Oh my God, so right! One has to go through this madness to understand. I experienced and was not myself for a long long time. Held nothing back – that’s what I always believed in but madness…I lost myself! And then came the disaster! It is absolutely possible to love to madness but its not “healthy” and I stronly believe in it – now – I would not have some years back. I would have laughed at you if you had told me this had I not experienced the madness of love….very critical stage of love!!!!!

Yes I’ve done it too, and the end was equally disastrous. I totally agree that if you love someone too much there is only one way it can ever end up. What a shame though and what a hard lesson that was to learn, it took me over a year of absolute heartbreak, unbearable self-pity and total devastation in every single area of my life before I finally realised what a mess I had made of it all. Still, good to see I’m not the only one ;o))

Hehe…I found out this the hard way. I just came out from a 2 year relationship and your post just seems to fit in like the final piece of the puzzle.

Yes it is possible to love someone too much, if one loves and do not give back that is.

The old adage give and take is very true here because it is only by doing so that the relationship can have some sort of equilibrium.

There is too much to say here, such as communication skills, values and so forth that i will not venture into; loving too much is hazardous, and sometimes the solution can be as simple as requesting to take from the significant other if he/she can provide it

I found my answer through article….

I broke up 2 months ago, but now I still feel something there is haunting me…
5 months ago my commitment to life : 120%, 1 month ago : 7%, but till now still guess roughly 19%….. I heal damn slow…

yea, I insist NOT to love someone… too much… Just remember to reserve a place for yourself in your heart… always do!

Thank you for the thoughtful blog!

I do think it is very possible to lose ourselves in our love relationships. We forget that the important thing isn’t the relationships itself, but the product of that relationship. What are we bringing back out of our associations, into the world? In what way are we contributing to our growth and to the growth of others? In this case, “loving someone too much” is perhaps redirecting all of our creative focus and energy to one person. I think we can love openly and passionately, but we must also continue to work on the project that is The Self.

I can relate to this, and 9 months after my break-up with my ex, I’m still picking up the pieces of the life I lost while I was with him. I thought something like that wouldn’t ever happen to me but I stopped doing so many things because I wanted to be somone I thought he wanted me to be, and I lost my self-respect. In the end, it wasn’t worth it but I learned a valuable lesson. It’s so important to stay true to yourself, and be a happy person apart from being in a relationship.

Thanks for sharing this story, Eddie.

Thank you so much for this blog Eddie. Without it I don’t know how I would have gotten through my breakup. I felt compelled to post to give people hope – as I received so much comfort in reading other people’s posts while I was going through the worst.

In a nutshell, my ex dumped me out of the blue after nearly 6 years of being together. We had talked about marriage, had joint assets and had we lived together. It wasn’t perfect – but we were committed to therapy to grow together. I won’t go into anymore details about the relationship but when we broke up I was devestated. I couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t talk to anybody…..I really couldn’t function at all. I nearly lost my job over it.

I thought that I would never survive. I cried constantly thinking that I had lost the best thing ever and that my life was ruined. I wanted to just disappear and not exist.

That was nearly 6 months ago and it’s an entirely different story now. Eddie’s advice was really helpful – especially with no contact and the fact that you REALLY put your ex on a pedestal. I actually can’t believe that not only did I survive – but I am thriving. Happy, busy, social. I sometimes get some sadness at being single (I’m in my mid 30s and thought I’d be married by now) but I fill up my time with friends, new activities and keeping busy.

Anyway – I wanted to let all of you broken hearts out there know that there is HOPE! I went from not thinking that I wouldn’t survive and that I had lost the greatest love of my life and best friend – to being happy and healthy. I PROMISE you that you will get over this. LIsten to Eddie – he really knows what he’s talking about. Even though his advice may seem to go against what you are FEELING, you need to follow it because you aren’t thinking with your head – you are thinking with your emotions. Think of Eddie’s advice as a light in the fog – you can’t see properly so you need to rely on guidance to get you out. Even if it feels weird and wrong – just trust and it will eventually get better. I’m not going to lie – it’s not easy – but you will absolutely survive and get through this.

Hugs.

