I don't know so much about all that... My ex did that the first time around... "You're a cool chick and none of this is your fault", that didn't hurt my ego as much. The second time around, I got "I met this other girl...", "It's numerous of things, you need to grow up and figure it out for yourself.", "I just don't want to settle for you.", and "You're just another person to me."

Honestly, I would've had an easier time getting over him had we just kept it at the first break-up. :/ The things he said the second time after I called him a few times afterwards... Well, I wish I never had to hear.

I was with my ex for 2 years at almost the end of high school. We were so close, despite pretty much always being shaky for various reasons. We broke up officially a few months ago, but only Really split one month ago when she got with a rebound, a poor excuse for a man.

Unfortunately we still go to the same school. I have to see her every day and in the same class twice a week. Worse still, I'm almost forced to see her with her new 'partner' every week when we get lunch down the road from the school. She's told me "she's happy now" but I know that's a lie.

Worse still, she's making me hate her.. I've asked her continously to sit away from where me and my friends have for the entire year but she refuses. Even though she KNOWS I need the space to get over her. She laughed in my face. She called me pathetic. And she knows exactly how I feel, even telling me earlier that if she was me, she'd be dealing with it half as well. After that fight at school, when I got angry, I was told she posted on Facebook "Cheers for showing everyone how much of a douchebag you are".

I've been consumed with hate. I've visualised revenge, to get her to leave me to get space. I've even planned it out. I'm sick of being the victim. But I'm trying to avoid it. Hopefully I can. The way she's suddenly been acting...

I'm slowly improving, avoiding her the best I can despite this obstacle. I figured it's about time to get my ass out of the depression I've made for myself. But each time I see them together, it all comes flooding back! The most frustrating thing is that no matter how much I hate her, I still feel that protective instinct.

We wanted to be friends after this all blows over. But it's gone way past that point now...

After almost 5 years together:

"I'm still young.. I don't want to be in a committed relationship. I want to be free to date anyone I like. Perhaps we could try again when I'm 26 or 27..." (a few weeks prior to entering a what has now been 7-month relationship with another guy)

Sobbing: "He's not you." (After I once foolishly asked her if he loved this new guy)

"You will always be my first true love, and you helped me become who I am today. I'll never forget you for that."

By the way, here is an almost perfect thing to say to your Ex when breaking up (I read in a book by Abraham-Hicks):

“You’re such a wonderful person. And while we haven’t connected on as many levels as I would like, I know there’s a perfect partner waiting for you, and I’m releasing you to that opportunity. Look for it.

I don’t want to keep you caged here, captive to something that neither one of us wants. I want to free us both to that which we both are wanting.

I am not telling you goodbye forever, I’m saying, let’s let this relationship have a new understanding between us, one that’s inspired from passionate positive desire, not one that’s whipped into place because we’re afraid of the possible consequences."

But i don't understand the last part Eddie. It would be confusing if my ex had said that to me. "I am not telling you goodbye forever" sounds like he wants to take a break which is completely the opposite of what was said in the beginning. And if he isn't saying goodbye forever, should't you with the NO Contact policy. Im just curious?

That's why I wrote "almost" perfect.

I also think that one shouldn't create false hope, even if that part of the quote perhaps wanted to say something different than "maybe we'll get back together again". I just wanted to cite the quote "as it is".

Something is missing...
My dad and step mom broke up before they got married...
I can see us being happy till we are 30 or 40 but what if this question of "what is missing" comes up again.

These were a couple of the crap-tacular reasons i was given. Followed by this e-mail.

"Thanks for respecting what I have to do, I do love you. And wish you all the best."

I should't have expected anything less. He was a coward and was never truthful with me. I still wonder why i am so surprised.

Have given any advice as to what you should say?

