Comments on: Dealing With Anger After A Break Up – Part 1/3 http://lovesagame.com/dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1 Learn how to survive a break up, rediscover your true self and find Mr/s Right Wed, 08 Feb 2012 12:27:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: Elliott http://lovesagame.com/dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-7090 Elliott Wed, 21 Apr 2010 02:47:50 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1/#comment-7090 Well, actually yes, I had some anger in me a few months ago. Going through a tough break up, I eventually diverted that anger toward myself because I got sick of myself for being such a wimp and suffering for a girl who absolutely doesn't deserve me. I got a little help from a friend of mine in the process. He gave me a similar motivational speech and literally kicked me in the butt and made me set my mind into right direction. It's amazing how a change of attitude can make the recovery so much quicker. There are many good examples around us, I found a lot of useful advice on this site too, so I'm just trying to spread the positive experience with whomever needs it. Sometimes it must be presented in a crude and unpleasant manner, just as sometimes there is no smooth way to get over a break up. I hope it helps somebody, as I am thankful to all of you people who helped me when I needed it. Cheers Elliott Well, actually yes, I had some anger in me a few months ago. Going through a tough break up, I eventually diverted that anger toward myself because I got sick of myself for being such a wimp and suffering for a girl who absolutely doesn’t deserve me. I got a little help from a friend of mine in the process. He gave me a similar motivational speech and literally kicked me in the butt and made me set my mind into right direction.

It’s amazing how a change of attitude can make the recovery so much quicker. There are many good examples around us, I found a lot of useful advice on this site too, so I’m just trying to spread the positive experience with whomever needs it. Sometimes it must be presented in a crude and unpleasant manner, just as sometimes there is no smooth way to get over a break up.

I hope it helps somebody, as I am thankful to all of you people who helped me when I needed it.

Cheers
Elliott

]]> By: Eddie Corbano http://lovesagame.com/dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-6927 Eddie Corbano Wed, 07 Apr 2010 05:38:58 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1/#comment-6927 Dear Elliot, Although your assessment of Sam's character is quite right, Sam is just a regular guy with flaws and faults and his story is happening every day all over the globe. Was it wrong that he wanted his family to stay together so badly? Having said that, the point of the article was how easy and destructive it is to be consumed by anger, not necessarily the moral implications of cheating. Anger has some benefit in the beginning, but with time it can destroy you. I also sense some anger in you, am I right? Your friend, Eddie Dear Elliot,

Although your assessment of Sam’s character is quite right, Sam is just a regular guy with flaws and faults and his story is happening every day all over the globe.

Was it wrong that he wanted his family to stay together so badly?

Having said that, the point of the article was how easy and destructive it is to be consumed by anger, not necessarily the moral implications of cheating.

Anger has some benefit in the beginning, but with time it can destroy you.

I also sense some anger in you, am I right?

