"The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose"
—Richard Leider

A very close relative once told me that one should learn from the mistakes others make, rather than from your own. It took me a long time to discover that this was not true.

As a child, you learned the hard way that putting your hand on a hot stove top is a bad idea. If you had not made this particular mistake, wouldn’t you have wondered what that might feel like your whole life?

On the other hand, it doesn’t seem to be a good idea to jump in front of a driving truck only to experience that this was not such a good idea.

I think that there are certain mistakes you have to make by yourself. Only then will you be able to catch a glimpse of the true nature of that particular situation along with its consequences, and you will be able to learn from it.

If you take this thought a little further, doesn’t this mean that one should make as many mistakes as they can in order to learn as much they can?

Albert Einstein said:

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."

Therefore, life is about experiencing the new, about making mistakes and about learning from them.

There are many road signs on the way which are trying to help us make the right decisions. We are bombarded with rules of guidance.

There is religion, family, the government, society, the media – EVERYONE is teaching us about moral and ethics and how you should basically live your life.

The "modern urban" society has especially imposed unwritten rules upon us which, very often, betray us by the life we, as free human beings, should be living. I believe that we should break the chains of society more often and leave one’s comfort zone in order to find the "unknown". It is there, where the "magic" happens.

When we don’t have the comfort of the known around us, feeling so secure, then something very uncomfortable happens, we are confronted with this thing we all know so well:

Fear.

But by facing what we fear, we learn priceless life-lessons from which we will benefit our whole lives.

Right after my experience, I learned more about myself and life in particular than I had in all the time before that.

The unknown and pain will make you wiser.

The following 7 life rules I learned the hard way. Like putting your hand on a hot stove. These are born out of mistakes, pain, tears and fear.

I list them here not because I wanted to tell you how you should live your life, but because I want to show you a new perspective.

Maybe some of these life lessons may appeal to you, and you are willing to think about them. Maybe they don’t make sense to you, and you will still have to make these mistakes for yourself. Either way, they show you how good things can be born out of pain.

So here they are, my personal 7 life rules:

“What about love?”
“Overrated. Biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate.”
—Al Pacino (The Devil’s Advocate)

Have you ever dreamed of the perfect partner, the ultimate romantic love in the perfect relationship? A partner who is your missing part, the one that fulfills you and makes you complete? Who’s been waiting their whole life just to meet you, and by your bond, a door in heaven opens for you?

Welcome to the club. You are not alone.

Please read the following email from a dear reader:

Throughout my break-up there’s a concept that’s really been holding me back, “the one”. I’ve always believed it but after this break-up I’ve come to question it. I was so sure my ex was the one, and I was so sure he would never hurt me like this.

If I ever find love again, how will I know if that person really is the one? I had no doubt in my mind that he was the one, in fact part of me still believes it, but how can I ever be sure of anything in a relationship if I was so certain last time and so wrong?

I too suffered from the same disease: believing in an unrealistic picture of “Love”.

The Concept Of “The One”

Since I was little, I believed in the concept of finding “the one”.

I knew exactly how this whole thing was going to play out: I would accidentally run into a beautiful and charming girl one fine day, (or maybe she would knock at my front door), look into her face and realize immediately that we were meant for each other. She would be “the one”. The following life together would be one of fulfillment and eternal love.

Heaven on earth in the arms of a woman.

Please take a look at the following little story from the ancient Greek about the origins of true love which I read long time ago:

The Origin of Love

There was Aristophanes’ Androgyny, Plato’s anecdote on the origins of love and mankind. The story recounts the primordial androgyny, mythical creatures with four arms, four legs and two heads. They epitomized completeness and were able to do almost anything. However, their pride in their abilities angered the gods and caused Zeus to cut them. Separated in two, they were destined to drift alone, empty and incomplete, longing for their former halves. For Plato, the androgyny is the symbol of wholeness, and the pursuit of it, is what love is.

Isn’t this beautiful? This story always fascinated me.

The problem here was that I took the whole thing too much to heart. I was looking for my missing half.

Did it worked out that way for me? Do I still believe in it, and does it have to be a bad thing doing so?

