@Eddie Corbano –

Yeah, I filed today and I feel so disconnected. Went and talked to my mom and actually cried in front of her. Haven’t done that since my childbirth. Everything in my life just changed so drastically. I just do not understand how a person who “changed” so rapidly. While dating, all she wanted was to marry and once we were married, she cheats…
Although I know she is a bad person but she still tries to chat with me to console me. I am ignoring her but never in my life that this battle I am waging is so destructive and painful.
To me, I don’t know who my ex is anymore. She choose to be with a guy who breaks marriages. Both of these characters I feel sorry for them. I know I am above it. Even now, I will stay faithful until the court ends my chapter with her.
I hate to admit but I miss her or I miss the blessings of a marriage. Sigh, I just wish I can forget the last 10yrs cuz it’s all fake. I feel used.

@Kelvin

I’m sorry that your going through this. I wasn’t in my “relationship” as long as you were, but, I think I’ve felt the betrayal that your now feeling (I still feel it). And OUR question is HOW COULD SOMEONE WHO SAYS THEY LOVE US JUST LEAVE OR CHEAT SO QUICKLY (IMMEDIATELY), AS IF WE MEANT NOTHING?…this is going to suck, but, I think that our “partners” were gone LONG before we happened to find out about the demise…its sad, but true. They had weeks (maybe months) to come to terms with leaving or cheating in their mind, we were kinda blindsided by it.

But, I can tell you that not communicating with him has helped me ALOT. The thing about breakups is that they don’t kill you, so, getting over that person is possible and everyday that passes you will get a little piece of yourself back…

Maybe your like me, that its not so bad that that person is gone, it just became so comfortable and its scary to go into the next day, not knowing whats going to happen…but, I’m gonna do it, and I hope you do to.

You seem like a very good person who put your all into someone and loved someone wholeheartedly, you will be able to do that again with someone who can reciprocate.

Good Luck,
Steph

@Kelvin – Kelvin – sorry for your pain, I really know how you feel. Even though me and my significant other were nto married, we might as well have been and everyone knew us as a married couple – he would intro me to others as his wife. We broke up after almost 17 years together. It isnt easy – but its been about 6 weeks now and it does get easier. I could not picture my life without him, but I am now enjoying my “freedom”! I am doing things that he would never do with me & I am making my own happiness – its almost liberating! Right now you cant see that, but you will!! My only advice is not to get into another relationship until you heal. Besides you were with her for a very long time and you were very young – maybe you just need to find yourself!!

@Holly –
@ Stephanie –

Thank you, both of you Stephanie and Holly.

Your kind words meant a lot to me. I know it won’t be easy for me going forward but I will do my best being better than who I am. I am going to recover and love myself again. Once I reach that point, I might open up again.

What is most disappointing that that I don’t have a best friend to talk to anymore. She was my best friend. Don’t have someone to cry or laugh with. I miss that. I rarely am afraid but right now I am scared. Fear gripes me cuz I’ve done all that I can and I couldn’t keep my ex loving me. I couldn’t save a marriage that was built on a foundation of friendship. I am so scared that with all the effort that I’ve put in and it failed, how can I give anymore?

I maybe young but I know what love and marriage requires. It needs effort. My ex-best friend/wife quit on me/us when the going gets tough. I really don’t know what is worst…being abandoned, being alone now, the cheating, being used, she stopped loving me in an instant, etc…

Life in general is hard but abandonment is misery. I believe is karma and as bad as this sounds, I hope that in 10yrs, once her physical beauty and sexuality fades, she will finally feel regret and disappointment that she has bestowed on me. What goes around, comes around. I know, it sounds terrible.

I am a good person. I’ve always put others first because I like people to be happy because it makes me happy. I just wanted to share that with someone. I would like to do that some day.

I have stopped talking to her. Actually, I haven’t seen or talked her in a month. I’ve told her to leave me alone and I’m no longer her best friend. Once in awhile, she tries to chat with me but I fail. I guess I will just have to try harder next time.

Kelvin

Dear Eddie or anyone else who will listen……. I found this site a few days ago like most other people do, by googling breakup recovery. My girlfriend of 3 years started acting different about 5 weeks ago, and things only got worse. I was given all of the signs that I was about to be dumped, except I didnt know it (cuz I hadnt found this site yet). I just thought that we were in a rough patch. Two weeks ago We were in a fight (over me bringing up that something was obviously wrong), and she flipped her lid…. She Tells me shes not going on the Vacation I booked (coincidently that was supposed to start tommorow), and that she would have to take some time to figure out what she wanted. Dumbfounded and in tears I left.

Two days later she comes into my work , hugs me, and tells me she loves me, but doesnt know what she wants. I had a friend getting married last weekend, and she said she still wanted to go. So I asked if we were made up, she said yes, and that was that. The wedding was AWESOME… We had a blast. Had sex before, during (in my SUV), and after! Then she slept over, and the next day we went to 6 Flags with her daughter and my neice and nephew. She had me hold her phone while she went on a ride….. and I had to…. I looked at her texts….. And I found the father of her Daughter (who she claims is a Jerk, and has HATED for the 3 yrs we were together) was texting her all morning. Asking her how the wedding was, whether we fought or had sex, and a few other things that were inappropriate…. She responded to them all playfully, and said we DIDNT sleep together. I waited till we got home and I asked her about it. She told me I was crazy, and that it was over, it would never work. I pleaded and begged, and tried to explain to her what she was giving up…. Of course we all know, that doesnt work, but in our state of shock, we dont really know what else to do. She asked me to leave, and closed and locked the door. That was the last time we spoke.

I had recieved an anonymous email a few weeks back from what I think is a bitter ex gf or something. She claimed that she knew my gf, and all the people involved, and that she was lying to me. That she was confiding in another man, talking about our problems, and what not. Also, this guy she was confiding in was an old “friend” who was trying to get into her pants, so he was saying anything to do so… I didnt believe it, because it was all too far fetched…… I told her that she was crazy, and to leave me alone. Well, tonight I got another email from her. It had an attatchment of messages back and forth between what I thought was my gf, and this guy “friend”. No need to go into detail, but It was obvious that her mind had been made up for a while that she was leaving me, and she was making arrangements to go visit her old friend.

