Break Up and Divorce Breakup Success Story: How To Let Go Of The Past

Breakup Success Story: How To Let Go Of The Past

When you start the arduous journey to break-up recovery there is one thing that most people have in common: the destructive feeling of being alone and helpless.

What helps us endure those challenges of life is the knowledge that there are others before you who went the same path and their acquired wisdom: a breakup success story.

Allowing the possibility that you WILL make it and come out of this experience renewed will give you strength and boost your confidence. It even may give you the initial push to finally start your recovery.

The only problem is that those who moved on usually don't look back, be it to avoid pain or just because they simply don't want to look back.

But – as you know – luckily there are exceptions. Those who understand that looking back is also part of the healing process, it's where we connect the dots together to make the last step into independence.

Our dear reader Ronin decided to come back and share his own experiences with his break-up.

This is his story.

Breakup Success Story from our reader Ronin

“Hey, guys!

I remember back when I was first dumped, one of the main things that discouraged me was the very low ratio of success stories versus tales of heartbreak, misery, and loneliness. The thing is, once someone heals from the traumatic experience of being heartbroken, they usually tend to carry on with their lives and do not go back to support those who are new to the experience. Of course, some people are an exception to this rule, but that's how it usually works in my experience.

Still thinking about your Ex? Click here to take the test to learn how long it takes to heal... and how you can speed up the process.

So, I promised myself some months ago that I would come back when I feel better to encourage those who are just starting their bittersweet experience of healing.

Very quickly about myself – I was with a girl for three years, planned to marry her, but was forced to leave the country temporarily for work. Long story short, after less than three months of me being away (I would fly to see her every month) she told me she wasn't in love with me anymore, broke up with me and told me there was someone else.

A month after breaking up with me she was already with the new guy, with me having to purchase a magnifying glass to look for the pieces of my shattered heart. Now, I'm an athletic / macho type of guy and have always been considered as very self-controlled and tough, but this break up really got to me.

I was a wreck.

I lost my job because of it, couldn't concentrate for weeks and cried in the proud loneliness of my sad apartment.

The break up was over 4 months ago. I maintained contact and it was WRONG. VERY WRONG.

All I could do is facebook-stalk her, her friends, etc, waiting for the moment she posts photos of her with her new boyfriend. And soon enough she did! Oh the joy of looking at the person you wanted to be with for the rest of your life (the person who swore her undying love for you) kissing with someone she left you for, with so much joy in their eyes… How wonderfully cruel life can be!

So I cut off contact.

This is the best advice I can give to ANYONE in that situation – do it!

I kept contact thinking she might come to her senses and want to get back with me (although I had promised myself I would never take her back – the paradox of human nature, right?). But it just ended up hurting me more.

Once I deleted her everything became so much MORE EASY to handle. It really does give you back the control and it is a wonderful feeling. Go for it – cut contact.

The thing is, unless your ex-partner is a complete tool, you can always re-establish contact with them years later if you so wish. And if they won't accept you back as a friend, then you are really so much better off without a small person like that.

So yeah, now I am single and yes, I do still think of her sometimes, etc., but it doesn't hurt me anymore. Before, every single memory of her would cause me an unbearable amount of pain. Not any more.

So PLEASE, cut contact, follow what the articles on this website say, and know that it will get better and better. The pain will go away – for some more slowly than for others, but it will fade into the past.

Make positive efforts to let go of the past, forgive everyone and try to develop a positive outlook at life. If you can't do it right away, fake it until you make it! 🙂

If this post cheers up at least one person out there, I will be very happy! Like I said, I felt the need of seeing more stories like this when I was crying out salty tears…

Ronin”

The key to Ronin's recovery was to finally start following the no-contact rule. The no-contact rule is THE precondition to fast recovery, as I have written so many times.

This is by far the fastest, least painful and most efficient way.

I hope that Ronin's story will help you to conquer all the obstacles the no-contact rule imposes on you and that you too will reach the end of the road called recovery as soon as possible.

