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How To Stop Yourself From Facebook-Stalking Your Ex

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Anyone who has been through a tough breakup, and finally come to the realization that the only way to heal is by following the no-contact rule, have eventually come to a point where they feel trapped.

The missing, the need to see, talk, and feel your Ex again can seem so unbearable. How easy would it be to get a glimpse of the “real thing” – a peek into their actual life – by searching through their pages in Facebook, Myspace and all those social gathering places?

A new photo of him/her, what s/he has done during the weekend, if s/he still misses you – all of that seems just one click away.

But would it make you feel better?

Not for a minute, I guarantee you that.

I’ve done it myself many years ago.

I couldn’t bear it anymore. All I wanted to see was an actual picture of her, how she looked like at that time, nothing more.

I was just curious.

But we all know that curiosity killed the cat.

I did some intense searching, (there wasn’t Facebook or Myspace back then), and I finally found a little more than I had bargained for.

I found a picture of her and her new guy.

Now this is something that can destroy you in the beginning. I found myself thrown right back to the bottom of my recovery journey, with all its symptoms: panic attacks, deep despair and depression.

I took me 2 weeks to get out of that. And for what? For a short glimpse into her life?

The price was much too high.

Never ever do something like that. It’s really NOT worth it. There is absolutely nothing you can gain. Nothing, believe me.

Now, IF you have decided to follow the no-contact rule, here are two things I really recommend you to do. It’s for your own sake.

1. Block Your Ex In Facebook

Facebook gives you very good help with the topic of blocking unwanted people.

Basically, everything you need to do is:

  1. go to your Ex’s profile page
  2. navigate to the bottom of the page
  3. click on “Report/Block this person” link
  4. check “Block this person” and then hit “Submit.”

That’s it. Your Ex will not be able to look into your pages and most importantly, YOU will not be able to follow your Ex’s updates.

Your Ex will not be notified that you blocked her/him, but if s/he found out and contacted you regarding this, don’t feel guilty. You are doing this because you’ve decided that you want to take your life and happiness into your own hands. You are doing this because YOU are the most important person in your life right now.

One important thing to know is that your Ex can still appear in mutual friends updates, so I recommend that you block them as well. You can still “unblock” them later when you feel better.

2. Restrict Access To Facebook

There is a computer-geek-way to block certain pages completely from access on your own computer. It’s not difficult to do and I really recommend it for no-contact.

By doing this, you will not be able to visit Facebook or the pages where you can find current information on your Ex.

It’s a little radical, but it’s better to not trust yourself.

Here’s how you do it:

  1. Find the hosts-file on your computer

  2. The hosts-file is located at (depending on your operating system):

    Windows XP, Vista and Windows 7
    C:\WINDOWS\system32\drivers\etc\hosts
    Windows 2000

    C:\WINNT\system32\drivers\etc\hosts
    Windows 98/ME

    C:\WINDOWS\hosts

  3. Append the following code and the bottom of the hosts-file:

  4. # Block Facebook
    127.0.0.1 www.facebook.com
    127.0.0.1 facebook.com
    127.0.0.1 static.ak.fbcdn.net
    127.0.0.1 www.static.ak.fbcdn.net
    127.0.0.1 login.facebook.com
    127.0.0.1 www.login.facebook.com
    127.0.0.1 fbcdn.net
    127.0.0.1 www.fbcdn.net
    127.0.0.1 fbcdn.com
    127.0.0.1 www.fbcdn.com
    127.0.0.1 static.ak.connect.facebook.com
    127.0.0.1 www.static.ak.connect.facebook.com

You can follow the excellent step-by-step instruction explained here.

For the Mac it’s the exact thing, except that the location of the hosts-file is a little more complicated.

Here’s a good instruction for Macs.

You can add all the URLs you want, like Facebook, their Twitter page, etc.

If you are not a computer-geek, ask a friend to do it for you. This is in any case the preferable way, because then it is harder for you to reverse the process.

I urge you to make these changes as soon as possible, because I know it’s a sore temptation to check on your Ex. You will gain nothing by doing so, it will NOT ease your pain or help you to stop missing them. This is an illusion. It will only bring you suffering.

I promise you that you will win so much if you stick to the no-contact rule. You will gain independence, strength and the certainty that YOU can make your own happiness.

Isn’t that worth enough to kiss Facebook goodbye for a few months?

Do you know a better method for keeping yourself from computer-stalking your Ex? Have I missed something? Please share in the comment-section below.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

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144 Responses to How To Stop Yourself From Facebook-Stalking Your Ex

  1. Hope January 18, 2011 at 10:54 am #

    Its really uplifting reading this article and reading the comments below, makes me realize I’m not the only one who does this. My ex and I broke up for almost two years now. He was my 1st love, 1st serious relationship(we were together for 4 years), he also my 1st bf and ultimately the 1st guy that broke my heart and made me go through so much pain. TIl now I check his facebook account on a daily basis, just so I can get a glimpse at what’s going on with his life w/o me. As it turns out, he’s doing quite fine and moving on with his life with his new gf. I don’t know why I check his facebook when I know it only hurts me. Ohh I blocked him countless of time, only to unblock him again and to go back to the same cycle of me getting hurt seeing him moving on and forgetting me. I know I have a problem, I guess I haven’t let go of him and I’m still living in the pass. No wonder why its taking me so long to get over him and the pain is still there as if we just broke up yesterday. Only thing that keeps me going and keeps me having hope that I will get pass this is my faith in God and the support of my family and friends.

    • Kukut March 4, 2013 at 7:05 am #

      Hi

      I’m in same situation as u are, only difference is my GF dumped me. She was also my 1st love, 1st serious relationship. She dumped me last week and already in relationship with her new BF. I’m now doing the same mistake, i’m not friends with her but i keep on looking at her profile, i can’t help it. I found that she was already in relationship when i checked her profile and killed me, i was still crying this morning, did not sleep for two days. Now i’m trying not to look but i;m still looking at least it’s not 100 times in a day. It’s decreasing now and hopefully stop one day. This website helped me a lot. Thx

      • Jen July 25, 2013 at 9:40 pm #

        Ugh, I’m in the same mess. My bf and I were together for 6 years. I broke up with him a year and a half ago because during our last vacation he treated me very poorly and I suspected him of cheating on me. I thought that me breaking up with him would stir something in him to be nice to me and make up. It didn’t work.

        I kept him on my FB for a few months after the breakup, even got on the FB messenger (which I never used before) just so I could see if he would get on there and talk to me. We were on there a couple of times at the same time but he didn’t talk to me. Finally, I gave up hope and deleted him from my page but I still continued to stalk his profile and check out all the girls he was adding to his page. I slowly began to stalk his page less and less, then a couple of months goes by and he sends me an email on FB telling me that he noticed I kicked him off FB, that he hoped I was doing well and that things were the same old same old with him. I never responded, but that brought me back to stalking him continually again.

        Then a couple more months go by and he sends me a friends request. We got to talking again for a couple of weeks and he went on about how much he missed me and I thought he wanted to rekindled the relationship. Well, I did some investigation and found out, via another girls FB page, that he had been cheating on me! I confronted him about it and he was very cold, told me to drop it and that he had only kissed the girl. Then he immediately responds that he is sorry. I told him off and stopped speaking to him. Then a couple more weeks go by and X-Mas and New Years pass by and no word from him. I send him an email, ask him why he had not wished me a happy holiday. He writes back and says he will call me later, that we needed to talk about “us”. He calls and again is very cold. Finally after some small chat he tells me that he is seeing someone and it is very serious.

        I was shocked, I felt like I had been hit by a freight train. He said that their relationship was not serious before because they didn’t see each that often, now they are seeing each other more and they are very close and that he had just spent the holidays with her. He told me that he could see himself falling in love with her and that he only contacted me because he was still “fond” of me and the sex together was always spectacular. I was devastated! He didn’t love me any longer and I still loved him and he is throwing another girl in my face.

