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The inevitable question that always rises in your mind sooner or later when you suffer from a break-up is: Am I the only one? And is my pain the most intense? To not keep you in suspense, the answer of course is no, you are not alone.

You will find them all around you: in forums over the Internet, at your working place, among your friends and neighbors. Some are grieving quietly without letting you notice anything at all. Especially men don’t allow themselves to grief, because they think that it’s a sign of weakness, they even take drugs or alcohol only to not have to deal with it. Others on the other hand are crying it all out. Everybody has his unique way to deal with it.

But what I asked myself over and over again back then was: why are some obviously dealing better with a break-up than others? Why were some getting over it and starting a new life in a month, while others grieve and suffer for several years, or may even never be the same again? What is their secret?

The answer is simple: they were prepared. It’s as simple as that. They haven’t read a secret ancient stone panel or drank a druid elixir and instantly forgot about their exes. They just developed special attributes due to certain circumstances, that helped them to cope with it faster then others.

What are these circumstances?

1. The character of the relationship to your ex-partner

I’m not talking about the emotional deepness of the relationship here. I mean the importance you’ve imparted to your ex-partner in your life. Have you spend all your free time together? Was your ex also an “attachment figure” for you? Have you thought that your ex was essential for your happiness?

Having lived a self-contained life without shutting the partner out is one of the major conditions to quickly find your way after a separation.

2. The expectations you had in your relationship

Have you had all your love life planned in advance? You saw the small house with the white fences and the children playing in front of it? Well that’s ok. It’s a fine vision. But pay attention, that this would be your goal, not your expectation. Know the difference: the expectation is passive, the goal is active. Alway be active! And beware: there is nothing certain in a relationship. If you realize that while you’re still together, you take away a lot of potential tension. If nothing else, you save yourself from being disappointed in case your dreams shatter.
Have goals together, but no expectations!

!!! Break-Up Victims! Please Help Me Out! !!!