what if you are past the first 3 stages n yet still think about them alot? what if you cant completely erase them from your life?? how are you suppossed to manage to life your own life n block that person/their negativity away from you? i broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years about 4 months ago and i was pretty strong b/c i had gotten through the depression, anxiety and was loving my independence. but now i find myself thinking about him & all the good memories all over again. this i holding me back from even trying to make new friends. how can i trust people again & get back to jus being meeee in the "independence stage"?? i know these are alot of questions but i just tried to sum up the confusion & frustration im feeling to get some good advice :)

Hi Eddie,

I just want to say how grateful I am for this site and for your advice!! My boyfriend of one year broke up with me two weeks ago, and since then I've been hurting like hell and couldn't understand why. All I was thinking was how I wanted him back, even if I knew perfectly well that I wasn't happy in the relationship and had been considering breaking up myself for a while. Thanks to your advice I am finally beginning to realise that this was panic and fear of being alone, and I can accept that it's over. I also realise why I've constantly been in relationships for the past 8 years, and that I have to take some time to get to know myself again. I know it's going to take a while before I feel completely fine, but your coaching is just great!! Thank you for doing something so important and helping so many people! I wish you all the best.

So this girl was my first everything, my first intense relationship, my first love, my first time, everything. I started to ask her some questions that you shouldn’t ask and I found that she did not love me and was not sure if she ever did; I was naive enough to believe when she told me she will love me no matter what happens between us. She’s moved on to another guy in less than a week and that makes me feel like I was nothing. I told her that having her around wasn't good for me. That we should end all communication, I also told her that I would talk to her on her birthday and if she ever needs me she shouldn’t hesitate to talk to me. I told her I loved her in the end and she didn’t say anything just smiled. She told me all of these sweet things and retracted each one. Saying she moved on and I should too.

I feel my experience is somewhat unique in that I did phase 1 and 2 in the opposite order. Her reason was that she didn't know what she wanted and just didn't feel the strong feelings for me blah blah after 6 years, so I didn't fully accept that I lost her, and instead became depressed before even accepting what had happened. After visiting her at her farm and talking for a week I am now trying to accept that she is actually gone. The hardest part is that in the last weeks I have made every change that she had wanted me to change over the last 6 years ( stop smoking pot, stop biting my nails, excersise more, eat healthier, be happier, be more motivated, be driven and goal orriented) but I obviously made the necessary changes in my life just a bit too late, as I used to have every excuse in the book about why I couldnt change, until that slap in the face came around.

Hi i havent had the chance to seek help from other people about my break up, but it happened 5 days ago, he broke up with me over facebook!!!!
He is in another country and its hard enough as it is. I am absolutley devostated and im so lost.
It feels like mo whole world is going down around me. We were together for nearly 3 years.

Please help!

Do you feel after 3 months you are over it. I want to know for my situation

I really learned a lot from the article, my wife just left me 3 weeks ago, about one week prior to me having major surgery. The day of my surgery she proceeded to tell me had been with someone else. We have two children together, from 1yrs. Old to 3yrs and with me not working right doing rehab, now I am able to watch the kids while she works. So I guess what I'm asking is how do I start going through the steps when I see her everyday and all I can think about is us and our family and the good times together. Thank you for the good advice.

@Eddie Corbano - O wow, i know that all to well. I'm 18 and me and my ex dated for 4 years, we moved in together when we were 17( WHAT was i thinking) and i found this site 2 days after we broke up and after a month i felt fantastic, i wasn;t even going up and down, then we met up, talked for like an hour... boom i felt the same way i did when she broke up with me minus the panic. and now i feel im going through the motions again.

I've gone through acceptance & going through derpression.
Luckily I had the help of a close friend who has gone through this exact thing 8 years ago and has recently married the love of his life for the last 7 years. So I know it's possible to move on.

I love the part about kicking your ex from her pedistal.
I never realized I was putting her up there.
Once kicked down it doesn't seem as bad a loss.
I only focused on the ONE bad thing she did & not her other faults had been accepting (not easily or without problems) over the course of our 9 year marriage.
I couldn't imagine my "Angel" doing this to me but now that I think of all the things that take her off her pedistal she doesn't look so angelic anymore.
The part about facing them is probably true but I've been facing her the whole time since we are being civil in our divorce & not fighting over anything.

She also has answered just about every question I ever asked her.
This is good for closure/peace of mind.
She didn't understand why I asked what I did but I explained that I was driving myself crazy trying to wonder how & what happened.
I hate secrets & told her she owed me answeres.
I do warn anyone thinking about asking for details because you might not be able to handle the answers.

Friends really help.
I'm in the process of reaching out myself.

Well the guy i was dating, started to see another woman while my dad was dying in the hospital. I didnt have enough time to spend with him since I had to look after my dad. He then avoided me at all costs during the time I needed him most.

He would call occasionally but seldom asked how I was doing or about my dad. Actually one time he said "I don't care about how you are feeling" and I was like "seriously??". Now that I look back he was a real jerk and not worthy of my love.

I tried to get a confrontation out of him just so we could talk out what really happened and for me to tell him He was an ass and to wish him the best...but he wouldn't commit to doing so . I got the message and made up my mind that, that was it.