Your friend,
Eddie

]]> By: Elliott http://lovesagame.com/dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-6920 Elliott Tue, 06 Apr 2010 15:04:57 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1/#comment-6920 So, this guy catches his wife cheating on him with his best friend, then tries to forgive her and gives her 'a second chance', and in the end he blames her for dumping him? Sam showed total lack of integrity and self respect and is the sole person to blame for his misfortune. I mean, this woman shows her true character by cheating on him, and even though it's obvious she has no loyalty, no integrity and no love and respect for her husband (if you are a stable and sane person you don't cheat on anyone, let alone a person you love and respect), Sam decides to remain together with such a traitorous person and gives her a second chance, another chance to stab him in the heart that is. It's not her fault for being such an unquality and immoral person and she's not to be punished for that, because that's just the way some people are, not everyone is honest. All blame is on Sam, and it's on himself that he should be angry. He should grow a pair, develop some self-confidence and self-esteem, stop blaming other people, and take responsibility for his own life and happiness. As for their daughter, he contradicts himself. First he choses to preserve their marriage for the sake of their kid (which in my opinion was just an excuse because he was too weak and too needy to break-up), then after the woman dumps him (which was inevitable because even if she had any respect left for him she lost it when he showed no strenght and basically forgave her when she did such a terrible thing to him) he swear that his beloved daughter will never have a happy day with her mother. Way to go pal! If he wasn't such a selfish and insecure sap, he would have divorced his wife the same day he caught her in bed with another guy. And by doing that he would also have given his kid a good example and a lesson of positive moral values in life, such as that cheating is wrong and that you can't do bad things and get away with it. So, this guy catches his wife cheating on him with his best friend, then tries to forgive her and gives her ‘a second chance’, and in the end he blames her for dumping him? Sam showed total lack of integrity and self respect and is the sole person to blame for his misfortune. I mean, this woman shows her true character by cheating on him, and even though it’s obvious she has no loyalty, no integrity and no love and respect for her husband (if you are a stable and sane person you don’t cheat on anyone, let alone a person you love and respect), Sam decides to remain together with such a traitorous person and gives her a second chance, another chance to stab him in the heart that is.
It’s not her fault for being such an unquality and immoral person and she’s not to be punished for that, because that’s just the way some people are, not everyone is honest. All blame is on Sam, and it’s on himself that he should be angry. He should grow a pair, develop some self-confidence and self-esteem, stop blaming other people, and take responsibility for his own life and happiness.
As for their daughter, he contradicts himself. First he choses to preserve their marriage for the sake of their kid (which in my opinion was just an excuse because he was too weak and too needy to break-up), then after the woman dumps him (which was inevitable because even if she had any respect left for him she lost it when he showed no strenght and basically forgave her when she did such a terrible thing to him) he swear that his beloved daughter will never have a happy day with her mother. Way to go pal! If he wasn’t such a selfish and insecure sap, he would have divorced his wife the same day he caught her in bed with another guy. And by doing that he would also have given his kid a good example and a lesson of positive moral values in life, such as that cheating is wrong and that you can’t do bad things and get away with it.

]]> By: joe blessing http://lovesagame.com/dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-5356 joe blessing Thu, 24 Sep 2009 19:05:20 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1/#comment-5356 Eddie, it seems to me that you are saying that our anger is unjustified and the reasons for them not true. Why wouldn’t we be angry for someone who told us they loved us, cheating on us or leaving us and saying, “Oh yeah all that stuff before I said, I was wrong. I don’t love you, and we shouldn’t be together?” I mean come on. Sometimes there is a legitimate reason to be mad. I was in my relationship for 7yrs, and I can’t count the times she said, you are the one for me. And now its like we never even went together. Why should I not be angry, how could I not be? Even if my self-esteem did not take a hit, its not like missing a movie time. And I do believe that we are not meant to be alone. It’s not even the way we are made. So yes, there is a degree of happiness we cannot reach by ourselves. That is just how humans are. And when you find someone that matches you, it should piss you off that they abandon you, only to go look for someone else with the same damn attributes that you had, or worse, dating someone worse for them, than you. AND YOU KNOW THAT HAPPENS A LOT Eddie, it seems to me that you are saying that our anger is unjustified and the reasons for them not true. Why wouldn’t we be angry for someone who told us they loved us, cheating on us or leaving us and saying, “Oh yeah all that stuff before I said, I was wrong. I don’t love you, and we shouldn’t be together?” I mean come on. Sometimes there is a legitimate reason to be mad. I was in my relationship for 7yrs, and I can’t count the times she said, you are the one for me. And now its like we never even went together. Why should I not be angry, how could I not be? Even if my self-esteem did not take a hit, its not like missing a movie time.