But don't forget to come back and share your experiences when you're there.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

  • No contact is wonderful, in the begining it is awesome, DONT keep track of anything an ex is doing at ALL, doesnt matter what they post on fb, thats fake and who cares who they are dating, i usually feel sorry for them also, they have yet to put up with that narcissists, no thank you for me, its all about self esteem and confidence, GET SOME and even though you will still think about them, it will get less and less 2 and a half months for me and even though i still look back to that time with him, i dont linger or stay there, i get the hell out and move forward! you can do it, really, there are more people in the world, there is no one person for you, you can have many and each teaches a lesson.:) good luck.

    • Your post is AWESOME!!!

  • Thanks for sharing Ronin!

    I am 46 days NC and each day gets better….. I admit it still hurts! This is the second time he dumped me the first time was worst that this one… the first time I would calll and text send pics of me crying like a pathetic fool that I was!!!! This time when he dumped me it hurt like hell worst than the first time…..but this time i deleted his number all the pics of him out my phone so I would not call or text him !!!!! im still hurting inside and miss him….but I know he is not worthy of my love anymore!!!!! KARMA is all I have to say!!!

    • you can do it, each time you do no contact on them it gets easier, this is like my 10th time and this time i cut all ways for him not to get ahold of me as before i didnt, i mean it this time and you can to, get self esteem and they always get what they deserve whether we see it or not, just dont keep tabs on him at all, makes it easier.

    • Way to go!!! You are an inspiration to us all!!!

      Totally awesome!!!

  • I met a guy on line which I fell in love with, who would not be 3000 emails, booked flights, pricey hotels, send me gifts, skype..even proposed marriage.. then after 1 1/2 month of that.. and just overnight he just cannot do it.. he was not sure of himself. That really broke my heart.. we argued since he is the one who even filed my leaves! Just imagine.. I went alone to those places he booked and merely saying anything to me even not mentioning my name as if I do not exist, that hurt me really bad.. so I tried by telling him still that I love him. Until such time, I got tired and just stop.. then suddenly one of the hotel reservations got charged on my CC. Here I go again, I emailed him, sent text messages that I need to pay the charges (well thanks to him for not showing up.) I got the confirmation receipt from him which I hope is not fake.. and I decided not to reply anymore. I mean what for? I realized the more I cling to emails, or things about him the more I cannot move forward. I even deleted most of the photos stored on my notebook and phone just about everything, I can only hope that in time, I can forget what he did to me. I guess the NC thing will work after all. Time heals. I hope it won’t take too long. But for sure he had scarred me with this experience. Maybe in time the pain is gone but what he did.. it sure always remind me how can one love go wrong.

    • Gie,
      Read my post!

      Proud of you that you tossed his emails and photos or any reminder of him. What a low life.

      You are a strong woman, I can tell. I don’t think you loved him, I think you were in love with the adventure. BIG difference.

      Hope you realize this guy is a NC for sure!!!

      NEXT!!!

  • It is so hard! It was almost a month exactly that my ex left me. He completely blind sided me. We hung out all weekend and he acted the way he always does! Then we were getting ready to go to sleep and he decides to tell me that there is just no spark. I left in the middle of the night. He came over the next day and we agreed to give it two weeks to see how we felt. We met in a park and he tells me that the gravitational pull is gone but webare so compatible and he is afraid genus letting the best thing ever walk out of his life. I just don’t understand how you can be compatible and have no spark and be completely lost. How could he tell me for almost a year that he loved me and then leave me without wanting to work in it.
    The best thing is no contact for me. I have written hundreds of emails that I haven’t sent. I want to so badly send that last email to say goodbye but it won’t hange anything. I cry everyday! My heart won’t let me let go because he was so confused how do I leave him in the past when all I want is him in my present?

    • Dear Broken,
      Having been through what you went through…in and out of my life…i see red flags all over this…he has someone else and is too much of a coward to tell you.
      Stick with NC…I didn’t for yrs…it’s been moths now and it feels like years! It’s awesome!.
      Read my post and know that you will come through this pain. Your best love is yet to come, This guy is full of it!
      RUN!!!!!