        I went into a tail spin after that, depression, suicidal thoughts, I started seeking therapy and my doc has put me on a dozen different meds and combos to alleviate my symptoms. Works a little bit, but I am still a mess 7 months after he tells me all this. Then I was desperate to find out who the girl was, so I cyber stalked him continually and found out info that destroyed me. He had started going to Norway on business trips with his job a few months before we went on our last vacation together. He met this girl through his job and she had been on his facebook page starting the year before that. So it made me wonder how long they had been chatting. I looked up everything that I could about her, she is perfect…she is highly educated, has a great family, high paying corporate executive job, travels the world, donates her time to charitable organizations. She’s perfect and I cannot compare. I ended up contacting her and told her everything, that didn’t work…it brought them closer together and right after that she started posting pics of him and her together on her FB page because she has moved closer to him and they have been taking flights on the weekends and holidays to see each other. He has already introduced her to his friends and family. I got on her Instagram page and saw so many pics of them together on holiday and vacations and they look so happy.

        After I found all of that a couple of months ago I stopped stalking, but I think about it constantly and I see the pictures of them in my head. It has destroyed my life. I feel like I will never be the same, this has been my most devastating breakup, and I was married previously for 12 years and have 2 kids with my ex-husband and I was more than happy when we divorced. I feel like I will never get over this and never find happiness again. I have not dated, nor do I have desire to, for the past year and half while he is having the time of his life with his new gf.

        • Valeria November 20, 2013 at 3:44 pm #

          OMG, I read your story from beginning to end. At the beginning I thought that you were something like 25-26 but the last part totally killed me. It’s been 4 months and I’m wondering how you are doing now. I’m really sorry to hear your story. Can’t say that I’ve been through the same “shit” although we all go through different kinds of shit and it doesn’t matter whether one situation seems worse than another. The only thing that matters is how you feel about it. And I can see that you have lived through so much pain and find it extremely hard to let go. How things are going with you? Do you feel any better? Have you found new hope in life?

          • Susan August 3, 2014 at 1:03 pm #

            I need to know that you are ok. I was involved for 6 years and engaged, previously married as well. i think now that he is probably a narcissist. We live in a small town and he dumped me on Mothers Day. He has moved on in under 3 months to his 3rd love who is currently spending the night in a house i created for him. I did my first and last drive by.

  2. Cinnadon January 24, 2011 at 6:45 pm #

    I blocked the sister of my fat gorilla exes new gf. Hers was the only site I had found where I could sneak in and get nuggets of information. My ex is a real creep. He told me so many lies. This is the second time hehas knocked someone up without being married to them. His dtr is now 13 years old and he never married her mother. He cheated on his wife with an old girlfriend at his high school reunion. He cheated on his wife with me, on me with this other girl, and this other girl on me. I’ve fallen into the trap of trying to find fault with new gf’s pictures. SHe definitely has a big nose. I mean we are talking Halloween witch here. BUT, i’ve decided as of yesterday to block and KEEP BLOCKED (that’s the key for me) any sites related to them. My brain and heart are full of pain and I just cant risk knowing anything else. I dont want to know when the baby is born, what his name is, see a picture…I have to let them all go now.

  3. Eddie Corbano January 31, 2011 at 10:06 am #

    Yes, there is a way. Check out this article.

  4. Eddie Corbano February 12, 2011 at 11:06 am #

    It’s like an addiction, one more drink to an alcoholic.

    You will stop once you’ve understood that it’s about you, who you really are as a person and that you don’t need him to find happiness.

  5. Eddie Corbano February 26, 2011 at 9:21 am #

    Unfortunately not yet, but somebody told me that there will be a FF addon soon.

    BTW, I added you multiple times to the “whitelist” but somehow it doesn’t work, I still have to approve every of your comments, can you register a disqus-account? It’s really no big deal and will make things easier for you.

    • Anonymous February 27, 2011 at 11:23 pm #

      Thanks Eddie, Please let us know if a FF app comes out soon. I’m having a lot of trouble taking the plunge and defriending my ex – I guess cause I haven’t really let go completely or given up hope. I’ve blocked his feeds but he still comes up on my friend side bar and I’m fighting the urge to keep peeking at his profile (I must say its gotten worse over the weekend – I think cause this is usually when we would have spent the most time together). I’ve registered for an disqus account so hopefully it works.

  6. Anonymous March 1, 2011 at 3:25 pm #

    I’ve been struggling a lot with defriending my ex on facebook. He constantly updates all the time – and for the first week or so I was so distraught I rarely went on facebook. Especially because Valentine’s Day was coming up and I couldn’t stand to see everyone else’s flowers. I called my friend yesterday hysteically crying on whether or not to defriend him. I’ve been looking at his page a lot lately – and I know its because I’m still carrying this shred of hope that things are going to change and also because I’m so scared of losing him in my life. I know that its just facebook and that if I really need him or need to reconnect I can email him. I’m just having such a hard time letting go. Several of my friends and my sister are also friends with him on Facebook. It seems so stupid to be stressing over this, but I feel really scared to do it. I’ve took down the albums of our vacation we took together and from his best friends wedding we went to. I feel like I am erasing him from my life – and I don’t want to lose this amazing person.

    • Nicas March 5, 2011 at 9:10 am #

      Oh dear, I do know exactly how you feel, I’m in the exact same boat as you right now. And my sister/friends are mutual friends with him, we each still have pics on FB of us from his best friend’s wedding / vacations together etc.

      I keep looking at his profile page every few days like a stalker..I can’t stop myself, even when I see other women writing ambiguous messages on his wall that make me break out in cold sweats/heart palpitations and leave me sleepless for days, imagining all sorts of things he probably isn’t even getting up to.

      But if I delete him I really think I’ll regret it/I don’t want him to think I want him out of my life longterm, because I definitely don’t. Funny how this social networking crap messes with people’s heads.

      My plan to get through this awful, needy phrase right now is to pack my life with new experiences, keep as busy as possible, exercise like a demon and work on bettering myself. I think with time people develop the strength to let go. And if there’s any chance of reconciliation, it usually happens once you’re finally prepared to go and live your life without him.

      Good luck :)

  7. CG April 10, 2011 at 8:48 am #

    Hi Krishville,

    Didnt your boyfriend bother about you when u were going through all the pains of delivery??? I feel so terrible listenin to what you wrote – It just kills me and brings me to tears as a female…

    the fact is that guys do move on … Girls have a lot of issues with that but they can move on too…

    about 3 years ago i broke up with my boyfriend.. and it was mainly because he didnot want to get engaged he felt i was ruining his freedom – 2 months after our break up i saw a girls facebook picture and it was with my boyfriend… It was their ENGAGEMENT picture..

    my bf was also my best friend – i helped him in studies… he knew how broken i wd get he knew i wd almost kill myself as i have earlier used the blade over silly fights…

    i was devastated… i sat down crying and broken… and remembered all that i did for him and that he did in return -

    I was played – and it was time i got to throw my PRINCE CHARMING IMAGE to trash – and face reality… it took me time and it still pains.. but i moved on – you should too . My bf wanted to talk to me a few months ago – but i refused because i begged him to talk before -and he dint listen.

    For you – just talk to this guy once – tell him u ve his baby – i know if hes bad he would cheat you later… but tell him how stranded you are and how his moment of pleasure would last with you as your baby –

    Even if he does not return u will have peace that u did convey the message –

    If he returns and stays hes for u -

    if he doesnt he was never meant to be… and u have a lil life to save now – ur baby – protect ur baby and be a gud mom – tc B BRAVE.

