Everybody knows that it‘s a devastating experience to lose someone you really love, be it through a breakup or divorce.
We have all gone through this at least one time in our lives.
But the fact that it is also tough to be the one who leaves is something you could only know if you have experienced it.
So, the question arises – how to break up with someone?
Relationships come to an end, and the reasons why can be numerous.
They all have in common that one member of the relationship is dissatisfied and pulls back.
Maybe he has tried for some time to adjust the relationship according to his wishes.
If this fails, he usually quits emotionally long before the actual break up.
That is often the reason why the “breakup survivor” has the impression that the “dumper” is cold-hearted — he already left mentally months ago.
How to decide if the relationship should be ended or not?
They say that breaking up is hard to do
Now I know, I know that it's true
—NEIL SEDACA
Here are some guidelines you can take into account when considering ending a relationship:
- Does the relationship allow you to evolve according to your wishes?
- Does the relationship fulfill your needs?
- Is it possible to have goals together and achieve them?
- Does your partner accept you as you are?
- Can you resolve conflicts together?
- Are you feeling safe in your relationship?
- Is the communication with your partner good?
If your answer to these questions is in the majority “no,” then it is probably time to move on.
So, you want to break up with your girlfriend/boyfriend, and you don’t know how to do this?
You’ve never done it before, or have done it wrong in the past, and you could use a helping hand?
The first thing you have to realize is that there is no painless way.
It just doesn’t exist.
No magical words which will take the pain away.
It will hurt them, and it may also hurt you. There is nothing you can do about this.
You can only avoid some common mistakes and make it a little easier for them.
As you continue reading, you are about to learn the steps on how to break up with someone the best way.
If you have made your decision, just use the following steps as a guideline.
How to break up with someone in 7 steps:
1. Keep a few days distance
It is very advisable to maintain some distance from your partner before you actually break up.
This has many advantages.
On one side, you will gain some emotional distance, which is important to be able to go through the steps listed below.
On the other side, your partner will sense that something is about to happen and will hopefully emotionally prepare himself.
Just cut off contact for a week before.
Do not give too much information, just say you’re busy.
2. Try to be sure about your decision
I know, that’s a tough one, especially when you love the person in question, or are very close to him/her.
You've probably been thinking about breaking up for a long time.
You have come to the conclusion that you don’t fit together, have different expectations about life or were unable to resolve or get to the bottom of your conflicts.
Maybe you have simply realized that you do not love your partner.
Either way, try to be sure that there is no chance of getting things right again.
I wrote “try,” because I know that it's so tough to be sure.
You can be confident of your decision if you have tried several times to repair the relationship by trying to talk about the problems and frictions.
To help with this decision, I suggest that you make a list of all the reasons why you want to break up and write possible solutions besides it.
Then go through your list and reflect whether or not you have done everything you could to solve the problems you’ve had.
By knowing the reasons for the imminent breakup, you will be prepared for questions your partner might ask, and they will help you to cope with the breakup yourself.
So, are you absolutely sure?
Next step.
3. Do it in person
Always talk to your partner in person. Never use email, text messages or a letter.
I know this is tempting because it seems so much easier, but it would also be another type of betrayal.
You owe your partner to look him in the eye when you break up with him. It’s a question of loyalty and morality — an unwritten law.
Not to mention that it’s easier for the person left behind to face the breakup when you tell him/her personally.
Never walk away from this painful burden.
Be fair.
4. Know what and how to say it – be prepared
This is anything but easy.
You have to be well prepared — you have to know what to say in advance.
You must realize that your partner is shocked.
Even if the break up announced itself a long time ago for you, it will come out of the blue for him/her.
The “no contact” before can soften this.
There can be various reactions.
Depending on the personality of your partner, there can be denial, crying, begging, aggressiveness, even abuse.
Try to stay calm whatever happens. Never let this end in a fight.
Here is a short guideline on how to behave when delivering the message:
- Always be understanding, no matter how your partner reacts
- Say that you are sorry that things have not worked out
- Be prepared for questions, look at your list of reasons before you meet
- Try to avoid intimate body contact
- Be confident. If you have not been dominant in your relationship, be it now
- Never be cold
5. Always be clear that it’s unquestionably over
This is the most tricky part:
Never, ever let there be any doubt that your relationship is over.
