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How To Use Music To Aid Your Breakup Recovery

This is a guest article from our dear reader and contributer Darren Fletcher.

I think it is fair to say we all shared a similar experience after our break-ups.

We were imbued with a heightened sense to sounds, smells and sights. As the body as a whole goes through “hurt” of any kind we find our reactions to the same stimuli take on different meanings.

Take the example of music. We all love it and connect with it on some level.

After your breakup how were you effected?

Did you find it difficult to hear certain tunes without getting upset? Perhaps you enjoyed some of those same songs with your ex and now they simply remind you of “old times”. For myself I found even certain types of music held so much emotion and memory that I just had to change it because the tears would come.

Music has great power, we should never underestimate its ability to soothe, heal or even bring back vivid memories.

Being an avid music lover of many genre’s I have found some music I wanted to share that might help you as it did me. Let’s face it break up songs or even songs with fairytale endings may not be the best for rotation in our ipods right now during our heightened sensitivity to emotion and memory. Realize though that in time you may be able to come back to some of those favorites and not attach them to negative emotions.

Give yourself some time.

For others it may be time to start building your musical libraries with new stuff your ex will never hear.

Your Recovery Mix.

You can then associate this with new positive memories, not old negative ones.

I have chosen some songs that represent different stages we go through with a brief description about the song. Some of these tunes are inspirational and others are sharp and witty. All of them should have the opportunity to conjure up some good memories for you as they have me.


Marillion – Happiness Is The Road

This tune by longtime UK band Marillion is a story of inspiration and fighting our minds to live in the moment and enjoy the “road” or journey in life.
This lyrical version is included here but check out the live version if you enjoy it. The songs message is epic!

Nik Kershaw – Somebody Loves You

80’s Popular Artist Nik Kershaw is known worldwide for his artful songwriting and witty lyrics, this track reminds us that “Somebody Loves You” and you can be those hands reaching out to help somebody too!

Hurts – Illuminated

Sythpop Band Hurts plays perfectly to our emotions in this song featuring beautiful lines and lungs, “romace your ego for a while”.

Be Illuminated!

Toto – I Will Remember

Go ahead and cry – this poignant song hurts and heals with a message that will ring true for many of us.

“Even when love has come and gone and our hearts have moved along, I will remember”.

We won’t forget but will jar those memories and file them appropriately.

De/Vision – Love Will Find A Way

Tap your foot and let your mind reflect on a happier future.

“Love will find a way home, a way back home to you”.

Life’s tough lessons and challenges are definitely not what we want to feel right now but can be a “blessing in disguise”.

So learn who you are, fix yourself and love again.

Maybe these songs will spark your interest and allow you some new chewing gum for the mind and ears.

Learn, sing and be inspired to love and laugh everyday.

Darren Fletcher

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16 Responses to How To Use Music To Aid Your Breakup Recovery

  1. Eddie Corbano February 1, 2011 at 12:57 pm #

    Thank you Darren for the great article.

    • Darren February 1, 2011 at 4:44 pm #

      It was my pleasure hopefully more to come 😉

  2. BedShaped February 1, 2011 at 5:06 pm #

    I have been a life long fan of music and it still amazes me today how much power certain lyrics and guitar sounds have over me. When I first split up with my ex I couldnt listen to anything musical without breaking down. I spent a whole month away from music. It was so hard. But I had to do it. I am slowly starting to listen again and only this week have managed to get through a few tracks without tears. It might sound strange to some but it really can affect you. The words of Adele “Rolling in the Deep” is my favourite at the moment. It gives me strength and hope that one day I will be able to listen to *our* songs again with fond memories of the good times we had. Im not normally a fan of Queen but someone on facebook posted “The show much go on” I cried all the way through but at the same time in my own strange freaky way it really perked me up. Omg im rambling here. Thank you Darren for the great article.

