jealous when he talks to other girls, Second, everyone tells me to break up with him… My boyfreind almost cried because he over-heard like three of my freinds saying that i shud ditch him and I kept saying no and i loved him…But now its worse… My parents got involved and keep saying ” you can still be freinds but, wouldnt you like a boy you could atleast kiss and hold hands?” I told them i would try for a little bit… but im not going to… Any advice for me?
career girl

Hi Eddie,
I am so surprised to see that you have been answering questions for almost 2 years now. This article is fantastic, really realistic and informatic. I was in a long distance relationship for 4 years during which time I saw my boyfriend 3 times in the first year and once in the last 3 years (due to financial issues). He lives in Europe and I live in North America (career related issues). It’s not inexpensive to fly there. I met him when I was 15 and I’m 19 now (which makes it even harder coz we’re both students). He’s 2 years older than me. We were alright coz we talked on the phone once every week (for like 6 hours even tho we have serious time zone issues). We were both very committed and positive and it was working great but recently due to some changes in our plans (again career related and finance related) which weren’t anticipated earlier, we realized that we wouldn’t see each other for another 4 years or so. He was supposed to move to North America but the plan was postponed. I think this isn’t fair to both of us so we decided to break up 2 days ago. He’s a great guy and is very committed when it comes to me and I am too. But thinking practically, the relationship didn’t make much sense anymore. I know it’s probably not easy replying to all comments but i would be greatful if you could comment on my decision. Lastly, you article is beautiful and am sure it has helped many people so far. And yes, long distance relationships do work, all you need is to be positive and have plans and hope it works out as planned. **Thanks. Cheers.
Noma

Hie Eddie,
I have been reading thru the advise you have given others. I am in long distance relationship and i have been since June last year, we got engaged in August and he was suppose to come down to my home country and ask my parents for my hand in marriage but a problem arose and i was understanding. I live in Africa and its 7000miles away from him. We were so happy in the beginning nothing could bring us down. We trusted each other but then i started to get paranoid by the comments he would leave on facebook and other websites. Every time i call i feel like he is not even interested in talking to me and i am being a nag. I love him and i have been faithful and true to him and i don’t want to lose him but i have no idea how to make it work. Can you help me, if there’s still anything to salvage.
rico

sir, i really dont know what i feel the time i hv read this 10 rules… it really awakes my heart… the truth is… im experiencing those things… a million thanks… god bless

rico of philippines
Mary

Dear Eddie
Even though I haven’t read your article before I started my long-distance relationship we did almost everything as you wrote. It is very difficult to maintain a positive attitude all the time since we had this going for a year and two months now and haven’t seen each other at all. It is do-able, your just have to try a little harder. However, I enjoyed reading your articles not only about long-distance relationships. Looking forward to your new articles.
jennifer.

hi. me and my current bf live in totally different continients…like im in the states, hes in africa…so yea.
i mean…we meant when i went back to visit ti=his summer and i was introduced to him 2 years ago…but this summer we hit it off. he is 5 years older than me…i know its a lot but age dont matter.
i have fallen deeply in love with him…and we are in our 8th month. when i was there we would talk on the phone for 8+ hours everynigh. and i loved it. we have planned a ofe togethr and i wouldnt mind it coming true. i havent tspent as much time with him physically…like 3 times we saw eachother becasue of other reasons. (family) he tells me he loves me…and i know i do too. but recently he has stopped talking to me as much…he hasnt told me :”iloveyou” in more than a month.” we never have deep conversations and everytime i ask how he is his respeonse is “good, fine thanks” and nothing…im not sure what is wrong with him. i m in a state of giving u and telling him its okver but then i realize what we have…then the next day he just doesnt talk to me…and im not sure what to think. i know i love him..but its slowly melting away…ive gotten to a point where i talk to other guys and im starting to have a “thing” for them…but i know i will never cheat..what should i do…i feel like hes annoyed of me. or doesnt love me no more. he never leaves me messagesa and doesnt even care how i am. on his b-day i txted called. but no answer then i asked him why and he told me he forgot, yet he spent a day with his freinds…
i dont know wha to do. and i miss him terribly. i want to end it..but then i dont afraid i might lose somehting so great
your article is wonderful!
thank you. plz email back.
thanks again.!!!!
Will

Eddie,

My situation is a bit precarious. My wife and I have been married for 4 years now, and she has been having thoughts about us lately, namely that she is not sure that the flame or spark of our relationship is there anymore.

She just took a job in another country and will be away for a year. She will only get a vacation every 4 months, so I will not be able to see her every month. Given that our relationship is already on the rocks, will this separation be good for us? Additionally, if our “spark” is dwindling, what can I do via long distance to bring it back?