And I do believe that we are not meant to be alone. It’s not even the way we are made. So yes, there is a degree of happiness we cannot reach by ourselves. That is just how humans are. And when you find someone that matches you, it should piss you off that they abandon you, only to go look for someone else with the same damn attributes that you had, or worse, dating someone worse for them, than you. AND YOU KNOW THAT HAPPENS A LOT

]]> By: Barb http://lovesagame.com/dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-5095 Barb Tue, 11 Aug 2009 03:44:08 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1/#comment-5095 I am really confused by the anger described in the article. So I'll share a short version of my story. I had a male friend for 10 years. I recently went through a divorce and he asked me out and I accepted. By the 2nd date I knew something was wrong or missing (clashing, no real attraction, no sparks) so I communicated my hesitation toward dating him. He wanted to work through it anyway. The same thing happened on the following 4 or 5 dates. I would get home from the date, I would call him and tell him what went wrong on the date and that I didn't think it was working out, being as gentle as possible. He would want to work it out and change for me. Finally I had to just break up with him because I knew this would go no where. He sent me a somewhat nasty email and I replied very politely, explaining that I never wanted to hurt my friend of 10 years but that we could not continue. We were not meant to be together. He didn't respond after that. Being a caring friend, I sent him a quick email 1 week later. I only asked him if we were still friends and that if he didn't respond I would take the hint... He replied with some very hurtful remarks, telling me to "F off, you self centered B****, you knew what would happen all along". Like I had planned on hurting him. What I do not understand is WHY is he so mad at me? We only dated for a month and a half, yet he is so hurt and angry. He says I hurt him more than any girl ever has. How is that possible? I just want to be his friend, like we were in the past. He's had only one LTR before that ended up being short lived. He is dumped every time. I feel bad for him but what can I do. It was a mistake to date him because I really hurt him in the process, and I feel really bad for that. Now I'm not sure if there is anything I can do to help him. I am really confused by the anger described in the article.
So I’ll share a short version of my story.
I had a male friend for 10 years. I recently went through a divorce and he asked me out and I accepted. By the 2nd date I knew something was wrong or missing (clashing, no real attraction, no sparks) so I communicated my hesitation toward dating him. He wanted to work through it anyway. The same thing happened on the following 4 or 5 dates. I would get home from the date, I would call him and tell him what went wrong on the date and that I didn’t think it was working out, being as gentle as possible. He would want to work it out and change for me.
Finally I had to just break up with him because I knew this would go no where.
He sent me a somewhat nasty email and I replied very politely, explaining that I never wanted to hurt my friend of 10 years but that we could not continue. We were not meant to be together. He didn’t respond after that.
Being a caring friend, I sent him a quick email 1 week later. I only asked him if we were still friends and that if he didn’t respond I would take the hint… He replied with some very hurtful remarks, telling me to “F off, you self centered B****, you knew what would happen all along”. Like I had planned on hurting him.
What I do not understand is WHY is he so mad at me? We only dated for a month and a half, yet he is so hurt and angry. He says I hurt him more than any girl ever has. How is that possible? I just want to be his friend, like we were in the past.
He’s had only one LTR before that ended up being short lived. He is dumped every time. I feel bad for him but what can I do. It was a mistake to date him because I really hurt him in the process, and I feel really bad for that. Now I’m not sure if there is anything I can do to help him.

]]> By: Luisa http://lovesagame.com/dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-4134 Luisa Wed, 14 Jan 2009 19:31:11 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1/#comment-4134 Anger typically hides pain, and in turn, pain hides fear. Anger typically hides pain,
and in turn, pain hides fear.