He had photos up with him and this girl I knew on facebook and yet he said she was not his woman etc...damn liar. This guy hurt me deep and at the worst time ...during the grieving period for my father...I severed contact with an occasional text or email (nothing personal at all) because I am a christian and i still wanted to show love. However it really did hurt so everything is over now.

I was way too into him and come to think of it way too good for him too...it was time to break free ...there really is better out there. We just need to be patient and wait.

Thankyou so much for this article. I just found out a horrible detail about what my ex had been doing behind my back, and was overwhelmed with anger. I had so many questions and "why?" s and "F**K YOU" s.
I literally felt like that crazy girl who throws plates at her ex's head. I was ready to drive to his house and beat the shit out of him. Thank god my phone was nowhere in sight or I would have broken the no contact rule (it's been 10 days) and screamed down the phone and humiliated myself.

Instead:
I used the punching bag, then dissolved into tears of sheer relief.
I'm still angry, but it's not overwhelming like before and I'm sure a few more punching bag sessions will being me closer to peace.

ask me Sarah. until a few days back, i was the luckiest guy on earth with a perfect girlfriend cum would-be-wife and an acutely planned future. but this break-up took its toll on me. she, all of a sudden, became a bit too mature. more than what was needed. now she says she doesn't see a future in this relationship. would you beat that... this revelation is coming on her after 3 years of being together. I had planned my entire life according to her wishes and needs. now where should I go? to whom? with what?

Please someone help me!!! I feel like I am going to loose my mind... I have tried but I just want to know WHY?? please ??

You know what ? You should seriously chuck him. Start the no contact rule. Start ignoring him. Remove him form facebook (if you have afb account) , Delete him from your contact list. Don't ever call him or text him. Just be like you didnt come across him at all in your life.
All you have to do is... IGNORE him !
It really works. Trust me. :)
Take care.
Love.
Later.
Here's my ID if at all you require: rasvanthi.reddy@hotmail.com

is been almost 7 months now, after he dumped me and i had broke the non-contact rule almost 10 times and every time i due it's worst, but i just can't understand why i still thinking about him and feeling bad and everything, if he is not the kind of guy i want next to me......... i guess everything will make sense later!

@jvrie -

I am so sorry to hear that,I know EXACLTY how you feel dont worry girlie you're gonna be okay just give it time at night instaed of thinikinngg watch one of your fav moviee till you get exhausted that way you dont end up tjhinking of him. Girl look at hte brightside of it!! if he;'s stupid enough to hurt youu he isnt worth itt you're so much valuablee than he'll EVER bee

heLLo.. =')
me & my boyfriend broke up a month ago.
we've been together 4 almost 7 months,
i know 8s not dat long compare to others experiences.
but why do i feel so much pain.


i thout breaking up w/ him can lessen the pain and gvs me relief.
but why do i suffer more ?

it really hurts to see he's doing well while im suffering.. crying ol nyt. :( and thinking of him ol d tym. T_T

i know i should accept and face the fact.
i know that im too young
i know that there's a lot of boys out dr i cn find some1 better,
some1 who deserve me
some1 who will love me 4 hu i am
some1 who will accept me
some1 who will never leave me...

but why do i can't 4get him
why do i feel sooo much sadness

why i want him back.

i really3 do want him back.

bt 8 seems dat he don't like & love me anymore.

he don't even communc8 2 me.

it really2 hurts to see dat we're both online but he dont even pm me. shud i do d 1st move? =(

i already send him a priv8 msg b4... bt he didn't reply.

he deleted ol my comments and msgs to him.

what should i do?
pls help me

should i tell him dat i still love him???
what if he wl reject me? :( like wat he did to her ex girlfriend? T_T

or should i 4get him?
time heals as what dy always says.

i really3 want to forget dis feelings . now .
i cnt w8 4 dt tym to cum.
i want to be HAPPY again.

i did my best. i kept my self busy & enjoying my self w/ my friends.
bt when im, alone i cant help it bt cry :'(
d more i 4get him d more i think of him.

='(

T_T

i'm tired crying...

I get where your coming from, though I was with my boyfriend for 2 years and the last 6 months was hell! He gave up on us, though he and his actions were the root causes of our arguements... Its day 2 of our break up and what sucks is he is partying away in the city in a hotel room tonight because its his birthday party while im suffering, he didnt care about my feelings, so all in all you have to realise, HE DOES NOT WANT YOU BACK, Im not saying that in an angry tone but just trying to emphaise the fact that you trying to get in contact with him lets him know he still has control over you, why should he have control over you when he broke your heart? He obviously is not worth your time and energy, I understand its hard but on day 2 of my break up, I am going through the depression stage and though I want to go over to hotel room tonight and fucking kill him (excuse my language) I know getting revenge will just hurt me more... He broke up with me ovr the phone and text, he didnt have the guts to do it face to face, I thought we were so in sync and strong but he changed and your have to remeber its his fault not yours!! Hun you have to delete him off your PM list pronto, you will NEVER get over him if you don't remove all the things that remind you of him, your just hurting yourself! I did that as soon as we broke up, even crying when deleting the pictures and messages, but be fair to yourself! You at least deserve that much!

@everyone guess what...karma is a b***h! Hehehehe. All these losers will get theirs! I keep thinking that the universe has better plans for me. And so the guy that dumped me will end up in a loveless, sexless and joyless relationship..

