Archive for February, 2008

We have learned in the last parts of this series what anger really is and where it is coming from. In part 2, I showed you some great ways to express your anger and hate safely without hurting yourself or others.

If you practice these exercises daily, you can overcome your anger towards your Ex and therefore pass into phase 3 very quickly.

But there is still one kind of anger left.

And this kind of anger, if not treated, is far more dangerous than the anger you have for your Ex:

It’s the anger and hate you feel towards yourself.

This is what this final part of the series is all about.

Why is self-anger so dangerous?

Let me tell you a short story. Click to continue »

Many years ago, when I finally overcame my extremely painful break up, I noticed a strong shift in different areas of my life. I’d become stronger, more independent, my relationship to others had improved-I was simply able to enjoy life more.

That was the moment when I started to plan how to convey this to other people with similar problems. But I wasn’t sure if the techniques I used would help other break up or divorce victims as well. Maybe they were only helpful in my personal case?

That’s when I went in search of the magic formula for overcoming a break up.

I had a concrete idea how a coaching program would look like, but I also needed another perspective, not just my own. So I decided to interview as many people as possible about how they survived their break ups or divorces.

The Interviews

I started with relatives, then friends, then friends of friends. I did a survey in a newspaper, and finally with the help of a friend psychologist, I was able to interview numerous people with different experiences.

Among them were a few who seemed to go through this process without any effort-with natural lightness. I then especially targeted those, for I was sure that they had some special traits which enabled them to get this behind them much quicker, and with less effort than all the others.

My coaching program was born.

Today, I want to share with you these special traits and mindsets which the “natural” survivors of break ups have had or have developed. Their knowledge will help you to realize where your own problems lie and how you can overcome them effectively. Click to continue »

When someone asks me what the secret to happiness is I always give the same answer: You have to find out for yourself.

Because I believe that what really matters is the process of finding it.

So you could say that the secret of happiness reveals itself to the one who pursues it – in an most individual way.

To someone it may be fame and fortune (although we are just witnessing on current examples that this doesn’t seem to work out). To others it’s success in their jobs, improving their relationships/family-life or simply improving themselves on a personal level.

What is the secret of happiness to you?

Let me tell you a little story.

It’s from the great book The Alchemist and it illustrates perfectly what is important when you pursue your happiness. Please take 2 minutes to read it, it’s really worth it: Click to continue »

In part 1 we talked about how to know when we are consumed by anger, what anger really is and why it can be fatal to “stew” in it.

Today, I want to show you some ways for you to express your anger, and how to get rid of it without harming others or yourself.

First of all, I want you to realize that feelings of anger and hate after a break up or divorce are very human. We committed ourselves emotionally to one person, renounced many other things which were important for us just to be with him/her, hoping it would last forever.

Then the beloved person leaves. All our hopes and dreams were shattered. Who wouldn’t be angry or even hateful?

Please don’t condemn yourself for feeling this anger. It’s normal and understandable.

You have the right to be angry!

Allow yourself to feel this anger but forbid yourself to express the anger in harmful violent ways.

Accept it.

Remember: you alone are responsible for your feelings and not your Ex. They’ve decided to leave, but it’s your responsibility to free yourself from all negative emotions.

If you cannot express your negative feelings and try keeping them inside, you will postpone the healing process and even worse: the negative emotions will lead to depression and physical discomforts.

Let’s get rid of them, shall we? Click to continue »