When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves. – Viktor E. Frankl
Many years ago, I was on the road to meet a friend who lived in a town quite far away. This happened approximately a year and a half after my life-changing breakup.
I was OK back then. I was essentially over my Ex.
I had accepted the fact that it was over and I knew we wouldn't get back together again. I was already in another relationship, and yes she came to my mind now and then, but I was able to handle it.
Again, I was OK.
Or so I thought.
What happened on that long lonesome trip threw me off my path so completely that I would never have believed it was possible.
But on the other hand, it was a blessing because it was the last step I had to take to get over her completely and finally let go of her.
What happened?
It all started with a song.
Now I know what you think – not an “our song” kind of song. It was something completely different.
The radio played an unfamiliar song that touched me on such a deep level that I never thought was possible. The lyrics and the melody knocked me out completely.
This song brutally brought to my mind what I once had, and what I was missing so dearly for such a long time, even though I was already in another relationship.
It was there all the time, close to the surface, waiting to push through.
I pulled my car over and started to weep like a small child for over 30 minutes.
After I had composed myself again, I couldn't believe what had happened. Wasn't I over her? How come I lost it so easy?
Please read on.
The Last Resistance
While you move through all the phases of break-up recovery, with every step, you bring yourself closer to the ultimate goal or “the big indifference” as I call it.
“The big indifference” is something you need to say you are truly “over your Ex.”
Because one fact that remains, is that you're NOT over your Ex and you haven't let go until you can do this ONE thing:
Stand in front of them, talk to them and feel NOTHING.
Just a distant memory of a once held emotion. (I know that this seems impossible for you today, but ultimately this will happen).
But before you reach that goal, there is one big bump on the road – the one I was facing at that time, triggered by a simple love song.
What happened that day was that in spite of being over her, I just hadn't “let go of her” yet.
Where is the difference?
- I went through all the phases.
- I followed the No-Contact Rule.
- I suffered through the “emotional roller-coaster.”
- I consciously accepted the fact that we were not together and would never be again.
- I re-discovered myself and learned to live alone.
- I found a life-goal, loved myself and found a wonderful girl.
And after all that, I still broke down hearing a silly, cheesy song?
A Powerful Belief
My problem was that in my head there was this mathematical equation I had set up so long ago. It was simple but effective and still held power over me.
It looked like this:
[happiness] = [Ex's Name]
and
no [Ex's Name] = no [happiness]
A simple belief that was so powerful, that it made me break down after 1 1/2 years of breakup recovery.
It was there from the beginning without me even realizing it. Lurking, waiting to come out in the open.
Never underestimate the power of a single belief.
Now that I knew what went wrong, what held me back all this time, I could approach that problem directly.
I did that in two ways.
How To Finally Let Go Of Your Ex
I knew how powerful affirmations are. I used them heavily in the “Acceptance” phase, so I was confident that they would help me also with this problem.
Affirmations are the best way to change false beliefs, (break-up recovery essentially boils down to one thing – changing a set of dominant beliefs).
So I came up with this one:
“I let go of [Ex's Name] with love and clear myself of chains to the past to make way for new love to enter my life.”
Applied as usual: 3 times a day, 25 times in front of a mirror and one time in writing.
Let me tell you – it worked WONDERS.
After only 14 days, I felt a huge relief – as if a heavy weight I didn't even know existed – was being lifted from my shoulders.
The invisible blockade that was lingering in my newly formed relationship was removed so it started to thrive, and an overall well-being flooded my soul.
That was it.
Mission accomplished?
Not yet. One last thing to do.
Remember? The “big indifference.”
Well, that turned out very unexpectedly.
Three weeks after that road-trip-incident, I received a strange letter. It was an invitation to a wedding.
You guessed right.
The Final Pedestal-Test
My Ex was about to get married, and she invited ME to it.
I don't have to tell you how I felt at that moment. I mean, even after 1 1/2 years it still was a huge shock. I knew that she had a new boyfriend, but she was getting married?
As much as I was shocked about this, I knew that this was THE opportunity to test whether I had reached the “top” of my break-up recovery journey.
So I decided to go.
But I can tell you, to say I was anxious about it is an understatement. I was terrified. But I realized how important this could be for me.
The day of the wedding celebration approached and in my mind, I was there a thousand times already. I knew what I planned to do.