This is the Expedited version of what happened, but in truth, a 3 year relationship has been just completely tossed aside. She seems to be doing just fine, and is having no problems whatsoever…. While Im over here, @ 32, crying my eyes out, not eating, cant sleep, and just a complete emotional disaster. Im having a REALLY hard time with this, because I really thought she was the one- and to find out I wasted 3 prime years on her is very frustrating. I just dont know what Im supposed to do, because I know the no contact rule is important. She doesnt know that I got those emails, and she doesnt know that I KNOW…. I want to foward her the emails, or at least let her know that I KNOW. Im just unsure if that will only make me feel worse. I just love her so much, and I miss her so bad. I dont think Ive ever been hurt by a girl so bad in my life.

Im so sorry jay for what you are going through i hope its ok me commenting i too just found this site and have just been broken up with after a two year relationship he left for the summer and ever since we have been going through a rough time and he has barely spoken to me in the past few weeks and then tonight he just turned his phone off and i guess hes done he never said why or anything and last night we had a good conversation and he said he was going to try harder to make things work and then nothing i dont understand how people can act that way especially after we had been through so much together in those two years…Jay since im in a similar situation i guess there is not much i can tell you but she sounds like with her txting her ex and lying to him about you two sleeping together that she doesnt sound like a good person and from your story it sounds like you didnt do anything wrong and your not crazy you deserve to be with someone who would treat you better and i guess you can learn from your relationship and instead of seeing it as 3yrs wasted look at it as a learning experience and you found out the kind of person you dont want to be with. You could have been with her longer and even made the mistake of getting engaged to her i hope i dont sound rude and maybe im not giving the right advice but i know how hard it is to go through a breakup trust me in the pain right now and im so mad that i never got an answer i dont know if he met someone else or what he just gave up on me. If i were you i would try my hardest not to forward the emails just so you can start your recovery process it would only prolong things and make it worse if you continued contact with her but i dont even know what im saying since i really want to call my ex right now. Try writing her a letter or a letter to yourself about all the questions you have or the anger or resentment you have for what has happened i hope that things get easier for you i know your pain and i wish it wasnt going to take so long to move on from someone but if they really loved us then they would be the ones calling us or trying to win us back.

@ Jay,

I cried when reading your comment,…. I knew it hurts, I’ve moved on since days ago, after reading yours it rekindled my dark past…. 1st rule I always follow, and want all the broken hearted to follow too, take care of yourself, it is important! Jay, you must at least have your proper meals…. You have to sleep, doesn’t matter you cried until you fell asleep or emotional breakdown and faint to sleep, just don’t take any drugs…

By the way, I knew you loved her so much, but facts is, is she loved you that much too? Or she just happened to be making a wrong decision, what made her suddenly confuse about the things she want from both of you? Spent time thinking of that, then OFF!!! NO more thinking, I can’t stress this enough….

About the NO contact rule, i failed it… I still contact her(its my exe) once in a while, and I tell you NO!!!!! I get backfired, felt more disgusted…. My advice, no matter how or what, no contact at least for some times… As you getting those anonymous email, please, for God’s sake, don’t read them, if you trust your loved one, at least ignore them, unless you trust those anonymous guy…

I’ve been told, “She is making her way to her best, finding the best she want, its lucky that she doesn’t lead you for long enough” So i suggest you doing the same, at least I’m doing it now, its okay to fail a relationship, its a lesson to be learnt, I bet you grew a lot throughout these 3 years… I knew its hard for you, cry dude, cry it loud… Love yourself, things will go just fine, if she was into you, she will definitely come back to you, just give it some time, take the opportunity to love yourself in the mean time, say…2-3weeks(No contact, that’s for sure), and I’m positive about you’ll know what to do the next step… Be blessed…

Thanks for the kind words. I am doing all that I can do, and taking one day at a time. I will continue to be here, and Im learning alot from this site…..

Dear Eddie,

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. You are like having a friend I can trust and have a coffee to just talk.

I’ve just saw a picture of my former girlfriend. We went together for 5 year and it was the first time I saw her in almost 7 years. In her Facebook main picture (she just opened an account, and I knew it from the link of a friend from a friend) she was in her wedding dress, with her now husband.

I am somehow devastated: there she was having pursued her happiness with a huge beautiful smile in her face, and here I am, thousands of miles away, alone, in a room full of books and papers, still pursuing my dreams and feeling miserable, lonely, and putting all the guilt on myself and my dreams for not being the man beside her.

Though she broke up with me, and I dated other girls, a part of me never died of loving her. All this time I have felt miserable because we split in part because I was chasing my dreams or reaching my graduate studies abroad and away from her. So, when she left me for a very stupid mistake I made, and I couldn’t go back home to fight for her by quitting my school, I developed a love-hate relationship with my dreams that has extended for many years affecting my life even now… “I love” what I do (teach and learn) and at the same time “I hate” it because I blame myself for having lost the love of my life by being selfish pursuing my dreams.

“Not knowing” is for some of us the best…. that is true. But the world is small, getting smaller each time, so we (the dropped ones) need to develop the strength to face them (the droppers) in the future, somewhere, somehow, unexpectedly.

Finally, Eddie: How could I re-gain love (or stop hating myself) for my dreams? Was I too selfish by keep pursuing them, or it is just that Hollywood’s idea that you need to give up your dreams for pursuing the love of your life?

Thank you, keep your good work coming!

- GOB

My bf of about 6 months recently broke up with me. I have bipolar disorder and it makes my life very hard to deal with alone at times. I stopped taking my medication which was a disaster. I would get irritable and upset with him, start arguments over nothing and just be sad. But as bad as it was, to have someone that you could call at 2am when you cant sleep helps you cope.

The night he broke up with me i was already feeling bad, but after that i attempted suicide. I ended up in the ICU and the Psych ward for almost a week. I didnt contact him during that time. When i got out i told him that i hadnt called because i was in the hospital (didnt say exactly why i was there). But for a while on the phone he was so cold to me.

It just hurts to know that someone doesnt care enough to see how im doing. He said we would see each other “eventually”. I feel like i need him right now, even as a friend. i havent eaten in days and the simplest things are so hard to do. My boss even suggested that i take time off to work on me. but i miss him so much. i just want to call and say, “im better now and i promise to be good. i just need you to care right now.”

My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years just broke up with me (a week ago Tuesday)…and this came as a TOTAL shock….considering we were suppose to move into a three bedroom apt 2 days later.