I will tell you in a minute.

First, I have a question for you: what do YOU think is the definition of true love, and is there such thing as “the one”?

Not so easy to answer, is it?

There is a scientific categorization from a renowned sociologist about the six types of love.

According to John Lee, there are six different types we can distinguish.

Six Types Of Love

1. The sexual love called “Eros”

The focus here is a sexual one where looks are more important than anything else. It is based on aesthetic enjoyment.
2. The love of the players called “Ludis”

These people tend to change partners frequently and are never attached to anyone. They like the game and the conquest.
3. The companionate love, the “Storge”

The warm and affectionate love you feel for a sibling or a best friend.
4. The obsessive love, the “Mania”

It’s an extreme form of love where the lover possesses the other completely and wants their partner’s attention constantly. This is usually driven by low self-esteem.
5. The love called “Pragma”

This type of love is realistic, the lovers are looking for a match referring to personality and values.
6. The altruistic love, the “Agape”

Unselfish as it is, it accepts people as who they are and does not try to change them without asking anything in return.

By looking at the list, you can easily assign what types of love you have felt in the past. Let me take a wild guess: Was it one of the first four?

“It’s Christmas time, there’s no need to be afraid”.

We all know this line from the song. It sounds good, and of course there is no reason to be afraid of “the most wonderful time of the year” is there? Unless you are alone, suffering from a recent break-up or divorce, facing your first holidays alone.

What used to be a feast of love spent together with your loved ones is now an experience of lingering sadness and depression. Like Hugh Grant’s character in About a Boy said: “I was going to spend this Christmas the way I usually did. Watching videos and getting drunk and stoned”.

Welcome to the holiday depression.

But wait!

I don’t want to paint that picture to you, because it’s simply not true. It doesn’t have to be this way. As a matter of fact you choose how it’s going to be.

The trick to surviving the holidays alone is to free yourself from the expectations and pictures of the past.

I used to spend quite a few holidays alone, and I survived them by shifting my own perception of what they should be: I took them as a few free days, where I could finally do something for myself that I always wanted to do, but never had the time for.

This is the key to survival.

It doesn’t mean that you have to betray the spirit of Christmas, (The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come will not hunt you down). I’m only suggesting that you replace the memories bound to the holidays regarding your Exes.

Make a list of all these things you’ve always wanted to do. Then make a schedule when you exactly plan to do them and stick to it.

The key is to not allow yourself to dwell on the past, or concentrate on what you don’t have. Think about the things and people around you that you do have in your life.

These are my tips for surviving the holidays alone.

You need more opinions?

Here are more useful thoughts on how to survive the holidays alone:

Sandra Kiume at “Psychcentral” mentions in her article 7 Ways to Deal with Holiday Grief ,(it’s about coping with the death of a loved one, but can also be used for break-up/divorce situations), that it’s important to realize that:

Things won’t be the same. It’s normal to feel at odds with yourself and family events when dealing with grief. Do not isolate, but limit involvement when you need to and plan new events.

Take care of yourself. Stress, depression and bodily neglect are not a great mix at any time of the year.

Think about building some new traditions. Remember that it’s okay not to do what you traditionally do. Planning something totally different is not an insult to the memory of a loved one and can be a positive way to ease some of the pressure.

Gretchen Rubin from “The Happiness Project” speaks of nine tips for lifting yourself out of the holiday blues. Some of these include:

3. Go outside to exercise.

6. Learn from the past.

7. Make time for real fun.

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen gives 5 tips for Surviving Christmas Depression, including:

2. Surviving Christmas Depression: Stay Active

3. Surviving Christmas Depression: Start New Traditions

The best article talking about this matter, in my opinion, is from Patty E. Fleener with How to Survive the Holidays. She gives 16 specific tips that she says she could have done when she was spending holidays alone. Some of these include:

1. Done something for someone else, such as volunteer at a soup kitchen, or visiting lonely shut-ins.

2. I could have looked for someone beforehand who might also be alone, to share the day with.

8. Read or watched TV – anything to get my mind off of the day.

10. Screamed into a pillow or ripped up newspaper if it made me feel better.

14. Paint your home or apartment. Do some project, especially if it is physical and can keep your mind busy. Pay your bills, write letters, etc.

