5 Reasons Why To Go For A Long Distance Relationship
by Eddie Corbano
We have all been in this situation, you meet someone very special, you fall in love, everything is perfect, then suddenly it turns out that this very special someone had to leave far far away for college, better job, expedition, you name it. You then have two choices: breaking up or to go for a long distance relationship.
I am receiving many e-mails after my article how to make a long distance relationship work. People are asking me if they should go for a long distance relation ship or not, will it turn out well, for how long is it ok, and so on. I try to answer every e-mail detailed. But in the majority of cases my respond is usually: Yes, I would always go for it, if you feel it is special, if you have a clear time frame, if you are willing to follow my rules, and last but not least: if you believe in it.
Many of you have had a non-working long distance relationship in your past, so your hopes and self-esteem regarding long distance relationships are not high. For this reason I have decided to list some benefits of a long distance relationship to make your decision easier and to give you some hope as well. You are not alone, there are hundreds of thousands of working long distance relationships around the globe.
I said that I usually always recommend to go for the long distance relationship, however there are a few exceptions.
If the duration of the separation is unusually long and the chance for monthly meetings are extremely low, it is going to become very hard. In that case I recommend to think it over, especially you are very young. I am well aware that it is very difficult to say no to the relationship out of rational reasons, but eventually that would be a better solution. Otherwise it may lead to frustration, anger and pain.
But for now, let’s assume that you have not more than one year or so to go and you know that you can follow the 10 rules.
Here are the top 5 reasons to consider why to go for a long distance relationship:
1. Better sorry than safe
There is nothing sadder than a missed opportunity.
A very wise man once said to me: “I never regret things I’ve done, but I regret many things I have not done”.
You never know how things are before you try them. Every single experience, good or bad, enriches your life in some way. It builds the basement for decisions in the future. They make you wiser and build up your self-esteem. Let alone that in every missed opportunity you may have missed the love of your life.
All the good things in life involve a certain risk, but the biggest risk in life is missing out.
Think about that.
2. You gain time for other things
“Finally I can take the Spanish course”.
A long distance relationship isn’t as time consuming as a regular relationship. You can use the free time to reach your personal or job related goals. You have more time for your career, friends, hobbies and family.
3. It’s the ultimate test of seriousness
“I really mean it baby”. Now you can prove your commitment.
There is no point enduring a long distance relationship if you don’t mean it, if you are not fully committed. It just doesn’t work. After a few weeks/months first girl/boy that comes around you like you will break out.
So, this is a test whether you are committed and suitable for each other for a long term relationship.
Of course, this only applies to couples who were together before they were separated in a long distance relationship. If you’ve met in a chat room it’s the other way around.
4. You learn to treasure these rare moments together
Fact is, you’ll probably see each other only 1-2 times a month, if at all. These rare meetings will be an explosion of passion and love. All the longing will focus into this short meeting.
It’s a good lesson to realize what really matters in a relationship.
5. You really get to know each other
It is much easier and much more natural to get to know somebody through e-mail. All the outside-stuff is left out. It is easier to open up, you learn the inner world of you partner.
No pretending, no beautifying.
This also makes the meetings more intense.
There you have it, some thoughts why to take a chance and go for it.
Please do me two favors.
Tell me your thoughts about this. Have you survived a long distance relationship? So why would you recommend it? I’m looking forward to your comments.
The other thing is, please participate in the following survey, I’m really interested how many of you would go for it again.
(survey closed)
I hope that I gave you some insights which will help you make the decision. Don’t take it too easy, a long distance relationship is very hard, but it could give you so much in the end.
Ask me about it!
Your friend,
Eddie Corbano
(Photograph is from istockphoto / humonia)
My Recommendation For Further Reading:
- The Long-Distance Relationship Survival Guide - Secrets From Successful Couples Who Have Gone The Distance
- Long Distance Relationships: The Complete Guide - Proven Strategies For Building And Maintaining A Successful LDR
5 Must-See Related Posts:
About The Author:
Eddie Corbano is a breakup-coach, relationship-advisor and founder of LovesAGame. He suffered from a devastating break up in 1998. Since then, he dedicated his life to helping others getting the best of this existential experience. The overcoming of a break up is an important step to autonomy and independency. Eddie Corbano developed some new coaching programs, which focus on evolving inner strength and the power to set and reach any personal goal. (Article written on August 11th, 2007)
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60 Responses to “5 Reasons Why To Go For A Long Distance Relationship”
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Recent Comments:
I just went through a breakup yesterday. i know it is for the best but we were together for three years. I just can’t even believe i will never get...
chantelle | February 9, 2010 | more»
I’ve been slowly deleting any and all forms of my communication with my ex and I’m feeling a bit better. trust me it hurt to delete him as my...
anonymous | February 9, 2010 | more»
Thank you everyone for sharing their stories.. I am going through a break up myself we were about 6 months from our 6 year anniversary. In reading these...
bunny | February 9, 2010 | more»
@Kelsey – hi Kelsey…yes of course the offer still stands….i would love to talk to you via e-mail…even though i cant do much to ease ur...
bell29 | February 8, 2010 | more»
thanks! mr. Corbano.. i appreciate it a lot.. it makes us much stronger coz your right.. keep it up! im expecting more advices and tips bout long distance...
