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My 7 Life Rules – What I’ve Learned In 42 Years

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6. Always be flexible, say YES more often

There is a movie with Jim Carrey called "Yes Man" where, because of a commitment, he always has to say Yes! to everything for an entire year. During this time, his life turned out in crazy and surprisingly positive ways.

Of course this is just a movie, but the fact is that I left out many positive opportunities in my life because of fear. I often said NO instead of YES.

Inflexibility is stopping life from flowing. Being flexible means grabbing opportunities, and opportunities are a way to grow.

Say YES! more often.

7. Always have goals, without goals you are a manless ship heading nowhere

It is of major importance to not only have a life goal, but goals in every area of your life for the near future.

Goals have the benefit that they:

  • determine the direction in which we want to go and focus on what WE want
  • they focus our thinking and energy
  • will distract us from negative experiences
  • create a positive self-image and increases self-confidence
  • make us take charge of our life
  • allow that new possibilities will open up
  • increase our motivation to carry out all necessary steps to achieve them
  • give us measurable results

Goals give our lives a direction and meaning.

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
—Albert Einstein

Conclusion

I believe firmly that it takes a rich life full of mistakes to realize what is really important, and what brings us further as individuals. Only then can you come up with a personal guiding system of life rules, which will lead you safely through the troubles and turmoils of life.

Have you found yours yet?

Which lessons have life taught YOU? I would love to know, please tell me all about it in the comment section below.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

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About The Author:

is a breakup-coach, relationship-advisor and founder of LovesAGame. He suffered from a devastating break up in 1998. Since then, he dedicated his life to helping others getting the best of this existential experience. The overcoming of a break up is an important step to autonomy and independency. Eddie Corbano developed some new coaching programs, which focus on evolving inner strength and the power to set and reach any personal goal. (Article written on February 22nd, 2010)
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  • Leila

    could you expand on #5? isn’t it a good thing to validate people? what exactly do you mean by that?

    thanks, very helpful article – relaxing is one of the lessons i’ve learned… to just sit back and let things happen, it’s a way to let the unknown just happen without controlling the moment…

  • Determined

    I really enjoyed this article.!
    It’s been 11 months since the relationship ended and it’s been hard work getting to this point. At first, I set goals for myself to keep my mind pre-occupied from thoughts of “what could have and should have been”. It worked and to my surprise, my self-esteem started to grow tremendously. The more I set goals for myself, the more I was able to reach them, the more I reached them the more I was able to build my inner-strength, allowing me to easily create more positive affirmations to tell myself. Also, I began to trust my inner-voice, allowing me to make decisions without having to debate both sides of the coin. It was hard for me to trust my inner-voice since I felt my inner-voice should have forewarned me of what I felt was a major tragedy in my life. I felt my inner-voice should known better..lol
    By using “goals” all the other rules fell into place easily. For me to reach my goals I knew I had to stop “procrastinating “ (I bought a book on procrastinating 6yrs ago, read the first chapter and told myself that I would finish at a later time, never read the book…lol). I thought it would be hard to stop procrastinating but the feeling, the “HIGH” I received from reaching my goals was so overpowering that I never even thought about procrastinating. I was addicted to the “HIGH” feeling that my accomplishments provided.
    With things in my life starting to feel and look better, I naturally started to appreciate things in my life with a different perspective. I began to be thankful of the things that had no quantitative value. I realized that what is most important to me has no price tag and that no one can give but me. I learned to “Love” myself for who I am. I’ve always had a good outlook about myself, so I thought, but all the things I “thought” was good in my life was all superficial.

    One thing I do find hard is to be “flexible”. I guess it’s because if I’m “flexible” it may cause me to lose sights of my goal which has given me so much in terms of happiness. What I found was that flexibility came more easily as my goals and priorities were met.

    Yes I feel good about myself now but it’s still a work in progress and I have a long way to go. Valentine’s Day was proof of that….lol.
    It was a day to build on my experience,
    It was a day of growth,
    It was a learning day,.!

    It does get easier with TIME..!!

    :)

  • Matt

    I would like to see an expansion on #5 also, but I have an idea what Eddie is getting at.