  • Sweet Vicky says:

    Hi Ed. I’m sorry to hear of your situation. I know you love your wife very much, but the only thing you can do now is Pray. I promise things will turn around in your favor. I was in a 16 year relationship and out of nowhere my ex told me he was leaving because someone was having his baby. I wanted to die. I cried many days and nights. We stayed in touch and I tried to make him come back home. He would come spend nights and we would go places together. We have two children together. I finally realize he will never change and he wants both of us. I started the NC for only one day and feel so bad. I want my family back together so bad but I don’t like the lying and the cheating. If you love someone set them free. If they come back to you it was meant to but. IF they do not come back it was never meant to be. I still cry but I know it will get better. It’s been 11 months since my break up and it feels like yesterday. I’m trying to pray and find myself because until I find myself I will never find the happiness I truly deserve. Good Luck Ed and don’t give up. I hope you well!!!!!!!!God Bless you and your marriage.

    • I’m praying for you too, Sweet Vicky. Your story breaks my heart.

      Please read my post. If only one thing registers…then I will have gotten the message through to another.

      He wants his cake and eat it too?? You have children together? Is this what you want your children to come to know as normal or acceptable? Or respectable? They will resent you both for it… I guarantee you.

      He left because he wanted to. The fact that he screwed up and got caught in baby mama drama s just an excuse, I feel for you, your children and that poor baby.

      Your tears are felt by God. Let Him be your blanket of love, compassion and protection.

  • Hi my Name is Ed, im going through a really tough breakup. my wife of 14 years has chosen to be with another man, the man that she was unfaithful with 2 years ago. I know its clear that I should be ok with this and move on, but I just cant bring myself to do it. we all work together. I still love her, and if given the opportunity I think I would want to work it out. I need guidance. please help!

    • Gosh, Ed…. sorry you are in this predicament. The best advice i can give in this situation is it’s not ok and you should move on, get a job elsewhere. You all work together? If that guy can mess around with a married woman he will mess around again…on her. And as her proven track record…if you were to take her back…she will definitely mess around on you again. What is it about her to love??? The challenge of trying to get there back? That’s not love…that’s ego. I have to say one thing though, there were needs not being met in your relationship…otherwise she would not have looked elsewhere. What was it about her you loved??? Think about it. I am sorry your breakup has been tough. I feel for you. Man or woman being dumped is an awful feeling for all. Ed, she is gone. Let her go.
      You both played a part in that breakup…figure out what it was and make sure not to make the same mistake in your next relationship. Start with a moral compass…it will lead you in the right direction.

    • Hi Edd i feel the same way i have a boyfriend for 10years and he wants me to go away because he’s inlove with someone else. Up until now i still dont what to do im falling to pieces

  • tryin2bhappy says:

    Reading the stories here and I felt a little inspired. I thought it would be therapeutic to write about my story. Met a great man, who was like my knight in shining armour. I was going through some health issues and he was very supportive of me. I did think that potentially this guy could be the one. We seemed to have so much in common. Both going to Church. etc.. After 6 months of dating I noticed that the contact between us started to drop off suddenly. Then when I didn’t hear from him after a week after our last date, I contacted him to ask if he was doing ok.

    He did not answer his phone or respond to any texts. He did call me back but told me that he had been unhappy for a while now in the relationship. Of course prior to talking to him that day I never knew because he never mentioned anything to me about his feelings. So this was all new to me. At that point I asked him what he wanted to do as far as the relationship goes. He got quiet and then said” he wasnt sure and he hadn’t made a decision. I never would have expected that he would do something like this.

    Its been almost a week and I haven’t heard back from him. But my assumption is that he was going to break up with me anyway and I just found out by contacting him. If I had not contacted him he probably would never have contacted me back.

    It hurts but I refuse to contact him back because I realize that if a person doesn’t love you then they are not worthy of your time or love but it still does hurt. I also realize that for whatever reason, some people do not love themselves and therefore they cannot love others. He always hinted that he hated his body was not good looking. He also said he was treated so bad by women in the past relationships. Perhaps he was not able to committ and love at that time. Still it does hurt because once I am in a relationship I put my all into it and give people the benefit of the doubt.

    I have come down with the flu and been out of work almost 2 weeks. I am sure that alot of the stress is from this situation. Also I am not the type of woman to get into relationships easy and I feel that it will be hard now for me to trust anyone because it took awhile of speaking to this guy to say yes to a date. We had been seeing each other casually in our travels for about 6 months and talking before he even asked me out. It took me two months to decide to go on a date with him. I just don’t rush into things but this caught me off guard. I just pray for all of you that all of our hearts will heal quickly so that we can move on with our lives and love again. I will update if anything changes.