Here's a guide to breaking up gracefully: http://lovesagame.com/how-to-break-up-with-somebody-in-7-steps/

funny thing:
i actually broke up with my ex because i felt that he didn't care anymore.
but as we had a chat on the phone (long distance relationship), he actually said those things to me.
so even though i ended it, he's the one who dumped me.
he said: things were kinda heading that way mainly due to his actions.
he didn't mean to hurt me and he's sorry for that.
also he still had a lot of my stuff at his place which he'd do whatever i wanted him to with.
he'd still love me and i'd always have a special place in his heart but that it would be better that way right now.
and as such he would like us to remain friends though if that's possible.

also he stopped saying "i love you" at the end of phone calls and barely contacted me anymore anyway. he was very very distant and i knew right away something was wrong.
it developed gradually but in the end it went down hill pretty fast.
i knew right away this was it, it was over, so i ended it, still hoping that he'd say something to save the relationship.
but he agreed and actually said he was surprised that i thought so, too.
well, i didn't think so too! I just knew that he did, and couldn't take it any longer....

and actually, in this case, i very much refer to the quote: I don't miss him, i miss the person that I thought he was.

We were very happy in the beginning, everything seemed perfect.
But then his ex had his child and things changed from fairytale to reality, only it took 8 months since the birth for the relationship to break.
long painful 8 months were i kept hoping for better days to come.
if only we had broken up earlier, i would be over him by now.
but i've learned my lesson and i know now: i need to trust my insticts and put my heart first...
and never ever again mistake passion for the real love....

my ex just said 7/10 of those when he broke up with me...and really confused me big time...

many things have been said and done and i know we will not be back together... and he had moved on and has a new gf after 2 weeks of the break up... PS... his girlfriend is the same girl that i had issues with when we were together...

just thankful that now i know... i deserve someone better

'this wouldn't be so hard if you weren't so nice'. 'i loved you the most'. (while sobbing)

"When we are in our 50s we should be together, by then I would have fixed the problems I need to be fixed. Or when you lose weight, you'll be more confident" (fyi: my ex is 28 and I'm 31 )

WTF?????????? Really? This pisses me off. It is so hurtful!

My Ex broke up with me last night. He was my first crush in elementary school way back in 3rd grade. But we hadnt talked for many years till this one. He seemed like Mr. Right, he has my kind of humor, we have things in comon, and we had fun together. So we dated about a week ago we were susposed to hang out after i got off of work. So when I got off I waited for him where we had planned to ... after 20 min of it he still didnt show then a half hour later i get a facebook message on my phone saying he had to take care of business in DC and he was soooo sorry. I was pissed still because he didnt have the decency to call me at work or my cell and let me know. Then tuesday night when I returned from my flordia vacation we had plans to hang out at the local carnival. Once agien i couldnt get a hold of him and he was a no show for it... the best part is he didnt talk to me for 3 days after and on the forth day I get we need to talk. then he tells me " i think we need to break up. Ive been a dick. A bad boyfriend. Im just not ready for a relationship. Im sorry its me not you. Your way to good for me. And you can do way better. Well i got to go bye." and that was the end of it ...

"I'm a mess, who would want to be in a relationship with me? I don't want a relationship. Besides, you're not someone I'd seem myself being in a relationship with."

And then when I asked what we were doing, according to him, if we weren't building a relationship he replied,
"We have hot chemistry and get along so well. We are dating and in the long run we are building a friendship."
I told him I'd never heard of that concept before! Dating to build a friendship?!

So then I called him out on the fact that he wasn't calling or texting as much as he used to. He responded, "You're hurting me by saying I'm not making an effort when I *am*. I can't talk about this anymore because you said that, I'm shutting down!"

The conversation got really messy and he kept shutting down. I told him I wanted space, not to 'get out' of breaking up, but because I was generally confused and overwhelmed by the messages he was giving me and emotional/angry/unsure. I needed to step back and really think about whether this was good for me. He lives 4 hours away so he just climbed into my bed and slept over without asking. He tried to make out with me, but I nudged him off. In the morning, I opened my eyes and he was awake, sitting above me.

"I'm confused now, because we are being sweet to each other and sleeping in the same bed." What was I going to do, throw him in the street for the night? There wasn't a couch for him to sleep on. Then he said, "I think we should just build a friendship because what if one of us decides we don't want to date anymore while we are taking space?"

"Like I said last night, I want space from you and from dating you. That means no talking about our relationship. If one of us wants to date after that and one doesn't, then we won't date."

"Oh okay, so we can be friends then."

