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How I Finally Let Go Of My Ex – The Last Step

When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves. – Viktor E. Frankl

Many years ago, I was on the road to meet a friend who lived in a town quite far away. This happened approximately a year and a half after my life-changing break-up.

I was OK back then. I was essentially over my Ex. I had accepted the fact that it was over and I knew we wouldn’t get back together again. I was already in another relationship, and yes she came to my mind now and then, but I was able to handle it.

Again, I was OK.

Or so I thought.

What happened on that long lonesome trip threw me off my path so completely that I would never have believed it was possible.

But on the other hand, it was a blessing because it was the last step I had to take to completely get over her and finally let go of her.

What happened?

It all started with a song.

Now I know what you think – not an “our song” kind of song. It was something completely different.

The radio played an unfamiliar song that touched me on such a deep level that I never thought was possible. The lyrics and the melody knocked me out completely.

This song brutally brought to my mind what I once had, and what I was missing so dearly for such a long time, even though I was already in another relationship.

It was there all the time, close to the surface, waiting to push through.

I pulled my car over and started to weep like a small child for over 30 minutes.

After I composed myself again, I couldn’t believe what had happened. Wasn’t I over her? How come I lost it so easy?

Please read on.

The Last Resistance

While you move through all the phases of break-up recovery, with every step you bring yourself closer to the ultimate goal or “the big indifference” as I call it.

“The big indifference” is something you need in order to say you are truly “over your Ex”.

Because one fact that remains is that you’re NOT over your Ex and you haven’t let go until you can stand in front of them, talk to them and feel NOTHING. Just a distant memory of a once held emotion. (I know that this seems impossible for you today, but ultimately this will happen).

But before you reach that goal, there is one big bump on the road – the one I was facing at that time, triggered by a simple love song.

What happened that day was that in spite of being over her, I just hadn’t “let go of her” yet.

Where is the difference?

I went through all the phases. I followed the No-Contact Rule. I suffered through the “emotional roller-coaster”. I consciously accepted the fact that we were not together and would never be again. I re-discovered myself and learned to live alone. I found a life-goal, loved myself and found a wonderful girl who I started a relationship with.

And after all that, I still broke down hearing a silly, cheesy song?

A Powerful Belief

My problem was that in my head there was this mathematical equation I had set up so long ago. It was simple but effective and still held power over me.

It looked like this:

[happiness] = [Ex’s Name]


no [Ex’s Name] = no [happiness]

A simple belief that was so powerful that it made me break down after 1 1/2 years of breakup recovery. It was there from the beginning without me even realizing it. Lurking, waiting to come out in the open.

Never underestimate the power of a single belief.

Now that I knew what went wrong, what held me back all this time, I could approach that problem directly.

I did that in two ways.

How To Finally Let Go Of Your Ex

I knew how powerful affirmations are. I used them heavily in the acceptance-phase, so I was certain that they would help me also with this problem.

Affirmations are the best way to change false beliefs, (break-up recovery essentially boils down to one thing – changing a set of powerful beliefs).

So I came up with this one:

“I let go of [Ex’s Name] with love and clear myself of chains to the past to make way for new love to enter my life”

Applied as usual: 3 times a day, 25 times in front of a mirror and one time in writing.

Let me tell you – it worked WONDERS.

After only 14 days, I felt a huge relief, as if a heavy weight I didn’t even knew existed was being lifted from my shoulders. The invisible blockade that was lingering in my newly formed relationship was removed so it started to thrive, and an overall well-being flooded my soul.

That was it. Mission accomplished?

Not yet. One last thing to do.

Remember? The “big indifference”.

Well that turned out very unexpectedly.

3 weeks after that road-trip-incident, I received a strange letter. It was an invitation to a wedding.

You guessed right.

The Final Pedestal-Test

My Ex was about to get married, and she invited ME to it.

I don’t have to tell you how I felt at that moment. I mean, even after 1 1/2 years it still was a huge shock. I knew that she had a new boyfriend, but she was getting married?

As much as I was shocked about this I knew that this was THE opportunity to test whether I had reached the “top” of my break-up recovery journey.

So I decided to go.

But I can tell you, to say I was anxious about it is an understatement. I was terrified. But I realized how important this could be for me.

The day of the wedding celebration approached and in my mind I was there a thousand times already. I knew what I planned to do. I would react as if nothing ever happened, putting on a big smile, but I still had that lingering fear of suffering a meltdown like what had occurred on that road.

Luckily it turned out differently.

Fast forward to the wedding celebration, entering the ballroom, seeing her for the first time after 12 months and I felt NOTHING.

Absolutely NOTHING. Like I was looking at a complete stranger.

She seemed to be more afraid of it than I was, because she completely avoided eye-contact at all costs.

At that time, I was in great shape, in fact the best shape of my life. I was confident, cocky, well dressed. In short – I was a catch.

At first I thought, “[her name] look what you are missing out on and look what a jerk you have standing next to you”, and I really smiled thinking this.

But then it shifted.

Suddenly I started to care less and less about what she was thinking of me. I was just in the now, enjoying the moment.

It was as if I suddenly got a good portion of power back that I was missing for so long. Slowly I started to feel free again. Really free.

So I went up to them and everybody was staring at me wondering what I would do, (most of the guests knew my former relationship to the bride).

I stood in front of them in that super cool black suit I wore and I heartily congratulated them both on their wedding. I wished them all the best for their forthcoming life together, and went back to my table. Full of confidence, pride and power.

I never felt better in my life than I did that day.

I had people coming up to me congratulating me for what I did and for the way I did it.

It was a complete victory.

It was the day I finally let go of my Ex and started a new life.

How To Take The Last Step of Getting Over Your Ex

Now, I don’t recommend doing what I did back then as a test whether you are over your Ex or not. The implications could be disastrous. At the beginning of your break-up recovery journey, it is advisable to respectfully decline invitations like the one I got.

