Break Up and Divorce How To Stop Yourself From Facebook-Stalking Your Ex

How To Stop Yourself From Facebook-Stalking Your Ex

Anyone who has been through a tough breakup, and finally come to the realization that the only way to heal is by following the no-contact rule, have eventually come to a point where they feel trapped.

The missing, the need to see, talk, and feel your Ex again can seem so unbearable. How easy would it be to get a glimpse of the “real thing” – a peek into their actual life – by searching through their pages in Facebook, Myspace and all those social gathering places?

A new photo of him/her, what s/he has done during the weekend, if s/he still misses you – all of that seems just one click away.

But would it make you feel better?

Not for a minute, I guarantee you that.

I've done it myself many years ago.

I couldn't bear it anymore. All I wanted to see was an actual picture of her, how she looked like at that time, nothing more.

I was just curious.

But we all know that curiosity killed the cat.

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I did some intense searching, (there wasn't Facebook or Myspace back then), and I finally found a little more than I had bargained for.

I found a picture of her and her new guy.

Now this is something that can destroy you in the beginning. I found myself thrown right back to the bottom of my recovery journey, with all its symptoms: panic attacks, deep despair and depression.

I took me 2 weeks to get out of that. And for what? For a short glimpse into her life?

The price was much too high.

Never ever do something like that. It's really NOT worth it. There is absolutely nothing you can gain. Nothing, believe me.

Now, IF you have decided to follow the no-contact rule, here are two things I really recommend you to do. It’s for your own sake.

1. Block Your Ex In Facebook

Facebook gives you very good help with the topic of blocking unwanted people.

Basically, everything you need to do is:

  1. go to your Ex's profile page
  2. navigate to the bottom of the page
  3. click on “Report/Block this person” link
  4. check “Block this person” and then hit “Submit.”

That's it. Your Ex will not be able to look into your pages and most importantly, YOU will not be able to follow your Ex's updates.

Your Ex will not be notified that you blocked her/him, but if s/he found out and contacted you regarding this, don't feel guilty. You are doing this because you've decided that you want to take your life and happiness into your own hands. You are doing this because YOU are the most important person in your life right now.

One important thing to know is that your Ex can still appear in mutual friends updates, so I recommend that you block them as well. You can still “unblock” them later when you feel better.

2. Restrict Access To Facebook

There is a computer-geek-way to block certain pages completely from access on your own computer. It's not difficult to do and I really recommend it for no-contact.

By doing this, you will not be able to visit Facebook or the pages where you can find current information on your Ex.

It's a little radical, but it's better to not trust yourself.

Here's how you do it:

  1. Find the hosts-file on your computer

  2. The hosts-file is located at (depending on your operating system):

    Windows XP, Vista and Windows 7
    C:\WINDOWS\system32\drivers\etc\hosts
    Windows 2000

    C:\WINNT\system32\drivers\etc\hosts
    Windows 98/ME

    C:\WINDOWS\hosts

  3. Append the following code and the bottom of the hosts-file:

  4. # Block Facebook
    127.0.0.1 www.facebook.com
    127.0.0.1 facebook.com
    127.0.0.1 static.ak.fbcdn.net
    127.0.0.1 www.static.ak.fbcdn.net
    127.0.0.1 login.facebook.com
    127.0.0.1 www.login.facebook.com
    127.0.0.1 fbcdn.net
    127.0.0.1 www.fbcdn.net
    127.0.0.1 fbcdn.com
    127.0.0.1 www.fbcdn.com
    127.0.0.1 static.ak.connect.facebook.com
    127.0.0.1 www.static.ak.connect.facebook.com

You can follow the excellent step-by-step instruction explained here.

For the Mac it’s the exact thing, except that the location of the hosts-file is a little more complicated.

Here’s a good instruction for Macs.

You can add all the URLs you want, like Facebook, their Twitter page, etc.

If you are not a computer-geek, ask a friend to do it for you. This is in any case the preferable way, because then it is harder for you to reverse the process.

