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How To Stop Yourself From Facebook-Stalking Your Ex

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Anyone who has been through a tough breakup, and finally come to the realization that the only way to heal is by following the no-contact rule, have eventually come to a point where they feel trapped.

The missing, the need to see, talk, and feel your Ex again can seem so unbearable. How easy would it be to get a glimpse of the “real thing” – a peek into their actual life – by searching through their pages in Facebook, Myspace and all those social gathering places?

A new photo of him/her, what s/he has done during the weekend, if s/he still misses you – all of that seems just one click away.

But would it make you feel better?

Not for a minute, I guarantee you that.

I’ve done it myself many years ago.

I couldn’t bear it anymore. All I wanted to see was an actual picture of her, how she looked like at that time, nothing more.

I was just curious.

But we all know that curiosity killed the cat.

I did some intense searching, (there wasn’t Facebook or Myspace back then), and I finally found a little more than I had bargained for.

I found a picture of her and her new guy.

Now this is something that can destroy you in the beginning. I found myself thrown right back to the bottom of my recovery journey, with all its symptoms: panic attacks, deep despair and depression.

I took me 2 weeks to get out of that. And for what? For a short glimpse into her life?

The price was much too high.

Never ever do something like that. It’s really NOT worth it. There is absolutely nothing you can gain. Nothing, believe me.

Now, IF you have decided to follow the no-contact rule, here are two things I really recommend you to do. It’s for your own sake.

1. Block Your Ex In Facebook

Facebook gives you very good help with the topic of blocking unwanted people.

Basically, everything you need to do is:

  1. go to your Ex’s profile page
  2. navigate to the bottom of the page
  3. click on “Report/Block this person” link
  4. check “Block this person” and then hit “Submit.”

That’s it. Your Ex will not be able to look into your pages and most importantly, YOU will not be able to follow your Ex’s updates.

Your Ex will not be notified that you blocked her/him, but if s/he found out and contacted you regarding this, don’t feel guilty. You are doing this because you’ve decided that you want to take your life and happiness into your own hands. You are doing this because YOU are the most important person in your life right now.

One important thing to know is that your Ex can still appear in mutual friends updates, so I recommend that you block them as well. You can still “unblock” them later when you feel better.

2. Restrict Access To Facebook

There is a computer-geek-way to block certain pages completely from access on your own computer. It’s not difficult to do and I really recommend it for no-contact.

By doing this, you will not be able to visit Facebook or the pages where you can find current information on your Ex.

It’s a little radical, but it’s better to not trust yourself.

Here’s how you do it:

  1. Find the hosts-file on your computer


    2. The hosts-file is located at (depending on your operating system):

    Windows XP, Vista and Windows 7
    C:\WINDOWS\system32\drivers\etc\hosts
    Windows 2000
    C:\WINNT\system32\drivers\etc\hosts
    Windows 98/ME
    C:\WINDOWS\hosts

  2. Append the following code and the bottom of the hosts-file:


    3. # Block Facebook
    127.0.0.1 www.facebook.com
    127.0.0.1 facebook.com
    127.0.0.1 static.ak.fbcdn.net
    127.0.0.1 www.static.ak.fbcdn.net
    127.0.0.1 login.facebook.com
    127.0.0.1 www.login.facebook.com
    127.0.0.1 fbcdn.net
    127.0.0.1 www.fbcdn.net
    127.0.0.1 fbcdn.com
    127.0.0.1 www.fbcdn.com
    127.0.0.1 static.ak.connect.facebook.com
    127.0.0.1 www.static.ak.connect.facebook.com

You can follow the excellent step-by-step instruction explained here.

For the Mac it’s the exact thing, except that the location of the hosts-file is a little more complicated.

Here’s a good instruction for Macs.

You can add all the URLs you want, like Facebook, their Twitter page, etc.

If you are not a computer-geek, ask a friend to do it for you. This is in any case the preferable way, because then it is harder for you to reverse the process.

I urge you to make these changes as soon as possible, because I know it’s a sore temptation to check on your Ex. You will gain nothing by doing so, it will NOT ease your pain or help you to stop missing them. This is an illusion. It will only bring you suffering.

I promise you that you will win so much if you stick to the no-contact rule. You will gain independence, strength and the certainty that YOU can make your own happiness.

Isn’t that worth enough to kiss Facebook goodbye for a few months?