  8. Lucy May 19, 2011 at 5:33 am #

     Hi,
    I had some problems with my bf of 3 years.. when he didnt have a job and was sulking around.. during the same time i met a guy who was interested in me from university days.. without meaning to, i ended up having an affair with both of them.. what i wanted to do was break up with my bf.. i figured if i can have feelings for another guy while having an affair with him, he isnt the one right? but when i tried to break upw ith my bf , this new guy didnt let me do so.. he stopped me.. and then he used me for sex.. and left me.. and i know for a fact that he cheats on his current girlfriend too.. and yet.. i still find myself stalking him.. and hurting myself everytime i see “that” expression on his pix on fb.. This post really did help me in realizing that I AM NOT ALONE.. ppl are there who have gone thru the same thing.. and that really helps..now, i have patched up with my old bf.. but things arent really the same.. i keep going back to this loser, no matter how much i know that he’ll hurt me.. its just the memories, andthe sweet love he gave me during the time we were together.. I wish i could stop.. but sometimes its like addiction.. 

  9. carolinasfinest September 26, 2011 at 2:49 pm #

    Trust me, you’re not anywhere near alone……Going through the same thing and it sucks….Please get the strength to get outta bed, and please, please, please, stop checking the facebook pages….It may have stung a lil but you’ll be ok…I promise:0

  10. Mr.Man October 13, 2011 at 5:45 am #

    I think that confronting your boyfriend’s ex it totally as weird as him checking out her profile… And how do you know he is doing all this? He has ex-issues, you have trust issues.  It is a doomed relationship and you’re both to blame.

    ps. yes, pretty much all men like porn. thats why Al Gore invented the internet.

  11. NRG October 24, 2011 at 4:44 pm #

    Hey, from a guys point of view: Im not sure i agree with Mr.Man.. I dont think you have trust issues and I dont blame you for speaking with his ex as it seams you are trying to understand why he has the need to stalk, if however you are questioning his ex about if they have been speaking, seeing each other then you need to question trust.. It seams to me your man is not over his ex.. Yes most guys watch porn but there is a line? If i can be honest with you, i think that maybe your man feels he is missing something from your relationship.. I could be sex related? What is so special about his ex and porn that he is pining for this and not seeking it through you? Do you like to try new things in the bedroom, do you wear sexy undies for him ect.. Its worth considering but above all, these things are making you unhappy and you need to find away to sort it else chances are your relationship will fail or yourll never be happy.. When the time is right i would approach him tell him that his behaviour towards his ex is making you unhappy and ask that he stops doing this, ask how he would feel if the boot was on the other foot.. As far as the porn is concerned, you can either ask what turns him on and what you could do to spice things up or just surprise him. Hopefully the need to watch porn will fade out or at least to the point that you wont even know about it as it really happens. If he continues to contact his ex than at least you have tried to fix things. If you are still unhappy than maybe its time for you to find someone who will want you as much as you want them.. GL 

  12. Demeplev November 24, 2011 at 6:31 am #

    wow I hope your doing better, this sang to me as 9/20 was my birthday and I spent it in the hospital with my now ex..he was so kind stayed by my side, I never felt so loved and cared for before he stood by my side…I don’t want to medicated myself . He dumped me on Monday its now late wed nite no contact since then my heart hurts so much…you dont deserve to feel second, or third I wih you see how he was so not worth you medicating yourself over but as i too am in horrific grief i KNOW I will get past this and I KNOW there is better for me and I plan on taking v=care of me first I spent a lifetime of taking care of others being there for others loving others caring what someonelse thinks…now its my turn I AM THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON TO ME!!! as you shouldfeel to and I wish and pray for you and all the others who are so so sad, Let him back in? NO WAY…I do have a little birdie telling me wow you really want him…but in reality I know its not realistic or anything any of us =should want ..I want my man to be my rock not go flacid when he feels like the spark isnt there anymore…blah blah blah!! Take care of yourselves for this thanksgiving , I give thanks to Eddie for giving us stregnth and hope to move foward with our best selves forward..thank you!

  13. Eddie Corbano February 7, 2012 at 6:46 pm #

    De-Friending and blocking him on FB is the only way to deal with this problem. This also sends an unambiguous signal: “leave me alone!”.

  14. Eddie Corbano February 10, 2012 at 8:17 pm #

    Excellent!

    And for those who doesn’t have iOS or Android, your provider can block certain numbers for you…

  15. Partha February 15, 2012 at 7:32 am #

    Hey,

    There’s a new way of limiting contact on Facebook. Its an improvement per se. You can “unsubscribe” from the updates from your “ex”. That way you don’t have to block them. You can visit their homepage and click on the friends tab and his “unsubscribe”. You are not removing them from your friend’s list, you are not blocking them, you are just hiding their updates from appearing in your news feeds.

    After you have done the above, in the chat section you can click on your ex, and in the conversation “gear” button – click on “appear offline from this person” menu. If you do that, even if you get online, your ex can never see you online and initiate a chat with you.

    The flip sides of the above ways of decreasing contact are that you can still see your ex online, and its difficult to stop yourself from pinging him, even if you try to. Trust me, its difficult to stop yourself from contacting a person you love more than yourself in the initial break up phase. Its difficult to see him online and not ping, waiting for a response!

    Secondly, your ex can still see your news feed, and if they want they can like and comment on them and you will receive notifications about them when they do that.

    Thirdly, your ex can still send you messages and everytime you log in facebook will show the number of messages you have received and you will be tempted about reading the messages he sent. Its difficult to stop yourself from not reading messages and not seeing notifications once you are logged in to facebook.

    So, the best suggestion is to just leave facebook, for a couple of months, tell your close friends the reason for that, and keep your other channels of communication open for your friends to get back in touch with you.

    lastly – uninstall that facebook app and facebook messenger from your “smart” phone! Its infectious and doesn;t help anyway. I have uninstalled them and I am religiously following the following statement ” NO FACEBOOK for the next 4 months, until I get over completely”.

    • Eddie Corbano February 15, 2012 at 3:06 pm #

      Thank you for letting us know, this is indeed an improvement.

      But I still think that it’s better to un-friend them for two reasons: 1. it is then not so easy to re-friend them again 2. this sends a strong message that you want to take your life into your own hands.

      Eddie

  16. The3ddy February 15, 2012 at 9:27 am #

    OMG THANK YOU FOR THIS

    I have been looking for a way to just prevent myself from looking at someone’s facebook. I don’t trust myself.

    Blocking is not an option as it will unleash social hell upon me because of my tight-knit social group and their frequent usage of facebook that they’d realize something is up. It’s that bad too a point that I’d rather not use facebook anymore than block them so THANK YOU SO MUCH. It doesn’t matter how geeky/hard it is. I have the determination to do this.

  17. Eddie Corbano February 18, 2012 at 11:53 am #

    Your way is definitely the best, but I understand it’s a little too radical for many people.

    No matter what you do you will always ask yourself whether they tried to contact you or not. You must simply accept that and don’t allow it to distract you from your path.

    • E. Honda February 19, 2012 at 12:47 pm #

      Thank you. It’s so hard to trust one’s own judgement after a breakup. You question yourself and your decisions all the time. I can’t wait 4 the day where I truly could care less about my ex. 

  18. Duped February 25, 2012 at 5:30 pm #

    My BF broke up with me via TEXT — WHILE on a date with someone new — the night before we were supposed to go away to his beach house for a three day weekend.  Before that he had been the perfect gentleman.  A week before this happened he sent me a lovely handmade Valentine’s card.  I started checking his Facebook page (I was not on his friends list but his site is public), and I immediately saw the new GF (who has Pamela Anderson boobs).  I also saw that he was hosting a big party at the beach house. 
    Can’t stop checking his FB page even though it’s torture.  I don’t get his updates cause I’m not his FB friend, but I can’t stop looking.  FB is the worst invention ever.  I never get anything but pain from it.  At best, it’s like the world’s most boring Christmas letter, and at worst it can turn you into a stalker.  I hate Mark Zuckerberg.