    I recall Deepak Chopra and others advising to practice freedom from making incessant judgements upon our surroundings (including people) in the stream of daily life. This is how we can accept things as they really are without triggering the energy sapping reflex of approval/non-approval which seems to saturate the TV driven American mindset.

    It’s quite the burden to be overly critical. I recall riding in a car with one young guy who was giving me a steady monologue about every other driver in a parking lot scenario as we arrived to park, complete with insults. It seemed he was tortured by the commonplace task of parking his car. How many people have we heard do the same in any number of situations?

    Bad energy flows (and with practice LOTS OF IT!) from this always-on judgemental/criticizing mindset, including making certain hard conclusions that are not possible to know from the evidence available, yet people mistakenly come away convinced.

    I would like to call #5 (and all seven of Eddie’s life rules) my own, but I can’t presently, because I haven’t practiced long enough to own it. Hopefully, a discussion thread here could cement some of this into my best thinking.

    Tell you what…….when I quit smoking in 1987, I did so from a book off the library shelf. I owe my life to that author. One thing learned was the use of index cards to affirm in words the desire to change in specific ways concerning breaking the cigarette addiction. I had those cards all over! But for now, I’m going to write Eddie’s rule #5 on an index card and lay it in the fold of my wallet…..and one duplicate taped to the computer display frame. The index card as a tool for personal growth is superb.

    I’ve inquired about meditation, though I’m not in any habit of practicing formally. I know meditation would enhance rule #5 because whatever thought passes through the mind during meditation is to be accepted without emotion, for just what it is and nothing more, and when it passes, it passes replaced by the next thought and in the same way received and processed, and then the next and the next.

    I relate formal transcendental meditation to the thought flow I try to hold when I run…….a sense of direct mental connection with my physical running experience……”the zone”……..to feel what’s there.

    I think that mindstate is to be carried into much of our ordinary activity, doing things simple and complex with keen and pleasant awareness……unharried by emotion, always with self-respect, at a suitable pace, free from imposition by other people’s excesses as hard as they try. We all know people who have this mastered. I do not have it mastered, but I can with determination.

    What took me to this website, were my mistakes. This website is certainly good for me. Funny how this stuff works!

    Thank you for the chance to comment!

    Matt

    Matt

  • bubbles

    thanks for all the wonderful posts eddie! your website helped me a lot to move forward w my life. everything happens for the best…its true that in life ,whatever happens never lose the lesson…learn well, live well and no regrets. always appreciate the strength and wisdom we have gained from painful experiences for it makes us a better person. be thankful in all circumstances! continue being a blessing to others and may God bless you more!

  • http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

    Thank you for reading the article and for your wonderful comments.

    I’m afraid that #5 fell victim to language problems, I apologize for the misunderstanding (you all know that English isn’t my native tongue, right?).

    So, this is what I mean with #5:

    I try not to judge people – especially someone I’ve met for the first time – by their looks, education, race, color, their actions, social backgrounds, opinions, etc.

    We tend to “label” and “categorize” people, very often subconsciously, looking for flaws and weak points only to feel better about our own flaws.

    This often happens in a second, without even realizing it.

    What we also don’t realize is that this takes HUGE amounts of energy (“the energy sapping reflex of approval/non-approval” as Matt phrased it brilliantly).

    Also, we are inclined to value things and situations by their current usefulness: We say “The thing that happened to me yesterday was a bad experience”. But if you think about it, there isn’t really such a thing as “good” or “bad”.

    It is also very wrong to label our feelings, like ‘what I feel now is good or bad’. It is very important to accept them as they are.

    This whole mindset is not always easy to put into action, it takes some practice and mind-control. But it really is liberating once you’ve incorporated it into your daily life.

    Thank you all again for sharing your wonderful thoughts.

    Your friend,
    Eddie

  • David

    Thanks for the explanation Eddie!

    I don’t know about anyone else but I do this ALL the time. Always making better or worse comparisons in my head.

