What IS a real man anyway?

Maybe it is the lonely “cowboy-type”, who rides through the wilderness, his horse is his only friend. (This type seems to be emotionally unavailable, thus not very useful to women. Have you ever seen the Marlboro Man with a girl in his arms)?

Or maybe it is the brave fireman, running into a burning house unselfishly risking his life to save others?

It is definitely NOT the “artist-type”, who lives in his own complicated world trying to express what is inside him, is it?

Whatever type it is, and I don’t pretend to know the answer, it seems that it’s defined by the skills you have and the action you take, rather than by your looks.

The magazine Esquire has put together a list of the 25 essential skills every man should ever have.

Some of them seem to be very useful and mannish, like for example “give a good massage”, ”wire a ceiling fixture” or “skin a moose”.  (While the latter seems to be the ultimate man-skill, I seriously question its usefulness – especially when you are living in a big town, but hey, you never know).

Others, on the other hand, seem not to make sense for the modern urban man at first glance, like for example “fell a tree” or “kill an injured animal”.

But, see for yourself and make your own opinion.

Here’s the link:

25 Skills Every Man Should Know

Whatever you do, whatever skills you acquire, remember: being a man starts first in your head… I think.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

…and still be on my feet.

After talking about the best breakup songs, I received some e-mails asking what songs I was hearing during my own personal break up.

Unfortunately, I made THE fatal mistake – which I don’t want you to do: I listened to all of the heart-wrenching break up songs that not only make you cry, but they kill from inside. I listened to them and wallowed in self-pity.

I wanted to feel bad.

Do yourself a favor and don’t listen to these songs.  (I won’t list them – you know which ones I mean).

But there was one particular song that I listened to over and over again. I somehow related to this song, because I really liked the lyrics. It seemed to express what I felt at that moment back then.

It’s not a typical break up song and it is definitely not mainstream. It felt very uplifting, so I’m sharing this with you.

The song is called “A Case of You”, by Joni Mitchell. I listened more to the Diana Krall version, which is completely different to Joni Mitchell’s. Joni’s version is definitely more uplifting and positive, and it fits better with the lyrics.

Read the great lyrics and listen to the music.

A case of you

Just before our love got lost you said
I am as constant as a northern star
And I said, constant in the darkness
Wheres that at?
If you want me Ill be in the bar

On the back of a cartoon coaster
In the blue TV screen light
I drew a map of Canada
Oh Canada
And your face sketched on it twice

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine
Oh and you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you
I could drink a case of you darling
And I would still be on my feet
Oh Id still be on my feet

Oh I am a lonely painter
I live in a box of paints
I’m frightened by the devil
And I’m drawn to those ones that ain’t afraid
I remember that time that you told me, you said
Love is touching souls
Surely you touched mine
Cause part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine
And you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you
I could drink a case of you darling
Still Id be on my feet
And still be on my feet

I met a woman
She had a mouth like yours
She knew your life
She knew your devils and your deeds
And she said
Color go to him, stay with him if you can
Oh but be prepared to bleed
Oh but you are in my blood you’re my holy wine
Oh and you taste so bitter, bitter and so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you darling
Still Id be on my feet
Id still be on my feet

Mmmmmmm

Here is the Diana Krall version, (be aware that it sounds very sad):

This is the Jon Mitchell version, much more positive:

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

The Internet is crowded with self-help books and guides that promise happiness. Some of them are good, some not quite so good.

A guide to happiness, in my opinion, has to offer two things: it has to be to the point and very near to the absolute truth, (whatever that might be).

Would you believe that someone wrote such a guide in only 23 sentences a very long time ago?

A lawyer called Max Ehrmann wrote a concise prose poem following an urge he wrote about in his diary:

“I should like, if I could, to leave a humble gift — a bit of chaste prose that had caught up some noble moods.”

The outcome of this “urge” was a timeless and inspirational prose, which offers a simple positive credo for life.

Desiderata (Latin for “desired things”) was written by Ehrmann around 1920.

A common myth ads a touch of mystery to it: some people believe that the Desiderata poem was found in a Baltimore church in 1692 and is centuries old, of unknown origin.

Be it as it were, the Desiderata is the ultimate guide to a happier life, and should be read and put into practice on a daily basis.

Here it is (I bolted the passages that are important for me/us):

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons .
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter ,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career , however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love ,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass .

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune .
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars ;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world .
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

By Max Ehrmann ©1927

Your friend,

Eddie Corbano

Many years ago, when I suffered from my own break up, I bought a book about poems and love. I wanted to know the answer to my question: What is love really?

Could the answer be found in poems?

We shall see.

Lovers have long used poetry as an expression of their feelings when spoken words fall short. Through the ages, some of this poetry has stood the test of time as great works of art. Often words capture things that would be lost to the world if it had not been captured on a page.

There are several works of art that have stood the test of time and become classics.

Poem No1:

“She Walks In Beauty”
By Lord Byron

She walks in beauty like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meets in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress
Or softly lightens o’er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.
And on that cheek, and o’er that brow,
So soft, so calm, so eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent.

Written in 1815 By Lord Byron, this poem refers to his cousin, whom he met at a party in the home of Lady Stillwell’s. The cousin is Ms. Wilmont, and while the meaning of the dark is often debated in this poem, it is easily explained.

When he first laid eyes on her, Ms. Wilmont was wearing black mourning clothes. This is the dark that he refers to, and the bright features refer to her beauty. He not only talks about her physical beauty, but with the mention of a “mind aat peace with all below” that she is a serene and peaceful person. He is reputed to have gone back to his room and written this poem over a drink of brandy.

