10 Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your Ex

10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear From Your Ex

by Eddie Corbano

185

As if the news that your partner doesn’t want to be with you any longer isn’t enough, they often think they have to try to comfort you – to make you feel better.

What most of the “Dumpers” simply do not understand is: they CANNOT give any comfort. They are only able to give as much comfort as a drug would to a drug addict.

But I don’t blame them.

I’ve been both, “Dumpee” and “Dumper”. The truth is when you care, none of these roles is a walk in the park.

There are certain rules you can follow to break up gracefully, yes, but most of the “Dumpers” have never heard of this.

The result is – they say stupid things that make you hate them, and prolong your healing time.

I’ve listed below 10 of the worst phrases dumpers have thrown at my readers, as reported in the emails I receive. Hopefully YOU will not make the same mistakes in the future.

1. “We can still be friends”

This is an all-time classic.

There are actually three things behind this:

The dumper thinks that being friends with you will make it easier
The dumper doesn’t want you to disappear completely from their life, (but also doesn’t want you IN their life)
The dumper wants to take advantage of you in some way, (friends, sex, influence, etc.)

The no-contact rule demands that there is no friendship after a break up, and this is proven to be the best way to go.

Period.

2. “It’s not you, it’s me…”

This is something completely stupid to say.

When you are looking for an answer, an explanation, then this answer will confuse you completely.

3. “I love you still, but…”

This sentence is also a big no-no.

Although I admit that there can be situations where the Dumper honestly thinks that they still love the person with whom they are breaking up with, but it is NOT ok to say it.

I understand that the dumper might think that it’s easier for the one left behind, but trust me, it isn’t. On the contrary, it is MUCH harder to hear that your Ex still loves you.

“Then why is he breaking up with me?” This is a legitimate question, which the Dumper never could answer in a way that the Dumpee understands it.

There are some more stupid phrases in the same category:

“I will always love you”
“I’m always there for you”
“I have loved you so much”
“You are and always will be someone special to me”
“I don’t want to lose you”

These are all terrible statements you really don’t want to hear from your Ex who’s breaking up with you.

4. “I am simply not the relationship-type”

This is sort of a classic one.

People have written me that they’ve heard this one after several years of being together. With this background, such a sentence is only a slap in the face, and an insult.

5. “I am not good enough for you”

This is usually followed by, “You deserve better than me”.

This one, while also meant to give comfort, accomplishes the opposite.

6. “I need time to think”

The next thing you are going to hear after this is usually, “We should take a time-out”.

This happens a lot and is almost always a sign of cowardice: The dumper had the plan to break up, but pulled the plug. Instead they are postponing the problem, on the cost of the one left behind. The following “time-out” will be hell for them: they don’t know whether they have been dumped or not. The uncertainty is just unbearable.

In this case, I recommend for you to reply: “I don’t want a time-out. You have to decide right away whether you want to continue the relationship or not!”

7. “That’s life!”

Yes, life means making experiences, the good and the ugly – but I don’t need YOU to tell me this during the break up, dear Dumper!

8. “I really don’t want to hurt you”

I’m sure you don’t want to hurt the one you’re breaking up with, but I’ve got news for you: You ALWAYS do.

It’s impossible to break up with someone without hurting. That’s a fact. All you can do is follow some rules and try to make it as graceful as possible.

This is of course difficult, but doable.

9. “I’m sure that I will regret this”

Now what’s that supposed to mean? Is this a hidden clue that it might later come to reconciliation?

While this is very often just an expression the Dumper throws in without thinking about it, the Dumpee will not forget it. In fact, this sole expression will most likely lead to harmful “overthinking”.

10. “I don’t know what I want”

This is very often an attempt to draw attention to themselves, hoping to distract from the horrible situation that is happening. If it’s followed by something like, “my life is a mess”, then the Dumper is trying to be pitiful.

They don’t know what they want, but they still want to break up.

Don’t play this game.

Conclusion

If you are the Dumper, then please avoid sentences like this. I’m sure they are said with the best intentions, but they can only do harm to the person left behind.

Plan ahead what you are going to say, be clear in your intention and leave no doubt. This is the best you can do.

If you are the Dumpee and your Ex throws sentences like this at you, try to not take them to heart. Ignore them the best you can.

All the information you need is that your partner wants to break up with you, as painful as that might be.

The best you can do is to forget everything they say while breaking up, how they say it is not relevant. The consequences of it are hard enough to deal with – don’t burden yourself with the details.

