How To Stop Yourself From Facebook-Stalking Your Ex

by Eddie Corbano

108

Stop Facebook-Stalking Your Ex

Anyone who has been through a tough breakup, and finally come to the realization that the only way to heal is by following the no-contact rule, have eventually come to a point where they feel trapped.

The missing, the need to see, talk, and feel your Ex again can seem so unbearable. How easy would it be to get a glimpse of the “real thing” – a peek into their actual life – by searching through their pages in Facebook, Myspace and all those social gathering places?

A new photo of him/her, what s/he has done during the weekend, if s/he still misses you – all of that seems just one click away.

But would it make you feel better?

Not for a minute, I guarantee you that.

I’ve done it myself many years ago.

I couldn’t bear it anymore. All I wanted to see was an actual picture of her, how she looked like at that time, nothing more.

I was just curious.

But we all know that curiosity killed the cat.

I did some intense searching, (there wasn’t Facebook or Myspace back then), and I finally found a little more than I had bargained for.

I found a picture of her and her new guy.

Now this is something that can destroy you in the beginning. I found myself thrown right back to the bottom of my recovery journey, with all its symptoms: panic attacks, deep despair and depression.

I took me 2 weeks to get out of that. And for what? For a short glimpse into her life?

The price was much too high.

Never ever do something like that. It’s really NOT worth it. There is absolutely nothing you can gain. Nothing, believe me.

Now, IF you have decided to follow the no-contact rule, here are two things I really recommend you to do. It’s for your own sake.

1. Block Your Ex In Facebook

Facebook gives you very good help with the topic of blocking unwanted people.

Basically, everything you need to do is:

go to your Ex’s profile page
navigate to the bottom of the page
click on “Report/Block this person” link
check “Block this person” and then hit “Submit.”

That’s it. Your Ex will not be able to look into your pages and most importantly, YOU will not be able to follow your Ex’s updates.

Your Ex will not be notified that you blocked her/him, but if s/he found out and contacted you regarding this, don’t feel guilty. You are doing this because you’ve decided that you want to take your life and happiness into your own hands. You are doing this because YOU are the most important person in your life right now.

One important thing to know is that your Ex can still appear in mutual friends updates, so I recommend that you block them as well. You can still “unblock” them later when you feel better.

2. Restrict Access To Facebook

There is a computer-geek-way to block certain pages completely from access on your own computer. It’s not difficult to do and I really recommend it for no-contact.

By doing this, you will not be able to visit Facebook or the pages where you can find current information on your Ex.

It’s a little radical, but it’s better to not trust yourself.

Here’s how you do it:

Find the hosts-file on your computer

The hosts-file is located at (depending on your operating system):

Windows XP, Vista and Windows 7
C:\WINDOWS\system32\drivers\etc\hosts
Windows 2000
C:\WINNT\system32\drivers\etc\hosts
Windows 98/ME
C:\WINDOWS\hosts

Append the following code and the bottom of the hosts-file:

# Block Facebook 127.0.0.1 www.facebook.com 127.0.0.1 facebook.com 127.0.0.1 static.ak.fbcdn.net 127.0.0.1 www.static.ak.fbcdn.net 127.0.0.1 login.facebook.com 127.0.0.1 www.login.facebook.com 127.0.0.1 fbcdn.net 127.0.0.1 www.fbcdn.net 127.0.0.1 fbcdn.com 127.0.0.1 www.fbcdn.com 127.0.0.1 static.ak.connect.facebook.com 127.0.0.1 www.static.ak.connect.facebook.com

You can follow the excellent step-by-step instruction explained here.

For the Mac it’s the exact thing, except that the location of the hosts-file is a little more complicated.

Here’s a good instruction for Macs.

You can add all the URLs you want, like Facebook, their Twitter page, etc.

If you are not a computer-geek, ask a friend to do it for you. This is in any case the preferable way, because then it is harder for you to reverse the process.

I urge you to make these changes as soon as possible, because I know it’s a sore temptation to check on your Ex. You will gain nothing by doing so, it will NOT ease your pain or help you to stop missing them. This is an illusion. It will only bring you suffering.

I promise you that you will win so much if you stick to the no-contact rule. You will gain independence, strength and the certainty that YOU can make your own happiness.

Isn’t that worth enough to kiss Facebook goodbye for a few months?

Do you know a better method for keeping yourself from computer-stalking your Ex? Have I missed something? Please share in the comment-section below.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

Make your Ex suffer! Click here to watch my FREE presentation:
"How To Make Your Ex Regret They Broke Up With You"

5 Must-See Related Posts:

About The Author:

Eddie Corbano is a breakup-coach, relationship-advisor and founder of LovesAGame. He suffered from a devastating break up in 1998. Since then, he dedicated his life to helping others getting the best of this existential experience. The overcoming of a break up is an important step to autonomy and independency. Eddie Corbano developed some new coaching programs, which focus on evolving inner strength and the power to set and reach any personal goal. (Article written on September 3rd, 2010)
Show all posts by Eddie Corbano

Category: Break Up and Divorce
Tags: facebook, happiness, no contact rule, recovery, snooping, suffering

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KK

Haha, I’m guilty of this!

I got a little lucky. He was never an avid facebook guy, and when we broke up, he also lost his password to the account, and he’s been unable to remember it or change the e-mail when we were together. He wont contact me on Facebook, I know that much. I would still pop by his page for a split second, or see his name on a friend’s friend list, and I’d get all sorts of crazy flashbacks. No. Bueno.