I urge you to make these changes as soon as possible, because I know it's a sore temptation to check on your Ex. You will gain nothing by doing so, it will NOT ease your pain or help you to stop missing them. This is an illusion. It will only bring you suffering.

I promise you that you will win so much if you stick to the no-contact rule. You will gain independence, strength and the certainty that YOU can make your own happiness.

Isn't that worth enough to kiss Facebook goodbye for a few months?

Do you know a better method for keeping yourself from computer-stalking your Ex? Have I missed something? Please share in the comment-section below.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

  • Amanda Grace Elliott says:

    I am going through the exact same thing you are. If you ever need someone to talk to that can relate, I’m here. If I had someone I could talk to, it would help me too.

    • StarOfHope says:

      i hate this… it’s SO hard not to stalk your ex. How can i do this to myself? I blocked him, but he set his profile to public, which is awful…

      the funny thing about stalking is that you “stalk” in moments where you are already panicked. you feel totally bad and what are you doing? you look it up.

  • I’m facebook ‘stalking’ her as I type this, trying to find evidence if she’s with someone else already.

    Ugh, what is wrong with me?? I’m completely aware no good will come of it yet I still give in to the temptation.

  • I read in Self mag that getting dumped affects many of the same region as using cocaine. Thats why we use implusive behavior towards them, FB stalking, driving by their house, wanting to text 20 times a day. I was unhappy in our relationship and was ready to end it but when it actually happened I was crushed. I didn’t realize how much I loved him, even though he wasn’t the right man for me. He moved on quickly and I am still dealing with these hurt feelings. I just can’t figure out why! I wanted this. But I’m still a mess.

    • Jen,
      you need to write down the reasons he wasn’t meant for you. Focus only on the negative things. I just broke up with my girlfriend a couple weeks ago. I wrote down the good and bad and the bad outweighed the good 20-1! Why was I even with this person? Friends will be there to help you through anything. Keep talking to them and just try to keep busy. You’re going to be just fine I promise!!

  • Independent Woman says:

    I have recently just gotten out of a 2 and a half year relationship with my very first love. NOTHING could have prepared me for the anxiety, the pain, the hurt, the devastation, the hurt, and the endless tears. He truly BROKE my heart.

    I have the password to my ex's email and facebook accounts. Boy, I wasn't ready for what I was going to find out! I WOULDN'T recommend this to anyone, because it's very painful, but I received the closure that I needed! I found messages between him and his cousin speaking nasty about me, and as well, as my ex admitting that he's “seeing” a girl from school. I am tired of crying for this a-hole! I am tired of thinking that there is HOPE. I am GLAD to realize what a d-bag he REALLY is! I am OVER feeling bad for myself. I've realized that the MAN and LOVE of my life wouldn't hurt me this way. I know I'm a good girl AND a good person, someone ELSE out there is worth me and MY time. I'm realizing to become proactive and not giving a crap for this slug!

    I've deleted all emails from him, his email, phone numbers and facebook from my account. I have blocked all his friends on facebook as well. Finally, I have deleted all photos I had saved onto my phone. Now, I feel like I can move on!

    Like I mentioned, I wouldn't recommend what I did to anyone. But, to me, it FINALLY gave me the closure to just MOVE ON! I don't want to look back anymore. I don't want to think about him anymore! I am focused on me and getting my independence back and MY LIFE on BACK on track!!

    Eddie, this website has been truly amazing! Last month, when all I could do is think about my ex, your website SAVED me. At times, I still find myself re-reading some of your articles. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!! I truly believe that we need to focus on our well being and our mentality rather than what our hearts feel.

    Good luck to all us that are heartbroken out there. It's not an easy process but find yourself! Focus on what you DESERVE and what you truly want from life.

  • Nina Appleby says:

    These are great tips. When I first broke up with my ex, it was like second nature to check his page on MySpace. Then, I saw something I wasn't prepared to see… a picture of him with his new girlfriend. I was totally devastated. I literally couldn't breathe. It totally knocked the wind out of me. I never wanted to feel like that again. That was the biggest motivating factor for me to completely leave MySpace. Sometimes you have to take the most drastic steps to keep from hurting and potentially destroying yourself.

