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I recently stumbled upon an article which offers some tips for those who lack the needed self-control to resist the urge to cheat on their partners.
This got me thinking.
I immediately had a picture in my mind of men in high positions, suddenly seeing their secretaries in “a certain way”.
Or someone going to a Christmas party at work, and realizing after a few drinks that their co-worker suddenly and unexpectedly looks stunningly sexy.
Or – to complete the cliches – a wife in a sexless marriage finds herself drawn to a close friend who always had an open ear for her.
Are these all cliches? Maybe not so much.
I’ve asked myself – what drives someone to commit adultery?
I found some very interesting opinions about that in the comment section of the article I referred to.
For instance, someone mentioned that his sexual interest in other women was much higher if he didn’t have sex with his wife for a longer time-frame. So, what he says is that the mere existence of the urge to cheat, comes from sexual frustration.
This came up a few times, but interestingly only with men.
Someone else mentioned that the temptation to cheat is related to a certain self-validation: “if someone wants to sleep with me, then I must be lovable“.
There seem to be many reasons why people cheat, but whatever it is that leads to adultery, the first step is always being open to the possibility that you could be with someone other than your partner.
That is why the first measure to counter-act the urge must always be to recognize that the urge is there, and to make it clear to yourself as to the WHY it is there in the first place.
The next important step after that, is to always re-connect with your partner having this WHY in mind.
I also think that you should, as a ground-rule – and this advice is mainly directed towards men – immediately cut off any thoughts and fantasies towards a potential cheating partner.
Because the longer you think about it, the clearer it is in your mind, and the higher the possibility that it will become reality.
The author of that mentioned article has given five suggestions on how to fight the urge once it’s there. The one that makes most sense to me is, “Avoidance” – don’t trust yourself, and elude situations and constellations that can be a danger.
If you are able maintain a strong bond and healthy sex-life with your partner, even when “life” happens and everything turns into a routine, then you will minimize the chances that cheating will ever happen.
Because the real secret of a healthy long term relationship is to NOT fall into routine.
You can find the article by professor Mark D. White here.
I want to know, what do you think are the reasons for infidelity, and have you ever been tempted? Tell me in the comment section below.
Your friend,
Eddie Corbano
This amazing report and newsletter will teach you how to break your Ex-Addiction and finally live the life you deserve.
I’ve cheated on my boyfriend before, which I completely regret. The number one reason, actually maybe the only reason, was that he began to put me down about life and became very needy, basically just sucked the happiness out of me. I never planned for it, but with time I started to seek something happier/more fun (for lack of a better word) without even realizing it. I was automatically drawn, and unfortunately, I gave in.
At the same time, the reason I didn’t break up with my boyfriend was that I was afraid of his reaction to it for a very long time and occasionally when he lightened up it made things worth it.
I 100% believe that if you cheat once, you can do it again. It gets more difficult to stop since you’ve done it before.
Thank you very much S. for sharing this with us.
I am not sure about your last statement though, it depends on the situation. I do believe that it’s a question of principle and character whether one goes the “easy way” (which I unfortunately did many times in my life) or the hard way: see what can be fixed and fix it… OR draw the ultimate conclusion to break up.
I too cheated on my boyfriend sadly and I regret it.At that time we’ve been together for 5 years, but we didn’t have any intimacy for around 1 year … then a close friend came … was really nice to me and it just happened … sadly it wasn’t only once … but went on for half a year, without my boyfriend even knowing about it. He was hinting at it.. eventually we broke up cos he couldn’t take my distance anymore. And I really regret it but he found out from a friend, that I had sex with that other guy and now he doesn’t want any contact at all with me anymore. He even has a new girlfriend now and says he is more happy than ever before.
Is there anything I can do? Or is it really too late for regrets now?
leave it R… there’s no point resurrecting a dead relationship. move on to new one. make it better than the old one. give it your 100%.
I believe that what we think about long enough we will create in our lives. So, if you dwell on sex with someone other than your partner, then, in time, it will happen. So, I agree that awareness of what you’re thinking is vital. If you find yourself frequently of sex with someone else, then stop and ask yourself if it’s worth ruining your current relationship. If the answer is yes, then end the relationship. If the answer is no, then change what you’re thinking about. My advice is always “don’t do to someone else what you wouldn’t want them to do to you” and I don’t think anyone would want their significant other to cheat on them.
I do not have any experience cheating with the person I love but I guess one reason why a person cheat to his/her partner is about contentment in all aspect of life (emotional, physical, social, psychological and etc). We all set standards when it comes to finding someone but not all of our standards can be seen in one person since nobody is perfect and it is a balance of one being wherein you can see the negative and positive point of that person. Love is a matter of acceptance of the totality of the person you choose to love. But some may not understand what really love is. Temptations are always at our back. Another thing that can lead to cheating is pride during misunderstanding whom nobody do a first move to reconcile with each other. Third, is loneliness and heartaches that are not resolve immediately and you cannot find comfort from your partner but from other people. Lastly, no time with each other due to busy work schedules and any other matters to attend to.
As cliche as this may sound, the 80/20 rule is one of the main reasons for cheating.
All relationships are hard work. You’ve got to make an effort and accept each other completely.
When you’re in a relationship that person is your confidanté and you can be most vulnerable about everything with them, the violation of that trust and total disregar for that person is what hurts the most!
Its almost a sense of i wasn’t enough and they couldn’t wait to get into someone elses bed for a few moments of gratification.