My recommendation is to go to a friend’s facebook page and start commenting. Not in a excessive 2456 comments between wall and photos, but just say hi to them, ask what they’re up to. Or go to someone who’s a “liking” addict, and flip through their pages and start liking things.

If the impulse is too strong, just click the pretty red ‘X’ in the right corner, and go do something else. Like… maybe.. calling up a friend, going out on a walk, veggin’ out to some TV.

As well, APPROACH YOUR EX WITH INDIFFERENCE. Stop caring. Stop being curious. If you see his/her name just see it as another name. They probably learned to do this themselves when they got over you, you have to do the same. This is an awesome technique for small triggers, like seeing their name on someone else’s friend list, or maybe coming across a stupid comment they made on your wall ages ago.

That’s all I got!
http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

A lot of you asked for this so I hope it will help.

Eddie

silly

eddie ur doing an amazing job by helping us god will always help u achieve success. watever u said is 100 % true i did the same mistake i blocked him n after few week i unblock him and wat he did he contacted me again. i felt like a looser.

Toby

That’s brilliant. I agree it can really set you back. Not only that, you start tracing wall-to-wall comments, status updates, photo history… Trying to figure out where, when, why and how things happened. But that doesn’t matter, you can’t change the past.

When I first broke up with my ex I thought it wouldn’t do any harm a few months later to see how she was.. Just one profile picture made me feel hurt and angry in seconds. Best to leave it in the past or far, far into the future when you have moved on completely.

Great article.
Mike

Great advice Eddie, this is something that I did instinctively about 4 months ago because I knew how sick seeing her with someone else would make me. But rather then blocking her and all of our mutual friends I just delete my FB account entirely. I figured when I'm ready I can always create a new account again someday, I made it 27 years without FB so I can go a couple more months.
Brenda

Such a relevant, timely article with excellent advice. Thanks Eddie!

I deleted my Facebook account today felt nothing but….freedom! Deleting may be considered a drastic measure to some, but in my case I was never a fan of Facebook to begin with…so when I found myself torturing myself looking at the profile of my ex, that really was the nail in the coffin and I decided enough is enough!
There IS life beyond Facebook, and there are plenty of other ways to keep in touch with people (the people in your life who care about you – NOT your ex!). I don't need Facebook, and feel better off without it..it's not for everyone!
I have a long road of recovery, but I'm ready to face it and I even welcome the challenges ahead – hoping that I will grow personally from them.

To all those struggling with getting past a breakup: you can do it, hang in there and don't give up!
Candice

This is soo true – I did the exact same thing. I had deleted my ex after breaking up, but because he didnt have proper security settings I could access his account as well as the new girl in his life.

It almost killed me the day I saw a pic of them holding each other. That day I decided to block him and her completely. What I love about blocking on Facebook, is that it's like they dont exist at all – if I go into friends profiles that I know they are mutual friends of, they don't even appear on the contact list. So there's no way of “bumping” into them on Facebook.

I actually feel so much stronger for doing this, because I felt like a total loser when I was stalking there pages.

veloria

what a trooper, very proud of you.
-veloria

mayzel

True. This is ultimate a brand new beginning. I did this too. Initially, I deleted him. Then I added him back because I thought we will still be best friends because I thought that I can forgive him and blessed him with his new found love. But soon I found out that, it was impossible because I was still hoping for him. I kept looking at his updates n I was even worst. My heart broke into pieces. All the sweet talks n lovely poems he wrote was not meant for me at all. He was meant to show off his new found love to the world. My mom advised me to delete him completely. He was not the one for me. He was a selfish guy that was playing with 2 hearts. I did that. And now I felt better though I was trying my best to get rid off him as soon as possible. I felt there is no use to hate him or get angry because of his selfish act. I should be able to take good care of myself, especially my heart. Thus, no more stalking, be true to myself.

Candice

I did the same thing – deleted him and then added him back cos I thought we could be friends. But then you see all the status updates and how much fun he seems to be having, without you and it sucks! I added him again a few times after because everytime you think that you can handle it and cope with it, until I finally deleted and blocked him for good. Good Luck Mayzel.

annj

Hey there. My ex ask for break up 4months ago, and it's really hard for me to cope since it's my 1st breakup. The 1st 3months was hell. He brokeup with me during holiday so both of us in a different states. I was doing all the wrong things like sms him every min, calling him, basically just push him away and make him hate me. And we agree to be in friend terms after the breakup. yet, it was so hard for me. I was emotionally unstable and I lost weight. He got himself a new girl right after he dumped me. And yeah, i was stalking him through FB and also the girl. And not only tht I have the pasword for his email. So, to tell you the truth it only hurt me more bcause the girl been changing emel of pictures with my ex. Going back to my campus I didnt spoke a word to him, we are in the same class btw, and the new girl also goes there. On the surface i might seem like fine but no one knows. For now, I am getting better thanks to this site. I read a lot of inspiring and uplifting articles. And being lost few kgs and a lil bit of self-improvemnt, everyone says I look good after the holiday and they didnt even know tht I was going through such a tough time. Im not going to lie, but I am still very fond of my ex. I love him deeply. But I know he is just an immature guy and I do learnt a lot from this breakup. I grow stronger. For the FB matter, I just decided to deactivate my FB a week ago. the reasons for this is mayb I want to prevent myself from looking at my ex page(they already declare it in fb after 2months of my breakup btw) and I think FB is not for me right now. It brings so much pain then goodness. But I will activate my fb someday when I feel like it. I chat will people and blogging as well as reading to spend my time. To those who are going through tough time, I recommend reading something that inspire you. Cry if u want to cause crying actually release toxins, and most of all try to excercise. Exercise release endorphins tht makes u happy. And Im hoping there will be any advice on how to deal with ex that you have to actually meet everyday. But I think I am handling it pretty well now,thnks to my friends and the sites like this one. Good luck for everyone.God bless:)