Whether it’s time or not to face your Ex solely depends on your progress in your recovery. Do it at the beginning, and you will crash and burn. Instead, do it when you:

  • have accepted the fact that you’re no longer together
  • do not want them back
  • have gone through the emotional roller-coaster
  • basically feel alright

and you will profit from it.

For me, it was 1 1/2 years after the break-up, which was actually rather late. It took me a while to figure out how you can speed up the recovery process substantially.

For me, it was exactly the right time for what I needed to do. If I hadn’t, my recovery most certainly would have gone on much longer.

So what is letting go?

It is a conscious process of discarding the belief that only your Ex holds the key to your happiness. It is the final step you need to take before you can say that you are over your Ex, and you are ready to start a new relationship.

But what if your Ex is not available for confrontation?

Then we must take hold of different measures.

The Desensitization Method

There is a technique where you consciously expose yourself to your memories with your Ex in order to “desensitize”. You do this for one hour by going through your pictures, videos and stored memories.

The most important thing here is to really dig deep, and to completely allow yourself to get into it. Get emotional, cry if you have to. Continue despite the pain you feel, and do this until you feel numb.

It’s basically the same as confronting your Ex, only “virtually”.

After you’ve done this you will feel exhausted and completely numb and indifferent. Good. This means it worked.

But again, only do this if you fit the preconditions I’ve listed above! Otherwise it will throw you miles back. Trust me.


If your break-up was longer than one year ago and you have gone through the main phases of break-up recovery – and you generally feel OK, but still feel there is something holding you back, then I recommend taking this “last step”.

I get many emails from readers asking the same thing. They cannot believe that after that much time, they still suffer:

I do wonder though, why after a full year, I’m still thinking about him as much as I do. I worry that I cannot move on fully.

The reason for this is, in most cases, an unrealistic over-idealization of the Ex.

Consciously letting go means saying goodbye to that limiting belief that only your Ex means happiness and no one else.

I did that back then and it almost instantly improved my life, my relationship, and my view to life.

I am sure you can too.

Your friend,

, ,


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109 Responses to How I Finally Let Go Of My Ex – The Last Step

  1. Gail August 6, 2013 at 7:14 am #

    Great Advice – Very Heartfelt
    I was married for 17 years & 2 kids and it took me along time to get over my X.
    He was a great guy everyone best mate – but what I thought we had together wasn’t as strong as I thought.
    After 30 he decided he wanted to retire early – and refused to work. We ended up job swapping and he played golf everyday and drank and I went to work.
    I ran a poor 2nd to Golf and drinking & ended up being Mum and Dad to the kids so they didnt miss out.
    It took me 8 years to say I’d had enough.
    Come Sunday morning: If you want me you know where I am on the golf course.
    I felt like a “Big Nothing” He never spent anytime with me, I never received compliments and I sadly I felt like I did not matter anymore.
    When I said I couldnt do this anymore he went and got drunk for 3 months.
    I told him and wanted him to say – No matter what it takes I wont give up you and the kids.
    Sadly that never happened – he just moved on with his life and is now married to the woman he used to drink with at the golf club.
    He then starting doing all the things I asked for and wanted for us with her and her son.
    It took me along time to get over it as it was just re-enforced more that I was worth nothing and I was easily replaced.
    It was like if your a Man you don’t have to put the effort with your wife and kids coz you can just move on with another.
    I felt very used and abused for a long-time

    • shellie July 29, 2015 at 2:08 am #

      Omg Omg Omg I did it after 11 years of verbal abuse and being with a narcissistic piece of crap, I told him off. Way out of my character but it was the right thing to do for me. Stayed after almost being pushed out of moving car, the countless times he blamed me for things I didn’t do, got remarried behind my back to a mail order bride who left him after 2 years used me in every possible way you can think of never took any responsibility for anything he has ever done, never apologized, and worst of all would disappear and give me the silent treatment for no explanation at all. I am so beaten down by this man. I think the worst thing is, is he just doesn’t care. It’s funny because I was warned by so many people but I just accepted his bad behavior. I am loving , nurturing and funny and I gave and gave and he took and took. He is 11 years older then me and looks like a troll. I was the best little thing he ever had. I will be OK because I will open the door for someone deserving of my love and affection. What I don’t understand is is why did I stay so long? Trust me there is no coming back from this one. I let him have it. Thanks for listening everyone. It’s hard to do but once you cut the ties with these toxic freaks it lightens your soul. Hell I even look better

  2. Sue August 21, 2013 at 6:31 am #

    I know I am not even close to letting my ex go psychologically. I am only on day 12 of NC but I know it is my goal to let him go. After 10 years of marriage he left me. We had problems, many of which was his immaturity. He was younger but I am learning men can be idiots at any age.

    I need to be free of him emotionally because it’s killing me. Good news is I’ve had more good days lately than bad days. I still have a long road. I love Eddie’s story because it gives me hope. This website has been my saving grace. We certainly have something better in store for us once we drop this luggage.

    • Dan August 17, 2015 at 10:38 am #

      Wow, I’m in the complete same situation but only I’m a male and she is female, as much as I want to let go i can’t, I want to as I know she’s toxic for me, but when things were good they were great but when things were bad they could not get any worse, I done things and said things that are just no me, we have been split for 3 months she’s been with 2 other people sense then and in a relationship now and it kills me every minute of every day , I just want to let go and move forward and be happy, how did you do it, I would really love to know, these kind of people condition you to how they want you and manipulate you it’s horrible, please give me some advice

      • Ron August 18, 2015 at 12:04 am #

        Hi Dan,

        I feel for you man! The thing is there is nothing you can do apart from controlling yourself. I know you want your ex back but ask yourself first, do you really want her to come back to you just because she feels sorry for you? You don’t need mercy bro.