I would react as if nothing ever happened, putting on a big smile, but I still had that lingering fear of suffering a meltdown like what had occurred on that road.
Luckily it turned out differently.
Fast forward to the wedding celebration, entering the ballroom, seeing her for the first time after 12 months …
And I felt NOTHING.
Absolutely NOTHING.
Like I was looking at a complete stranger.
She seemed to be more afraid of it than I was because she completely avoided eye-contact at all costs.
At that time, I was in great shape, in fact, the best shape of my life. I was confident, cocky, well dressed.
In short – I was a catch.
At first, I thought, “[her name] look what you are missing out on and look what a jerk you have standing next to you,” and I really smiled thinking this.
But then it shifted.
Suddenly I started to care less and less about what she was thinking of me. I was just in the now, enjoying the moment.
It was as if I suddenly got a good portion of power back that I was missing for so long. Slowly I started to feel free again.
Really free.
So I went up to them, and everybody was staring at me wondering what I would do, (most of the guests knew my former relationship to the bride).
I stood in front of them in that super cool black suit I wore, and I heartily congratulated them both on their wedding.
I wished them all the best for their forthcoming life together and went back to my table. Full of confidence, pride, and power.
I never felt better in my life than I did that day.
I had people coming up to me congratulating me for what I did and for the way I did it.
It was a complete victory.
It was the day I finally let go of my Ex and started a new life.
How To Take The Last Step of Getting Over Your Ex
Now, I don't recommend doing what I did back then as a test whether you are over your Ex or not.
The implications could be disastrous.
At the beginning of your break-up recovery journey, it is advisable to decline invitations like the one I got respectfully.
Whether it's time or not to face your Ex solely depends on your progress in your recovery. Do it at the beginning, and you will crash and burn. Instead, do it when you:
- have accepted the fact that you're no longer together
- do not want them back
- have gone through the emotional roller-coaster
- basically feel alright
and you will profit from it.
For me, it was 1 1/2 years after the break-up, which was actually rather late. It took me a while to figure out how you can speed up the recovery process substantially.
For me, it was exactly the right time for what I needed to do. If I hadn't, my recovery most certainly would have gone on much longer.
So what is letting go?
Letting go is a conscious process of discarding the belief that only your Ex holds the key to your happiness.It is the final step you need to take before you can say that you are over your Ex, and you are ready to start a new relationship.
But what if your Ex is not available for confrontation?
Then we must take hold of different measures.
The Desensitization Method
There is a technique where you consciously expose yourself to your memories with your Ex in order to “desensitize”.
You do this for one hour by going through your pictures, videos, and stored memories.
The most important thing here is to dig deep really and to allow yourself to get into it completely.
Get emotional, cry if you have to. Continue despite the pain you feel, and do this until you feel numb.
It's basically the same as confronting your Ex, only “virtually.”
After you've done this you will feel exhausted and completely numb and indifferent.
Good. This means it worked.
But again, only do this if you fit the preconditions I've listed above! Otherwise, it will throw you miles back. Trust me.
Conclusion
If your break-up was longer than one year ago and you have gone through the main phases of break-up recovery – and you generally feel OK, but still feel there is something holding you back … then I recommend taking this “last step.”
I get many emails from readers asking the same thing. They cannot believe that after that much time, they still suffer:
I do wonder though, why after a full year, I'm still thinking about him as much as I do. I worry that I cannot move on fully.
The reason for this is, in most cases, an unrealistic over-idealization of the Ex.
Consciously letting go means saying goodbye to that limiting belief that only your Ex means happiness and no one else.
I did that back then and it almost instantly improved my life, my relationship, and my view of life.
I am sure you can too.
Your friend,
Eddie Corbano
Hi Eddie.. i used ur site a long time ago when obsessing over my first break up. Eventually in time i go there but instantly found myself in an 18 month love triangle. It has finally come to a close and i understand all the reasons for moving on. My heart just cant accept it and im going through withdrawals. I also have to work with her. Any advice?
Just want a happy life back.