    • You will find someone worthy of your attention. You sound like an awesome woman, and I hope you are in a fabulous relationship that you deserve. No one can make another person happy. happiness is something you share . Hope you are sharing your happy with someone who knows how to love.

  • Ronin, thank you for being empathic to think of others that were once in your shoes, very admirable. I myself look over all the posts here and have wanted to comment on many of them and then I look at the date they left their comment and I think to myself “so whatever happened, how did things end up for you?” I myself have added this site to my favorites, as I have already decided that I WILL come back here to share my HAPPY ENDING/BEGINNING with those that might be walking in the shoes that no longer fit me. I have participated in the NO CONTACT rule from the beginning, I felt that self-abusive behavior was uncalled for on my part, as I was already going through an emotional sunami. First things I did was change my cell phone number, delete and created all new internet addresses, blocked her name on FB and made my page for “friends” only. I got rid of EVERY SINGLE THING, I even re-arranged my entire house and cleansed my space. Remember everyone, the 5 stages of grief…………..you must go through each phase en its entirety, do not try to fool yourself with “hell yeah, she/he’s gone, I can do better” “yup I think it time for that singles dance” “yeaaaaa single and ready to mingle” DON’T try to rush the stages of grief, please google them if you have never heard of them, you must take as much time as YOU need to get from point A to point B, there aren’t any shortcuts, if you try to create them, you will eventually find yourself in quicksand. This May, it will be a year since my partner of 10 years, up and left and I can tell you I can’t remember the last time I cried, or the last time I was up at 3:00 am having a cigarette on my deck because of the rushing thoughts. I can’t remember the last time I yelled in the shower “I love you, please come back”, BUT; after almost a year YES, there are times when ever so slightly I have thoughts of “anger and hurt” and where before I would just dwell in that darkness and massive wave of worthlessness; NOW when those thoughts for some reason pop up, I can instantly re-direct my thoughts to positive things ( planning a trip to P-Town this summer, going dancing with my best friend, a family reunion ) I instantly just re-direct and think of ALL the wonderful blessings I have in my life. REMEMBER, we CAN’T change anyone, all we can do is CHANGE ourselves. Us suffering and withering away does not affect the other person at all !!! They are living their life and happy go lucky, DON’T give someone else the power to be able to control and mandate the quality of YOUR LIFE.

    • Great advice!
      Well written!
      Going to make some of those changes you discussed above.
      I love the …walking in those shoes that no longer fit me!!
      Please share your Happy!!
      You are awesome!

  • I had a ten year relationship with a guy I thought I trusted I worshipped the ground he walked on. After many years with his drinking which was really bad and finding out he went with prostitutes I finally ended it. Four and a half years later he gets in contact and fucks with my head saying he wants me back. Why ring

  • 20 days of NC after almost 3 mo. break up. I feel a little better. I wish he would leave my mind for good and not make me think about him anymore. Every time I looked at something like my badminton and tennis rackets–they remind me of my ex because we used to love playing these sports together! I can’t possibly put these away because they are my sports and part of the things that I love do! But now I associate these things that I love with him. :(( Which is so hard. But I am trying!! I know I will make it and be able to move on happily again. Thanks Eddie for running this site. I keep visiting and re-reading the articles here and the comments made by the ‘survivors’ and those who are on the same boat like me. I love him my ex so much but it’s now time to move on. Instead, I will re-learn loving myself again and so I ‘ll be ready for the next person who deserves ‘me’ and the love I will give.

