We have all been in this situation – you meet someone very special, you fall in love, everything is perfect. Suddenly, it turns out that this very special someone has to go far, far away for college, a better job, an expedition – you name it.
You then have two choices: breaking up, or to go for a long distance relationship.
I have been receiving many e-mails since posting my article about how to make a long distance relationship work. People have been asking me if they should go for a it or not.
They want to know if it will it turn out well, for how long is it ok, and so on.
I try to answer every e-mail as detailed as possible. But in the majority of cases, my response is usually, “Yes, I would always go for it – if you feel it is special, if you have a clear time frame, if you are willing to follow the rules I've stated, and last but not least, if you believe in it.
Many of you have had a failed LDR in your past, so your hopes and expectations regarding those kind of bonds are not high. For this reason, I have decided to list some benefits of a these kind of relationships to make your decision easier, and to give you some hope as well.
You are not alone.
There are hundreds of thousands of working relationships over a long distance around the globe.
I said that I usually always recommend to go for it, however there are a few exceptions.
If the duration of the separation is unusually long, and the chance for monthly meetings is extremely low, it is going to become very hard.
In that case, I recommend to really think it over, especially if you are very young.
I am well aware that it is very difficult to say no to the relationship because of rational reasons, but eventually that would end up being the best decision. Otherwise, it may lead to frustration, anger and pain.
But for now, let's assume that you have no more than one year or so to go, and you know that you can follow the 10 rules.
Here are the top 5 reasons why you should go for a long distance relationship:
1. Better sorry than safe
There is nothing sadder than a missed opportunity.
A very wise man once said to me, “I never regret things I've done, but I regret many things I have not done”.
You never know how things are going to be before you try them. Every single experience, good or bad, enriches your life in some way. They build the foundation for decisions in the future. They make you wiser and build up your self-esteem.
Not to mention that in every missed opportunity, you may have missed the love of your life.
All the good things in life involve a certain risk, but the biggest risk in life is missing out.
Think about that.
2. You gain time for other things
“Finally I can take the Spanish course”.
A LDR isn't as time consuming as a regular relationship. You can use the free time to reach your personal or job related goals.
You have more time for your career, friends, hobbies and family.
3. It's the ultimate test of seriousness
“I really mean it baby”. Now you can prove your commitment.
There is no point enduring such a difficult challange if you don't mean it, and if you are not fully committed.
It just doesn't work. After a few weeks or months, the first man/woman that comes around that you feel an attraction to will make you forget about your relationship..
So, this is a test on whether or not you are committed and suitable for each other for a long term relationship.
Of course, this only applies to couples who were together before they were separated by distance.
If you've met in a chat room, then it's the other way around.
4. You learn to treasure those rare moments together
Fact is, you'll probably see each other only 1-2 times a month, if that much. These rare meetings will be an explosion of passion and love. All of the longing will focus into this short meeting.
It's a good lesson to understand what really matters in a relationship.
5. You really get to know each other
It is much easier, and actually much more natural to get to know somebody through e-mail. All of the outside stuff is left out. It is easier to open up, and you can learn about the inner world of your partner.
No pretending, no beautifying.
This also makes the meetings more intense.
There you have it, some thoughts as to why you should take a chance and go for it.
Please do me two favors.
Tell me your thoughts about this. Have you survived a love over distance? Why would you recommend it? I'm looking forward to your comments.
The other thing is, please participate in the following survey. I'm really interested to see how many of you would go for it again.
(survey closed)
I hope that I gave you some insights which will help you make the decision. Don't take it too easy, a relationship with miles between you is very hard, but it could give you so much in the end.
Ask me about it!
Your friend,
Eddie Corbano
I’m not sure if you should take Penelope, who actually waited longer than 10 years (and Odysseus cheated on her twice), as a role model. Better not :).