    My solution to help practice this in my life is to FEEL love coming from my heart whenever I look at or talk with others. I imagine the love emanating outward toward them and that feeling helps me realize that all of humanity is here in this life together. It helps me feel we are all connected and gets me out of my fear. All that judging and ego I do is connected to my fear(s) and I can’t just remove the fear, I have to replace it with it’s opposite, love.

  • http://cathyelliss.com/ Cathy

    Your rules seem pretty good but……

    trusting your inner voice…

    eg determined said “It was hard for me to trust my inner-voice since I felt my inner-voice should have forewarned me of what I felt was a major tragedy in my life. I felt my inner-voice should known better..lol”

    What or who is your inner voice? I remember the cartoon when I was growing up about everyone having a little devil and a little angel on each shoulder – one saying “Do it.” one saying “Don’t.” When did we stop believing this?

    Have you heard the song with the lyrics ‘garbage in, garbage out’.

    We all have inner talk happening and much of it can be defeatist so I choose to put great stuff in – some of which has been mentioned throughout this conversation such as with techniques from gurus like Deepak Chopra. Motivational speakers especially based on firm foundations and ancient wisdom whether it be through the wisdom of women, or religions (eg Jesus or the Dalai Lama) can really help us to stay positive and focused on our goals without dwelling.

    Too me that is the key ‘not to dwell’. If you feel sad don’t deny it – feel it (quickly if possible) then do something to change your attitude back to positive and focused.

    Mindset – what a man thinketh so is he!

  • http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

    What or who is your inner voice?

    I believe that there are two distinctive things going on in our heads:

    1. The ego-based fear polluted “inner talk”, the “monkey-mind” as the Buddhist call it
    2. The non-ego-based inner voice coming from a “higher source” (don’t interpret too much into this term) – the “gut feeling”

    Usually the first one is MUCH louder than the second one.

    Now, I have learned that, when I am able to quiet my mind, to dive into the quiet as Deepak Chopra phrased it, I can feel that “higher source” inner voice.

    Call me crazy, but when I have an important decision to make, that inner voice ALWAYS knows the right thing to do. It has never failed me.

    The problem is – as I wrote in my article – to quiet the criticising and fear based part of your mind. This is sometimes extremely difficult, it takes practice, positive affirmations and self-confidence.

    If you master this (I haven’t… yet), then you have the perfect tool for doing the right thing in life.

    So much for theory… but I’m working on it.

  • shine

    i am new here. . and i am really happy for i have found this website. . perfect for my situation. . everything i have read here in your article inspired me a lot. . and i enjoyed reading them, especially the article where you shared your life’s lessons and experiences. . every words gave me confidence. . . and as i go on with your article. . i believe i will become a better person soon. . .. thank you so much!

  • sheetal

    hi eddie ……i m vry upset in dese days i hve no prblm wid my professional lyf its going gud…bt i m alone i found dat the people whom i used to cal my friend dey don’t take interest in me now a days ,,,i really don’t know wt to do bt i m feeling very bad,,,,,,,pls help me

  • Marie

    Omg! I’m so glad that I found this site, I’m amazed by the amount of tps that I have found here, I was searching random tips to break up,, ( I really don’t want to) I will let time take it’s course.. but I do agree with the inner voice, we all have that… ” this is not good” but somehow we sometimes ignore it ( not all people)
    by really knowing what you want and where you are, and being truyly firm to yourself.. then things start to happen..
    I love your site!!!!!!!!!! keep going.. =)

  • Kiera

    Good advice! I enjoyed reading this, and yes I agree with the 'goals' aspect to life, I always feel better if I 'complete' something, I think I might try and finish the books I've started to read, at least then I can say I've read them, and might even give me a different perspective on life, thank you!

  • http://ozarkscrescentmural.blogspot.com/ Victoria-Ozarks Crescent Mural

    I have my own ideas about a few of these.

    1. Make decisions and never look back. I totally disagree. I think decision-making should take a lot of introspection and some deep thought. You want to make sure you are making the right decision and it's not easy to make the right decision quickly. Never looking back is bad advice too because I'd rather learn from my mistakes so that I never make them again.