    • Darren February 1, 2011 at 6:41 pm #

      That is a wonderful Queen song isn’t it! We have to decide whether to go on and be “students and learners” or just those who react or even worse hide and isolate. You are so welcome for the article, if it helps one person than it makes my day 🙂

      Hopefully Eddie will keep me around a while….hahah

  3. pelican February 1, 2011 at 6:13 pm #

    On a normal day I like good old 80’s alternate music, but going through a breakup I tend to go out and buy the cheesiest music out. It’s embarassing actually but it gets me through and that’s all that matters. Where the lyrics complement exactly how I may be feeling etc. Makes me feel like I am not alone with what I am going through. One albumn that always does it for me is REM’s Around the Sun. Another great band for heart strings stuff – not sure if it gets much air play in the US but out here (South Africa) it does – is The Script (Irish/UK band). Both their albums are just great. 80% of their songs are breakup related so you can just put it on and cry along with the singer. Perfect !

  4. Mandah February 1, 2011 at 6:43 pm #

    Great job Fletch! My favorite kinds of songs to listen to are the ones where they talk about the girl moving on. The guy had his chance but she’s not crying over him. Bad B*tch by Lil Webbie raps something about a girl like that. I listen to all kinds of music, but lyrics along those lines help me. It varies person to person, but I look at myself-I’m 23 years old…why am I crying over some GUY?! There are SOOOO many other guys out there and there is not enough time for me to sit there crying over ONE. Country songs offer some pretty good lyrics too! i love listening to Carrie Underwood.

    • Darren February 1, 2011 at 7:14 pm #

      Why does that not suprise me…lol

      “The guy had his chance but she’s not crying over him.”

      PS in both cases I did not cheat and I do not drive a 4×4 btw

      • Mandah February 1, 2011 at 7:21 pm #

        lol why AREN’T you surprised? 🙂
        Well then it looks like you never had to worry about someone smashing your headlights with a louisville slugger!

  5. katy3000 February 1, 2011 at 10:02 pm #

    Guys this song is amazing and ALWAYS manages to put me in a good mood its
    N.E.R.D Things Are Getting Better
    You tube it and listen to it hopefully it will make you smile like it always does me 🙂

  6. Cinnadon February 4, 2011 at 4:03 pm #

    Music is sooo powerful. For some reason, my ex wasn’t all that into music. He listened to talk radio and baseball all the time. But for me, I have several CD’s that I listened to regularly when I was dating him. CD’s that I absolutely loved. Unfortunately, I can no longeer listen to them. I have packed them up for now. Maybe someday I can listen to them again, but not now. I also cant listen to a certain satellite radio that I always had tuned when I was going to see him. I’m in the process of finding new tunes.

    • Darren February 4, 2011 at 7:52 pm #

      Perfectly understandable…after 3 months I am now just beginning to be able to listen to some stuff I did when with her. Some songs I may never be able to listen too again and its ok, we have the power to change the station, change the song or cd. The point for those who really love music (and it seems unique to those who really “feel” music i;e cry when hearing a certain song) is we can build new memories with new tunes that remind us NOT of what we have lost but what we have gained and the progress we have made.

      Thanks for your comment Cinnadon!

  7. Tina February 5, 2011 at 8:34 am #

    I promised you to read your article.It’s really perfect!You’ve done a great job Darren.I’m proud of you!

    • Darren February 8, 2011 at 5:19 am #

      Thank you so much, it means a lot especially coming from you 🙂

  8. Darren February 19, 2011 at 6:51 pm #

    You totally get the concept! Its a nice mental get away to sing and dance, especially something happy. F&TM is a refreshingly different cd.
    Rock On JJ!!


  9. Darren March 28, 2011 at 9:50 pm #

    Like Howie Day, good choice!

  10. Darren May 25, 2011 at 11:00 pm #

    Adele definately writes some emotionally driven songs. Some of it quite sad. That is a nice line and thought though isn’t it. Choice is an interesting topic when speaking about being alone.

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