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How To Break Up With Somebody In 7 Steps

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How To Break Up

Everybody knows that it‘s a devastating experience to be left by someone you really love, be it a break up or divorce. We all have gone through this at least one time in our life. But the fact that it is also very difficult to be the one who actually leaves is something you only know if you have experienced it.

So, the question arises: how to break up with someone?

Relationships come to an end possibly, the reasons are numerous.

They all have in common that one member of the relationship is dissatisfied and pulls back. Maybe he has tried for some time to adjust the relationship according to his wishes. If this fails, he usually quits emotionally long before the actual break up. That is often the reason why the “dumpee” has the impression that the “dumper” is cold hearted—he left mentally months ago.

How to decide if the relationship should be ended or not?

They say that breaking up is hard to do
Now I know, I know that it’s true
—NEIL SEDACA

Here are some guidelines you can consider when taking into account to end a relationship:

  • Does the relationship allow you to evolve according to your wishes?
  • Does the relationship fulfill your needs?
  • Is it possible to have goals together and achieve them?
  • Does your partner accept you as you are?
  • Can you resolve conflicts together?
  • Are you feeling good in your relationship?
  • Is the communication with your partner good?

If your answer to these question is in the majority “no” then it is probably time to move on.

So, you want to break up with your girlfriend/boyfriend and you don’t know how to do this? You’ve never done it before or wrong in the past and you could use a helping hand?

The first thing you have to realize is that there is no painless way.

It simply doesn’t exist. No magical words which take the pain away. It will hurt them and it may also hurt you. There is nothing you can do about this. You can only avoid some common mistakes and make it a little easier for them.

As you continue reading, you are about to learn the steps on how to break up with someone the best way. If you have made your decision, just use the following steps as a guideline.

How to break up with someone in 7 steps:

1. Keep a few days distance

It is very advisable to maintain some distance to your partner before you actually break up. This has many advantages. On one side you will gain some emotional distance, which is important to be able to go through the steps listed below.

On the other side, your partner will sense that something is about to happen and will hopefully emotionally prepare himself.

Just cut off contact for a week before. Do not give too much information, just say you’re busy.

2. Try to be sure about your decision

I know, that’s a tough one, especially when you love the person in question, or are very close to him/her.

Chances are that you were thinking about breaking up for a long time. You have come to the conclusion that you don’t fit together, have different expectations about life or were unable to resolve or get to the bottom of your conflicts. Maybe you have simply realized that you do not love your partner.

Either way, try to be sure that there is no chance of getting things right again. I wrote “try”, because I know that these things are not always easy to realize. You can be relatively positive on your decision, if you have tried for several times to work on your relationship by talking about your problems with your partner.

To help you with making the decision I suggest that you make a list with all the reasons why you want to break up and write a possible solution beside it. Then go through your list and reflect if you have done everything to solve the problems you’ve had.

By knowing the reasons for the upcoming break up you will on one hand be prepared for questions your partner might ask, on the other hand they will help you to cope with the break up yourself.

So, are you absolutely sure?

Next step.

continue reading next page »

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About The Author:

is a breakup-coach, relationship-advisor and founder of LovesAGame. He suffered from a devastating break up in 1998. Since then, he dedicated his life to helping others getting the best of this existential experience. The overcoming of a break up is an important step to autonomy and independency. Eddie Corbano developed some new coaching programs, which focus on evolving inner strength and the power to set and reach any personal goal. (Article written on September 10th, 2007)
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Category: Breaking Up
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  • Jill

    I want to break up with my boyfriend Jacques of a few years. I love him , he has great qualities but also major flaws that can no longer be overlooked.

    I want to take your advise on how to go about it. There is one major problem. I’m sensitive and cry easily. When I think of the things he’s said and done to me. The waterworks come on. He believes I do this to make him feel guilty.

    The fact is that he is heartless, and mean-spirited. He’s crushed my belief in love. How can this not hurt? As hard as I try to keep myself together tears still manage to roll down my face. ( i cried a few times while writing this )
    There is no way i can do this break up face to face. I want to do it in a way so we can both have closure and i can still walk away with my dignity. Crying is not an option. An e-mail? No…. I think there is no other way than to face him and look like a fool.
    Help! Please advise.

  • Kelly

    I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half, but i think i messed up somewhere along the process.

    I broke up with him over the phone because he was in jail. As selfish as it sounds, I figured that i am too young to stress over some one elses life, and although i love him and care for him dearly, there were too many holes in our relationship. But the truth is that i do eventually want to get back together with him once his life is back on track and im ready for a serious relationship, and i told him this.

    The problem is that now, in all his anger and rage, he still wants to be friends, and this means, he doesnt want me to be interested or involved with any other guys. How am i going to remain friends with him? The truth is that i don’t right now, because if i stayed friends with him i wouldn’t be able to live my life comfortably because the guilt of doing anything that he would be against would linger over me every time id see him or talk to him. But if i dont stay friends with him and cut off all contact, hes going to drive himself crazy! I don’t want him to do anything drastic

    Any advice? :(

  • http://how-to-finally-leave-her.com Michael F.

    Hey Kelly,

    The advice that I (and everyone else) am going to give you is simple: Don’t stay friends with him AT ALL. It’s your choice to take it or leave it.

    Even though you’re broken up, you are in a co-dependent relationship. He is controlling and jealous, and you feel that you are responsible for his sanity.

    You don’t need an overbearing ex-boyfriend telling you who’s company you can keep. And despite what you think, you are not the only thing keep him alive, and if you are, that has to be his problem.

    We ALL want to keep the people that we’ve loved from experiencing pain and heartache. Unfortunately, pain and heartache are essential parts of our lives. If you try to live your life in-line with your boyfriend’s request, it will hurt you both more in the long run.

    Please, tell him that you need time apart, and you don’t wish to even think about being friends right now. Tell him that if he wants what’s best for you, he’ll respect that. If he can’t respect that, then it’s his problem, but you can’t indulge him by being friends.

    Best of luck to you, Kelly!

  • http://www.how-to-finally-leave-her.com Michael F

    I’ve been following this thread — it's painful to hear everyone’s story, especially those who feel stuck and can’t get out.

    It’s rough when you know the person is going to be hysterical (like Jeff said his gf was), and when you think they have “nothing to cling to”. But you CAN’T stay simply because you think your partner needs you. All relationships go through rough times, but ultimately if you don’t WANT it then you have to break up so you can both get on with your lives.

