If this is your first visit here, you may want to take a look around for articles you'll find useful. Please also subscribe to my RSS feed or sign up for email alerts. Thanks for visiting!
We have all been in this situation, you meet someone very special, you fall in love, everything is perfect, then suddenly it turns out that this very special someone had to leave far far away for college, better job, expedition, you name it. You then have two choices: breaking up or to go for a long distance relationship.
I am receiving many e-mails after my article how to make a long distance relationship work. People are asking me if they should go for a long distance relation ship or not, will it turn out well, for how long is it ok, and so on. I try to answer every e-mail detailed. But in the majority of cases my respond is usually: Yes, I would always go for it, if you feel it is special, if you have a clear time frame, if you are willing to follow my rules, and last but not least: if you believe in it.
Many of you have had a non-working long distance relationship in your past, so your hopes and self-esteem regarding long distance relationships are not high. For this reason I have decided to list some benefits of a long distance relationship to make your decision easier and to give you some hope as well. You are not alone, there are hundreds of thousands of working long distance relationships around the globe.
I said that I usually always recommend to go for the long distance relationship, however there are a few exceptions.
If the duration of the separation is unusually long and the chance for monthly meetings are extremely low, it is going to become very hard. In that case I recommend to think it over, especially you are very young. I am well aware that it is very difficult to say no to the relationship out of rational reasons, but eventually that would be a better solution. Otherwise it may lead to frustration, anger and pain.
But for now, let’s assume that you have not more than one year or so to go and you know that you can follow the 10 rules.
Here are the top 5 reasons to consider why to go for a long distance relationship:
1. Better sorry than safe
There is nothing sadder than a missed opportunity.
A very wise man once said to me: “I never regret things I’ve done, but I regret many things I have not done”.
You never know how things are before you try them. Every single experience, good or bad, enriches your life in some way. It builds the basement for decisions in the future. They make you wiser and build up your self-esteem. Let alone that in every missed opportunity you may have missed the love of your life.
All the good things in life involve a certain risk, but the biggest risk in life is missing out.
Think about that.
2. You gain time for other things
“Finally I can take the spanish course”.
A long distance relationship isn’t as time consuming as a regular relationship. You can use the free time to reach your personal or job related goals. You have more time for your career, friends, hobbies and family.
3. It’s the ultimate test of seriousness
“I really mean it baby”. Now you can prove your commitment.
There is no point enduring a long distance relationship if you don’t mean it, if you are not fully committed. It just doesn’t work. After a few weeks/months first girl/boy that comes around you like you will break out.
So, this is a test whether you are committed and suitable for each other for a long term relationship.
Of course, this only applies to couples who were together before they were separated in a long distance relationship. If you’ve met in a chat room it’s the other way around.
4. You learn to treasure these rare moments together
Fact is, you’ll probably see each other only 1-2 times a month, if at all. These rare meetings will be an explosion of passion and love. All the longing will focus into this short meeting.
It’s a good lesson to realize what really matters in a relationship.
5. You really get to know each other
It is much easier and much more natural to get to know somebody through e-mail. All the outside-stuff is left out. It is easier to open up, you learn the inner world of you partner.
No pretending, no beautifying.
This also makes the meetings more intense.
There you have it, some thoughts why to take a chance and go for it.
Please do me two favors.
Tell me your thoughts about this. Have you survived a long distance relationship? So why would you recommend it? I’m looking forward to your comments.
The other thing is, please participate in the following survey, I’m really interested how many of you would go for it again.
I hope that I gave you some insights which will help you make the decision. Don’t take it too easy, a long distance relationship is very hard, but it could give you so much in the end.
Ask me about it!
Your friend,
Eddie Corbano
(Photograph is from istockphoto / humonia)
16 responses so far ↓
1 feelingflirty // Aug 13, 2007 at 7:37 am
A long distance relationship isn’t easy but it’s not impossible. I did it for 2 1/2 years and we’ve now been together for 13. You have to accept that you aren’t together and cherish the moments that you are - through email, chat, video or phone. Flat screen can lead to misunderstandings so don’t be tough on each other.
2 Long Distance Diva // Aug 13, 2007 at 3:02 pm
Yes, you may have more time for other things, but don’t get it twisted- it still takes time. You have to spend time on the phone, writing letters, sending emails, thinking of other things to do to keep the relationship alive, working more (maybe) so you can afford a plane ticket, etc. etc.