I met a man two and half years ago. He fell inlove with me the day he met me, and within a couple of days I was right there with him. We had an extordinary love affair. We met under the sun on an Island in the Carribean. He was from Europe and I was from North America. Our words were not strong in a mutual language in the first moment, but everything made sense. We loved each other with amounts that seemed impossible.
After we departed from each other we continued to gravitate towards eachother. With 10,000km inbetween our houses we continued to see eachother every three months, and after a year I made the move to be with him. We drank in the high of being inlove, but it was never enough. Once reality caught up and our day to day obligations & expectations weighed in, our differences started to become more apparent. Each debate, misunderstanding, and full out argument triggered an internal alarm, that never went away. When you give so much love it hurts when the other one hits a wall and doesn’t understand where you are coming from. When you give up to much love you begin to sacrifice your happiness to continue keep the love. When it is not enough you give away love you reserved for yourself to your partner, and your inner self begins to notice. You become upset that you have neglected yourself, and your partner probably was doing the same. In the end you both used up all the love you had, and there is nothing left. Not for you to give to him, or even to yourself… or at least that’s what I think happened with me. We pretend like things are ok, but the madness has settled deep within us. I am leaving in just a few days, and I wish that old man would have told us ‘It’s never good to love someone too much.”

I read this and i nearly started bawling! I just went through a pretty bad breakup and i consumed my life in my boyfriend. We were together everyday all day unless he was working! He was my first love, we dated for 4 years and i feel like i will never get over him and im scared to Death that i will never over come this and i will always want him back. I dont know why i want him so bad though i know he is no good for me! I honestly thought that only girls could love like this but apparently i was wrong I’m glad to know that im not alone and i have more hope now more than other because i just read this.

My marriage was not so happy and i had to leave my kids to work abroad. Then i met this guy who promised to love me the way my ex was not able to do. I tried and trusted him and we fell in love. He has kids from a woman who maltreated him back home. Then there came a time when we became dependent of each other. We needed and helped each other, emotionally & financially but most of the time i did the latter. Until his time came to take his vacation, he promised he just went for his kids. Yet after 3 days that he left for vacation, he would not answer my messages nor take my calls. I was in panic. It was very painful for me because i thought he already forgot about his sons’ mother but everything was totally different now. I pleaded for him to talk to me a lot times but he refused to do so. After a few agonizing days, i picked myself up and decided to get on and make sure he repays me everything he owes me when he gets back. I was never so humiliated in my whole life than this very moment when he rejected me. Then lately, after several days of his stay there, he would call and send me messages including sweet nothings only to know at the end that he needs money. I was shivering in disbelief that there exist a person like him in this world. A shameless abusive person…after he’d rejected, now he’s come back to me to ask help. Please can you advise me what to do with this wolf? I’m afraid what i might do to him when I see him.

Yeah…it’s true…..When you love someone so much that you start defining yourself based on the other persons view…it becomes very difficult to break up …
I have felt that madness and it hurts a lot …. I agree with u all…

This happened to me…just the other way around. My fiance became obsessive over me, trying to do everything for me and getting angry with me when I did not let him. He then walked out on me two days ago, saying that I had changed and that I never respected him. I tried to tell him that he did this to himself, but it was no use. I am obviously devestated by this but I’m pulling myself back together. I loved him like no one else, and as I see it now, like no one ever again. This was the man whom I saw, and knew in that moment that I was going to marry him. Then I let him screw it up.

I’m madly in love with a close friend who seemed to have intentions for me as well. 1 year later he got a so called “serious” girlfriend and i decided to stop being friends w him bcz it hurt me too much. These past few weeks I barely moved… ii’m always in my bed crying thinking why was he giving me all the cute sigs, why did we hang out soooo much… but all that was meant for nothing i guess. We were never bf/gf.. he never said the magical I love you words but he did give contradicting signs. Honestly.. i don’t know how to live me life now that i have finally lost hope. I have a lot of projects to finish up but i’m not motivated to do anything. I’m always sad and crying. I used to be really strong before meeting him.. He was there when my dad passed away he helped me through the most difficult times of my life but now he’s gone too. I’m afraid i’ll never find someone as good as he is… i’m sure i’ll get more dates but i’ll never love as madly as i love him. I love loving him… even though i want to move on and be happy again but i don’t want to let go of him and sweet memories of him. Wish me good luck lol

Unfortunatelly, when you realize you are loving too much, it is too late because the damage is already done. I know exactly how devastating this is.
It is so hard to get over it.
I have felt the pain you are talking about. If feels like dying would be actually a relief. But that is what people should be careful about because some actually take that route.
If you are ever feeling like this, reach out for God and remember to love him more than anybody else. Then reach out for family and friends, and even counseling.