  19. tv2012 June 5, 2012 at 5:43 pm #

    I deactivated my facebook and deleted his email from my contact list because it just kept coming up every time I put in the letter J. This is torture, but i think it would be more torturous if I checked his facebook. I do wonder if he misses me or who hes been with but i keep reminding myself,,,”its not my business anymore” or “I’m free from having to think about what hes doing or who hes with”. It scary for me because hes all ive known for 5 years. I keep thinking if ill ever feel this way again for someone else or if someone else will feel what he felt for me.

  20. stargirl2712 June 12, 2012 at 8:35 pm #

    My bf and I broke up about six months go..and i was okay with that but then we remained friends (worst idea ever) and started acting like a real couple. the last week of the semester in college he started texting a girl non stop and then he just stopped texting me those three days…he suddenly decided that we were just friends and that we shouldn’t be texting that much. When he saw me in person, he would act so flirty and coupley tho! I saw a text from her on his phone a couple times and then since I came home I saw these two idiots interacting more on facebook. Of course, I feel like he’s in love with her blah blah. I confronted him before school ended and told him that I can’t keep doing this couple thing and I went all No contact from him, BUT I still have his facebook password…I slyly told him to change it, but he never did! Now, I keep checking his facebook to see if he’s talking to her. It’s complete torture. My friend changed my fb password. I blocked it on my computer, but idk how to block it on a phone…and I check it multiple times a day feeling guilty as heck and just wanting to fully move on. What do I do? It’s just a comfort to know he’s not interacting with her at all. But when he does the littlest things…liking her profile pic for example, i’m like shattered. He mostly ignores my posts on facebook too =(

  21. soccershik93 June 24, 2012 at 9:41 pm #

    This same thing happened to me just two days ago. It was like someone punched me in the gut haha But I blocked him on Facebook, read a bunch of the articles on this website, and I feel A TON better even though such a short amount of time has passed.

    Our exes don’t get the growth and learning experience that we do by not immediately jumping into a new relationship.

    We’ll be better off for it. I know it. =)

    • Blueivy July 18, 2012 at 12:34 pm #

      hey… i lke ur comment dear… our exes never be better than us in life when it comes to the experiances and learning from experiances. we gained enough knowledge on managing relationships

  22. whatamidoing?! September 23, 2012 at 3:46 pm #

    I have ‘friended’ and ‘unfriended’ my ex on facebook more times than I care to remember. Each time I have sent him a message stating the reasons. Initially he would reply to my messages… and now he doesn’t bother and just accepts my friend request every time I offer it. Each time I see his face (no new gf yet), I am hurting myself. When he is not on fb and I am, I wonder where he is and feel jealous that he has moved on and having fun while I’m struggling to live each day.

    I know he’s not right for me… but I still idolise him and put him on a pedestal. This is all about my own self esteem and confidence…. I know that. Somedays I am strong and then somedays I am obsessed. Even writing now, I’m still obsessing over him BUT I have now blocked him from facebook.

    When it first ended, I dealt with it a lot better than I am now. I have made this go on a lot lot longer than it ever should have and I know that a lot of that is down to the fact that I have nothing else really going on in my life. I look forward to the day when I actually decide to put myself first.

  23. Kitt November 5, 2012 at 2:14 pm #

    I wrote an impulsive comment that I wish I didn’t write on my ex’s wall thinking irrationally that after blocking him he wouldn’t even see it. Minutes later I got nervous that he’d pull through somehow and aggressively question me even though we’ve cut off other means of connection. Immediately afterwards, I also deactivated my Facebook account.
    Could he still see my comment AFTER I blocked him? I hope you offer me some nonjudgmental comfort. Thank you

    • Eddie Corbano November 5, 2012 at 4:27 pm #

      Well to be honest I don’t know. I know that you can delete comments that you are not happy with, but I don’t if a comment is still visible after you deactivate your account… sorry.

  24. Drake Nash January 21, 2013 at 11:18 am #

    I finally found this website and I realized, that i too need to vent. my boyfriend and i broke up on May 2012 (8 months ago) 11 days after he graduated his masters degree. he was from another state and was taking his masters in the state that i was in. the thing is though, he’s been hinting that he couldn’t care less or valued the relationship as early as 5 months before we broke up. I couldn’t tell if he was just lonely and needed someone to be physically around , or if he really did care deeply for me cuz he wanted to see me all the time. As for myself, i got so worried about not having enough time tospend time with him before he graduated, that i dedicated and poured out all my efforts to spend as much time as i could with him, scared that i’ll regret i didn’t make the effort to have more time with him because he would always ask for me to be around and always voice out that he really wanted me to be around, wait for him after class, cook dinner with him, go grocery shopping, go out, and live the simple things in life as a couple who truly couldn’t enjoy the day without the other. Basically he played the card on me like i needed to be there for him as much as he needed me because he would miss me when the time comes he graduates, and he can’t stand take the feeling of us being apart. Dumb enough i dedicated my whole self into him for 8 months, while he threw out hints that he had no future plans for us that much but at the same time acted like he really needed me. What a huge lesson learned after all of this. Luckily i’m a smart girl, and i’ve always known that if ‘you’re confused about what a man says and what he does’ , only believe what he does , because it would tell you the truth. but as much as i was smart, my exboyfriend would then be smarter at playing mind games. He would pick me up all the time after his work, and we would drive 40 minutes back to his house. On the weekends when i would stay back at my place and not asked to be picked up on his way home from work (to check if he was just doing it for convenience. cuz i live right near where his work is at. to check if he would still pick me up, even when it’s not one of his work days, to check if he loved me that much) and lo and behold he ‘would’ pick me up. He would do anything a dedicated bf would do. I would wake up in the morning, with myself wrapped around his arms, i would wake up in the middle of the night with myself automatically wrapped around his arms. It was as if even in his dreams, he couldn’t breathe without making sure his lengthy strong arms were doing it’s job to protect me. During my work days, he would get up and make sure he cooked breakfast and that i fully have something to eat with a full stomach before he dropped me off to work for my 3-11pm evening shift. I’ve loved him from the first time i got to talking to him when i met him (he was showing me a picture of his mom in his cellphone) in the middle of a loud noisy and a bunch of drunk crowd of people in a party. I can’t say the word ‘love’ at that moment. but i did find him interesting. It took 3 weeks of me ignoring him til i agreed to meet over lunch before my evening shift at work to have an excuse not to leave. and lunch could be left just as lunch as that. I’ve never really knew what i could say i feel the first moments of meeting to the last. but i can say i fell deeply in love from the moment we had our first exchanges of conversation. it was as if we got along so much. that i didn’t feel on the edge or tense to impress him about every single word i had to say. i felt very relaxed. and he responded in the same manner very well to that. He did everything a guy in love would do. Which was the main big factor that confused me. His actions spoke love. but his presence spoke treachery. it was as if in the back of my head , i knew whatelse was really going. And i think that’s the speacial thing that every girl/woman has i guess. the power of esp and intuition. My exboyfriend showed me how much any dedicated guy woul act if they deeply cared about somebody. but my gut feeling told me something else. And yes , this is true , i would say for all the women out there , all those articles , you read about gut instinct. They are True. You really should listen to them. that when you’re gut instinct kicks in, it is usually right , because it senses the truth of something else. the truth that only the soul could feel even when faced with a most convincing mask. My gut instinct told me my boyfriend then was a liar.and he didn’t care about me. But his actions showed otherwise. I was confused for the longest time and it affected my health and sleep during the course of our relationship. I wish i should’ve listened to my gut instinct earlier though and not let myself drown in the loveable acts of deception. As i was right, during the course of our relationship , i noticed my boyfriend couldn’t even say the word ‘ i love you ‘ not even once. He never talked about the future. but just the future up to the time he was leaving (more like a bait. to keep me feeling sorry for him. to keep me around. because he didn’t have anybody.) when a friend of his visited from his home state. he was specifically bothered even a one whole day before his friend arrived. and specifically voiced it out to me that he didn’t want his friend to ask ‘specific’ questions about the relationship of us. As if i wasn’t smart enough to catch that red flag that he obviously didn’t want his friend to ask how serious we were , because he wasn’t serious at all. even though (serious) is the way he would act. or at least to manipulate me. It was then and there that i caught the biggest red flag. I asked myself. (If he acts really serious about us, why is it that one of his closest friends is forbidden to ask any questions that would lead to him answering anything about our fututre as a couple.) Why did it bother him that much. that he didn’t want his friend to ask.? and let alone . He never brings the future up . Or when it comes he wants to work it out. I regreted waiting my time with this kind of person. Who always made me feel uneasy. Like i was walking on eggshells and all the time i didn’t know where our relationship was at. After we broke up. it hurted alot. he made it on proper timing. Exactly on the day two days before he left my state and met up with his guy friend for the two of them to drive back to his home state. I gave it a shot one last time to test him to see if i was right that he didn’t love me or was i just being crazy and that our break up was probably just do to unavoidable long-distance relationship that is hard to handle as a circumstance, but lo and behold i was right. , the following day, i told him i was near his area , and wanted to see if he would go out of his way to see me one last time (even if his friend is around), and i got my answer. He didn’t want to see me one last time ‘now’ that his friend is around. I realized then that he only kept me as a secret. and that he probably only kept me around during times when he felt lonely cuz he didn’t have any friend of his around. Because the minute his friend was finally around. He didn’t even ache to see me (as the trademark he would always put on as an act) for me to run to him. but when his friend is finally around, it was as if he didn’t even feel any of that. I’ve always been a smart girl. I knew all along that he was never treating me right in the relationship. But i stook around ’til the end ’til he left. Maybe because i wanted to one day look back with no second thought or regrets that i ‘knew’ i really did my best in the relationship. I wanted to know that when it comes down to it, i ‘did my best’ and he still didn’t make the effort to make it workout. So i can walk away and know that i did my best and there was nothing i lacked in anything i had to do. If i could go back i wish i had enough in myself earlier on to be strong and walk away from the minute my instinct knew that what he was showing was not enough. But it was a hard lesson learned and i’m glad i didn’t walk away to the very end. so i could look back and say i wasn’t the one who didn’t make it work out. The biggest lesson i learned was that. A job (one’s work) should be reall more loved than a relationship. Because a job (employment) and an education would never betray you as much as a boyfriend or a relationship will , or does. I used to get distracted when he would call while i was in the middle of work. I used to anxiously wait and jump around when the hour was coming close for me to clock out and finally be done with work to call him back. But now i learned the truth and reality of priorities i should really be focused on at. That men and a relationship with them are really a waist of time. It’s a drain to a woman’t health and energy . It’s a web and maks of lies . Waiting to cut off and laugh at your face and say gotcha! I’m glad i’m not one of those girls who have been in their relationship for over 2 – 3, 4 – 6 years , and that’s when suddenly their good for nothing boyfriend pulls the word gotcha! and ends it like their years together were nothing . and they are just strangers at the best of that.
    I’m glad i didn’t wait for years to go on. It hurts alot because i deeply cared and still do care about him. At times i still browse websites just to try to heal. like this one. But in the end i know , him playing the part of deceiving is nothing tears crying about that its worth. Because my feelings might overule me and say it was ok and he was great in the relationship, but in the parting ways and grand scheme of it all , i can always remind myself , that he didn’t do everything he could do to keep me, and someday . , there will be a guy out there that could never let me go.
    I’ll just kick up my heels and smile. (or practice smiling again slowly) cuz the right one could just be already somewhere around me waiting.