There – you have some tips on how you can prepare yourself to not only survive these holidays, but come out of it with more hope and will to improve your life in the year to come.

It’s no shame to be alone at Christmas – take it as a further step on your journey to self-improvement and a better life.

If Hugh Grant did it in About a Boy, so can you.

Happy Holidays to you all and take care of yourself.

Your friend,

Eddie Corbano

Guess what?  She did it all again. Exactly the same way she did before.

While of course this is just a movie, it is true that when you reach a certain age, you tend to look back on your life and think about what you could have done better.

I turned 41 last year, would you believe it? I do not.

But I am happy with it.

It wasn’t always that way. There was a time when I was afraid of getting older. I had the feeling that time was my enemy, and that every day that passes I was losing something really important – an opportunity.

I was afraid of change.

As if getting older means losing your youth and vitality. It does not. Not if you don’t want it to. You can still start a new business, snowboard, jet ski, jump out of planes, date young women, climb the K2.

You can still do everything you want to – it only depends upon your will and determination.

It is my belief that with age, you win so much more.

Among other things, you gain wisdom and experience (note: this might not be applicable to everyone).

Along with this, sooner or later one important question arises:

If you look back at your time as a young adult, (for some of my readers this is not long ago), would you have done things differently with the experience you have now?

You certainly would.

One good friend of mine once said that when he looks back on his life, he only regrets things he has not done – he never regrets the things he did.

This is so true for me.

Having that in mind, I asked myself what I would have done differently back then, (and I’m going to come completely clean here).

Here they are – the 10 things I would do different if I were 18 again:

1. Fear would never stop me

Fear was a big problem for me back then. Additionally, I was extremely shy too and had low self-esteem, (believe it or not).

I was afraid of so many ridiculous things.

All of them irrational fears, which only accomplish one thing: they prevented me from growing and emerging.

All the things I would do better, (and am doing better now), were grounded in fear.

2. I would always march to a different drummer

Don’t be ordinary. Be different.

Don’t do the things that everybody is doing – think and act different. The world is full of ordinary people.

Only when you are different can you accomplish special achievements.

In order to be different, you have to be independent. More independence means mainly: do more things alone, depend less on others.

Independence is the key to many things in life. If I had been more independent, these irrational fears would have vanished with time.

3. I would learn to handle women, even then

If I had been a master in the dating game already, that would have spared me from a lot of trouble and frustration. Getting the relationship you want early will save you from regrets later.

There are simply some things and rules you have to learn in order to get the girl you like. Learning them the hard way, by trial and error can be arduous and frustrating. Especially when you are a shy person like I was.

You can never learn the rules of dating and seduction early enough, (kindergarten may be too early though).

4. Find out what kind of person I am

Know thyself.

This is a tough one of course. People try doing this their whole lives and still do not succeed.

If I had known the techniques for self-discovery and self-improvement back then, I would have taken the right path of knowing who I really am much earlier. This is a vital step in improving your self-esteem.

5. Get an education that corresponds to the person I am

I went to university and studied the subject my parents wanted me to. While this made my parents happy, it made me unhappy.

This is a big mistake. Everybody should choose the perfect field of study corresponding naturally to their skills and interests. This will set the ground for a fulfilled business life, (which is one part of being a happy person).

Remember the three pillars of happiness.

6. I would do crazy things more often

While this is definitely not for everybody, it would have been important for me.

I was a very serious person and didn’t know really how to have fun.

Doing enough crazy (legal) things and having fun when you are young will ensure that you are not doing them when it’s inappropriate.

“But we’re never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy”
—Seal

7. I would not have a long term relationship before 25

This is a big one for me personally.

I rushed into long term relationships when I was too young and too immature for it. This led into discontent on both sides, and prevented me from getting experience.

8. Find my dream and never let it go

What is your life-dream? What is your life-goal?