        My ex left me without any reason. We have been together for 3 years. It has been 3 months since she broke up with me. I still don’t know the reason. Her ex was a control freak. He used to beat her up. I am not this kind of person. I am not insecure in my life. I have never ever abused or controlled any of my ex’s. I have never hurt her or made her cry but I still don’t know why she left me. I don’t even know if she is dating someone else or not. I don’t even want to know. I don’t stalk her on any social media. I take it this way- she left me and its her loss. If she is happy without me then thats great. You never want to force anyone to love you. You want them to love you as they way you are.

        I have a very good job and a busy life. I have worked hard all my life to be where I am at the moment. I don’t need her to fulfill my life. She was a part of my life and now she is not. So what? I haven’t stopped living my life. I have good friends and family who are always supportive.

        I have stopped contacting her but she always initiates contacts. This hi, how are you, what are you doing etc… doesn’t do anything for me. Now I have stopped replying to her. I wanted a closure so I asked her to meet up with me. We fixed a date but as the day came closer, she stopped replying to me. I asked her that we need to talk but she doesn’t want to talk. I wanted to end it nicely so then I can move on but she is so immature when it comes to relationship. By the way I am 31 and she is 33.

        Now I am thinking, I am better off without her. Her leaving me is a blessings in disguise.

        First 6 weeks after the break up was terrible for me. I have stopped eating and sleeping but I never showed or told her that I am suffering. I started to work on myself. Its not because I want her back. Its because I want to forget her. I started running. I started to go out with my friends. I started to stay longer at work in order to distract myself from thinking about her. I have stopped constantly checking on my phone. I realized that the best way to move on from a break up is to isolate yourself from your phone. I have written down her number, hidden it somewhere and then removed her number, pictures and old messages from my phone. If you still have these then please remove these asap. Otherwise you will never move on. At this moment, you have to look after yourself. Don’t pay any attention to her. Don’t pay attention to any messages she sends you. She is living her life then why shouldn’t you? If she wants you then no matter what you do, she will ask you to get back but please don’t keep any hope. Hoping she will be back to you is the worst damage you can do to yourself.

        Believe in yourself. Believe in your love. Believe that if you have made her happy ( I assume she was happy with you) then you can made someone else happy. People who don’t want you for what you are then they can f**k off. Don’t stop living. Please do not stay in your room all day. You need to force yourself to go out. Go to field for an hour. Lie down on the grass, walk, do some exercise etc but just do not stay in your room. Thats how I overcame the break up. Do I still think of her. yes, I do but I am not desperate to get back with her.

        Please do not spend time reading forums and watching videos about getting your ex back. If you keep watching these then you are stopping yourself from moving on. You will find on forums that no-contact rule is the best way to get your ex back. You need to understand that this is completely wrong idea. No-contact rule for you to move on, not to get her back. No, I am not a relationship expert. I am just a normal bloke who believes in reality.

        One last thing, never think about taking a revenge on her or rude to her. Just be polite. In order to move on, first need to learn to forgive her. The sooner you forgive her, the faster you will accept that it is over and the faster you accept that it is over, the sooner you will move on.

        Please feel free to PM me or reply on this forum if you would like to share your pain with me.

        My special thanks Eddie for this forum. Your forum has helped a lot of men/women to move on. Hats off bro.

        Guys, please excuse my English.



        • Dan August 25, 2015 at 2:38 am #

          Dear Ron (and of course Eddie),

          Thank you for your writings they both helped. My ex girlfriend ended our relationship a year ago next week and whilst most of the pain and heart ache has gone there’s still some left which is really hard to stop, as also is thinking about her every day. … I’ll try to take both of your advice (in particular) as by reading especially your two writings has helped and there’s some very good suggestions and advice.

          • Dan August 25, 2015 at 2:40 am #

            We were together for seven years by the way and had loads of great times but she’s now dating another woman, apparently she’s bisexual which she didn’t know (we’re both 25 now so started dating when we were 18). … Thanks again.

          • Ron August 25, 2015 at 4:13 pm #


            I think you are doing great. Just hang in there. Don’t hang in there to get her back but hang in there to get yourself back. It will take time. From my experience, the first step to moving on was very difficult. It was difficult because my mind said move on but my heart didn’t want to move on. My heart was having a second thought that I should wait for her and she might come back to me. The thing is- these what if…, if else…, conditions doesn’t have any values when it comes to relationship. These will only give you false hope but nothing else. Hope is the worst enemy when it comes to moving on from any relationship. You don’t know what will happen next. She might be missing you or she might not. You don’t know. She is not telling you anything so why should you hope that she would be back? I was struggling to move on. I realised that I became my worst enemy. She wasn’t physically with me but her ghost was inside my head. It didn’t let her go. So my fight was against her ghost, not against her as a person. Her ghost wanted to pin me down but I didn’t let it to pin me down. I stood up and fight against it. Now I can say that I am on a good situation than I was a month ago.

            I realised that I wasn’t sad because she left me. I was sad because of the amount of effort and hard work I put in to this relationship and didn’t achieve anything. I was very committed to this relationship. I wanted to make it work. I put my heart, time, energy, effort and commitment etc to make this work. It was because I treated this relationship as MY KID. After a baby born- we look after it, we invest our mind, time and energy for upbringing on this baby. We love this baby more than anything. I didn’t want my KID to leave me, I didn’t want to put my KID in to a coffin but I had to and this was the hardest part. It was very painful when I had to cut all the ties with my KID.

            I understand yours was a long relationship. So what? She didn’t give a f**k about you when she made up her mind to break up with you. You have to be realistic here. You have to deal with your emotions. You will have to let your KID (relation) go. You have to cut off all the ties. There will be some memories but you have to tell yourself “it is your fight and you have to win it”. I am sorry to be harsh but trust me, I understand your feelings/pain and we all have been through these in our life. What I am trying to do here is trying to bring you back to reality. I am trying to make you to realise that there is no hope. You will be happy as soon as you let go of your hopes. Hoping she will be will make thing worst for you.

            You need to man up. You need to be tough. Every single day is a brand new day. Wake up in the morning, move the curtain and look at the sky for 30-45 seconds, close your eyes, take a deep breath and tell your mind that you have to have a emotion/pain free day.