    Oh and to add to our breakup. I got into a serious accident that involved injury on my head just before my exboyfriend parted ways with me. And the biggest eye opener of it all , is that not once did he express that he was comppletely sad or sorry aboout what happened to me . Instead , he insulted me. So that goes again for another lo and behold sure certain way for me to look back at any time i am confused about my feelings after the break up. And be totally honest and known to myself. that i didn’t do anything . and i have / had no fault on anything that led us to our break . or could look back on anything to even try to blame myself. Whenever i get confused , i can always look back and know that i should never blame myself. I don’t have a fault on the break up on anything.
    As early as right now. I am already conditioning myself on what eventually in the future will come. A picture of him and another girl publicly on line on each other’s arms. I am embracing myself already for it . And I think my reaction will be i’ll be happy for that. No matter how prettier she turns out to be than i am. I will be happy. because she will the next victim he would have. I understand he could be nice. But any guy who adds insult to injury to another person who is going through something . Is a sue sign that he would do the same thing to anyone no matter what , and is really a pesky side of his true unravelled personality. And if it’s a personality trait or part of him , it would most likely be applied to every other person or all the people he knows who will actually have a chance to get really close to him. I know that personalities don’t really change, especially if a person has hit a certain age. and they still can’t tell the difference between acts of what’s right and wrong.

    Update. : so lately i’ve been working on getting my healthy image back. I am doing what i can to rationalize that i really have to stop waisting time thinking about the past. realizing that the person i had a relationship wasn’t right. And that i should stick to my guns next time (my instinct). I’m ready to ignore everything and go on with my life. Focus on my career and pray to God for a successful life. And open my opportunities to unfamiliar grounds and making more friendships while i proceed to cntinue coompleting my requirements to continue to engage more and improve my life. And maybe just maybe , one of those friendships will be for a properly well – deserving heartfelt undeceitful proper guy who is willing to fight for my heart , and who deserves to have me in his life as much as i would enjoy to have him in mine. I know somewhere out there , is the relationship i deserve , and the right guy who will make sure he does everything in his power to fight a thousand battles or go to war just to keep me.

    Biggest Lesson ; a wolf can really hide in sheep’s clothing .

    -Jdyosa :) Goodluck everyone!!
    (using one of my good friend’s fb. while he forgot tonlog out. hahahaha)

  25. Jen February 2, 2013 at 6:09 am #

    I am not alone! I broke up with my long distance bf of 6 years last April (9-10 months ago) due to the way he was treating me on our last vacation together and the few months before that that he had been distancing himself from me. I knew that he was cheating on me, although he denied it over and over again. We talked very rarely for the next couple of months after the break up and I tried to patch things up but he said that the long distance just no longer worked for him. I continually stalked his FB page and would hang out on the messenger to see if he would log in. A couple of times he did log in he did not say anything to me. I finally got tired of it and kicked him on my FB, I just could not keep living like that. I was very heartbroken.

    About a month after I kicked him off my page he contacted me, said he noticed I had kicked him off FB, that he wanted to know how I was, that things were the same old same old with him. I did not respond. About 6 weeks later he sends me a friends invite on FB. To my regret, I contacted him and asked him what he wanted. He went on and on about how he missed me, no other girl compared to me, he has been thinking of me every day, that I was the only person who knew him, blah blah blah. Well, we talked for a couple of weeks and then I found evidence that he had cheated on me when we were together and I went off on him. The next day he sent me a “kisses” message but I never replied.

    I was ok with it at first, but then a week went by and he didn’t contact me for Xmas, and another week went by and I did not hear from him for New Years and this was the first holiday we had not been a couple. I became very depressed and decided to contact him a couple of days after New Years. He said that he was sorry for not contacting me, but he had been traveling again for work but that I had not been responsive to his last emails. He said that we needed to talk.

    He calls me later and tells me that he is seeing someone, that he has been seeing her for some months now and that things were serious and he wanted to move forward with her. I told him it had only been a couple of weeks, how could things all of the sudden be serious and why did he contact me in the first place if he was seeing someone? He told me that things were not that serious with them before, but they spent the holidays together and moved their relationship to the next level and he wanted to see where it was going to go. I asked him if he loved her, he said not yet but he could see himself falling for her. I wished him well and hung up.