These are vital questions. Had I known how vital they are, I would have spent more time on finding and pursuing my dreams back then.

The problem is – you don’t really care when you are young. You have other problems. Investing time and energy in finding out what you REALLY want, and finding ways to get it is not normally on the priority list. There are too many distractions.

How important this really is, comes back to you when you find yourself alone after a break up or divorce.

9. I would have gone backpacking around the globe

Getting away from everything you know, leaving your comfort-zone, will help you to get more independent and will force you to enjoy many new experiences. Many unexpected opportunities will present themselves outside your comfort zone. I could give you a hundred examples.

Meeting unknown cultures and people is very important to broaden one’s horizon.

10. I would get a mentor

Having a person in your life, older and wiser than you, who will guide you with your life-goals is something very valuable.

There you have them, 10 things I would do different if I were 18 again.

Please keep in mind that those are my personal things I would do differently – most likely they are not for everyone.

Who knows how my life would be now if I had done all those things back then. I certainly am not complaining about where my life is now – it is great how it is. (I did eventually do all these things much later, so it’s never too late).

But I believe that I would have spared myself a lot of suffering if I had done these things right from the beginning.

Then again, we are who we are, and the experiences we had throughout our lives have made us – the good and the bad.

Would I go back again and do things different if I could?

Maybe. It’s a hypothetical question.

What’s not hypothetical is the fact that you can change your life anytime you want if you are not happy with it.

You do not even need a time machine for that. The power is in your own hands.

Your friend,

Eddie Corbano

(Photograph is a courtesy of cdedbdme)

I had a terrible September.

It started out with some bad person hacking my email account, and sending a spam mail to all my contacts which made me literally a spammer.

This happened two days before I was to go off on vacation. So you can imagine that this was quite a challenge.

The following vacation went wrong in every imaginable way, from the flight to the accommodation to the personal level.

It was a disaster.

Two weeks later, when I finally arrived back home – more drained than recovered – I learned that my email account had been deactivated for unknown reasons.

And if all of that wasn’t enough, on top of that I caught a terrible cold that confined me to bed for almost a week.

Now that was the moment when I was thinking: “Man, what else can go wrong this September?”

I had taken the road to negativity with no exit in sight.

Now, don’t get me wrong – I’m well aware that there are worse things that can happen to you – that’s not the point. The point is how small things can build up until you have the feeling that they are going to squash you.

Once we open the door for negative thinking, our human mind will find more and more reasons why our lives are so miserable. You can count on that.

That’s why it is very important that you never allow a negative mindset to build up.  This will most likely trigger more negative real-life experiences (Law of Attraction). I showed you some methods to accomplish this: The Negativity Switch and The Law of Attraction.

These two methods usually work very well for me, but there are times when they don’t seem to work. Sometimes it seems so much easier to capitulate to the negativity.

At times like this I take a different approach.

I talked about the importance of life goals before (How to Reach Any Goal, The Secret How to Get Over a Break Up).

Here’s how your life goals will help you to fight negative thinking:

I have two kinds of life goals: a business goal and a personal goal which I have written out in detail on index cards. On these cards, I use a vivid description and include some pictures. To be sure that I can always carry them with me, I had them laminated so that they are sturdy enough to be with me at all times.

So, every time I feel really down and I find it hard to escape the negative thinking process, I take them out and I visualize my goals from these cards.  I do that as vividly as possible.

After doing this for 10 minutes, I suddenly realize what I subconsciously already knew before: that all the problems I had been so focused on are really so minuscule, so unimportant.

Yes, they can be annoying and occupy some of your precious time, but they are irrelevant to the achievement of your life-goals.

Once I realize this, I begin to see these smaller problems as challenges, little tests of my ability to react and to adapt so that I can reach my goals faster.

“See every difficulty as a challenge, a stepping stone,
and never be defeated by anything or anyone.”

-Eileen Caddy (from ‘The Dawn of Change’)

There is always something to learn in dealing with our problems.

Sometimes there are important life-lessons which will ensure your survival in the future; and at other times it’s solely how to secure your own email account.

I hope you had a great September.