Do you know a better method for keeping yourself from computer-stalking your Ex? Have I missed something? Please share in the comment-section below.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

My Recommendation For Further Reading:

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About The Author:

is a breakup-coach, relationship-advisor and founder of LovesAGame. He suffered from a devastating break up in 1998. Since then, he dedicated his life to helping others getting the best of this existential experience. The overcoming of a break up is an important step to autonomy and independency. Eddie Corbano developed some new coaching programs, which focus on evolving inner strength and the power to set and reach any personal goal. (Article written on September 3rd, 2010)
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  • Hope

    Its really uplifting reading this article and reading the comments below, makes me realize I’m not the only one who does this. My ex and I broke up for almost two years now. He was my 1st love, 1st serious relationship(we were together for 4 years), he also my 1st bf and ultimately the 1st guy that broke my heart and made me go through so much pain. TIl now I check his facebook account on a daily basis, just so I can get a glimpse at what’s going on with his life w/o me. As it turns out, he’s doing quite fine and moving on with his life with his new gf. I don’t know why I check his facebook when I know it only hurts me. Ohh I blocked him countless of time, only to unblock him again and to go back to the same cycle of me getting hurt seeing him moving on and forgetting me. I know I have a problem, I guess I haven’t let go of him and I’m still living in the pass. No wonder why its taking me so long to get over him and the pain is still there as if we just broke up yesterday. Only thing that keeps me going and keeps me having hope that I will get pass this is my faith in God and the support of my family and friends.

  • Cinnadon

    I blocked the sister of my fat gorilla exes new gf. Hers was the only site I had found where I could sneak in and get nuggets of information. My ex is a real creep. He told me so many lies. This is the second time hehas knocked someone up without being married to them. His dtr is now 13 years old and he never married her mother. He cheated on his wife with an old girlfriend at his high school reunion. He cheated on his wife with me, on me with this other girl, and this other girl on me. I’ve fallen into the trap of trying to find fault with new gf’s pictures. SHe definitely has a big nose. I mean we are talking Halloween witch here. BUT, i’ve decided as of yesterday to block and KEEP BLOCKED (that’s the key for me) any sites related to them. My brain and heart are full of pain and I just cant risk knowing anything else. I dont want to know when the baby is born, what his name is, see a picture…I have to let them all go now.

  • http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

    Yes, there is a way. Check out this article.

  • http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

    It’s like an addiction, one more drink to an alcoholic.

    You will stop once you’ve understood that it’s about you, who you really are as a person and that you don’t need him to find happiness.

  • http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

    Unfortunately not yet, but somebody told me that there will be a FF addon soon.

    BTW, I added you multiple times to the “whitelist” but somehow it doesn’t work, I still have to approve every of your comments, can you register a disqus-account? It’s really no big deal and will make things easier for you.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks Eddie, Please let us know if a FF app comes out soon. I’m having a lot of trouble taking the plunge and defriending my ex – I guess cause I haven’t really let go completely or given up hope. I’ve blocked his feeds but he still comes up on my friend side bar and I’m fighting the urge to keep peeking at his profile (I must say its gotten worse over the weekend – I think cause this is usually when we would have spent the most time together). I’ve registered for an disqus account so hopefully it works.

  • Anonymous

    I’ve been struggling a lot with defriending my ex on facebook. He constantly updates all the time – and for the first week or so I was so distraught I rarely went on facebook. Especially because Valentine’s Day was coming up and I couldn’t stand to see everyone else’s flowers. I called my friend yesterday hysteically crying on whether or not to defriend him. I’ve been looking at his page a lot lately – and I know its because I’m still carrying this shred of hope that things are going to change and also because I’m so scared of losing him in my life. I know that its just facebook and that if I really need him or need to reconnect I can email him. I’m just having such a hard time letting go. Several of my friends and my sister are also friends with him on Facebook. It seems so stupid to be stressing over this, but I feel really scared to do it. I’ve took down the albums of our vacation we took together and from his best friends wedding we went to. I feel like I am erasing him from my life – and I don’t want to lose this amazing person.

    • Nicas

      Oh dear, I do know exactly how you feel, I’m in the exact same boat as you right now. And my sister/friends are mutual friends with him, we each still have pics on FB of us from his best friend’s wedding / vacations together etc.

      I keep looking at his profile page every few days like a stalker..I can’t stop myself, even when I see other women writing ambiguous messages on his wall that make me break out in cold sweats/heart palpitations and leave me sleepless for days, imagining all sorts of things he probably isn’t even getting up to.

      But if I delete him I really think I’ll regret it/I don’t want him to think I want him out of my life longterm, because I definitely don’t. Funny how this social networking crap messes with people’s heads.

      My plan to get through this awful, needy phrase right now is to pack my life with new experiences, keep as busy as possible, exercise like a demon and work on bettering myself. I think with time people develop the strength to let go. And if there’s any chance of reconciliation, it usually happens once you’re finally prepared to go and live your life without him.

      Good luck :)

  • CG

    Hi Krishville,

    Didnt your boyfriend bother about you when u were going through all the pains of delivery??? I feel so terrible listenin to what you wrote – It just kills me and brings me to tears as a female…

    the fact is that guys do move on … Girls have a lot of issues with that but they can move on too…

    about 3 years ago i broke up with my boyfriend.. and it was mainly because he didnot want to get engaged he felt i was ruining his freedom – 2 months after our break up i saw a girls facebook picture and it was with my boyfriend… It was their ENGAGEMENT picture..

    my bf was also my best friend – i helped him in studies… he knew how broken i wd get he knew i wd almost kill myself as i have earlier used the blade over silly fights…

    i was devastated… i sat down crying and broken… and remembered all that i did for him and that he did in return -

    I was played – and it was time i got to throw my PRINCE CHARMING IMAGE to trash – and face reality… it took me time and it still pains.. but i moved on – you should too . My bf wanted to talk to me a few months ago – but i refused because i begged him to talk before -and he dint listen.