UGH!

How about this:

"I still wanna marry you, but I wanna date other girls first."

AND

"I think I'll come back to you in the end, don't give up on us."

Who wants to be someone's second best!?!? Not me... but here I am taking this crap. I'm still in contact with my ex, and I'm having an extremely hard time letting go and putting the no-contact rule into practice. He's been saying he loves me and that we'll get married someday for the last 4 years, all the while treating me like worthless garbage. He always says that he thinks I'm the best, but he's not sure and he needs to date other people, yet he's still happy to spend time with me on the weekends... awful. Why do I love someone who makes me feel so horrible?

My gosh, are our ex's best friends? I got that for a while too. Letting go is the hardest thing ever, ive been trying to do that for 6 months now. Hes been seeing other girls and even if i look at another guy I feel like im cheating on him...how does that work?! You have to let go, there is no choice. He doesnt know what he wants and is leaving you in limbo which is the worst place to be. Thinking of you

"I can't be friends with people I've slept with. Especially the fact that we are dating, but I guess, we could still try to be friends. Perhaps someday our paths would cross, we might bump into each other."

-> This truly made me cry when he said it.

"I dont know why i keep smiling, I keep thinking dirty thoughts, your delicious lips... rarara..."

"You know I still want you. Thats not a lie, because you still turn me on."

-> WTF. is sex the only thing my ex bf thinks of? All of the time we were together, was he just using me?

"You're still my honey, my baby...I still love you. I want to be able to call you and talk."

I can't believe how cruel he is: after our breakup he told me it was my fault and i pushed him to cheat on me, that he knows i wont ever take him back, i deserve someone better, im the best women he had and will ever have. He will always love me and is very thankful for teaching him how to love and be responsible. He cares for me and wants to help me go through my healing process???? is he stupid??? he told me i was going to get over it and find happiness again. oh and wants to maintain a friendship and is not willing to hear NO for an answer . about a week ago i asked him not to contact me by phone or mail ( he is in prison :)) and told him i will block his mail and phone calls

"You'll get over me. It's easy. And then you'll have a boyfriend and I'll have a girlfriend and we can be friends."

Ha. Ha ha.
Translation in my mind: It was so easy for me to get over you and decide to go off chasing tail, I'm sure it will be the same for you.

I met my guy after a divorce. In fact we met on a social network and he was always engaging and trying to find out about me. He was going thru a divorce himself. Well, I met this new guy as I said went to a movie and thought "wow a great guy to just hang out with and go to movies with.." Or so I thought. He kept texting, phoning and would bring me lunch. He went out of his way to impress me the first 2 weeks. We got intimate and he started to dump goodies on me. Yeah, like he told his ex-wife my name and she googled me! She shows up on my doorstep too...fun. Oh and that he was ready to move to India to be with a woman he met on blip...but at the last min changed his mind. So he compares me to past women...he's 50 and has been married 3 x. Still I stuck it out. Now he's telling me he can't commit 100%. after 1 month. So I am going to dump him because he brings me down. Once we were out and he sees a girl in a vehicle next to us and he tells, me "see..I want to be with her. I believe she wants me too..." Of course this pisses me off..so..Better to cry now than later. And he ain't worth crying over...

I know that no contact is the best way forward... but being told "its gotten to the point where i have to be blunt with you. please don't ever contact me again" via email was harsh. I foolishly tried to get hold of him by texting 4 times and calling once after he disappeared for two weeks then deleted me off all his social networks out of the blue. This was after he showed interest and tried to engage in a physical relationship despite being just friends. He knew i wanted more from him, and he couldn't committ, but telling me he missed me and flirting was not fair, so i told him i couldnt do it anymore and ignored his messages.

Days later he went awol, and i reacted emotionally as i said. I wanted to know what i'd done to warrant being removed from his life like i didn't exist, so he told me via email he wanted no contact as i was the one who needed to move on. It shocked me as he always was the one who wouldn't let me let him go. Everytime iin the past when i initiated no contact he would keep on messaging me and ignore my request. So when he finally did it for real, via email, it was not expected. For weeks after i felt like i'd been wrong ignore him and was wrong to want to know why he'd taken me off his social chats. His email said he'd met someone. If he had why had he been flirting with me...

it set me back a bit, as i was hurt and confusedand i felt like he'd stolen my power by being the one to push me away instead.