regina | February 8, 2010 | more»
I am currently am in a long distance relationship… have been it for 11 months..I live Michigan and he lives in Texas we are both in college on are last year of school. We started on Myspace and after about 3 years of chatting . Eventually he asked me for my number. We started talking everyday on the phone for about 6 months.. not entending for thing to get serious.. we started to catch feeling and chose to meet.. Now I am Love with my boyfriend ..( the only problem is I get so nervouse when it comes to talking about one of use moving, because I know how hard the transition will be for either of use,(most likely me), but at the same time because we don’t talk about it I don’t have the security of knowing the next step in our relationship)
I don’t want to lose him I am truely in love with him and could not see myself without him) it just gets really hard sometimes..
need some advice of bringing up the subject of moving??
Hey,
I broke up with my long distance boyfriend of two years almost 3 weeks ago. He is a Sagittarian, and I am a Cancer. We were dating for a year before he moved. He moved because he offered a much better job opportunity.Although it broke my heart I agreed to let him go out there.
I broke up with him for two reasons. 1. He had so many issues going on in his life, that I didn’t want to be a burden anymore. 2. I felt ignored amongst all of his problems; he was not willing to be affectionate to me anymore.
With our relationship, when things were good, they were amazing. When things were bad, we seemed to fight about everything!
I asked him a week after the break up if we could be friends, as I am obviously still in love with him and I regretted my decision. He said that he would like to be but not now which was understandable.
For a period of time I would hope he would come back to me or at least be friends. On January 1st he contacted me saying that he missed me, and i went ahead thinking that I should pour out my feelings and tell him I still love him and that I regret my decision. He ended up telling me he did not want to get back together, but then he said he didn’t know..then asked what was in it for us. I decided to no longer speak to him.
Three days later, he sent me a text message saying, “I don’t think its right to cut you off the way I wanted to, so we are cool if you want and you can talk to me if you want to.”
My question is, should I attempt to win him back, or should I let him come to me again, or should I simply let it go?
I WOULD LIKE SAY THIS IS VERY HELPFUL BECAUSE ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND HAVE BEEN WITH EACH OTHER FOR EIGHT MONTHS DOING EXATLY WHAT YOU SAID BUT THE FUNNY THING ABOUT IT IS THAT I DOING THE MOVIE DATE, AND E-MAILING LONG BEFORE I READ THE ARTICLE, BUT READING IT NOW LETS ME KNOW WE ARE DOIN SOMETHING RIGHT
Okay, I really REALLY need some advice on this. Im still in highschool and my boyfriend is in the marines. We started talking because of my friend Ryan thats in the marines and I couldn’t be any happier that i have the oppritunity to have such an amazing boyfriend like him, but we dont get to see eachother that much, AT ALL. The only time I see him is when i have breaks at school and I travel down there to see him or when he is able to come see me on leave like for Christmas and 4th of July. I know it’s going to get extremely hard and Im completely commited to this relationship and we both want to do anything to make it work! I have about another year before I can go see him more often and I want to know some tips that could make things a little easier till then, atleast to give us some hope. We have made plans that seems to all work good toogether. I really want to go to college in North Carolina where he’s stationed and he wants to sign up for marines again after his 3 years are up. Everything we talk about is about our future and we want our future together. Please give me some advice that can help u survive this and make our hopes and dreams a reality. Thank you.
Hi Eddie,
My boyfriend and I have been together and going strong now for the past 2 1/2 year. What we have is indefinitely love. I am from MN and moved to San Diego for school and work which is where I met Kyle. We typically spend every day together, he is 24 living at home with his parents while he finishes up school. His family is my family, and vice versa. We really have only had a couple major fights out of the entire 2 1/2 years that we’ve been dating…our most recent has been the worst. He gets overwhelmed with school, and where he’s at in his life as he regrets decisions he’s made in the past…which leads him to a state of confusion to where he sometimes resorts to saying he doesn’t know what he wants…I know he’s in love with me and I with him, and I know he wants to be in a relationship with me it’s just hard to here him say he doesn’t know. I’ve made the decision to move back to MN for a little while to spend time with family as its been hard for me living in CA for the past few years as all I depend on is Kyle which I feel sometimes takes away from him being an individual and spending time with his friends. I am not a controlling person whatsoever I just enjoy my time with him. My move to MN isn’t a permanent living situation I would be more than happy to move back out to CA once he finishes up with school and decides that settling down is what he wants with me…I’m just afraid of the whole distance thing…many make it seem to hard to handle…I know we’ll be able to visit each other every few months as well as holidays…money is not an issue just time off from work. My anxiety and worry is killing me right now…i’m I making the wrong decision to be back home with my family for a while to allow space and room for growth in both our lives…or am I making a huge mistake? Please help! Thank you Eddie!
- Ashley
I find most of the people posting advice here selfish / self centered … how can it be love when you find the part of moving with your partner or ‘transition’ hard. It is always about what you really want and what you put before what … we all have aspirations if its about picking up the next promotion or a slightly better job or going for studies and both of you are ok to live long distance … then whatever you had wasnt good enough to make it work out.