    For you – just talk to this guy once – tell him u ve his baby – i know if hes bad he would cheat you later… but tell him how stranded you are and how his moment of pleasure would last with you as your baby –

    Even if he does not return u will have peace that u did convey the message –

    If he returns and stays hes for u -

    if he doesnt he was never meant to be… and u have a lil life to save now – ur baby – protect ur baby and be a gud mom – tc B BRAVE.

  • Lucy

     Hi,
    I had some problems with my bf of 3 years.. when he didnt have a job and was sulking around.. during the same time i met a guy who was interested in me from university days.. without meaning to, i ended up having an affair with both of them.. what i wanted to do was break up with my bf.. i figured if i can have feelings for another guy while having an affair with him, he isnt the one right? but when i tried to break upw ith my bf , this new guy didnt let me do so.. he stopped me.. and then he used me for sex.. and left me.. and i know for a fact that he cheats on his current girlfriend too.. and yet.. i still find myself stalking him.. and hurting myself everytime i see “that” expression on his pix on fb.. This post really did help me in realizing that I AM NOT ALONE.. ppl are there who have gone thru the same thing.. and that really helps..now, i have patched up with my old bf.. but things arent really the same.. i keep going back to this loser, no matter how much i know that he’ll hurt me.. its just the memories, andthe sweet love he gave me during the time we were together.. I wish i could stop.. but sometimes its like addiction.. 

  • carolinasfinest

    Trust me, you’re not anywhere near alone……Going through the same thing and it sucks….Please get the strength to get outta bed, and please, please, please, stop checking the facebook pages….It may have stung a lil but you’ll be ok…I promise:0

  • Mr.Man

    I think that confronting your boyfriend’s ex it totally as weird as him checking out her profile… And how do you know he is doing all this? He has ex-issues, you have trust issues.  It is a doomed relationship and you’re both to blame.

    ps. yes, pretty much all men like porn. thats why Al Gore invented the internet.

  • NRG

    Hey, from a guys point of view: Im not sure i agree with Mr.Man.. I dont think you have trust issues and I dont blame you for speaking with his ex as it seams you are trying to understand why he has the need to stalk, if however you are questioning his ex about if they have been speaking, seeing each other then you need to question trust.. It seams to me your man is not over his ex.. Yes most guys watch porn but there is a line? If i can be honest with you, i think that maybe your man feels he is missing something from your relationship.. I could be sex related? What is so special about his ex and porn that he is pining for this and not seeking it through you? Do you like to try new things in the bedroom, do you wear sexy undies for him ect.. Its worth considering but above all, these things are making you unhappy and you need to find away to sort it else chances are your relationship will fail or yourll never be happy.. When the time is right i would approach him tell him that his behaviour towards his ex is making you unhappy and ask that he stops doing this, ask how he would feel if the boot was on the other foot.. As far as the porn is concerned, you can either ask what turns him on and what you could do to spice things up or just surprise him. Hopefully the need to watch porn will fade out or at least to the point that you wont even know about it as it really happens. If he continues to contact his ex than at least you have tried to fix things. If you are still unhappy than maybe its time for you to find someone who will want you as much as you want them.. GL 

  • Demeplev

    wow I hope your doing better, this sang to me as 9/20 was my birthday and I spent it in the hospital with my now ex..he was so kind stayed by my side, I never felt so loved and cared for before he stood by my side…I don’t want to medicated myself . He dumped me on Monday its now late wed nite no contact since then my heart hurts so much…you dont deserve to feel second, or third I wih you see how he was so not worth you medicating yourself over but as i too am in horrific grief i KNOW I will get past this and I KNOW there is better for me and I plan on taking v=care of me first I spent a lifetime of taking care of others being there for others loving others caring what someonelse thinks…now its my turn I AM THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON TO ME!!! as you shouldfeel to and I wish and pray for you and all the others who are so so sad, Let him back in? NO WAY…I do have a little birdie telling me wow you really want him…but in reality I know its not realistic or anything any of us =should want ..I want my man to be my rock not go flacid when he feels like the spark isnt there anymore…blah blah blah!! Take care of yourselves for this thanksgiving , I give thanks to Eddie for giving us stregnth and hope to move foward with our best selves forward..thank you!

  • http://lovesagame.com/ Eddie Corbano

    De-Friending and blocking him on FB is the only way to deal with this problem. This also sends an unambiguous signal: “leave me alone!”.

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