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5 Reasons Why To Go For A Long Distance Relationship

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Go For A Long Distance RelationshipWe have all been in this situation, you meet someone very special, you fall in love, everything is perfect, then suddenly it turns out that this very special someone had to leave far far away for college, better job, expedition, you name it. You then have two choices: breaking up or to go for a long distance relationship.

I am receiving many e-mails after my article how to make a long distance relationship work. People are asking me if they should go for a long distance relation ship or not, will it turn out well, for how long is it ok, and so on. I try to answer every e-mail detailed. But in the majority of cases my respond is usually: Yes, I would always go for it, if you feel it is special, if you have a clear time frame, if you are willing to follow my rules, and last but not least: if you believe in it.

Many of you have had a non-working long distance relationship in your past, so your hopes and self-esteem regarding long distance relationships are not high. For this reason I have decided to list some benefits of a long distance relationship to make your decision easier and to give you some hope as well. You are not alone, there are hundreds of thousands of working long distance relationships around the globe.

I said that I usually always recommend to go for the long distance relationship, however there are a few exceptions.

If the duration of the separation is unusually long and the chance for monthly meetings are extremely low, it is going to become very hard. In that case I recommend to think it over, especially you are very young. I am well aware that it is very difficult to say no to the relationship out of rational reasons, but eventually that would be a better solution. Otherwise it may lead to frustration, anger and pain.

But for now, let’s assume that you have not more than one year or so to go and you know that you can follow the 10 rules.

Here are the top 5 reasons to consider why to go for a long distance relationship:

1. Better sorry than safe

There is nothing sadder than a missed opportunity.

A very wise man once said to me: “I never regret things I’ve done, but I regret many things I have not done”.

You never know how things are before you try them. Every single experience, good or bad, enriches your life in some way. It builds the basement for decisions in the future. They make you wiser and build up your self-esteem. Let alone that in every missed opportunity you may have missed the love of your life.

All the good things in life involve a certain risk, but the biggest risk in life is missing out.

Think about that.

2. You gain time for other things

“Finally I can take the Spanish course”.

A long distance relationship isn’t as time consuming as a regular relationship. You can use the free time to reach your personal or job related goals. You have more time for your career, friends, hobbies and family.

3. It’s the ultimate test of seriousness

“I really mean it baby”. Now you can prove your commitment.

There is no point enduring a long distance relationship if you don’t mean it, if you are not fully committed. It just doesn’t work. After a few weeks/months first girl/boy that comes around you like you will break out.

So, this is a test whether you are committed and suitable for each other for a long term relationship.

Of course, this only applies to couples who were together before they were separated in a long distance relationship. If you’ve met in a chat room it’s the other way around.

4. You learn to treasure these rare moments together

Fact is, you’ll probably see each other only 1-2 times a month, if at all. These rare meetings will be an explosion of passion and love. All the longing will focus into this short meeting.

It’s a good lesson to realize what really matters in a relationship.

5. You really get to know each other

It is much easier and much more natural to get to know somebody through e-mail. All the outside-stuff is left out. It is easier to open up, you learn the inner world of you partner.

No pretending, no beautifying.

This also makes the meetings more intense.

There you have it, some thoughts why to take a chance and go for it.

Please do me two favors.

Tell me your thoughts about this. Have you survived a long distance relationship? So why would you recommend it? I’m looking forward to your comments.

The other thing is, please participate in the following survey, I’m really interested how many of you would go for it again.

(survey closed)

I hope that I gave you some insights which will help you make the decision. Don’t take it too easy, a long distance relationship is very hard, but it could give you so much in the end.

Ask me about it!

Your friend,

Eddie Corbano

(Photograph is from istockphoto / humonia)

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About The Author:

is a breakup-coach, relationship-advisor and founder of LovesAGame. He suffered from a devastating break up in 1998. Since then, he dedicated his life to helping others getting the best of this existential experience. The overcoming of a break up is an important step to autonomy and independency. Eddie Corbano developed some new coaching programs, which focus on evolving inner strength and the power to set and reach any personal goal. (Article written on August 11th, 2007)
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Category: Long Distance Relationships
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  • brittany

    I was in a long distance relationship and my ex boyfriend couldn’t handle it. He couldn’t change himself to put long distance relationship into his expectations of a relationship. We were only 2 1/2 hrs away, seeing each other every other weekend. We would fight about our relationship or minor problems during the week and those fights or whatever are the ones that bugged him to much. Now he’s trying to figure this all out.

    Any advice for him?

  • Sweety

    I am currently am in a long distance relationship… have been it for 11 months..I live Michigan and he lives in Texas we are both in college on are last year of school. We started on Myspace and after about 3 years of chatting . Eventually he asked me for my number. We started talking everyday on the phone for about 6 months.. not entending for thing to get serious.. we started to catch feeling and chose to meet.. Now I am Love with my boyfriend ..( the only problem is I get so nervouse when it comes to talking about one of use moving, because I know how hard the transition will be for either of use,(most likely me), but at the same time because we don’t talk about it I don’t have the security of knowing the next step in our relationship)

    I don’t want to lose him I am truely in love with him and could not see myself without him) it just gets really hard sometimes..

    need some advice of bringing up the subject of moving??