Veloria

Hello annj
i just want you to know that I am proud of you for handling the situation better now. You see , i was an fb stalker to my ex girlfriend. And i waited and waited to see what her next default would be,so the only way to put an end to this and beggin a new self beggining was too delete my facebook. Thankfully, ive thought of this idea just a month after we seperated, and this technique has helped so much. As for making a new one, its best to make it when you feel ready, when you are ready to start a healthy life. Because fb stalking is bad, it hurts and hurts and hurts and you trully have to dig deep and decide that the best way for people to stop fb stalking is too delete their facebook. and working out does help out. i get so angry and yet so said of what has happend. I use it as fuel to help me lift heavy and harder. But at the sametime i sumtimes cannot finish my workouts only because the saddness can build up so much when i reflect on it.
anyways i hope your better, be smart and be safe.
-matt

crabbypatty

I unblocked him and re-added him! I'm so ashamed! I should never have caved in. I just removed the friend's request and as soon as 48 hours is up i'm going to re-block him! I can't believe i'm right back at square one again! I feel so pathetic!
A Healed Stranger

Eddie,
I found your website after a tough break-up while I was “stumbling” around the internet, I just want to let you know that your articles and many of the quote that you have posted have helped me out tremendously, it has been 8 months now, and I am so happy with myself, not being with him and I have to give you a lot of that credit. Every time I hear of someone going through a break-up I tell them to visit your site. I cannot even begin to attempt to tell you how grateful I am for your support during such a painful time in my life. From the bottom of my heart I truly thank you, and appreciate all of the courage and confidence that you have given me.
Thank you Eddie

http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

Hey stranger , thank you very much for your kind words. I am very happy that this site has helped you.

Tess

The advice about face book is amazing and so true.Blocking your ex really is the best things that you can do.My ex removed me as a friend when we stopped going out after 4 years togther.That really hurt at first like you wouldnt believe.This didnt stop me looking at his profile picture a million times a day!!Just to see if it had changed!!! I felt like I was going mad for doing this!!!!!!I even looked at his new girlfiends pic just to see if that had changed.One day about 8 mths after we had broken up I looked at facebook and there he was with his new girlfiend looking so happy and loved up.She had a similar picture.I cannot tell u how much this hurt and sent me back into all those awful feelings of despair and anxiety and I really felt like giving up and that is was in the first few mths of breaking up again. However I couldnt help but keep on looking.My friends and sisters told me so many times just block them Now I have and feel good as I no they cant no what i am up to and i cant know about them!!!It really is the best way belive me!!!!Its like I was self harming myself every time I looked at his profile pic of him moving on and enjoying his life.Please follow Eddies advice it really is for the best to help try and move on.

Take care of yourselves

Lots of Love Tess

xxxxxxxxx
Bryan

I am going through a pretty tough time. It has been 3 months since me and my ex split up. We were together for 5 1/2 years and have a 3 year old son together. After a week of us splitting up she started sleeping around and has not stopped since. Throughout the past 3 years she has always said that she never got to live her young days of being single and having fun. So that is part of the reason we split up because she wanted to be single and party. She is 22 by the way. I just can't comprehend why someone would break up their family just to be single and sleep around. Throughout the relationship she has almost cheated on me at least 3 different times. I just always caught her before she ended up doing anything, at least that is what she told me. It's hard to ignore her calls and texts when we share a child together. This is by far been the hardest past 3 months of my life.

Bellababe0018

Oh my God Bryan, thats the worse story I've ever heard. You have to move on for your own good, or it will be a never ending story. you are a man, and there's so many more girls out there than there's men so you need to block her off your life and start dating other people. u HAVE to, or it just keeps getting worse. I know its hard. I just broke up my 7 yrs relationship, but enough is enough!
JustMe

Bryan,

It is really hard and I'd love to find something to tell you to make you feel better. Your son is the one who needs you the most now. Give yourself to him, think about him and his wellbeing and you will feel less pain yourself. From the bootom of my heart I whish you meet a right woman for you. Hugs.
Mattgrijalva

Hi Bryan, I'm sorry to hear how foolish your ex is. For her too leave her family for the enjoyment of freedom and partying is selfish and immature. I know this is hard because your attachment is so strong and its just so hard to deal with. But you have to keep yourself busy, never stay alone and always try to do something whether it be hanging out with friends, or working out, or anything u like.
Please be strong my friend…
-Matt G.
mayzel

give all your love and attention to your lovely son. we all know that you're a great father. don't let the past change you. all the best and god bless! =)
Bryan

Thanks to everyone for the encouraging comments. Each week seems to get better but there are those days where I can only think about her, who she's with, and what she's doing. I know that in the long run it is for the best but the process of getting there sucks.

jesHurts

This no coontact rule is so tough…sometimes I just want to give in but then I think of your advice Eddie and it gives me hope that I will feel better again soon. I just wish soon would come already
And I wish I could stop missin him so much…ugh

joan

It is hard, as I know after ten years of on and off, my x has contacted me over the last 25 years, and we got back together and then one day no contact at all, he removed from his friend list but has not blocked me.he comments on friends posts and photos I am in …. its hard

Melanie Afshar

Great post – with all the technology out there these days it almost feels impossible to get over an ex – especially with mutual friends. So the only way to do it is to TAKE CONTROL!
I was able to get over my ex without blocking him – but it took all the strength in my being to not check his page every day….especially after I saw him dating a girl and had a panic attack over it. It's been a year since the break up and I find that days go by and I don't even think about going on his facebook or think about him at all – I just “hid” his feeds…it helped me. I know in some cases you just need to block them, it's the only way.