  • Pingback: 10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear From Your Ex

  • Macario

    I ended my one year relationship with a wonderful woman yesterday. Quite honestly, I feel awful right now. She doesn’t deserve what I have done to her but for months now I have felt that it wasn’t going in the direction I wanted. I love her but I am not in love with her. Somehow and somewhere I lost that spark. All I had been doing for months was going through the motions of being a good boyfriend. I still don’t understand why I couldn’t get myself to be in love with her. The hardest part of this is dealing with the sense of betrayal that she is feeling right now towards me. I can’t seem to shake the guilt. I keep asking myself “What have I done?”

  • http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

    @Macario –

    They only thing you can do to overcome the guilt is telling yourself that you’ve done everything to save the relationship and that it would be unfair to continue it on the condition you’ve described.

    Try to follow the rules I wrote about and help her with no-contact. Besides that there is nothing you can do to ease the pain, unfortunately.

    But here’s the thing with guilt:

    Guilt exists as a fabricated emotion. It holds little or no realness. It’s hard to call it a real emotion.

    Guilt punishes. Both yourself and those around you. Guilt contributes nothing. It only takes.

    Don’t get me wrong, I perfectly understand what you are going through, I just think that it can be very helpful to examine this emotion more closely.

    Eddie

  • Esme G

    3months ago I posted my problem regarding my controlling, jealous, smoothering boyfriend and I finally got the courage to do it last night. The problem is that we celebrated his birthday this past weekend and 3 days letter I told him that was it, so he cant get over the fact that we are done. He triggered something, I dont know what it was but I just got fed up with all the little things we always argued about, he didn’t trust me, he was jelous, he though I was his property and he would track me like a UPS package. Now he sobs and texs me like crazy he thinks we can work things out and fix them but thruth is that I can not change who he is. He even suggested therapy. Today I realized that I miss him but that I will be better off with out him. I was hoping that he would leave me alone and perhaps we could of remain friends down the line, I didnt tell him that but after his frequent text I feel this wont be an option. I need him to stop texting me, is it recommended that I change my number? He still wants to talk about it.

  • Jayson

    I was dating this beautiful, awesome girl for almost 5 months and we both fell in love with each other. Things were going great until a former fling started to interfere by sending false craigslist list ad’s including my picture out without my knowledge (she found my password). I caught it before my girlfriend was notified and changed my password. The ad’s stopped for many months and I thougtht it was over, Since I barely use my yahoo account, I wasnt too worried about it. In fact, I actually forgot what my password was and needed to get back on my account one day and changed it back to my old password thinking that the ads were long gone….two weeks ago, my girlfriend needed to get onto my account for some reason and found new ads for craigslist again…the old fling started to send them again and I hadnt gone onto my account in months to erase or change my password once again! My girlfriend questioned me about them and I lied to her and told her that I had know idea that this was happeneing. She seemed to believe me but the next day, she TEXTS me and says that she wants nothing to do with me ever again! I have tried to call her, email her and recieved nothing, no explaination, nothing. I am deeply in love with this girl..I check my phone 20 to 30 times a day hoping she will call me, same with the email. I have tryed to explain to her what had happened but she won’t listen to me. I know she still loves me. She was always the type to talk things through whenever we had a disagreement, a very level-headed, down to earth, laid back understanding person that I always loved…she changed from that person overnight to a person that breaks up through text message without hearing a explanation. I’m hurt and confused. Can’t eat or sleep. Every freaking song reminds me of her, I can’t go out because I feel Like I will see her out and about. I had no closure, no explanation..I need help please…I wrote her a letter telling her that I love her, that I made a mistake for lying to her and that I am sorry. But I know that if we talk, we can work this out.
    What shall I do?

  • http://www.how-to-finally-leave-her.com MichaelF

    @Esme G –

    Esme, I know you’re a bit conflicted now, and you miss your ex, but you have to be very clear to him: His texts are NOT welcome, as you both have to get on with your lives.

    Perhaps in 5 years you’ll both be wiser and will be able to be friends, but you definitely can NOT throw that out there.

    It’s often tough for a woman to shut-down a relationship (women are good at BUILDING relationships), but the most compassionate thing you can do for him is to not respond. He sounds incredibly needy — if you go back, it will be more of the same. He needs to work on his self-esteem (which is the root cause of neediness), and you need to get on with your life (and date some new guys when you’re ready).

  • rose

    I have a terrible dilemna and am in desperate need of some advice, the man I am with is my first man and he is perfect, a kind person who care’s about me and does his best to nurture and tell me how beautiful I am often. I even get along amazingly well with all of his family. The awful thing is I have realised I am gay, I am not interested in sex with him or physically attracted to him, or men at all. I want desperately to be with a woman.

    Would it hurt him even more to tell him this? Or would it help him understand why I just can’t be with him? Help please it hurt’s so bad to lie to him, this kind and gentle man who deserve’s someone who really love’s him and each time we’re intimate I just want to cry, it’s not what I want.

  • Samantha

    I have been with my husband for 7 years (married 5 years) and we have 3 kids. For the last 6 months I feel myself pulling away from him . We fight a lot of the time, then we make up and everything is alright for a day or two then we have a big fight. He says it’s me that starts the fights and I say a lot of the time it’s both of us. I have tried to talk to him about the way I feel and have even said to him that we should go and get some extra help, but he will not go for it.
    I am not happy in the relationship anymore but I stay for the sake of our kids but I don’t know if I’m being fair to him, the kids or myself for staying.
    My heart brakes everytime I think about saying goodbye but everyday I grow more and more unhappy.
    I don’t know what to do !!!!!

  • Sharon

    I am in a college relationship right now and have lost feelings for my significant other and need to break up. We were friends a long time before dating, and I feel as if we are just friends that kiss right now. He has absolutely no idea that I am displeased. We never ever fight (not once), and I still like him a ton and respect him, yet feel that my romantic feelings have been washed away. I have two major problems in ending our relationship. One is that he and I hang out with all the same people, most of which have know him longer, and I fear that breaking up would sever all ties within my friend group, something I cannot do. My second major problem is that we are going to be on a church trip soon in Mexico with all of our friends. We have both already paid in full for this trip and cannot get out of it. All of our friends might be put in a very awkward who’s on who’s side on the trip if our breakup was messy, and I see no way of avoiding this. This is a major problem. Please help.

  • horror

    @brandycooper –
    I can tell you one thing for sure that this guy really loves you (true love) and he will be happy to stay away from you if you convince him that this is what you really want. He must be constantly thinking about what you need and how he can get it for you. He will be heart broke for sometime when you break up but once he realizes that after break up he is so much free has to do so many less things and actually has more money for himself (the one he used to spend on you), he will soon be ok and laugh it off. So if you want to break up with him, be straight forward and do him a favour be breaking up as soon as you can.