I have broke up with my girlfriend 5 years ago and i still can get over her.. i see her as the perfect one.. i have been in other realtionships but that has not made it any better. another thing that makes it tough is that we have a daughter so i can't avoid seeing her... i mean i hardly talk to her and I only see her when I see my daughter.. I know i was the one who screwed over but its tough!!

My boyfriend broke up with me last friday and i went through the mourning stage, but i rarely cried after it being nearly two years. I'm ready to try to not make it awkward and be friends, but he keeps yelling at me, and won't let me talk to him, because my best friend keeps interfering, and its pissing me off frankly. Now my ex and i have been great friends before and i know he's really nice... but even if i retracted all my friends he'd still be mad.

Should I try to talk to him and see what is bugging him, besides the obvious with my friend?

I would not give that guy the time of day! Sounds like he's still upset about the break up even if he did do it he might think its a mistake. I'm assuming the reason you guys broke up was the fights?? I'd say forget about him and when he starts yelling at you don't talk back or even try just walk away with the satisfaction that you are obviously way better then him. He'll notice how his yelling isn't phasing you the way he'd wish it would and might try the more matture approach, like a conversation. You have to be strong and fight the urge no matter what he says to you though.

Wow. After an 8 month relationship, I just got broken up with. I got a DM on Twitter (worse than a text message). Saying she thought her (abusive, manipulative) ex husband would make her happier than I would.

We'd been together 12 hours previously (we're in a long distance relationship), and she'd been distant all week... so I guess I know why now.

After we parted, I tried to call her to tell her I loved her. No answer. Tried to call her from the airport. No answer. Tried to call her when I got home. No answer. At midnight, breakup DM.

It's 2 days later, and I have no idea how I'll ever get over this. Mostly it's the total lack of closure. Of why. Of what went wrong (the trip was great besides her distance, which I chalked up to her work). Of what I did. Of why she couldn't TALK to me, even via EMAIL, or a VOICEMAIL.... a 100 character breakup message, followed by silence?

I've finally moved to the point where I'm no longer calling her. I've realized it wasn't an accident, nor was it her ex, since she's been silent for 36 hours. She did actually break up. While I feel a huge need to get drunk, I'm not going to call anymore. I have no idea why it happened or what to do, but I'm at least going to have enough self respect to not beg.

I hope.

Gawd.

@stephanie - please get in touch and let me know how you are gettign on, Sharon x

Reading all of these comments have helped me feel not so alone. My boyfriend lived with me for 2 years. I had never let myself trust or love anyone before him. From the beginning, he told me repeatedly that i needed to trust him and stop being insecure and I did. I believed we would always be together and love each other no matter what. From the beginning, if we got into an argument he would leave and not take my calls. He would say he was never coming back but after a day or two, he always did. He did that about 5 times in 2 years. The last time he did it was 4 months ago. He told me he would never come back and that i needed to focus on myself. After a week, he came back. He said that being without me didnt feel 'normal' for him. He said that he couldn't imagine his life with out me. Then, he lost his job. I've been financially and emotionally supporting him for 4 months. I did my best to keep his self esteem up. We got along better and argued less than we had for the 20 months before. I was really truly happy and felt at peace. Then, Saturday before last, i went to my neices birthday and he called and said he was leaving. He hasn't spoken to me sence. I have emailed him and he has only responded to 3 of my emails. Each time, he has said i need to move on and get over him. He said he is never comming back and he has things he needs to accomplish. In his last email, he told me he has "been where I am" and he know's it hurts, but i've got to let go. He said he couldn't be "everything" to some one. I told him that he wasn't everything to me, but he was everything i wanted in a man.
I'm just in such incredible shock. I don't understand how some one can just shatter the life of someone they supposedly loved.

@MS -

Dear MS,

You are on the right path - if you have already realized that this relationship is not bringing you happiness, but only hurt, it would be a big mistake to close your eyes for the truth and 'try to make things work' - because for this, it takes both people involved in the relationship, and as you have explained here, the other person is not committed to that. I realize that your emotional attachment to him makes breaking up so difficult and painful. But you know that if you remain in the relationship, you will never be truly happy and truly loved by this person. And you deserve your own happiness, and you deserve to be loved. The only way to achieve those is to break up, heal and move on. You have to believe that there is something better for you over there, and a brighter future ahead. You deserve to be happy. Go for it.