So awesome post….

I'm new to the blog world, and I love your blog! If you have the time check out mine I'm trying to make some new friends

Here is the link: LOVE both Etsy and Regretsy. And your “single girl rantings”

Based on your blog, I thought you might be interested in checking mine out, I'm new to the blog world and looking forward to making new friends!!

EDIT: Please put the address of your blog in the “Website”-field of the form. Thanks, Eddie
http://relationshipsbreakups.com Charaze

When I broke up with my ex-boyfriend, I just deleted him from my Friendster list (back when Facebook wasn't popular yet, yes). It helps.
jules

Yes! this is exactly what I did yesterday when my ex finalised the break-up . I am glad somebody mentioned blocking them on facebook. And yes, he texted asking me when I removed him from facebook. No reply. That was my best answer.
Naomi

First of all, I just want to preface this by saying, through my break up, this website is what saved me. My boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me about two weeks ago. My life was shattered. My heart broke into pieces and I was literally devastated. I felt hopeless. I felt like my whole life had crumbled and turned into nothing. How could he do this? How could he leave me? How could he hurt me this way? Soon after, he removed me from everything, and changed his phone number.

I threatened to kill myself. And I almost did. I was so low. I already suffered from depression, and this situation just made things so much worse. I ended up calling my employee hotline and was picked up by the police and brought to the emergency room. I was then evaluated and PEC'd by the doctor; which meant, I was admitted to a psych ward. I was in the hospital for about a week. The first few days were unbearable. I made friends and started focusing on myself. Of course, my first impulse was to just find another guy. Focus on them. Let them fill the hole inside of me. But I knew that I needed to fix myself. The only reason I felt like this was because of my low self confidence and lack of love for myself. I began taking anti-depressants, and then was sent home.

I got home and lost it again. I cried straight for two days. Sobbing. Again feeling like I just wanted to end my life. Taking Xanax. Drinking wine. Sleeping. Not eating. I was miserable.

How could he have done this to me? This boy who has loved me for so long. This boy who's been my whole life, who I have done everything in the world for. This boy that came along out of nowhere and is the most intelligent, perfect-for-me, boy. I felt like I lost my soul mate. I felt like I lost half of me. I felt like I would, never again, find anyone else that I could love like I loved him.

I was in absolute agony. I found this website and saw comments from people who had been in pain for 8months to a year after a break up. It was terrifying to think that I could be hurting like this for a year?! No. I made up my mind RIGHT THEN, I would not let myself hurt anymore. I would go to the gym. I would go to group therapy. I would learn to be alone with myself and love myself.

The next morning, as I was in the shower, I spoke to the Universe: “I am happy. I deserve good things. This day will bring only good. I love myself. Do you hear me, Universe?”

And I prayed. I prayed whole-heartedly to my Jesus and begged him to heal me. He and the world responded: Each day became easier and easier. I focused only on myself, fixing myself, bettering myself. Loving myself.

Finally, I felt free.

After speaking to my ex a few times, we began to talk more about us. And about why he did what he did. There is even talk about us working on our relationship, fixing it, mending it and getting back together. In fact, he told me that he loved me.

Regardless, even if your ex doesn't come back, you don't need their validation. What you're feeling is separation anxiety. You don't love YOURSELF. Work on you. Pray. Heal. Mend. And everything else will fall into place.

Thank you for all your comments. Thank you, Eddie, for this website. I wish everyone all the best. God bless. – Naomi

heartbroken

I just got tears on my eyes while reading this it reflects my situation . Thanks for sharing , now I know I have hope.

lou

Great article I can relate, and it's comforting to know I'm not the only one who got tempted by this.

What I learned is:
Before you click on his/her page just stop, think and ask yourself:
“What for?”
and no matter what reason you give yourself, ask again:
“Will this help me move on?”
The answer is usually No.

It took me a few times at first, and I got the full dose of consequences. I got determined not to do that to myself again; and I remind myself of how I felt so bad everytime I catch myself thinking of looking him up. I am more aware of my actions and the reasons behind them.

I put me first.
canali

you can also block them from contacting you, too….your microsoft outlook has 'junk mail' filters, into which you can put one's email address…the same with hotmail under 'options'…same thing on being able to block someone.

remember the saying: 'friends can become lovers, but the opposite is seldom true.'….I hope NEVER run into or hear from or about my ex ever again…or any of her friends or relatives…NEVER…that would be such a blessing if it could occur….just causes me too much pain.
canali

as per my last post, the reason I also suggest blocking them is their contact to you can stir things up…i've been NC for 1 yr now…my ex met some guy and 2 mo started dating him (we were together 2 yrs, broke up sept 08) , then they got engaged 8 mo later and in april of this yr they got married….so i'm NC and trying to grieve and heal in my life**…she sends me an email 2 mo ago in june asking ''how i'm doing, hoping my life is filled with joy & happiness and to drop her a line.''…yeah, I don't think so…that email just stirred up a hornet's nest of anger, sadness, longing, regret, etc….didn't do me any good at all.
** and as per myself, I'm DONE with love…I don't believe in it anymore….let's face it: the majority of all intimate relationships, whether via death, sickness, separation or divorce will eventually end…I have no wish to try again…i'll get out there and make new friends and open my heart that way to receive and give love….intimate gigs are overvalued that for the most part don't work out (sure in the end they're always 'great' as mother nature is jostling with your hormones/brain chemicals etc) but all in all, I'm 'closed for business'….now watch me look foolish as the universe then upends me on my ass when I run into someone who stirs up something romantic in me, LOL.

anyone have similar feelings/thoughts?