  • Lorreen

    Hey,

    I broke up with my long distance boyfriend of two years almost 3 weeks ago. He is a Sagittarian, and I am a Cancer. We were dating for a year before he moved. He moved because he offered a much better job opportunity.Although it broke my heart I agreed to let him go out there.

    I broke up with him for two reasons. 1. He had so many issues going on in his life, that I didn’t want to be a burden anymore. 2. I felt ignored amongst all of his problems; he was not willing to be affectionate to me anymore.

    With our relationship, when things were good, they were amazing. When things were bad, we seemed to fight about everything!

    I asked him a week after the break up if we could be friends, as I am obviously still in love with him and I regretted my decision. He said that he would like to be but not now which was understandable.

    For a period of time I would hope he would come back to me or at least be friends. On January 1st he contacted me saying that he missed me, and i went ahead thinking that I should pour out my feelings and tell him I still love him and that I regret my decision. He ended up telling me he did not want to get back together, but then he said he didn’t know..then asked what was in it for us. I decided to no longer speak to him.

    Three days later, he sent me a text message saying, “I don’t think its right to cut you off the way I wanted to, so we are cool if you want and you can talk to me if you want to.”

    My question is, should I attempt to win him back, or should I let him come to me again, or should I simply let it go?

  • EMMANUEL BEAMON

    I WOULD LIKE SAY THIS IS VERY HELPFUL BECAUSE ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND HAVE BEEN WITH EACH OTHER FOR EIGHT MONTHS DOING EXATLY WHAT YOU SAID BUT THE FUNNY THING ABOUT IT IS THAT I DOING THE MOVIE DATE, AND E-MAILING LONG BEFORE I READ THE ARTICLE, BUT READING IT NOW LETS ME KNOW WE ARE DOIN SOMETHING RIGHT :)

  • Haley Newton

    Okay, I really REALLY need some advice on this. Im still in highschool and my boyfriend is in the marines. We started talking because of my friend Ryan thats in the marines and I couldn’t be any happier that i have the oppritunity to have such an amazing boyfriend like him, but we dont get to see eachother that much, AT ALL. The only time I see him is when i have breaks at school and I travel down there to see him or when he is able to come see me on leave like for Christmas and 4th of July. I know it’s going to get extremely hard and Im completely commited to this relationship and we both want to do anything to make it work! I have about another year before I can go see him more often and I want to know some tips that could make things a little easier till then, atleast to give us some hope. We have made plans that seems to all work good toogether. I really want to go to college in North Carolina where he’s stationed and he wants to sign up for marines again after his 3 years are up. Everything we talk about is about our future and we want our future together. Please give me some advice that can help u survive this and make our hopes and dreams a reality. Thank you.

  • Ashley

    Hi Eddie,
    My boyfriend and I have been together and going strong now for the past 2 1/2 year. What we have is indefinitely love. I am from MN and moved to San Diego for school and work which is where I met Kyle. We typically spend every day together, he is 24 living at home with his parents while he finishes up school. His family is my family, and vice versa. We really have only had a couple major fights out of the entire 2 1/2 years that we’ve been dating…our most recent has been the worst. He gets overwhelmed with school, and where he’s at in his life as he regrets decisions he’s made in the past…which leads him to a state of confusion to where he sometimes resorts to saying he doesn’t know what he wants…I know he’s in love with me and I with him, and I know he wants to be in a relationship with me it’s just hard to here him say he doesn’t know. I’ve made the decision to move back to MN for a little while to spend time with family as its been hard for me living in CA for the past few years as all I depend on is Kyle which I feel sometimes takes away from him being an individual and spending time with his friends. I am not a controlling person whatsoever I just enjoy my time with him. My move to MN isn’t a permanent living situation I would be more than happy to move back out to CA once he finishes up with school and decides that settling down is what he wants with me…I’m just afraid of the whole distance thing…many make it seem to hard to handle…I know we’ll be able to visit each other every few months as well as holidays…money is not an issue just time off from work. My anxiety and worry is killing me right now…i’m I making the wrong decision to be back home with my family for a while to allow space and room for growth in both our lives…or am I making a huge mistake? Please help! Thank you Eddie!
    - Ashley

    • http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

      Dear Ashley,

      As always with major decisions, not one can tell if it’s a mistake or not. It is my opinion that there is no such thing as a wrong decision. There’s only experiences.

      If you think that your relationship is the real deal, then no “reasonable” LDR could harm you (plan for the future, regular visits, etc.).

      Eddie

  • colonelhell

    I find most of the people posting advice here selfish / self centered … how can it be love when you find the part of moving with your partner or ‘transition’ hard. It is always about what you really want and what you put before what … we all have aspirations if its about picking up the next promotion or a slightly better job or going for studies and both of you are ok to live long distance … then whatever you had wasnt good enough to make it work out.

