I meet a wonderful guy who him and I have so much in common, love spending time with him, and we got along really good!! We thought we had the perfect relationship, and really loved each other. HOWEVER, when we did argue which was very really our relationship was off!! We have broken up 3 times, and tried to work things out, and nominally I would just break up and move on, but being older you would think we were more wiser!! Not so!! Out of the 3 times of breaking up, I did 2 of the break ups and now this 4th was the final one, which I made!! I have tried all methods of support that has been mentioned, and feel terrible about the break up still!! I left a message on his phone, cause he never answered it, I sent it in a txt message as well. The thing is I had doubts, doubts about his trust, whether I could trust him. He tried to organise times to go nightclubbing with his friends, and I understand why females go out clubbing, to dance and enjoy being with their girlfriends, but 2 guys?? This tells me their out to pick up, and we had heaps of fights about this. I thought I might be showing my insecurity as all the guys I went out with including my ex-hub cheated!! So what makes him so different? Once I had enough of the pressure to move in, his unemployment issues, I had had enough!! ended the relationship, and then that weekend he is spotted at the nightclub that my girlfriends go to, and then he was there the following weekend when I went, by himself??? Trying to pick up girls in front of my face!! He just didn’t seem like a player, cause I know them, I married the “world’s best player” and the “world’s best loser”, but he did not show that when we were around other women, I would spot it, know the moves, know the looks that men give other women, or even ask about your friends, he didn’t show any signs of this!! You would think after seeing him at the club that that would be the closure!! But no I feel absolutely terrible, got sick for a week with the flu, and just could not kick it after that weekend at the club!! It absolutely took me by surprised that I had trusted someone like this, first guy going out with after 9 years!! How could have picked so badly? or what kind of guys am I attracting that make them become or are this way? I think what started this whole thing of insecurity is when he went through my mobile phone contacts, which I forgive him for, then going out clubbing with his mate, then he went through my diary on the last weekend we spent together. Why would someone do that to me? I have nothing to hide, but why would someone use me to get what they want rather than give what they can give someone else please explain? Why do I feel so terrible even though I should feel relieved? I am sick of seeing counselors!!!

Originally Posted By Sara@Ryan Peimer -

Ryan,

Wow, I read your note and I feel that it does make sense..I am dealing with a break up and I know that I should be alone and deal with my low self-steem issues and to learn to live alone for now. Based on my ex pattern, I know that he will start dating soon, and it breaks my heart, but I feel that I don’t have to do what he does. I should be strong and wait till my heart heals…

I really love him so much, and I try so hard to make it work, I cared so much and when he didnt thats when i came crashing down and decide to give up. I really dont know what to do.

I am in University, with an extremely stressful semester and I dont know how i am going to get through it. I cant concentrate on my work, i cant stop crying.

I just dont know what to do.

Ryan,

Wow, I read your note and I feel that it does make sense..I am dealing with a break up and I know that I should be alone and deal with my low self-steem issues and to learn to live alone for now. Based on my ex pattern, I know that he will start dating soon, and it breaks my heart, but I feel that I don’t have to do what he does. I should be strong and wait till my heart heals…

One cannot love until you have healed properly. After a break up you tend to go through the motions of loneliness and your self esteem will take a knock and what we tend to do to as emotional beings, is to find the first thing that will relieve us of this discomfort; i.e. another relationship. When you enter a relationship from a place of loneliness and desperation, you will indeed receive that initial relief and you may even feel that you’re in love again. But these kinds of relationships can never work!! The Law of Attraction works with vibrational frequencies. When you attract a partner or relationship from a place of loneliness, emptiness & low self worth, you attract similar vibrational frequencies. What you want is to move past that first, develop your self esteem, reconnect with you who are and build up your self love before getting into another relationship; otherwise we tend to experience the same relationship failure time and time again. It’s not easy but in the long run it will do the world of good. We all dream of the perfect partner and a relationship that is equally fulfilling in every area. KNOW that this is possible!! But you need to heal and love yourself first before that partner can enter your experience.

With Love
Ryan Peimer

ryan@thirty3degrees.co.za