    • Heck ya! I left facebook. It was for our own good though…

  • Stevowenzl says:

    MY EX IS SEEING ONE OF MY FRIENDS AROUND THE BLOCK FROM ME,I HAVE TO DRIVE BY AND SEE HER CAR IN FRONT OF HIS HOUSE,THE PAIN IS KILLING ME.HELP

    • That is not very cool of your ex or your “friend”. Nothing you can do, except drive a different way home to avoid seeing what you don't need to see.

  • Mandaholaway says:

    The temptation to look at my ex's facebook can sometimes be overwhelming. When we first broke up 4 months ago, I deleted and blocked him and every one of his friends so that I could not see their facebook pages and vice versa. I didnt want to know what was going on in their lives and i didnt want them to know what was going on in my life. As some time passed, I slowly but surely unblocked them (including me ex) one by one because I figured I could handle it. My ex doesnt use his facebook very much. He doesnt post comments/statuses nor do people really post comments on his page. But sometimes there were new pics of him tagged and posts from people. He and I started talking here and there and had talked of getting back together. I added him back to facebook. Well, we never got back together and about 2 weeks ago it was officially agreed that it's not going to work because he kept going back and forth on wanting to date again. (we had dated for 2 and a half years). I had also added some of his friends (the ones i got along with) back to facebook. After mine and my ex's last fallout, I decided I want him out of my life for good. However, I didn't want to delete him and all his friends AGAIN off facebook because I feel dumb doing that again. I decided to just get rid of my facebook for a little while. I can reactivate it when necessary and if i decide it is still too difficult having my ex and his friends on my friends list, then i'll delete them. This way, I wont see any posts on mutual friend's walls about what my ex and his friends are doing and they will have no clue what I am up to because I no longer have my facebook activated. It's hard to stay strong sometimes, but I just have to remember: Do I want to move forward and feel better or do I want to keep going back and start from square one? I'd rather move forward.

  • This post was a life saver. I had been trying to keep my ex out of my mind and get over the feelings of depression and as soon as i would make some progress i would see her commenting something on fb on our common friends page and it would bring me back to the same spot. I blocked her and now i dont get to see her on fb.things have been moving on much better now. thank you Eddie.

  • What happens if I see my ex or some of her friends out at the same bar I am at? Should I just leave? What if i'm with friends?

  • this is so true. it just happened to me. i was talking to my ex yesterday. trying to clear things out. letting her explain. then in the end, we decided not to continue with the relationship anymore. we were cool when we were talking so i thought we were really ok. just know when i woke up, i opened facebook using my mom's account so i can see her profile since she is blocked in my own account. i was caught of guard when i read her post that she was looking for some love last night. i really do not know what she meant by that. i am not really devastated but of course i got disappointed.

  • just curious, following the no-contact rule, when's a good time to return my ex her belongings which are still at my place?

    • If you can, put everything in a box or boxes. Put them in a safe place, and wait for her to ask for them. Then put them outside when she is coming to get them. I say just don't be there when she does. If you have to communicate with her about this stuff, keep it to just about her stuff and the stuff only.

      • hmm i was thinking of bringing them over, since well, im the guy and there's quite abit of stuff. plus i'd like to collect my own belongings too. so i was thinking like what's a good post probation period or like a phase in which i can 'safely' do so?

        • Well, that's the million dollar question. A year, two? I would go out of your way to avoid her. But do what you need to. Just my recomandation.