    @Laura –
    One thing is for sure. If he has no contact with you till now, he can surely live without you. So if you want to get in touch with him to find out how he is doing without you, let me tell you he must be surely doing fine and your temptation to find out the obvious is foolish. But ya if you are depressed without him you should get in touch with him and find out if he still has some space for you in his life. Still better would be to take this oppportunity and move on. If you read the other 60-70 posts on this blog you will realize that you are the luckiest one here.

    @Alan –
    I am more worried about you my friend. Looks like your new gf has a lot of family and friends to look after her and is also busy with her studies. She also has a kid to showerf her love on if you are not there. But you on the other hand will have to deal with the break up all on your own. So stop worrying about yourself and start thinking about yourself.

    @gayle m – put it OFF and get ON a new one

    @lachase – perfect, i guess. This is what it is all about.

  • Rebbeca

    @Samantha – Hi, Samantha you need to get tough. Get a plan B. It sounds cynical but really its reality. When you have a plan B, you’ll feel better and restore that balance of power between the two of you because your also secure. When I say plan B, I mean get some money behind you, get an out plan. Many people will say that this is planning to fail but not true, by knowing you have choices, you’ll do what’s right for you – not stay because its easier, better for the kids or your scared to do it alone. Obviously, by refusing to get counselling, he isn’t prepared to do what it takes for you, things will then never change. Sometimes staying is just delaying the inevitable. Your kids aren’t blind, they probably hate it as much as you do and if you both do it right – they’ll still have you both as much as always but without all the fighting. Don’t forget – children learn (often subconsciously) from their parents, so are you doing the right thing by accepting what clearly isn’t right for you? Sometimes you have to do what is right for you and no-one else. Probably easier said then done with kids but your unhappiness with him is probably filtering into other aspects of your life and that is completely at your own demise. Never give up on you and your happiness, you still deserve a great life, even when you have kids. One day your kids will understand. On another note, my dad left my mum after 21 years of marriage, she had four kids at the time, was renting, and worked full-time. Somehow she made it through, even when he got a girlfriend two months later. seriously, its not easy – nothing worth fighting for is but you deserve, need and should want to be happy!!!! If you still can’t bring yourself to leave then start getting a bit selfish (I dont mean with your kids but with your partner). Go out with your friends, take time off for you and stop asking (we all do it). Best thing you can do for yourself – get to the gym. Not only will you feel sexier, more confident and more in charge but you will feel happier. Don’t make it about weight loss (Im not saying your fat at all seriously haha), make it about your everyday happiness.

  • Andrew

    Originally Posted By MarkI have been with my gf for almost 6 years now, and its come to the point where i don’t see ourselves moving foward in our relationship or her as my wife.I have broke up with her before for this reason and only when were broken up do i think that she is my other half and i can’t live without her and the pain is so unbearable that we get back together.And when were back together im happy for about a month then i start to think i have taken step back in life and feel that i am not happy again.I know that i want to end it and not too sure at the same time but i also know that when i do end it im going to think i made a mistake and shes the love of my life and want her back, are these feelings normal after a break up?.I fell that if i break it off she will be lost and never find happiness again and i am the fault of that and i can’t bear to have that on my concious.I am thinking of her before me which i know is wrong but thats the way i am and feel.I am not happy being with her and i want to break up but can’t bear to live with out her.If i wish that i can end this relationship with no pain then i do not want to be with her right???I don’t know what to do i am too attached but not happy, any advice or comment will be greatly appreciated.

    I’m in the exact same place. I love her, but I am not happy. I care deeply about her and after 5 1/2 years, she’s become like a family member to everyone of my relatives. This makes it extremely difficult. She would be devastated. I have the exacts same thoughts about her being lost and that just rips me apart. I’m not happy or feeling fulfilled. She is. It’s terrible.

  • Lily

    Hello, I have been with this guy since 2007 and I just realized that he’s an abusive boyfriend… The last time I broke up with him, he tried to kill himself swallowing a bunch of pills and alcohol. Now I just can’t stand him anymore but I’m scared of two things… One, to be alone; I completely forgot how to feel good without a boyfriend and without active sexual life with someone I’m in love with. Second… I’m scared of his reaction… he might attempt suicide again and I couldn’t handle it… Please help…

  • Joyce

    I’m trying to figure out if I should contact my ex, who I basically walked out on, after a fight – meant to be a peaceful breakup, and never spoke to him again. My ex was verbally and emotionally abusive and I believe my ex was cheating on me ‘emotionally’ and possibly physically behind my back with his ex girlfriend before me (who he was with for many years). I’ve caught my ex in a number of lies about this and my ex even admitted to having lied about having the key to her house and going there daily to check email and feed the dog etc.. (long story). He even moved to a new place within a quarter mile from her. I gave him the benefit of the doubt for various reasons, but finally had major doubts about his sincerity and honesty and it was eating at me. I finally couldn’t stand it anymore and ended it, but never spoke to him in the 3-4 weeks since. I fear anything I say will definitely fall on deaf ears and that he will just tell me that I am crazy and ‘need help’. He is actually on 4-5 prescription drugs including drugs for depression, pain killers and xanax and I think this may be part of the reason he mis-handled the breakup of his previous relationship and continued it during ours. He lied on our last night together about taking xanax and admitted it in a subsequent post break-up letter. My therapist thinks he might be bi-polar or narcissistic and recommended I not speak with him again. However, even though I told him my trust in him had gone, I never got to really have a ‘closure’ type of sane discussion with him. I’m not sure he’s capable of listening to me and would always place the blame on me. I thought of writing a letter and actually wrote one but didn’t send it. I feel awful because he has a wonderful son, who I got to know and love over the 9 months we were together. We are older and the relationship became very serious, which is why the trust problem was so painful. He has contacted me on numerous occassions, but I have never gotten back to him, taken a call or responded with even one word to his texts or emails. His letters are both hurtful and loving at the same time – quite manipulative. This is definitely one of the reasons, why it would never work for me. I’m just wondering if it would be the classier, kinder thing to do, to respond to him in some way – even though I know I will not like his response to me. And I do not want to lead him on in any way.

  • http://www.leavingher.com Michael F.

    Joyce,

    You’re in a tough situation, especially considering that you became close with his son.

    From your description, it really does sound like he struggles with depression, bipolar, and/or narcissistic personality disorder. Unfortunately, he’s just not a stable person with him you can get some real closure.