You’ve made your decision. Stick to it whenever you talk to your partner.
Never give any hope.
The clearer you are, the better and easier it is for the person in the long run.
Always keep in mind: there is no painless way.
This may sound cold-hearted, but it isn’t. The earlier he/she accepts that it is over, the earlier he/she can start the healing and separation process.
NEVER say:
- “maybe sometime we could get together again”
- “A part of me still loves you”
- “I never loved anybody as I loved you”
- “ok, give me some time to think it over”
- “we can still be friends”
Even if all of this is true, you must not say it out loud.
It doesn’t help.
I know it is tempting sometimes to say all of this, (especially if there are still feelings from your side).
You will feel the urge to ease the pain by saying something he/she wants to hear, but this is wrong for two reasons: you are giving false hope and delaying the healing process, and you are getting off your course.
You have deliberately thought this through in step two, and you have decided to break up.
Don’t let anybody talk you out of that decision.
There simply is no way without pain.
If you are harsh, then you appear heartless. If you are not firm, then they will think that there is still hope.
This is a very narrow path.
Find a healthy way through the middle and stay the person you are.
6. Give an opportunity for closure
When you break up with someone, that person often remains in a state of shock for several days.
Often he/she cannot remember what was said during the breakup, let alone understand the causes or your reasons that led to it.
In this case, he/she will seek closure.
Here is a definition of the term “closure” :
By closure, I mean a resolving conversation about the reasons for the relationship breakup and an opportunity to say goodbye.
After a few days, (not longer), offer a dialog, a conversation where you can discuss your reasons for the breakup and why you think that your relationship has been going nowhere.
Often they will ask for it themselves.
You will encounter a lot of resistance and arguments here, but that is why I asked you to make that list in step two.
Remember, the goal is not to make the other person understand, he/she will not, no matter what you say.
Understanding will not come until later in their recovery. Your goal is to give the feeling of an ending and a goodbye.
Try to emphasize the sense of farewell by wishing them all your best for his/her life and deliberately leading to a parting.
This will not be easy for you because the person is still close to your heart.
Remember: stay strong. This is important.
7. Help them with No-Contact
The “No-Contact Rule” is one of the most important premises for healing from a breakup.
But sometimes the urge to call or meet is so strong that many can’t resist.
Help them with this.
Do not go to places where you might meet.
If they call or email you, keep the response short and non-personal.
Never call, email or text message first, not even to ask how they’re feeling.
Most of the time, the one who breaks up has to learn as well that it is over.
By following the no contact rule, you help yourself and your ex-partner.
Conclusion
Now you have a list of 7 steps showing how to break up with someone.
They will make the difficult task easier for both parties.
I know that the whole process is excruciating, but please keep in mind that a broken relationship is a deadlock.
Not only is it stopping you from living a fulfilling love life, but it can also harm your self-esteem and confidence.
Not to mention your happiness.
Once you have made the decision, act upon it.
After you have accomplished this arduous task, you are one step closer to fulfillment.
I promise.
All the best,
Eddie Corbano
I've been frustrated and more depressed and miserable the past few months because I care about the guy so much I couldn't bare to hurt him. This helped tremendously. Thank you. It also made me realize even though it's unintentional I'm only leading him on.
I have a question though, in this world of social networking, what to do when you're friends with his grandma, sister, and his mother on Facebook? We've dated for 2 yrs, so of course we've gotten close. There is the fear of them hating me for breaking this guys heart. I know we have to part ways, but how would I go about this? Should I just wait for them to end up deleting me?
I can't even believe how much this article helped me. I've been thinking and also trying not to think about breaking up with my boyfriend for like a month now. It's been really hard because we still have really good moments but I know it's unfair to keep dragging this on when I want to break up. It's going to totally blindside him and probably be the hardest thing I've ever done, but I think I have the courage to do it now.