Your friend,

Eddie Corbano

P.S.: What do YOU do when those small things get to you? Please comment below!

The problems we have always seem so big, so unsolvable. What can help us here is a change of perspective: Your problem is perhaps someone else’s dream.

“There is always someone else who is suffering more than you do”, people used to tell me. I’ve never understood that.

How can someone else’s problems give me comfort?

Truth is: they can’t.

What GIVES us comfort is how people courageously endured and overcame their problems that are so bigger than our own.

This is what gives us hope, this is what makes us look at OUR problems differently.

The following video is a perfect example.

Randy Pausch reprized his famous “Last Lecture” in the Oprah Show.

I’m sorry to say that Randy Pausch died yesterday.

Please take a few minutes and watch this video. You won’t regret it.

Here are a few inspirational sayings and quotes from this video you SHOULD remember and internalize:

“Life is about achieving childhood dreams”

“I don’t choose to be an object of pity”

“Experience is what you get, when you don’t get what you want”

“Brick walls are there for a reason: they let us prove how badly we want things”

“Never underestimate the importance of having fun”

“My parents taught me about the importance of people vs. things”

“Decide if you’re Tigger or Eeyore”

“Live with integrity”

“A good apology has three parts: 1. I’m sorry! 2. It was my fault! 3. How do I make it right?”

“Wait long enough and people WILL show you their good side. Be patient”

“Show gratitude”

“Don’t complain; just work harder”

“If you live your life the right way, the Karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you”

If you are interested in watching the complete “Last Lecture”, here it is:

Thank you Randy, your courage and positive view on the world will continue to inspire and help people throughout the planet.

You will be remembered.

In Memoriam: Randy Pausch (1960-2008)

Eddie Corbano

Have you ever been at a point in your life where you have realized that you basically have all you need, but you are nevertheless not happy? Does this sound familiar?

It’s not that you’re miserable or anything, it’s just that something seems to be missing.

“Is that all that life has to offer me?”

I wish I’d been given a dime every time I have heard this question.

I realized many years ago that in order to be happy, you have to find fulfillment in the following three areas:

1. Love Life
2. Personal or Business Success
3. Physical Fitness

Pretty tough and challenging assignment, don’t you think?

Wouldn’t it be great if there was something you could do that would make your life happier NOW, even though you have not yet reached your goals in all of the three areas?

Well, there is something you can do.

I have collected 7 simple ideas over the years that have worked well for me, which you can apply to improve your life now and forever.

Some of these concepts are things you have to do actively – others require a change of mind, a different way of thinking.

If you implement all of them in your life and make them a daily routine; if you anchor them tight in your thinking, I will guarantee you: your quality of life WILL improve. As mine did.

It will make your life better and happier now, while you continue on your way to finding fulfillment in all 3 areas.

So here they are, the 7 small things that will help you to be happy now:

1. Find beauty in everything

When was the last time you enjoyed a sunset? Or a beautiful red rose? Or a poem? C’mon, don’t say it’s cheesy, just try it!

The key is to pause for a moment and find enjoyment in simple things. Allow that beauty to be appreciated, and joy flows through your body.

This will help you to focus on the moment and to live consciously. In meditation this is called “conscious awareness”.

Beauty is all around you, you just have to recognize it.

2. Be thankful

There are plenty of things in your life right now that you can be thankful for. Our main problem is that we take everything for granted too fast.

Make a list of at least 10 things that you can be thankful for, and really become conscious of them every day.

Being grateful everyday will help you focus on the positive aspects of life. It will be very useful, especially for people who tend to find negativity in everything.

3. Don’t judge and evaluate

This is a big one.

You will never believe what a heavy burden will be lifted from you if you simply stop judging and evaluating other people, situations or your own feelings.

Take the people around you as they are, don’t put them into categories like “good” or “bad”. Same goes for things or experiences that happen to you. There is no good or bad.

If you wreck your car, then it’s annoying at first, but who knows if something really good will come out of it. So the accident cannot be rated in any way.

Also, accept your feelings as they are – never judge them, this is VERY important.