    You’re going to go through a range of feelings: Wanting to be back with him, wanting nothing to do with him, hating him for wasting your time and lying to you, etc. Nothing you can do right now can make you feel much better. Even if you write him a loving note in an attempt at closure, there will be times that you regret wasting another second on him.

    My best advice is to walk away. Again, you will NEVER get the closure you seek because of the way he behaves. There is nothing he can say that will change all the deception that went on.

    It must hurt a lot, but try to be excited about moving on to a new part of your life. It must have taken a lot of strength to take the initiative and end it, so you should be proud of yourself.

    Best to you!

    Michael

  • maris

    I need help! i have been with my highschool sweet heart since 2005. we would make four years in november. he has been jelous ever since. he wants to constantly knows who i talk to where im at and what am i doing. he calls me insanely just to check up on me. this caused me to lie to him about the littlest things. he gets mad even when i work out for too long or be out with my mom for too long. i joined the navy and he hates the fact that i joined. we fought thousands of time even before i joined. he hates that i have grown and made friends. unfortunately over the years i have more guy friends than girls because i cant find girl friends that are laid back and not slutty. i feel he controlls me all the time. because of that he cant even make a decision with what he wants to do with his career. he is older than me and still is unsure whether he wants to be in the military, a teacher, fireman, policeman. thats his usual “goals” in life. yet i see no action. i need a man that knows what he wants in life and is not worried about so much. he makes me feel guilty that i joined the navy coz he thinks there is tons of guys and i will be out to sea, stuck in a ship full of hungry horny men. i cant help that this is what i want to do and he still doesnt accept it. i can not wait for a year and a half, that is the time i go out in a deployment. i got stationed 3 hours away from home and it feels like were a million miles away. it is such a turn off when a guy has no goals, no abition what so ever. i came from a tough childhood, an immigrant and knows how to tough it out at all times. ive been away from family for years and learned how to deal with that. he has never experienced parents divorce, he lives in the same house for about 20 years now. i moved about 20 times in 7 years. everything was spoon fed to him and its just not the way i was raised. i am ambitious and i cant be with someone who isnt. im a go getter and i plan to succeed for my family. he doesnt see the reasons why i joined and how it could help my family. i will hold nothing to my success. i know how to sacrifice to have a good life. i just dont see it in him. because of that even our sex life has changed. im not attracted to him anymore. but yet i am attached and i still love him. he is like a sentimental item that you want to hold on forever. but i am not inlove with him anymore. it sucks because i am close to his family and my family likes him. we even have a dog together. he’s helped me with many things., he gave a roof over my head when i needed one. i cant give him what he wants. he wants a girlfriend that is beside him 24/7. someone who is available at all times and is a short distance drive away from home. i cant give that to him. he absolutely loves me. he could be the best boyfriend ever. he tells me how beautiful i am everyday. he deserves someone better than me. i need help. i love him but not inlove with him. i know its painful but i am sooo scared to do this. i have never been the dumper and i dont like hurting peoples feelings. i have always been the dumpee. it is soo hard to accept the fact that i have matured and grown up. i graduated highschool and ive been ready to move on. i feel stuck and been feeling stuck for the past 2 years. i dont know how i managed another 2 with him i thought that leaving for bootcamp and school i would miss him alot. but i didnt. when i came back i didnt feel the spark. that is when it hit me. 3 months apart and when i came back i felt like vacation was over. i was in bootcamp for god’s sake. HELP! SOS!

  • Anthony

    This is really difficult to write, but here goes…..

    I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost two years. I’m 35 and she’s 21. (I know, I know. Her parents are Mom (Mexican) and Dad (Palestinian), whom are both Muslim. When her parents found out we were dating, and worse, that I wasn’t Muslim (I was raised Catholic), they warned her to stop seeing me or she would be kicked out of the house. I thought it would be a good idea to talk to the Dad so, I met up with him to let him know that I wasn’t just some shmuck off the street. He told me that he forbid this and if I didn’t plan to marry his daughter, this relationship wasn’t to go on any longer. I admit that even though I did have strong feelings after knowing her for a few months, I wasn’t really sure about marrying her (geez!!! it’s only been a few months…).

    Sure enough, a few weeks after this, she called me to pick her up because she was getting kicked out. I immediately came and picked her up. We’ve been living together since and, I’m not sure if it’s the pressure, or because this had happened so quick, I kind of feel like because of the circumstances I’m together with her, not because this was the way I actually planned for a relationship to go.

    To be honest, I’ve tried various ways to break up, but after she tells me that she doesn’t have her parents or any family (thanks to her Palestinian Dad – he forbid ANYONE from the family to speak or have anything to do with my girlfriend) to go back to. Plus, she acts like she’s going to have a nervous breakdown and says she won’t know what to do or obviously know where to go…..

    I will admit, she truly is someone special and is probably the best girlfriend anyone can ask for. She honestly has done NOTHING wrong…but I just don’t feel the same. For me, if I can’t be man enought to give her the love she truly deserves, it’s only right I let her go, because deep inside I do want her to be happy.

    Someone…..please, give me some suggestions!

    Thanks for reading if possible, helping….

    Anthony

  • http://LeavingHer.com/Break-Up.html Michael F.

    Maris,

    Your boyfriend might have some great attributes, but he is controlling and emotionally abusive (even though he loves you). He must be very scared and insecure.

    It’s not your job to provide him with constant assurance or protect his ego. You need to let go. You’re not doing him any favors by staying if it’s not what you want.

    I know you feel terrible about it, and you don’t want to hurt him, but heartbreak is part of life — you can’t sacrifice your life to protect him. You CAN break up with him.

    Good luck!

  • http://LeavingHer.com/Break-Up.html Michael F.

    Anthony,

    There are many similarities here to the post above yours. I sympathize with you — you’re under a lot of pressure.

    Yes, she’s going through a lot, but that doesn’t mean you should maintain a relationship you no longer desire. Even though you care about her, you’re NOT responsible for her mental conditions. To believe otherwise is codependent thinking.

    It’s a tough situation, because she relies on you for so much. Still, that doesn’t mean that you should have to fake your feelings or sacrifice your life. You have a CHOICE in who you want to be with — she may be a great girl, but if you don’t have strong romantic feelings for her, you need to stop wasting your time and hers.

    Even though separating may seem impossible now, I swear to you that you can do it — you’ll be out of this situation soon.

    You’re obviously a good guy who cares a lot for the girl. You just need to act with integrity and let her know how you feel, and you both can begin a new stage in your lives.