hey plz can anyone help me….m so totally lost…..i love this guy from last 3yearx…. and we have been in a relationship from last year…its been a year now….at firxt he used to love me alot….hell alot….he was so crazy about me….i changed myself for him…i did everything i could really do …..but his feelings are changed for me…he admits himself… he laughs when i cry…he makes me cry…he makes fun of me at time…its not that m nt pretty or wot… i am gud lukin nd i love him hell alot tht cnt evn think of leaving him….but he dont give me time at all…he is busy all the time and says that he is busy wid his family…no one can stay busy wid his or her family the whole day…he dont give me any positive response, he somewhat avoids me and he is so quick in disconnecting my call whenever i call him…he dont even msg me…and from last 3days , he wasnt at his home evn….he was in another city with friends and didnt even tell me. he ignored me completely…i fought with him over this and he said that if you want this relation to end then let it ent and disconnected my call….i dont know what to do.. i dont wanna lose him…i madly deeply love him…what should i do … this my second experince…my ex even betrayed me…and now he is doing the same….plz help me…….plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz m so depressed….
devileyes rite , well now is the tyme 2 open them. its clear that u guys have grown apart. the only thing there is 4 u 2 do is get back at him. now its ur turn. stop being up his ass for once and do exactlly what he does 2 u. stop calling, dont show no affection….. nothing b4 u no it he'll call u but dont answer ur best bet is 2 move on. you'll feel better about urself……..
dont listen to scorpio thats a bad idea. you need to explain to him all the things you just explained to us. be honost and tell him that it hurts you when he does these things and its pushing you farther and farther away from him. be honost and explain why you are sad and what needs to happen in the future for your relationship to happen. If you dont address the things that annoy you they will only get worse. If after explaining all this to him and he doesnt understand or do anything to try and fix his problems then maybe it is time to move on, and its okey because there really are other people, even though it seems like he may be the only one. I know there is someone else who will treat you better and you will be happier.
hi everyone i really need some help.. i have a daughter and of course a loser boyfriend he doesn't work or even tries to get job its very frustrating i guess you can say we rushed into our relationship i got prego with just 3 months in the realationship i have known him all my life we grew up together.. when i told him i was prego he left me treating me very bad those nine months but as soon as our daugther was born he apolygizes for everything and i take him back we have been dating for 2 years know and its driving me crazy i have a job i work hard to get my daughter her stuff and he just seems to not care he asks me for money instead.. i want to end this relationship its very stressfull for me.. the only good thing he does is take care of our daughter because he lives with his mom at the age of 24… its very stressing i need to get out of this realationship and i don't want to hurt him because after all he is my babys daddy…..what can i do to get away i need to start a new life and i am scared to be alone at some point but it kind of feels like i already am…..WHAT CAN I DO?HHEEELLPPP!!
You need to do what's right for you and your child. If you are not getting your needs met and he won't concider change, it may be in everyone's best interest to seperate. Work out a custody sched for the child as peacefully as you can. I wish you the best.
I really liked this article, I defiantly took some things away from it.
Seems like some good advice is being offer and I so need some.
I'm in a 4.5yr relationship and I am seriously thinking about ending it.
One question though, how are you suppose to do #1 while living together?
To live with someone and not say a word is difficult, any advice? How can i keep it up for a week?
As of last night I have just shut down, we had an argument, the same argument and I'm basically done talking.
There are a couple of things going on but first things first.
I believe his work ethic is horrendous.
I am 31, and have had 6 different employers total…ever! I have worked since I was 12. Only collected unemployment once in my life for 3 months. I feel I have a great work ethic.
For him to have 5 different employers in the 4.5 years we have been together is troubling to me to say the least. This has been an issue for me after the second one.
We have discussed this before and he tells me that is the way he is, he does not take crap from employers and if he feels that he does not want to work
for them he finds some way to get fired or laid off. With every job that he has had, he has had about 4 months off between. The longest he has been at the same
employer is 14 months (now bear in mind he went out for a total of 6 months with various surgeries and procedures (NONE of them life threatening, emergency in any way)
He was fired for performance issues about 4 months ago.
Now every time he's off, he always gets the unemployment, so he has money coming in. That's about all the positive i can come up with.
His time off would not be such a big deal I guess if my household chores got eased up a bit but I have serious issues with having to come home after my nine hour day
and cook and clean when you slept til 11am. I'm not asking for him to be a maid but he could step it up a bit right? And to hear him say “I got nothing done today”
when I would call him on my lunch is beyond disrespectful. In fact, I was actually told last week in an argument that he does not appreciate cleaning up my “disaster” in the kitchen after I do cook.
(I refuse to clean dishes after I cook, but have to when he lets them sit for three days).