When reading the poem, you must first understand characteristics of an “enjambed” line. Read through smoothly until you get to the punctuation marks in order for it to make sense. This poem employs this method, and it is much more meaningful if you read it through how it was written.

Lord Byron lived a tumultuous life. Plagued with a wild lifestyle, and a stigma of a lame foot from birth, he was a known carouser and womanizer. He was reputed to have affairs with many women, and while much of his poetry is dark, this poem stands out as a piece of admiration for a woman he found clean and pure beauty in – a perfect example for the interaction of poems and love.

Poem No2:

“How Do I Love Thee?”
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

This poem, written by Elizabeth Barrett Browning in 1845 to her future husband, Robert Browning.

The intensity of this love developed after a series of tragic events had sent the young Elizabeth into despair. Out of her despair, she had secluded herself to her room, and poetry resulted. Eventually her works became published, and Robert Browning contacted her because she mentioned his works as inspiration. Elizabeth’s father did not approve of the relationship, so this secret love affair was kept sealed until they eloped in 1846.

The inspiration for this poem, one of her most famous, comes from a combination of her Christian beliefs, which did not always make her popular, as well as her love for Robert. This simple poem, which states “How do I love thee” and then lists the reasons, shows the depth of her love. The Christian belief system is evident with her connection to loving him even after death, if God choose. This simple poem expresses every aspect of her love sentiments perfectly; she loves him with everything – including the smiles and tears of her life. That is what has kept this poem relevant for all this time.

Poem No3:

“First Love”
by John Clare

I ne’er was struck before that hour
With love so sudden and so sweet.
Her face it bloomed like a sweet flower
And stole my heart away complete.

My face turned pale, a deadly pale.
My legs refused to walk away,
And when she looked what could I ail
My life and all seemed turned to clay.

And then my blood rushed to my face
And took my eyesight quite away.
The trees and bushes round the place
Seemed midnight at noonday.

I could not see a single thing,
Words from my eyes did start.
They spoke as chords do from the string,
And blood burnt round my heart.

Are flowers the winter’s choice
Is love’s bed always snow
She seemed to hear my silent voice
Not love appeals to know.

I never saw so sweet a face
As that I stood before.
My heart has left its dwelling place
And can return no more.

John Clare wrote this poem about his first love, Mary Joyce.

He was not wealthy, as her family she was, so this romance went unrequited. Although he eventually married another woman in 1820, he never gave up the love for Mary Joyce. While married, he experienced some success as a poet, but once the success diminished, he became distraught. Eventually he was committed to an asylum, where he began to fantasize that he was married to both women simultaneously. He left the asylum and walked 100 miles hoping to reunite with her. He also imagined that they had children together.

Finding that his Mary Joyce was not there caused such distress for John Clare that he ended up confined to an asylum for the rest of his life. In spite of confinement, some of his best poetry was written during those early years of confinement. In all, Clare wrote about 3500 poems, with about 400 being published. Mary was such a source of inspiration that John Clare actually gave up his sanity out of his love for her.

Love poetry has long been part of the courting process. The emotions that stem from this mystery collaboration of poems and love create both beautiful and painful word pictures of the emotions that result… either from the love fulfilled, or the love rebuffed.

What love really is?

I’ve learned that the answer to that question cannot be found in the outside world of books or movies, but rather in the inside world of your own heart.

Your friend,

Eddie Corbano

Of course, beauty is always in the eye of the beholder they say, but this love poem conveys a certain truth we all know or hope it exists, and we all long for having it in our lives. It gives us a short glance how life should be: sweet and passionate.
To me personally, the following poem is the most romantic love poem of all romantic love poems.

Wait a minute, you might think. Why does Eddie Corbano show me such a poem, beautiful or not? Hey, this wouldn’t be a LovesAGame article if there would be nothing to learn from it, right?

Now, after reading the poem below, I want you to ask yourself the following: have I ever felt in such a way? Do I have a fundamental understanding what this poem is about? What is my concept of feeling love?

Furthermore, if you are in a fulfilling relationship, I want you to let this love poem elevate you to a new level of passion and sensibility. Read this poem together with your partner and find together the truth in it for you.

If you are currently in a long distance relationship, send your love this poem by letter or email along with some personal words from you.

If you are suffering from a recent divorce or break up, let this short love poem remind you that it still exists. It’s still out there waiting for you to find it. It’s certainly not dead.

So obviously I’m sharing this with you for three reasons:

• to delight you with some insightful piece of art
• to elevate you and your partner to a new level of understanding true love
• to remind you that the love in which you believed once still exists

So, no more talking, here it is the most romantic of all short love poems, enjoy:

Looking For Your Face

From the beginning of my life
I have been looking for your face
but today I have seen it

Today I have seen
the charm, the beauty,
the unfathomable grace
of the face
that I was looking for

Today I have found you
and those who laughed
and scorned me yesterday
are sorry that they were not looking
as I did

I am bewildered by the magnificence
of your beauty
and wish to see you
with a hundred eyes

My heart has burned with passion
and has searched forever
for this wondrous beauty
that I now behold

I am ashamed
to call this love human
and afraid of God
to call it divine

Your fragrant breath
like the morning breeze
has come to the stillness of the garden
You have breathed new life into me
I have become your sunshine
and also your shadow

My soul is screaming in ecstasy
Every fiber of my being
is in love with you

Your effulgence
has lit a fire in my heart
for me
the earth and sky

My arrow of love
has arrived at the target
I am in the house of mercy
and my heart
is a place of prayer

Beautiful, isn’t it?

This is Rumis “Looking for your face”. There is also a remarkable recitation along with some awesome music (look out for track 14): A Gift Of Love. Check it out.

Your friend,

Eddie Corbano