    This was a few weeks ago and I have fallen into such a deep depression, I was suicidal and I am on medications for depression and anxiety, plus I started to see a therapist. I am obsessed! I found out who his new gf was and to my despair he got into another long distance relationship! He had been traveling to Norway for his job over the last year and met her there. But he started talking to her through FB the year before that when him and I were still together because they had a mutual friend and they are both in the financial field. I am unsure when the relationship actually started, but I found through her instagram page that she has also been flying to Peru to see him as well as him going to Norway. She just got a promotion with her job and moved to NY, a couple of weeks after starting that job she flew down to see him recently for the weekend and I saw a pic of them on her instagram page and I broke down. He took her on a boat tour of the islands off of Lima with all the sea lions and wildlife, something he knew that I had wanted to do before. I thought I was going to die! She said on her instagram that he was the best boyfriend. But she doesn’t know him at all, she does not know him like I do and I wonder if he is treating her so much better than he did me.

    I have been so obsessed with emailing her. I wanted to send her the emails that he sent me before they met for the holidays, the suggestive sexual texts and the dirty pic he sent me of himself. I want her to know everything! I also wanted to tell her that I was his gf for 6 years up until last April, because I am not sure if the relationship started while he was still with me and she didn’t know he had a gf. I want her so badly to know what a complete lying POS he is! I have not sent her anything, I am trying to stay away from it, but it consumes me to stalk them online. And all it does is make me feel worse and worse. My whole life is suffering because of it, I don’t know what to do!!

    They both are from wealthy families, highly educated, and both have high paying jobs. She is 10 years younger than me, no kids, he also is a few years younger than me, no kids, so they can both come and go as they please and travel around together. And here I am, a struggling single mom with and ex husband that gives me no child support, I am struggling to finish my second degree while living with a relative and I feel like a complete loser. She is so much better than me, he just used me for attention and sex and then ran off with her, doing all these things with her. I feel hopeless and lost!

    • Angie February 27, 2013 at 12:59 am #

      Your story is so painfully similar to mine! From the waiting on FB to see if he’d say anything…or me posting things I knew he had an opinion about to see if he’d respond. I even posted the best picture of me in a bikini on the beach looking as happy as could be. And I did get responses from him, though they were never what I wanted, they were never about me, or us. When I deleted him he also contacted me to let me know he had seen that I blocked him and to say goodbye, but didn’t care to ask why I had deleted him (red flag 1 that he didn’t care). I then would go on his new gf’s page and see that he was leaving her all the sweet comments I wanted for me…and saw pictures of them doing all the things we were planning on doing (going paintballing, hiking, beach trips etc) and all the comments about what a cute couple they are and how they are going to have beautiful children from the same friends and family that would once say those things to us (she is also 7 years younger than me). I could feel myself sinking farther and farther. He contacted me Saturday and I wish I could tell his gf about that too, but he did it in a very tactful way. He really didn’t say anything that could be the least bit incriminating aside from telling me he was looking at old pictures of me. I wouldn’t contact her anyway, I had one of his ex’s contacting me when we were together and 1) I didn’t want to believe anything she was saying 2) I was actually embarassed for her, that she was so pathetic to be sending me these messages. So I would never put myself in that situation, and I am glad you wont either! I feel I was used for attention and sex too…and all I can hope for both of our ex’s is that karma bites them in the ass REAL hard! I get how you’re feeling though, it’s not fair that we get the short end of the stick any way you look at it, not only did we get dumped, but they get to run off and have fun and be happy. It just doesn’t seem fair..

  26. Sean February 23, 2013 at 4:20 am #

    So I have been off of facebook for 2 months now. Contemplating getting back on there but nervous about it. My Ex-Fiancee broke up with me December 1st after 1 year of engagement and 4 total years together. She was my everything and I did anything I could do to make her happy such as pay for rent, clothes, vacations and a medical enhancement. She broke up with me 1 month after we moved into a new apartment in a new 12 month lease, which is causing much stress. I feel like she left me so she could go drink and party more and it hurts me soo much.
    It hurts that I bought a $2900 bedroom set and then she wouldnt even sleep in it, just kept sleeping on the couch. On our 1 year anniversary of me proposing to her she went out with a friend and never came home. I am still very devistated. I worry that I will run into her if I go out.
    I need advice on getting back on facebook. I dont want to delete her because I feel like she would get upset. Please help! I have lost 40lbs due to depression over this and question if I will ever find someone for me. Thank you very much for help

    • Angie February 27, 2013 at 12:06 am #

      Remind me again why you care if she gets upset?!?! She needs to realize what she did was wrong, just like children, adults need consequences for their actions. I’m not saying hurt or harass her in any way, but it’s not fair that she did what she did to you, and she still gets to keep you as a friend. I am in the same boat, I haven’t come back to facebook either because I know I am only going to see things that hurt me, but I made sure that the last thing I did before deactivating my profile was block him. That way when/if I do come back to facebook, I wont see a trace of him, and he wont see a trace of me. I think what you really want is for her to have a way of contacting you. Remind yourself that if she changes her mind and wants to find you, she knows where you live, she knows your number etc. if she really wants to find you, she will find you. Right now you need to focus on getting YOU better. Beginning with deleting her.

  27. Andrea March 1, 2013 at 2:15 pm #

    I guess mine is the opposite situation in a way. Six weeks after breaking up with my boyfriend (or he broke up with me rather), he all of a sudden deletes me on Facebook. Of course I’m offended as we haven’t spoken in those six weeks so I don’t know what the motivation behind this was. I’d understand if it was right after we broke up, but six weeks later? Perhaps he’s seeing someone new or can’t cope with seeing me on Facebook anymore, but I sure would like a male perspective on this and I sure as hell am not going to ask him why he deleted me. Any thoughts? The sad thing is it’s upsetting me way more than it should (I clearly still have a lot of healing to do). I shouldn’t hold the hope that we’ll ever get back together again…perhaps that’s what staying friends on Facebook kind of implied to me and now I feel like I’m losing him forever. Anyway, that’s my situation.

  28. Smooth March 9, 2013 at 3:38 pm #

    The best way to stop yourself from stalking you ex is the “Reverse Facebook Block”.

    I have written about it but am posting more details on 3/28. But basically the Reverse Block is when you make THEM block YOU.

  29. zoe March 30, 2013 at 3:57 am #

    i just broke up with my long distance boyfriend now and i feel like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulder, spent weeks trying to bring back an “old flame” back but did not work out i just had to face it, our relationship had been fading and based on his behaviour of less communication and lack of interest in my feelings or fixing our relationship i figured he had met someone else closer to where he was, i do not now if i am still in denial or what because right now i feel nothing,,i have been reading your articles and they helped me a lot i must say and i am glad to admit that i blocked him and now i do not have to see his updates and all that. Once again, thanks so much

  30. james harrod April 13, 2013 at 3:08 pm #

    hi eddie
    is there a simple way to stop myself from messaging someone on facebook
    we are not friends on there now and I don’t receive links
    but I have a tendency to pour my feelings out into messages which i regret sending, Im looking for a way to turn off the message feature to stop myself

    thanks

  31. Jay April 15, 2013 at 9:34 pm #

    Thank you, This article really helped me! I blocked him on facebook!

