I receive e-mails every day where people ask me about tips for long distance relationships – how to make the distance a little more bearable, how to maintain the closeness you have established during the time you have been together.
Usually I refer them to my groundbreaking article, which has been translated to 30 languages, printed and sold over 30 million copies 😉 , on how to make a long distance relationship work, along with a little tip.
Now I am about to reveal this very special tip I used myself and which helped me a great deal when I was in that situation myself. I haven't found this on other sites, so I think I am sort of the inventor of this “technique”.
Lean back and read on, the following tip will help you tighten your relationship bond from a distance.
The Main Problem In A Long Distance Love
“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”
—Kahlil Gibran
The most important premise is trust.
If there is no trust, then sooner or later there will be plenty of problems. Jealousy will occur, there will be efforts to control your partner, which often leads to mutual distrust. The road the relationship will then take is not pleasant. Trust me on this one.
A lack of trust can have different reasons: low self-esteem, bad experiences in your past (experiences in the relationship as well as early childhood experiences), insecurities, a deep belief that you don't deserve love, etc.
I will cover how you can specifically fight upcoming jealousy another time. For now I want to give a tip how you can minimize the opportunities for jealousy and at the same time keep your connection alive.
The Daily Reports Technique
Use this additionally to your usual communication:
I recommend that you send each other something I call “daily-reports”.
These are emails with photographs enclosed which you have made during the day. Include a short report what you have done this today and the most remarkable experience of the day.
This does not need to be very long, just a small roundup of your day. This should not take you longer than 15 minutes.
If you want to do this more professionally, you could set up a blog (this is done in minutes), password protect it and write these “daily-reports” into that blog. You could even include some videos.
A blog has the advantage that you can see all entries at once and they are easier to manage than e-mails.
As I have said, I used this technique myself with great success. You will notice that these “daily-reports” are much more intense and have a greater impact on you than phone-calls or chatting.
Try it.
There are two very important requirements for this technique:
Now, this is great and can only help you maintaining your relationship over distance, but be aware that there are two hidden dangers.
1. Both parties have to agree to do this.
There is no point in this, if one of you doesn't really fancy doing that. This is supposed to be fun.
Imagine the joy you would feel when you sum up your day for your love. Imagine the great feeling when you'd get the text-massage: “new report online”.
2. No distrust and fighting if someone missed a day.
This is dangerous. All advantages would be for nothing at all if this happens.
Talk about it in advance. Agree that it's no big deal, if someone hasn't had the time and missed a day. The “daily-reports” should not be a pain in your lower back, but something you're looking forward to.
Try it for a week and see how it works.
If done correctly this will reestablish trust and bring you closer together. You will play a more active part in your partners life despite the fact that there are miles and miles between you.
Maintaining the love over distance is hard enough, try to make it more bearable.
For that I wish you all the best,
Your friend,
Eddie Corbano
long distance relationship? i think i know that it means…between me and the person who took my heart away are almost 4000km…that’s far away ha? i thought so…we started date 1year ago and he worked like crazy to make money and come to see me..but the problem is that he is always saying i will come, have faith but he is delaying so muck time with the book of tickets and the visa things..it’s just i try hard to be on position, to be powerful but i think i’m losing the fight…..we spent hours on internet, slept at 3 in the morning and awakened at 6 , spent money on international calls, spent my time and my trust. now it’s august and he is again fooling me that he come in october and i have to trust him. i put a limit and i said that i want to give me an answer until monday, monday came and he had no answer …since then i did not talk with him ..today it’s the fourth day, he is posting some love things on facebook and i know he is waiting my message..i want not to answer him anymore to see if he has that common sense to send me a message with the answer i want. what to do? i totally love him but i don’t want to accept his fooling things again
wow….we are in the same situation…..and seriously im thinking about giving up on him…
My boyfriend and I met 6 years ago online. After talking for 4 years, we both admitted we were in love with each other. I’m in Iowa and he’s in Ireland.. That’s the hard part. Right now his Internet is down, so I only hear from him a few times a day. We have set an approximate time for me to visit, but as we all know it’s tough being young with parents who worry. I hope that him and I, along with everyone else who is going through this, end up being together, just as we’ve always wanted. I love him more than anything.
i feel you my girlfriend is from poland going there in a few months i live in america
okay, I’m 15 teen & my Boyfriend is 15 also im turning 16 in 1 month He lives in wisconsin & i live in Nevada, Las Vegas. We been together since 14teen 1 year but my dad found out & we couldn’t see each other anymore:( I moved away & then got in touch with him again When this happend i got the most butterflys in my stomach ever! I thought he had a girlfriend. He didn’t date any girls or sleep with any girls since me, Same with me i haven’t sleep with any guys or dated any other guy it just wasn’t the same. Now were back together & happy we are best friends & lovers, I think our realtionship is so strong also is because He lost his virginty to me. He tells me everyday that he is krazy in love with me & would die for me i don’t know what to say when he says this it makes me feel like wow this is my true love. We keep in touch by e-mail, Text, Calling, Sending pics, Playing video games together on the phone:) we try to make it real as possible so it doesn’t feel like were far away. Does anybody think this will last & is he my true love????