Now, I can totally understand this economy, it is hard to find a job. He has been on 1 job testing (he tested to see if he was able to apply, he failed) since his lay off about 4 months ago.
In my eyes he's not even trying. He has two degrees. How he got them is beyond me, cuz the man does not work.
Now he keeps saying on how he hopes this does not last two years, TWO YEARS! There is no way on Gods green earth I can do this for another year and a half!
It's almost like he trying to give me heads up that he has no intention on finding a job because they allow you to collect much longer now.
I see some serious patterns here and I don't like it one bit.
Second
We just don't see eye to eye on anything, our conversations usually end with me getting frustrated and tired of talking to him because of his constantly 180 degree
viewpoint. It does not matter what the topic is, he always has some opposition to my view. It's really annoying when you partner very rarely has the same view as you.
It makes me not want to talk to him at all. Whats the point if I always have to defend my opinion or comments because . He constantly talks out both sides of his face
(says yes but them immediately says no, that kinda thing). Our communication use to be so good, now it's just irritating.
I have sacrificed a lot for this relationship and feel I put in my 110%. i feel I just have no more to give and I'm tired…emotionally and physically.
So thats leads me to today, we had our argument last night. I left the house, came home about 9pm. Watched a little TV and went to bed. He did not join me.
We said nothing the entire time last night as he sat 5 feet away, nothing this morning and nothing at lunch. I'm at work as I type this and am not looking forward to going home.
So some background on me and my BF, we are a gay couple im 31 he is 44 (yea that's a jump I'll never do again)
(and thank goodness we couldn't get married lol, I don't think I would have anyway even if we could).
I own the home we live in, he does not (so that's good). I'm very scared about being on my own now, I took a 20% pay-cut at work and for me that's $600.00 a month.
So my bills will be tight if we separate, very tight! But I have a good gut feeling that everything will be ok though, and Ill make it. I don't want to loose my home or sell it.
I will just have to make due I guess. i also feel even thought I'll be broke as a bad joke, I'll still be happier than i am now.
Any advise, input, suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for reading this.
hey. i didn't really use your steps to break someone hearts
But i really want to share my story
ive broken two heart at the same time
and they keep on falling back
and i am really stuck right now
i don't know what to do
and trust me i love them both but i have this feeling of 'not sure' to them
i completely agree with all 6 but what about no# 7 if you have kids but not married ????
Hi ive been with my bf for almost a yr now up until a few months ago everything was perfect between us but now were just falling apart. Were fighting constantly and i feel like im the one putting in all the effort. Hes always leaving me for his friends and going to parties whereas before in our relationship he would always put us first. Our lives are also moving in different directions. We work at difficult ours and its becomin more and more difficult to see each other. I think the best thing would be to not stay together but i love him very much still and it would be very hard to get over him.
So I broke up with my boyfriend in Jume, but we lived together and weren't due to move out until the end of this month. We stayed together with the understanding that it would be over when our lease was up, but 2 weeks before I was supposed to move out I got scared and asked him if we were doing the right thing. We work together also and I was thinking of how akward that would be and how I still loved him. He had been trying to get me to stay with him for the last month so of couse he thought we should try to work it out. At first I was happy but now nothing has changed and I fell like I'm trapped with him. In the two months we were apart I fell out of love with him and now I don't want to be with him anymore, it just doesn't feel right. But now I feel like if I say anything he will hate me. We are supposed to sign another lease and I'm dreading it. But if I leave now we aren't gonna be able to work together and I can't afford to loose my job. So do I stay for another year or ruin my life?
How is getting rid of him going to ruin your life. If you aren't in love with him make it very clear. So what if he hates you, you dont need to impress anyone to live, you just need to be happy! So do whats right, you can tell him how you feel, but you still want to live there? Its really up to you but do whats right for YOU! In the end you're the only one that matters.
thanks for this, but my girlfriend thinks that im “the one” and im afraid of hurting her to much. I'm not sure if i have feeling for her anymore and thats why i want to break up. again im afraid of hurting her to much or having her hate me. can you email me a responce at
crazyknidog…@aol.com
ok so i know my relationship started out wrong very wrong but here it is. I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 years now. He is currently going through a nasty divorce partly because she is crazy and partly because I am in the picture. We know we should have waited to get divorced before starting our relationship but we didnt and now we are well I am suffering. So in five years i ahve never meta friend or family member. he has met my parents and friends. His excuse is that he cant bring me around until it s over with her but at this point I feel like its never going to be over. On the other hand he is very good to me. He is a perfect gentlemen he holds the door open for me holds my hand pays for everything and helps me in any situations. he always make me feel beautiful i have neber been treated like this. Even when we are intimate he always makes sure i am ok. He is also gorgeous! I dont want to loose him i feel like if i break up with him he will be gone. But i dont like feeling like im always going to be the other woman. He lives at home with his parents and sister and i just want to be invited in!