Monday afternoon we had a mild fight and he decided to go stay at his parents so we could cool off (its hard to give each other space in our one bedroom apt.) Later Monday night I got food poisoning and spent the entire night sicker then a dog….when my bf finally got home the next morning he was so cold and rude to me. As I was laying on the couch crying cause of the way he was treating me while I was sick, he told me he was leaving me. I, like most people, tried begging him to stay with me….when I knew that wasn’t something I would typically do….and he said he would think about it and get back to me the following day. After he left, I contemplated what he had just told me and realized no matter what his decision was….to fix this or not….I couldn’t be with someone who would put me in this much pain without fully thinking though everything. I cant tell you how many times I have thought about throwing in the towel and giving up, but then I would think about how much I did love him and how this was stupid and petty to throw away a relationship without at least attempting to work it out.

The next day he called me saying he would like to make this work….starting with dinner once a week (taken 10 steps back in my opinion)…after listening to him tell me how he talked with his brother, his brothers wife, his mom and dad and that most those people said he should leave me….I had to ask him “what do YOU want?” he then decided to throw in the towel completely. Its just so hard to grasp why he would talk to so many people about “our” relationship and listen to what they were telling him. Its one thing to get advice but another thing to do what other people say….obviously he’s a follower more then a leader. The following day he was at our apartment packing up all his stuff….while our dog sat there looking at him crying (and he wouldn’t even acknowledge her, which broke my heart….that’s was our child, don’t punisher her for our issues)

I still wonder what i did wrong, if i even did anything wrong. He insisted that it wasn’t me…and that he was just sick of responsibilities (i.e. vacuuming, dusting, doing dishes and being broke….things that come with “being an adult”) he wanted to move back home and hang out with his friends…. i know I should realize that I deserve someone more mature then that, but i loved him so much….and really did think he was the one.

i was never the one to talk about “our future” together (i knew we were meant for each other so no need to talk about it)….he was always the one who brought up marrying me and haven a family and buying a house….he even went to the lengths to take me engagement ring shopping and bought the setting (minus the center stone, cause of financial reasons)…i never asked for it or pressured him into it….he more or less played that roll….

i can understand if the move was to much fro him but why wouldn’t he walk to me….why wouldn’t he tell me how he feels? Especially when we discussed this move for well over two months…and we even went shopping for stuff for the place that Sunday (before he broke up with me)…..

im glad i found this site and realize im not the only one suffereing!

To anyone that can help,
My boyfriend of almost 3 years just broke up with me yesterday after his yosemite trip because he said that he found out that he wasn’t happy at all in our relationship and that he had fun but it was happiness. He realized how much happiness he felt just from not being with me or talking with me for a few days.
Throughout our relationship, it was a wild emotion roller coaster for me. I didn’t like him that much in the beginning but i gave him a chance cause he was sweet, caring, and said all the things i wanted to hear. I didn’t have that much of a childhood where I felt cared for so what he gave me, I held very dearly in my heart.
One thing that hurts the most in our relationship was that he lied and flirt with girls (unintentionally, he said) all the time knowing that it’ll hurt me but i always forgave him cause I tend to look more to the good things than the bad. He then told me yesterday that he only lied because he thought my standard was high but i find it hard to believe cause he lied even after I tell him that it’s okay cause I rather hear the truth. Then he told me today that he was chasing another girl at the same time when he went after me and he’s sorry for that. Like that didn’t hurt me more addition to the breakup. Everything just went so fast, just last week, we were hanging out and laughing and having fun but out of nowhere, this happened. I keep finding what I did wrong or how it all happened without me realizing. I just wish he warned me so I know that he’s not happy or something.
I made a really bad mistake by pleading and begging him to give me a chance to change even though I wasn’t sure what I did wrong, probably cause he lost my trust so much, I come off controlling and annoying. But of course, that backfires and made him more pissed off and say that he never wants to talk to me again. I’ve been spending almost 3 years thinking that he’s the one and that I will be staying with my first love and everything. I really want to try the no contact rule but it’s already hurting this much in the beginning and I have no control over myself to stop calling him or trying to get reason or a chance. It really feels like I can’t ever move on, I really thought we’ll stay together and that he was the one. I tried to be strong and just accept it but it’s so hard to do so. I know my situation sounds simple to get over because of stuff he did but I just can’t forget about him, it seems impossible right now.
Please give me advice on how to deal with this. But for the while, I will try the advices this great site offers and the experience of people who found the strength to move on.

@ Heidi

I understand how much it hurts. You will not like to hear this but this is going to be very painful part in your life. I, too, am going through this but I am about 3 months ahead. I can tell you that I am a man of few tears but when my wife left me to “find” herself and got a b/f she cheated with, I cried many tears. It is not going to be easy but each day, little by little, it will get better. I promise you. I am still going through my divorce and each time I see her name, my heart yearns for her but I know deep down, she never cared for me. I learned that I’ve put her on my pedestal and it wasn’t healthy. I have put so much attachment that when she left, my health was in jeopardy.
Take it one day at a time. Friends and family has been very useful. Be productive. Exercise. Write a blog. Just keep busy. It does work for some reason.
Don’t contact him. He is not a man of honor and integrity.
I am trying to love myself and understand myself. You should too.
I am starting to realize the ugliness of my ex and I know you will be fine.

I don’t know if I am a good person to respond but this is how I feel.

Hi there,

Same as all the first time bloggers, I’ve discovered this site through google and I now have numerous printouts on my desk. I’m fed up of crying so I’m trying to piece together a plan of action but I need some advice as I’m in a bit of unique situation and its all my fault.

3 years ago my company moved to another country and they asked 6 of us to help start up our dept in that new office and I was glad to go for the adventure and the life challenge it represented. Within 3 months I realised there wasn’t much of an ex-pat community and I struggled (still do) to learn the local language. In that time I met a few other expats from other depts within the company who’d also moved and quickly 4 or 5 of us formed a tight knit group. We quickly became great friends, would hang otu after work and eventually I started to fall in love with one of the girls.

A year and half later we began dating after a lot of procrastinating and for about a year everything was great. Then I started to notice her switching off so I tried harder and harder to make things work. We’ve had some rough patches since then and last week she finally called it quits and I cannot remember being more devastated.

I knew it was coming but it didn’t lessen the shock, 6 of the break-up reasons on this site were given and I think she delayed the break-up because of guilt – I think I know that, I’m not sure, but its not any easier to know she might have suffered. I want to follow the no contact rule and I think she does but the problem is and to make matters worse our depts have now merged and I see her at least twice a day, my heart breaks each time. Our small group is now about 10 people big and I’m finding excuses not to socialise, they all want to be there for both of us and its causing a strain.

