Comments on: Are You Caught In The Relationship Trap? http://lovesagame.com/are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap Learn how to survive a break up, rediscover your true self and find Mr/s Right Thu, 17 May 2012 03:09:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: Kathryn Braithwaite http://lovesagame.com/are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap/comment-page-1/#comment-17910 Kathryn Braithwaite Sun, 21 Aug 2011 19:43:00 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap/#comment-17910 I think your stuff is very good I think your stuff is very good

]]> By: Kathryn Braithwaite http://lovesagame.com/are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap/comment-page-1/#comment-17909 Kathryn Braithwaite Sun, 21 Aug 2011 19:42:00 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap/#comment-17909 Very good Very good

]]> By: KA http://lovesagame.com/are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap/comment-page-1/#comment-13618 KA Sat, 19 Mar 2011 19:52:00 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap/#comment-13618 Hi everyone, Thanks, Eddie, for this article, it is really eye-opening. I wonder how these needs and wishes are re-negotiated once they change. I started a relationship, in fact a friendship grew into a relationship a few months after my ex broke up with me (very ungracefully in fact). Because my recently ended relationship had been suffocating me with my ex-partner's plans for "our" future, and with daily doses of tension, lack of trust and arguing over the phone (relationship was long-distance), I was only happy to get into a relationship in which we enjoyed each other's company every day, had known each other as friends for 3 months earlier, and had had the chance to interact enough as to know we are on the same page on many issues. The most important part for me was that we lived in the present and did not think about the future. It was heaven on earth. Now that we've been together for 2 months already, I feel that my needs in the relationship have changed. While I was not ready for a more serious commitment 2 months ago, now it seems impossible to me to not at least talk about it. However, I fear that my partner would not understand and this would drive him away - after all, what sense does it make to make any long-term plans after 2 months of being together? A few days ago he asked me how far I see this [relationship] going. I could only say that I didn't know - if I said I didn't see it going far, he would feel used; if I said I saw it going far, he would feel trapped and run away. We talked about it a bit more the day after and I expressed the wish to enjoy the present moment and not make plans for the future yet, only because all my relationships so far had fallen apart under talks about the distant future. It was at this point that when I asked him about his view on it, he said that "our lifestyles will eventually collide" down the road. Although our plans somewhat diverge, I find it unfair to have a relationship without it being open-ended. Suddenly, this makes me feel used - if we are not going to give us a chance then why are we together? Just enjoying each other's company no longer seems enough to sustain the relationship. How do I express those newly developed needs in a way that does not make my partner feel that our initially set mutual expectations have been betrayed? Thanks Hi everyone,
Thanks, Eddie, for this article, it is really eye-opening. I wonder how these needs and wishes are re-negotiated once they change. I started a relationship, in fact a friendship grew into a relationship a few months after my ex broke up with me (very ungracefully in fact). Because my recently ended relationship had been suffocating me with my ex-partner’s plans for “our” future, and with daily doses of tension, lack of trust and arguing over the phone (relationship was long-distance), I was only happy to get into a relationship in which we enjoyed each other’s company every day, had known each other as friends for 3 months earlier, and had had the chance to interact enough as to know we are on the same page on many issues. The most important part for me was that we lived in the present and did not think about the future. It was heaven on earth. Now that we’ve been together for 2 months already, I feel that my needs in the relationship have changed. While I was not ready for a more serious commitment 2 months ago, now it seems impossible to me to not at least talk about it. However, I fear that my partner would not understand and this would drive him away – after all, what sense does it make to make any long-term plans after 2 months of being together? A few days ago he asked me how far I see this [relationship] going. I could only say that I didn’t know – if I said I didn’t see it going far, he would feel used; if I said I saw it going far, he would feel trapped and run away. We talked about it a bit more the day after and I expressed the wish to enjoy the present moment and not make plans for the future yet, only because all my relationships so far had fallen apart under talks about the distant future. It was at this point that when I asked him about his view on it, he said that “our lifestyles will eventually collide” down the road. Although our plans somewhat diverge, I find it unfair to have a relationship without it being open-ended. Suddenly, this makes me feel used – if we are not going to give us a chance then why are we together? Just enjoying each other’s company no longer seems enough to sustain the relationship. How do I express those newly developed needs in a way that does not make my partner feel that our initially set mutual expectations have been betrayed?
Thanks