Whew… I've been gathering the courage and heart to do this for about two weeks now, and still haven't done it. It's really hard. Thanks for the article, it really helped. Wish me luck… :'(
I have been trying to get out of a relationship of 3.5years for some time now. The reason is he's sexually wild as I have found his need to meet women online and date them for sex. I knew he was horny but he made me think it was for me only. Now I have found it to be quite the opposite. He says he wants to save his energy but then I find out that he is emailing his sexual, turned on pictures to other women. It's clear that he has me in his life not because he is passionate about me but because I am resourceful and helpful when he needs anything. The problem is I love him. I have seen him all these years and he's great with other people, really caring. But as time is passing I am realizing he's never going to understand my emotions. I have had to keep my relationship hidden from my family because we are not ready to get married financially and for me not even mentally. However his family welcomes me and they have known me for a couple of years. But coming back to the main concern: I can't find it in my heart to think he actually won't cheat on me again. Whenever I am out of town or he knows I am not going to meet him, he tries to meet women online or go meet them. When I confront him about what he wants in this relationship he denies that he has cheated.
It's hard for me to break up not only because I love him but also because I won't have any emotional support. I mean his family and friends would know about him needing some support. But I would have to act happy in front of my family. I have had to do that once before but it was after a 2month-long distance relationship. That itself was hard but I managed because it was just talking to someone over phone and couple of meetings (casual). But now being with this guy for almost 4 years, being physically active with him, I can't imagine what I am to do if I do break up with him. He always expressed his desire to marry me having a nice house by the lake, giving me all these dreams. But I feel that he thinks of me as a safe choice. But I am not sure if he really is attracted to me. He always tells me to get skinnier. He tells me if I got fat after marriage he would leave me. I haven't had too many friends or close relationships in my life of 24 years. This was my one of my most intimate relationships where I opened up myself with trust in him.
I am not sure how to go about it. I really don't know. I just know my heart still is full of love for him. But my mind has given up long ago. Hence the imbalance of my emotions with this relationship.
Honey,
He DOES NOT love you. He even said he would leave you if you got fat!! He's cheated on you and is clearly using you. I know you love him, but do yourself a favor and break up with this loser. You deserve to be loved, cherished and respected. Don't settle for second best!
I have been with my bf for 10 years. The relationshiped to started off good and time just pasted by. I care about him a lot, but he just gets on my nerves. (Yes, is aware of the fact that he gets on my nerves). It is not recently that I have had the the thoughts of breaking up with. It is hard to be optionated with him because he thinks he being talk down on or that someone is yelling at him. So it is hard to explain things to him. Then on the other hand we been through so much together. I helped him recover from an accident that he was in and he has known my family and me all his life. He is a great guy that I have continue to be with, but nothing seems to changed we have not move in and he has not has me to marry him. Now more than ever he is getting on my nervers. I told him just a few days ago no can spend no more than 2 days with you before you drive them insane. I my biggest problems is that I do not no now to let go because I don't want to hurt anyone. Currently I am helping him with his school work and he does not have anyone else so I don't know what to do.
How do you break up after he is back to smoking and your heart is now in to him?