We gain nothing if we judge people or situations. We can only lose and put an unnecessary weight upon our shoulders. Don’t do it.

I admit that it’s not easy to implement this kind of thinking, but I assure you it will improve your life tremendously.

4. Take part in sports

Find a sport you like and do it. It’s only important that it is physically intense, (chess might not be the wisest choice).

Body and mind are connected, so a healthy, well trained body will project a healthy mind. Everybody who works out knows this uplifting feeling you have after a good training. Not a lot of things come close to this feeling.

Get physical!

5. Learn to meditate

I cannot emphasize enough how meditation can benefit you in multiple ways.

Meditation is the BEST, if not the only way to find your inner-self and thereby your purpose in life.

It helps you to control your thoughts and to find real peace. Have you ever had a time in your life where you could sleep or rest as long as you wanted, but still not feel recovered?

Meditation will give you that peace.

6. Sometimes the easy way is the best

Have you ever been looking for a free parking lot in midtown, in front of a shop you wanted to visit? After half an hour of searching, you give up enervated and park a few minutes away where there is plenty of free space, but you’ll have to walk for 5 minutes?

Wouldn’t you have saved a lot of frayed nerves and time parking there in the first place?

Are you a penny pincher? Do you spend hours/days/weeks finding something 10 cents cheaper, whereas paying a little bit more for it would have saved you a lot of time and effort?

The point is: always consider your time and effort if you have to choose between two different ways of doing something.

Sometimes simple is the best.

7. Start each day positively

If you start your day positive and do not allow negativity to get a hold of you, then you will notice a change throughout the day. You will be calmer, more efficient and you will handle difficult situations much easier.

Positivity is the key for a happy life.

Bonus: Go to a Tommy Emmanuel concert

It doesn’t have to be Tommy Emmanuel, (but his concert was the most uplifting, joyful and inspiring concert I’ve ever seen). Go listen to some life music you like.

These are 7 principles I try to implement in my life daily. Sometimes it’s very easy living by them, sometimes not. But generally they improve my life tremendously. Just remember: endurance will bring you to success.

I bet you will then discover that life has a lot more to offer then you might think.

You friend,

Eddie

I would like to share with you what I’ve learned the last two weeks when I was tied to a hospital bed in agonizing pain.

I suffered for over 48 hours, from pain that was so overwhelming that all other reality was blurred out – until an emergency operation finally saved me from madness.

Pain so intense like that is absolute. It’s all there is. Another reality, another existence. You are all physical. Nothing left of your spiritual part, so it seems.

In fact, I tried all of the meditation techniques I knew, (and I am quite experienced with this), to get rid of the pain, but nothing worked.

So finally I gave up and surrendered to it.

Know what I’m talking about?

All there is, is pain

You know in moments like that, all you want is this pain to stop – you would do anything, take any medication. And behind all that, like a lurking giant, is this fear, the defeating fear that the pain will never end, that it will go on forever.

Unthinkable.

Would this be the case, I would have to kill myself, so I thought. Luckily, this was out of the question, (as it should always be), because the operation set things back to normal.

But what I experienced over those excruciating 48 hours, (besides that even the toughest narcotics had no impact on me), was something very interesting:

I observed that there are actually two different persons in me.

No, I’m not going nuts, and I’ve not developed a split personality.

The power within us

I actually observed that there was this one person that winded in pain like a worm, moaning over his terrible fate, and yet another one, a much stronger one. A personality, who doesn’t seem to be impacted by the whole thing: An almighty observer inside of me.

I know, I know, this really sounds crazy.

But it actually approves what I have read in many books: That there is a higher version of yourself inside of you.

It goes from the bible, to Freud, to “The Secret“.

A higher version of ourselves with the power of self-healing.

This was not the first time that I noticed the presence of this part of me, (and it WAS a part of ME). At times through a stroke of fate, when life really hit me hard – there it was, watching, observing, not judging, as it was sucking up life in all its facets.

I leave it to you how to call this part of you, if you WANT to give it a name, (and I know everyone of us has it inside of themselves, and its own definition if aware of it).