I'm now healing because despite the way he did it, it was the best thing he could have done and something i should have done a long time ago. I now look back and see him for who he really is and not the illusion that was before.

Great site, if only i'd found this weeks ago when i still missed him

00

I ended the relationship because he was not happy , he said I didn't change , that I still made the same mistakes ,, mean while he was acting different in the relationship , like he was not in it anymore..

i really hated "maybe down the road it will be a better time for us, you never know"

my response? if we're not together now we're never going to be.

Oh lets see.. well, in the first week after the breakup (right before which she slept with someone else, someone she barely knew), I heard the following gems from my girlfriend of 2 years:

"Its not you..."
"You deserve so much better..."
"Everything in [our village] reminds me of you.."
"I'm gonna facebook stalk you.."
"Maybe I don't want you to say ..[such n such flirty statement to new girls]"
"I care for you greatly despite my actions"
"I'm not proud of what I've done but its a decision I would have come to eventually.." {a personal fave of mine, does she mean screw around or decide to break up??}
"I am truly sorry for the way that this unravelled" {another fave, 'unravelled'?? ..ahem.. try you pouring gas on our relationship them lighting a match whilst cackling...}
"Its hard for me to imagine life in [our village] without you"
"You have been very important to me"

Some real gems in there. I am so glad I cut her out of my life, I now see her for what she really was - nothing I would want in my life.

"I am so glad I cut her out of my life, I now see her for what she really was - nothing I would want in my life."

Your last sentence really hit home for me because its so true! I will definitely keep it in mind when the urge comes around to contact him.

I was told "I want us to get back together", which turned into "I can't predict the future", which turned into "i've told you there's no chance".
Actually, no you didn't. Screw you.

I was the dumper bt wat happened is I still love him!!! so i spoke to him and told him that I still love him this happened after a month we broke up and wat he told me was I DNT LOVE U ANYMORE ACTUALI I DNT KNW IF I LOVE U OR NOT BUT I MISS U AT TIMES!!!! DONT HAVE HOPES ON ME...!!! This hurted me alot...I still love him from the bottom of ma heart!!! Though ppl say he played on me I still love him!!!

My fiance broke up with me two days ago. I have been strong since then and have tried to keep my head held high but it hurts worse than anything I have ever experienced. I was so confident, fun, outgoing, and had a great spark when I was single. He was the one who wanted to rush the relationship and I was taking it steady. Then when I began to fall in love with him I put my gaurd down and we switced roles. Me acting the way he was acting, wanting to get married, ready for kids, all of it I truly believe scared him away. And I got one of the worst with him saying "I'm just not happy". We had a long distance relationship, and I did not see him but once every two weeks. I do not understand how he can attribute his unhappiness to me... Despite all our issues I was the happiest person in the world. And since the break up I have realized that I am still happy. Yes I am hurting but I have a huge future ahead of me especially since I am only 20 years old. I truly believe that all I need now is closure. How do I gain that?

This is so bad, I've heard them all from one person. That makes me feel pity for him, he's weak..

@tony -As a woman, I have no clue what's wrong with this woman. I've never done anything like what you said she did. Sorry, I wish I could help. But on a personal level, she sounds really mixed up to me, friends whatever that's no biggy. Sometimes I wonder if these are all just games they play with us to see if we will profess our undying love, they really need to understand that that's not the way it works, and it's not fair. When someone says they lost that spark or they need time etc etc. it says they have doubts, how in the world do they expect you to start professing undying love after doing that? Makes no sense to me.

@Marilyn - The part that got me was he'd lost that spark. I think that sums it up, mess on all that wishy washy other stuff. He's just playing you now. With your emotions and who god knows what else he's after really. A player? Say whatever you want then run back in whenever you want? Whatever...

@Andy -
just heard every single one of thes over the course of about 3 weeks before i finally cut her off (sometimes i regret that because i miss her fiercely; she either wants me in her life on some level or wants me on a string). hope that you are doing well and have been able to move on.