I’ve been in long-distance relatioins for a 2 yearsWe met at facebook and same day we understood that we are soulmates we spend our nights chatting and talking, than was our first meeting, we met in January and it was only February, I was so scared that in life it will be not that magical, or that he wouldn’t like me same in person and all kind of fearsbut it was even better, it was just 3 days – but those were 3 most happy days of my lifethan we got far from each other again next time we could see each other was in April, it was possibility to see each other for 4 hours – and i traveled 48 hours by bus to make it possible – I never thought I would be able to do that for someoneThan my boyfriend came in August and he told me that he can’t live without me anymore and in November he is moving to my country, so we can be togetherNow little bit more about distanceI live in small town in Ukraine and my boyfriend lives in Paris, Ukraine is almost 3rd world country with ruined economic system and corruption at all levels, He speaks perfect english and little bit of russian – but since he moved here – his life turned into a hell – only person he had here – was me, no friends, no family, no opportunities to find a job or just have some time for himself – cause you it’s nothing to do hereAnother thing – documents – you have to have job or be married to stay in country more than 6 months but noone wanted to get french guy – cause there is a lot of paperwork for employer and we can’t marry each other – not cause we didn’t want to – but cause we are gay (yeah one more detail). Same sex marriages are still prohibited here.So after year (it was 3 month than he supposed tocome back to france for another 3 month and than he got 6 months visa to get here) and loosing life (basicly he just stayed at home all time or was helping me with my projects) – we decided that it’s better for him to come back to France.After his coming back he wrote me an e-mail, saying that he thinks it’s prolly better to be unhappy in Ukraine but with me, or be unhappy back home without meSo we decided it’s my turn to move to France, and here it started just to fall apart – same situation – you have to have job or to be married (and in france same sex marriages are not allowed as well) during 2 years I learned french, but my level is still far from good speakingI was trying all possible and impossible things to get there – but my country is really like prison We still spnt all our time online talking and trying to be together, but this February my boyfriend said he is coming for 3 days (he got job in France and didn’t really had days off) – I was so happy…He came to tell me that he can’t live like this anymore, because of all this distance and hurt – his feelings changed and he is not sure we should maintain it further – as we can’t see future together due to all circumstancesActually he did almost all things described in article “Things NOT to do during break up” we even had 2 weeks for him to re-think it all and than broke up on msn – but it was hard for him as well, he was hurt same by bringing it.Now I’m heartbroken and can’t see any future for myself (Maintaining NC for 16 days already and not going to break it – I’m strong)I don’t blame him, and grateful for most happy (yet complicated) 2 years of my life.So my advice about long-distanceYou really need to be sure that at some point you can be together, and same time you can have normal life for yourself – job, friends, do things you enjoy to do feel yourself complete humanYou need to be ready to give up on all your previous life, and start to build new one from scratch NEXT to your love (don’t ever build your life AROUND someone – it’s wrong choice)And also remember – there are no borders for love, but unfortunately, they still exists for people to live wherever they want to.One more thing – I know it hurts now – but if someone asked me if I’m ready to live it again, even knowing it will hurt same at the end – I would go for it without shadow of doubt – this feeling of happiness and true love worth every tear I cried after it was overPlease take care of your love
hi..i really liked your articles on long distance relationships.i was in a long distance relationship but jealousy crept in from my side,however my partner gave me a short break in which i realized my mistake.now we have been together for a few months..and yes we are happy.we are looking forward to marry each other in near future.i would just say that trust trust and trust is the biggest factor that makes a long distance relationship work.
hi pacer,i recently met this amazing guy during a short term course n i knew i had to tell him how i felt for him…well i did..n its been 9mnths we’re still going strong…all i can say is take a chance in love..u nvr know how it will end up but u seriously won’t want to think “what if ….????” tk cr
I never thought the world.. could be this broad in long-distant relationships. . I felt so much better by reading some of your comment(s)! Down below!… I had been liking one of my schoolmate for 4 years .. and by the time when the love was about to lure in.Then it was the time when he’s about to leave. We didn’t say much to each other..The past years when we were still in the same school.. It only happened a week before he left. (How sweet it was.. through the phone). We both aren’t from the same mother land so.. apparently he’s half way through the universe..(very far from me isn’t it??? and it takes at least 12hours to fly to there). We both are sure to stay together and.. and wait till December 12 2014 (when he’s about 22 and me also) and meet each other in the same city that we both wished to go to when we were just as naive and pure as we should have been.