Now it’s your turn: What have you heard from your Ex that you really hated? Please list those phrases in the comment section.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

Make your Ex suffer! Click here to watch my FREE presentation:
"How To Make Your Ex Regret They Broke Up With You"

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About The Author:

Eddie Corbano is a breakup-coach, relationship-advisor and founder of LovesAGame. He suffered from a devastating break up in 1998. Since then, he dedicated his life to helping others getting the best of this existential experience. The overcoming of a break up is an important step to autonomy and independency. Eddie Corbano developed some new coaching programs, which focus on evolving inner strength and the power to set and reach any personal goal. (Article written on April 24th, 2009)
Show all posts by Eddie Corbano

Category: Break Up and Divorce | Breaking Up
Tags: break up lines, comfort, healing, how to break up

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anon

“I'm a mess, who would want to be in a relationship with me? I don't want a relationship. Besides, you're not someone I'd seem myself being in a relationship with.”

And then when I asked what we were doing, according to him, if we weren't building a relationship he replied,
“We have hot chemistry and get along so well. We are dating and in the long run we are building a friendship.”
I told him I'd never heard of that concept before! Dating to build a friendship?!

So then I called him out on the fact that he wasn't calling or texting as much as he used to. He responded, “You're hurting me by saying I'm not making an effort when I *am*. I can't talk about this anymore because you said that, I'm shutting down!”

The conversation got really messy and he kept shutting down. I told him I wanted space, not to 'get out' of breaking up, but because I was generally confused and overwhelmed by the messages he was giving me and emotional/angry/unsure. I needed to step back and really think about whether this was good for me. He lives 4 hours away so he just climbed into my bed and slept over without asking. He tried to make out with me, but I nudged him off. In the morning, I opened my eyes and he was awake, sitting above me.

“I'm confused now, because we are being sweet to each other and sleeping in the same bed.” What was I going to do, throw him in the street for the night? There wasn't a couch for him to sleep on. Then he said, “I think we should just build a friendship because what if one of us decides we don't want to date anymore while we are taking space?”

“Like I said last night, I want space from you and from dating you. That means no talking about our relationship. If one of us wants to date after that and one doesn't, then we won't date.”

“Oh okay, so we can be friends then.”

UGH!
Jess

My Ex broke up with me last night. He was my first crush in elementary school way back in 3rd grade. But we hadnt talked for many years till this one. He seemed like Mr. Right, he has my kind of humor, we have things in comon, and we had fun together. So we dated about a week ago we were susposed to hang out after i got off of work. So when I got off I waited for him where we had planned to … after 20 min of it he still didnt show then a half hour later i get a facebook message on my phone saying he had to take care of business in DC and he was soooo sorry. I was pissed still because he didnt have the decency to call me at work or my cell and let me know. Then tuesday night when I returned from my flordia vacation we had plans to hang out at the local carnival. Once agien i couldnt get a hold of him and he was a no show for it… the best part is he didnt talk to me for 3 days after and on the forth day I get we need to talk. then he tells me ” i think we need to break up. Ive been a dick. A bad boyfriend. Im just not ready for a relationship. Im sorry its me not you. Your way to good for me. And you can do way better. Well i got to go bye.” and that was the end of it …
annagratful

“When we are in our 50s we should be together, by then I would have fixed the problems I need to be fixed. Or when you lose weight, you'll be more confident” (fyi: my ex is 28 and I'm 31 )

WTF?????????? Really? This pisses me off. It is so hurtful!
dabigguns

'this wouldn't be so hard if you weren't so nice'. 'i loved you the most'. (while sobbing)
raVena

my ex just said 7/10 of those when he broke up with me…and really confused me big time…

many things have been said and done and i know we will not be back together… and he had moved on and has a new gf after 2 weeks of the break up… PS… his girlfriend is the same girl that i had issues with when we were together…

just thankful that now i know… i deserve someone better

Gp0222

This just happened to me. Not one even a week later he was calling a girl we has issues about the whole relationship of 2 years. Sucks because we all go to the same gym… so messed up.