  • jenny

    hi eddie, thank you for this website. i’ve been reading several of your articles and they are very helpful. i broke up with my boyfriend of 2+ years and i’ve been swimming in regret. you’re absolutely right about “trying” to be certain about your decision. i don’t think it’s possible to be 100% sure.

    nonetheless, reading over your list of what could be wrong with the relationship made me feel a little more certain about my choice. my ex and i could never talk about a future together because it scared him to death and he constantly doubted (openly) whether we were compatible in the long run. i held on, hoping that he’d come around. it took me a lot of contemplation to realize that my self-esteem was suffering and that this person would perhaps never accept me for who i am. my nerves were frayed and i finally had to end it. even though i was very certain about the breakup being permanent, i inwardly hoped that he’d come around. i’m beginning to realize that he won’t.

    we haven’t spoken and i don’t plan on it. it is definitely hard and i struggle with it every minute, let alone every day. i think in many ways i held on for all the wrong reasons. eddie, your personal story really resonated with me. i think i expected this person to bring me happiness and make me feel complete, instead of building myself up.

    anyway, thank you. it’s comforting to know that others have survived and become stronger as a result of something this painful.

  • Genesis

    I have been in a relationship for two years with a man who is 11 years older than I. For those past two years I felt like he was the one for me; as I started wanting to get more involved with him. He has a 3 year old son and I’ve been in both of their lives since the child was 11 months. I’m the only person that he knows as mother and I’m only 20 years old. I’ve been playing the housewife role and making sure the child was taken care of. Thing is, he (the man) came to Houston after Hurricane Katrina hit. But anyways, a couple of days ago, (forgive me for being all over the place) I was at a friends house who asked me to take her to her boyfriend’s house-so I did. We sat there for 3 hrs. and left. However when my bf asked me where I had been I lied at first and then told the truth. After he got mad I decided to leave to give him a chance to calm down. But here’s the thing for the past two months I’ve been very unhappy and stressed feeling like my life was going by to fast. Most 20 year olds are having fun and living life and I’m at home baby-sitting or cleaning and cooking. So, now, I’ve been trying to tell him that I need time to fix myself and I’m not prepared for the family life. He thinks I’m trying to get with someone else. But, I need some help becaus eeverytime I try to call the relationship off he goes into saying I’m abandoning him and his son, and he is once again losing everything in his life post-Katrina. My mom says he’s trying to manipulate me but, I don’t know…there’s a lot he needs to work on such as his drug habit and his gangster mentality. I’m in college and I work so it’s easy for me to get stressed…please give me some advice…somebody…it will be greatly appreciated.

  • sarya

    Hi, my comment generally relates to Andrew’s situation. Andrew in my relationship am goin through the exact same feelings that u’re goin. I feel that if i break up with my bf will i regret it? did i make a mistake? will i find some one that will love and care about me the way he did? so, u c these feelings are natural. The feel of guilt and regret goes on for a while. By i came to realize that, am not happy with my relationship, yes i do care about the other person so much and he doesn’t deserve to be hurt but then again its my life on the edge here, y should i continue like them when am not bein able to respond or to react wz ma partner the way am supposed 2 be. Andrew, u’re story is so similar to mine, i break up wz him some time later i feel guilty, it’s like OMG i messed up h can i get him back? h can i make things right again? and i find a way to get ma partner back, i feel great for the 1st month and i convince ma self that am happy but then the same feelings i had startt 2 come back. its like a wake up call, like COME ON its not workin, u’re bein attached to somethin that doesn’t exist, u’re holding to a relationship that is doomed.
    Andrew, am still figurin out h 2 end my relationship but am sure nw that ma mind is set and this is wht i want 2 do 4 sure after i read Eddie’s articles i found that common sense.
    Bottom line Andrew, be strong and stick to the plan :)

  • http://LeavingHer.com Michael F.

    Originally Posted By saryaits like a wake up call, like COME ON its not workin, u’re bein attached to somethin that doesn’t exist, u’re holding to a relationship that is doomed.

    Part of the reason people hold on is that they become attached to their history — even if it’s an unhappy history. As you stay longer, you become even more invested, which makes it more difficult to leave. It can be difficult to get perspective at that point, which is why resources like the articles at Lovesagame are so valuable.

  • sarya

    i’ve read like all the comments above, and i felt close to every single issue here. U c i’ve been with ma fiancee for a year and a half now. the first 5 month were amazing but then things started 5 do down hell from there? i dono wht changed.. i think its me i figured out somethin that i wasn’t aware off. i think at first i accepted and thought i loved ma finacee because he was so good to me and he is honestly the best fiancee ever, in was young i was 18, wht did i knw of love? i thought that’s love when u feel comforted with some one, but the truth is somethin totally different and sad :( . since 4 month i’ve been perfectly sure that i dn love him the sparks are gone and am no longer into the relation ship. but the problem is over this past year i’ve gotten 2 knw his family alot and they all love me and my family worships him and that doesn’t make the task any easier. i’ve been stallin the break up ever since, convincin ma self that i love him and actin out everythin. am tired of actin i don wanna sacrifice my life anymore. but i feel that am way over ma head here. if i do decide to break up i can already feel my parents blamin me ( u messed up.. he was a great guy y did u let him slip.. and bla bla).. its like the scale for them if the guy is good y wouldn’t u love him. but when was love about that.. :S.. anywayz the bottom line here is that i wanan break up i decided but am too scared to do, am attached to the guy but not emotionally attached and the guilt is killin me. i care abt him more that i care abut me and i knw he deserves better. Eddie help me plzz h can i break it to him as smoothly as possible and still yet 2 manage to clear my point on the subjectt ???

  • sarya

    @Michael F. –
    exactly Michael.. thats wht’s happening 2 me .. am so attached that i feel so weak.. so insecure and so guilty.. it’s hard really to leave some one u want to continue with because he will make u happy but u can’t because u’re juts not emotionally intact anymore. Michael am tryin to break up from ma fiancee as we speak and i can’t find the words. every time i gather ma self to do so, i remember the memories we had and hold on to them.. is that normal? or is it just me? am the one who’s weird?

  • Michele

    I have been in a relationship for about 4 months. While my boyfriend (or soon to be ex boyfriend) does not have a permanent address at my home, he spends 5 out of 7 days here. He has clothes, and a TV at my house. I am unhappy in this relationship for many different reasons, and I would like to break up with him. I am uncomfortable doing this and have been putting it off for a couple of weeks. I know he has noticed my distance. I dread the moment I tell him about my decision to end this relationship. I don’t know if any of the advice in your article will work, but it did give me some ideas on how to tell him compasionately. I just wonder, should I help him pack his things or just let him gather his belongings himself? Observing the no contact rule, I don’t want him to accidently forget something and have to come back to retrieve it. I just hate doing this to someone that is such nice person, but he is not the person for me.
    I don’t know what to do.