            Please don’t be jealous. If you show her that you are jealous then all the work you have been doing to forget her will be worthless to her. You will have to start again. If she calls you then answer her calls. Don’t ignore her. If she starts talking about relationship then tell her politely that you don’t want to discuss about your relationship status but let her know that you are happy for her. You MUST not show/tell her that you are missing her or sad for her. You have to show her that you are OK with the break up. No one likes a person who is sad and emotional. Everybody likes a person who has mental strength to deal with bad situations in life. If she sees that you are mentally stronger then she will start to respect you. She will show you that she doesn’t care about you but inside, she will feel deep respect for you and this is what counts at the end of the day.

            She is in a new relationship and let her to enjoy it. You said on your previous thread that she was seeing 2 other guys before this new relationship. Let her to have fun as much as she can. When she will be bored of this new relationship, she will start to think about her past relationship and when she will think her past relationship- you will be in her mind. She might call you or text you. She will only contact you if she respects you. So you must not get angry or rude to her if you want her to respect you. Please don’t take my word for it. I might be completely wrong. As I mentioned earlier, I am not a relationship expert. The advice I am giving you is from my past experience. You shouldn’t stick by my advice. You should do what suits you well.

            Again, please stop reading blogs about getting your ex back. Instead, read how to move on. You can watch some motivational videos on Youtube.

            Thanks for reading it. I hope you find it useful.

  3. Monica October 4, 2013 at 1:53 pm #

    Hi Eddie,
    I am 3 weeks away from the final test of seeing my ex for the first time after the break up. It’s been over a year since I last saw him, was devastated after he dumped me for someone else and your ebook helped me find my way back. I feel stronger and happier than ever. Got a promotion, moved, started doing the things I always wanted, even started a new healthy relationship with a nice man who treats me very well. I could say I am over my ex.
    One of his friends contacted me a few months ago to tell me he is a bad apple and better off without him. He took advantage of his friends too, cheated on all the girls he dated since, even beat them, got one pregnant and left her stranded in a foreign country…

    His friend emailed me again to warn me that he had been transferred to the place where I will be at for 5 weeks from november. He doesn’t know I will be there.

    For the first time in months I looked up my ex and found a few recent work videos. I just wanted to see how I feel, like you say to desensitize. Well… first reaction was… he looks great… lost weight…but didn’t manage to watch the whole thing…, I felt bored…. I will do another proper sesion of desensitizing closer to the date just to make sure.

    But I don’t really know what to do.
    1. Avoid him completely? Don’t really want to keep looking after my shoulder to see if he’s in the right side of the room for me to go left…
    2. Go find him as soon as possible and say hi, I am here too. No hard feelings. We’re cool and then carry on as normal, like he’s just an acquintance.
    3. Leave it to chance. If we meet say hi, but that’s all. Don’t actually approach him. Don’t know if he’d be violent towards me too.

    I would appreciate any sort of advice.

    M :)

  4. Cammy January 19, 2014 at 9:15 pm #

    My heart was so broken n hurt I thought I was having a heart attack n now I still get pains In my heart over a year but the relationship was a distant one towards the end so it was the emotional dependency n shock of his emotional infidelity n shiftyness not necessarily unfaithful in the bedroom that shocked me…why do I still get days when I feel utterly drained and preoccupied but thoughts of my ex!? I miss his help and support but it sucks that he is still close to his ex who expected him to lie to me to protect her drug problems and said he was like a dad to her when he was someone else’s man…privileges should stop with exes when a new woman comes into a mans life…I would not expect an ex of mine to drop everything for me n upset his new woman and risk damaging their relationship…no thanks who enjoys doing things like that? I want a man who is happy to make boundaries as clear as they can be to avoid hurting or upsetting me instead of worrying about exes…who he kept secret n I found out after 4 1/2 years!! I was shocked! I said I deserve better…he agreed so he knew he’d been out of order…so many things he was doing behind my back I had no idea until he got caught out joining fb n an email proved it n he shouted at me that it was ,want to be private lol there were two girls on his friends list n he had not even tried looking for me! Thanks for proving what your priorities are lol I just wish I could let go of his caring side as we had a strong connection HE actually stated…I wish I could meet someone special n kiss n forget the whole past relationship n move on big time but I have struggled…it sucks it really sucks

  5. gg March 7, 2014 at 9:16 pm #

    Thank for publishing this. This has helped put my mind back into perspective and see things as they are suppose to be again not how they used to be. amazing

  6. Angélique April 4, 2014 at 3:07 am #

    Absolutely brilliant. I just woke up feeling incredibly down and anxious. I read your article which really explains so well what I am going through. I need to experience the final desensitisation stage or my life will not improve and I will never experience possible happiness in another relationship.
    Thank you

  7. Mayla June 10, 2014 at 1:49 am #

    Well, i came across this to find out why the one im in love with now is not capable of moving on, and its the same case, after 2 years of break up, he still is stuck in the past..
    they were together for almost 8 years, he was willing to leave everything for her as he told me him when we were just friends, and she was the world for him.
    and when she broke up with him, months or a year later, she got engaged and is planning to get married, they do not communicate..
    but he is stuck in this past that he’s not letting go with me,
    his happiness is with her, and it ended there he says.
    Like he reached a peak of happiness with here, that anything after that would be happiness but not at that level.
    It hurts to hear and know that,
    i feel helpless sometimes, and not strong enough to carry on from there..
    but im still there, he says he loves me and all..and im the closest someone that ever reached this level after her, cause he dated few girls after the breakup.
    I still didnt win him,or win his heart..
    he knows that the past is past.he accepted it ended..
    he meditated.. and did all of that, but what’s written in the article is quite amazing, about ex’s name = happiness.. tht was the missing piece that i cldnt understand..
    but i still dont know what i can do to fix that.. knowing he won’t be able or willing to get that

  8. T June 22, 2014 at 4:23 am #

    fall in love but never ever give your heart away to someone, when you put the other person on a pedestal you will get hurt when they prove they are not worthy… I have moved on from some of the hardest relationships and with each ending I have become wiser and stronger. After 20 years of being on this love journey…I still have no regrets and I always forgive those who have hurt me as well as I hope I am forgiven to those I have hurt.