Anna K.

funny thing:
i actually broke up with my ex because i felt that he didn't care anymore.
but as we had a chat on the phone (long distance relationship), he actually said those things to me.
so even though i ended it, he's the one who dumped me.
he said: things were kinda heading that way mainly due to his actions.
he didn't mean to hurt me and he's sorry for that.
also he still had a lot of my stuff at his place which he'd do whatever i wanted him to with.
he'd still love me and i'd always have a special place in his heart but that it would be better that way right now.
and as such he would like us to remain friends though if that's possible.

also he stopped saying “i love you” at the end of phone calls and barely contacted me anymore anyway. he was very very distant and i knew right away something was wrong.
it developed gradually but in the end it went down hill pretty fast.
i knew right away this was it, it was over, so i ended it, still hoping that he'd say something to save the relationship.
but he agreed and actually said he was surprised that i thought so, too.
well, i didn't think so too! I just knew that he did, and couldn't take it any longer….

and actually, in this case, i very much refer to the quote: I don't miss him, i miss the person that I thought he was.

We were very happy in the beginning, everything seemed perfect.
But then his ex had his child and things changed from fairytale to reality, only it took 8 months since the birth for the relationship to break.
long painful 8 months were i kept hoping for better days to come.
if only we had broken up earlier, i would be over him by now.
but i've learned my lesson and i know now: i need to trust my insticts and put my heart first…
and never ever again mistake passion for the real love….
Guest

Have given any advice as to what you should say?

http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

Here's a guide to breaking up gracefully: http://lovesagame.com/how-to-break-up-with-some…

overandone

Something is missing…
My dad and step mom broke up before they got married…
I can see us being happy till we are 30 or 40 but what if this question of “what is missing” comes up again.

These were a couple of the crap-tacular reasons i was given. Followed by this e-mail.

“Thanks for respecting what I have to do, I do love you. And wish you all the best.”

I should't have expected anything less. He was a coward and was never truthful with me. I still wonder why i am so surprised.
http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

By the way, here is an almost perfect thing to say to your Ex when breaking up (I read in a book by Abraham-Hicks):

“You’re such a wonderful person. And while we haven’t connected on as many levels as I would like, I know there’s a perfect partner waiting for you, and I’m releasing you to that opportunity. Look for it.

I don’t want to keep you caged here, captive to something that neither one of us wants. I want to free us both to that which we both are wanting.

I am not telling you goodbye forever, I’m saying, let’s let this relationship have a new understanding between us, one that’s inspired from passionate positive desire, not one that’s whipped into place because we’re afraid of the possible consequences.”

overandone

But i don't understand the last part Eddie. It would be confusing if my ex had said that to me. “I am not telling you goodbye forever” sounds like he wants to take a break which is completely the opposite of what was said in the beginning. And if he isn't saying goodbye forever, should't you with the NO Contact policy. Im just curious?

http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

That's why I wrote “almost” perfect.

I also think that one shouldn't create false hope, even if that part of the quote perhaps wanted to say something different than “maybe we'll get back together again”. I just wanted to cite the quote “as it is”.

Nathan

After almost 5 years together:

“I'm still young.. I don't want to be in a committed relationship. I want to be free to date anyone I like. Perhaps we could try again when I'm 26 or 27…” (a few weeks prior to entering a what has now been 7-month relationship with another guy)

Sobbing: “He's not you.” (After I once foolishly asked her if he loved this new guy)

“You will always be my first true love, and you helped me become who I am today. I'll never forget you for that.”

Mandaholaway

re: “You will always be my first true love, and you helped me become who I am today. I'll never forget you for that.”

it's like, oh you are welcome. I'm glad you used me to make yourself a better person for someone else. Ugh, if an ex is going to use a line, at least put some thought into it and make it better! Or-a crazy idea- BE HONEST!

H.

I was with my ex for 2 years at almost the end of high school. We were so close, despite pretty much always being shaky for various reasons. We broke up officially a few months ago, but only Really split one month ago when she got with a rebound, a poor excuse for a man.

Unfortunately we still go to the same school. I have to see her every day and in the same class twice a week. Worse still, I'm almost forced to see her with her new 'partner' every week when we get lunch down the road from the school. She's told me “she's happy now” but I know that's a lie.

Worse still, she's making me hate her.. I've asked her continously to sit away from where me and my friends have for the entire year but she refuses. Even though she KNOWS I need the space to get over her. She laughed in my face. She called me pathetic. And she knows exactly how I feel, even telling me earlier that if she was me, she'd be dealing with it half as well. After that fight at school, when I got angry, I was told she posted on Facebook “Cheers for showing everyone how much of a douchebag you are”.