She’s said she wants to be friends and I think that’s also genuine but at the same time she’s displaying all of the traits mentioned elsewhere on this site. She wants me in her life but without the committment that I want. I feel trapped in my life and the only option seems to be to quit my job and move back home. I don’t want to give up my life over this, I don’t want to lose other friends over this but at the same time I’m heartbroken each time I see her.

I’ve taken onboard some of the advice on the site and kept eating when I wasn’t hungry, I’m exercising more, I joined a local football team to try and improve the language and meet more locals…..but then I see her every day and want to shake her, hug her and get some answers and some love

What do I do? Its killing me…

@Kelvin – I must say I read this all the time – and you sound much better today than before (at first)! Hooray for you, I know your still sad but you are healing, I can tell in your written words!!

@ Holly
I do feel that I am getting better. With help from my family, friends, counselor, and websites, I’ve been able to understand my situation. I now KNOW that it was my fault. I put such an importance on my ex and that she is perfect. When she strayed, it broke my beliefs.
I know I am not where I want to be but I feel I going to that direction. My divorce isn’t finalized but it is coming soon. There was a quote in this website. “It wasn’t her that I miss, it was what I thought she was that I miss.” She was not perfect but was perfect for me.
I will move on knowing that she left a good thing behind. I will not understand why she did what she did, but it is no longer my concern.

…I now KNOW that it wasn’t my fault…

Thank you again.

Thanks Eddie I’ll try

@Kelvin –
Thank you for the encouragement but it seems unbearable right now. It’s making me feel more sick than I have in my life, I just wish so hard for the pain to go away or that he’ll realize that he made a mistake and take me back. The nightmares don’t help either, I’m glad that you sound like you’re moving on with your life and start to realize things you overlooked, I just wish I can reach your point soon. The hard part is that I can’t confide in anyone cause I didn’t bother making close friends when I was him and my family didn’t allow me to date him so I had to hide everything. It’s hard to act normal when I feel like crap inside. I guess people were right about how much first love hurts but I didn’t comprehend to the extent of how painful it is till now.

@ Heidi
I completely understand what you are going through. There were a few weeks where I dreamed of my past happy life. I woke up in the middle of the night realizing that past is no longer here. I shed tears. I thought my life was a bad nightmare and I just wanted to wake up. I begged God to take my pain away. In time, the pain eased but memories are there.
I also understand about confiding in someone. My ex was my best friend and she was someone I go to with all my issues. I had no one to voice out my heartache. I had friends and families but I didn’t want to keep re-telling the same old drama. I know how you feel.
If you need to bounce your feelings off, email me.
goliath7@hotmail.com
I will listen…

@Kelvin –
I completely agree with the quote that you said because I finally heard the truth from him today and for some reason, I’m glad that I got to hear the ugly, horrible truth. It helps me kill any hope of wanting to be with him or getting back together. I was just so hung over the thought of him being the one and that no one can replace him at all. He was just perfect for me but after hearing about how I was completely used and made a fool just for his own satisfaction, I’m just so angry and really hurt.
He admitted that he only used me as a rebound from his last relationship and that he was only going after me for shallow reasons and enjoyment. I was just some new girl that he picked out and was planning to dump after a max of one year. The whole entire time, I was giving into the relationship my all and I was serious. But it was all just same type of game to him. He found me to be boring after a short while but kept me around and led me on. He waited so long to tell me the truth and didn’t care how much it’ll hurt. He continues to like other girls on his own while he already has a gf and said that he lied about how he wants to settle down. He’s the one that said it first too, I never force him to talk about the future. He just completely led me on and use me like a fool, he knew my past and how much it’ll hurt me a lot in the end but still went along because he was doing it out of selfish means. He admitted to hiding everything like making a new messenger, new facebook, new everything behind my back and cheat. But thanks to his confession, I can finally bring myself to delete and get rid of everything about him and block him from my phone. Even till the end of the talk, he continue to put salt on my wounds by telling me how wonderful this coworker is and stuff. Now that I think back, he would always defend the OTHER girl and put me down or not care about how hurt I am. I’m glad to be rid of this heartless jerk but he really left a huge wound on me. It hurts really bad still but I can finally see at least the light at the end of this horrible, gloomy tunnel and know that I’ll be better someday eventually.
I gathered the courage to tell my mom and amazingly, she wasn’t mad at me for hiding so I’m glad that I found some comfort in someone. Right now, I just need to get my priorities straight and focus on what I really want and that I don’t need someone that pretends to care and just dump me to the side whenever they want, to make me happy.
I’m so thankful that I came upon this site because it really helps me quickly realize things before I put myself through pure torture for a long time without knowing how to start getting better. I hope that the no contact rule will make me stronger and help me move on quickly.

Its been 2 months now since my fiance split up with me; for the first month I was broken and unable to think of anything except her; then I moved into my new house, got settled, went out a lot with friends and it wasn’t too bad. I’ve just had a week where people weren’t doing much and this week I’m looking after my son and once again she’s all I can think about; I don’t know what happened I was doing ok, but I feel broken again, I dream about her every night, everything reminds me of her and any mention of relationships or sex on tv/in magazines sends me into depression.

I know it’s the wrong thing to do, but all I want is to go out and find a new girlfriend to prove to myself that I’m not a sad loser that no-one could want.

how hard it is, no contact is a really good thing..but extremely difficult when you are living in the same town, going to the same bars and sharing a best friend (with whom you hung out a lot together). the first 3,5 months after the break up was no contact at all, a good thing that i was doing a study abroad in France (mainly the reason things went wrong)…but since im back, we keep running into each other a lot…he has moved, a new girl, a horrible girl. It’s not my business, but I guess i still care. Im doing well and better each day, with ups and downs. I’ve accepted it, and accepted that some things, you will never understand. I also learned that I am a much stronger person than my ex, who is totally uncertain, doesn’t know what he wants and does the opposite thing of what he’s said. I’ve learned that you cannot make a guy more mature (talking about early twenties), and that I shouldn’t want that, since it would never be a balanced relationship. I have learned that I need someone equally as strong as me, to keep up with me, and to complete me. Not only I have to complete someone.

One note of Eddie in the newsletter about ‘When No contact is hardly avoidable’, I experienced myself. : keep contact as low as possible, cause eventually, your ex will try to see if something can ever be fixed, even if it’s just when they are single or lonely. Do not fall for that. A long period, i would’ve fallen for it, but not anymore. I am stronger than that, and came to realize, I deserve much better. I also realized I am so young (19 year old), and have a whole life in front of me to experience new love.