right now i am going through a long distance relationship…its very depressing for me not have as much contact with my him….its my very first time at this long distance relationship thing and it scares me to know what is going to come up…..when we started dating we had every possible way to stay in contact but now its hard he has no cell and the only way we stay in contact now is through e-mails…its fustating and plus i sometimes tear up knowing that i cant hear his voice till he solves his problem with his cell and phone….. i need advice please….ooo and we have 3 month dating…he tells me to have faith and mostly trust..and i do..but i need some advice…
My boyfriend is three years older than I and lives three hours away; we try to talk everyday but he's been busy with work; and drama. His friends always hack his name on messengers and even made him a fake facebook; he doesn't use it. but people sabatosh it. I went on his name and his relationship status is with his ex; It's been there for a year; him and I are dating, and it's like I can't trust him; people always tell me he's with his ex; and ever since friday, he's been distant; since his internet is down; but makes no snse, why was his internet down for the past four days; like he isnt making an effort, I don't know what to do.. :/ I hate him being distant from me. I love him, we're suppose to move in together and have been dating for three years and three months the 16th.
So me and this girl have been dating for like 4 months and I went off to college 18 hours away and she is back home… Sadly 3 years younger than me… But I deeply love her… She is scared of officially being in a ldr but we talk consantly and we are basically in one… She recently told me she wants to experiement with girls and thats the reason why she doesnt want to date me… But we are basically dating… She even refers to me as her boyfriend… We are just teenagers yes… But I feel like it is more… She wants me to have fun in college but all I want is to be with her… And I am the jealous type… I am so confused on what I should do… Sometimes i try to fool myself I do not need her… But I always come back to her… We talk about marriage a lot… And we both want to… But I feel her not wanting to be officially dating even though we basically are is making me even more jealous… I am trying to work on that and she deserves someone who is not jealous… She deserves the world… And I want to give her everything… And she feels the same about that… Even though I am 18 and she is 15… Do you think we can work? If not what should I do?
im 15yrs old and a girl. i broke up with my bf two weeks ago caz he thought we should but today he told me why caz we never talk (we have a long-distance relationship) and he has a baby with another girl he didn't think it was fair on me. but, i've known him for a year we dated fer 4months were close for the rest of it and after a year got back together. its very hard but it can work, only if BOTH of you want to try. i love my bf and i just want him and i know he feels the same. i think you should talk to this girl like properly and see how she feels caz of she just wants to be with you like you do then it can work.
hoped i helped. 🙂
Hi, i have been in a relationship for a year with an amazing girl…but recently we had to go our seperate ways, i went to a college not but 60 miles from where she is, but they're making me live on campus, so i cant see her very often at all because of gas prices (mainly), (so i might as well be 200 miles away) and recently, she went to see a long time friend of hers in the hospital…who she still had some unresovled feelings for…and while she was their he grabbed her by the head and kissed her…she tried to pull away but didnt have the words, and apparently she liked the kiss…alot…she asked where our spark had gone, that it was their in the beginning, and it was…it really was, it was like a white hot explosion that made the world spin in your head…but now…theirs nothing…just the feel of lips. We still love each other very dearly, and we still get along pretty well…and ive even forgiven her for what happened…i believe that she didnt mean for it to happen…but we seem to be drifting apart, and that kiss just brought everything to the surface, like the fact that were just flat out bored, and that she doesnt think she can handle the current situation were in…how can i reassure her that we'll be ok, and how do i get that spark back? And how do i get the guilt of that kiss to stop tormenting her for good?
I am engaged with this kind of relationship, sometimes its sad to know that you don't have any choice but to accept the fact that he is far from me. I missed him badly …so miserable every time he is not with me!
