Archive for November, 2007

Time heals all wounds. At least, that’s what they tell you when you mention that you’ve been dumped recently (along with giving you that look).

But, does time really heal the wound that’s been brought to you by a break up or divorce?

I think that this is a common misunderstanding. Time would not heal anything if it didn’t force you to go through a certain process.

Time is the medium, the healing is done by you.

Time does heal to a certain degree, but the wounds are not healed effectively, let alone completely, if you don’t contribute anything to the healing process yourself.

Time makes you forget, but your problems are still there. Hidden, but present.

Conscious Healing

Is a break up painful? I know it is. Are you amplifying your pain by improper behavior? Well, let’s see.

For effective and in depth healing you have to take a “conscious healing” approach. That’s what I am teaching in my coaching.

Someone said to me lately that she is doing nothing special to overcome her divorce. Just waiting for time to heal it. What could she do about it anyway?

There are a lot of things you could do to start the “conscious healing”.

A conscious healing approach means that you have to make efforts, like do exercises and shift your state of mind, as opposed to doing nothing, letting the time to work for you.

Before you start with exercises, because you really don’t feel like you need to at the beginning, why not change the few things that directly influence your wellbeing in a negative way? Click to continue »

Do you make these mistakes in your relationship?

There is one particular fear that is usually waiting for you when you are finally over your break up or divorce: The fear of the next relationship. The fear that all you went through, will eventually happen again.

The path to the healing was arduous. The pain unimaginable. You really never want to go through something like that again. Ever!

That is very understandable. Unfortunately nobody can guarantee you that, but there is one thing I can guarantee you:

If you have gone through the phases of a break up correctly, you will cope much better with a potential future break up than you did before.

Also, it helps, if you know the 7 deadly sins in a relationship. Click to continue »

When she dumped Kevin, it was like a kick in the head for him. He needed days to come around and realize what happened. Even then it was an absolute mystery to him what caused the break up. It will take months for him to finally get a clue to the reasons.

Had he seen it coming? Well, he said no. But when I dug a little deeper, it became apparent that he actually had noticed unusual things in his relationship. He just dismissed them as meaningless. He never would have guessed that they could lead to a break up.

Apparently they were anything but meaningless.

If he would have given them some attention, he may have been able to do something to prevent the forthcoming events. He could have talked to his girlfriend, uncovered the problem and tried to do something to fix it before it was too late. If there is no communication, nothing will ever change.

The reasons why two people in a relationship drift apart are numerous. But I believe that if you spot the early signs, there is a very good possibility to get back on track again.

Why didn’t Kevin see it coming? Why didn’t he react upon the “unusual” things he noticed?

I believe that he knew what was about to happen, but it is very typical in such situations to simply refuse to believe that something is wrong. We would never believe that our partner, who was on our side for so long, would actually leave us. This appears so unreal.

Denial seems to be a good way of handling the problem. Of course, this is only self-deception.

Unfortunately, many simply do not know the early signs, the red flags, that something is going very wrong in their relationship.

Why should you pay attention to the red flags?

Click to continue »