I wouldn’t recommend LDR’s as the best thing since sliced bread, I’d just say don’t avoid them simply because of the distance factor.
3 Eddie Corbano // Aug 13, 2007 at 5:54 pm
Thank you for commenting
.
It certainly wasn’t my intend to sing the long distance relationship’s praise, the real thing is much better
.
But I wanted to give something to think about IF you are forced to a LDR (what happens surprisingly often).
4 Leigh Anne // Aug 17, 2007 at 3:59 pm
Hey Eddie,
My LDR is going great, although it has been a very short time so far, we have both made extreme efforts to make it work. However we live in different countries (but only a 5 hour flight) I was wondering if you had some sort of comment on when to bring up the “light at the end of the tunnel.” The relationship has been about three months so far, which makes me feel like it may be too short of a time period to talk about eventually one of us moving to a different country! But as time goes on..I am beginning to feel the need to ask…or why bother spending so much on visiting each other? We talk everyday and a very open with each other, yet this issue is something I would like a second opinion on
Thanks!
5 Eddie Corbano // Aug 20, 2007 at 11:23 am
Hi Leigh Anne,
I don’t think that there is a rule about when to raise the subject of being together
. If what you feel is mutual, then why not talk about it.
6 Savannah // Aug 23, 2007 at 7:50 am
I have been in a 2 year long distance relationship (we live in different continents) with a wonderful man. We only get to see each other every few months, if that, sometimes. I also am a strong believer of never missing a chance and taking risks. My risk has so far proven worth it. I won’t deny that it can be nerve-wrecking at times, especially with the time difference (7 hours) and his busy schedule. But if you feel it’s really worth it then you should always go for it. And it is true, when you see each after a long time, sparks will fly and it’s just amazing. In a way if this relationship works out and survives the long distance and at some point you find yourselves living together, you will have bought this relationship a lot of time and everything will still be kind of new for a while. Although every situation is different, if it’s worth it, you’ll know. But if there is no trust, then get the hell out of it, or you’ll just end up hating each other.
7 Eddie Corbano // Aug 27, 2007 at 6:25 am
Hi Savannah,
Thank you for your wonderful insights. I am sure they will give hope to many readers here.
All the best for you.
8 Sprite // Sep 3, 2007 at 2:16 am
Long distance relationships scare the bejesus out of me. I know that this time next year, I’ll be in one, as my boyfriend is going to university.
For 8 years, no less.
Neither of us will have the free time or money to visit the other, so I’m terrified that it’ll break us up despite us being amazing for each other.
Your long distance articles have given me food for thought, though.
9 Long Distance Relationship Tidbits | Long Distance Diva // Sep 26, 2007 at 5:00 pm
[…] a long distance relationship but you don’t know if it’s worth it? Eddie Corbano has 5 Reasons To Go For a Long Distance Relationship. Tip number 2 is “You gain time for other things”. While it’s true to some degree, […]
10 Guy Chronister // Oct 9, 2007 at 4:03 am
I plan to start one with a girl I really like that I met on eSpinthebottle, She’s the sweetest girl I’ve ever talked to, I live Close to Tyler, TX in Gladewater and She lives in New Castle which is close to Pittsburg, PA
I hope it works out
11 Elisa // Nov 5, 2007 at 8:23 am
I was looking for articles about long distance relationship,especially the fact that I am in one, right now. I have stumbled upon articles and I feel, the article above, poses a deeper insight. It makes one reflect upon his/her current situation, good or bad.
I’ll be honest here. I am 19 (last year in polytechnic education) and met a really good men who is 3 years older than I am, when he came to do his internship in my country. I reside in Singapore and He lives in The Netherlands. He was in Singapore for 4months for his internship with a local company here. He is doing his degree and its his last year.
We met thru mutual colleague, who happen to be a good friend of mine, over dinner. I never thought that I will find myself to be attracted to this person, but I did. We did. It was a very good 3month, and we believe we have found the person we want to be with forever.
Now, to some, they might make a mockery about age and distance of residence, but we persevered. And we still are.
He made me felt like the luckiest and happiest girl in the world and I,he. After he was done with his 3month internship, he made the decision to stay another month, just so that he could be with me. We even went overseas over the weekend for a short holiday, just so that he can get social visit pass at least for the month. He even rented an apartment for a month just to be with Us.
We had tons of fun everyday, there was not a moment to cry,fight or anything. In fact, there was never a moment we fought. It was all good.