I still love my ex. He never moved on…even though he admitted that most of what went wrong was within himself and he thought I did an great job dealing with it as things fell apart. I moved on (sort of). We both knew a man who was in love with me and I settled. I knew when I settled that I was settling, but I wanted a home, security and more children. The first couple years of my new relationship, my ex and I had back slides somewhat regulary. We would put rules in place to avoid the pitfalls, but one minute of laxness and there would be something as simple as a kiss that would shatter us. If you’ve ever seen 2 people where the sexual tension nearly sparks in the air…that is us. Trying to move on with my partner, I cut off all contact, except for him with his kids. I did not talk to him, I didn’t send him happy birthdays or Christmas cards. I could never quite bring myself to marry my partner though.
Fast forward 14 years, I have 3 children with the man who loves me, a home, security AND an ever present unquenchable desire for my ex.
In July I took our kids (his and mine with my partner) on vacation. Just me alone with the kids, but I had to stop by his house on the way back to drop 2 off for his visit. We sat and talked like no time had ever passed. I drank some wine trying to get the courage to really talk to him and then, foolish me, followed the wine with a beer. Doesn’t everyone know not to do that? I lost my cookies all over his deck and he was great about it. He hosed off the deck, got my shoes, took me to the car to get clean clothes and got me in the shower. Moment passed. Blessing? I don’t know.
This past weekend I had to go to his Mom’s house to drop the kids off for a visit and stayed overnight because we were going to see an elder care lawyer the following morning regarding a care plan and guardianship for his aging mother and the whole conversation I wanted to have in July came to the surface in a sober atmosphere for both of us. I nearly touched his shoulder…seems so simple, but it would have been our complete undoing. I don’t know where to go from here. I have to think of my children (his and my partners) before myself. I want to hate him or be indifferent to him, but, in all honesty, I do not think that is ever possible. I want to love my partner who is not a bad person just not my ex. I might be a horrible person or maybe I am just human.
Hi Christin my situation is similar to yours and the article. I have been split from my ex for nearly one and a half years. We were together for 8 although it was on and off at the end.
So a little bit of background. I have aspergers so can struggle with intense situations but on the whole do OK, my ex has low self-esteem and wanted to spend nearly every available moment with me, she also has her own very strong moral compass and she felt others and myself should act as she would, which would cause lots of conflict between us.
Basically when we were good we were great she was my best friend and I believed sole mate but when things weren’t good it was stifling and becamet o much for me. Eventually I left her for good and tried moving on with my life.
I did no contact for about 6 months & when she contacted me I was pretty much OK with it despite thinking about her everyday, the contact lasted a few days via text message then faded away this happens every 3 or so months now, I never ask if she’s seeing anyone as I don’t want to know but just assumed she was/had and I always kept things brief. I am still friends with her brother on facebook but not her and we never discuss her.
Fast forward to now, I’m in a new relationship for sometime with someone who is very understanding of my condition, it is going well although I still think about my ex in some form all be it briefly on a daily basis. 2 weeks ago my ex texts again and we have a brief conversation about the cat we got together and she said she now realizes she has issues, I didn’t want to comment too much but told her she was brave to admit it and it was the first step to getting help, she agreed and the conversation ended with the usual “speak soon”
2 days ago I was on facebook about to go to bed and I saw a picture of her brothers family, I was about to comment when I saw that she already had done and her profile picture was of her and another man looking really happy, it was like being shot, I instantly closed facebook and tried to distract myself but got hardly any sleep. I got a friend to bloke her profile for me so I wouldn’t have to see it again and have restricted what I can see from her brother.
For some reason this has hit me hard, it’s not with me all the time but I’m struggling to sleep and when I do my dreams are about her. I thought I was pretty much over her, I still have love for her and want her to be OK and happy but I was moving forward with my life and thought I was doing well, I was doing fine with the brief occasional contact we had and felt fairly indifferent about it. I always new that she would start a new relationship at some point and has every right to but for some reason it has been a blow to me and I don’t want it to effect my current relationship or my life but I’m starting to wonder if subconsciously I’ve been holding on to hope concerning my ex.
Who else been/going through something similar and how did/do you manage?
I still love my ex husband, but he has moved on with someone else. And, he avoids me now because of her. After our divorce, we remained friends for two years and even tried reconciliation, but he wasn’t fully on board. I guess we both had doubts and concerns. But, I miss him terribly and regret not reconciliating. I needed some more time to sort things out. And, he seemed to need that too. Now, it’s too late. He has a new woman and stopped contacting me. A part of me wants to respect them and not interfere. But, I still love and care for him so much it’s hurting. I wonder if I should let him know. Most likely, he will turn me down. But, maybe that’s what I need in order to get over him. Advice is appreciated.