Definitely guilty! However, it gets easier and better after a few major traumas, if one decides to learn from them. I’m just splitting up with somebody and while it’s sad and draining, it’s nowhere near as incapacitating as former split-ups used to be. I function well and realise that my whole life is basically in order. All throughout this relationship I forced myself to keep seeing my friends, go out and do things I enjoyed without him. This not only made me realise that I am an interesting person with A LIFE … but also, that he isn’t. Being ‘crazy in love’ is just that, crazy. Stop yourself.

Yes i know for a fact that one can lose himself completely in someone. i lost myself completely. i feel that i don’t have control over myself. i love that man so much, and as much as we wanna be together, we can’t be together. it’s not impossible, but we have to fight everyone and everything in order for us to be together. i am willing to do that, BUT, he’s not a fighter! he’s got zero persistance. I can’t tell u how hurt i am that im losing him just because he refuses to fight for our love.
i gave him everything, and loved him unconditionally. there’s nothing that i wouldn’t do for him. i did all sorts of crazy things, things that i usually wouldn’t do.
We still didn’t break up, but we’re gonna have to soon. i donnu how am i gonna make it without him.. i wish someone would just tell me.

letting go of someone you have loved so much is one of the most hardest part we could ever handle!

there is a wonderful saying that taught me sooo much… ” if u love something let it go, if it comes back it’s yours, if it doesn’t it never was ” we should realize and admit the fact that the more we hold on to them the more they wanna run away… It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t fight for love… But he has to be worth to fight for…. I left a comment earlier…. I feel different now… I still love him but I’v learned how to live without him and still be happy…. Love yourself so others ( well meaning guys and especially him) will to! By staying strong and NOT letting myself down I made him respect me more… Yes we’re not together but I’m not just another chick for him…. I became the girl whom he calls at midnight after a long period of not talking to wish a happy birthday… Its better to end a relationship with pride and not burn bridges cuz life is full of surprises you never know what might happen in the future. We all wright our stories here seeking support from those who really understand us so I hope I was helpful

Brilliant, its an eyeopener for me, as well as my life…..i did commit this mistake…. loved the woman of my life.. till madness… and now she has moved away from me… and am literally dead and aimless…. i have no words… but an amazing article…. a lesson to all those who are in love… or going to get into a relationship…

Hasher, you are not alone in this feeling, my friend. I lost my best friend, the love of my life, maybe because she lost herself at first, and then later in the 5 year relationship I lost myself. Once she had regained her sense of self, perhaps in the last two years or so of the relationship, she drifted away from me, ever so slowly. At the end, I was desparate to hold on. But she did not want it, or me, or the “person” we created together in our love (not a baby, just the melding of two hearts into one, you know). I had to let her go. It was devastating when I let her go in February. To this day I grieve and pray the pain ends soon. But perhaps it is only through the pain that we learn to not make the same mistake in loving again. Loving too hard/much gives the impression of trying to control the other and they feel smothered. Eventually this will damage the relationship. If only… if only…. if only I knew and understood then (five or six years ago) what I understand now.

it happens to everybody… i just recently broke up with my long distance boyfriend. i was mad and crazy, spent long hours goggling how to recovery from a breakup, one of the articles and answers I’ve stumbled upon was from a guy name THE REAL: “Some people know its true love after questioning themselves and coming up with valid answers. For others we know its true love by taking a leap of faith willing to embrace the idea that we may end up with a broken heart. Those who risk it all to find love are usually the ones who find love in its totality”
love is the most beautiful thing in the world, and to find love, to be able to feel it, and share it even though it didn’t worked out how you wanted it to be – you felt it and shared it with someone.
and in some way, you may have touched this person’s life and he/she have touched yours. life is unpredictable, and there are always a lot of risk, full of happiness and sadness. we must embrace it and learn from it and remember it. and so is it with love…
i have not yet gotten over him, and even sent him 3 white stemmed roses saying that i was sorry that it had to end, but thankful for all the memories and love we once shared.
call it madness but that’s what love is, isnt it?