I am certain that this part of me could have healed me completely in a second, if only I had known how to make use of it.

I’m sure that there are people in the world who know how to do this. The internet is full of stories of spontaneous healings, and only heaven knows how much of them happen every day without anybody knowing about it.

All I know for now is that it’s there.

What I’ve learned

What I’ve learned in this two weeks is that no pain lasts forever, be it physical or emotional pain, and that we have the power in our own hands to heal ourselves, (of course, I knew all of this before, but an experience like this brings it more close to you).

To self-heal emotional pain that is torturing us, for example after a break up or a loss, seems much easier and there are many ways to approach this, (just take a look around this site).

To self-heal physical pain and diseases just by altering your state of mind seems to be A LOT more complex and is something humanity has yet to learn.

But, in what I absolutely believe in, is that we alone create our reality. And thereby will our inner emotional conflicts manifest themselves as illnesses. A logical conclusion here is that by solving these emotional conflicts, you can heal the illness.

All you would have to do is to get to the emotional core of this illness, resolve it and it will vanish.

There are really many books on this topic, which give a greater insight.

The book that comes to my mind first is, You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay, which is really a great book. Louise Hay healed herself from cancer by realizing her deepest emotional pain, her hatred against her father.

So, if you happen to be in emotional or physical pain, look out for that “almighty observer” in you – he might help you.

Some day we all WILL realize that to heal ourselves we do not have to go to a doctor, the power is already within us.

Of course, this is easier said than done, especially when the doctors cured you recently from killing pain.

If you have had similar thoughts or experiences or book recommendations on this matter, please feel free to share them in the comments section. Thanks.

Your friend,

Eddie Corbano

(Photograph is a courtesy of Ali K.)

When someone asks me what the secret to happiness is I always give the same answer: You have to find out for yourself.

Because I believe that what really matters is the process of finding it.

So you could say that the secret of happiness reveals itself to the one who pursues it – in an most individual way.

To someone it may be fame and fortune (although we are just witnessing on current examples that this doesn’t seem to work out). To others it’s success in their jobs, improving their relationships/family-life or simply improving themselves on a personal level.

What is the secret of happiness to you?

Let me tell you a little story.

It’s from the great book The Alchemist and it illustrates perfectly what is important when you pursue your happiness. Please take 2 minutes to read it, it’s really worth it:

A certain shopkeeper sent his son to learn about the secret of happiness from the wisest man in the world. The lad wandered through the desert for forty days, and finally came upon a beautiful castle, high atop a mountain. It was there that the wise man lived.

Rather than finding a saintly man, through, our hero, on entering the main room of the castle, saw a hive of activity: tradesmen came and went, people were conversing in the corners, a small orchestra was playing soft music, and there was a table covered with platters of the most delicious food in that part of the world. The wise man conversed with everyone, and the boy had to wait for two hours before it was his turn to be given the man’s attention.

The wise man listened attentively to the boy’s explanation of why he had come, but told him that he didn’t have time just then to explain the secret of happiness. He suggested that the boy look around the palace and return in two hours.“Meanwhile, I want to ask you to do something,” said the wise man, handing the boy a teaspoon that held two drops of oil.

“As you wander around, carry this spoon with you without allowing the oil to spill.”

The boy began climbing and descending the many stairways of the palace, keeping his eyes fixed on the spoon. After two hours, he returned to the room where the wise man was.

“Well”, asked the wise man, “did you see the Persian tapestries that are hanging in my dining hall? Did you see the garden that it took the master gardener ten years to create? Did you notice the beautiful parchments in my library?”

The boy was embarrassed, and confessed that he had observed nothing. His only concern had been not to spill the oil that the wise man had entrusted to him.

“Then go back and observe the marvels of my world,” said the wise man. “You cannot trust a man if you don’t know his house.”

Relieved, the boy picked up the spoon and returned to his exploration of the palace, this time observing all of the works of art on the ceilings and the walls, He saw the gardens, the mountains all around him, the beauty of the flowers, and the taste with which everything had been selected. Upon returning to the wise man, he related in detail everything he had seen.

“But where are the drops of oil I entrusted to you?” asked the wise man.