    • Butterfly

      It’s hard for both parties living a long distance relationship. I’m currently very far from the man i love. We used to meet almost everyday. Then he had to move to another country for work. It was so hard at first. I spent my nights crying. Even days also. At anytime i could break up in tears. Then things were a bit better. I cried less. But was still sad. After that semi calm period, came the depression period. It was like the first phase but now i feel really lonely. I miss him so much. Miss being with him everyday. Miss talking to him. Miss his mischiefs. Miss being in his arms. Dunno how i will be able to live without him for 2 years.

  • Eric

    Eddie,

    I’m a senior in high school this year. I’ve been with my girlfriend for the past 16 months, and we are absolutely crazy about each other. She is a junior, so she’ll be going to the same high school next year while I’ll be going to a college one hour away.

    We’ve been talking the future together, and we don’t know what to do. We want to stay together, but she is scared that it will be hard, and not worth it. She doesn’t want to take away from the college experience for me because I’d be coming home to visit her every once in awhile.

    She is scared and doesn’t know what to do, and has even started talking about us being in an open relationship or something of the sort… I am starting to get really worried about this. I care about her so much, and I know that I love her and she could possibly be the one.

    She is unsure if us staying together is worth it because she plans on going to a college far away from here, so is we stayed together next year, what would we do once she goes to college?

    I really need some advice on this topic, I hope you can help me. I don’t want to lose her, or miss out on a chance to be with her in the future. I feel that its worth the risk of being hurt to stay together because who knows what might happen, but she isn’t so sure.

    Please help Mr. Eddie…

  • colonelhell

    I really doubt this will make sense to you now. But I think you love her a lot more than she does :) . Never trust a girl who suggests an open relationship as an alternative. LDR requires a lot of commitment and trust. She clearly doesn’t see you and her together in the future, it will be hard for her to give you that. You are young, focus on college, work hard and enjoy. I am not saying you should be selfish in a relationship but you need to have a great deal of self worth. Good luck!

  • Sarah

    Yeah I was in one for 1 year and then I finally stayed with him and it lasted 2 years together, it was not a bad relationship at all we just realised we wanted different things out of life, and well It was a great learning expeirence for me to get to know myself and what I want…and I would totally do another long distance relationship because I do believe you get to know the person alot lot better :-) and they get to know you.

  • Guest

    This is very helpful…I have not been in a long-d. rel. but I will be soon for the fact that me and my bf r going 2 different schools. I am fairly young, but my mom says possibly we can just 'hang out'(she also said that the difference between dating and hanging out is that dating is more serious and hangin out is like what u do w/ a friend only in this case opposite gender). P.S. Sry I didn't put my real name. .. I m 2 young!

  • Arva786

    hey, Actually I am in a long distance relationship ryt now… we both are actually looking forward to meet eac other and are serious abt this relationship… you knw whts the strange thing abt this relationship.. thrs no romance BUT we really like each other.. as in we r really good frnds.. but we knw whr we r gona end into.. a realtionship!!! act his mom and dad quite frequently see me.. they saw me first liked me.. sent me his id..i thot of tryin it lets c.. now.. the thing is we guys strtd tawkin.. n its been 5months now… so basically we donot flirt with each other..bt v have a pretty safe love story…whr we dont expekt alot from each othr.. we tawk wid each other once or twice a week.. since we live miles apart and the time difference cant b coped up neways.. and since his workin hours are prety horrible.. so.. basically ..its like.. we guys hav feelings for each other.. but we cannot express.. coz thrs eveything btween the both of us.. except chemistry… for tht we both feel we need to meet.. thts the onli formality.. well abt the relationship.. one thing i blv every person in such a relationship SHOULD HAVE PATIENCE..and i promise.. if u r serious with it.. u'll b rewarded.. i have been.. i mean.. i m not sayin i hav had no problems.. it was hard very hard initially.. but thn once u get to knw how the opp person stays and his schedule u'll realise slowly.. and thn tht person also strts realisin u need to giv some tym to uc..so basically.. its all a matter of patience, trust, maturity, no expektations till u meet and knw tht u want 2 spend ur life wid him.. jus let things go wid d flow.. and dont see how much he or she gives you.. leave ur ego aside.. probably things myt not end the way u want..but u lived the momment.. andd.. if he or shes not meant for u evn after all this.. dont worry sumthings beter waiting for u out thr.. but b4 u realise this..atlst dont think u shudnt b workin hard behind a long distance relationship… coz u dont wana regret the fact tht u didnot try…I WISH ALL D BEST TO THE OTHER COUPLES.. experience spks..!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/huxainriax Huxain Jada

