Everybody knows that it‘s a devastating experience to be left by someone you really love, be it a break up or divorce. We all have gone through this at least one time in our life. But the fact that it is also very difficult to be the one who actually leaves is something you only know if you have experienced it.

So, the question arises: how to break up with someone?

Relationships come to an end possibly, the reasons are numerous.

They all have in common that one member of the relationship is dissatisfied and pulls back. Maybe he has tried for some time to adjust the relationship according to his wishes. If this fails, he usually quits emotionally long before the actual break up. That is often the reason why the “dumpee” has the impression that the “dumper” is cold hearted—he left mentally months ago.

How to decide if the relationship should be ended or not?

They say that breaking up is hard to do
Now I know, I know that it’s true
—NEIL SEDACA

Here are some guidelines you can consider when taking into account to end a relationship:

• Does the relationship allow you to evolve according to your wishes?
• Does the relationship fulfill your needs?
• Is it possible to have goals together and achieve them?
• Does your partner accept you as you are?
• Can you resolve conflicts together?
• Are you feeling good in your relationship?
• Is the communication with your partner good?

If your answer to these question is in the majority “no” then it is probably time to move on.

So, you want to break up with your girlfriend/boyfriend and you don’t know how to do this? You’ve never done it before or wrong in the past and you could use a helping hand?

The first thing you have to realize is that there is no painless way.

It simply doesn’t exist. No magical words which take the pain away. It will hurt them and it may also hurt you. There is nothing you can do about this. You can only avoid some common mistakes and make it a little easier for them.

As you continue reading, you are about to learn the steps on how to break up with someone the best way. If you have made your decision, just use the following steps as a guideline.

How to break up with someone in 7 steps:

1. Keep a few days distance

It is very advisable to maintain some distance to your partner before you actually break up. This has many advantages. On one side you will gain some emotional distance, which is important to be able to go through the steps listed below.

On the other side, your partner will sense that something is about to happen and will hopefully emotionally prepare himself.

Just cut off contact for a week before. Do not give too much information, just say you’re busy.

2. Try to be sure about your decision

I know, that’s a tough one, especially when you love the person in question, or are very close to him/her.

Chances are that you were thinking about breaking up for a long time. You have come to the conclusion that you don’t fit together, have different expectations about life or were unable to resolve or get to the bottom of your conflicts. Maybe you have simply realized that you do not love your partner.

Either way, try to be sure that there is no chance of getting things right again. I wrote “try”, because I know that these things are not always easy to realize. You can be relatively positive on your decision, if you have tried for several times to work on your relationship by talking about your problems with your partner.

To help you with making the decision I suggest that you make a list with all the reasons why you want to break up and write a possible solution beside it. Then go through your list and reflect if you have done everything to solve the problems you’ve had.

By knowing the reasons for the upcoming break up you will on one hand be prepared for questions your partner might ask, on the other hand they will help you to cope with the break up yourself.

So, are you absolutely sure?

Next step.