I advice against it… a negative response (or no response at all) will throw you miles back in your recovery and destroy your self-esteem. Don’t give him control over you!
I absolutely loved your article. I’ve been trying to get over my ex for what feels like forever, and I know I’m changing in leaps and bounds. I was just wondering what song it was that changed everything for you?
Unfortunately I have no idea… I’ve been trying to find that out for years but never heard it again. Weird.
How do you reconcile the advice of confronting your ex with the no contact rule? What is the pretense you would use for such a meeting (Can’t exactly say “Hey there, after 2 years I’m still not totally over you, and I want to meet up just so I can see if I can feel indifferent about you”)? Is this to be a one-time only meeting and then you resume no contact and cut them out of your life?
Hello All,
I came across this e-mail and made me feel a bit better of my situation. I just broke up with my ex after 5 years, on and off which seems to be the common scenario here. When we first met everything was great!!! I met him at baseball game and he seemed to be ery interested in me an after that day we were always together. When I first met him, he said that he was going thru a break-up with his girlfriend and that she was “crazy” and a complete “psycho” That should have been the first red flag. After a few weeks of hanging out he asked if we could see each other more and that he really liked me. I was hesitant because I knew that he was still going thru a break-up with this woman, which he said he couldn’t stand, but still spoke to her every day. After month of dating, he asked me to be his girlfriend. He had told me that he has absolutely no contact with his ex or any of the other women that he was dating, that he began to fall in love with me. After a while of being exclusive, I began getting calls and texts from his ex, saying that he was still in love with her and that he would not leave her alone. She and I met and she showed me texts, letter, and the call logs, she was not lying. He claimed that she was “his love, his world, his everything.” I was completely heart broken and decided that I could not continue on with this relationship. He and I broke up for a 4 months and I lost weight and was finally moving on. He called me every day and came to my home asking me back and that he could let her and other go, that he loved me. After a few weeks of begging, I gave him another chance, I LOVED him and thought ” ex=happiness” that is far from the truth. He was very convincing that I thought we were happy again. After a few days, again, the calls and text from his ex and other women began to come in. I confronted him and asked how they got my number, even after I had changed it, he said “I don’t know! You probably gave it to them, since you are more concerned about them then me.” I was suspicious and one day decided o go thru his phone. His texts to his ex were the same he would send to me. That he loved her and wanted o marry her and wanted to be with her. That I meant nothing to him and that he was with my out of pity. There were not only messages to her, but several other women. Inappropriate messages. After that I ended it. I confronted him and he said that he only said those things because he wanted to make sure that I loved him and that the texts were only words that he did not see them, but I knew that it was all lies, from the texts exchanged. Again, I began to move on with my life and he continued to not let me go. After 5 months, I gave him another chance, at this point we moved in together, thinking again that he has changed. The first day that we had moved into our new home, I find out that he had picked an area where is ex lived 2 blocks away from us. I was shattered, not wonder he didn’t want me to have input in where we lived. I confronted him, he told me that she had shoved in, but that he didn’t know where she exactly lived, I knew that was not true. I let it go and things turned bad. I travel for work and one night I received pictures from his sex to my phone of her and him in my home and in bed, cuddling. Her texts read ” HA HA HA I WIN!!” As soon as I got home I moved immediately with my parents and let me go. He searched and searched me for days saying how sorry he was and how much he loved me and that he made a mistake, it was a “blurry night and full of alcohol” I never forgave him. After 5 months again, I was in the best shape of my life, because he would tell me how fat I was and that he couldn’t be with a fat girl, to get in shape. In the beginning I worked out to get back at him, but then I actually enjoyed it. I always struggled with my weight. One day I was walking home and he caught me outside my house again, begging me to take him back that nothing happened with his ex and that they were just friends, but that I meant more to him then her. I took him back again, I loved him terribly! He was good for a few months, attentive loving and no talking to his ex or other women. after 8 months he began to speak to her again and not only to her, but to other women. Telling me ” I have friends!! GET OVER IT!” Wouldn’t you want to make sure that the woman you claim to “love” is happy? If you know you have problems when your partner finds out you are speaking to your ex or other women, would you quit? He never did and still to this day continues to do so. After a while he changed. Drinking and using drugs and violent towards me. I couldn’t take it anymore and I decided to keep away from this emotional and physically violent person. I noticed that we were no longer speaking as much and we were very distant. I spoke to him about this and I told him I did not feel this was a healthy or good relationship anymore. That I was done with all the lies, manipulation and abuse. He told me, “I will always love you and you are mine. You need to work on yourself and once you are together, we can get back together. Just work on yourself, especially your diet. I have noticed you have been gaining some weight and it drives me crazy” I just shook my head and said goodbye. I am very happy that I came across this article, hopefully, someone else has gone thru something similar t my experience. I have written down you quote ” I let go of [Ex’s Name] with love and clear myself of chains to the past to make way for new love to enter my life” and I plan to star today. I need to remember who I was and what I love. Even though, he was a horrible about admitting this, I still love him and I hope to let go for good this time. He is 10 years older then me and is great shape. I always felt less then him when we were out even though I dressed up and tried to look good, make-up, shoes, hair, nails, tan skin….ect and I was still not good enough for him, But, I am starting to know that he was the one that was not good for me.