    i'm in love with a girl who is kinda like on the other side of the world for me, we met on a chatroom few years back, its been nearly 3 years since we started talkin, and rite now we are havin the best time of our relationship except the fact that we are not with each other physically, we have been sendin pics and stuff back and forth, and it does work if we do trust each other and have faith in each other, as for me this is the very first girl in my life who understood the real me, none of the past gfs of mine was like her, she is unique, and for the very first time in our lives we are gonna be together in the next 4 months, every now and then i do call her just to hear her sweet voice which makes me feel so alive, so evryone around here believe me once u get a good person dosen't matter if it was on an adult site or on a chatroom or on a social networking site it dosen't matter, coz somewhere out thre yet far away thre is gonna be someone who was meant for u, so if there is any other person around the same situation as i do wish them my good wishes to the couple from the bottom of my heart, coz i do know if u try u can succeed, this might be difficult and challenging but not impossible so don't give-up, give it a try and work hard to achieve, u can achieve it thats for sure, thanks.

  • Wani_musician

    I might have to leave for study, for 4 years. I don't know the course flow yet so I'm not sure how many times I will be able to fly back home in a year, but still, 4 years is a very long time. But me and my boyfriend really really want to be with each other. He even agreed to support me throughout this 4 years because he knows it has always been my dream to study abroad. but do you think we can make our relationship work by following your tips?

    • http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

      4 years is really a long time, even if you could see each other regularly. You better find a way to be together earlier.

  • Infinity1009

    Eddie, I need help. the almost 30 days NC has gone to drain today. I have been followed this website since the first day I adhered to NC and i was doing good and I found one comment about going to match.com. so I went in to the website and started registering my profile. One side is i was curious how it works and another side that I hoped i could enlarge my social circle by knowing more people from different place. I was hesitant to start it but I know I have to try something new to help to move on but I truly understand I am not looking for a one night, flirting and non serious relationship, i am rather looking from friendship and wonderful people. Unfortunately I met my ex in a cafe and he found out I browsed on the website. He came and throwed me some hurtful words. I felt so sad and I do not know I felt so guilty. He is hurt and telling me how low and cheap I am by contacting people and guys from match.com. I was furious and went off and I decided to come back and explained to him, telling him I still have my value and I dont flirt with people i knew. The mistake was I gave my phone number to a guy that contacting me which I was regret about it, I was confused. I have no intention to hide anything from him, I told him all and my intention was to get know more people. He scolded me and throwed my a lot of hurtful words, I am so hurt and so regret and feel so guilty of hurting him. a month ago, he begged me not to contact him as to respect him. And now he asked me not to let him to see my face wherever I go. We worked in the same company, he said as to show the guilt from me, he wanted me to leave the company, I said I cannot leave the company as I need to raise my family. And so, he begged me to cancel all the meetings where he will be there and when I see him around, I should change my direction – as these will show that I sincerely respect me, He begged me in doing this. I feel so broken Eddie. I spent the whole day to talk to him and beg hom to forgive me , and told him how much I love him. Told him I was on my own and trying ways to get me over him., He said I didnt respect our relationship, just over a month and I was trying to get over him by dating guys from website. i did not. All I want is to know more people from different background. He could not get over it because it is dating website. I feel so lost. What should I do? I failed to control my emotion and I have to promise him to quit one business meeting that I am going to attend next week. I did not cheat on him, moreover he broke up with me over 50 times and I am just finding ways to get over and yes match.com may not be a good idea. Sigh, I am all lost …….broken

  • Infinity1009

    And Eddie, the most hurtful he said was he will make me regret of I did on match.com. He is going to do the same and date girls. He has a lot of admirers waiting for him and he is going to show me how hurt that he is now when I taste it. Since the last broke up a month ago, he sees me like invisible and I already believe that he gets over me but just me that too one sided to think about him and I have been trying very hard to get thru every single day of not contacting him. As of today I knew that it hurts him like hell when he gets to know I keep in touch with guys from match.com, I feel so bad and so regret. I do not know what is coming but I know he will kill me by not wanting to see me or let me know that he is talking to girls that I am sensitive on. I feel so stupid. I am all broken. I deleted my photo from match.com and stop responding on emails from them, I do not why even i did not do anything wrong except given my phone number to the guy I just wrote. Am I too easy and cheap? I am lost

  • Squizzy12001

    I'm seperated from a marriage that came from a long distance relationship, we has been together 6 years, married for 3. We had initially been chatting via messengers and email etc for about 6 months before we met then when we did, about a month after our first date he moved up to be with me and actually moved in with me which now looking back was too much far too soon. Anyway, we've been seperated for a few months now, pretty much after being in a non-marriage for about 12 months (it was almost like 2 friends living together) and I have recently met someone else – again, via a dating site and again, someone who lives about 300 miles away.

    We have only been communicating for about 3 weeks so far but in that time we have swapped emails, text messages and telephone conversations and we both feel like we have connected each other. Sometimes it will just be a text message asking what the other is having for lunch, how their day is going or even a good morning or a good night message but we feel like we can be comfortable and natural with each other and really feel that we are developing a friendship first and foremost.