Eddie, you are a genius. Your website is great, your blog’s awesome. You write just the right things, and you write about all the theme’s and subjects I was struggling with. Keep up this good job, I learn from your website everytime, and it really helps me to see, i’m not alone .

S.

Hi Eddie

This relationship has really killed me (not in the literal sense of course) but I really can’t understand why I cannot get back on my feet.

You see, after 3 years my ex and I had broken up and a year and a half later I went back to him, we then thought we sorted all our issues and we ended up buying a house together and thought we resolved it. It went to crap after another year and I was told to leave. The house was under my name too but because I didn’t put any money into the deposit I had no say. But that’s another story too.

At the same time my best friend of 20 years didn’t talk to me anymore. She just left without explaining anything. Mind you I tried to get in contact but she really shut me out.

I’m a really easy going person, I do have many friends but it seems the people that I cared most for just didn’t want me around any more.

So I am going through this even harder than the first time I broke up with my ex. This time it’s just too hard. I’m not feeling sorry for myself, I just think I want to get out of this grieving mood but I can’t seem to shove it aside.

Since we broke up he hasn’t contacted me or I him, and to be honest I really don’t care. Maybe I need to see someone. It’s really killing me this time.

H

Hi Eddie,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend (after postponing it for quite a while). I simply see no future for us together as a couple – because of our lifestyles and goals in life, because of our circumstances (I am just now moving to another city (although not too far away) and for many other reasons. We spent about 9 months together. Even in the beginning, I did not see us going very far together, but circumstances forced me to change my view for a short period of time — I went through some fearful experiences and he happened to be there for me exactly when I needed him. So, all of a sudden, he had become a source of support for me, at a time when my other friends simply weren’t there to give me a hand. In any case, the illusion of falling in love evaporated within the next months and I had even more strongly gone back to the realization that we won’t be together for much longer. I postponed breaking up for a couple of months – a time which now I see as wasted for both of us – because at the time, I could not find the emotional strength and the motivation to leave. I knew it would happen anyways, as I was scheduled to leave the country for a few months. While I was away, we kept somewhat sporadic contact, and I realized – again and again – that I cannot keep him hoping, and so we talked it over the phone and email – cowardly, I know, but I felt I wouldn’t do it otherwise.

I recently came back to pick up my things and see some of my friends in the area, and we met on a few occasions. We had negotiated remaining friends, and he helped me with a few things around resettling. On one occasion, we almost hooked up and I was very upset about it all and was quite depressed for the days that followed. I felt betrayed and I also felt I could not trust him, and I couldn’t trust myself with him, either. Still, the accident did not in any way change my decision for not being together. I only got much more scared I might have to fight for it harder. We talked a lot about it, and he apologized, and said this would never happen again. I didn’t trust him completely and I just said I wanted to take the rest of my things from him and not see him again. Initially, this is what happened, and it felt like a closure. But in the days following, I was reflecting on our past experiences a lot, and had so many questions to ask him – about his perceptions of what was happening between us at the time. I guess I was looking for another excuse for breaking up with him, another thing to tell me this would never work, so that I wouldn’t feel so guilty. The breaking of no-contact broke the spell, more or less, and we ended up going for a bike-ride together, as friends. It felt reassuring to see everything was going well with him, and it was overall a good experience.

The problem is, he constantly reassures me he wants us to be just friends, and I do not believe him 100%. I do think we need some time away from each other with absolute no contact in the meantime, and maybe after, once we are all so beyond it, give friendship a chance, starting from scratch. I am simply not ready for this. But he says he is, and he gets somewhat offended when I tell him I need time for this. What do I do? I can’t promise we can be friends, although I wish I could give it a chance at some point. All I know is that I need no contact for a while. How do I phrase it in a way he would not misunderstand me?

Thank you,

My boyfriend of 3 years just broke up with me. We’ve had some bumps in our relationship that we have had to work out. We have broken up and gotten back together. Both him and I have initiated a break up in the past. It is not healthy but we never last more than a few days apart. This break up is it. The big one. It’s over for him and I can’t accept it. It all started when I brought up marriage a few months ago. I wanted to get married. We have lived together for a year and my son thinks of him as his father. He just told me that he doesn’t see himself ever getting married and that there is no excitement left in our relationship. Last month he had told me that he doesn’t think he’ll ever get married so I was packing up my stuff to leave him. I stayed at a friends house for a week and my boyfriend then had proceeded to begging me to come back and work on things. That he wasn’t ready now but he could possibly be in the future. He would tell me how much he loves me and doesn’t want to be without me. I decided to come back and give it another shot. I love him tremendously and don’t want to be without him however, marriage is something that I ultimately want and don’t see the point in staying with someone who doesn’t want the same things. I just don’t understand how things with him can change so drastically in one month. I have loved him and always loved him and always wanted to get married. Last month he was so determined to work on things but this month he says he isn’t happy and is bored with the relationship. I just don’t get it and I don’t understand. I have made the mistakes of pleading, and crying in front of him. I’m trying to work on that I won’t be doing that anymore. Sometimes it is just hard to control. We still live in the same apartment. I have no family and friends around and I am going to school full time so I can’t move away. I just need some advice on what to do. I don’t know if I can save this relationship but I really want to try.

Ok, it’s been 2.5 months, and I still feel terrible; I want to tell her how much I hate what she’s done to me, how I can never forgive her, and the fact that I still love her is tearing me in two; but I know she wouldn’t care.

How do you stop thinking about someone you love who no longer cares for you? She just goes round and round my head making me feel worse and worse; I can’t concentrate at work, I no longer enjoy the things I used to because everything reminds me of her, if this is what love does then I don’t want it.

I’m nineteen years old and have just become both the dumpee and the dumper. Three days ago my partner of two and a half years got extremely drunk and behaved horribly to me. I told him I couldn’t take it anymore and that we were over. As we lived together I stayed in my room all day avoiding him, but by nighttime I realized even though he was sometimes horrible to me (lying, watching “videos” on the internet and yelling at me) I didnt want to be alone and all the bad things slowly faded and I remembered what a good person he was… I waited until he came home the next day (he stayed out all night drinking with his friends) and I asked him what he wanted to do (expecting him to say he wanted me back, as he had sent me texts the night before saying he loved me) and he said…. Its over for good and I only want to be friends, I dont treat you well and you know it and we have lost our spark. Realising it was over for good KILLED me inside. Both nights I have been awake until 3am and waking up at 7! I cannot eat, cannot think and I have been taking painkillers to try and knock me out. Its SO hard to maintain the no contact rule when he is in the next rooom…. But i cant go back home to my parents as their is no room and I cant get my own place because I cannot afford it… All i want to do is run into his room and BEG him to take me back… I keep seeing this as my fault now… I mistrusted him, i snooped on his emails, i was never positive towards him and I think I became nothing and unhappy. I dont know how to find who I really am and the possibility of dating someone else scares me as I believe my ex is the perfect person for me… But then I remember the bad…
Please help I dont want to be alone.