Infinity

I felt that before but I can tell you that you seems like having a lot of agony and resentment of you still, one year. Do not give up because of a lost relationship. Love is inside of us and once we meet up with the right one again, it blossoms. Stop hating and resent, let go the pass and move on.

canali

i totally get you …i was in a 'woe is me' mode when I wrote it, that's all….i've been single 2 yrs now and in all honesty i have no desire to date…maybe when i'm more healed and in a better space (working on all that) I'll be more open, but have no desire at all right now)….anyway as per your 'stop hating and resenting' comment, well alot of it is self inflicted too: tis forgiving not only the ex** , but our own limitations at that time, too…maybe that's the equally hard part: letting myself off the hook, too and finding more self forgiveness.
**she did say some very hurtful things in the end via an email, ie, that she never loved me but tried fooling herself cause i was such a good/nice guy…I don't believe it totally: more like her rationalizing to push me away

Gfsmisgbjrdm

just wanted to say that i know exactly how you feel and i’m so glad i found your post. i just found out my ex is engaged through facebook, this is about five months after we broke up. we dated for a year and a half, he’s been dating the new girl for four months.
i still miss him, and i hate myself for that.
in times like this i want to turn to my friends and family for support but it seems like no one understands.
i’m honestly not sure how to feel anymore either. on one hand it inspires me to not waste time and to follow my feelings the way he apparently did. on the other hand… i believed he loved me and would always love me. obviously i was very wrong. now i have no idea how i can trust anyone who claims to love me in the future.

Infinity

i read from a book and would like to share with you. Human is basically full with love but because of some incident that having so much agony,resentment and sorrow inside, it becomes a mental block to accept the past and live in present. I do agree with what the author said, although I felt the same feeling as you before. Remember that the past few relationships that I had, I was always seeking for love and to be whole again from my partner even the former relationship was failed. That is only when we are fully healed and ready to start over again and we will feel want to be loved and love again, it is a nature that woman and man are finding each other to want to feel whole again. I suffer a lot from the past relationship by thinking I might not be able to open my heart again and subconsciously i am becoming a victim for myself – also thinking that will make him feel bad. But the reality is i was stupid to be in this negative path. Until the last time I saw my ex, he has moved on, happy and found his new girlfriend again. Believing that one day you will find love again and willing to open you heart to someone who deserves you. What you need to do now is feel the pain and watch your emotion, dont let it get into you – remind yourself that it is painful but it is a past. You are in the present and you are feeling the pain, believing that one day you will be whole again. That is nothing you can change the past or him – But you have control on yourself, that is choice in you to be healed and happy again. Do not resist the pain and lost feeling, feel that but do not comment on the feeling, just feel that and it will be going after some time. Good luck.

Infinity

Hi Canali, i am glad because I went to read the book, The Power of Now suggested by Eddie. It helps me a lot. I am going to share with you a few important keys –
1. stay in present and conscious – I do aware whenever I did not think about past or him, just Now and here – I am okay. Whenever I recalled the past and loss, my heart sank, I felt the pain is coming back. What I did was acknowledging the pain and be a watcher of my feeling – Yes I am painful but that is the past.
2. Do not stay in past or future – do not wonder what if – next – those are out of our control. I have been always fantasizing a lot of what if-that is chance, then I will kill them by watching my attempt and realize I am not living at Now, focus on now and here I am.
3. Surrender – did not mean give up or i dont care but understand that it is painful and I am trying to be alert in the present by trusting I am okay now, the more we resist to the pain and avoiding to feel the pain, we may be caught in surprise that how agony it would became. The more we resist, the deeper we are sinking and living in the past.
4. Forgiveness – that is nothing but as long as we treasure our life in the present without stuck in the past, forgiveness is already here.
5. We should not depend on our partner to feel peace but we should have peace inside us by wanting to live in present and be conscious about our feeling. Once we achieve that, it does not matter if we are seeing someone else or alone.
I would sincerely hope that you can read this book as it gives me a lot of insight. By reading this book, it will not solve my issue but I learn more control on 'myself”, when the thought and mind creep in – i am able to kill them fast. Thanks to Eddie again for recommending this book. Good luck

http://www.unleashyoursecretpower.com/ Andioz7

Hey Eddie! I was more than happy to read your article, I was experiencing the same before and exactly like you said I wasn’t ready for the price I was willing to pay for it, it just got me back to the “I will never get over her” feeling again that I was carrying for a while. “Out of sight out of mind” is a cliché that works perfectly in those situations and I am implementing it ever since that time, it is definitely makes those hard moments pass faster!!! The next step I did after realizing I have to keep the non contact rule is to find ways to distract myself from that person, after all when you have a major breakup it is like getting yourself into a rehab process, here some of the things that helped me to
Theomzone

Great Article! As a relationship coach, I ask my clients the very same question often,
“But would it make you feel better?

Not for a minute, I guarantee you that.”

Thank you so much for this candid article about an issue that is very prevalent issue.

Please put your website in the “website”-field. Thanks, Eddie
bowski477

Awesome article! After my break-up I was caught off guard with this. I didn't know how much just looking at his page seeing that he (like me) had changed the relationship status to “single”. I thought I would find hints there that he missed me. But it hurt all too much. So 5 months ago when I started no contact, I blocked him. On Facebook, Twitter, and xbox live. I decided that nothing there was going to help me and it was only going to hurt/prevent me from healing.