  9. Izabella July 22, 2014 at 6:34 am #

    Thank YOU Very Much! This article definitely was a wake up call and a great tool to finish off with my pseudo hopes and expectations. Your line: “I let go of [Ex’s Name] with love and clear myself of chains to the past to make way for new love to enter my life” truly reach out to me. An equation statement ex= happiness no longer true in my mind. I forgive and forget.This mini death experience made me a new person. I feel much stringer and I started actually living and appreciate Life.

  10. JusB July 27, 2014 at 3:29 am #

    Finding this post came just at the right time. My ex and I broke up four years ago, and for the first two years, I established NC and thought that what I was feeling was the indifference I needed to get over him. What it was, in fact, was raw, heartfelt hatred and rage — not only for him, but towards myself for not being strong enough to read the signs that we would never work out.

    For these last two years, we’ve attempted a bit of a friendship — and it might have worked had my ex, now married for three years, hadn’t all but begged to know if I still loved and wanted him. He has no intention of leaving his wife — and despite my still caring about him, I don’t want him back. The mind games he played originally, whether he realized he was doing it, nearly broke me. I never want to experience that pain again.

    I’m reaching an interesting crossroads where I can almost FEEL the real man of my dreams coming my way, and I want to be totally ready to accept him. I’m going to take your affirmation (if you don’t mind :P) and use it at the recommended frequency. I know that I (and everybody) deserves to have true, requited love, and this would be such a welcome miracle if it works. Thank you again for sharing your story.

  11. cheryl August 26, 2014 at 7:45 pm #

    Im meeting my ex husband tonight. Im glad I came across this artical. I was with him for 6 years on and off. He cheated, lied, faked cancer, several times and i went back each time. I was in love with him. I believed he was my happiness.

    I finally left and divorced him. But still held on to the fact that we would still be together and that he could change. I know deep in my heart that he want. I know he loves me in his own way. again I have started a new relationship with a most amazing man, but i still think of my ex daily. I will use this method and I just want to move on and let him go. I have forgave him and h knows I could never truly trust him again.

    I am a surviour! I know i can laugh again the way i did with him. I put him on a pedistal.. He says he will do anyting for me and that he still loves me.. but i want closure and i want him to know he lost a good thing…

    I have a story to tell and i want other women out there to know the signs for a nartisitc personality. one day I will write the story.

    thanks for the information

  12. Lilac October 2, 2014 at 2:14 am #

    I wrote to an ex after 20 years just to say hello because I read that there was a natural disaster in his area that ruined a lot of property.
    He ignored the communication. I wrote again, asking if everything was OK.
    He wrote back saying that the felt uncomfortable hearing from me and wanted me to stop all communication. He wished me the best at the end of a 4-line note.
    We parted amicably and for a few years he wrote me until I moved to another country. I didn’t tell him I was leaving the country.
    Could he possibly still have feelings for me after all these years? He certainly didn’t seem to be indifferent.
    I was kind of shocked by his negativity. I thought we would be forever friends even if we didn’t communicate for many years. We’re both is solid long-term relationships.
    I would think that he should have been able to be cool about hearing from an ex from many years ago, who lives very far away and us both being in stable relationships.
    Could he still have feelings for me?

  13. Raoul October 26, 2014 at 8:32 pm #

    Thanks for the story Eddie. I am quite surprised most of the reactions here are from women. And also the fact that they say men can be idiots at any age ;). Believe me when I say that girls can be fools too ;). I only broke up 16 days ago. After being together for about three years and living together in our cozy apartment, where we enjoyed every single moment we had and told each other we would work for each other during bad times. I have noticed we started to grow apart from one another more than five months ago. She went on holidays with friends (both guys and girls) and came back as a different person. Later I found out she had cheated on me with one of the guys and even still texted him and saw him frequently after being back home. These weeks I experienced as very confusing. We were so happy before her trip, and after her being back she suddenly blamed me for everything. I didn’t give her enough freedom, our relationship was boring, she wanted to travel and see more of the world etc etc. Then some weeks later I found out about the guy. She cried, wanted me back, said how guilty she felt and how she wanted to work on our relationship. And as stupid as I am I gave her another chance. However, with the agreement that she would actively do her best to make things better. For example by seeking help at a psychologist. Unfortunately she never kept her promise. Later on I found out she lied to me again and again. Kept texting other boys and hurt me over and over again. Then she left me. Today I heard from friends that she is sleeping around with basically everyone possible and how she is so open minded to every guy. I feel treated so shit. I always gave my very best for both of us, was good for her, cooked for her, gave her full freedom but I was paid back with a knive in my back. And it seems like she has already forgotten me. That hurts. I hope that also I can say I am over it within a short amount of time. I know for sure typing out my thoughts helps me right now. It just feels funny how a person can tell you she loves you one day, and then be in bed with another person the other day. I hope I will get over this soon. P.s. I am no native, so my english might be off now and then.

  14. Yauna November 4, 2014 at 5:26 am #

    Hi This was a wonderful article to read. I recently broke up with my ex back in June. We were together for 5.5 years. One day we were talking and I told her that she was selfish and that day ( a day I will never forget), she told me she needed some time to work on herself, because she didn’t want to lose me. I trusted her word that she will be back, but she never really came back. She was there but not emotionally. I found out that she was talking to other Guys and that really hurt me. She had told me over and over again that she loves me and that she is still in love with me but we can’t be together right now. Every time I try the no contact phase, she will call me over and over and over again. I will eventually answer and we are back at the I love you stage. I want to get over her, but I just can’t let her go. I thought that we would be together forever, but now I feel like it was just all a dream. I pray that I am able to get over her without having a emotional break down.