    We've arranged to meet up at a central point in about two and half weeks and we are both really excited about meeting each other for the first time and having a bit of a fun day out as well.

    We already know we get on like a house on fire and if you can say that you 'fancy' someone from a picture then we both feel the same way.

    This time however, I've asked him if we can take it slowly, enjoy getting together once or twice a month, and just enjoy being with each other when we can, keep up the communication and keep listening to each other but not look too far in the future at this point or at least get too wrapped up in the future. Maybe in a few months we can then discuss where we want to be and where we are headed.

    I'm determined to learn from past mistakes and make sure that, if this is good and as special as we already feel like it is, then we keep talking and listening.

    Whats the worst that could happen? That the spark of attraction we felt on seeing each others pictures doesn't translate into real life. Well we both still have a fun day out and we have found a good friend in each other.

    I'm am quietly positive that regardless of the outcome, I've met someone with whom I've connected on a level that I didn't even have with my husband. That is really saying something. :-)

  • caspergirl

    my boyfriend of almost 6 months has graduated from college and will be moving back home with his parents until he hears back from the Bar exam and about a job. We have discussed to some point what we will do, and though i want to have faith that it will work, it does make me nervous to not see him. especially since he will be then moving probably farther away for a job, and neither of us is ready for the marriage/moving in together stage but both of us would like to continue dating. Not gonna lie, I hope that long distance works…but i dont know yet if it does

    • Squizzy12001

      You can but try caspergirl, who knows? sometimes you just have to look at things as an opportunity and that may help you be more positive as a result. I wish you luck

  • Sonia_lazo

    I have been dating my boyfriend for nine months and now im transferring to another college. We will only be an hour and half away though, and his positive attitude/confidence about the situation make me feel a lot better. The only problem is other people telling me that long distance will never work! I trust my boyfriend so much though we are great together!

    • HardyUSMC

      your statement starts with “other people telling me…” that will continue to be a problem if you let it. Like a private “Hollywood” couple if you want your relationship to continue to be just YOUR relationship, you have to protect it. Do what you want and think is best. Some people aren't capable of this type of commitment and the only opinion that should hold any weight is yours and your boyfriend.

      • Sonia_lazo

        ya i understand that now seeing that i am now in college and me and my boyfriend are having a long distance relationship. And im happy to say it's not hard at all we talk a lot and I see him every weekend!!!! IM VERY HAPPY!! I advise anyone who really cares about someone to go for a long distance relationship!!! and thanks for the feedback HardyUSMC!! :)

  • lisa thomson xx

    i'm only sixteen, but im sure you'd agree it's still possible to fall in love at this age, i met a guy on the internet and i live in scotland and hes from america, he's going to come over here to see me which shows that hes serious about us, but how can i consume my time when i don't see him ? xxx

  • HardyUSMC

    Years ago I meet a rare woman that I connected with like no other and the catch was that she lived a few hundred miles away. Later I ended it for reasons that nothing to do with me wanting to be with her, she was actually too good to be true. You try to convince yourself to think that people like that coming into your life were fluke moments and or “just a thing”, especially when it doesn't turn out the way you want it to.

    Its 7 years later, and we've found each other again in the same lane down life's long road, and I swear it's like time had literally stood still…but here's the catch, we are now a thousand plus miles apart!!! However, there's something to be said when someone tells you that you've stayed in their memory for seven years! Talking about a “missed opportunity”, some of us are fortunate to have experienced this type of connection at all, let alone have a second chance at it again. It seems that the fluke wasn't a fluke, and we have decided to put forth an honest effort to make this work from afar because other than the distance we can't get enough of each other. Besides, after things ended between us I told her that if I ever had another chance, I would not hesitate to pursue it, and it would seem that actions speak louder than words.