  • CONFUSED GIRL

    I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO THIS GUY FOR 7 MONTHS AND WE BOTH FELL DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH EACHOTHER. WE NEVER HAD AN ARGUMENT OR ANYTHING UNTIL I FOUND OUT OUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP IS A LIE. WE WENT OUT FOR DINNER AND HE TOLD THE THAT HE JUST HAD A BABY WITH A GIRL THAT HE STAYS WITH. THEY WASN’T DATING LONG BEFORE SHE GOT PREGNANT AND HE SAYS HE WANT TO BE WITH ME AND THE ONLY REASON HES STAYING WITH HER BECAUSE OF THE BABY. ITS HIS FIRST SON. FOR SOME REASON I DON’T BELIEVE THAT BUT THE ONE THING I DO BELIEVE IS THAT HE DO LOVES ME: (I THINK). AT THIS POINT I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE. HE HAS LOST ALL TRUST THAT I HAD FOR HIM AND EVERYTHING. I NEVER CHEATED ON HIM OR THOUGHT ABOUT IT. NOW THAT I HAVE FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH OUR SITUATION. A PART OF WANTS TO BREAK UP WITH HIM AND THE OTHER PART WANTS TO BELIEVE HIM. I AM SO CONFUSED AND FRUSTRATED.

  • Michele

    To Confused Girl.
    Run as fast as you can away from this dude. Anyone who is careless enough not to use protection with someone they haven’t been with very long is ignorant. I hope you have not had relations with this person without protection.

    I am not sure he is telling the truth at all. He is probably married. I certainly wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone and have that kind of baggage haning over my head.

    There are plenty of fish in the sea, to quote an old tired saying. Go find a fish that doesn’t have any newborn babies they need to support.

  • Scared, Lost, and Confused

    First, I think this is a wonderful website. I am seriously struggling with relationship issues right now and it is nice knowing that I am not the only one. Here is a short my story:

    I met this wonderful girl about 5 years ago and we immediately hit it off. She was my first same-sex relationship. Since she live about 600 miles away from me, our first few months was a long-distance relationship. I got into school in her city, so I moved up here and we got an apartment together. She supported me (emotionally, not financially) through school and now I am in the workforce in a job that I love. We have a wonderful house, two dogs, a cat, a daily routine, etc… like such a normal couple. The problem is that I am simply not happy in the relationship. I think she is such a wonderful person, but something is missing. I also cheated on her with a guy recently and that has really messed me up.

    SO my problem right now is… is this as good as it gets? She is loving and considerate and would do anything for me. Her family is wonderful and it really seems like we have the “perfect” life together. Should just stick with her? Am I delusional with the “grass is greener” idea? I am haunted by the idea that this is actually what a good relationship is and I just have unrealistic expectations.

    I am also completely terrified of the logistics of a potential break-up. For example, I have a cell phone plan with her. I would have to get my own line and change my number, etc… I can’t even imagine having to find an apartment by myself. Even if I did, all of our friends mutual, so there would be nobody to help me move. Even if there were people to help me move, I don’t want to fight with her over the stuff in the house, but I can’t afford to buy new stuff. I have absolutely no support up here because, throughout school it has been mutual friends and her wonderful family. My family is still 600 miles away and, since coming out to them, the relationship has been strained. I don’t really have anyone to even talk to about this.

    Then there are the dogs. They are big and need a house… I think it would destroy me to leave them…

    HELP?!?!?!?

  • KG

    -Hey
    My friend’s brother is in a bad relationship that he despirately wants out of. However, his girlfriend is crazy and says she will committ suicide if he breaks up with her. He is a really sweet guy and would just die if she did that because of him. So someone please tell me a good way for him to break up with her and ensure that she is safe. :-(

  • LOST

    I haven’t seen my boyfriend for almost a month now due to our different schedules. We still text everyday but lately, it seems that even reading a message from him has become a chore. He hasn’t done anything wrong. In fact, he cares for me a lot. But I feel that we have too little in common. We don’t share the same interests and I find it hard to even find a common topic to talk about. I feel that we also think about things differently. I’m not sure he feels the same way. My texts to him seems to be limited to asking what he is doing.

    I don’t want to stay in a relationship like this. But I fear that I may be too hasty in asking for a break-up. We have mutual friends and I really don’t want to discuss this issue with them.

    He has asked me out next week and I was wondering if I should take this opportunity to break-up with him.

    Help please.

  • very confused

    hi there, i badly need your help. i;ve been going out with that guy 4 the past 5years. each time i want to break up he appears again after few weeks or at times even months… he says he will improve the relationship, then he starts all over again, he acts distant. he deliberately avoided me on my birthday-4th june, i thought we have really broken up, then he comes 1 month later on. when he realises that he should have bought me a gift, he just start a fight again. i know that’s cheap…i’ve tried so many times to break up, am so confused. i dont keep contact, then why should he come back later on? he takes me so much 4 granted! theres a 11years age gap between us, am 24 and he’ll soon be 35. he was married before and is now divorced. he has a daughter. i am not desperate, i know i’ll find someone else in due time. why does he have to manipulate me each time? i love him a lot and each time i end up forgiving him. please help me, i need your advice, how should i tackle this?

  • Michele

    to very confused: If you have a Dad in your life or another father figure…tell them about it and have them have a talk with this loser…..he will get the message, and not come around again. In the meantime, try to figure out why this guy has such a hold on you..and break it.

  • confused & depressed…

    hey there.. i seriously need your help in this.. im in a relationship of 2 years n going through a really hard time now.. i knew this guy through 1 of my friend & we went along very well for de 1st few months & year… recently, i have lost feelings on him… he is totally in control of my life.. he checks out wherever i go, what ever i do, who i talk to, who i text to and etc… he even suspects me having another relation besides him which is not through.. whenever we are apart, he claims that im sleeping with other “guys” and thus im having secret affairs n all… after a couple of days of arguments, the problem will be solved.. this goes on every week and even every day.. im soo sick of him suspecting on me for whatever i do.. i have even tried to break up with him, but he threaten me that he will tell my parents about our relationship.. since im very scared that he will do that, i will force my self to be with him… this have been going on for the past few months.. i don’t know what 2 do.. i don’t love him anymore.. he claims that he loves me very much, but he does not keep me happy n suspects me on whatever i do… please help me on this.. HELP ME!!