I've been consumed with hate. I've visualised revenge, to get her to leave me to get space. I've even planned it out. I'm sick of being the victim. But I'm trying to avoid it. Hopefully I can. The way she's suddenly been acting…

I'm slowly improving, avoiding her the best I can despite this obstacle. I figured it's about time to get my ass out of the depression I've made for myself. But each time I see them together, it all comes flooding back! The most frustrating thing is that no matter how much I hate her, I still feel that protective instinct.

We wanted to be friends after this all blows over. But it's gone way past that point now…
KK

I don't know so much about all that… My ex did that the first time around… “You're a cool chick and none of this is your fault”, that didn't hurt my ego as much. The second time around, I got “I met this other girl…”, “It's numerous of things, you need to grow up and figure it out for yourself.”, “I just don't want to settle for you.”, and “You're just another person to me.”

Honestly, I would've had an easier time getting over him had we just kept it at the first break-up. :/ The things he said the second time after I called him a few times afterwards… Well, I wish I never had to hear.
hurt

I techinically wasnt “dumped” because we never officially dated. He was with another girl and him and I fell in love. They ended their relationship about a week ago and I figured he would be with me…WRONG! He was a complete jerk to me these past 5 days. Anyways I saw him last night at the club and He came to my house afterwards to gather the rest of his belongings he said to me” I love you, your the one that I want to be with, but I dont want a sexual relationship with you. We need to maintain a friendship before we could ever start a real relationship” Yea wtf??? completly confusing btw he had a hickey on his neck and his excuse for that was it didnt mean anything and he made himself sound better by sayinh he didnt dance with anyone at the club..idk what to think:(
sh

I was dumped my boyfriend about a month ago, we had been together for a year and a half. We were very much in love. He told me that we were best friends, how much he loved me and planned a future with me. It made me all the more heartbroken when he split up with me because he felt I was selfish and that his needs in the relationship weren't being considered. I didn't hear from him afterwards and he saw how upset I was. He told me that he did love me, which confused me. I rang him a week later and we both said we missed each other and again he said he did love me. This made it even more painful to bear. I thought we had something special together. It's as if he's now just cut me out of his life completely, although he did say he would like to be friends. I'd find that unbearable. I know I have to move on and if he does love me he'd come back. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be as they say. I know that you can't force a relationship, it has to happen naturally.
4.5 yrs=20% of my life…

She said “I just need time to be single. I love you so much, and I want to marry you, but I need to be sure of myself as a single person.” And you're right, now I just wonder if I should wait or move on… her texting me and emailing me when she is really sad (or drunk) doesn't help either. But I just don't know if we will ever get back together. I know I gotta move on, but we only broke up so she could “learn to love herself” and she said she'd be back 100% but was terrified I wouldn't be here. It's so hard to try to move on… especially because I want to be here for her IF she comes back AND she just keeps texting me. I asked her yesterday to never contact me unless she is sober and ready to meet up– she agreed to…

Mikayla

Don't just react to what she does; you decide your own course of action and just move on, regardless of how she behaves and what she does or doesn't do. Stop letting her run your life. You deserve to be with someone who cherishes you.

Cutiebabybees

When we broke up, he told me he needed a time to focus on his kids and not ready for any relationship right now. The fact is in the next month he already got a new gf. Then now he keeps wanting to meet me with a reason because i mentioned i wanted to talk “about us” (i did mention this before he got his new gf).
Doesn't he realize that there is NO “us” anymore once he got a new gf. And I just don't understand why he keeps wanting to see me when he's having someone new now. It shows to me that he is a LOSER!! I don't regret we broke up now.
Ne

We arent compatible after he has had other women company, we live 100 miles from each other… & an ex's card I found saying ” I will always love you”… didn't know she had even came over….
Cherie

“Come back end of the year k? Take a year away but come back at the end. I'll be waiting for you.”

He's already seeing someone new and the one year isn't up yet.
neicy

How do I stop thinking of such a fool I was.
Blakelugiano

i heard in the pass i will come back for u in the future i will always be there one phone call away wtf tha mean excuse the language
Taurus_boy7

My girlfriend of 6 years just broke up with me. Sought of. We loved each other very much. I am 49 she is 28. For the last 3 years she pressured me for marriage and children, I wasn't ready to commit to that having come out of a nasty divorce. I dealt with her pressure by shutting her out on that topic. Eventually I healed and came to point where I could give her those things, when I told her of this I got lines like:

Something has changed for me.

I will always love you.

I'm yes and I'm no.