  15. Stacie December 31, 2014 at 7:38 pm #

    I am so glad I read this article. I love my ex so much and still do. Sometimes I think I’m crazy for loving him so much but I also understand that I must move on to better my life. He cheated on me several times when we were together and even cried like a baby the first time he got caught cheating for me to take him back. I held on to the guy that I thought he could be rather than the guy he actually is. Even after we broke up we talked almost every day (not a good idea) He wanted to be friends so I agreed but I still loved him so much. He would tell me he loved me and wanted to get back together but his actions were different. One day I ran into him in the mall with his new girlfriend that he had previously denied seeing. I told her that we had been together and he denied it and threatened to call security on me. She seemed unbotheted and it let me see that he truly never cared and everything was just a game for him. Of course he called and apologized and wants to get back together. This just happened a few days ago but I know I must move on and let him go. He has hurt me enough already.

  16. Jenn January 25, 2015 at 5:22 am #

    Hi, thank you for writing this article. Today I was feeling a bit down because I miss my ex so much. Recently he broke up with me after 3 years of dating and the way he did it was painful. I traveled to Korea to see him and to spend time with him but things went to a different direction.. and his excuse for breaking up was that I was sensitive and I was different to his past experiences with girls… those words made me feel like I was a failure and etc. However I decided to go see him again to fiz ohr relationship but he acted like he didn’t care.. I was there alone because he was always “busy” and I only got to see him one time.. but guess what he did?! He went to see me to the place I was staying at and he just went straight to sleep . I understand he worked all night but we did not talk about us.. he would only complain about his life and etc. At that moment I felt bad for him so I let him sleep.. but he promised to see me again and that did not happen.. he didn’t reply to my messages or calls.. it has been almost 2 months and I have not heard anything from him since then. I have sent him so many messages but still no reply. I feel stupid but at the same time I miss him so much, my first love, my first boyfriend.. I feel pain everyday but I hope one day not too far from today I will be okay.

  17. Al March 1, 2015 at 12:28 pm #

    Hi Eddie,

    I cant believe i am back here again after 2 years. your articles helped me immensely when i was going through a hard time letting go of an Ex i broke up with.

    Indeed there were a whole lot of tangible reasons why i broke up with her. However, i still maintained contact with her which was what had kept me in this situation i am in, even after 4 years of breaking up with her. I remember back then that i started the journey to recovery pretty well and stayed out of contact with her for three months and as always the case had been i continuously i allowed her in only find out that things are still the same even though it always felt lovely to have her back in my life. I went on and off the no contact rule every 3 months for 4 conservative times.

    My down side is, i always gave her the chance to come back as a friend only to find out that i had not fully let go and was still wishing for the opportunity to be together. Surprisingly she always comes back when things do not go right with the current relationship she finds herself in. Well, i believe the problem is solely mine because i made it clear to her that it would not work but i still held on to her only for her to find a new person and leave. i am really torturing myself by doing this over and over again but i just can not master the courage to say enough is enough i am letting go even if i loose a leg in doing so.

    Well, here am i again starting afresh the road to recovery. i have learnt a lot of lessons and i hope my emotions do not crowd my judgement anymore so that i can see what has happened for what it is.

    I miss her though but i will continue to stick to my reasons for breaking up with her and try harder to move on. All the best to me i guess and i truly want to say i wish her well but it hurts because i know this time round she is not coming back anymore.



  18. Niyati Melody March 5, 2015 at 10:03 am #


    I think yours will be the article and the advice in it that is going to make me get over my devastating break up of a 5-year relationship (he cheated, is with her now, moving fast and it’ll be a year soon).

    Thanks for potentially changing my life.


    • Eddie Corbano March 5, 2015 at 11:35 am #

      I’m very sorry for what happened, just follow the advice here and you’ll be feeling better soon.

      Hang in there!

      Your friend,

  19. Barefoot Assasin March 7, 2015 at 11:06 pm #

    my ex has always been insecure about me being in the last year and her being in the first year of college. Am graduating this year and she got on my nerves so bad that i said something very brutal and that kind of summarized or terminated our relationship. I did the no contact rule, she called me and cancelled her calls. But the what bugs me a lot is the idea that if i continue this she will just be with another guy. Trust me, this girl is very hot and just today she won the University beauty competition and some guys started saying stuff about me being mad and stupid for letting such a great creation go. As am writing this its eating me up and lord knows i have tried. What should i do ?

  20. taylor March 25, 2015 at 10:35 am #

    that indifference does not sound liberating it sounds and feels so wasteful and sad. My ex had that indifference and it pisses me off. I was an excellent BF and deserve to be thought of as more than a rock or tree on the side of the road.

  21. kyle April 22, 2015 at 1:10 am #

    Does anybody have kids and deal with this stuff? It’s been a whole year since my ex wife destroyed my soul and I hold extreme anger and hatred that consumes me. I have 2 of our 3 kids and they are what keeps me sane. But my HATE for her grows stronger everyday and although I believe I’m healed of heartbreak, my hate stops me from loving myself or figuring out what i really want with my life. Nothing helps, all i can do is read these online blogs to feel like I’m not alone. I’m scared I’ll hate her for the rest of my or her life.

  22. Don April 26, 2015 at 2:51 pm #

    I am about to break up with my wife of 24 years as she is on chat rooms with other men and has treated me horribly! I have been loving faithful and have done so much for her!
    I am now starting to realize that I will be much better off with out her and miss the 2 dogs that she is taking with her then her! I hope to find a woman that wants a loving and faithful man!
    It is so sad because we had so much together! She would rather chat with a bunch of losers on line! She will only find unhappiness and guys that will treat her like shit!
    Then again maybe thats what she needs and deserves!

  23. Sherry May 7, 2015 at 9:48 pm #

    Thank you for your article. I broke up with my fiance and I’m currently in the emotional roller coaster phase. It has only been a month but he said has “completely let go” already, acting very indifferent. It makes me feel so unimportant as if the whole relationship wasn’t real, but hearing that was critical for me to heal.