@Lisalisa -

I am struggling with this same issue. my ex said that she hoped we could be friends and that we needed to give things a year to see "where our spirits take us" and each time she would reach out i would cling to hope that this meant she was holding onto me for the time when she was ready. if we have things to work on in order to grow, why can't we work on them together?

Background:

Both of us divorced (young adolescent kids getting ready to go off on their own) Me in school full time and after having to get through a terrible abusive relationship lasting 17 years and taking 4 years to find the courage to date again.

This is my first real relationship since then and it was a LD relationship.

The short story goes:

I haven’t seen him for a couple months just prior to a week in Vegas. When he gets back (we had contact everyday that he was gone with lots of “love you babe’s”) I pick him up at the same time having paper deadlines to finish and I take time out to spend time with him and really welcome him home then, for a second time in our relationship, he cuts off communication for no apparent reason, then why I ask why he texts back that ‘why is it I can’s just give him space…then there was other words but he may as well of had these in blaring neon “The spark is gone”. I ended that night’s conversation pretty quickly after that but first I got in a few FU’s. That night was restless and I spent the next day just doing homework and sitting silently with the pain…. then early that evening I got more texts and this is the conversation I chose to have:


Him: Do you still feel the same today?
Me: I'm trying to make my way through a philosophy book...my life will go on with or without you...I'm not sure what it is you want nor do I think you know either...you may be afraid of loosing something if your with me...shall I say freedom...so there is nothing I'm going to do to stop you...I'm not your keeper nor will I try...if you need time take all you want...like I said my life will go on...I want it to mean something to me so I will never give up on it...maybe its best we just let it go...I can't do this anymore...its hard to find trust in a relationship that your not sure the other wants...and besides its to hard on my emotions to be wanted one day and ignored the rest...take the time to decide what it is you want in life...I may still be around or I may not but hopefully you will have discovered what it is you want...Are you ok?
Him: I guess you're right in that I don't know what I want.... I'm actually a wreck
Me: Just let it go...there's nothing to get wrecked about...you'll be fine eventually...then when your head is clear you'll be free to figure out where you want to go from here...I'm not going to beg you to stay...it was always a choice you needed to make for yourself...however since its my feelings that are being tossed around with your indecisiveness it becomes my choice to let you do it to me or not...I choose not to live like that...nor do I think you want to either...we have to say good bye...and yes it hurts but it hurts equally as much if not more to leave it like this...give it time you'll be fine and you'll be free from the emotional upheaval that this relationship is causing...
Him: What is it that you want? What are your goals and dreams? You have made comments that there's nothing holding you where you are ... Doesn't that create a lot of uncertainty for me as well? How am I to interpret all this? I've been wondering if I'm disposable when you decide what it is you want.
Me: Well all you had to do was ask me...instead you shut me out...I don't know where I'm headed...I have school to finish...I set out to do it...its paid for so I'm going to finish...after that I don't know...I have no plans...I guess I was just planning on going wherever my life takes me...after school I have to work...where or at what is too far in the future for me to see...but it was something I wished we could have talked about but when I brought it up all you could do was go silent and run...and no I have never thought you were disposable...hoping on flexible but never disposable
Him: Well that is what I want to be - flexible. I have no idea of where I'll be in the future neither and am willing to just go with the flow so to speak, to a certain point. There are practical things, which I must plan for, such as a place to live that is not dependent upon being in [this work]. The writing is on the wall as far as my long-term continuation of what I do. And in all honesty that scares the hell out of me ... All I know to do is [this work].

Me: Don't you have bowling tonight?

(Ok in all honesty I switched the conversation here by not responding to his uncertainties. He could have brought them up way before this. Now I really don't care what or what he doesn't want or need or is confused about. Aren't we all at times in our lives, is that a reason to just shut your feelings off? I don't think so.)