Perhaps this isn't really me… publically admitting my feelings. But I hope by the time I am done writing this that maybe I will have convinced myself that this is the right thing to do… I am in a relationship that has just hit its year mark. I am young, in good health, good looking, and have an excellent start of a career. I have just recently moved out of my parent’s home and am now living on my own. So far it has been great. I've been hungry for the extra responsibility and individuality and the whole experience has been very satisfying. During this whole transition however, I have lost interest in my partner. You need to understand… I was born older. For my age I am far ahead of my peers both circumstantially and emotionally. My partner is not. She is right where she is suppose to be for her age… maybe even a little behind. She is missing essential building blocks in her foundation in maturity. Throughout our relationship I have very understood of her and her situation, trying everything in my power to help her along and fill in these gaps… I have put entirely more effort in then I have received back on their end. I guess the bottom line is that I feel that I am now in a different branch of society and maturity which, in turn, has made me realize that this person isn't right for me. Our needs in life are so different. The best way I can describe it is like a single mother dating a highschooler. The problems and concerns of a single mother are not even close to that of a highschooler… But I am getting off track. There are other things that fuel this change of heart. Her actions towards me, the disrespect. There are times she treats me so badly and then expects me to be ok when she wants something from me… I don't love her anymore. I still care for her. She has become part of my life. I have tried many things to try to reignite the sparks that I once saw in her that burned so bright. I have not been successful. I can't do this anymore. I'm going through the motions with no feeling behind them. I feel guilty at the same time… but I need to understand that people change. I have changed and I have been more then patient. I have my whole life ahead of me and this is clearly going nowhere. I need someone who understands and appreciates me. I am being brought down in my life and it is stopping me from living it to its fullest… This will be the first person that I have ever broken up with before. I am struggling with working up the courage to do it… You only live once… and life is too important to waste it worrying about things like this. You can not regret something if you learned something from it. I need to have the courage to take this next step in the rest of my life.
listen i'm in the 5th grade and i have a boyfriend that is yunger than me. i am about to be in middle school and when i am in middle school he will still be in the 4th grade how do i tell him that it just isn't going to work out anymore please help me someone!!!!!
Hey 5th grade girl. I believe that younger kids(no offense here) take break ups easier, and seeing that he's younger than you. So here's what; just tell him that you're moving on to middle school and you guys won't be able to see each other as often, because you would be busier with more homework, papers etc, and that you're ready to move on. If you like you can tell him that you guys can still be friends, but not boyfriend and girlfriend.
all u have to do is get someone like a best friend or sumthinq and tell them to go up to that 4th grader and say that u are not feelinq him no more and i thimk we should take a break……………ithat happened to me and i had to do that..all i did was just ask a best friend to do it for me
ops! this time i realy want to break-up! this is not feeling normal anymor!
my bf and i been together for 2years,started the relationship very serious.we liked eachother,,but i tried to know him first,,,but he used to tell me i trust you very much! i dont need to know you more!it was weird for me!anyway,,,he started to bugg me by being sensetive of me going out,,,and then i was overreacting,,becuz i was a good girl,very committed,ihave agreat family,,i was always free to do anything i want,,but i always know my bounderies! and he was disrespecting me by
being daubtful,,,and controling,! i was fighting with thesebehaviour,,i liked him,,,we were both doctors,both match-looking,,we seemed like a perfect match,,same age,,,so i tried hard to make him realy undrestand
this is not good to have doubts in life! its poisonouss.he said he is sorry
1000times and he repeated that again,,,everytime he had his own stupid reasons why he di that again! his excuses never finished! then i tried to have 3-4hours conversations with him!! ohhhh,,! he swore everyone;s life that will never do ths again,,when i finaly wanted to break-up,,but!
after ashort time when everything seems good,we were even wanted to marry soon,,,but i had always scaring ,having a badfeeling of why he is keep doing this? we fight about lotsa things,,! and we are both proud and stubburn.i feel he is weak,,and the only weapon he ha in the verbal fights,,,is bugging me with his lies about me,,,unmatured ,,,bad-tempering behaviour.U see,,HE keeps poisoning my happy life by his negative,doubtfull thoughts,,and then i say icant tolerate it anymore,,he starts to become angry,,,and say,,u never wanted me! u always looking for a reason to break-up with me,,u are not a girl to look for a good life!
and im like wow,,! when i was with him,,,my parents know,,,i was very committed to him,,,i learnt how to cook just becuz of him,,,i bought a new car to go out with him with it,,,i made all my plans with him,,
i went with him to an eglish class,,while i was advanced level,,and he was,intermediate,,! just to make him happy,,! and now i ve found out,,no matter what uve done,,when he is angry,,he easily he blind who he is talking to,! he doesnt give me bad words or swear me,,but his buggings like a snake,,,is hurting ur heart badly! when he says u dont want a good life,,!its like stabbing me! he is blind to what he is doing to me,,,he is just victomizing himself,,cuz he is weak,,! im tired of presenting myself to him,,to make him undrestand life is about trust!