Revmdn

Are you playing Reach? I know I've been killing Grunts when I miss my exgf.

bowski477

Defiantly. Video games have been really helpful in working through my break up

Revmdn

Well, if youd like my gamertag is RevMDN 73, If you'd like to play some Reach.

Luke

I'm so jealous! I sold my Xbox and PS3 for funds to make it work out with my ex lol!

Reach is looking damn good I must say.

zhel

This is an awesome one…I should better try it now for me to moved on..waaa.I don't know if we're still in a relationship or not…we don't communicate ever since we both worked abroad..so i decided to send him messages and broke up with him, telling him that i will let him go..but geezzz!!! no reply at all from him…i hate it! should I continue my plan not to contact him or should i wait any explanation from him??? please help..I'm confused!
Infinity

I went to see a friend of mine and she told me I looked terribly down with less good energy around (she has the capability on sensing energy field). She is right…I felt terrible today than yesterday and I am not sure why. I am quiet and less active…guess the feeling of numb and down eat me up. She said something that I really found it meaningful – “You and him were probably having karmic debt in the past life and met up in this life to pay each other back (Buddhism) ” . I need to review myself while our ex has moved on and carried on their life gracefully, what did not we should carry that same positive attitude to move on and live up every moment like no tomorrow?

Luke

We can believe what we want Infinity, whatever makes you feel more at peace inside.

anonymos

Great. I removed my ex just yesterday, untagged all ohotos with the exception of one when we forst met. I even removed 'her' friends. No need to see an update from them.

I hadn't looked at her page for the past 4 months anyways and planned to never look again so it was an easy task.
Gizmo

Ahh this just has been such great help. I cant thank you enough. It used to twist and turn my insides when I would see her posts on our common friends pages. Thank you!
koda

Your advise is inspiring and I know better. My ex called me after 2 yrs of no contact. He left me after I got breast cancer. We were together 12 yrs. I felt a relief at first when he called. But after we met he went on and on how good and happy his life is. I still haven't dated and still going through breast reconstruction. For the past few days I have been so heartsick, I can't stop crying and have backslided into fear and dispair. I haven't talked to my family yet as they will be so disappointed in me. My ex is not on FB but his grown kids are and I guess I have stalked their sites for info. Your site has helped feel better already. Thank you.

lily

that's awful!
Janbonzo

Hi Koda – you were dealt a double blow getting cancer and him leaving. Puzzling why he would make contact after 2 years to relay how good his life is – sounds a very insensitive bloke. I think it's a good idea to be alone after a relationship of 12 years, otherwise you stand a good chance of having a rebound relationship where both people can be hurt again. I can fully relate to your fear and despair…. it will get better. Look after you. You're the one that matters.

free2be

my ex bf left me about a week and a half ago… he cheated with someone he knew for a week when we had been dating for a month. I know thats nothing compared to most people. But it was a love that that you felt only once in a life time…and now its nothing i guess. he keeps saying to wait its course that we may date again..but i really dont know what will happen. A part of me is scared nothing will…but anyway…ive been trying to do this no contact thing and i keep failing.. after we speak i dnt feel devastated or upset..just highly annoyed. I came to this site two weeks ago and i was reduced to tears from reading your stories. i just wanted to say..be strong..love will come..i hope you are all faring well and your hearts are healing with time
gk

just curious, following the no-contact rule, when's a good time to return my ex her belongings which are still at my place?

Revmdn

If you can, put everything in a box or boxes. Put them in a safe place, and wait for her to ask for them. Then put them outside when she is coming to get them. I say just don't be there when she does. If you have to communicate with her about this stuff, keep it to just about her stuff and the stuff only.

gk

hmm i was thinking of bringing them over, since well, im the guy and there's quite abit of stuff. plus i'd like to collect my own belongings too. so i was thinking like what's a good post probation period or like a phase in which i can 'safely' do so?

Revmdn

Well, that's the million dollar question. A year, two? I would go out of your way to avoid her. But do what you need to. Just my recomandation.

Elleen

this is so true. it just happened to me. i was talking to my ex yesterday. trying to clear things out. letting her explain. then in the end, we decided not to continue with the relationship anymore. we were cool when we were talking so i thought we were really ok. just know when i woke up, i opened facebook using my mom's account so i can see her profile since she is blocked in my own account. i was caught of guard when i read her post that she was looking for some love last night. i really do not know what she meant by that. i am not really devastated but of course i got disappointed.
Mbm3m

What happens if I see my ex or some of her friends out at the same bar I am at? Should I just leave? What if i'm with friends?
Gizmo

This post was a life saver. I had been trying to keep my ex out of my mind and get over the feelings of depression and as soon as i would make some progress i would see her commenting something on fb on our common friends page and it would bring me back to the same spot. I blocked her and now i dont get to see her on fb.things have been moving on much better now. thank you Eddie.
Mandaholaway