This is so true. I am dealing with a very difficult break up and the cause for it being so bad — we both loved each other to the point of madness … I know he is no good for me, I just cant seem to find the strength to know when enough is enough. I am still thinking of ways to make this work. I feel I am at that point of madness more than ever Ahhhh love, what a wicked thing.

This is totally truth! But my next question is when do you know that you have given too much??? & how do you stop?? When do you stop?? Seems like when its realized your already in too deep……….

Love Until Madness – Did it happen to me? HELL YEAH, IT DID!!!
I think my ex and I loved each other way too much… Regardless, if that was a good or bad thing… We ended up breaking it off… That was rough… Very ROUGH. It hurt us, a lot… Both of us. At the time, we lost ourselves in ourselves… I don’t know what happened but by the end of the relationship, we had lost sight of why we initially chose to be together…
I’m the type that would have rather loved and lost than never loved at all… I’m happy we went through, what we had to go through together, good, bad, EVERYTHING… To be who we are today.

thank u for that article.. really i know the true meaning of losing oneself to love. i’ve loved this guy since i was a middle school kid. i graduate this march..and turn 18 but im still crying for him everyday. I buy only goth looking black dresses, wear only black nail polish, always have the same hair style, eat only chinese wen i go out, stick to my diet, food, books, music……all because it was all about him. Heck! i even go to law school cuz of him. i am going mad…i cant even be myself anymore!!
i know i have to get through this…but he’s made me into him!! i love being this way.. i love the things he likes, i love his dreams n i dont feel like being my old self. but i know i have to. Because it hurts every time my friends say “come back to us soon amru”
PLEASE RESPOND …plz give me suggestions

hi eddie, i’ve been goggling since several days to find something that can soothe my pain a little thanks. several days ago my girlfriend with whom I’ve been about 4 years text me to tell me that her parents found a boy for her and she told me to forget her, how could she do that, she told me that its impossible for her to argue with her parents, i am completely devastated i don’t know what to do, i love her so deeply, yesterday i dropped out of university because i cannot concentrate anymore, everyone keep saying get over it, how can i do that, its impossible, its seems like death don’t make me scared anymore and that is the way to erase this pain burning inside me, am feeling terribly betrayed, why people always deceives those who really care for them, i have been a faithful lover for all these years, i’ve done nothing wrong, i don’t drink or smoke, we talked several times about marriages and even the names of our kids later, we both have 21 years old, why her parents do that, we live in a modern society, we are young and she was willing to wait we finish our studies, her parents know me, i’ve been to her place several times, i hate religions and foolish tradition, what hurts me the most is that why she is not fighting for our love, all the moments we shared together, if all this was fake then when will it be real, this is a real nightmare, i can’t sleep properly nor eat, i wake up very early because of that, am very tired physically and psychologically but i can’t find sleep, i cannot bear to see her go with another one which she was forced to go, and she appears not to suffer, she is like normal, maybe she is suffering inside silently thing which i don’t have the courage to do, she is the only one i love i won’t be able to love again, am losing a big part of myself, i never knew this would end like that, everything was fine and calm between us; great chemistry, humor, laughs,etc she told me several times she wanted to marry me and that she will always love me, now its like if she is another person, i can’t recognize her, i have absolutely no courage to move forward am feeling extremely weak and i don’t want to suffer like that, this suffering is not stopping y, i hate that feeling, i can feel its changing my inner self into becoming someone evil and am noticing that am finding some re-comfort in this evil inside me, i hate myself to have fallen so low in life, my hand are shaking while am writing this, am in tears despite being a man, i’ve always been open minded but i cannot bear that pain, other people are strong enough to take that pain but not me, i planned my future for us, even started making plans for our home thats the price am paying for having been a faithful partner and a good person which above all have sacrifice so much for this love to see all that energy and time and love disappear in the end, i have no motivation now