@Carlia – I completely understand how you feel. My ex was horrible to me and I always said I wanted to break up but when we actually end it for good, it hit me as really big shock and i ended up begging and crying for him to give me another chance. He could care less about all the time we had together (3 years) and was ready to leave me in a second to be with another girl. In the beginning, I keep thinking I was the one that messed up the relationship and that it was all my fault for distrusting him. But it’s been a few weeks after the break up and I finally started thinking with a clear head and realize what a jerk i was with and that he’s not worth all the tears and heartache. You should stop thinking that you’re in the wrong because you’re not, it’s his fault for mistreating you and never giving you back the same love you give him. Living with him is probably bad for your healing process so you should look for another place or maybe stay with a friend or relative for a while. Talking your thoughts and everything out with a friend or someone that will listen will help since it really helped me. I was devastated when we ended but I’m slowing healing and realizing that it probably will be for the best because if I had stay with him, it would only cause me more heartbreaks in the future. You should look at it that way too. Another thing you can do is hang out a lot with friends and deepen other relationship you have with other people cause when I was with my ex, my whole world revolved around him and that caused me to ignored my other relationships with people. I wish you luck and I hope you will realize that you deserve better and move on! =)

I broke up with my gf of 1 year. We started out ok but after 2 months she was pouncing on me if I made even a slight error in judgement. I am only human and I am not stupid or mean but the slightest indication of something other than complete love for her would be taken as a complete shadow over our relationship. I knew this was probably due to an abandonment issue. I suffer from this myself to some degree so I know how easy it is to fixate on something my partner did that was innocuous to them. Her way of dealing with this was to just keep picking at me about it and never really listening to my “side” of things or trying to understand. If anything, what I would say would be used against me, which is frankly typical of this kind of fear. But my reaction to this was also to feel threatened and I would get so frustrated and angry because I felt I was simply not being heard, like she ultimately didn’t care about me, I would flee. And, I would say we are broken up. Dumb. But in the heat of this kind of conflict I would lose my sensibilities. Then of course I’d want to work things out. And I know this erodes the relationship in a serious way. But we eventually figured out the dynamic and were doing ok. Well, except that we really weren’t. We didn’t understand the underlying cause of what was going on with us, which was ironically, I think, very similar (although we reacted differently the net result was the same – we both felt unloved by the other person). I certainly love her and that never went away although it was clouded by all this. And I believe she loves me too. But this flared up again and I had it. I broke up with her. We were just too unhappy with each other despite all the great stuff in our relationship. I broke up with her on vacation when she, i felt, started grilling me again in the same manor. It felt to me like she was just not trying and why do this on a vacation. I didn’t want to talk to her at the hotel because either i would get interrupted and couldn’t get any thing in edge-wise, or she’d take what i say and mutate it to suit her own assumptions/needs to prove i was all the negative things she needed to believe (which were untrue bu the way – i am a very easy going, loving compassionate open person, but i also have insecurities and “buttions” – as an aside, when this first started happening I even explained what was going on with me, what I needed, what my “buttons” were and told her that we’d need to fix this because it would be a deal breaker for me). But no real change. And, on a vacation. So that was it. The next day I took went home. A few days later, after the dust settled, I realized that the break up had to happen. There was no way we could be in a relationship like that and be happy. She was more willing to put up with it I think. But I also realized that if we could address our problems, ideally get some counseling help, we might be able to be happy together. So I think this is a different “case” than typical maybe. Granted we are still “talking” (mostly in email) about this. We are not talking about getting back together but rather taking steps to see what we might want and/or are able to do. After some space we are planning to talk about our feelings and see how we feel about it. I suggested we even have an anger meeting were we can vent our anger at the other person agreeing that we just “take it”. Then later we can discuss if we can or want to work it out. And then we’ld need to figure out what the best way to do that would be> Granted it’s a lot of work and effort and who knows if it will work. But relationships are a lot of work.

The thing about this site, so far from what I have seen, it doesn’t make a distinction between those kinds of break ups that more like a pause and a starting over. Here on this site a break up is one thing – the end of a relationship. Although that may be the case it would be nice if there were some resources for people that break up but do want to start over with a willing and able partner.

But as I said in another post here, if your partner is not interested in working it out, it is then truly over and then you have to move on and this site is a great resource to help with that.

It’s been about 5 months since the no contact rule. I dumped my bf of 5 years.. and decided to do the no contact thing. i stopped replyin to txts or emails.. but he still tries to reach out from time to time and i dont understand why. i’m really hurt about it.. and i feel like smtimes i get these waves of sadness.. or regret and i jst want to call him and tell him i love him. i dont knw what to do. im not sleepin properly at times. at times im jst fine. i dont knw when i’ll b okay completely.

@Sara –
There is a reason for you to dump him. So you shouldn’t feel too sad about it. Keep doing the no contact thing. In time, the pain will ease.
Take care of yourself.

@Sara –
Sara,
I feel for you – the first time I tried breaking up with my (now ex-), it was really hard because I felt bad about it and we remained somewhat in touch (over email and phone, although we were an ocean apart). It didn’t quite work out that way, because neither of us could properly move on. In the end, when we finally met, there was a lot (!) of confusion that needed to be cleared-up so we could finally move on with our lives – separately. And, believe me, the painful experience of remaining in touch or breaking the no-contact rule has costed both of us a lot of unnecessary emotional pressure and unmet expectations. I urge you to keep to no-contact and not indulge in breaking it and talking to him – it will only delay the process of you and him starting on your new lives. Once it has been broken up, it can hardly be put back together and the trust is certainly not there anymore…It is not easy in the beginning, I feel shaky sometimes, too, but it has been a month of no contact for me now and it feels like the rightest thing to do. There will be moments of the sadness you mention, a breakup is an emotional experience and you cannot go through without any amount of pain/regret/or any other negative emotions, anger including. But, believe me, the more time passes, the easier it would get, and the less you will feel tempted to re-connect. Be firm and let him know you do not hesitate in your decision – hesitation will only confuse both of you and prolong the suffering. If he persists, you might find it helpful to consider changing your phone number or blocking any emails from him. To an extent, however, it might be better (although not easier) if you simply do not take any calls and not even read any texts or emails.
Hang in there,

Broken up after 2 months. And I still feel as though I don’t have a purpose in life. Is this normal??