  • Silvia_44

    I know this may sound ridiculous to many of you, but i am a 16 year old girl and i have been in a long distance relatioship since i was 14. My boyfriend is 18,he is spanish and lives in Egypt, while i am Italian and live in Frankfurt. This is beacause our fathers both do the same job, they work at the consulates and so are forced quite often to move to different countries to continue their jobs. Me and my boyfriend met in egypt when we went to school together, and i was small when i left, but i just felt i couldn't let it go, i couldn't see myself living without hhim and without US. so this has continued and is still continuing today. Of course, our relationship has been full of complicatinos, but nobody ever said it was easy. Airplane tickets are super expensive, I had to gain a lot of my parents' trust before being let go to travel alone,find a job to save money, an also stay mature and not let other friends' negative opininons influence me too much. you probably think its something stupid and childish, but we both really believe in it, and as this is his last year of school i hope w'll be finally able to meettogether to tudy at university in engalnd. nothing is sure, but we both hope for the best and keep on going on every day. we ar very patient with each other and we tell each other everything and ave fulll trust. we don't hide anything from each other aand we made a deal that we are both free to take our experiences if we wished, becasue we all know that oyu can't judges eomthing if you haven't trid it, we both havent felt the need of going out there and having another relationship, we feel fine about each other, with eaach other.IT's something so strong even though the distanceis soo long and we see each other a few times a year. The truth is that the most comnplicaed thing is the age, something that we are hoping will pass fast! Our parents make evrything so much more complicatesd than it really is, by giving limits to the amount of time we can see each other and so on because we are still part of a family ND MUST STAY WITH IT. mY PARENTS ARE ALSO quite traditional and really value the whole christmas with the family kind of thing and you're only 16 where do you think you're going for a whole month? howeveer, they are understanding and try to make me balance evrything. The thing is this year it's oging to be really complicated. My boyfriend has his last year of school and hasn't got excellent results from his previous IGCSE exams, and so is taking into consideration staying in alex the whole time and not coming to visit till school year is over, bad thing is, his parents want the same! This is what i am finding very difficult, since i have already before expereienced being 6 months without him and never want to go through it again, because we were so frustrated of not seeing each other thAT WE ARGUED FRO ANY STUPID THING AND THAT WAS JUST NOT GOOD FOR US, THE QUESTION I WOULD LIKE TTO ASK EDDIE is, how exactly should i handle this ttopic with my boyfriend, trying to make him understand that he can't stay a whole year studying because it's jut not good for him and that we should come o a compromise and try to see ech other, because my pparents won't let me go mor than once, as there is tis kid of, he comes once and then i go onc sort of thing???Thank you for your help, i'd appreciate it so much,also, would it be better to discuss it by voice or write him a letter to put down clarly the words and not risk interruptions and so on, since the topic is quite delicate, i wouldn't want to make it look like i was telling him how to study?

  • Ednacally08

    Am in long distance relationship,Itz rilly working ma Dude n i love each other so so much …all it needs is communication ,Honesty,faithfull and commitment..

  • Nox

    I've actually been in a long-distance relationship for three years. We met online and have spent sporadic months together, but the few months at a time we get to live together continue to show us how perfect we are together. When I finish my degree next year I'll be moving to the UK to stay with him. The distance is hard, but we trust each other, try to at least say goodnight everyday and remind each other how much we love one another. It's worked for us

  • Catherine

    right now im on a long distance relationship… we meet in fs, fb and chat on ym…were same place here in the phillipines but his working in dubai..we didnt meet yet in person but we have a plan to meet,when his go home here,,its to difficult for 4 us but inspite of difficuties that happen in our relationship coz were far from each other..inspite of all that the love is still there…were been together for almost 2months in our relationship but before were friends 4 olmost 8months..hope its work and last forever in gods will :)

  • Mrcool

    the downside of a long distance relationship is that you don't know what your partner is doing. he/she may be a phone call away but.. who knows if they are cheating ???

  • SK

    I broke up with my long distance boyfriend around 3 months ago and I can say that I will NEVER do long distance again, the only exception being if I was formally committed to that person for a long while before.

    Long distance completely drained my energy and although I used to be a very trusting person, it has turned me crazy! (not irrationally though, my ex used to hide stuff from me that I’d find out about from others). I don’t want to sound negative, but I think most of the time long distance just isn’t worth it, how can you be so sure that you value the relationship as much as your partner does? It’s risky.

  • Teresa-setzer

    I am talking to a man that is in NY. I’m in NC.We just started talking.He said at this time in his life he is willing to relocate. But I can’t But I don’t know nothing much about him. I am sceptic because of scammers and so forth.So tell me ho9w ths could possibly work.

  • Claudia

    I never thought the world.. could be this broad in long-distant relationships. . I felt so much better by reading some of your comment(s)! Down below!… I had been liking one of my schoolmate for 4 years .. and by the time when the love was about to lure in.Then it was the time when he’s about to leave. We didn’t say much to each other..The past years when we were still in the same school.. It only happened a week before he left. (How sweet it was.. through the phone). We both aren’t from the same mother land so.. apparently he’s half way through the universe..(very far from me isn’t it??? and it takes at least 12hours to fly to there). We both are sure to stay together and.. and wait till December 12 2014 (when he’s about 22 and me also) and meet each other in the same city that we both wished to go to when we were just as naive and pure as we should have been.

    Right now, i’m hoping that these past years.. nothing will change between us.. but.. it’s ony been 4 months.. and i’m devasting already.. Its so hard trying to imagine he’s here beside me… I never thought that the distant.. could be a sharp knife slicing each memories out of my mind. I never.. and ever do not want to forget him…

    • priti

      hi claudia…m hvng th same experience as you…school time friends meeting after years getting into a relationship..and that too a long distance one…hmmm its difficult..but believe me if there is true love from both the sides its going to work out anyhow. so believe in it and enjoy it.