Thank you for listening and I wish all those broken hearts a rainbow of happiness at the end of the tunnel.
Sad Girl
Well I have been going through the same things we broke after 4yrs and I found out he was with someone after the 3mnths living with her too but yet he still wants to have contact he will never admit that he slept with her or anything he keeps saying here are friends ,no I wasn’t the best girlfriend ,but for the last yr we separated I worked on myself giving my life to God and it still is very hard after I found out he was living with her I couldn’t eat, sleep and I lost a lot of weight.I asked him to talk one day cause I felt like I needed closure but he still will never admit anything ,he says he is hurt and that in order for him to get through this he wants to be friends ,I can’t believe crap. I hadto go through this whole thing alone cause no one understood how much I really loved this person actually, i had friends but we all were going through same things. I had to distance myself from people and work on me. Is has been hard but I have to let him go completely .I know what to do but it is hard I have my strong days and my weak moments .But I know the person i have become he doesn’t deserve .If he can be honest with himself and I shouldn’t expect him to be honest with me .
So I found myself here after looking up things that related to my situation. My situation involves me struggling for months and I’m talking tears everyday, loss of weight, and all the long list of things that I’m sure most of you reading this could relate to. However, in the last month or two, I have started to gain my smile back, my energy, and some would say I seem to be happy again. I would agree that I do feel a lot better and have even thought to myself that I was in the last stage of being completely over her. I started to put days and weeks together of being able to work without her on my mind every second. And I literally think it was every second for at least 2 months maybe 3 months straight. I was finally able to hear the country music on the job radio without damn near crying every time I heard a “reminder” song. With that being said, I started to make all this progress and then for some reason I have suffered what I consider a setback. I’m having a few episodes of crying which I haven’t had in a while and I’m starting to think about her more frequently again. It’s kind of weird, there hasn’t been a phone call or a break of No Contact. There may have possibly been a dream which actually may explain everything but I’m really not sure why or what the reason is for this setback. I’m going on two weeks now of excessive thoughts similar to before any progress. Any thoughts people?
I broke up with my ex about 2 months ago, we weren’t in a relationship for very long (2 months) but we were a part of each other’s lives for about 9 months. I broke up with him because he lied to me and didn’t treat me the way I deserved to be treated. He would always act funny and a lot of his excuses sometimes wouldn’t make sense. I have no solid evidence to this day but I do believe he may have been cheating on me as well. Another thing was that he changed. When we first met he was so great and so affectionate! But once we got into a relationship it was as if he stopped trying! As if he didn’t have to try anymore because he “finally had me”. He was my first boyfriend and God I miss him so much….. The pain in unbearable at times but I have been doing NC since the day we broke up (we haven’t been in contact at all since that day). He has since moved on and started seeing another girl 2 weeks after the breakup which totally destroyed me. I know that I am much better off without him but I still care for him so much….I hope that I can get through this and come out of this in one piece. God bless you Eddie this website has been so helpful during my dark moments. I wish everyone on here the best with their journeys and may you all find the peace, love, and happiness you so truly deserve
Thank you for your article. I broke up with my fiance and I’m currently in the emotional roller coaster phase. It has only been a month but he said has “completely let go” already, acting very indifferent. It makes me feel so unimportant as if the whole relationship wasn’t real, but hearing that was critical for me to heal.