    Reading your article gave me insight in the following healing process. Thanks.

  24. Vasiliki May 13, 2015 at 7:21 pm #

    I broke up with my ex about 2 months ago, we weren’t in a relationship for very long (2 months) but we were a part of each other’s lives for about 9 months. I broke up with him because he lied to me and didn’t treat me the way I deserved to be treated. He would always act funny and a lot of his excuses sometimes wouldn’t make sense. I have no solid evidence to this day but I do believe he may have been cheating on me as well. Another thing was that he changed. When we first met he was so great and so affectionate! But once we got into a relationship it was as if he stopped trying! As if he didn’t have to try anymore because he “finally had me”. He was my first boyfriend and God I miss him so much….. The pain in unbearable at times but I have been doing NC since the day we broke up (we haven’t been in contact at all since that day). He has since moved on and started seeing another girl 2 weeks after the breakup which totally destroyed me. I know that I am much better off without him but I still care for him so much….I hope that I can get through this and come out of this in one piece. God bless you Eddie this website has been so helpful during my dark moments. I wish everyone on here the best with their journeys and may you all find the peace, love, and happiness you so truly deserve

  25. Tim June 2, 2015 at 1:05 am #

    So I found myself here after looking up things that related to my situation. My situation involves me struggling for months and I’m talking tears everyday, loss of weight, and all the long list of things that I’m sure most of you reading this could relate to. However, in the last month or two, I have started to gain my smile back, my energy, and some would say I seem to be happy again. I would agree that I do feel a lot better and have even thought to myself that I was in the last stage of being completely over her. I started to put days and weeks together of being able to work without her on my mind every second. And I literally think it was every second for at least 2 months maybe 3 months straight. I was finally able to hear the country music on the job radio without damn near crying every time I heard a “reminder” song. With that being said, I started to make all this progress and then for some reason I have suffered what I consider a setback. I’m having a few episodes of crying which I haven’t had in a while and I’m starting to think about her more frequently again. It’s kind of weird, there hasn’t been a phone call or a break of No Contact. There may have possibly been a dream which actually may explain everything but I’m really not sure why or what the reason is for this setback. I’m going on two weeks now of excessive thoughts similar to before any progress. Any thoughts people?

  26. Sad Girl June 12, 2015 at 10:40 pm #

    Hello All,

    I came across this e-mail and made me feel a bit better of my situation. I just broke up with my ex after 5 years, on and off which seems to be the common scenario here. When we first met everything was great!!! I met him at baseball game and he seemed to be ery interested in me an after that day we were always together. When I first met him, he said that he was going thru a break-up with his girlfriend and that she was “crazy” and a complete “psycho” That should have been the first red flag. After a few weeks of hanging out he asked if we could see each other more and that he really liked me. I was hesitant because I knew that he was still going thru a break-up with this woman, which he said he couldn’t stand, but still spoke to her every day. After month of dating, he asked me to be his girlfriend. He had told me that he has absolutely no contact with his ex or any of the other women that he was dating, that he began to fall in love with me. After a while of being exclusive, I began getting calls and texts from his ex, saying that he was still in love with her and that he would not leave her alone. She and I met and she showed me texts, letter, and the call logs, she was not lying. He claimed that she was “his love, his world, his everything.” I was completely heart broken and decided that I could not continue on with this relationship. He and I broke up for a 4 months and I lost weight and was finally moving on. He called me every day and came to my home asking me back and that he could let her and other go, that he loved me. After a few weeks of begging, I gave him another chance, I LOVED him and thought ” ex=happiness” that is far from the truth. He was very convincing that I thought we were happy again. After a few days, again, the calls and text from his ex and other women began to come in. I confronted him and asked how they got my number, even after I had changed it, he said “I don’t know! You probably gave it to them, since you are more concerned about them then me.” I was suspicious and one day decided o go thru his phone. His texts to his ex were the same he would send to me. That he loved her and wanted o marry her and wanted to be with her. That I meant nothing to him and that he was with my out of pity. There were not only messages to her, but several other women. Inappropriate messages. After that I ended it. I confronted him and he said that he only said those things because he wanted to make sure that I loved him and that the texts were only words that he did not see them, but I knew that it was all lies, from the texts exchanged. Again, I began to move on with my life and he continued to not let me go. After 5 months, I gave him another chance, at this point we moved in together, thinking again that he has changed. The first day that we had moved into our new home, I find out that he had picked an area where is ex lived 2 blocks away from us. I was shattered, not wonder he didn’t want me to have input in where we lived. I confronted him, he told me that she had shoved in, but that he didn’t know where she exactly lived, I knew that was not true. I let it go and things turned bad. I travel for work and one night I received pictures from his sex to my phone of her and him in my home and in bed, cuddling. Her texts read ” HA HA HA I WIN!!” As soon as I got home I moved immediately with my parents and let me go. He searched and searched me for days saying how sorry he was and how much he loved me and that he made a mistake, it was a “blurry night and full of alcohol” I never forgave him. After 5 months again, I was in the best shape of my life, because he would tell me how fat I was and that he couldn’t be with a fat girl, to get in shape. In the beginning I worked out to get back at him, but then I actually enjoyed it. I always struggled with my weight. One day I was walking home and he caught me outside my house again, begging me to take him back that nothing happened with his ex and that they were just friends, but that I meant more to him then her. I took him back again, I loved him terribly! He was good for a few months, attentive loving and no talking to his ex or other women. after 8 months he began to speak to her again and not only to her, but to other women. Telling me ” I have friends!! GET OVER IT!” Wouldn’t you want to make sure that the woman you claim to “love” is happy? If you know you have problems when your partner finds out you are speaking to your ex or other women, would you quit? He never did and still to this day continues to do so. After a while he changed. Drinking and using drugs and violent towards me. I couldn’t take it anymore and I decided to keep away from this emotional and physically violent person. I noticed that we were no longer speaking as much and we were very distant. I spoke to him about this and I told him I did not feel this was a healthy or good relationship anymore. That I was done with all the lies, manipulation and abuse. He told me, “I will always love you and you are mine. You need to work on yourself and once you are together, we can get back together. Just work on yourself, especially your diet. I have noticed you have been gaining some weight and it drives me crazy” I just shook my head and said goodbye. I am very happy that I came across this article, hopefully, someone else has gone thru something similar t my experience. I have written down you quote ” I let go of [Ex’s Name] with love and clear myself of chains to the past to make way for new love to enter my life” and I plan to star today. I need to remember who I was and what I love. Even though, he was a horrible about admitting this, I still love him and I hope to let go for good this time. He is 10 years older then me and is great shape. I always felt less then him when we were out even though I dressed up and tried to look good, make-up, shoes, hair, nails, tan skin….ect and I was still not good enough for him, But, I am starting to know that he was the one that was not good for me.