If someone doesn't want to be with you, there is nothing you can do or say to make them stay. - I know this NOW~ I have been living with my boyfriend for over a year. He was a stock broker and due to the current situation had lost it all. I had helped him get into a place by signing a lease (since his credit was beyond bad) stood by his side and always comforted him in any decisions he made. I might have been a little controlling with some issues regarding the cleanliness i liked the house-or the fact that its NOT ok to go out with your friends thinking you're a single guy. And the major one was that i do not tolerate lies-whatever you do-dont lie....just didnt know i was dealing with a pathological liar.
He has recently started a new job (which i was happy for him). I thought this would finally be a turning page to the bad experiences that we had gone through within the last 2 yrs. I had lost my job and have unfortunately been in the dumps in all aspects of my life... so if anything I was excited for the change. Well, just 4 days into the job and making a lot of money-his attitude completely changes. He decides to not come home one night, the following day he calls and tell me that he will be home-but then threatens that 'if i dont want to be home-i dont have to...stop being a nag'. I had just recently called a number on his phone that belonged to a girl he had met on a plane-which was contacting him to hook him up with her single friends since he told her that he was 'taking applications'- I had put her on speakerphone so he would listen-but it didnt even shake him. In his mind he did nothing wrong-and that there are two sides to every story. So thats was the way that I was beginning my week with him-on Monday he starts the new job...everything is going as normal as it can (i am still deeply bothered and hurt) and by Thurs he texts me at 930 to tell me that he will be staying with a friend bc its late, tired, and doesnt want to commute an hour to come home. I got upset-but by the next morning had no chance but to move on and for my own sanity give him the benefit of the doubt. Now Friday is here-at 330 he calls and says that he had a good day at work and will be getting a drink and some dinner with a friend and would be home shortly after... Which i was fine with...An hour later he calls 'what are your plans this weekend? are you going out? i have to work tomorrow and my friend wants to stay over-but isnt going to if your there' I was caught off gaurd and didnt even know what to say- We ended up getting into a fight about this and the conversation ended in 'i dont even know if im coming home'-the usual. A few hours go by (I had been texting him that we were finished-i will be taking care of this place on my own and to come pick up his things, etc) he undertstood very well that he needed to get out-but then ends up thinking and calling me 'oh-im coming home now..and my friends staying the night' Like this was sort of game to him. I was extremely upset and had to stand on my 2 feet for once and told him that with all this "money" (which he has been rubbing in my face) he was making now to get himself a hotel. That really pissed him off but he knew that he wasn't going to come home. Since at this point in time he doesnt have a car-he is dependent on his friends to pick him up and drive him to work,etc. The night goes by and he then starts texting me randomness about the great hotel room he's in.... i end up falling asleep and ignoring his childs play. Today is Saturday and his friend is suppose to drop him off today after work and we are suppose to figure out what is going to happen. As much as the emotions are tied and i (in my heart) want things to work-and us be happy.. I find that to be impossible due to his selfish-narsasistic character. I need to move on for MYSELF. I know what i should do and need to do-but i am just torn. I feel like I need guidance or a 3rd party to look in and tell me what is going on here, That is where i come in and say 'if someone doesnt want to be with you-you cant force them' So there is no need for me to do that anymore. I need to kick him out today-and finally move on. This is going to the hardest thing to do-and I really do hope that I get the courage and self control to finally do this today and not let him come in and manipulate the situation-like he does with his entire iife. I just wish the pain and crying, not sleeping nor eatting-would just go away already-im exhausted in every term

I have to say that losing your first love isn't easy. I was going out with someone for almost 2 years. He was love of my life. He left me in about May of this year. Really, he just was not ready for the commitment of a long term relationship. He just wanted to be a kid, and even though he loved me I think he knew this isn't what either of us wanted. And even though we loved each other, right now wasn't the best time to stay in a relationship.

I watched him grow from the boy he was when I met him into who he is now. I feel like we both learn't from each other. We didn't have the perfect relationship, but we were in love.

The only problem was I love him to much, I left my friends, my school, I moved for him cause he wanted me around more. I started going to his school, and things were perfect. But I think I was "cramping his style" cause NOW the problem wasn't I was never around. I was around ALL the time. And I feel like it ruined our relationship.

To be honest I am still hurting from losing him, I think, "What did I do wrong?" I found some old pictures of us and I realized that I had some wondeful times with him. And I will never forget them. Those pictures made me laugh, smile, and cry all at the same time.

We don't really talk as much anymore, and things are still tense between us. But I think we were both done crying about it.

I miss him, more than words can even say. When I hear a song that reminds me of him, I am almost brought to tears. Really, I an still in love with him. But I know in time that will fade, and I will be able to move on with my life.

This summer is nothing like the last, our two years will be next month, and I was hoping I would still have him. And he would be all mine. But I see now that he doesn't need me anymore. And if he is happy, I am happy for him. I loved him so much, I let him go.

I will always love him, and I get the feeling there will always be apart of him that loves me too.

Hello Everyone,

I wondered if anybody has any advice from experience about meeting one's ex after a mutually agreed-on breakup. Me and my ex decided on not continuing the relationship after a bunch of problems and eventually, my departure overseas for temporary work. I was the one who initiated the breakup and my ex agreed, somewhat reluctantly in the beginning, but I also tend to think, with a dose of relief. We've been talking since then, although I took a break during which I stayed away from the communication or kept it to a minimum. I really don't feel the same way about him, but I have to see him to pick up some of my things from his place, and I also want to see him and catch up, and see where things are in his life. At the same time, I am afraid of falling into it again, because I have made so much progress over the past few months, and with each day after the separation, it just feels more right to be apart, and I see light in the end of the tunnel. How to avoid a disaster? I haven't seen him for a couple of months now and I don't even know if I will feel anything when I see him, but even if I do, how to avoid falling into this trap, after going such a long way in realizing we're not good for each other?

Thank you,

Hey,
I'm trying to get over my break-up, the hardest part is trying not to hold onto hope that it might still one day work out. This break has been particularly difficult for me as it was my first relationship ever, and we dated over a year. When it ended my best friend involved herself in it and wants nothing to do with me now, and my other friends were all friends with both of us and for some reason, they've all decided I've acted badly by involving my "best friend." But she's the one who inserted herself in it in the first place by advising him to break up with me again b/c earlier in that morning he'd said he was sorry he left me and he'd never do it again and he wanted to work things out. Unfortunately I'm also rooming with her boyfriend, who hates me now too b/c when i was trying to make up with my 'best friend' after she interfered with my break up, she mentioned that she got the vibe i'd never really approved of her relationship. And it's not that I haven't approved but she only cares about him and dropped me out of her life a lot when she started dating him, and I feel lik ehe treats her with a lot of disrespect when drunk. So now she hates me b/c I finally told her how i feel about him, but she asked me in the first place.