i m married..n my husband used to cheat on me…he never spent enough time with me…i went through depression for 4 years i was sucidal…in that time…i had two babies…my hubby is to go out with many girls n never had time for me…all my dreams were shattered n i led a very insecure life….during that period i always thought i will take revenge by dating …after 5yrs i met a guy…never thought we did get serious…but we did..he proposed to me marriage although he knew im married hv kids n older to him by eight years…i was unhappy in my marriage and deeply in love with this guy…so i went n told my hubby i wanna break up i cnt continue in this relationship where he has only given me pain..i forgot to mention ours was a love marriage..i loved him deeply madly but he hurted me over n over again n i started hating him..i didnt wanted to live with him…but things didnt work out the way i wanted n he took me n my kids n moved out of the city away from that guy….he took away my phone laptop every possible contact i could make…initial month were horrible…i could not get over him n my husband started demanding sex…i hated myself …i felt why i was alive…wht life is…thn slowly i contacted this guy again..we spoke over the phone,../n a year later we met…now we r always in touch thru sms calls n he sees me ones a month…it really hurts us both we cnt live together…wht is making me upset is he has a girlfriend its almost two years now…but he still comes by air meets me spend time n leave..he messages me all the time everyday…his possesive about me he loves me..so thn y does he have a girlfriend…wht do i mean to him..how can he have two girls in his life…he always says to his friends n me i got everything in life i just dont have you…even i love him a lot i cnt live without him…but nothing can be done now i cnt leave my kids…we r even planing to have our own child….wht should i do…
i m married..n my husband used to cheat on me…he never spent enough time with me…i went through depression for 4 years i was sucidal…in that time…i had two babies…my hubby is to go out with many girls n never had time for me…all my dreams were shattered n i led a very insecure life….during that period i always thought i will take revenge by dating …after 5yrs i met a guy…never thought we did get serious…but we did..he proposed to me marriage although he knew im married hv kids n older to him by eight years…i was unhappy in my marriage and deeply in love with this guy…so i went n told my hubby i wanna break up i cnt continue in this relationship where he has only given me pain..i forgot to mention ours was a love marriage..i loved him deeply madly but he hurted me over n over again n i started hating him..i didnt wanted to live with him…but things didnt work out the way i wanted n he took me n my kids n moved out of the city away from that guy….he took away my phone laptop every possible contact i could make…initial month were horrible…i could not get over him n my husband started demanding sex…i hated myself …i felt why i was alive…wht life is…thn slowly i contacted this guy again..we spoke over the phone,../n a year later we met…now we r always in touch thru sms calls n he sees me ones a month…it really hurts us both we cnt live together…wht is making me upset is he has a girlfriend its almost two years now…but he still comes by air meets me spend time n leave..he messages me all the time everyday…his possesive about me he loves me..so thn y does he have a girlfriend…wht do i mean to him..how can he have two girls in his life…he always says to his friends n me i got everything in life i just dont have you…even i love him a lot i cnt live without him…but nothing can be done now i cnt leave my kids…we r even planing to have our own child….wht should i do…
hi
@Christina Contreras –
Don’t worry, my friend. Each man has different way to show his heart. As you said, your boy friend now hasn’t got a job so I think he is too busy for finding a job now. Be patient and take an eye on him. Try to sympathy him. It is need to ask him how much he miss and love you and show him how much you need him. That is a good way to remind him to take care of the love.
how shoudl i respond to when my gf talks intimate stuff…i feel shy but what do you guys suggest I do?
this is a year late, but I’ll respond in case any other guys have the same question– don’t be afraid to open up. This is a long distance relationship. You have to dive right in or doubts will start to bubble in your minds. It’s cute that you feel shy, but if the girl is expressing herself intimately and you respond gruffly or avoid what she said, she might worry that you don’t feel strongly enough for her to echo her gesture. If she says she misses you, say you miss her too and include an example of during the day of when you thought about her.
I do the whole daily report thing with my partner and she loves it, great idea. People, please remember the great opportunities that an LDR can create, especially if you have been in a close relationship for a period of time. It really can be a new lease of life in many ways and can bring happiness to you both.
@Lorreen –
I’m in a very similar situation – and personally, I’d say to try to just be your best and let him be whatever. I know it’s hard and you want them to show more affection than they do – but if he still wants to be in a relationship with you and is sticking with this LDR thing, then he hopefully does want to be with you just like you want to be with him. I’ve noticed that if I poke my bf too much for attention he gives me less – and if I instead just act however I feel like, if I am doing the nice things just because I want to be nice (and not “because I want him to do the same back”) – he generally does show more affection, it just takes that I trust things and don’t freak out and ask for more attention than he is giving.
With me, I am in a long distance relationship, and my boyfriend doesn’t want to do any of the suggestions that I have read over the months about how to deal with a long distance relationship. I am so lost on what to do…
This is good advice – but the most important part is making sure that couples don’t stress out if their partner misses a day due to some extenuating circumstances. no one is perfect 🙂
I recently made the mistake of questioning my husband’s finances and telling him what to do. This has created a distance in our relationhip. He feels as though I am mothering and controling him. I am not usually like this I am only behaving like this because we are in a long distance relationship and I am over excited about him joining me. The anticipation is killing me and I am really hurt because I feel like I am going to lose him. We have been together for 9 months, he has stopped answering my calls and i am making the mistake of calling him when I know I need to step back. I don’t know what to do I really love this man.
Hi, allow me to explain, I am staying on campus and have a full time job. And my boyfriend doesn’t have a job yet. We haven’t see each other in few days because he doesnt visit me on campus sometimes. I always sleep over at his place on weekends. I told him if he has a free time then he could visit me. Then he said I will. know what? he never visit me! I feel like he not misses me because he did not say how much he misses me. I like to listen how he feels how we treat each other in positive ways. But, he never.. what do you think? help me..
i feel the relaion become stronger when there is distance and make u closer to your partner and if u dont give her a break she wil never feel u absence and your impotance
This is a great idea. I give advice to people in long distance relationships and am always finding myself telling them that even if there is a little bit of distrust, then there will be problems. It is the absolutely necessary to have a successful long distance relationship.
im going through a long distance relationship right now and honestly it is killing me…after meeting the most amazing girl in middle school i fel in love..we both did. weve been together for 5 months now and two of those months have been lonly i havent seen hur in two months because hur paremts went through a devorce and she was forced to move to texas while i stayed in virginia….wee constantly call every day but its never enough..idk how i can fly and see hur at the age of 14 constantly…what do i do to make us last…we both want it too more than anytyhing..