The temptation to look at my ex's facebook can sometimes be overwhelming. When we first broke up 4 months ago, I deleted and blocked him and every one of his friends so that I could not see their facebook pages and vice versa. I didnt want to know what was going on in their lives and i didnt want them to know what was going on in my life. As some time passed, I slowly but surely unblocked them (including me ex) one by one because I figured I could handle it. My ex doesnt use his facebook very much. He doesnt post comments/statuses nor do people really post comments on his page. But sometimes there were new pics of him tagged and posts from people. He and I started talking here and there and had talked of getting back together. I added him back to facebook. Well, we never got back together and about 2 weeks ago it was officially agreed that it's not going to work because he kept going back and forth on wanting to date again. (we had dated for 2 and a half years). I had also added some of his friends (the ones i got along with) back to facebook. After mine and my ex's last fallout, I decided I want him out of my life for good. However, I didn't want to delete him and all his friends AGAIN off facebook because I feel dumb doing that again. I decided to just get rid of my facebook for a little while. I can reactivate it when necessary and if i decide it is still too difficult having my ex and his friends on my friends list, then i'll delete them. This way, I wont see any posts on mutual friend's walls about what my ex and his friends are doing and they will have no clue what I am up to because I no longer have my facebook activated. It's hard to stay strong sometimes, but I just have to remember: Do I want to move forward and feel better or do I want to keep going back and start from square one? I'd rather move forward.
Stevowenzl

MY EX IS SEEING ONE OF MY FRIENDS AROUND THE BLOCK FROM ME,I HAVE TO DRIVE BY AND SEE HER CAR IN FRONT OF HIS HOUSE,THE PAIN IS KILLING ME.HELP

Revmdn

That is not very cool of your ex or your “friend”. Nothing you can do, except drive a different way home to avoid seeing what you don't need to see.

http://www.facebook.com/nina.appleby Nina Appleby

These are great tips. When I first broke up with my ex, it was like second nature to check his page on MySpace. Then, I saw something I wasn't prepared to see… a picture of him with his new girlfriend. I was totally devastated. I literally couldn't breathe. It totally knocked the wind out of me. I never wanted to feel like that again. That was the biggest motivating factor for me to completely leave MySpace. Sometimes you have to take the most drastic steps to keep from hurting and potentially destroying yourself.

Jon

Heck ya! I left facebook. It was for our own good though…

Independent Woman

I have recently just gotten out of a 2 and a half year relationship with my very first love. NOTHING could have prepared me for the anxiety, the pain, the hurt, the devastation, the hurt, and the endless tears. He truly BROKE my heart.

I have the password to my ex's email and facebook accounts. Boy, I wasn't ready for what I was going to find out! I WOULDN'T recommend this to anyone, because it's very painful, but I received the closure that I needed! I found messages between him and his cousin speaking nasty about me, and as well, as my ex admitting that he's “seeing” a girl from school. I am tired of crying for this a-hole! I am tired of thinking that there is HOPE. I am GLAD to realize what a d-bag he REALLY is! I am OVER feeling bad for myself. I've realized that the MAN and LOVE of my life wouldn't hurt me this way. I know I'm a good girl AND a good person, someone ELSE out there is worth me and MY time. I'm realizing to become proactive and not giving a crap for this slug!

I've deleted all emails from him, his email, phone numbers and facebook from my account. I have blocked all his friends on facebook as well. Finally, I have deleted all photos I had saved onto my phone. Now, I feel like I can move on!

Like I mentioned, I wouldn't recommend what I did to anyone. But, to me, it FINALLY gave me the closure to just MOVE ON! I don't want to look back anymore. I don't want to think about him anymore! I am focused on me and getting my independence back and MY LIFE on BACK on track!!

Eddie, this website has been truly amazing! Last month, when all I could do is think about my ex, your website SAVED me. At times, I still find myself re-reading some of your articles. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!! I truly believe that we need to focus on our well being and our mentality rather than what our hearts feel.

Good luck to all us that are heartbroken out there. It's not an easy process but find yourself! Focus on what you DESERVE and what you truly want from life.
Jen

I read in Self mag that getting dumped affects many of the same region as using cocaine. Thats why we use implusive behavior towards them, FB stalking, driving by their house, wanting to text 20 times a day. I was unhappy in our relationship and was ready to end it but when it actually happened I was crushed. I didn’t realize how much I loved him, even though he wasn’t the right man for me. He moved on quickly and I am still dealing with these hurt feelings. I just can’t figure out why! I wanted this. But I’m still a mess.

Jon

Jen,
you need to write down the reasons he wasn’t meant for you. Focus only on the negative things. I just broke up with my girlfriend a couple weeks ago. I wrote down the good and bad and the bad outweighed the good 20-1! Why was I even with this person? Friends will be there to help you through anything. Keep talking to them and just try to keep busy. You’re going to be just fine I promise!!

Luke

I’m facebook ‘stalking’ her as I type this, trying to find evidence if she’s with someone else already.

Ugh, what is wrong with me?? I’m completely aware no good will come of it yet I still give in to the temptation.
http://www.facebook.com/amanda.stansbury Amanda Grace Elliott

I am going through the exact same thing you are. If you ever need someone to talk to that can relate, I’m here. If I had someone I could talk to, it would help me too.

StarOfHope

i hate this… it’s SO hard not to stalk your ex. How can i do this to myself? I blocked him, but he set his profile to public, which is awful…

the funny thing about stalking is that you “stalk” in moments where you are already panicked. you feel totally bad and what are you doing? you look it up.

John

I did not have the heart to block my ex on Facebook, I do hope to be her friend again… someday. However I want to wait until we are both ‘genuinely’ over each other. I did however decide to take a break from Facebook completely for 90 days. I know this may sound extreme but I created another Gmail account, gave it an insanely hard password that I would never remember, then changed it to be my Facebook email and changed my Facebook password to something insanely hard (Numbers, Symbols, and Letters that make no sense) Wrote them both down on a piece of paper and locked them up in a safe in my house.
I have decided that if after 90 days, I still cannot resist the temptation then I will defriend her permanently.

Getting off of Facebook, Deleting emails, phone numbers and texts, and of course NOT TALKING to her. Have really helped me, I am already starting to feel alot better about everything.