My mom doesn't have any patience at all really and she and I got into a huge argument the other day over the same shit she always does, and I normally put up with it but i've been so stressed out recently i couldn't handle it. I'm the type of person that functions well when I have the support of my friends and family. Recently, it's just been me. And losing all of this in a month's time sucks. He broke up with me the week after our one year anniversary too, which I know he enjoyed, and he says he still loves me but it's not working. I've gotten upset and crazy and I know that he doesn't want to be back with me. I've never been the type of person to have a lot of self-confidence, I know I need to work on myself and I try. But it's been that much harder b/c I've lost my support system. And my boyfriend like, a couple months ago got really drunk and shoved me and choked me, and we've been trying to wokr through that. but he doesn't like dealing with emotions, especially my negative ones all the time. Everyone says I can do better, everyone says move on. I just can't find that switch that clicks to magically letting go.

@Christy -

Christy,

Sometimes the reality didn’t match our expectations. In fact this happens a lot. It is very important that you realize that this is definitely NOT your fault.

Just try to NOT think about the “if onlys” and “what ifs”.

Eddie

@stephanie -

Dear Stephanie,

My heart goes out to you.

It’s not easy to give practical advice in such a difficult situation. I would first sort out the financial situation: does he plan to support you financially, is he obligated to do so by law? Etc.

Then try to be there for your kids. Concentrate on them, especially on their emotional needs.

It is important that you try to find a “support group”: parents, old friends from high school, neighbors, coworkers… you need to be able to talk things off your chest.

Also, find something to do at the “quit times”, especially at the evenings. It’s important to keep your mind busy, negative thoughts are your enemy now.

If you think that you couldn’t bear it any longer just post here!

All the best for you,
Eddie

I have a beautiful love story that ended in disaster. My ex's mother and my mom have been best friends since we were kids. His mother remarried and moved away when we were ten. We are both 37 and hadn't seen each other for 18 years until Christmas of '07 when he came in to visit family. He was living in Colorodo and we started corresponding by phone and email. Six months later he was counting down the minutes to come and be with me. I live in a very small city and have a 16 year old daughter. He moved in with us and everything seemed to be perfect. I've had my share of dysfunctional relationships and had never had a relationship that we could both be around each other's families. A couple of months ago he started saying that we didn't have enough in common, that I didn't support his artwork (he draws comic books) and started staying out a lot. I began to drink more frequently and didn't know what to do because I felt like I was losing him. Needless to say this didn't help and I started going through his belongings. I found a paper about a month ago with his plan to move to Wilmington and never said anything. I fooled myself into thinking we could work it out. The crazy thing is that he insisted that he loved me but didn't want to argue. I just don't understand why he dropped everything and didn't care what anyone said to come be with me and now he won't even call.

i dont know where to begin all i know is i am feeling very depressed, abonded and all alone with 4 kids. my now ex of seven years and father to my kids just left me. We had gone on vacation back to his home town in california and on the day we arrived home to Texas he started and argument and walked out on us. Drove back to California just dropped us off like dogs with no money food or transportation. I cant seem to function right i cant sleep eat and feeling like my world has ended and asking myself why this is happening to me? it is very difficult for me to even type this out so forgive me if its not in proper grammer. Im just feeling all alone i have no one to talk to and have no idea whats going to happen. What makes it so much harder is im all alone with four kids i have all these bills and only enough to cover the rent. So im in a world of stress. i just dont understand how someone could be so cold and heartless and just get up and leave with no worries behind, I dont know how to even begin to get over the pain and heartache. will i ever get over him and these feelings? What scares me the most is i planned my life with him and our kids and dont know how i can even see myself with someone else. Im trying so hard to be strong for my kids sake but its sooo hard when they are constintly asking for him and asking when is he coming back. I am litteraly feeling sick to my stomach just thinking about it. What can i do? How can i move on ? Thanks for taking time to read this i just really needed to get this out somehow. Its so hard because i have no one to talk to this is the only way i could really express myself and how i am feeling.

I can relate to everyone's story in some way. One year ago, I was in a wonderful relationship. I had never before felt the things he made me feel and no one had ever cared for me in the ways he did. It was without a doubt the happiest part of my life. He is the first man I have ever been in love with. We made plans together, we discussed marriage and everyday he told me I was the one. He bought me a promise ring for Christmas and I still remember every word he said to me that night and how lucky I felt to have him. We were in deep love and I never thought it would end. Come January, I started to see a different person. He didn't look at me the same, didn't touch me the same and after a while he seemed to just stop showing affection. We broke up at the end of February. Two weeks later, he called me to tell me he missed me and wanted to work on things. As I find out, he had gone on a date already and it made him miss having me. I was angry but I forgave him. So we worked on our relationship and got back together in April, which was the mark of our one year. Three weeks later, here I sit broken hearted again. He broke my heart twice. It's horrible because I don't think he'll come back this time. He seemed content with the break up and ready to move on. He just fell out of love with me and didn't feel the same anymore. He was a completely different person. I just don't understand how people and feelings can change so abruptly. One month we were crazy in love and the next, we were breaking up. The pain I feel right now is nothing like I've ever felt. I don't know what to do and I'm so tired of crying and praying for him to come back to me. I think it's even harder because he is the only man I've ever been in love with and because we had discussed marriage and he referred to me as his soulmate all the time. I don't know what to do anymore. This site was very helpful, and I'm trying to get through the acceptance stage. I want to see him so badly again but I think it may make the situation worse. It hurts to lose the one person you thought you'd spend forever with. I am young, and I know there are other fish in the sea, but I can't help but feel like he is the one and I lost him. I can't help but feel like I will never find anyone else like him again. It hurts everytime I think about it.