Reading your article gave me insight in the following healing process. Thanks.
I am about to break up with my wife of 24 years as she is on chat rooms with other men and has treated me horribly! I have been loving faithful and have done so much for her!
I am now starting to realize that I will be much better off with out her and miss the 2 dogs that she is taking with her then her! I hope to find a woman that wants a loving and faithful man!
It is so sad because we had so much together! She would rather chat with a bunch of losers on line! She will only find unhappiness and guys that will treat her like shit!
Then again maybe thats what she needs and deserves!
Does anybody have kids and deal with this stuff? It’s been a whole year since my ex wife destroyed my soul and I hold extreme anger and hatred that consumes me. I have 2 of our 3 kids and they are what keeps me sane. But my HATE for her grows stronger everyday and although I believe I’m healed of heartbreak, my hate stops me from loving myself or figuring out what i really want with my life. Nothing helps, all i can do is read these online blogs to feel like I’m not alone. I’m scared I’ll hate her for the rest of my or her life.
that indifference does not sound liberating it sounds and feels so wasteful and sad. My ex had that indifference and it pisses me off. I was an excellent BF and deserve to be thought of as more than a rock or tree on the side of the road.
my ex has always been insecure about me being in the last year and her being in the first year of college. Am graduating this year and she got on my nerves so bad that i said something very brutal and that kind of summarized or terminated our relationship. I did the no contact rule, she called me and cancelled her calls. But the what bugs me a lot is the idea that if i continue this she will just be with another guy. Trust me, this girl is very hot and just today she won the University beauty competition and some guys started saying stuff about me being mad and stupid for letting such a great creation go. As am writing this its eating me up and lord knows i have tried. What should i do ?
Eddie,
I think yours will be the article and the advice in it that is going to make me get over my devastating break up of a 5-year relationship (he cheated, is with her now, moving fast and it’ll be a year soon).
Thanks for potentially changing my life.
-N
I’m very sorry for what happened, just follow the advice here and you’ll be feeling better soon.
Hang in there!
Your friend,
Eddie
Hi Eddie,
I cant believe i am back here again after 2 years. your articles helped me immensely when i was going through a hard time letting go of an Ex i broke up with.
Indeed there were a whole lot of tangible reasons why i broke up with her. However, i still maintained contact with her which was what had kept me in this situation i am in, even after 4 years of breaking up with her. I remember back then that i started the journey to recovery pretty well and stayed out of contact with her for three months and as always the case had been i continuously i allowed her in only find out that things are still the same even though it always felt lovely to have her back in my life. I went on and off the no contact rule every 3 months for 4 conservative times.
My down side is, i always gave her the chance to come back as a friend only to find out that i had not fully let go and was still wishing for the opportunity to be together. Surprisingly she always comes back when things do not go right with the current relationship she finds herself in. Well, i believe the problem is solely mine because i made it clear to her that it would not work but i still held on to her only for her to find a new person and leave. i am really torturing myself by doing this over and over again but i just can not master the courage to say enough is enough i am letting go even if i loose a leg in doing so.
Well, here am i again starting afresh the road to recovery. i have learnt a lot of lessons and i hope my emotions do not crowd my judgement anymore so that i can see what has happened for what it is.
I miss her though but i will continue to stick to my reasons for breaking up with her and try harder to move on. All the best to me i guess and i truly want to say i wish her well but it hurts because i know this time round she is not coming back anymore.
Br,
Al.
Hi, thank you for writing this article. Today I was feeling a bit down because I miss my ex so much. Recently he broke up with me after 3 years of dating and the way he did it was painful. I traveled to Korea to see him and to spend time with him but things went to a different direction.. and his excuse for breaking up was that I was sensitive and I was different to his past experiences with girls… those words made me feel like I was a failure and etc. However I decided to go see him again to fiz ohr relationship but he acted like he didn’t care.. I was there alone because he was always “busy” and I only got to see him one time.. but guess what he did?! He went to see me to the place I was staying at and he just went straight to sleep . I understand he worked all night but we did not talk about us.. he would only complain about his life and etc. At that moment I felt bad for him so I let him sleep.. but he promised to see me again and that did not happen.. he didn’t reply to my messages or calls.. it has been almost 2 months and I have not heard anything from him since then. I have sent him so many messages but still no reply. I feel stupid but at the same time I miss him so much, my first love, my first boyfriend.. I feel pain everyday but I hope one day not too far from today I will be okay.
