I receive e-mails every day where people ask me about tips for long distance relationships – how to make the distance a little more bearable, how to maintain the closeness you have established during the time you have been together.
Usually I refer them to my groundbreaking article, which has been translated to 30 languages, printed and sold over 30 million copies
, on how to make a long distance relationship work, along with a little tip.
Now I am about to reveal this very special long distance relationship tip I used myself and which helped me a great deal when I was in that situation myself. I haven’t found this on other sites, so I think I am sort of the inventor of this “technique”.
Lean back and read on, the following tip will help you tighten your long distance relationship bond.
“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”
—Kahlil Gibran
The most important premise in a long distance relationship is trust.
If there is no trust, then sooner or later there will be plenty of problems. Jealousy will occur, there will be efforts to control your partner, which often leads to mutual distrust. The road the relationship will then take is not pleasant. Trust me on this one.
A lack of trust can have different reasons: low self-esteem, bad experiences in your past (experiences in the relationship as well as early childhood experiences), insecurities, a deep belief that you don’t deserve love, etc.
I will cover how you can specifically fight upcoming jealousy another time. For now I want to give a tip how you can minimize the opportunities for jealousy and at the same time keep your connection alive.
Use this additionally to your usual communication:
I recommend that you send each other something I call “daily-reports”. These are emails with photographs enclosed which you have made during the day. Include a short report what you have done this today and the most remarkable experience of the day.
This does not need to be very long, just a small roundup of your day. This should not take you longer than 15 minutes.
If you want to do this more professionally, you could set up a free blog (this is done in minutes), password protect it and write these “daily-reports” into that blog. You could even include some videos.
A blog has the advantage that you can see all entries at once and they are easier to manage than e-mails.
As I have said, I used this technique myself with great success. You will notice that these “daily-reports” are much more intense and have a greater impact on you than phone-calls or chatting.
Try it.
Now, this is great and can only help you maintaining your long distance relationship, but be aware that there are two hidden dangers.
There is no point in this, if one of you doesn’t really fancy doing that. This is supposed to be fun.
Imagine the joy you would feel when you sum up your day for your love. Imagine the great feeling when you’d get the text-massage: “new report online”.
This is dangerous. All advantages would be for nothing at all if this happens.
Talk about it in advance. Agree that it’s no big deal, if someone hasn’t had the time and missed a day. The “daily-reports” should not be a pain in your lower back, but something you’re looking forward to.
Try it for a week and see how it works.
If done correctly this will reestablish trust and bring you closer together. You will play a more active part in your partners life despite the fact that there are miles and miles between you.
Long distance relationships are hard enough, try to make them more bearable.
For that I wish you all the best,
Eddie
(Photograph is from istockphoto / Goldmund)
Eddie Corbano is a breakup-coach, relationship-advisor and founder of LovesAGame. He suffered from a devastating break up in 1998. Since then, he dedicated his life to helping others getting the best of this existential experience. The overcoming of a break up is an important step to autonomy and independency. Eddie Corbano developed some new coaching programs, which focus on evolving inner strength and the power to set and reach any personal goal. (Article written on September 22nd, 2007)
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This is a great idea. I give advice to people in long distance relationships and am always finding myself telling them that even if there is a little bit of distrust, then there will be problems. It is the absolutely necessary to have a successful long distance relationship.
i feel the relaion become stronger when there is distance and make u closer to your partner and if u dont give her a break she wil never feel u absence and your impotance
Hi, allow me to explain, I am staying on campus and have a full time job. And my boyfriend doesn’t have a job yet. We haven’t see each other in few days because he doesnt visit me on campus sometimes. I always sleep over at his place on weekends. I told him if he has a free time then he could visit me. Then he said I will. know what? he never visit me! I feel like he not misses me because he did not say how much he misses me. I like to listen how he feels how we treat each other in positive ways. But, he never.. what do you think? help me..
I recently made the mistake of questioning my husband’s finances and telling him what to do. This has created a distance in our relationhip. He feels as though I am mothering and controling him. I am not usually like this I am only behaving like this because we are in a long distance relationship and I am over excited about him joining me. The anticipation is killing me and I am really hurt because I feel like I am going to lose him. We have been together for 9 months, he has stopped answering my calls and i am making the mistake of calling him when I know I need to step back. I don’t know what to do I really love this man.
This is good advice – but the most important part is making sure that couples don’t stress out if their partner misses a day due to some extenuating circumstances. no one is perfect
With me, I am in a long distance relationship, and my boyfriend doesn’t want to do any of the suggestions that I have read over the months about how to deal with a long distance relationship. I am so lost on what to do…
@Lorreen –
I’m in a very similar situation – and personally, I’d say to try to just be your best and let him be whatever. I know it’s hard and you want them to show more affection than they do – but if he still wants to be in a relationship with you and is sticking with this LDR thing, then he hopefully does want to be with you just like you want to be with him. I’ve noticed that if I poke my bf too much for attention he gives me less – and if I instead just act however I feel like, if I am doing the nice things just because I want to be nice (and not “because I want him to do the same back”) – he generally does show more affection, it just takes that I trust things and don’t freak out and ask for more attention than he is giving.
I do the whole daily report thing with my partner and she loves it, great idea. People, please remember the great opportunities that an LDR can create, especially if you have been in a close relationship for a period of time. It really can be a new lease of life in many ways and can bring happiness to you both.