I am on the verge of a breakdown, I have started antidepressants because I have been feeling suicidal!
I met my husband on Myspace Aug 07, we fell in love instantly and married a year to the day I messaged him Aug 08. Thing is he has moved 200 miles to live with me, it was the happiest moment in my life. But my daughter of 15 has managed to finally split us up. It was only last night I heard from my eldest daughter that her sister had said a few months back that she was going to to make a Masterplan to split me and my husband up. Everything falls into place now when me, my husband and eldest daughter talked about all the arguments. we found out she had told lies about him and I stood by my daughter and didnt punish her. My husband said he felt alone and ganged up on. He said after all blood is thicker than water and if we stay together she would be in our lives forever. He said he still loves me and is going back to his hometown as he couldnt live with her under the same roof after all she has done. I am devastated that he is going and cant handle the way he has been so cold to me. He says he doesnt want to get close because it will cloud his jugement and he has made his decision to leave and start fresh. I said I hate her for ruining my future and said she can go live with her father and I will move down to my husbands home, but he said it wouldnt work as she would still be in his life wether or not he ever saw her again., and he doesnt want anything connected to her. He was a wonderful man and husband who never raised a hand to me and bought both of the girls presents and went out as a family, and ive losed him. Why ?, because I have a selfish unfeeling child, who wanted not just me to herself but to have the run of the home as it was before my husband moved in. I dont think I will get over him, its harder when you BOTH love each other and know its the end. I will have him on a PEDISTAL because he was the most loving generous man ive ever met, and for the short time we had together I will make sure those memories stay in my heart. We both cried together this morning, knowing we will not see each other again, but now im left with a volotile anger towards my daughter, who has taken my lovely future away in a click. She starts college in Sept 09, she will meet new friends, have a new life and still have her boyfriend of 2 years by her side. I am left in a big 3 bedroomed house on my own and no one to share anything with, i feel lonely scared and abandoned..please help, Any advice from anyone would be apperciated my email is scubasharron@yahoo.co.uk Hope you all find happiness x

I can now look at this message and it seems soooo dramatic. I thought my husband was the the best thing that had happened to me, but since the previous message I discovered he was texting and forwarding my personal texts to his new lady friend. He slept with her on the 13 july and text me on the 15th July to say we could make a go of it. I NOW FEEL LIKE i CAN NEVER TRUST HIM AGAIN. I love him, but now that i KNOW HE HAS SLEPT WITH Sarah St Clair Gunn within a few hours of meeting ( slapper ) I dont think the relationship will work. Although it is me who has travelled 208 miles to be together, and he still thinks he has done nothing wrong cuz we where on '' a break ''. Everyone and anyone can do beter !

I can totally understand how you feel. Ive been broken up with my gf for 2 months now and I was so depressed. Ive lost myself and despite all the signs telling me we wont get back I ignore them. I wake up every morning thinking of her feeling terrible, every night before I got to sleep I think of her and pray we will work it out. I am sometimes sick and lost loads of weight. Im better than I was but im in denial and I cant let go. I wonder how I will feel in the future and If I will ever be happy without her. I love her so much but everytime we speak I some how bring the relationship into it pleading with her and asking if we will ever get back which annoys her and upsets her. I tried the no contact rule but it lasted 5 days and I had to ring her. We had a nice cinversation but the next day I rang her and for some reason asked her if she was seeing anyone which she told me was none of my business and hung up. So im back to square one, Ive been hoping all this time we could work things out and its all I want more than anything in the world, and yet any chance I had I make it worse for myself by bringing it up. The pain I feel is so immense and the memories haunt me everyday. i dont know what to do and ask myself if it will ever end. Its like a curse, I want to move on but I cant seem to let go the hope of us getting back together which she hasnt ruled out yet. She wont rule it out she says if its meant to be it will be but I dont know how to interprit that. I need to move on either way but its hard and I dont know how to control my thoughts.