Will
Morgan

Hello, Me and my boyfriend live in different states but not to far. BTW i am fifteen and we met right after summer was over and then he went back to Tennessee where he lives and i havent seen him since. We do talk on the phone and msn alot and we are in love but i dont know if it will work out until college which will most likely be the next time i see him. Hes probably the only person i connected so much with. We seriously have everything in common its crazy but in a good way! What can i do just to keep things going??
Bob Smith

Morgan long distance relationships don’t work out well all the time due to the fact you are apart. One thing I suggest is email him tell him how you feel and see what he says about it. You don’t want to hurt over it because it sound’s to me like it is driving you nuts over this and remember if it doesn’t work out for you will him you will always find someone else. Good luck
Porsha

Well my bf is 14 nd im 15 nd he had to move from TN to NC a while back…we have been dating for nine months nd all bt our moms dnt want us to date anymore because his grades r dropping nd we talk at late hours of the nite….i am so in love with him nd would give anything to seee him move back…or even see him. i got to go dwn there in the summer bt since our moms say jus b friends we will only get 2 see each other wen they come down here to visit…bt we jus cnt b friends…we love each other too much…wat should we do?
http://www.myspace.com/brown_cow_eyes Nancy

Ive been talking to this guy for almost a year, he lives in California and I live in Kentucky. So we are about 2000+ miles apart. We’ve spent the last year talking on the telephone and yahoo messenger. We’ve fought with each other about 80% of the time but we always managed to talk(fight) it out and let it go. Anyway now its like things are different. We fight he gets mad and runs off and wont answer his phone or IMs and just ignores me sometimes a day and sometimes a few. Resently his computer broke and we are waiting for it to be repaired he tells me to call then wont answer or return my calls. Hes so distant. I got some extra cash and didnt buy a plane ticket to see him and he says that I hurt him by not asking his opinion but was I wrong in not going because all we’ve been doing is fighting. Should I read more into him not returning my calls for days, he no longer tells me that he loves me, and hes always trying to fight with me about something so small..
please help me figure out what I should do.. I dont know if I should back off and let him come to me or just break up like he often does to me these days only move on..
mannilyn

hi..i am now happy, nothing to be worries about me and my bf,
we are 2yrs & 2mos now, they say love ur partner not a whole part of your heart,and hve a big part left 4 ur self, as of now this phrases nothing meant 4 me, coz as 4 me deep in my heart i felt so much love with my bf i dont control my feelings since every time i missed him,its the time he hve much bigger part in my heart the things i feel so much love with him,,,
and i can eventually say that he is my life,,
and he say the way that i fell us the way he fell it too.. and i trust him so much, he say that he will be faithful and trustful 2 me, ..
he was 8years older than me, i am 22 now and he is 29.. his family testify me that since before when he enter the age of 26 he has no gf and they think(family) that his son never had a gf anymore,, then finally we meet and he say his life change when he found me,, he is so caring and sweet until now,,, i feel so much love coming from him and i always treasure those moment weve shared,,,
we are thousand miles away now, his on UK, and i am hERE in PHIL,,,he came back here in phil after 3 years,,
we spent our vacant tym on chatting calling,, and leaving chikka message,,, and i can say that our relationship was stronger..

dear adviser.. as u read those from my comment you see that our relationships last forever until he camback here in phil???
pls,, give me more advise how my feelings always stay the same as ryt now…

tnx and wishing your reply in my text,,
thank you…
Jonathan

i been wid my girlfriend for 4yrs now and it seems like she dont wanna talk to me anymore cuz shee hardly eva calls me anymore and when i do call her she always busy and says shell call me back and neva does
Ella

Hi , I like this article. I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for 1 year and 2 months , We still haven’t met in real, in fact i’m from the middle east and he is british ,

Our cultures are different but we have never had any fight , i love him and he does love me too, we speak every night on the messenger and sometimes we talk on phone .

He’s planning to come to my country to visit me in this comming summer, and i’m so worried about this, in my country women must cover , so i won’t be able to wear a beautiful dress for hime when he comes , and it really put me in stress , what if he wouldn’t like my apereance when we meet in real ?

we have seen many pictures of each others and we see each other every night on cam but i’m still worried , and i don’t know what to do about it,

He told me he doesn’t mind if we meet and i must be covered , but i’m still afraid he may leave me when we first meet
Ashley

I am 16 my boyfriend is 20. I live in Utah he lives in St. Louis. We’ve only seen each other once and then I had to move to Utah. We write letters to each other as much as possible. I know that we really love each other and care and we try to be there for the other when we’re needed. We may not be able to be around each other physically, but mentally and emotionally sometimes we do have it all down packed. At times it does get hard and frustrating, because other than talking on the phone and writing letters we have no other means of communication. I love him so much and I want to be with him and I hope we find a way to trust each other and be honest so we can be together, cuz i really really don’t plan on being stuck in Utah all my life.
Tricia

Hi Eddie!
Well recently me and my boyfriend had started talkin again after a really bad break up last year. And we haven’t seen each other since then but we are goin to in a couple of weeks now. What I’m worried about is when we finally see each other is it goin to be like before we broke up or are we just gonna remain friends? We tell each other that we love each other and he wants me to move out to the east with him and I would love to buy ice never been away from home nor my family. What can I do? Is there a way to save our relationship? Please help me! Thanks!
-Tricia
Katie

I have been in a long distance relationship for the past 2 and a half years. However it is not working anymore =(..I love him so much but the distance is killing us. We call each other names which we never did before. We were so in love but recently i have begun to see faults in our relationship and blame him for not being loving enough. Also i feel as if i have to pull the weight in the relationship and its hard because i do alot! Anyway i just thought i would tlak about my relationship which is sadly coming to an end =(
http://www.smallhandsbigideas.blogspot.com Grace Boyle

Eddie-

Thank you for this insightful post on a long-distance relationship. I feel like they have such a bad connotation because as I hear it, they often end.