  • my ex bf left me about a week and a half ago… he cheated with someone he knew for a week when we had been dating for a month. I know thats nothing compared to most people. But it was a love that that you felt only once in a life time…and now its nothing i guess. he keeps saying to wait its course that we may date again..but i really dont know what will happen. A part of me is scared nothing will…but anyway…ive been trying to do this no contact thing and i keep failing.. after we speak i dnt feel devastated or upset..just highly annoyed. I came to this site two weeks ago and i was reduced to tears from reading your stories. i just wanted to say..be strong..love will come..i hope you are all faring well and your hearts are healing with time 🙂

  • Your advise is inspiring and I know better. My ex called me after 2 yrs of no contact. He left me after I got breast cancer. We were together 12 yrs. I felt a relief at first when he called. But after we met he went on and on how good and happy his life is. I still haven't dated and still going through breast reconstruction. For the past few days I have been so heartsick, I can't stop crying and have backslided into fear and dispair. I haven't talked to my family yet as they will be so disappointed in me. My ex is not on FB but his grown kids are and I guess I have stalked their sites for info. Your site has helped feel better already. Thank you.

    • Hi Koda – you were dealt a double blow getting cancer and him leaving. Puzzling why he would make contact after 2 years to relay how good his life is – sounds a very insensitive bloke. I think it's a good idea to be alone after a relationship of 12 years, otherwise you stand a good chance of having a rebound relationship where both people can be hurt again. I can fully relate to your fear and despair…. it will get better. Look after you. You're the one that matters.

  • Ahh this just has been such great help. I cant thank you enough. It used to twist and turn my insides when I would see her posts on our common friends pages. Thank you!

  • Great. I removed my ex just yesterday, untagged all ohotos with the exception of one when we forst met. I even removed 'her' friends. No need to see an update from them.

    I hadn't looked at her page for the past 4 months anyways and planned to never look again so it was an easy task.

  • I went to see a friend of mine and she told me I looked terribly down with less good energy around (she has the capability on sensing energy field). She is right…I felt terrible today than yesterday and I am not sure why. I am quiet and less active…guess the feeling of numb and down eat me up. She said something that I really found it meaningful – “You and him were probably having karmic debt in the past life and met up in this life to pay each other back (Buddhism) ” . I need to review myself while our ex has moved on and carried on their life gracefully, what did not we should carry that same positive attitude to move on and live up every moment like no tomorrow?

    • We can believe what we want Infinity, whatever makes you feel more at peace inside. 🙂

  • This is an awesome one…I should better try it now for me to moved on..waaa.I don't know if we're still in a relationship or not…we don't communicate ever since we both worked abroad..so i decided to send him messages and broke up with him, telling him that i will let him go..but geezzz!!! no reply at all from him…i hate it! should I continue my plan not to contact him or should i wait any explanation from him??? please help..I'm confused!

  • bowski477 says:

    Awesome article! After my break-up I was caught off guard with this. I didn't know how much just looking at his page seeing that he (like me) had changed the relationship status to “single”. I thought I would find hints there that he missed me. But it hurt all too much. So 5 months ago when I started no contact, I blocked him. On Facebook, Twitter, and xbox live. I decided that nothing there was going to help me and it was only going to hurt/prevent me from healing.

    • Are you playing Reach? I know I've been killing Grunts when I miss my exgf.

      • bowski477 says:

        Defiantly. Video games have been really helpful in working through my break up 🙂

        • Well, if youd like my gamertag is RevMDN 73, If you'd like to play some Reach.

          • I'm so jealous! I sold my Xbox and PS3 for funds to make it work out with my ex lol!

            Reach is looking damn good I must say.

  • Theomzone says:

    Great Article! As a relationship coach, I ask my clients the very same question often,
    “But would it make you feel better?

    Not for a minute, I guarantee you that.”

    Thank you so much for this candid article about an issue that is very prevalent issue.

    Please put your website in the “website”-field. Thanks, Eddie

  • Hey Eddie! I was more than happy to read your article, I was experiencing the same before and exactly like you said I wasn’t ready for the price I was willing to pay for it, it just got me back to the “I will never get over her” feeling again that I was carrying for a while. “Out of sight out of mind” is a cliché that works perfectly in those situations and I am implementing it ever since that time, it is definitely makes those hard moments pass faster!!! The next step I did after realizing I have to keep the non contact rule is to find ways to distract myself from that person, after all when you have a major breakup it is like getting yourself into a rehab process, here some of the things that helped me to

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