    Thank you for listening and I wish all those broken hearts a rainbow of happiness at the end of the tunnel.

    Sad Girl

  27. Cal June 18, 2015 at 9:26 pm #

    How do you reconcile the advice of confronting your ex with the no contact rule? What is the pretense you would use for such a meeting (Can’t exactly say “Hey there, after 2 years I’m still not totally over you, and I want to meet up just so I can see if I can feel indifferent about you”)? Is this to be a one-time only meeting and then you resume no contact and cut them out of your life?

  28. Crystal July 1, 2015 at 4:06 pm #

    I absolutely loved your article. I’ve been trying to get over my ex for what feels like forever, and I know I’m changing in leaps and bounds. I was just wondering what song it was that changed everything for you?

    • Eddie Corbano July 2, 2015 at 8:26 pm #

      Unfortunately I have no idea… I’ve been trying to find that out for years but never heard it again. Weird.

  29. Connie August 7, 2015 at 5:15 am #

    I still love my ex husband, but he has moved on with someone else. And, he avoids me now because of her. After our divorce, we remained friends for two years and even tried reconciliation, but he wasn’t fully on board. I guess we both had doubts and concerns. But, I miss him terribly and regret not reconciliating. I needed some more time to sort things out. And, he seemed to need that too. Now, it’s too late. He has a new woman and stopped contacting me. A part of me wants to respect them and not interfere. But, I still love and care for him so much it’s hurting. I wonder if I should let him know. Most likely, he will turn me down. But, maybe that’s what I need in order to get over him. Advice is appreciated.

    • Eddie Corbano August 7, 2015 at 9:07 pm #

      I advice against it… a negative response (or no response at all) will throw you miles back in your recovery and destroy your self-esteem. Don’t give him control over you!

  30. Cristin September 8, 2015 at 6:52 pm #

    I still love my ex. He never moved on…even though he admitted that most of what went wrong was within himself and he thought I did an great job dealing with it as things fell apart. I moved on (sort of). We both knew a man who was in love with me and I settled. I knew when I settled that I was settling, but I wanted a home, security and more children. The first couple years of my new relationship, my ex and I had back slides somewhat regulary. We would put rules in place to avoid the pitfalls, but one minute of laxness and there would be something as simple as a kiss that would shatter us. If you’ve ever seen 2 people where the sexual tension nearly sparks in the air…that is us. Trying to move on with my partner, I cut off all contact, except for him with his kids. I did not talk to him, I didn’t send him happy birthdays or Christmas cards. I could never quite bring myself to marry my partner though.
    Fast forward 14 years, I have 3 children with the man who loves me, a home, security AND an ever present unquenchable desire for my ex.
    In July I took our kids (his and mine with my partner) on vacation. Just me alone with the kids, but I had to stop by his house on the way back to drop 2 off for his visit. We sat and talked like no time had ever passed. I drank some wine trying to get the courage to really talk to him and then, foolish me, followed the wine with a beer. Doesn’t everyone know not to do that? I lost my cookies all over his deck and he was great about it. He hosed off the deck, got my shoes, took me to the car to get clean clothes and got me in the shower. Moment passed. Blessing? I don’t know.
    This past weekend I had to go to his Mom’s house to drop the kids off for a visit and stayed overnight because we were going to see an elder care lawyer the following morning regarding a care plan and guardianship for his aging mother and the whole conversation I wanted to have in July came to the surface in a sober atmosphere for both of us. I nearly touched his shoulder…seems so simple, but it would have been our complete undoing. I don’t know where to go from here. I have to think of my children (his and my partners) before myself. I want to hate him or be indifferent to him, but, in all honesty, I do not think that is ever possible. I want to love my partner who is not a bad person just not my ex. I might be a horrible person or maybe I am just human.

  31. hurting October 2, 2015 at 2:34 am #

    Hi Eddie.. i used ur site a long time ago when obsessing over my first break up. Eventually in time i go there but instantly found myself in an 18 month love triangle. It has finally come to a close and i understand all the reasons for moving on. My heart just cant accept it and im going through withdrawals. I also have to work with her. Any advice?

    Just want a happy life back.

  32. Nate October 6, 2015 at 4:32 am #

    Hey, I’m on the last step of letting go, I had a three year girlfriend and was in love with her( at least what I thought was love) but she cheated on me and then said she loved him as much as me and couldn’t choose between us, so I broke up with her. It broke my heart. Its been about a year and since then I had cried, thought about going back to her (didn’t), heard she got married to the dude, accepted that I’m better off, and had another girlfriend( we broke up too but we are still friends) and don’t really think about her, but I had a dream about her last night where me and her where happy together, and when I woke up I really missed her. All through out the work day I thought about her and the dream and it just made me sad. I havent thought about her for a couple months now and thought I was over her but know I’m having memories and stuff come back( all the good ones like staying up late txting, holding hands, dancing, just being with her) and it hurts, not as bad as when we broke up, but it still hurts.
    Any advice you can give me would really help, I’m just kinda lost on where to go from here.

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