I for one, am in a LTR and have been for the last 9 months. It is due to graduating college (we started dating two months before graduation!) and our careers have brought us elsewhere. I didn’t anticipate after 2 months moving for someone or that it would stay this serious and grow–but it has and it’s not something either of us are willing to give up. There are the frustrations where especially as a woman, I feel the need to be nurtured and physically in the same place together. We’re on a two hour time difference (not bad compared to others here) and we both work hard.

I am not ready to move as is he (yet) but we talk about it and are coming up on one year of being together. When do you think is the right time to move? What is the feeling and does it ever mean you’re being irrational? I don’t question moving because of him, we’re healthy and honest, I trust him and there’s no jealousy which is so important.

I also like the give yourself a breather day. I had never thought of it. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, yet this kind of real distance for even a day, will really solidify things. We talk so frequently and are part of each others’ lives, it will be hard yet interesting. I want to try it.

Thank you so much again, you have made my day feel better and more hopeful.
-Grace
louise

I found ur comments helpful. I’ve just entered a long distance relationship , its actually my first ever relationship. It is like im in the deep end, im finding difficult and i actually often feel like calling the whole thing off. But you have given me hope. Thanks
Michelle

Heyy i know how you guys feel i just met my boyfriend Derek he lives in Wisconsin n i live in Maryland, its hard for us to talk much cause he has been busyy but we try to talk everyday n we want this to work we both do believe its possible to have a long distance relationship n make it work. You just have to keep working at it and both put in effort. This is my second LDR n my first last for about 2 years. I do wish all of you out there with your relationships. As long as your honest and commit yourself fully it will work out.Thanks for the help by the way:)))
Hope

It seems my long distance relationship of 10 months is coming to an end. He tells me what we have is valuable and special. Yet, he says he cannot come visit me because he doesn’t want to feel the ‘saddness’ when he gets home. He seems very down and unable to get past this saddness of not being with me. I feel all the negativity is causing him to give up. I tried to tell him to turn it into positive/productive energy in order to come up with solutions for being closer. He has always intended on moving closer to me and even applied for jobs. After not having any luck, he appears to have given up. He still wants to talk/email but doesn’t want to fly out to see me. This just doesn’t make sense to me. It’s as if he wants all or nothing. I’m willing to work through the bumps because I feel what we have is valuable too. Why is he choosing to break-up? How is that going to bring him happiness if he says he’s sad without me? I’m not sure what to do at this point. I’m going through emotions that come with grieving. Right now I’m angry and confused. I feel like he’s being immature.
Background: We’re both 32, healthy relationship, stable lives, independent, respectful to one another, everyone I know, including my parents says he cares about me.
MLR

Thank you for putting up these tips. I am a teenager without a lot of acess to the tips that you have provided, but still it makes me feel good to know that there are people out there who say that it can work long-distance. I mean, I myself was wary about entering a long-distance relationship but then it kinda happened and it’s great. People have told us that they don’t work, but knowing that there’s people out there who believe it can gives me hope and the courage to overcome all obstacles.
michybaby

Hey, I have been having problems with my bf. Well you see… we’re still close. Like 15 minutes away? But everyday i dont get to see him, I really miss him. I miss his hugs. But I still love him, but I dont know what will happen in the future because he’s 2 years older than me. Im worried if something might happen. I dont know anything about a relationship. But I kinda lost my trust in him, because he says that everyone tells him that long distance relationship doesnt last. Maybe he might break up with me?! Please give me some tips on how to keep the relationship going. Thank you!
Adam

Hi.. I stumbled on your site looking for help with my girl.. I live in San Antonio, where we met.. And she now lives in Virginia. We used to chat briefly in the morning, then maybe in the afternoon before she went to work and then we would have our long talks in the evenings. Now that is way too much contact for her, and she says that I am being clingy wanting to talk to her more than just once a day. At first when she moved, she was scared to go and didn’t really want to be there. Now she is starting to become happy there, and I don’t think that she wants to come back. I have never ever felt the way that she makes me feel before, every other relationship I’ve ever been in just pails in comparison. She is on my mind 24/7. And I know that she used to think about me constantly too. Now I know that she doesn’t think about me like that anymore, and she seems to think that our relationship is falling apart. What do I do? Please. I need some help or some advice. Please.