Right now, i’m hoping that these past years.. nothing will change between us.. but.. it’s ony been 4 months.. and i’m devasting already.. Its so hard trying to imagine he’s here beside me… I never thought that the distant.. could be a sharp knife slicing each memories out of my mind. I never.. and ever do not want to forget him…
hi claudia…m hvng th same experience as you…school time friends meeting after years getting into a relationship..and that too a long distance one…hmmm its difficult..but believe me if there is true love from both the sides its going to work out anyhow. so believe in it and enjoy it.
I am talking to a man that is in NY. I’m in NC.We just started talking.He said at this time in his life he is willing to relocate. But I can’t But I don’t know nothing much about him. I am sceptic because of scammers and so forth.So tell me ho9w ths could possibly work.
I broke up with my long distance boyfriend around 3 months ago and I can say that I will NEVER do long distance again, the only exception being if I was formally committed to that person for a long while before.
Long distance completely drained my energy and although I used to be a very trusting person, it has turned me crazy! (not irrationally though, my ex used to hide stuff from me that I’d find out about from others). I don’t want to sound negative, but I think most of the time long distance just isn’t worth it, how can you be so sure that you value the relationship as much as your partner does? It’s risky.
the downside of a long distance relationship is that you don't know what your partner is doing. he/she may be a phone call away but.. who knows if they are cheating ???
right now im on a long distance relationship… we meet in fs, fb and chat on ym…were same place here in the phillipines but his working in dubai..we didnt meet yet in person but we have a plan to meet,when his go home here,,its to difficult for 4 us but inspite of difficuties that happen in our relationship coz were far from each other..inspite of all that the love is still there…were been together for almost 2months in our relationship but before were friends 4 olmost 8months..hope its work and last forever in gods will 🙂
I've actually been in a long-distance relationship for three years. We met online and have spent sporadic months together, but the few months at a time we get to live together continue to show us how perfect we are together. When I finish my degree next year I'll be moving to the UK to stay with him. The distance is hard, but we trust each other, try to at least say goodnight everyday and remind each other how much we love one another. It's worked for us
Am in long distance relationship,Itz rilly working ma Dude n i love each other so so much …all it needs is communication ,Honesty,faithfull and commitment..
I know this may sound ridiculous to many of you, but i am a 16 year old girl and i have been in a long distance relatioship since i was 14. My boyfriend is 18,he is spanish and lives in Egypt, while i am Italian and live in Frankfurt. This is beacause our fathers both do the same job, they work at the consulates and so are forced quite often to move to different countries to continue their jobs. Me and my boyfriend met in egypt when we went to school together, and i was small when i left, but i just felt i couldn't let it go, i couldn't see myself living without hhim and without US. so this has continued and is still continuing today. Of course, our relationship has been full of complicatinos, but nobody ever said it was easy. Airplane tickets are super expensive, I had to gain a lot of my parents' trust before being let go to travel alone,find a job to save money, an also stay mature and not let other friends' negative opininons influence me too much. you probably think its something stupid and childish, but we both really believe in it, and as this is his last year of school i hope w'll be finally able to meettogether to tudy at university in engalnd. nothing is sure, but we both hope for the best and keep on going on every day. we ar very patient with each other and we tell each other everything and ave fulll trust. we don't hide anything from each other aand we made a deal that we are both free to take our experiences if we wished, becasue we all know that oyu can't judges eomthing if you haven't trid it, we both havent felt the need of going out there and having another relationship, we feel fine about each other, with eaach other.IT's something so strong even though the distanceis soo long and we see each other a few times a year. The truth is that the most comnplicaed thing is the age, something that we are hoping will pass fast! Our parents make evrything so much more complicatesd than it really is, by giving limits to the amount of time we can see each other and so on because we are still part of a family ND MUST STAY WITH IT. mY PARENTS ARE ALSO quite traditional and really value the whole christmas with the family kind of thing and you're only 16 where do you think you're going for a whole month? howeveer, they are understanding and try to make me balance evrything. The thing is this year it's oging to be really complicated. My boyfriend has his last year of school and hasn't got excellent results from his previous IGCSE exams, and so is taking into consideration staying in alex the whole time and not coming to visit till school year is over, bad thing is, his parents want the same! This is what i am finding very difficult, since i have already before expereienced being 6 months without him and never want to go through it again, because we were so frustrated of not seeing each other thAT WE ARGUED FRO ANY STUPID THING AND THAT WAS JUST NOT GOOD FOR US, THE QUESTION I WOULD LIKE TTO ASK EDDIE is, how exactly should i handle this ttopic with my boyfriend, trying to make him understand that he can't stay a whole year studying because it's jut not good for him and that we should come o a compromise and try to see ech other, because my pparents won't let me go mor than once, as there is tis kid of, he comes once and then i go onc sort of thing???Thank you for your help, i'd appreciate it so much,also, would it be better to discuss it by voice or write him a letter to put down clarly the words and not risk interruptions and so on, since the topic is quite delicate, i wouldn't want to make it look like i was telling him how to study?