I still want us to be friends.

She didn't want to hurt me.

Time would tell if we had made the right decision (we? what decision?).

We are at the crossroads ( I didn't know I was!)

But she never actually said she wanted to break up. Eventually I lashed out at her verbally and decided enough was enough. I wasn't going to play this limbo game anymore, it hurt too much.

But to reinforce Eddie's point, don't say these things. It pulls people in and then pushes them out, back and forth and can really mess with their heads (as it did with mine). After a handful of text messages (hey, i'm a hurt male, give me a break) I decided to stop contacting her. Its only been a week but I realise we can't be freinds, there will be no us, time will only help get over it not bring us together again. At least I have discovered the importance of staying connected and communicating in a relationship and not shutting the other out over something. Hard lesson to learn though.

Cheers.
2LWC

my ex bf and I broke up 2 months ago. He told me he didnt know what he wanted, so I stayed friends with him. During those two months. ive been needy. i wanted his attention but he wouldnt give it to me. I wanted his touch he wouldnt give it to me. He will constantly get mad at little things that I say or do. One day when I saw him on msn I said Hi and then he said I dont want to talk to you He said I've pushed him far enough. I just wanted to be his friend. He then start to say that I'm CRAZY and how Im so dependant on him and on top of that he said I made him un-productive. I was like WOW! during the time we went out, I always ask him to go for walks with me and he will always say Im tired or Im feeling lazy. When I ask him to go on dates he says Im broke so I offer to pay for him most of the time. He made me really mad, I mean un-productive is no one's fault but yourself, can't blame someone for ur laziness! So its been 3 days that I haven't talk to him. This site has made me strong each day. I still love him but not as deep as before. Thx Eddie and the people who is still healing! YOU MADE ME STRONGER!!
Gp0222

-”I need time for myself” (less than a week is with a new girl

-”You deserve better”

-”I'm sorry for everything I did ” (never could apologize when he actually did it)

-”It's not you, it's me”

-”I don't know what I want”

-”I will always wish the best for you”

-”I will always have love for you”

-”Always take care of yourself”

-”I don't know why I stopped loving you”-

-”I don't know”

endless.
CheekyBabe

I don't know what I want now; If I want her, why do I miss u so?

and if I want you, why do I enjoy her company? I really don't know what I want…
Wiggle

Oooo, where to start?

Moved out from ex's house in Jan. I thought he was depressed. I got:

'I feel numb'

'I don't know what I feel'

I don't know what I want'

'I'm not sure'

'I don't know'

'You deserve someone better'

'I'm going to spend the rest of my life alone – it's easier that way because I can do what I want to, when I want to without having to worry about someone else' (bring on the violins)

Aafter 8 MONTHS of being treated like a yo-yo (yes, I know, I was a moron but that false hope is a killer…), I finally dragged it out of him that he'd not missed me once in the past 8 months (even then, I had to ask the question – all he said was 'No').

There's one aspect you've overlooked here Eddie – some men (ok, maybe some women too) are such &*!%$ cowards that they do their damndest to get the one who doesn't want to break up, to do the breaking up. And I wasted 9 years of my life on the jerk. Yeech.
Walk-on-water

What the..? Lol. I heard pretty much half this list in ONE break-up.
Guest

I want you be with you… but right now is not the time.. -_- Gah.
Katybabe1

“I miss the way we use to be, things aint the same. we're changing im different” he says then comes the long pause with his disappointed face “i jut dont love you the way i use too, we can still be friends”. YEAH i know what you mean buddie! i heard it before. your better off telling me the truth, you dont love me anyway and your the one whose getting bored. tell me everything i can handle but please dont try to insult my intelligence alright.
Mandaholaway

I have heard a few of these lines from my ex. It's so funny how they dumpers think these lines make a breakup any easier. One of my favorites was, “This isn't the end. I have to make some changes and be happy with myself.” Well I'm GLAD it took you 2 and a half years to figure out you need to make changes. Of course, after a few months went by and we would talk here and there, I would ask about getting back together and he would say, “I still want to date you, I'm just not where I want to be right now.” Oh, and then I heard, “I just don't want to be in a relationship right now.” (this last line was one of the last lines he used with me after telling me we would get back together for four months). I knew he was feeding me lines, but my heart wanted so badly for these “lines” to have some kind of truth in them. I realized, it's not that he doesn't want a relationship, he doesn't want it with me. He claimed he didnt want to date ANYONE because he was happy where he was financially and school-wise and wanted to focus on that. He also said he can't predict the future and he can't say yes or no but we might end up together then. Hopefully, I'll be in a stronger place when the “future” comes along and i won't want him any longer.
HollyWood

Man! This is soo true! Out of yout top 10, I heard the following “greatest hits”: #3 – I love you still, but I don't think I could ever live with you; #6 – I need time to think, but I don't like to keep people hanging!!! (come again?!??!); and #10 – I don't know what i want! When I do maybe I'll contact you and if you'll still love me then maybe we could be together then. (lots of maybes in that sentence, don't you think?)