  • Angel

    hi pacer,i recently met this amazing guy during a short term course n i knew i had to tell him how i felt for him…well i did..n its been 9mnths we’re still going strong…all i can say is take a chance in love..u nvr know how it will end up but u seriously won’t want to think “what if ….????” tk cr

  • priti

    hi..i really liked your articles on long distance relationships.i was in a long distance relationship but jealousy crept in from my side,however my partner gave me a short break in which i realized my mistake.now we have been together for a few months..and yes we are happy.we are looking forward to marry each other in near future.i would just say that trust trust and trust is the biggest factor that makes a long distance relationship work.

  • JB

    I’ve been in long-distance relatioins for a 2 yearsWe met at facebook and same day we understood that we are soulmates we spend our nights chatting and talking, than was our first meeting, we met in January and it was only February, I was so scared that in life it will be not that magical, or that he wouldn’t like me same in person and all kind of fearsbut it was even better, it was just 3 days – but those were 3 most happy days of my lifethan we got far from each other again next time we could see each other was in April, it was possibility to see each other for 4 hours – and i traveled 48 hours by bus to make it possible – I never thought I would be able to do that for someoneThan my boyfriend came in August and he told me that he can’t live without me anymore and in November he is moving to my country, so we can be togetherNow little bit more about distanceI live in small town in Ukraine and my boyfriend lives in Paris, Ukraine is almost 3rd world country with ruined economic system and corruption at all levels, He speaks perfect english and little bit of russian – but since he moved here – his life turned into a hell – only person he had here – was me, no friends, no family, no opportunities to find a job or just have some time for himself – cause you it’s nothing to do hereAnother thing – documents – you have to have job or be married to stay in country more than 6 months but noone wanted to get french guy – cause there is a lot of paperwork for employer and we can’t marry each other – not cause we didn’t want to – but cause we are gay (yeah one more detail). Same sex marriages are still prohibited here.So after year (it was 3 month than he supposed tocome back to france for another 3 month and than he got 6 months visa to get here) and loosing life (basicly he just stayed at home all time or was helping me with my projects) – we decided that it’s better for him to come back to France.After his coming back he wrote me an e-mail, saying that he thinks it’s prolly better to be unhappy in Ukraine but with me, or be unhappy back home without meSo we decided it’s my turn to move to France, and here it started just to fall apart – same situation – you have to have job or to be married (and in france same sex marriages are not allowed as well) during 2 years I learned french, but my level is still far from good speakingI was trying all possible and impossible things to get there – but my country is really like prison We still spnt all our time online talking and trying to be together, but this February my boyfriend said he is coming for 3 days (he got job in France and didn’t really had days off) – I was so happy…He came to tell me that he can’t live like this anymore, because of all this distance and hurt – his feelings changed and he is not sure we should maintain it further – as we can’t see future together due to all circumstancesActually he did almost all things described in article “Things NOT to do during break up” we even had 2 weeks for him to re-think it all and than broke up on msn – but it was hard for him as well, he was hurt same by bringing it.Now I’m heartbroken and can’t see any future for myself (Maintaining NC for 16 days already and not going to break it – I’m strong)I don’t blame him, and grateful for most happy (yet complicated) 2 years of my life.So my advice about long-distanceYou really need to be sure that at some point you can be together, and same time you can have normal life for yourself – job, friends, do things you enjoy to do feel yourself complete humanYou need to be ready to give up on all your previous life, and start to build new one from scratch NEXT to your love (don’t ever build your life AROUND someone – it’s wrong choice)And also remember – there are no borders for love, but unfortunately, they still exists for people to live wherever they want to.One more thing – I know it hurts now – but if someone asked me if I’m ready to live it again, even knowing it will hurt same at the end – I would go for it without shadow of doubt – this feeling of happiness and true love worth every tear I cried after it was overPlease take care of your love

  • http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

    I’m not sure if you should take Penelope, who actually waited longer than 10 years (and Odysseus cheated on her twice), as a role model. Better not :) .

  • Cupid Lover

    Hi there,

    A guy that I was seeing for 3 months has left to travel for around 6 months. He has been gone for only 3 weeks and I am feeling anxious already.

    He had planed this trip way before I met him and he had no intention of meeting anyone before he went away but then we did meet and connected like neither of us have ever connected with anyone before.

    He believes that if this works out then we know that it is meant to be. He is calling it a test. Why am I finding this so hard? I am thinking about it constantly because I miss him but I am also feeling lonely and worried that I am wasting my time in case it doesn’t work out. I don’t like feeling this way because it taked over my life. I am very sensitive and prone to getting down and worried easily. I like to have the person that I am involved with to ACTUALLY be WITH me.

    I want him to tell me an exact time that he is coming back so that I have something to strive for but I don’t know wether asking questions is the right thing to do while he is gone. He said before he left that this is the last trip that he will ever be doing and that when he somes back there will be no more travelling. So do I just shut up and wait or do I ask him for a date so that there is a “light a the end of the tunnel”? Before he left, everything was left so wishy washy that I am feeling very unstable.

    We have been emailing about once per week and we are both 30 years old. Any advice would be much appreciated.