    3. Very true. It's a good way to live.

    6. I think for some people saying NO more often would be better.

    7. Goals are what determine my actions.

  • cheryl

    My friend just told me about this site — I think it's great! Really intersting thoughts and ideas.
    I am curious about what you say in #4 & #5 — feel like those 2 thing work against each other sometimes. I meet someone new and try not to be judgemental, but –as a friend recently pointed out to me — the relationship usually winds up ending because of the reasons I saw right from the start. How do you know when to follow your intincts and when to be open minded?

  • Lara

    well, this is the first time i read these nice texts. i have to say they're really enlightening and help gaining a new perspective to life.
    well, i'm going through one very difficult period in my life. i shall share. actually, up to 6 months ago i had one relationship, had job and a couple of friends. it was a long term relationship that took me a lot of time an energy, but also was my only priority besides my education. i had an organized life, but free from excitement and real enjoyment in love. after i have graduated (3 years ago) and gained an affirmation in the field of work, i fell helplessly in love with a man i thought was everything i've ever wanted for myself. after a long deliberation whether i should stay in an old relationship or pursuit my happiness with that man, suddenly our encounter happened and i slipped from one boring relationship and boring life into the relationship with the man of my dreams. it lasted five months , five months of extreme happiness. suddenly it all vanished and i'm feeling left alone with no friends, protection and support. i used to be a looked upon person, now i feel i'm nowhere, no friends, no love, no job, nothing..the thing that worries me most is that i lost my interest in professional improvement since i was left all alone and no one to turn to. i wish you could write about this or similar problem cos i 'choose to live' but need help.
    sincerely yours, Lara

    • Blah

      im in a similar situation. Eddie i hope you'll write something about this.
      something about how not to lose yourself in a relationship.

  • Maryviper

    This articleis nice.

    I think I never quite learn because sometimes I get myself thinking that I always make the same mistakes it really frustating..but in the article I agree…But sometimes I think lifes hard for people that make it hard…

  • suburbangirl

    I wish I had taken the time to search online for advice before making mistakes that have irreperably damaged what would have been a friendship as we had agreed upon. When we broke up both of us were relieved and even crying about it. Afterwards I fell apart. During the past six months I wasn't happy either and I was passive, wanting him to come to the same realization as I that it must end. I wanted him to be the one to break up with me because somehow I thought being on the same page would make a difference. Then once it happened I couldn't stop myself. I needed closure because we had done this over the phone. No matter who I talked to (and I have really good friends) I continued down a path that was not good for me and especially for him. My actions following the breakup have now caused irreparable damage. I did the one thing you are not supposed to do – I kept attempting to make contact for my closure. Not his, mine. It was as if I couldn't start to heal until a climactic ending had occurred. I couldn't let go. I feel like a horrible person. I am an objective person who learns from mistakes. This was so completely out of character for me. I only pray that in time he will be able to look back on the positive, the beautiful experiences we had. Is that even possible?

  • JesusIsMySaviour

    When I was in higschool and even during my first two years in college, I thought that life was all about having a hot bf, party and sex. Many of my friends if not all, have already lost their virginity, and being a virgin, I felt left out and couldn't relate to them.

    I didn't believe my friends when they'd say to me, that I was lucky to be a virgin and to save it for someone special. I thought, “they just wanted all the fun”. Until I met and became interested in this guy who was sweet, charming, and confident in my eyes. And that's when it happened, we had a one night stand. After the incident, I felt alot of guilt and at the same time, I wanted to cling to him, even though I had realized that all he wanted was sex. When I didn't give in to him the second time, I never heard from him since.

    I felt a ton of different emotions, including self pity, regret, and I thought that I was a horrible human being. After a year of emotional support from my closest friends, and alot of prayer, asking for forgiveness, I finally learned to forgive him and most of all, myself.

    Now, I am a different woman, and more selective of who I want to share my new & awesome life with :) My perspective of life has completely changed from being all about hot bf, party & sex into loving myself in order to have love for others, and enjoying life while it lasts! and most of all being able to forgive, because it has set me free. Life is truly about the journey, and not the destination. I wouldn't change a thing.

  • leaaa

    It’s possible that I don’t love him since I’m no longer a part of his life. He’s someone I don’t know.