@Kelvin – Thank you very much. I know there was a reason.. but i guess sometimes i mask it and only look at all the good things he’s done. i guess i gotta jst remember all the bad as well!

@stronger – thank you so much for sharing your experience. when i first broke up with my ex, i didnt think no contact was necessary. i thought that we could just easily find our way bak to friendship.. just the way the whole thing started. but then i realized i still had feelings for him.. and he had ALOT of hope. everytime i’d talk to him.. he’d get hope that i still loved him.. and that made it harder for me to move on with my life. finally i decided on the no contact rule.. and it was the most difficult thing ever. i did change my number, i blocked emails.. i did all the necessary things needed for him to just give up.. but i keep worrying about what’s going on with him. like i put myself in his shoes.. how would i feel if he just disappeared on me?! i dont know if that makes any sense.. but it’s jst so hard not having him there.
hopefully this is the right thing to do.

@Sara –

you’re very welcome! i went through a similar experience, where both believed friendship was possible. but the truth is, it isn’t. not until both of you are so beyond the relationship you had. and it seems like this rarely happens, or happens after a loong time.

you shouldn’t allow yourself to worry about your ex once you have made it clear to him that this is the end of the relationship. in the long run, you will see that no contact is actually going to help him move on with his life, too. so, ultimately, this seems to be the best possible solution for both parties.

trust me, i am saying this with the realization that it IS really hard to do it – in my own experience, the failure to observe no contact led to getting back together with my ex several times, something which i very much regretted afterwards, because it was a step back, a step away from recovery, and a giant step away from moving on.

it is hard not to think about what the person is going through, and it is hard to get used to being on your own. but once you have decided that this is the end of the relationship, you just have to move on. this is the best thing you can do for yourself, and for the other person. and believe me, it will get better. just give yourself time. but do not hesitate, this can be so very painful, and truly, not at all helpful.

@stronger –

i understand what you are saying completely! 5 months ago, i would not have believed that anyone was going through what i was going through. the hell of breaking up with someone is unbelieveable. especially since he is my first love.

everything reminds me of him in one way or another. we even have mutual friends. i jst don’t knw how to get rid of that aching feeling inside.

i know that the no contact rule is important.. and that you can’t just bounce bak to being friends after u break up with someone u love… but i guess i do want him around just in case i dont find anyone.. or because i’m lonely…

but how do you know if you’ve done the right thing by breaking up with someone? what if he is the one and i let him go.. and love just passed me by?? i worry about this every passing day. is it normal? even after 5 months?

i understand what you are saying completely! 5 months ago, i would not have believed that anyone was going through what i was going through. the hell of breaking up with someone is unbelieveable. especially since he is my first love.

everything reminds me of him in one way or another. we even have mutual friends. i jst don’t knw how to get rid of that aching feeling inside.

i know that the no contact rule is important.. and that you can’t just bounce bak to being friends after u break up with someone u love… but i guess i do want him around just in case i dont find anyone.. or because i’m lonely…

but how do you know if you’ve done the right thing by breaking up with someone? what if he is the one and i let him go.. and love just passed me by?? i worry about this every passing day. is it normal? even after 5 months?

@stronger –

i understand what you are saying completely! 5 months ago, i would not have believed that anyone was going through what i was going through. the hell of breaking up with someone is unbelieveable. especially since he is my first love.

everything reminds me of him in one way or another. we even have mutual friends. i jst don’t knw how to get rid of that aching feeling inside.

i know that the no contact rule is important.. and that you can’t just bounce bak to being friends after u break up with someone u love… but i guess i do want him around just in case i dont find anyone.. or because i’m lonely…

but how do you know if you’ve done the right thing by breaking up with someone? what if he is the one and i let him go.. and love just passed me by?? i worry about this every passing day. is it normal? even after 5 months?

@Sara –

Sara,

Wanting the person around just in case you don’t find anyone isn’t a good enough reason. And I say that after having been through similar emotions. You have to realize that the fear of being alone is totally not the right attitude – just think about it, how would the other person feel if they learn you just want to be with them out of your fear of being alone? It wouldn’t be fair to them, would it? You have to WANT to be with THAT particular person for this relationship to make sense.

I think everyone takes a different time to get beyond those feelings. So I cannot give you an answer as to whether this is okay or not after 5 months. I think it is all up to the individual situation. If you were in love with the person, it is likely that it takes longer. But you have to work for it. You have to make sure you take care of yourself, that you are doing the things you love to do, and new ones, that will distract you from those feelings. Start up a new hobby, visit a new place if you can, allow yourself to make new friends. You will see how it will get better with time. Just give yourself that time.

I can’t tell you if this was the right decision – I have myself bounced back and forth before coming to the realization that my breakup was the best thing that could have happened within the circumstances. Yes, it is painful, there is no doubt about it. But we tend to prove stronger than we think, and experiences like that show this. You will grow through this experience, and you will learn a lot. But you have to overcome your fears and look for the peace within your own self – nobody else can give you that. You have to learn to love yourself first.

@Chris / @Sara

You left for a reason. Leaving is saying there is no chance. Leaving is saying you don’t want to work on what was wrong. Leaving is saying they are not the one for you.

They wouldn’t want to be kept around just to keep you company, or for you to return to because you haven’t found anyone else.

If they are not the one, stop contact. If you love them, as you say you do, stop contact. But really, if you loved them, you wouldn’t have left.

My ex and i mutally decided to end our 9 year relationship back in August but he didn’t actually move out of our house till 3 weeks ago. We were making each others lives miserable, arguing over the least little things etc and it felt like the right decision at the time.
Even though i know i was still in love with him I felt i was ok with us breaking up as i thought we would both be happier apart. I even helped him look for somewhere else to live (he was moving back down south).
During the last few weeks we still living together i made a real effort to make this easier for all of us, like making his meals, doing his washing, even goings so far as to arranging a day out at the zoo on the last weekend. Looking back now i have no idea what i was thinking! I imagined our last moments together a lot thinking we would be mature, wish each other well, hug, maybe a few tears, sounds so stupid now!