]]> By: Netta http://lovesagame.com/are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap/comment-page-1/#comment-7212 Netta Wed, 28 Apr 2010 16:37:16 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap/#comment-7212 I am in a trap but about to break loose. Been with this guy for over 10 years. Things were good for a long time. Lately just been putting up with him. I tried to break up at Christmas. He asked me if I wanted out of this relationship, I chickened out and said no. Even today I still don't know I am afraid of being without him. I plan to step out on faith and do this for me. How do people who have been married or in a relationship for so long get out without regret? How do they move forward? There is no one else in the wings but I look forward to the possibilities of wanting a equally yoked relationship. I am in a trap but about to break loose. Been with this guy for over 10 years. Things were good for a long time. Lately just been putting up with him. I tried to break up at Christmas. He asked me if I wanted out of this relationship, I chickened out and said no. Even today I still don’t know I am afraid of being without him. I plan to step out on faith and do this for me. How do people who have been married or in a relationship for so long get out without regret? How do they move forward? There is no one else in the wings but I look forward to the possibilities of wanting a equally yoked relationship.

]]> By: Autumn http://lovesagame.com/are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap/comment-page-1/#comment-7109 Autumn Thu, 22 Apr 2010 03:47:12 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap/#comment-7109 Well, here is the problem I face. I've been with *him* for nearly three years. Things were great at the beginning. I was happy. We have talked about marriage, and he proposed, but things have been getting steadily worse. We live together and I'm not sure what to do. I can't go back to school like I want because he's afraid I might meet someone else. I'm young (23) and he is (28). He is jealous of any guy friend I have, and I'm not sure how to get out of it. Yes, I love him, but I also know that I won't go any where. I have dreams, and I want to accomplish them, but can't with him at my side. I've tried leaving before, and it resulted in holes in the ceiling, and my things thrown across the house. He has an anger issue. How do I get out? Well, here is the problem I face. I’ve been with *him* for nearly three years. Things were great at the beginning. I was happy. We have talked about marriage, and he proposed, but things have been getting steadily worse. We live together and I’m not sure what to do. I can’t go back to school like I want because he’s afraid I might meet someone else. I’m young (23) and he is (28). He is jealous of any guy friend I have, and I’m not sure how to get out of it. Yes, I love him, but I also know that I won’t go any where. I have dreams, and I want to accomplish them, but can’t with him at my side. I’ve tried leaving before, and it resulted in holes in the ceiling, and my things thrown across the house. He has an anger issue. How do I get out?

]]> By: Ann http://lovesagame.com/are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap/comment-page-1/#comment-5468 Ann Fri, 23 Oct 2009 22:01:04 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap/#comment-5468 I have been involved with a man for 4 years. It has been a roller-coaster, constantly breaking up and making up. I don't feel fulfilled in the relationship; sexual or emotionally. Even though we are together I still feel alone. He's not there for me, I barely see him. We hardly go out. Majority of the times that we see each other, he comes to my house and he spends a few hours and then leaves. I am usually the one does the breaking up because I feel so un-satisfied. After a couple of days he'll start calling or messaging me wanting to why am I doing this, and telling me how much he misses me whenever I am not around. I have told him about how I feel and what I want, but he usually just does enough to get me back in his life and then after he feels like has me, so to speak, it back to the same thing. He has hurt me alot, and whenever I feel like he is not giving me what I need, I tend to pull away, or get defensive. He doesn't really talk to me about his life, I feel like I have my life and he has his. I constantly ask myself, why am I still involved with him. I have been involved with a man for 4 years. It has been a roller-coaster, constantly breaking up and making up. I don’t feel fulfilled in the relationship; sexual or emotionally. Even though we are together I still feel alone. He’s not there for me, I barely see him. We hardly go out. Majority of the times that we see each other, he comes to my house and he spends a few hours and then leaves. I am usually the one does the breaking up because I feel so un-satisfied. After a couple of days he’ll start calling or messaging me wanting to why am I doing this, and telling me how much he misses me whenever I am not around. I have told him about how I feel and what I want, but he usually just does enough to get me back in his life and then after he feels like has me, so to speak, it back to the same thing. He has hurt me alot, and whenever I feel like he is not giving me what I need, I tend to pull away, or get defensive. He doesn’t really talk to me about his life, I feel like I have my life and he has his. I constantly ask myself, why am I still involved with him.