Years ago I meet a rare woman that I connected with like no other and the catch was that she lived a few hundred miles away. Later I ended it for reasons that nothing to do with me wanting to be with her, she was actually too good to be true. You try to convince yourself to think that people like that coming into your life were fluke moments and or “just a thing”, especially when it doesn't turn out the way you want it to.
Its 7 years later, and we've found each other again in the same lane down life's long road, and I swear it's like time had literally stood still…but here's the catch, we are now a thousand plus miles apart!!! However, there's something to be said when someone tells you that you've stayed in their memory for seven years! Talking about a “missed opportunity”, some of us are fortunate to have experienced this type of connection at all, let alone have a second chance at it again. It seems that the fluke wasn't a fluke, and we have decided to put forth an honest effort to make this work from afar because other than the distance we can't get enough of each other. Besides, after things ended between us I told her that if I ever had another chance, I would not hesitate to pursue it, and it would seem that actions speak louder than words.
i'm only sixteen, but im sure you'd agree it's still possible to fall in love at this age, i met a guy on the internet and i live in scotland and hes from america, he's going to come over here to see me which shows that hes serious about us, but how can i consume my time when i don't see him ? xxx
I have been dating my boyfriend for nine months and now im transferring to another college. We will only be an hour and half away though, and his positive attitude/confidence about the situation make me feel a lot better. The only problem is other people telling me that long distance will never work! I trust my boyfriend so much though we are great together!
your statement starts with “other people telling me…” that will continue to be a problem if you let it. Like a private “Hollywood” couple if you want your relationship to continue to be just YOUR relationship, you have to protect it. Do what you want and think is best. Some people aren't capable of this type of commitment and the only opinion that should hold any weight is yours and your boyfriend.
ya i understand that now seeing that i am now in college and me and my boyfriend are having a long distance relationship. And im happy to say it's not hard at all we talk a lot and I see him every weekend!!!! IM VERY HAPPY!! I advise anyone who really cares about someone to go for a long distance relationship!!! and thanks for the feedback HardyUSMC!! 🙂
my boyfriend of almost 6 months has graduated from college and will be moving back home with his parents until he hears back from the Bar exam and about a job. We have discussed to some point what we will do, and though i want to have faith that it will work, it does make me nervous to not see him. especially since he will be then moving probably farther away for a job, and neither of us is ready for the marriage/moving in together stage but both of us would like to continue dating. Not gonna lie, I hope that long distance works…but i dont know yet if it does
You can but try caspergirl, who knows? sometimes you just have to look at things as an opportunity and that may help you be more positive as a result. I wish you luck
I'm seperated from a marriage that came from a long distance relationship, we has been together 6 years, married for 3. We had initially been chatting via messengers and email etc for about 6 months before we met then when we did, about a month after our first date he moved up to be with me and actually moved in with me which now looking back was too much far too soon. Anyway, we've been seperated for a few months now, pretty much after being in a non-marriage for about 12 months (it was almost like 2 friends living together) and I have recently met someone else – again, via a dating site and again, someone who lives about 300 miles away.
We have only been communicating for about 3 weeks so far but in that time we have swapped emails, text messages and telephone conversations and we both feel like we have connected each other. Sometimes it will just be a text message asking what the other is having for lunch, how their day is going or even a good morning or a good night message but we feel like we can be comfortable and natural with each other and really feel that we are developing a friendship first and foremost.