  32. Nina May 21, 2013 at 1:21 am #

    whoooo hoooo I did it :) blocked him finally …only took 7 months of heart ache but finally I am at the point where enough is enough …now to get on with my life … good luck everyone in this day of social media true its much harder to move on but move on we must …

  33. Me July 12, 2013 at 12:12 pm #

    I need your help, I am so desperate and I hate myself for doing this again and again. I have already deleted my ex from FB, so there’s no problem with that. What I can’t stop is checking over and over when he was online on Whatsapp (and *shame* checking his email-account) and then asking myself who he is writing with. I know in my head that it is so bad for me and it doesn’t help the let-go process at all, but I still can’t stop. I delete his number from my cell, but then I add it again just to check Whatsapp. The relationship was so bad, he was such a wrong person and robbed all my self confidence, I am absolutely clear on that. So why do I keep doing this? I should be glad if another girl has to worry about him and his problems, so why can’t I let go? He broke up with me 3 weeks ago.
    I would really appreciate your help. Thank you!

    • Mike August 20, 2013 at 2:22 am #

      Hey Me,

      I totally hear ya. What you need to do is log out of his email account, and then click “forgot password”. It will basically force him to change his password.

      Trust me, I had to do it too. I was in my ex’s email, Facebook, LinkedIn, Skype, you name it, I was in it. I used a keylogger when we were together. I’m still going through the “withdrawal” but you can do it.

      Also, don’t beat yourself up. I suggest you go see a therapist or a psychiatrist. Either the therapist will help you get it all out and coach you through how to move forward, and/or the psychiatrist will let you know if you have manic/bipolar tendencies. I learned I have bipolar, and it was making my “stalking” and control issues worse.

  34. moki July 20, 2013 at 8:05 pm #

    well i stumbled across this article searching something totally different but it sounded interesting because it was something i did and sometimes I’m still doing it… i thought i could help telling you guys my own experience: i did go through all that phase of facebook stalking and whatnot but i tried to keep a neutral mind about the thoughts coming to my brain because i believe in this saying “you can run but you can’t hide” our past will haunt us no matter what we do but as a drug addict gets used to his dope (builds up tolerance) this will also keep losing it’s freshness provided you consider it as a normal brain activity until it has finished it’s cycle. what’s tricking you here is mostly your short term memory and a part of your long term memory but as a person who breaks his leg you have to give your self a recovery time that will include pain. your natural defense mechanism against the bad chemistry in your brain will eventually develop and your brain will automatically stop craving for the thing that used to stimulate it’s dopamine production but was unavailable just like a drug addict. so whatever thoughts i was getting i just let them float and didn’t fight my own mind because the harder you try to avoid it the worst it will get and will bother you a lot more… these memories will get old and not stimulating anymore just like a nice game you played 1000 times or a nice song you were crazy about 10 years back but you kept listening so much until you got sick of it.. just let the thoughts float do whatever suits you in that moment and after you’re done go back to your daily activity… learning a new thing will over write the bad memory… remember you are the only one who can find happiness and no one can help you in that

  35. Kim August 30, 2013 at 2:59 am #

    Hi everyone. I feel incredibly lucky to find Eddie’s website, and to be able to read his words every day. I have been separated for six months from my husband of 10 years, and since that time I have searched Google using every search term related to separation, divorce, being dumped…only finding useless “advice”. I am not even sure how I found Eddie’s website, or what terms I searched, but after six months of Hell, I feel relieved, understood and grateful to be here. Using another poster’s words, it is like therapy, and it is not a coincidence I found you.
    My soon-to-be-ex-husband agreed to a “trial separation” after he told me he wanted a divorce. I found out much too late that this is typical behaviour of “dumper” and “dumpee”; me trying to save this marriage at all costs, while all my ex had in mind for this “trial” was placating me and letting me down easy, while NEVER EVER having the intent of getting back together-he was done, and had been done, for probably years. I moved out, and we hung out on the weekend, with me hanging on to his every word, while he was hanging out because he was lonely and felt guilty, NOT because he had any intention of salvaging our marriage. Hindsight is always 20/20 isn’t it? I felt like such a fool.
    We have been in almost constant touch since the beginning regarding selling our home, legal matters, etc., mostly via email. I held onto his every word, still hoping he was missing me. Again, hindsight being what it is, I should have ceased contact immediately, referring him to my lawyer regarding our home, finances, etc. I would cease contact for days at a time, start to feel positive and strong, then, boom, seeing him or seeing his emails in my inbox…set me back weeks or months of my recovery. I did it to myself. But I realized I needed to break contact PERIOD; no emails/phone calls/texts…merely seeing he had sent me an email would set me back. He writes a blog, so of course I would creep and stalk him there and on FB. I couldn’t help myself. Doing this was the worst thing I ever did to myself. It did NO GOOD, period. Just the opposite. A quick peek at his blog, or his FB and I was devastated. About one month ago I discovered he had a “serious” girlfriend, according to him they had been “dating” for 2-3 weeks and they were “soulmates”, on the “same page”, discussing a family and a future, blahblah…this was a huge kick in the gut from reality. Knowing he HAD moved on and seeing pics of him and her on his blog and FB…I knew I had to take action. I sent him one final email telling him we were not going to contact each other again period. That was 3 weeks ago. I am getting stronger with every passing day. Of course, I compared myself to his new girlfriend in every way, she was prettier, smarter, funnier, better in bed, you name it. I still do, but it is getting better. I realized he was emotionally gone from our marriage years ago, and was eager and ready to move on from it. He has moved on, and I need to learn it is of no concern to me and his new “love” is no better than I am.
    Please, please stay off your ex’s Facebook, blogs, MySpace, Twitter. It does NO GOOD, I promise you. I still find myself alone in moments of weakness where I check his blog, and regret it IMMEDIATELY. I have made a promise to myself not to do this to myself, but maybe it is part of my healing in order to move on, because their pictures are there, right in front of me. I wish I could block his name on search engines on my computer….maybe I can? Does anybody know if this is possible?
    Please stay strong everyone. We are not alone here on these pages. Thanks to all of you for your posts, and thanks to Eddie…I am finding such strength and insight here.

  36. E. Hodnett September 24, 2013 at 8:02 am #

    I have read Eddie’s good advice throughout my grief period following my breakup. I find them on point, and superior to most other articles on the subject. It hits close to home.

    I am a mature gay man. I was in a long-term relationship for 28 years; which ended in his passing from a bout with cancer. He didn’t tell me he had it, and I didn’t know he was even ill, until his health started deteriorating; and I had to take him to the hospital. I only knew of a heart condition, which was associated with his smoking. Not the actual cancer diagnosis. I had suspicions, but he never let on. He finally died. I am a very strong person. Somehow I got through my grief. When a person dies, you know that it’s over for good. So you have little choice, but to accept the finality. I was able to move on.

    Six years after his death, I stayed single and dated only for companionship. I met many very attractive men, and I keep a very active social life. Not once did I allow anyone to penetrate my heart. It was casual, friendly, and sex without attachment. I felt too vulnerable, and had little experience with but one guy. We met very young and became a couple shortly afterwards. We fell in-love, and never parted since it began. So attaching my feelings to other men wasn’t easy for me. I wasn’t comfortable with the widespread lack of commitment, and noticed most guys just wanted to hook up. I played along with it, but always kept my heart out of it. I know what commitment is, and I also know that there has to be some degree of chemistry and mutual attraction; before a relationship can move on to a higher level. So I preferred traveling and attending social events with friends. It was fulfilling enough. Six years passes and single life was just fine with me.

    I met a guy. I’m older, but he was mature and only a few years younger.

    I went to see a play at a local theater with friends one night, and we stopped for drinks at a local bar. I felt someone staring, and could see him in my peripheral vision. I turned his direction, and he smiled at me. He invited me over and bought me a drink.