Hope you feel better, I know the pain you feel and it sucks

What do i say to my ex if i meet them?? Thanks for the advice.
xx

I left my partner of 8 years in December. It wasnt working out and we knew it had to end. I looked outside this relationship for love and thought i had found the love of my life in Late November. This other women showed she cared and loved me as i did her. After 6 weeks she told me she didnt love me and didnt want a realtionship as the time wasnt right for her and her feelings of love where now more like friendship,,,this was confusing as 6 days before that she said she loved me more and more every day..two weeks after this she told me we would be only friends after taking a trip we planned together in March. We couldnt get the money back so we went. For another 5 weeks up until the trip and on the trip she showed me she really did care for me. Im sure she does. This women has never striked me a a player but she says the time is not right for her. This has hurt as i was the first time I had felt love and given it back freely for years. Last night i told her it hurt what had happened, I had loved her and the feelings have been more wanting to be in love with her , getting the same back more then actually feeling in love. But I do feel I love her but I think its confused with not loving myself and thats what the pain and hurt I feel is about..Maybe I want her to heal the pain i feel inside me. We meet last night and to clear the air and have closure..We hug and it felt right ,,,she sms me today and said she feels so comfortable with me,,,I do care deeply for this women but i seem to latch oto everything she says when its only her being caring,,,

Eddie, you gotta help me out.

I & my g.f was in relationship for 6 months. Then last week, I called her 20 times, she didn't pick up the phone. Then she comes online and says that she wants to break up because of her mum. Her mum went to the astrologer and found that from chinese zodiac, Mine("RAT") and hers("RABBIT") marriage doesn't work and would be really horrible if we did marry. So she forced her daughter to break up with me. When I said that she is the one who's gonna spend life with me but she denies and says that my mum went through the same situation like ours and her dad died because of that. Her mum doesn't want that to happen for her daughter. I called her mum and tried to persuade her not to believe in superstitions but I failed. This is my final semester of undergraduate degree and I am really being frustrated and unfocused. I also need to focus on my studies so I was wondering if you would give some suggestions to get over it ASAP.
Thank you

Hi Sim! I am devastated to read that yo you feel this way! It is terrible! Don't ever think you are nothing and that you deserve this pain because you do not! Find a way of liking what you see in the mirror! Surround yourself with people who make you feel good! Keep busy do things that make you feel good! I started going to church when I was 18 and had depression! I didn't find God or anything like that it just made me feel safer. I also started doing charity work, voluneter work, fundraising! Helping others can really make us appreciate what we have and how well off we really are!
I am sure I have said nothing which has helped but please please don't think you are worth nothing! To the world you may be one person but to one person you may be the world! Appearance and wealth are not the things which make our dreams come true it is strength of character, it is loving ourselves in spite of our imperfections, it is seeing perfection in our inperfections! Be who you are and be proud! You don't need somebody to make you whole, you are already as whole as you need to be! Remember strangers are friends we have not met yet. Go and meet them!



@Sim -

Ron, First Post, Feb 19th, 2008

As you can read from my first post, I was pretty devastated, in four weeks, I lost 27 lbs, was on medication to sleep, medication to eat, and started seeing a therapist for the first time ever, there were times I didn’t think I was going to make it, I looked into the mirror and was shocked by what I saw looking back at me. I was so lonely, full of guilt, not knowing what to do, call, don’t call, lay low, push ahead and try to win back the Love I knew deep in my heart was the one for me.

Well, so much has happened since, its almost 10 months since our break-up, I gained back my weight, I’m off the medication, and stopped seeing my therapist, time does heal, never thought that was true back then, but it does, but its still not easy. I still have my highs and lows, and I’m still not where I want to be, but thank God, I’m not where I was.

I have agonized as I have watched my ex go from one new boyfriend to another, and each time it ends, I go charging back hoping for the best, but to no avail, when will I learn, we talk now from time to time, but its few and far between, but those conversions are to die for. When we talk she seems so happy and doesn’t have a care in the world, but I can barely control myself, the phone actually shaking in my hand for fear I might say something to push her further away or the fear that I might start crying again and lose what dignity I have regained since our breakup. I know I should stay away but I can’t.

She called on Thanksgiving Day to wish me well, I was on top of the world when she did, but at the end of our 5 minute conversation I was devastated once again, she told me she was having Thanksgiving dinner with her "New Boyfriend," well, its been 10 months but that statement destroyed my entire day, once I hung up I started to cry, I barely ate anything at dinner, and now all I can do is think about her with someone other than me, its still so hard.
My birthday is in two weeks, then 2 weeks later its Christmas and then New Years, I don’t even want to think about my disappointment if she doesn’t come visit, which is my secret desire, I know after the holidays it will get better, but for the first time ever I now know why people get depressed around the holidays, when you are all alone, and the one you love more than life itself is not with you, but could be, but doesn’t want to be, and to make matters worse, rather be with someone other than you, someone that you know for a fact won’t treat her half as good as you would, rips your heart out and makes you want to fall to your knees and scream!

I’m trying to stay positive, and Lord knows I am better then I was, but God, when will the agony end! I now know the pain will subside, because it has, but I don’t think I will ever get over her, and God help the one that replaces her, Lord knows she will never fill her shoes! As for dating, all I see is trash, no one compares, after I had sex with someone else for the first time, when she left I started to cry, why, because it reminded me of my ex, what we used to share, the tender moments, plus, I felt guilty because I had sex with someone other than the one I Loved, it felt wrong after it was over, I just pulled the covers over my head and cried myself to sleep.

Bottom line to everyone else, it does get better, but its so very, very hard, each day is a struggle, good luck to each of you, we all need it, and deserve so much better!