We've arranged to meet up at a central point in about two and half weeks and we are both really excited about meeting each other for the first time and having a bit of a fun day out as well.
We already know we get on like a house on fire and if you can say that you 'fancy' someone from a picture then we both feel the same way.
This time however, I've asked him if we can take it slowly, enjoy getting together once or twice a month, and just enjoy being with each other when we can, keep up the communication and keep listening to each other but not look too far in the future at this point or at least get too wrapped up in the future. Maybe in a few months we can then discuss where we want to be and where we are headed.
I'm determined to learn from past mistakes and make sure that, if this is good and as special as we already feel like it is, then we keep talking and listening.
Whats the worst that could happen? That the spark of attraction we felt on seeing each others pictures doesn't translate into real life. Well we both still have a fun day out and we have found a good friend in each other.
I'm am quietly positive that regardless of the outcome, I've met someone with whom I've connected on a level that I didn't even have with my husband. That is really saying something. 🙂
I might have to leave for study, for 4 years. I don't know the course flow yet so I'm not sure how many times I will be able to fly back home in a year, but still, 4 years is a very long time. But me and my boyfriend really really want to be with each other. He even agreed to support me throughout this 4 years because he knows it has always been my dream to study abroad. but do you think we can make our relationship work by following your tips?
4 years is really a long time, even if you could see each other regularly. You better find a way to be together earlier.
i'm in love with a girl who is kinda like on the other side of the world for me, we met on a chatroom few years back, its been nearly 3 years since we started talkin, and rite now we are havin the best time of our relationship except the fact that we are not with each other physically, we have been sendin pics and stuff back and forth, and it does work if we do trust each other and have faith in each other, as for me this is the very first girl in my life who understood the real me, none of the past gfs of mine was like her, she is unique, and for the very first time in our lives we are gonna be together in the next 4 months, every now and then i do call her just to hear her sweet voice which makes me feel so alive, so evryone around here believe me once u get a good person dosen't matter if it was on an adult site or on a chatroom or on a social networking site it dosen't matter, coz somewhere out thre yet far away thre is gonna be someone who was meant for u, so if there is any other person around the same situation as i do wish them my good wishes to the couple from the bottom of my heart, coz i do know if u try u can succeed, this might be difficult and challenging but not impossible so don't give-up, give it a try and work hard to achieve, u can achieve it thats for sure, thanks.
hey, Actually I am in a long distance relationship ryt now… we both are actually looking forward to meet eac other and are serious abt this relationship… you knw whts the strange thing abt this relationship.. thrs no romance BUT we really like each other.. as in we r really good frnds.. but we knw whr we r gona end into.. a realtionship!!! act his mom and dad quite frequently see me.. they saw me first liked me.. sent me his id..i thot of tryin it lets c.. now.. the thing is we guys strtd tawkin.. n its been 5months now… so basically we donot flirt with each other..bt v have a pretty safe love story…whr we dont expekt alot from each othr.. we tawk wid each other once or twice a week.. since we live miles apart and the time difference cant b coped up neways.. and since his workin hours are prety horrible.. so.. basically ..its like.. we guys hav feelings for each other.. but we cannot express.. coz thrs eveything btween the both of us.. except chemistry… for tht we both feel we need to meet.. thts the onli formality.. well abt the relationship.. one thing i blv every person in such a relationship SHOULD HAVE PATIENCE..and i promise.. if u r serious with it.. u'll b rewarded.. i have been.. i mean.. i m not sayin i hav had no problems.. it was hard very hard initially.. but thn once u get to knw how the opp person stays and his schedule u'll realise slowly.. and thn tht person also strts realisin u need to giv some tym to uc..so basically.. its all a matter of patience, trust, maturity, no expektations till u meet and knw tht u want 2 spend ur life wid him.. jus let things go wid d flow.. and dont see how much he or she gives you.. leave ur ego aside.. probably things myt not end the way u want..but u lived the momment.. andd.. if he or shes not meant for u evn after all this.. dont worry sumthings beter waiting for u out thr.. but b4 u realise this..atlst dont think u shudnt b workin hard behind a long distance relationship… coz u dont wana regret the fact tht u didnot try…I WISH ALL D BEST TO THE OTHER COUPLES.. experience spks..!!!