  • Sorry, i also want to thank all those people here who gave me support when i was so desperate in my struggle. Thank you so much, i wish you also feel fine already.
    God bless you all

  • Hello Everone!
    At least, i can leave my messege here and probably this one is the last.
    I broke up with my ex on the 21st or April 2011. That day was my granny’s funerals who was like mother to me. It was my first serious break-up and it was so frwaking hard for me: my dearest family member died, i was about to take my finals and graduate from school and… i dated married man. So once i made it obvious to his wife (God, forgive me for this, i wish they are both are ok, i was so stupid.) and our connection with my ex was cut for two months. I was like plant. I was just staying in all the time without any cries or else. Just laying on my bed watching wall. I hardly remember those times, but good thing i succesfully passed my exams and it cheered me up little. Once he was back. I burtsted out of sobbing, i wanted him back so madly and i couldn’t fogive him and everything he could say that he still loves but i was irresponsible and didnt trust him enough and was unable to wait. He was tottally right. The he left me again. And he was coming back and leaving me up to September. It was all pain and cries again. I had to go to my uni, seeing new people, doing absolutly new things but i was hardly enjoying it. Time was passing by and i tried to practise Eddie’s advices as much as i could and i read the book of Dale Carnegie it was also very helpful. But during m christmas vocations i started to miss him again, so madly. So decided to go to the gym and work out (I also gained about 6kg) So i was spending there so much time and i started to feel better and look better. I left all my sadness there/ I used to go there feeling that i never ever meet a man like my ex and i was staying there up to the moment when i felt so tired that i stopped careing about anything at all. The i started to practice clay sculpting and water colors painting. So for the rest of holidays i was just improving myself in there fields. All of those helped me to release my stress. After awhile i started really enjoying my life of a single girl. I was really so happy, i felt that nothing could stop me ever. I was over him. I thought. So the i met a Great Guy. We’ve been going out for 2,5 months but i often felt that he wasn’t someone special, it always felt like something was wrong for us, like we were not supposed to be together though we realy liked each other. And here my ex goes again. We had a difficult conversation with him, i started to think that he was the only one for me again, i was crying, he was saying that he needs me and i was saying the same, i felt so lost and i was so scaried that pain is back. All my job about rebuilding myself seemded ruined. But after our conversation was over and i hang up the phone the first thought in my head: “The hell??? I really wanna be with my current date, he is great, this man is my past, he was amazing but he is never mine and i’m never for him” And you know what was next? I realised that just now i was really freed from my ex. My relations with Great Guy became so smooth and i’ve fallen in love with him. We’re still together and i feel that huh… at least, i thought i can never love that deep again. But Great Guy found me when i was really enjoying my life and he made me even happier.
    As for my ex. Well, i see him stalking me for past few days. I think he doesn’t love me anymore neither do i. But i still have some place in my heart for him, i really wish him to be happy again. Even happier that he was with me. I wish his family is ok. I even wish his wife to forgive him because he is really really good person. Its just we are all only humans and we all make mistakes. But even if they cant be together again i wish them to live in piece with each other and with their own selvies. If once he needs my help i will give it because he taught me great life lessons and gave me priceless expirience of the great love and great sorrow. If he never excited in my life i could never have what i have now.
    I hope my story wasn’t boring and didn’t take you long to read. I wish you all the best guys/ And there’s my special thank for Eddie Corbano: you are doing really great job, you helped me and many other people. Keep on doing it. You’re so awesome

  • Geraldine says:

    Hi guys, all the coments are so helpful and i really feel for all of you out there going through breakups. My husband walked out on me after 30yrs together ,10 weeks ago, i am heartbroken and also dealing with the stress of not being able to afford a place to rent. The house has to go up for sale soon. I am so scared and lonely. I feel worn out prentending i’m coping when i’m really falling apart. I hope and pray to God that eventually it will get easier. Its a relief just to say this out loud.. God bless you all,,,,

  • Susan harmony says:

    I was with a guy for 4 years and he love me more than anything in this world,sudenly he was behaving strenge and he ask me to stay away from him and went with another girl,i was so confused so i order a spell from Dr.Zack and he gave me a returning spell.After four day he called me and appologize for the mistake he made.i must share this testimony to every body hinduntemple@gmail.com  is really grate if you are in the same shoe i will advise you to contact him and you will be a happy one

  • bravo….love you sis!!!….just remember u deserve better…take care and forget that jerk!!!

  • ughhh, why do guys do this? now she probably thinks there’s still a chance for the two of you when in reality you only said that rattle her a little. i just don’t get it…

  • my ex had cheated on me he had been dating someone else while he was dating me.i broke up with him a month ago i had accepted the fact that it was over and i had left all my memories behind but it was then that he called me to apologize and wanted to be friends with me. I said no. But it made my life worse i cannot do anything since then i want to contact him and somehow want to here from him.He loves someone else that makes the situation worse i dont know what to do?? i am following the no-contact rule but at some point of time i give i ask my friends to contact him and let me know about him i know that is silly but is so not in my control plzz help..