Didn’t quite work out that way though as the second last night he went out with people from work and didn’t stagger in till 4am!
Brought back old feelings of mistrust as he had cheated before(yes i know by then he was single and could do what he wanted) .
I was so angry at him i ignored him for the rest of the time he was here. When it came time to leave he just left without saying anything.

I put a brave face on it and held in all the tears for my daughters sake but i was falling to bits inside.
He sent me a text later to let me know he got to his new place ok and i stupidly replied (not knowing about the no contact rule yet). We started texting a few times a day saying we would like to stay friends and i was ok with that. He told me he would alwyas love me and that he would be there for me no matter what.

I had a 3 week course at work starting 2 days after he left as i thought that would be a good thing to take my mind off everything and it was working as i felt good. Didn’t realise i only felt good as i was unknowingly hoping we would get back together one day.

The texting went on till last weekend when he started ignoring my texts or only replying hours later. I know then instictively that he was seeing someone else. Suddenly i felt so much pain inside at the idea that i could be replaced so easily. I felt that i had wasted 9 years of my life on someone who cared for me so little he could just cast me aside like that. Its devestating.
I am now so angry at him for what he has done to me and at myself for ever believing anything he told me.
I know i will get over him in time and that i deserve a much better person but right now it is all i can do to get out of bed.
Sharing all this has helped a bit though so thanks for this site eddie Good to know that i am not the only one to be feeling like this, well not good but you know what i mean.

It has been 2mnths now since my ex fiance and I broke it off. Its been difficult because the person she cheated on me with is whom she is dating now. I play it off like it doesn’t bother me. I promised her we would always be besties and I would be there for her no matter what! About 2 days ago, she calls me and tells me she misses me so much and she wants to get married! Being naïve, I believed her. I was so excited that she finally realized she wanted to get back 2gether.
I asked her to break it off with that other person and she promised she would. The following day I called her in the morning and no response. Then she turned off her phone. I knew inside she didn’t follow through. I was right, she called me back saying that she might be pregnant! I was so heart broken afte all the promises she made me the day before. I told her to have a good life and hung up the phone. She repeatedly called me back till I answered, apologizing and telling me she really meant everything that was said. She told me that this was just an obstacle we are going through and we will be together at the end.
I’m trying so hard to apply the “no contact” rule. Why am I still subjecting myself to this? Why am I hoping that I will be with her again? I feel like she’s keeping me around just in case her world crumbles. I don’t understand how she went from a well educated man with a career to an immature little boy that has nothing going for him. Eddie, anyone! Help me get over this. Thanks so much for this site!

I’ve only recently mutually ended a short but passionate relationship. We had initially decided to remain friends, but what followed under that arrangement left me in confused despair. She obviously had other methods to relieve her pain, and I was caught somewhat off guard…to say the least.

I submit this letter I wrote in response. I haven’t delivered it and don’t know that I will. I post it here in hope that it may help a few in these most difficult of times.

————————————-

This is a note of healing.

I’ve done a lot of soul searching over the past few days and have come to understand that the “friends after break up” idea, while noble in concept, is undermining my ability to let go and move on.

I have loved you and I had believed that you were with me in at least a few of those moments. The time since our break has only weakened my conviction in that belief. I find it difficult to understand how someone whose heart was in the same place as mine could have possibly moved on so fast. It only seems to confirm the doubts that led to our demise. Of course only you will ever know for certain what lives in your heart, but it doesn’t seem you will be bothered to consider it. I only wish I could get to a place where it no longer matters as quickly as you have and still learn what I should from this.

For me, the shining moments we took aside to look to the future were real, as were the moments I believed we shared as true lovers. As our split will stand in testament to our failures, I wanted those few precious memories to serve as a reminder of our triumphs. I wanted to believe that although we could not be together in body, the genuine love we had briefly shared would always be united in spirit. Now I fear even my simple source of consolation in the form of a shooting star may be lost.

Please know that I would still always like to think of you as a friend. Right now though, I don’t want to know what you are doing or not doing. I don’t need to know how your day went and I certainly don’t need to be reminded that your nights are no longer spent with me. As I share no interest in your immediate future, I don’t need to know what your plans may be. This leaves a conversation with an otherwise very close friend full of awkward gaps and tells, and it doesn’t make for a particularly pleasant lunch break, does it?

The reasons for our split are sound. Both yours and mine. I have no problem accepting our break-up. I just want to concentrate on getting myself together. Someday soon I hope to be in a place where we can talk and laugh as we once did…as best friends.

Truly,
D

Im very confused……I didnt follow the rules of the break up recovery (no contact) My ex and I broke up two months ago, three days later after the break up my ex called for sex. An I gave in following that night it seemed like magically things went back to the way they were. It seemed we were back together all things went back to the way they were. we spent time together, spent the night with each other, called and texted mutually etc.

Then here recently my ex has been responding to everything with but, were not together! I asked him then why do we continue to “act ” like were together then? Recently he has been very “busy” and distant…I think he is seeing someone else… he claims we might get back together but only time will tell. should I BELIEVE him??I feel horrible and used. Its hard to get thru the day everyday. He seems like he has no feelings and is very cold hearted.

@Chris –
I know how you feel chris but believe me enforcing the no contact rule is the single best thing you can do.
Its not easy but anything worth it isn’t.
I started it on Saturday just past and feel so much better. My ex sent me an e-mail yesterday, i read it once then took great pleasure in deleting it without replying. You have no idea the sense of power i felt! Just keep telling youself that you have the power and deserve better. Its true what eddie says “you have to do whats best for you”.
Good luck

@Chris –

Hi Chris,

Actually, I had a friend who had a somewhat similar experience. In his case, his gf continued to see her to-be-ex-husband, and he found it (naturally) not a good idea, although she swore she would get a divorce soon. At that time, I told him the idea (of them being together) did not seem realistic (or healthy!) at all. But he felt very emotionally attached to her and was very willing to give her a number of second chances… to no avail, because she broke up with him on the grounds of wanting to have sex with other people. It just sounded so absurd I couldn’t believe it.

Anyway, what I am saying is, would you trust a person who cheated on you and is now dating that same person?? I know you wish to be hopeful, but don’t see how you could possibly be – not in the situation you’re having. She might continue trying to trick yo back into a relationship but it won’t be real because it won’t be guided by her sincere desire to be with you because of you – as opposed to because of some other, much more selfish reason. Bottom line is, you do deserve something way better. Give yourself the chance and let go of this. Be strong!