Anyway – this is the second serious break-up of ours. The first one ended on about the same terms, with her bailing out and then I found out she was cheating on me with this guy since 2 months. Now, after I got her back, we're at it again and judging from her modus operandi which looks and feels the same as last time, she's seeing someone else again. I should not love her, you know…she took my love and bathed in it while in return I didn't got much. She never saw that I was confortable and her phone was the place where she kept all her skeletons of past (and turns out – present too) relationships. I know it's better for me that it's over. Maybe better for her too. But it hurts sooo much!!!
Ladeebug

This is so true. Mine was in and out of my life over the past year and a half 13 TIMES! I’ve heard it all. I agree that they break up with you but they act like they still care and continue to contact you in some way, shape or form. It’s like they just want to keep you on that string and make sure your mind stays on them. True that I always wished he would come back but I later found out that he wasn’t coming back for me, but for him. This was so he could lick his wounds and heal, then leave again. The latest was where he wanted me back one day and the next day got an email from someone on a dating site and he dropped me. He thinks I don’t lnow but I do and it hurts to think you are just the rebound.
really upset

at this time my heart is breaking as i write this – the worst comment he made was i cannot even fake it anymore

Seeingwithclarity

It is better to be broken up if he would be so insensitive and say a rude comment like that. Try to brush it off. Better things will come. It just takes time.
xXxwhitexXxonyxXx

Dear Really Upset,

You’re a beautiful, intelligent person! If he couldn’t see that, then that is HIS problem. Live life, darling, live life to its fullest! Don’t let that insensitive jerk own a piece of you by missing or hating him. Don’t hate him. Don’t miss him. Just forget him. He’s not worth you. You’re a gem. My deepest condolences about your pain.

~Sahra~

superfox

My ex pretty much rambled off that entire list to me through the course of this last month. And as an ending it was the ole “I really love you I really do but I want to be single and do what I want to do right now. I’m not sure right now about how i feel about a relationship and I don’t want to be in a relationship and then end up resenting it because I didn’t get to experience things (like ya know half the women in the town of fort lauderdale)”. I pretty much told him that I was sorry that i actually held him accountable for his actions and if he wants a life without consequences so be it. But he’s still going to have one. He won’t have me.

Five year relationship washed down the drain because he wants to go party guilt free. My heart feels like someone stepped on it, ran it through a blender, and then smashed it with a hammer some more but I know I’m strong and don’t need to be with someone who has decided that ‘he doesn’t want to feel guilty about his girlfriend at home’ when he makes decisions. Oh well baby…good luck finding another one of me. In the meantime I’ll be here still being the awesome person I am forgetting about you.

Anon

Your last sentence gave me so much joy. Thanks for your great post.
Anon

Your last sentence gave me so much joy. Thanks for your great post.

jen_1981

“I need to find myself. I know you have questions about everything but we shouldn’t have any contact for now….we need to heal”

written in an e-mail (after 10 years together and living together for 8 years). No Contact for 5 weeks and then suddenly I recieve a really thoughtful birthday gift with a note saying he hopes I know he cares for me….and later that day a text saying

“I hope you know i think about you and that I miss talking to you”

Don’t even know what to think
Jackie

wow…is it bad that in my last break up i heard almost everyone one of those hahaha yikes!
Em

In addition to the above list, he said, “I just need some ‘alone-time’.” Ok, I get that, but then I realized he meant alone, without me, but he would be with other people and other girls (including trying to hook up with my room-mate and thank god I can trust her and she didn’t fall for his BS!).
Then when I called him on it he busts out with, “I’m so confused right now. I don’t know what I want.”
And in spite of him saying, “Let’s just be friends-no sex”, he has no hesitations to try and call me to hook up. What is up with this trifling … ???
http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

It’s also kind of paradoxical, isn’t it?
http://twitter.com/Princesseess Princess

Thank you so much indeed…Nice post ..I never had any broken heart…:) Never been in love as well, I think I’ m to young for all this stay Blessed
xXxWhitexXxonyxXx

It sounds as though she wants to keep you as a safety line, one that she could pull in whenever she wanted to. When you lashed out, maybe that made her feel guilty for using you, but I doubt it. It sounds like she just realized that you weren’t up to being used.