    • i’m in the same boat too. try to go out with your friends, have fun and go out on dates (just to get your mind off him). whatever you do, DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT contact him. if a guy wants to be with you, HE WILL CALL. i’ve had to repeat this to myself over and over again and whenever the phone rings or i get a text my heart skips a beat hoping it’s my ex…only to drop when i find out it’s not him. if you can block his number so that his calls go straight to voicemail instead of ringing, do it. (i did) and block him on facebook.

      believe me when i say this, if he wants you, he’ll make an effort to fight for you and believe me when i say this, you deserve it. everyone woman does.

    • it is rightly said that “if you love something, set it free. if it comes back then its your’s and if it doesn’t then it never was”.you set him free and he landed with someone else…you are the only one to choose what to do next..

  • I got out of my first relationship four, almost five months ago. In a nutshell, we were long distance, and at first it was ignorantly blissful, but then it started to get really hard. So, naturally, as long distance never really works out unless if you know you’re going to eventually be with the person, we broke up. I was a wreak. This was my first relationship. We didn’t say I love you, or do anything more than fool around, so that made it easier in the end to get over it. But I moped around all summer just hoping that we’d get back together and thinking of all the memories we had together. I agree with what is said in this article. CUT OFF CONTACT. Don’t e-mail, facebook stalk, text/call, ANYTHING. Until you are completely over the person and THEY want to be just friends with you again. The distance really helped me, since I didn’t see him while I was getting over him, but all in all the no contact rule helped more than I thought it would. You learn how to make YOU happy and everything goes back to normal. Try your hardest not to rebound… find things that make you happy and take it day by day. That’s what helped me. And here’s a helpful quote: “It’ll be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” 

    I hope this helped!!!! This website certainly helped me. Thank you!!

  • Confused9684 says:

    After 5 years of serious dating (we are the god parents of my nephew), talks of wedding, buying a house etc… i was left. He said the relationship went stale and something was missing. I was completely blindsided (huge lack of communication). He wasn’t happy in our relationship and felt that the next step was marriage, but he wasn’t sure I was the one for him. He can’t help thinking “there’s gotta be something more” out there. Its been 3 weeks and i just ate my first meal since it happened. I have been an absolute wreck, but am now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I am an educated, loyal, honest person who deserves nothing but the best.

    The kicker is …… he wont stop texting me. He says we need to keep our lines of communication open, but be honest with each other if we meet someone else. He doesnt want to get back together right now, but he “hasnt ruled us out completely” either. I want to cut communication off soo bad and every time i tell him that, he responds with “fine, but that means your willing to let me go, what if we really are meant for each other” and my response is  “well if we you really wanted to be with me, we would be working this out, like normal couples do.”

    I dont know what to do. Im deeply in love and very attached to him, and i would honestly give my right arm to be back with him. I am so confused with what he is doing, and the thought of him ever having to udder the words ” i met someone else” to me- makes me sick to my stomach.

    Do i keep accepting texts from him in hopes of us working this all out, or do i cut all communication and just move on with my life?? Im so confused!

    • He is holding all the power if you let him do this. His attitude is: “let’s take a look around and if there’s nothing out there for me then she’s still available”.

      Don’t make it this simple for him! You have to take your power back by starting strict “No Contact” (I show how in my free ebook).

      Eddie

      • Eddie!
        You are awesome! And SPOT ON!!!

        Your website has inspired me to NC. I don’t know why it took me years to do that but after a few months of NC it feels like years of NC…and I don’t feel the need to to feel the need.

        You are my hero and your program truly works!!!

        Thanks a million!!!

  • Angelafavs says:

    Never get to soon about love and relationship cos it very broad to tackle, but never to forget the connectivity of our heart and brain. Losing and winning are always in between about love. Do not make any unnecessary thing to do in your own life spend it with care, love and faith. peace!!!

    Please put your website url in the appropriate field of the comment form. Thanks, Eddie

  • >