Him: I'm not going. [Friend] and I went to the [restaurant] for supper and I couldn't even finish one beer ... It just started my guts churning so I'm staying home and trying to find something brainless to watch on tv and hopefully fall asleep

(Wants sympathy that I don't have to give him)

Me: I didn't go to class either...this mornings class was cancelled...but I am trying to get through some homework...and I'm trying to just stay calm...there is nothing I can do to change things so I'm just going to surrender to it and let it be...getting angry or falling into an emotional wreck just means I'm trying to control what is not in my control...basically just being still with the hurt...
Him: I'm sorry
Me: Don't be...I'm not sorry I met you...just let me go ...and don't feel guilty I'll be fine
Him: I know you'll be fine as you're a very strong lady ... Its me that I'm worried about ... For I do love you very deeply and I don't know if I can go on without you

(I love you so deeply but "there is no spark" - This one isn't worth a response and "I need space" - How much more space do you need was the last 2 months not enough?)

Me: You were doing perfectly fine before me and you will again...seems to me your problems started because you were with me...
Him: Not at all
Me: I'll leave you be with your homework :*
Him: ... That's for now ... Not permanently

(It’s permanent for me…I have set up the NC (No Contact) strategy and plan on sticking to it…after my silent retreat, Me, myself and I have all agreed that we will not be treated in such a manner and plan on putting one foot in front of the other and continue on. Looking back, I saw it coming I read the signs and figured I’d be the one to not act in a cowardice way by taking control of my life and making decisions that are in my best interest. The love and trust are gone, I will not beg for someone to love me for I love myself enough already. So if I’m going to be in a relationship then I want one in which “Love is the responsibility of an I for a You”. One that brings me joy to do things for another, not wanting to change them, liking everything about them (even the things I don’t like), feeling loved whether together or apart, putting an effort into making two ways of living into a respected and honored one way and hopefully they will reciprocate by finding joy in doing these things as well…If loving someone becomes a burden it wasn’t really love in the first place because there was never a time that you let the other be a subject (instead of an object) long enough in order to feel their true essence as a person…Now I say up and on with LIFE!)

Hi Marilyn,

I just want to say i found your response to your breakup very inspirational and it has made me feel very positive to moving on.

Thank you for sharing. : )

I had found the one that i thought i was going to marry. i knew that she had fears about commitment because she had been married and left with a 7-month old baby, so I avoided the subject of marriage. after one year of dating, much of which consisted of time at home with her daughter, she began saying things like excited she gets about the thought of marrying me one day. she even had a conversation with her daughter, in front of me, about having a baby sister very soon. so, a few days later i bring up the idea of marriage, just to see where she stands and if she is more comfortable with the idea. she says that she is not, but a couple of days later tells me that she is falling in love with me all over again (to reassure me that she still wants to be with me) and a few nights later, she breaks up with me with vague comments about just being confused about what she wants. the next day she sends me a text about how she knows she is giving up a whole hell of a lot in me and kicking herself in the ass for breaking up with me, but that she knows it has to be this way right now. she also tells me that she is hopeful we can come back together some day but that she knows it can't happen now. she tells me that she is not yet ready for commitment and i can't help asking "why would you tell me how excited you were about the thought of marrying me and ask your daughter about having a sister or brother soon. about a week later she texts me again to tell me how depressed she is since breaking up with me and how she has realized so many things that she missed about me, but that she still doesn't think we should be together right now. another week passes and she emails me to tell me that she has gotten on medication for bipolar disorder and that everything is so much clearer to her now....and that her daughter asks about me all of the time since we broke up.
what is this person's deal? everything she has done or said has served to keep me hanging on. is this her purpose? and for what?

Run! You keep hanging on...move on. What happens when she gets off of her meds?

@Cat - Thanks! I hope he and his ex wife are happy together - they divorced four years ago - and as my good friend said - "you'd think that a grown adult going through the process of a divorce - especially if there are kids involved - would be in the "damn sure nothing else to think about category". Anyway, my earring is still in his bed (yep, I was in his bed the night before his ex was) so maybe it stabbed both of them in the eye...

@Kelly - To everyone who has had a broken heart! why do you think its called FALLING in love?
Because it HURTS!!! Just remember to get up, brush yourself off and try again when you are ready. xoxo

I was dumped just a few days ago. Here's exactly how it happened: This is the email (yep, email) he sent...