i think its totaly true you can love to much. i meet the women 2 years ago and i was happy in a relationship and liveing with my ex, she was married and liveing with him. i fancied her for 14 months and watched from a far then one night at a party she come over and we started talking and got on really well. before i knew it we was having a affair and she told me she loved me. i was over the moon but couldnt say the same back as i was confused and wanted to be sure. the affair continued and before i knew it i was in love with her and told her. we talked and said we would both leave our partners to be together. i left mine and she half left him. i was so in love that she controled my life and before i knew i no longer did things for me because every thought i had was about her. needless to say she pushed me away and i kept coming running back but after 6 months i had hit rock bottom. it turned out that i think i become not the person she said she feel in love with but a strange person that hanged on her every word, someone who no longer was his own man but someone who had to live every waking second liveing her life. im still at rock botom and man it hurts. wheres the old me?

@Nilesh – its the worst feeling i know.try not to beat urself up.im in the same boat but the lady in mylife has returned to her husband and left me hurt and distrote.i dont know what to suggest because im so low.do these women really have feelings?beats me.but dont say that death is the only way to take away the pain because there are people out there who love u even if its not her.

@Nilesh – Nilesh.. u seem to be an egyptian to me.. is that right?? i can understand what ur talking abt.. even the way u write, and the terms u use.. so egyptian..
anyway, yr story is not new for me. i heard it so many times. i know how bad u feel and i know u think u’ll never heal, but the good news is YOU WILL HEAL. times heals everything.
i just broke up with that guy that i loved so much, and my mom told me a very important thing ” everything is born so little, and grows bigger with each day, except for pain, its the only thing that is born so big, and goes smaller with every passing day. u will forget her, and u will love again.
i know u feel betrayed, and u can’t believe that she wouldnt fight for yr love. but u should know that parents in our society (if u r from egypt or an arab country like i assume u r), parents here control our lives big time! they have a say and they take us forgranted.
my story is similar to yrs. im divorced with 2 kids, fell in love with that guy, and gave him everything, i believe he loved me too. his parents wouldnt accept our marriage, they manipilated him and threatened him they would never talk to him again if we go through with our marriage. he wouldn’t fight for us, that hurted me a lot.
anyway, i’m trying so hard to get ver him.. and i will eventually.
so u have to understand that what she wants has very little to do with anything. her parents will make all most (if not all) important decisions in her life. if u’re egyptian/arab, then u should know better.
stop feeling so bitter, and focus on yrself. be positive, and know that what doesn’t kill u makes u stronger. ur not dead, or are u? so get yrself together, and know in yr heart that u will find someone to love and love u back, and get any negatice thoughts (the evil ones u mentioned) out of yr head.
go out with yr friends, study, play some sports. do new things, if ur from egypt, try to go to ‘’sa2yet el saway” in zamalek. ask about ”dragon academy” in mohandeseen and maadi where they teach u lots of interesting sports. just fill up yr time with useful stuff, Just get busy! stop feeling sorry for yrself. every ending is a new beginning to something else, but we just dont know it at the time.
i wish u the best of luck

I’m a divoced mom of 2 kids,I got in love with a married father for 2 kids 2 and half years ago,he didnt wanna get a divorce due to his kids,we shared lots of harmony and emotions,he used to show lot of effort to keep me with him in the relation and he used to show me more love and attention than lately.This period of time is hurting me a lot when im feeling him so shady and ignoring our emotions,he keeps me wondering why,after all the love that i give him and he knows that i give away everything for him,i feel he is stepping back in his love towards me and that he is not giving me feelings like he used to.Im hurt and confused i think of ending this relation and tried but couldnt at all becaused it hurts so bad,and i get back to him,i think that what makes him show off,but i want him back coz i truly love him as well as i know he does too but he is not showing that no more,I need a solution to my misery im lost,its being physically more than emotionally whats between us lately and i want him to feel me again….please help