Looking down at the spoon he held, the boy saw that the oil was gone.

“Well, there is only one piece of advice I can give you,” said the wisest of wise men.

“The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon.”

The shepherd said nothing. He had understood the story the old king had told him. A shepherd may like to travel, but he should never forget about his sheep.

Isn’t this beautiful and poetic?

The biggest advantage of allegories is that a fundamental truth or law is wrapped by a lovely and memorable story. A technique that’s been used for thousands of years successfully.

The trick here is to find YOUR personal drops of oil and a way not to spill them, while enjoying all the beauties that surround you.

This can be a livelong journey, but it’s worth it.

What is your personal interpretation of happiness? Feel free to share it in the comments section below.

Your friend,

Eddie Corbano

Many of you may have had a rough time last year – going through a devastating break up or divorce. I know from personal experience that a new year is an excellent opportunity to draw a line through your “old life” and start a new one.

While New Year’s resolutions are actually a good thing, they alone cannot accomplish a change of attitude. What we need is a mental shift.

Why do people make New Year’s resolutions?

New Year’s resolutions are an annual ritual. They give us the opportunity to change what we do not like in our lives by “resetting” and starting all over again. A new year allows us to look back at bygones and consider them in the past. That’s why it’s easier to make a new start.

Sounds great, huh?

Actually this sounds great in theory, but there is a problem.

They rarely stick.

So, what to do? How do we know that we will not fall into the same old pattern again?

There is a way which can help you focus on your new goal. This can be used for all kinds of New Year’s resolutions, be it to heal from a break up or divorce, lose weight or quit smoking.

Why do people often abandon their resolutions?

The most common reason is that most people get very discouraged if they don’t see results very quickly. They think there efforts were useless and quit.

Another thing is that the goals were set too high, too early (this is true especially for a break up cure). It’s then simply too difficult and exhausting to reach them. How much easier is it then to wallow in self-pity, kill off a pound of chocolate or light that alluring cigarette?

Sometimes it’s so much easier to procrastinate until tomorrow than to work on ourselves today.

What we need is some guidance on how to effectively set and execute our New Year’s resolutions.

Listed below, I have collected some tips for making a New Year’s resolution and ideas on how to make them actually stick, so that you can profit the most from them.

Here are 5 Tips for better New Year’s resolutions:

1. Make an action plan

Make a list of all the things you hated last year. What has made you feel discontent last year? What is it you don’t like about your life? Where is there really a problem? How can you change it?

You will find help regarding overcoming a break up or divorce or relationship problems on this site.

Make a plan on how you will proceed. Lay out in detail all the steps you want to take. The more precise, the better.

2. Your goals must be realistic

Setting the goals too high will only harm you. You cannot lose 50 pounds in a week the healthy way, and you cannot start dating a week after your break up.

It is very important that you set goals that you can actually reach, only then will you not get frustrated and quit.

This is actually very tricky: it is very difficult to estimate if a goal is reachable or not. Business goals are usually set very high, personal development goals are set low then adjusted with time.

3. Use a carrot and no stick

If you were disciplined and completed all the tasks in time, then reward yourself. If on the other hand you were not successful,, then do not beat yourself up. Allow yourself to be imperfect. Beware: do not use an imperfection for an excuse to quit. Just move on.

4. Make the tasks appealing

If you really don’t feel like getting up early for exercise, making affirmations or whatever your goal is, then focus on something that you like about it. In every difficult and maybe boring task you can find one small element which is interesting, particularly for you.

Hold on to that part. Make it appealing. This will motivate you even if you don’t feel like it today.

5. Take action every single day

Persistence and discipline are the guarantee for success. Just do it. Complete the task you’ve set in number 1 and don’t think about it. The more you argue about it, the more reasons you will find to not take action.

New Year’s resolutions are a very recommendable way to start a new year. They can help you a lot – don’t dismiss them as useless. With discipline and persistence you can change the things you don’t want in your life and take a step further towards a happy and fulfilling life.

For that I wish you all the best and a Happy New Year.

Your friend,

Eddie