I'm sorry I missed your call. I was taking a nap and it rang out before I could answer.
I've been a bit in a cave this week for a reason. Well, my ex came over on my birthday and said she wants to get back together. Yes, this is complicated and kind of brings my life to a halt. I'm trying to work this idea out in my head and my heart, and what is the right thing to do. It isnt easy, and I/we see the therapist on Wednesday for support. Life is way too complicated sometimes, and the burden of being heartbroken sometimes is overwhelming in itself.
I need some time to breathe and figure out what to do at this point. I think it helps I have [my son - parentheses are mine I took out his kid's name] all this week with me because of the holidays so I have some diversion and can put it all in perspective. I hope the seminars down South went well for you. Time to go back to sleep a bit. I'm terribly sorry not to say this over the phone but I dont think I could express very much right now; and honestly my emotions are pretty fried/they have been the last few years so anything emotional kind of sends me scurrying back to my cave. Please excuse me.

I called and said I have one question: "Did you sleep with her?" He said "yes". I said "Then that's all I need to know. Please mail back my stuff." That was it. I hung up. He did then send an email saying how much he respected me - I HATE that line, because it just makes me think, "Wow, if this is how treat me when you DO respect me, how would you have treated me if you DIDN'T respect me". Then he said he was sorry for "being a dick and being clumsy". I think that's about the only apology I"m going to get. Both emails were all about him and what he was feeling - wow. He didn't have the guts to completely break it off (I had to do that - he just did the "I need some time" shtick) and he wasn't even willing to talk to me on the phone, let alone in person. Sheesh.

"i don't want to hurt you" ... yeah i got that one. only it was followed by "i have to tell you the full and honest truth.... all this time i've only been using you for sex."


i'm just laughed in his face after that one.

"I have been there, I thought I was never going to love again, and then I found you... you will get over it, give it time"
I know this was said in a sincere attempt to help, but all I heard was "once I loved someone as much as you love me... sorry I couldn't love you that much... you'll get over it"

i got the ( its not you its me ) my reply was that old cestnut then found out she was cheatting on me for 4 weeks

@Amy - i gad this said also it such a load of balls why cant people just tell the truth

I've heard so many of these.. And I always hate it. One that I truly hate is "I need time to think." Should that show me he just wants other girls or just actually wanted to break up? This still confuses me most..

What's funny about no 5 the "you deserve better" statement is that it's true lol, mine said it, and I believe it! :D . And actually I dumped him first coz he ignored me a lot... , then I sorta tried a makeup then he wanted to just be friends - excuse was he wasn't over his ex (he'd ignored me alot and I didn't like it..)... , so I kicked him out lol. He's pulled all those lines up there, even went the don't talk 30 days etc. Now we are at a stalemate getting nowhere, he's supposedly had a girlfriend a month after our "breakup" and I know it's all just a lie, now says he's "waiting for her" he hasn't heard from her in 3 weeks. he "confessed to me" he missed her, confessed? lol. Anyway it's just one big game after the other, I recently was just in another relationship that thank god only got as far a few kisses, I liked him okay but it was a wishy washy thing, he being in the middle of a divorce etc. just complicates things, havent seen him in 4 days now and not expecting too lol. Ehh life's just a bitch then you die, don't expect anything and you won't be disappointed. lol

I actually have had a few variations on these quotes.

"I will always care about you and respect you in the highest regard."
"Whenever you are ready to be friends, we can pick this back up. I really do want to be friends."
"I'm afraid I've made the biggest mistake of my life (breaking up with you)."
"I'm afraid I'll never be able to love anyone!"

These are probably some of my favorites. When I first heard them in the heat of the break up I did just like you said and clung to those words with a false sense of hope that it might mean reconciliation. But now that I've had time to stand back and look at it with calm thoughts, I realize that it takes a very emotionally immature person to say those sort of things to another person. If you truly cared about not hurting the person anymore than you had to, you would avoid stringing them along with such fluffy lines.

I'm so happy I found this article. You're fantastic Eddie :-)

Without warning, he breaks up with me after three years, and endless promises of a life together. And how does he do it? With phrases 1,2,3,4,5,6,8,9,10. And of course I thought it all made sense..