Author Archive

Sam’s Story

Sam caught his wife cheating with his best friend. It was an excruciating experience and even though he felt terribly betrayed, he decided to stay and try to forgive and trust her again. After all, they have a daughter of 4 years and he didn’t want her to suffer for her parents faults.

But Sam’s biggest problems have always been jealousy and distrust. This became ever worse after the infidelity of his wife.

8 months after the incident Sam’s wife decided to get divorced – allegedly she couldn’t bear his distrust and need for control any longer.

Needless to say that Sam was devastated. After her misbehavior, it was him who had desperately tried to keep their marriage going, despite the fact that he had every reason to go. Now she was leaving?

“She left without giving me a chance. This isn’t fair. First she humiliates me then she leaves. I won’t let her do this to me. I swear she will never have a happy day with our daughter again!”

After that Sam felt extreme anger, even hate, which manifested mainly in physical complaints.

Sam’s story is an example of how break ups can lead to anger and hate towards the one who leaves. The break ups or divorces are sometimes more extreme, sometimes less, but the anger is almost always present. Click to continue »

Many of you may have had a rough time last year – going through a devastating break up or divorce. I know from personal experience that a new year is an excellent opportunity to draw a line through your “old life” and start a new one.

While New Year’s resolutions are actually a good thing, they alone cannot accomplish a change of attitude. What we need is a mental shift.

Why do people make New Year’s resolutions?

New Year’s resolutions are an annual ritual. They give us the opportunity to change what we do not like in our lives by “resetting” and starting all over again. A new year allows us to look back at bygones and consider them in the past. That’s why it’s easier to make a new start.

Sounds great, huh?

Actually this sounds great in theory, but there is a problem.

They rarely stick.

So, what to do? How do we know that we will not fall into the same old pattern again?

There is a way which can help you focus on your new goal. This can be used for all kinds of New Year’s resolutions, be it to heal from a break up or divorce, lose weight or quit smoking. Click to continue »

Do you know the feeling of being trapped, just like the walls surrounding you are getting closer and closer? Not too long and they will crush you. Just like being caught in quicksand – every effort to free yourself results in you sinking deeper into it. Somehow you don’t know where this is coming from, you only feel that you are helpless to break free.

Does this sound familiar?

You might be a victim of the relationship trap.

The Relationship Trap

Are you discontent with your relationship? Do you want to break out of it, but don’t know how – and maybe you are even afraid of it?

The survey that I conducted brought to light that many of you have exactly this problem: How do I break out of a relationship that I don’t want, that doesn’t make me happy?

As you know, this site is about surviving break ups and having healthy relationships. But my main concern is your wellbeing!

My most important goal is to lead you down a path towards happiness, towards your real self – if this means that you have to break free from your current relationship, so be it.

So, this article is about how to free yourself from a relationship that is not good for you. I will help you to decide and accomplish a change. Click to continue »

Time heals all wounds. At least, that’s what they tell you when you mention that you’ve been dumped recently (along with giving you that look).

But, does time really heal the wound that’s been brought to you by a break up or divorce?

I think that this is a common misunderstanding. Time would not heal anything if it didn’t force you to go through a certain process.

Time is the medium, the healing is done by you.

Time does heal to a certain degree, but the wounds are not healed effectively, let alone completely, if you don’t contribute anything to the healing process yourself.

Time makes you forget, but your problems are still there. Hidden, but present.

Conscious Healing

Is a break up painful? I know it is. Are you amplifying your pain by improper behavior? Well, let’s see.

For effective and in depth healing you have to take a “conscious healing” approach. That’s what I am teaching in my coaching.

Someone said to me lately that she is doing nothing special to overcome her divorce. Just waiting for time to heal it. What could she do about it anyway?

There are a lot of things you could do to start the “conscious healing”.

A conscious healing approach means that you have to make efforts, like do exercises and shift your state of mind, as opposed to doing nothing, letting the time to work for you.

Before you start with exercises, because you really don’t feel like you need to at the beginning, why not change the few things that directly influence your wellbeing in a negative way? Click to continue »

Do you make these mistakes in your relationship?

There is one particular fear that is usually waiting for you when you are finally over your break up or divorce: The fear of the next relationship. The fear that all you went through, will eventually happen again.

The path to the healing was arduous. The pain unimaginable. You really never want to go through something like that again. Ever!

That is very understandable. Unfortunately nobody can guarantee you that, but there is one thing I can guarantee you:

If you have gone through the phases of a break up correctly, you will cope much better with a potential future break up than you did before.

Also, it helps, if you know the 7 deadly sins in a relationship. Click to continue »