I'm just too lonely, sometimes I think it's the loneliness that is killing me. I desperately need someone beside, I feel like I'm thrown away and I'm nothing than a loser.
I look at myself in the mirror and I know I'm losing who I am. I've tried my best to set goals for life, but sometimes I find it too hard to move on

you did the right thing by distancing yourself from this man. your happiness is the most important thing, and as I have learned during my recent breakup if a bf doesn't seem to be into you, there is no possible way to change his mind (i've certainly tried).

this guy is obviously not good enough for you, and it makes perfect sense that you still have feelings for him, they always linger after an intense relationship. just try to keep being strong, and remember that you are doing the right thing, and that the feelings of anger, missing your ex, and constantly thinking about him are totally expected after a break up and that they will eventually go away.

good luck, and try to realize that you will find a guy who treats you well, and respects you as a person, and deserves you, just be patient, and in the mean time don't forget that you are a good person and you deserve the best.

RAE- I cannot believe how similar our feelings toward our exes are. I was with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years and we lived together for 2 1/2 of them. He was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive. He was controlling and jealous to a point of absurdity, and I put up with it. I think somewhere deep inside of me, I wanted to believe that he was that way because he loved me so much. Now, we have been broken up for 1 week and he already has another girlfriend, whom he obviously left me for. She is living WITH him in the home that we lived together in and as much as I hate him, I still love him. I want him back, even though all my friends and family know this man is a monster. I think that I just put so much into the relationship and tolerated such horrible things, in the hopes that he would realize one day how much I loved him and change. And it's a shock and devastating to me that he is the one that walked away. He is claiming that I nagged to much and never gave him any attention sexually. But yet, the reason I nagged was because he began going out 3-4 nights a week and coming home after 3 am. In my opinion, in a commited relationship, I had every right to voice my opinion as I felt I was being neglected. I wasn't ''allowed'' to go out with friends or have male friends AT ALL. But yet, he could come and go as he pleased because he was 'the man of the house'. Now he has a 22 year old gf with no job (I'm a hard working 31 year old) so of course she has all the time in the world to wait around for him at all hours of the night (except that he takes HER everywhere with him). And when he used to get home at 4 or 5 am on WEEKNIGHTS he would want to be intimate and I'd be half asleep and have work the next day. That's when he started saying I lost interest in him, but I hadn't. I just wanted a NORMAL life. A man that would come home so that he had TIME to be intimate with me and work as well. He's 36 years old and has reverted back to his early twenties...and I guess there's nothing I can do about that. But I think about him all day everyday and it takes all the strength I have in me to even go on. I'm so lost. I'm so hurt and I'm SO SO angry.

Hi eddie, I really really want to get over my boyfriend because I know how much better I will be with out him. I know he really is bad for me. I know he keeps back-ups and lies to me. I also know that he loves me to the point that he was constantly scared to lose me and in turn treated me like I was an enemy that could hurt him. I loved him so much that I knew I was getting done wrong and instead of walking out on him and hurting him I just drove us crazy with accusations and fights until he had no choice but to leave me. I was hurting the whole time I was with him. So now that it is over I don't know how to deal with it. How can you be in love with some one you hate? I'm torn and hurt. I can't decide which is worse. I'm having a war with my heart and brain. I'm filled with what-ifs....had I just shown him I was never gonna leave. I saw potential in him I never saw before in any one but we couldn't get over each others insecurities. We were so much alike I know he's angry. And I'm more worried about him being hurt then me? So how do I go about the steps. I'm not angry. I'm worried. I want to move on. But I can't accept the fact that is how he really is.

@Laura -
you're definitely not alone LAURA...ive been to similar situation the worst that i can think of...i have a BF for 3 years and we also have plans of getting married both of famlies and friends were informed of our plans...all of a sudden i have known that he has made another girl pregnant,i was really devastated..i got depressed,i have never expected that such thing could happens to me,to us...but i have to face the truth that no matter how much i love him the trust is already ruined...you can survive whatever you are facing right now...just TRUST in the LORD for HE is there to help us in everything that we are facing...I only hold on to HIM that why i have survived after what i have experienced...just pray...

getting better...
life is really unpredictable.you dont know what youll be facing each day.the things that you expect dont happen and those that you never expected are the ones that happens...but we have no choice but to face whatever it is that comes to our lives.it is a challenge to live each day,especially if you are in an emotional turmoil.

conquering an emotional challenge is not easy,especially if you have invested your everything to the relationship and if you have made your world evolve around the person.its a failure on your part if you'll let those challenges beat you instead of fighting against it...trials are part of our lives,it comes and it goes and it depends on us how we face it.trials makes us strong and prepares us to future obstacles that we will be facing.

to live everyday is an oppurtunity for us to be a better person.to do better for ourselves and to other people...getting better is not easy but it can be achieved with a positive outlook.its not easy if youve been thru a situation which made you feel like a nobody..but with GODS guidance and blessings getting better is not far from our reach...all we have to do is to let GOD drive our lives for us,lets go to where he wants us to go and for sure the road that we will be taking to live each day of our lives is the right track,and the right one for us to take.

I have read these stories & i'm amazed how much i can relate to these people...my ex & i decided to break up after almost 6 yrs together...i felt like he wasn't making time for me...all he wanted to do was party & hang out w/him friends...i've been coping w/this better than i thought i would...i'm still in the healing process but there's not a day that i don't think about it...maybe we could of talked and worked things out...he just left me with empty promises...i'm here to talk to people to talk about our stories maybe someone can give me advice or i can listen to your story...we're all here for similar reasons