    Thank you x

  • Lhea Diones Alberto

    i have been in a long distance relationship for 4 months now and i find it difficult to handle..but no matter what, i am happy….i am blessed to have a boyfrnd i have now………distance is a challenge to our relationshp.

  • Nicha Cygnel

    Hi, I thought exactly the same thing after my bad LDR in HS, and then I met my current bf!! 

    We went to the same school in the US (we both are from different countries), and just graduated this June. Just 3-4 months ago, we somehow starting to like each other. He’s 25 and I’m 21. We both knew that we would have to split up and be sad in the end, but we agreed to hang out and enjoy our last few months together. We went from hanging out 1-2 times a week to spending everyday with each other. After a while I realized that I just didn’t wanna break up with him anymore, but he got his own life and would be starting his first job after getting his masters degree, so I didn’t want to tell him to stay with me either. My heart was aching so bad just by thinking about graduation, but I never regretted the decision to go out with him in the first place. One day he just came to my place and started to cry and we didn’t talk much. He left after a while, but after a few days we decided to talk about it and agreed to keep our relationship after graduation. He didn’t want to become a factor that would influence my decisions in life since I was only 21 and I had told him I wanted to go to grad school in EU, and he was also prepared to hear “no” from me when he asked me if I’d agree to have long distance relationship (he knew about my past LDR). We had just became serious about each other before we realized it.

    He introduced me to his parents (who came all the way from Japan to attend his graduation). He went back to his country a few weeks ago and we have no idea when we will see each other again. But we’re really positive about it, and seriously he’s the reason that keeps me optimistic about trying hard to get into grad school and achieving my goals in life. People at our school (even teachers!!) were curious about us after finding out that we were together, haha. I do believe that the world is not too big for us to end up being together eventually. Right now we’re focusing on our own lives, which will probably take a few years (for me at least) before we become responsible and independent enough to make our dreams become reality. We believe that this choice is best in the long run. Hopefully we’ll get to see each other every once in a while between now and the day we can be together. 

  • Koi

    It’s totally worth it. I’ve been through 4 past long-distance relationships, 2 of which were god awful, 1 that was so-so, and 1 that was absolutely lovely. But neither those nor my in-person relationships compare to the guy I’m with now. He lives in Colombia, and I in US; we’ve known eachother for over 2 years and been together officially for almost 9 months now and I’ve never been happier as a person, and as a girlfriend. You just have to wait for the person that is worth it, and who is willing to put as much of him/herself as you do into the relationship (or more!!).

    I say ALMOST always yes- if this doesn’t work out (god forbid) I say, try focusing on yourself and maybe one or more in person relationships to give yourself time to mature and figure things out before trying another long-distance.

  • MrsGomez

    IM CURRENTLY IN A LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP, AND YES I WOULD RECOMMEND IT…. WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 2 YEARS AND HE HAD TO GO SEE ABOUT HIS DAD IN ANOTHER COUNTRY, SOON AFTER WE BECAME A COUPLE. SO, WE HAD TO GET OUR COMMUNICATION AND TRUST ON POINT PRETTY QUICKLY. WE HAD TO FIGURE OUT WHEATHER OR NOT WE WERE WORTH FIGHTING FOR. WE HAD TO LOOK PAST THE OBVIOUS SEPARATION OF SPACE AND TIME, AND SEE IF THIS WAS SOMETHING REAL THAT WOULD LAST. AND TRUE ENOUGH WE HAVE MADE IT WORK, WE ACTUALLY FELL IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER WHILE WE WERE SEPARATED. AND YES, THERE WERE AND STILL ARE THOSE WHO THINK WE’RE CRAZY FOR BEING TOGETHER. NOT TO MENTION THAT THIS IS A MULTI-RACIAL RELATIONSHIP. PEOPLE JUST HAD ALL THESE NEGATIVE REACTIONS. BUT, WE DONT CARE, WE DONT ALLOW OTHERS IN OUR WORLD. WE DONT LET PEOPLE IN OUR BUSINESS, EVER. WHAT WE FOUND IN EACH OTHER IS A LOVE THAT FEW PEOPLE EVER FIND, AND THIS LOVE HAS BEEN TESTED AND TRIED……AND HAS BROUGHT US SO CLOSE TOGETHER, THAT EVEN AIR CANT GET BETWEEN US. AND WE’RE GETTING MARRIED THIS YEAR :-)
    ” WHAT GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER LET NO MAN(or woman) PUT ASSUNDER”. YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE LOVE IS GOING TO FIND YOU, BUT WHEN IT TRUELY DOES, JUST GO WITH IT, RIDE IT OUT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. WE LOVE EACH OTHER AND OUR FAMILIES LOVE EACH OTHER AND THATS ALL THAT MATTERS……AND FOR ANYONE THAT DON’T LIKE IT, DONT COME TO THE PLATINUM WEDDING 8-)….BLESSINGS ALL. MR. & MRS. GOMEZ

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