]]> By: Tim http://lovesagame.com/are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap/comment-page-1/#comment-4813 Tim Tue, 23 Jun 2009 19:36:16 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap/#comment-4813 <a href='#comment-4504' rel="nofollow">@Jesse</a> - I was in virtually the same relationship. Things got really stale but then I made the mistake of trying to make things work. Thinking if there's a will there's a way. It seemed like anytime I tried to work on intimacy I was in fact making her uncomfortable and irritated. She claimed "I was trying to change her." However, I knew the only way to progress the relationship was by developing intimacy and by communicating better. Both items she failed miserably at. Unfortunately, she was good at bringing down my self-esteem so I hung in the relationship until she's the one who called it off. And boy, I was sort of blindsided because I reapplied myself near the end for one last hurrah when she pulled the rug out from underneath me. I would get out while you can. @Jesse -

I was in virtually the same relationship. Things got really stale but then I made the mistake of trying to make things work. Thinking if there’s a will there’s a way. It seemed like anytime I tried to work on intimacy I was in fact making her uncomfortable and irritated. She claimed “I was trying to change her.” However, I knew the only way to progress the relationship was by developing intimacy and by communicating better. Both items she failed miserably at. Unfortunately, she was good at bringing down my self-esteem so I hung in the relationship until she’s the one who called it off. And boy, I was sort of blindsided because I reapplied myself near the end for one last hurrah when she pulled the rug out from underneath me. I would get out while you can.

]]> By: Jesse http://lovesagame.com/are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap/comment-page-1/#comment-4504 Jesse Tue, 28 Apr 2009 21:24:43 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap/#comment-4504 Hi Tony. I just did Question 1 and am going to let it sit for a week like you said. I think I know the answer to Question 2 but Question 3 is the hardest as you said. I have been in a relationship for about 2.5 years. We have been living together for almost 2 years. She is a beautiful woman who takes care of me and is always willing to help, yet I am still utterly discontent. The fire is gone in the relationship, since I am the energetic and conversational one in the relationship and she is the exact opposite. I am always wanting to do new things and she likes to stay with whats comfortable. I know relationships can't be in the honeymoon stage forever, but I didn't think it would get stale like this. Short, brief conversations and no energy. I don't like being a quitter, but I feel like I need to move on. Hard since we live together. Hi Tony. I just did Question 1 and am going to let it sit for a week like you said. I think I know the answer to Question 2 but Question 3 is the hardest as you said.

I have been in a relationship for about 2.5 years. We have been living together for almost 2 years. She is a beautiful woman who takes care of me and is always willing to help, yet I am still utterly discontent. The fire is gone in the relationship, since I am the energetic and conversational one in the relationship and she is the exact opposite. I am always wanting to do new things and she likes to stay with whats comfortable.

I know relationships can’t be in the honeymoon stage forever, but I didn’t think it would get stale like this. Short, brief conversations and no energy. I don’t like being a quitter, but I feel like I need to move on. Hard since we live together.

]]> By: Tony http://lovesagame.com/are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap/comment-page-1/#comment-4137 Tony Wed, 14 Jan 2009 22:57:05 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap/#comment-4137 <a href='#comment-4128' rel="nofollow">@Eddie Corbano</a> - Thanks for that. I have not seen her for over a week now but we are in touch via phone. She will not meet up with me unless i propose to her fullstop. I'm not sure what to do as she won't give me more time. I have been waking up confused most mornings. When i with her we have good times though. I think i am afraid of commitment. @Eddie Corbano –

Thanks for that. I have not seen her for over a week now but we are in touch via phone. She will not meet up with me unless i propose to her fullstop. I’m not sure what to do as she won’t give me more time. I have been waking up confused most mornings. When i with her we have good times though. I think i am afraid of commitment.

]]> By: Eddie Corbano http://lovesagame.com/are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap/comment-page-1/#comment-4128 Eddie Corbano Tue, 13 Jan 2009 08:34:38 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/are-you-caught-in-the-relationship-trap/#comment-4128 <a href="#comment-4127" rel="nofollow">@Tony</a> - Tony, ask yourself a question: Would you leave the relationship immediately if there was the perfect woman waiting for you? If your answer is yes, then your problem is low self-esteem. You do not think that you can make it alone. That's why you stay in a broken relationship. If you are that depressed, then it's really time to leave. It will be hard at the beginning, you will feel lonely, but it will get better. There is a whole new life waiting for you, exciting and adventurous. Eddie @Tony -

Tony, ask yourself a question: Would you leave the relationship immediately if there was the perfect woman waiting for you?

If your answer is yes, then your problem is low self-esteem. You do not think that you can make it alone. That’s why you stay in a broken relationship.

If you are that depressed, then it’s really time to leave.

It will be hard at the beginning, you will feel lonely, but it will get better. There is a whole new life waiting for you, exciting and adventurous.

Eddie

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