Author Archive

The no-contact rule.

An outstanding concept in theory, yet so difficult to put into action. No other rule shapes the outcome of our recovery more than this one, the rule is a precondition for our survival.

But why is it so hard to follow? Why do we come up with excuses NOT to follow it, even if we know how important it is?

The addiction to one person is not easy to overcome. It takes determination, strength and foremost -the insight on a deeper level that we cannot go on like this any more, without losing ourself completely.

The following success story from AJ is about following and NOT following the no-contact rule, and how important a support system can be: Click to continue »

"The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose"
—Richard Leider

A very close relative once told me that one should learn from the mistakes others make, rather than from your own. It took me a long time to discover that this was not true.

As a child, you learned the hard way that putting your hand on a hot stove top is a bad idea. If you had not made this particular mistake, wouldn’t you have wondered what that might feel like your whole life?

On the other hand, it doesn’t seem to be a good idea to jump in front of a driving truck only to experience that this was not such a good idea.

I think that there are certain mistakes you have to make by yourself. Only then will you be able to catch a glimpse of the true nature of that particular situation along with its consequences, and you will be able to learn from it.

If you take this thought a little further, doesn’t this mean that one should make as many mistakes as they can in order to learn as much they can? Click to continue »

The reason why you are reading this article full of quotes about moving on after a break up is probably because you’ve experienced a painful break up and you feel the need to move on, but – as often in life – this is easier said than done.

The hardest step in the arduous journey of break up recovery is this one painful decision to finally let go. It’s this single decision that means the difference between learning form this devastating experience or dwelling upon the negative for a long time, risking that this whole process might happen again in your future relationships.

The difficult part about moving on after a break up is that it takes a conscious decision.

It’s so much easier to hold on to the known, the hope that they will come back, rather than to find yourself cut off from your comfort zone.

Moving on, and letting go is exactly that – going out into the unknown, alone, without the one you used to love by your side.

Before you can take this important step, it helps if you are fed up back to the teeth with being powerless, dependent and so helpless about what is happening to you. This will give you the strength to take action, and this will to get a huge weight lifted off your shoulders.

Will it be easy after that?

No. But you will have made a major leap towards independence and healing.

The following quotes about moving on after a break up can help you with that step.

If you are a regular reader, you will notice that we’ve had some articles with uplifting quotes before, but none so far about moving on after a break up.

So, enjoy.

12 Uplifting Quotes About Moving On After A Break Up: Click to continue »

“What about love?”
“Overrated. Biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate.”
—Al Pacino (The Devil’s Advocate)

Have you ever dreamed of the perfect partner, the ultimate romantic love in the perfect relationship? A partner who is your missing part, the one that fulfills you and makes you complete? Who’s been waiting their whole life just to meet you, and by your bond, a door in heaven opens for you?

Welcome to the club. You are not alone.

Please read the following email from a dear reader:

Throughout my break-up there’s a concept that’s really been holding me back, “the one”. I’ve always believed it but after this break-up I’ve come to question it. I was so sure my ex was the one, and I was so sure he would never hurt me like this.

If I ever find love again, how will I know if that person really is the one? I had no doubt in my mind that he was the one, in fact part of me still believes it, but how can I ever be sure of anything in a relationship if I was so certain last time and so wrong?

I too suffered from the same disease: believing in an unrealistic picture of “Love”. Click to continue »

“It’s Christmas time, there’s no need to be afraid”.

We all know this line from the song. It sounds good, and of course there is no reason to be afraid of “the most wonderful time of the year” is there? Unless you are alone, suffering from a recent break-up or divorce, facing your first holidays alone.

What used to be a feast of love spent together with your loved ones is now an experience of lingering sadness and depression. Like Hugh Grant’s character in About a Boy said: “I was going to spend this Christmas the way I usually did. Watching videos and getting drunk and stoned”.

Welcome to the holiday depression.

But wait!

I don’t want to paint that picture to you, because it’s simply not true. It doesn’t have to be this way. As a matter of fact you choose how it’s going to be.

The trick to surviving the holidays alone is to free yourself from the expectations and pictures of the past.

I used to spend quite a few holidays alone, and I survived them by shifting my own perception of what they should be: I took them as a few free days, where I could finally do something for myself that I always wanted to do, but never had the time for.

This is the key to survival. Click to continue »