I am so glad I read this article. I love my ex so much and still do. Sometimes I think I’m crazy for loving him so much but I also understand that I must move on to better my life. He cheated on me several times when we were together and even cried like a baby the first time he got caught cheating for me to take him back. I held on to the guy that I thought he could be rather than the guy he actually is. Even after we broke up we talked almost every day (not a good idea) He wanted to be friends so I agreed but I still loved him so much. He would tell me he loved me and wanted to get back together but his actions were different. One day I ran into him in the mall with his new girlfriend that he had previously denied seeing. I told her that we had been together and he denied it and threatened to call security on me. She seemed unbotheted and it let me see that he truly never cared and everything was just a game for him. Of course he called and apologized and wants to get back together. This just happened a few days ago but I know I must move on and let him go. He has hurt me enough already.
Hi This was a wonderful article to read. I recently broke up with my ex back in June. We were together for 5.5 years. One day we were talking and I told her that she was selfish and that day ( a day I will never forget), she told me she needed some time to work on herself, because she didn’t want to lose me. I trusted her word that she will be back, but she never really came back. She was there but not emotionally. I found out that she was talking to other Guys and that really hurt me. She had told me over and over again that she loves me and that she is still in love with me but we can’t be together right now. Every time I try the no contact phase, she will call me over and over and over again. I will eventually answer and we are back at the I love you stage. I want to get over her, but I just can’t let her go. I thought that we would be together forever, but now I feel like it was just all a dream. I pray that I am able to get over her without having a emotional break down.
Thanks for the story Eddie. I am quite surprised most of the reactions here are from women. And also the fact that they say men can be idiots at any age ;). Believe me when I say that girls can be fools too ;). I only broke up 16 days ago. After being together for about three years and living together in our cozy apartment, where we enjoyed every single moment we had and told each other we would work for each other during bad times. I have noticed we started to grow apart from one another more than five months ago. She went on holidays with friends (both guys and girls) and came back as a different person. Later I found out she had cheated on me with one of the guys and even still texted him and saw him frequently after being back home. These weeks I experienced as very confusing. We were so happy before her trip, and after her being back she suddenly blamed me for everything. I didn’t give her enough freedom, our relationship was boring, she wanted to travel and see more of the world etc etc. Then some weeks later I found out about the guy. She cried, wanted me back, said how guilty she felt and how she wanted to work on our relationship. And as stupid as I am I gave her another chance. However, with the agreement that she would actively do her best to make things better. For example by seeking help at a psychologist. Unfortunately she never kept her promise. Later on I found out she lied to me again and again. Kept texting other boys and hurt me over and over again. Then she left me. Today I heard from friends that she is sleeping around with basically everyone possible and how she is so open minded to every guy. I feel treated so shit. I always gave my very best for both of us, was good for her, cooked for her, gave her full freedom but I was paid back with a knive in my back. And it seems like she has already forgotten me. That hurts. I hope that also I can say I am over it within a short amount of time. I know for sure typing out my thoughts helps me right now. It just feels funny how a person can tell you she loves you one day, and then be in bed with another person the other day. I hope I will get over this soon. P.s. I am no native, so my english might be off now and then.
I wrote to an ex after 20 years just to say hello because I read that there was a natural disaster in his area that ruined a lot of property.
He ignored the communication. I wrote again, asking if everything was OK.
He wrote back saying that the felt uncomfortable hearing from me and wanted me to stop all communication. He wished me the best at the end of a 4-line note.
We parted amicably and for a few years he wrote me until I moved to another country. I didn’t tell him I was leaving the country.
Could he possibly still have feelings for me after all these years? He certainly didn’t seem to be indifferent.
I was kind of shocked by his negativity. I thought we would be forever friends even if we didn’t communicate for many years. We’re both is solid long-term relationships.
I would think that he should have been able to be cool about hearing from an ex from many years ago, who lives very far away and us both being in stable relationships.
Could he still have feelings for me?
After 20 YEARS I’m inclined to believe his response suggests he sees no point in risking whatever he has now over something in the distant past. His current girlfriend/wife could be the jealous type and he doesn’t need the aggravation.