My advice? Move on completely. Don’t talk to her, don’t reply to her, don’t LOOK at her. She will use everything she has to keep you as her safety line. She’ll pull you into a harmful, degrading relationship of being used, hurt, used and hurt all over again. She’s not looking for a relationship, at least not with you. I’m sorry, but it’s true. Something you and she should keep in mind–while she uses you, she’s using herself, too. By hurting you by keeping you as her safety line, she’s hurting herself, too. She’s not letting either of you move on, but that’s what you need to do.

My deepest condolences. I hope your Christmas was merry and that you will live your life to the best of your abilities.

~Sahra~
Archibald

She used pretty much all the lines Eddie mentioned above, I still love you, I want a break, I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want you out of my life, I still want to be friends.

All this after dumping me by email two weeks before we would be together again after a long year keep things going while we were working abroad. She crapped on our entire relationshop in the break up email, when we lived together she was miserable, she wasn’t happy when we were on holiday in spain, when we were on a cruise together, she didn’t enjoy the sex (no complaints at all at the time, quite the opposite). The cowardice involved in decimating our relationship to justify breaking up to herself, it makes my blood boil.
VRivas41382

Everything was fine one night we had good time together. Next morning he texted kick rocks I’m out! I tried numerous times for explanation which only made it worse. He eventually told me to basically leave him alone n never to contact him again. I have been doing quite well but now he texts me things like hi how are u today? Hows work? U doing ok? I don’t understand….
Jessy

“I love you, but I do not want to make you suffer.”
http://twitter.com/Prozeugma Eden

Actions speak louder than words. It is the buttom line that matters. Does it really matter what else they have to say? And I love ugly endings. They make moving-on really easy on you.
http://twitter.com/Prozeugma Eden

Actions speak louder than words. It is the buttom line that matters. Does it really matter what else they have to say? And I love ugly endings. They make moving-on so easy on you.
broken hearted

He broke up with me yesterday, he gave all of these:

“I will always love you”
“I’m always there for you”
“I have loved you so much”
“You are and always will be someone special to me”
“I don’t want to lose you”

Do those phrases mean anything or are they truly a lie that he’s trying to convince us both of?

And ofcourse #1 being friends. I know it shouldn’t happen, but I’m not strong enough yet to resist this offer. I’m just not strong enough to let him go already.

I never ever in a million years would have thought a broken heart could hurt this much. My entire body is in pain.
Dog Tooth

One of my ex had the best one :

I don’t want you to leave, but I can’t ask you to stay…

Coward !!!
Dog Tooth

Oh and he also said, the ”I know i’m gonna regret this”

Is the best I’m telling you !
Vinka Maras

- “I love you, but can’t go on with you?”

And a big WTF??! is still in my head…
Because I’m a person who thinks that anything can be resolved through talking, communicating.. And we didn’t have so big problem that could destroy 7 years of love….
I’m still confused with this sentence, that he keeps repeating to everyone… And I’ve noticed I cling to it, like it is my only hope: ‘oh he still loves me’….
I understand it is not good, but, for me, It will take time to get ‘over it’….
Maybe one day, I will know what he meant with it…
Anyways, thanks again
Xstayswetx

Hi Laurie,

i felt like replying to you, because you are the closest person i seen on here with the amount of years i can relate to… 13 years.. no marriage.. one child.. and he left me 2 1/2 years ago… still stringing me along until i saw him with another woman this monday night.. im torn .. hurt.. devastated.. and stupid.. . he has always told me he still wants to be friends.. but you know what.. i dont need his friendship.. and neither do you..
Ravenclaw154

I took “we’re still friends”, “it’s not you, it’s me”, “i’m not good enough for you”, “you deserve much better”, “i don’t want to hurt you”, “that’s life”. And the worst thing is “i don’t want to do this”, (yeah yeah, you didn’t want to but you still did it anyway). And it gave me the stupid hope that he might still have some feelings for me, damn it. If he had just said that “I don’t love you anymore, let’s break up”, it would’ve been much easier for me.

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