]]> By: 1JadedHeart http://lovesagame.com/dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-3407 1JadedHeart Sat, 13 Sep 2008 04:53:08 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1/#comment-3407 2 years ago I finalized my divorce, ending my 20 year marriage. It was a difficult marriage, full of verbal and emotional abuse from an financially irresponsible spouse. There was plenty for me to leave angry about. Going through the divorce presented plenty of opportunities to get angry and I had my share of angry feelings. But, I realized I had a choice. I did not have to be angry and if I was it was because I chose to. I decided I did not want to live my life feeling that way and consciously chose not to allow the anger to get the best of me. This is not to say that there were not times I did not get mad, because I did. But then, I let that anger go within a very short time. For me, this was one of the best decisions I ever made. Even though there were some injustices in the divorce, I am completely at peace knowing that it was the right thing to do. 2 years ago I finalized my divorce, ending my 20 year marriage. It was a difficult marriage, full of verbal and emotional abuse from an financially irresponsible spouse. There was plenty for me to leave angry about. Going through the divorce presented plenty of opportunities to get angry and I had my share of angry feelings. But, I realized I had a choice. I did not have to be angry and if I was it was because I chose to. I decided I did not want to live my life feeling that way and consciously chose not to allow the anger to get the best of me. This is not to say that there were not times I did not get mad, because I did. But then, I let that anger go within a very short time. For me, this was one of the best decisions I ever made. Even though there were some injustices in the divorce, I am completely at peace knowing that it was the right thing to do.

]]> By: Nerds Do It Better » 100+ Resources to Get You Through a Break Up http://lovesagame.com/dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-2160 Nerds Do It Better » 100+ Resources to Get You Through a Break Up Thu, 05 Jun 2008 17:57:18 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1/#comment-2160 [...] Dealing With Anger After a Break Up: This three-part series will help you deal with anger in a healthy, responsible way. [...] [...] Dealing With Anger After a Break Up: This three-part series will help you deal with anger in a healthy, responsible way. [...]

]]> By: Elena http://lovesagame.com/dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-2111 Elena Thu, 29 May 2008 09:59:33 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1/#comment-2111 I'm going through the pain of breakup now. I had the urge to write all those dreadful mails to my ex, and in fact i did write about 20 e-mails - but i saved them all in "drafts", because that's how i verbalized my feelings. To him, I only sent a mail saying how I felt, but without any blames. I just said that it was extremely tough for me, but that I respected his choice, and understood that he definitely had serious reasons to take that decisions. I think it's important not to humilate yourself and the other person, no matter how much it hurts. It will backfire on you later. Respect - and it will be easier to move on, I hope it will work for me at least. I’m going through the pain of breakup now. I had the urge to write all those dreadful mails to my ex, and in fact i did write about 20 e-mails – but i saved them all in “drafts”, because that’s how i verbalized my feelings. To him, I only sent a mail saying how I felt, but without any blames. I just said that it was extremely tough for me, but that I respected his choice, and understood that he definitely had serious reasons to take that decisions. I think it’s important not to humilate yourself and the other person, no matter how much it hurts. It will backfire on you later. Respect – and it will be easier to move on, I hope it will work for me at least.

]]> By: Rosie http://lovesagame.com/dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-1690 Rosie Tue, 08 Apr 2008 02:28:36 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/dealing-with-anger-after-a-break-up-part-1/#comment-1690 Very measured response Eddie! You are quite right. It did eat me up and it took a year to stabilise. Another interesting point though - maybe you've written about that. I didn't know the man all that well - I mean, how would I after a couple of days. He seemed very sweet - he probably is most of the time. Cornering someone though and pushing a person to their limits really tells you something about their true character. It satisfied my psychological curiosity to see how he reacted. And it actually helped to get over it, because he 'underperformed'. But it's not for everyone. I have a reasonably aggressive style when I sense cowardice and selfishness that's 'way out'. But your website is very interesting!!! Very measured response Eddie! You are quite right. It did eat me up and it took a year to stabilise. Another interesting point though – maybe you’ve written about that. I didn’t know the man all that well – I mean, how would I after a couple of days. He seemed very sweet – he probably is most of the time. Cornering someone though and pushing a person to their limits really tells you something about their true character. It satisfied my psychological curiosity to see how he reacted. And it actually helped to get over it, because he ‘underperformed’. But it’s not for everyone. I have a reasonably aggressive style when I sense cowardice and selfishness that’s ‘way out’. But your website is very interesting!!!

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