StarOfHope

Thank you John, that really helped me!

I dont have my ex in my friendslist, he wasnt on facebook before we broke up. he IS on facebook since we broke up and set everything to public. I blocked him and did the same thing – changed my password to something i would never remember – wrote it on a lil paper and locked it up! and deactivating my profile didnt do the trick, i cant trust myself with not stalking… its simply too easy -.-

great idea!!

John

You have to just muster up the courage and block them. DO IT!
Luke

Thank you Amanda.
I do not pray but you will be in my thoughts
John

i’ve deleted her from Facebook about a few weeks ago. in the summer she told me no to my idea of a long distance relationship. it got tense, both of us on a high emotional state and defending ourselves, but we didn’t hate one another at the end, although I was now sure that I didn’t also want any relation and needed distance.´
i avoid contact but she continues to interacting through Facebook, tagging my photos, giving likes to my posts and so on. i remove her from my notifications and avoid any initiative on my part but she also texting me about what she is doing and how I am. not surprisingly i continue to look at her profile on FB but i decide that this state of affairs can’t continue anymore so i send her a real letter where i am completely honest about everything. she doesn’t give any reply (which i was expecting) but she stops contact, which was what I wanted. ´
then 2 months after the letter i post something on FB and she ‘likes’ it. i decide i had enough and simply delete her from my list of friends, without saying anything and delete all messages/pictures.
one the best decisions i’ve ever made.
Jennifer Jane

Hi Amanda,

My ex replaced me within 2 days to a woman in the tiny village where I live. He owes me money and wont return my things … its so very very painful. I want the courage to block him on facebook – whats wrong with me… ??

kate

temporarilly deactivate ur facebook, i just did this. I have a sense of control now, which feels great. my ex broke up with me yesterday and i found myself checking his profile every 10 mins. Cut off all contact for a while, all of it! cease to exist for at least 3 weeks. He’ll start wondering about you, then u can turn the tables. Remember NO CONTACT!

93 broker

hey, curious question, my ex broke my heart as we were engaged, i did what i could to get her back and basically came off as a complete joke, since than i decided to put the no contact rule into play , been going to the gym, takeing better care of myself and it has been a month and a half since we broke up, i deleted her from my friends list and never spoke to her again, i noticed that she actually blocked me, when it should be the other way around, i have been getting alot of positive comments about my new look from girls and all, and i feel great about it. Question is why block me when I already deleted you? and have not spoken nor contacted you since? …. my guess was she was looking to fish out a reaction from my end… what do you guys-girls think?

Luke

I had my ex blocked for a long while after we broke up. A couple of weeks ago I unblocked her and had a nose at whatever I could on her profile, for whatever reason I don’t really know. All I saw was a pic of her anyway.
About a week after, I search her up again to find that she had gone missing…she had blocked me.
To be honest, I was actually quite flattered by this. For whatever reason she decided to search me up, saw my pic, and blocked me.
I was flattered by the sheer fact her emotions for me whether good or bad were strong enough that she felt she had to block me.
She may have done it because she now hates me and doesn’t trust me, or she misses me and did it to not have the temptation to stalk my profile, or seeing my pic hurts her too much she had to block me.

I choose to believe the latter, and that makes me happy
Either way I found out I don’t really care and she can go **** herself now and have as many guys as she pleases to make up for her lack of self esteem and maturity.

Big fun

Bubbies

This made me smile Great attitude. Great story. Thanks for sharing

Christina

I am so glad that I followed the NC rule. For the first couple of weeks I checked his FB, just to look at him. Then I saw how pointless it was and just blocked him, deleted his phone and all pictures of him/us. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made and I haven’t given in to the urge of unblocking him for about 9 months. However my new bf is currently out of town and….I gave into temptation. I unblocked him and took a quick peek at his profile. I see that he is with someone else, which does cause a twinge of jealousy but I am really happy for him and happy that his life if going so well. I can finally put these worries behind me that I’m not really over him. Instead of anger I just wish him ultimate happiness and success. I want to weep at the relief I feel from this!

However…my current bf is not too thrilled about it. He is upset that I felt the need to look at his profile, and that I would risk our relationship for the sake of a quick peek. I feel incredibly guilty and for this part I wish I hadn’t of unblocked him. I have been dreaming of my ex of late(nothing bad just got the feeling that he wants to have a friendship again) and I have been feeling guilt about that too thinking that maybe I’m not over him. So I wanted to just put it to rest, just finally look at him and see what I felt. Now I feel like I have jeporadized my current relationship and incredible guilt(I could tell he was hurt and a little upset). Not really expecting a response, just felt the need to vent.
Jagger_mail

Already done everything that you’re said on your post. But there’s one problem, how to block them on mobile devices? Especially for her twitter. cause every time I miss her, I always check her twitter, and then again I feel like a dead man when I see her so happy with him, it’s really killing me. It’s like I move backward for a few steps from this recovery process. So, since I found this site is really helping me from my condition, would you mind to give me another advise about “blocking” her page?
Thanks before, I really wait for your good advice

Jagger

http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

Well there isn’t a way to block a twitter account that I know of. You’ ll have to use method 2 with the following addresses:twitter.com/hertwitternamewww.twitter.com/hertwitternameAs to blocking phone numbers, this is possible and very recommendable. Just contact your provider, they tell you how to do it.

http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

Thank you Angelina for your detailed tips.

The problem is in fact when the Ex has no privacy settings at all. Then you have to go with method 2 and restrict access to their profile address.

Thanks for your comments.
http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

You’re welcome.

Hang in there!

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