The time to say goodbye came and I was a reservoir. Its hard letting someone you’ve fallen in love go, especially one that’s dearest and have known the family also.
We are together and we know, deep down, we are meant to be together. With technology, we contact via msn,skype,email,sms letters, cards and send gifts to each other. Sometimes, the calls and smses can be expensive but we do it cause we care.
We also save up to meet up for Euro trip etc etc. There is not a day that we dont talk. Once we are done with school, we are practically excited like a puppy to talk to each other. Weekends are spend hours infront of the laptop and webcam. Photo’s are taken when I go shopping to ask him for opinions.
In short, we are two person, very much in love, and being with each other, for each other and supporting one another emotionally.
There are times, when it gets hard, and ugly thoughts may crop up, but we will always console and assure each other that this is another test from god and if we persevere, we will make it work.
We are very much in love, and we know this is real. There must be reasons why HE made us meet each other, and only HE knows why.
My boyfriend is doing his Masters now for about 2.5years and I’m about to graduate with a diploma. We are really excited to see each other soon. He might or might not continue his MASTERS, but the point is, we are going to be reunited again and when the time comes, It going to be electrifying. Its going to be fantastic and we are going to carve a successful life together.
Our parents know of both of us and they support us. Its really lovely to know that.
I am glad that I am in a relationship with him. I am even glad that long distance relationship taught me a lot of life values. To all out there, no matter your distance, give it all of you into the relationship, it is a sure-fire that it will work out.
Gotta stay tough and strong. Perseverance.
12 Eddie Corbano // Nov 7, 2007 at 10:55 am
Dear Elisa,
thank you for your wonderful insights on a successful long distance relationship.
Your story is really a pleasure to read and I’m sure that it will give hope to many, who are facing the decision right now.
Thank you for sharing.
I wish you both all the best,
Eddie
13 Elana // Jan 6, 2008 at 1:00 am
I was in an LDR with a wonderful man for 16 months. We talked every night - sometimes for over 2 hours. We saw each other about twice a month. He was the best friend and lover I’ve ever known. I believe he may be my soulmate too. I don’t regret a single moment we spent together. Unfortunately, there was no end in sight to the LD part of the relationship and the separation was becoming unbearably painful. We decided to end it even though we love each other more than ever. Needless to say, we are both in a lot of pain, but I think it was the right decision. At least I’m hoping it was the right decision. As for recommending an LDR - I can say without reservation that this relationship was the most gratifying I’ve ever had. I highly recommend not letting an opportunity go by just because of the distance issue.
14 Eddie Corbano // Jan 17, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Hi Elana,
Thank you for your comment.
I’m sorry that your LDR didn’t work out. But this is a perfect example of how even an unsuccessful LDR can have such a positive impact on our lives and that in every opportunity lies a seed for the ultimate happiness.
Thank you very much and all the best for you,
Eddie
15 Shay // Mar 5, 2008 at 10:27 pm
I have been in a long distant relationship for 9 months. He lives in Atlanta and I live in Memphis. Before meeting him, I had never been in a long distant relationship or even considered it. In the beginning, I just knew it wouldn’t last but the more we talked the more we realized the many things we had in common and we just began to grow closer everyday. I feel like I have never had a relationship this strong before. I trust him and I never listen to any negativity that people may say. When you listen to people who try to discourage you and your relationship it will only harm you and you may end up losing a good thing. I keep faith and I pray everyday for our relationship to continue to grow stronger and to keep us focused on what we want and that is to be together forever. We plan on living together and one day get married. I love him more than anyone I have ever loved. I feel like he is my soul mate and I am very happy that we have been blessed with each other. Therefore, I recommend long distant relationships but remember to be trusting, keep faith, try to be spontaneous and romantic and although you may not be able to see them everyday try to be there for them by listening to their problems and encouraging them!
16 Jasmine // Mar 15, 2008 at 1:55 am
I met my husband over the internet 3 years ago. Unfortunately, we are divorcing. I moved to his state after a year of LDR. It was not an easy transition, but I had enough faith to believe it would be worth it. I was wrong. He turned out to be nothing like the man I fell in love with while we had our LDR. The fun, caring, loving man, turned out to be boring, angry and cold. I am deeply hurt and am trying to keep positive since I know, not all men are like this. I intend on dating again in the future and I look forward to starting over again. Any suggestions on how to avoid another Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Hyde?
Leave a Comment