that never was my job,,! i want to be happy.he cant handle problems,,iam a tough girl,,when i love someone ican tolerate everything!
but he make all tiny thing into a big mountain! he makes me upset becuz of problems too,,! he makes my life like a drama,,,though life,,!
in fights,,he even compare me wth my other girlfriends,,i sometimes do it with him too,! its bad! but,,,iam a girl,,! girls have some girls attitudes,,!
but i guess a boy who is doing this is realy girlish,,! and should be weak!
i shout alittle when iam angry,,thats alittle girly manner,,,but a man who shouts at a woman she is inlove with,,,is a total disrespect ! he is not a good man,,! cuz good girls shout becuz they have given their heart to life,,and they dont let anything ruin it,,,and they want the man undrestand it,,and he does it too,,! doubt=poison in life
make the story short,,we had great memories,,i always pictured a man lik him be next to me,,but iam afraid he has this negative attitudes,,he says he is going to change them all,,,he has tried alot to change them,,
but i still can see when he is angry he becomes so unmature,,not logical at all,,! his reasons things makes you shock,or laugh! i gradually,,started to hate him,,cuz he was very mean to me! i dont deserve someone come to my perfect life and tries to imprison me with his negative thoughts !
when u fight with someone every other day for 2years,,,and things never changed from the basic problems,,!! u know sth is not normal,,!
i wish he could think like normal,,but he can't…and its not my job anymore to talk with him1000 times,,,for 3-4hours to make him belive,,!!
cuz his brain thinks that way,,! he is sick,and weak,! i say i hate you,,
and he doesnt believe me,,! he know everytie he calls me now,,iam so sad of the 2years that passed and i cry alot,,,while he is still giving me his stupid reasons,,why he said this or that,,!! hahaha,,!
i know its gonna be hard for me,,to be singleagain,,while u were so happy finding someone u could marry,,! u thought it very dreamy,,!
but it didnt happen,,,and u should e now that tough to leave him,,!
cuz uknow that man isnt normal,,! he already made u in pan,,disrespect you,,,and say he is sorry,,,he says he is going to make a great life for you,,! he already ruined my life 2years by fighting everyday together,,!
so he is saying bullshit again,,!
wish me luck breaking up with him,,this time,,seriously forever,,
wish me ,,that ive made the best descion ever,,
try to overcome my logic on emotional,,
I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years. 4 of those years under the same roof (3 living with my parents and almost a year living in an apartment together). I have always loved my girlfriend for the person she is but have always struggled to feel the spark between us. She has always known that I was the one for her. She started talking about “the ring” only after a year of going out. The problem is that the feeling was never truly mutual. The first year we were together she lost her mother and I was her strongest support during the whole thing. After that she moved in with me and my parents. We finished school and both got jobs and moved in together. We have had fights just like any relationship but eventually talked it out and moved on. The problem is that even from the very beginning, I think I only stayed with her because I knew how much she had been through already with losing a loved one. I couldn't bare coping with the guilt of hurting her emotionally again after such a horribly sad experience. She has family but they aren't very close and she doesn't have that many close friends. I always kept these thoughts locked away to myself but I know throughout our relationship she had her suspicions. Times when things got really bad and I felt like getting out she would cry and tell me that I was all she had in life and that I was her support system etc… I truly do love this girl but I just never felt “in love” (if there is such a thing). Not only that, but I was beginning to lose my physical attraction towards her. I ended it with her a few hours ago and she left the apt. I can't believe it might actually be over between us. This site has got my mind off thinking about the situation but I just hope I made the right decision. I'm not getting any younger and I just hope that there is someone out there that is a better fit. If not, I think I'd rather be alone than be with someone who I constantly fight with and don't have good sex with.
I feel EXACTLY the same way. My boyfriend KNEW I was the one for him but I just never felt the same way but just stayed with him because he really had no one else but me and I couldn't hurt him. I know I need to leave him because if I don't I'm only gonna hurt him in the long run. This helped me so much. I hope I can be as strong as you.
This post of yours was almost 3 months ago.. I'm curious, have your feelings towards her changed? Did you get back together after a few days apart? or did you just totally end it wit this post?
thanks a ton eddie