    He was a tall slender good-looking fellow. Very down to earth and had a very deep voice. It had somewhat of a gravely sound, so he got my attention easily. He was divorced from a woman for several years. Has three grown children from his marriage, the youngest still living with him and attending a trade school. We had a few drinks and had talked until closing of the bar. He seemed tipsy and I didn’t think it was good to let him drive. I was only blocks from home, and invited him over. Of course he thought this was an opportunity. We got as far as making out, I put an end to that. It wasn’t my intention. I found him attractive, but I wasn’t out trolling for sex. He slept for awhile on my foldout couch, and left a few hours later. He had my number and called. We dated only twice, and I just wasn’t ready. I just canceled the third date and didn’t call him anymore. I just wasn’t into a lot of casual sex and risky behavior. I had a funny feeling I shouldn’t get too close. I followed my gut.

    Months later, there was fundraiser for AIDS, and I ran into him again. He asked what happened to me. I explained I wasn’t ready to date anyone seriously, and I just needed to stop it abruptly so there wouldn’t be any feelings attached. He was forgiving and invited me out, this time it was more serious. We committed, so I thought. Things went well. He has a lot of things he likes to do, and I have a busy life of my own. We decided to vacation in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. We stayed at a plush gay resort for a couple of weeks.

    Things started to surface that made me uncomfortable. I just ignored the red-flags.
    He wanted to venture places and do things that really weren’t what I felt comfortable doing. He seemed disappointed that I tried, but couldn’t go through with it. I’m a very open-minded and experimental fellow; but I have my limitations. We had a few small quarrels, but I attributed them to being tired from the long drive we took down. He loves driving, I prefer flying, but he also wanted to have his sports car. So I agreed to it.

    Upon returning, we both went back to our usual lives and routines. He started becoming a little distant. He is semi-retired but runs a side-business. I work full-time, with weekends off. I noticed he started planning things that didn’t include me. I learned of them just hours before the event, and it was one of his old friends going. Not me. I don’t like arguments or confrontation. I just shrugged it off as his “me-time.” We both have our own friends, so no big deal. Live your life, I’m not a needy person. I do expect some of his time. He bought a travel trailer. He’s a do-it yourself kind of guy. He spent a lot of time adding embellishments and customizing his trailer. He showed me the outside. I never saw the inside??? He spent a lot of time working on the trailer. He had found a lot for his trailer up in Vermont, where it was very picturesque and remote. It was in the dead of winter, but he showed me pictures of the area in late summer. He used to own a cottage nearby.

    He continued with spending less and less time with me. More with his friends. He was a bowler, and played on a team. I was invited as a alternate. I got the scores up really high, which earned them an award and money prizes. I got invited to the end of the season party; which was at a very exclusive seaside location. It was beautiful. He was drinking more than usual and acting strange. Later on that month, he blind-sided me and broke-up with me. I didn’t see it coming, I got caught off guard, and felt terrible.

    I am getting through phases of grief, and he calls one day all happy and friendly.
    This was during my no-contact period. He filled me in on his kids and what he was doing. I was in a hurry to end the conversation. I wasn’t feeling good about hearing from him.
    He calls again, noticing my shortness during the conversation and asked if I was okay.
    No, I was not okay; but made up some lame excuse about being in a hurry to go someplace. So I went back to my no contact, but I couldn’t stop looking at Facebook.
    He was updating pictures of his trailer and beautiful scenery he shot pictures of nearby. I felt crushed, because I was never invited. Out of the blue he calls. He asked if he could come over and pick up some things he left over my place. I had forgotten some clothing and some presents I’d given him. So, I agreed to have his things ready for him. I live in a gated community and didn’t invite him in. I met him at the gate and gave him his things and quickly turned my back. I said nothing to him. He asked why I behaved such a way. I didn’t bother to respond. I just closed my eyes and went back to my condo. I was done, so I thought.

    I find myself pissed off that he never invited me up for the summer, and only remembered to come get some things left behind. He even told me over the phone he had people coming up for the weekend. Never suggesting maybe I could. He talked like everything was normal and we were big friends. To this day that phone call turns my stomach. Yet I still crave checking his updates. I suddenly stopped over a month ago.
    I’ve fought my cravings like a heroine addict going through withdrawal. I miss him terribly, but I refuse to call or contact him in anyway. I still violated by checking his updates only up to only a few weeks ago. I feel myself weakening, so it was time for a dose of Eddie.

    I’ve been reading his articles over the past few months. His words have kept my head on straight. I still grieve and feel depressed. Not sad or paralyzed. I have good days and bad days. It hits me unexpectedly. I’m pretty resilient in nature. So I’ve been doing everything as usual. Enjoying my freedom and my friends. Doing what I like to do.
    Days go by, then the thoughts and memories hit me. I crave to see him. I got rid of all things that remind me of him. I even put his presents deeply buried away. I’m not sure I remember where. I miss his voice and the nights together. Eddie is right about checking social media, you just relapse for days. I needed to read this article for emotional reasons and some reinforcement. I had to read experiences of others. It’s good to see I’m not alone and there is a source of information that helps.

    I don’t have any false-hopes of reconciliation. I don’t want him back. I even forget him days at a time. It’s just that it has only been five months and I want to get over him.
    I’ve made a lot a progress and reading this article will put me back on my path.
    Thanks Eddie, and thanks folks for reading my comments.

  37. Rosie December 14, 2013 at 2:06 pm #

    Eddie – thank you. This website gave me the strength to block my ex, after a year pining after him. I realise now that he’s not the same guy I fell in love with all those years ago, that I’m better without him, and stronger for it.

  38. Natasha December 16, 2013 at 2:41 am #

    I have broken up with my ex for 6 months now and he has a new girlfriend and has already been on holiday with her! (which I found out through fb). They are starting all the new hobbies me and my ex used to do. I check both of their fb pages everyday and its killing me! I realise its became a total obsession but I really can’t help it! I have blocked them several times and unblocked them. Deactivated by fb, deleted my fb then made it up again!! I don’t know if it will ever get better unless I meet someone else I love!! Its good in a way to hear I’ am not the only one who has done it tho!!

  39. Shawna June 28, 2014 at 3:03 pm #

    3 years later and I still check his fb page. I have this crazy idea that he’s posting things for me to see. While I KNOW this is insane, half of my brain believes its true. (I like cats he posts cat pics kinda thing, I know I’m nuts) I even had a dream about him last night. I was so relieved he changed his mind and knew I was the right one for him. I’ve never loved someone like this before despite the long relationships I’ve had in my past. We were perfect for each other except for one thing…religion. This stupid reason for breaking up (which may have been an excuse) makes me think he stil loves me but his religion is keeping him away. I guess I came here to see how to stop stalking my ex on fb (I know I can block him but will just unblock again) After reading everyones comments I’m thinking I’m not alone in this crazy mess. Now that I think of it I heard crazy ppl don’t know they’re crazy so maybe I’m just having a human experience that you all are having. These comments helped me see I’m not alone despite how embarrassed and pathetic I feel. Maybe I will block him again? But then I’ll never know if he’s married and that’s really what I’ve been looking for to be able to move on (for some reason a married man is a turn off for me, prob a good thing tho) I hope just in sharing my thoughts maybe someone can relate like I did to the ones above. They actually did bring me some healing.

  40. Andrea July 29, 2014 at 12:38 am #

    Hello I was wondering if you can block someone on instagram that doesnt follow me…My ex new girlfriend has hers open and she posts things everyday im going crazy help!!!

  41. Stephanie August 9, 2014 at 1:14 am #

    It really IS an addiction.. The temptation to check up on your ex on Facebook. I have deleted mine, and I still break down sometimes and will create fake profiles just to see pictures of him because I miss him that much. It hurts, it does no good. It’s like relapsing every time I do because he has moved on, and here I am still not over him, depressed, crying, and sad and he doesn’t have a care in the world. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been thinking of selling my laptop and getting rid of my phone. Just totally cutting out all internet from my life. But I haven’t been able to do that just yet. It really sucks and I feel so pathetic and blue about it. I hope one day I will overcome this and finally move on for real. I’ve had 2 boyfriends since him, and I still cannot stop thinking about him.

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