  • SJ

    I have been putting this off for months now but I know I need to break up with my boyfriend. I simply don’t love him any more, and I need to move on. The problem is that for the first year he was terrible, very unreliable and unpredictable, mainly down to alcohol and drugs. Though he never did anything directly to me, he was embarrassing, he let me down often, and he was unbearable when under the influence. So we split up. But then he came back after a month or so and promised he had changed, and sure enough he has been a different person the last 7 months. Not perfect, but trying very hard, and also very very full on with me (I love you type stuff all the time) which I have found to be very smothering. Basically he killed my feelings for him with his behaviour the first time round, and now although he has been bending over backwards and I have tried very hard to make things work, I don’t want to be with him anymore. I am scared that breaking up with him now will just reaffirm to him that it’s not worth being good and he will just go back to his old ways, or get even worse. He has a self destruct button and I don’t want to be the one to make him press it again. He has also become very close to my dog who I got while we were split up, and I think he would be devastated not to see the dog again. What can I do, I need to break up with him now, sooner rather than later, because it is making me feel so anxious and unhappy, but I can’t bear to hurt him and send him off on a spiral of self destruction. Help.

  • Jessy D

    My fiancee broke up with me about 15 days a go. I knew him since 2007 (July) and we got engaged in 2008. Our wedding date was fixed for the 2nd week of August.
    We both work in foreign countries and used to get to see each other only once a a year, but we would constantly keep in touch through e.mails and phone calls.
    Had visited his parents home during our engagement and stayed there for a week. He too has visited my home before my engagement but used to stay in a guest house and would come to visit me daily till his holidays got over.
    I was so excited about my wedding which was just a month away. I had planned so much for the both of us…our new house that he had bought. I had bought all the linen, the utensils, the decorative items, the chinaware, electrical equipments etc.even things for his mother in order to make her comfortable as she too would be shifting in with us. ( all this kept at my mum’s place as we had planned to have a house warming ceremony before setting up home)
    Since I had leave from work for a longer time before the wedding we had decided that I would go ahead and do as much for the wedding preparations (off course with his consent) so that by the time he would reach home,majority of the preparations would be over and since he had been seriously ill the whole year I wanted him to come home and rest before rejoining work. And so his mum, my mum and myself went about preparing for the Big day.
    Since we are christians and were having a church wedding it was necessary to get the church paper work done. Unfortunately, in all this procedures I had phoned his mum and had asked her to help speed up things by sending the required church papers to my parish but I had no idea that his mum was going to take it the other way around and would make this as an excuse to stop the wedding ( She had been against this wedding from the very start of our relationship).
    So the day her son reached home…she told him that I was being pushy, that I was trying to dominate her that I was trying to take her independence away, and that she was doing things for the wedding only because of her son and that I did not mean anything to her. She even went to the extent of saying that she was doing more than my parents.
    What hurt me most was that without even meeting me for a face-to-face confrontation of what exactly happenend…he picked up the phone and told me that he was calling off the wedding for the simple reason that he felt that I was not being truthful in this relationship and that I had become too materialistic with no love. And all that he held in his heart was that he could never bear to see his mum being dominated by someone because she meant the world to him.
    And so he dumped me all because as he said later “I can’t bear to be a referee all my life trying to sort things out between the two (his mum and myself) of you.
    The day he phoned me …that day I was waiting hear his voice anxiously as I knew we had only few weeks away from our marriage…with allt hings prepared to the T… the wedding hall, the church preparations, the food menu, the flower girl’s and page boy’s outfits,the band,the favours, the farewell gifts, the wedding rings, the candles, the wine glasses, the hotel rooms, my wedding dress, tiara. etc. I was SHOCKED…..how could he do this to me?
    Its almost 15 days now…we are in touch since last week, trying to talk things out. I still have hope…he admits that he made a mistake and feels guilty for what he has done by spoiling my hopes and dreams, yet he is undecisive about the future. When I ask him if he still wants to get married to me, he says ” Only the Good Lord knows,” and he also says that it is not possible for him to leave his mum.
    I have suffered badly in this…not only has my heart been broken, but my parents are also in a worried state, and I have also suffered a great financial loss. Because of me not getting enough holidays I had quit my previous job just to be with him as he said that his salary was more than enough for both of us and that he wnated to start a family as soon as possible.
    I AM DEVASTATED… I don’t know what to do. My friends tell me that I should be strong and gradually get back on my feet. I am not very young and since I greatly loved him I think of falling in love or getting married to anyone else. Everyday, eyerything reminds me of him…of all that we shared, of all that we did together, of all the dreams that we had together.
    I feel like I had been taken up on a very high mountain top in a very loving manner and then the person who loved me the most (or so I thought), gave me a gentle push in order to throw me off that height.
    I cannot concentrate…help me please!!!!!

  • spiffy

    @Jeff –

    I know your post is a year old so it is a little late to reply to help you. So this is more for others that read and are in the same boat.

    My perception is that if you are the only thing they have to “cling to” and have no friends, etc… That is because one of you made it that way, most likely they themselves… that’s just how they are, right? The world doesn’t end and she knows what she will need to do to get through it… not that it is easy, but people with different personalities cope differently, and you are right, some don’t cope well at all.

    To be guilted into a relationship, or staying out of pity, you will ultimately see that you are disrespecting yourself, and I think ultimately the relationship will fail, when you realize break up is right thing. You deserve to be in a happy and healthy relationship as much as they do.

  • spiffy

    Does step 1 apply to those who are at the point of living with their partner? It’s kind of hard to do without proper explanation, but I guess it can be done. Even if I lie and she catches on, just stick to it… will have the same impact, that she will know something is about to happen due to change of behavior. I just wonder if you have any advise tailored to this situation.

    Thanks!

  • Michele

    to spiffy:

    I had the same situation. When I broke up with my live in boyfriend, i went away for the weekend and spent some alone time..thinking about the relationship and why I was unhappy. I decided I wanted to be happy more than I could imagine and had to break up with him.
    Correct me if I am wrong, but if your partner has a permanent residence in your household, you should give them 30 days to find another place to live. If you are compassionate and kind in your explaination as to why you want to move on, no one can fault you. Ask your partner if they want help packing, moving ect. Once they are out of your residence, then observe the no contact rule. I was fortunate enough to have a man who did not make a scene, was upset but left and behaved as a man should. I hope he finds someone to give him the love he deserves.

  • Chis

    I read this article and feel like its time to break up, i answered 5/7 of the questions no, along with a sometimes and yes…. so that wasnt looking too good…

    I have been with my girlfriend for 9 months now, and am leaving for military training in 5 months (ill be gone for 13 months). Anytime we get to the point of almost breaking up, she’ll just manipulate me into staying with her, as you say can happen in the article and why to avoid situations like that.

    I was happy the first 5 months, but after that… it was just a nightmare…. I tried to stick it out for the next 4 months thinking “this is my first long term relationships… maybe this is just how it is” but even my parents and friends were realizing how unhappy I was.

    She yells at me over the stupidest things, and makes me feel like in the worst boyfriend in the world at times, It got so bad at one point that I just left and went to the beach with one of my friends at my military base, I realized that I was unfair in randomly leaving and going to the beach, of all places, but it was my only way out at the time, she would always come over and never leave me alone, she’ll send me text messages and if i dont respond in 5 minutes, send another, and another… sometimes if i dont respond in 30 seconds she’ll call me and complain that i’m ignoring her!!

    So i realize that I am unhappy and i should end it… but i dont want to lose her as a friend, I am friends with 2 of my Ex-girlfriends and we are perfectly fine, i dont think this one will be fine though… Heres my other problem… She joined a car club I’m in so she’s always around there… She doesnt really have any friends of her own, the only ones she has are the ones I introduced to her…

    She yells at me if I wash my car by myself, she yells at me for playing a game (whether its sports related… or going to my best friends house to play halo without here… i mean seriously…) and lastnight, she yelled at me for for going to bed and not responding to her text message, when i told her i was getting ready and going to bed (its bad enough that she wont let me go to sleep without her going to sleep… when shes at HER HOUSE)

    I just feel so bad for thinking about breaking up and cant stand hurting her, but I am not happy at all… I know if there was a mutual way to break up I would take it, but there is no love left in our relationship and its only 9 months in…

    I dont even know where I would do this… I dont want her to drive afterwards so that eliminates everywhere unless im driving her, or at her house… where her parents will like.. shoot me, and me driving her… oh god i couldnt stand that

    Another thing is, I am 19 years old, and she ALWAYS talks about engagement and marriage before I leave for my training, trying to push me into things!

    :( ((

  • Bening

    I just broke up with my boy friend. He cheated on me. It happened so suddenly that i was not prepared at all. On May we lived together until he had to go to Madison for his summer program. We connected very good. On July, I felt thing slightly changed, I sensed something had gone wrong but I didnt know what. As we planned before, I was about to go to Madison. I asked him for sure if I should go, he said he wanted me to come. I bought my ticket to Madison two days later. But teen days before my departure to Madison, he said that he had dated another girl. He called me and told me that he cheated me. I was sock and devastated. I never thought he did that. He said all words that exactly Corbano mentioned but the most he said is that he repeatedly said he was confused and not know what he want. I asked him to decide and he choose to leave me. I am broke. But I can’t even hate him. He was the best boy friend I ever had. I had depressed for almost two weeks adn I still couldnt believe that we already broke up. He sent me email, asking if i was fine. He wants to be friend of mine almost all that Corbano said he said aftermath the breaking up. He even said that he love me still this evening. He sounded depressed that made me want to console him. We chatted this evening, I put aside my own feeling to try to help him out form his sadness. I even let him talked about his new girlfriend. It is very hard for me. On and off i thought that he was a bit heartless of doing that. He said that his girlfriend now is a marriage woman who is in the process to divorce.
    So, Corbano I really appreciate you generosity to share this website. As I read through some sections of your website, I feel like that my Ex doesn’t try to help me recoverign from what he had done. He always contact me, email me. And said pitiful things that made me even putting aside my own feeling.
    Corbano, what will you say about this of my very case, about my Ex and about me?
    i will really appreciate your words.
    Thank you.

  • Barbie

    Agreed. If violent don’t even bother to leave a note.
    1) MOVE
    2) If you are female have a GIRLFRIEND record your greeting on the cell and or answering machine. If it is a male voice it will trigger anger but a different femal voice will pose no threat and there will be no reward in calling.
    3) Seriously get a therapist to talk things out with and get to the bottom of why you ever allowed abuse in the first place. You need to see your value as a person and a good therapist can help you open your eyes. Google victims of violence and you will find help in your area at a low cost.
    4) Make a list of Rules for your life to adhere to. Get a small notebook and write in the list and refer to it as needed. First one should be No one that shows abuse.
    As you start to date again look carefully for RED FLAGS and remember everyone is on there best behavior on a first date so if ONE RED FLAG appears, do NOT doubt yourself just run like hell for the door. You don’t owe them good manners or an explanation beyond the words, “This is wrong, Do Not Call Me.
    I am 15 years out of 17 years of abuse and it feels better each day!

  • Barbie

    I waited 17 years my hope is that you will do this quickly so you have the best chance to rebuild your life. The kids deserve sanity.

  • Alexis

    A bad marriage. A bad boyfriend. Then the worst of the worst, a married man! So many years wasted on a man that lied to me about everything but his first name.
    Emotionally, he became a major player in my life even though we never had a holiday together, we was never available when I was ill, I slept alone every night, saturday nights were always spent with a girlfriend or alone, he lied. Yet I waited for him to tell me how much he loved me…then he did! Wow, how happy was I for a moment because when those words were finally spoken I thought action would follow but instead I was only to witness more lies. Well, as much as it hurts the rose coloured glasses are off and I can see that he is a selfish man that is only holding on to me to fill the massive holes in his own life while mine sits on hold waiting for the call waiting for the visit JUST ALWAYS WAITING. Life is too short to sit and wait on someone you know is using you like spackle to fill the holes in his own marriage. So she is a drunk blah blah blah, it was always his choice to stay or go and he chooses to stay, that is not my problem. Reality Check Time.
    It is the grief that I was always avoiding and in doing so I avoided living instead.

  • nafs

    i try to not contact my boyfriend for a day but i dont want to break up with him.i just want make he start to call or massage me first.bUT on that day i did,t get any respond from him.there look likes i am not important to him anymore..and now he change!we are not go for a date at all.i am very sad now!what should i do???
    pleasssss HELP ME……………….

  • tebali

    please help, i met this guy who i never asked 4 his financial assistance in anything in life,am an independent woman.i met this guy who never tell the truth even in small matters he will claim to be honest in lies he tells you.I wanted to quit long time back but is like he wasn’t ready for it and asked me to give him a chance as he promised to become a better man in future.i gave him so many chances and this chances didn’t do me good for i now regret the whole game we played.am left hopeless because of so many things he did to me.please help me withn ur advices so i can overcome all what happened to me.if anyone one wanting to give me advices please e mail me at manyaliteb@yahoo.com because there are a lot to be said.THANKS AND HOPE TO CHAT WITH YOU FROM THERE.

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