Break Up and Divorce My Life With A Narcissist – Part 1 – Is Your Ex One?

My Life With A Narcissist – Part 1 – Is Your Ex One?

Preface from Eddie Corbano: Narcissists are out there and they need to be recognized and exposed. I knew they existed, but never had an idea of the devastation they could create in other people's lives. Until I read Marce's post about her personal experiences with a narcissist.

It was in fact so helpful, that I asked her to write a whole article on the topic to educate people what narcissists are and what they do… and most of all – to help you identify if your Ex was one of them.

This is an article in two parts, starting with Marce's story – her suffering, her attempts to fix things and ultimately… how she got out.

You will find that the following is written from a very subjective, personal point of view, and this is exactly what makes it so helpful and valuable.

Please read this. This is a MUST for everyone.

John William Waterhouse [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Narcissism:
“A pattern of traits and behaviors which signify infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of all others and the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one's gratification, dominance, and ambition.”

“‘I am in love with you', I responded.
He laughed the most beguiling and gentle laugh.
‘Of course, you are,' he replied. ‘I understand perfectly because I'm in love with myself. The fact that I'm not transfixed in front of the nearest mirror takes a great deal of self-control.'
It was my turn to laugh.”
– Anne Rice, Blackwood Farm

By Marce.

My life with a Narcissist – A Personal Story

In the beginning, he was considerate, understanding, charming, suave, loving, and this is what “sucked” me in.

I WAS IN LOVE – hook, line and sinker.

The Suck In

The relationship was intense and romantic, and he wanted to spend most of his free time with me. He called me pet names like “Princess” and “gorgeous.”

Still thinking about your Ex? Click here to take the test to learn how long it takes to heal... and how you can speed up the process.

He told me that I was beautiful and “just perfect.” He made me feel secure in the relationship and said things like, “he would ALWAYS be there for me” – he was going nowhere.

He kept telling me how much he loved me, and needed me, and that he had never met, (or found), anyone like me.

However, this was short-lived because, after the “honeymoon” or “sucking in” stage, the tables turned.

Why?

Well, Narcissists love the “honeymoon” stage where they can just have fun and not be responsible or accountable for anything. Nor do they have to deal with any REAL issues that are necessary to take the relationship to a deeper emotional level.

He loved the romance, adoration, admiration, and uplifting that I gave to him… and I think he thought he had found THE ONE who would tolerate his weirdness without questioning it.

In the beginning stages of our relationship, I NEVER questioned anything because I loved him and completely trusted him. What I did not know at the time is that he did not have the ability, or willingness, to move past this stage of the relationship and that soon he would get bored.

He groomed me and trained me up to be the perfect source of his narcissistic supply – in fact, he even told others in my presence “she is in training.”

He also told me on occasion that I continued to “pass” all the tests he'd set for me. When asked what he meant, he changed the subject and said, “I just can't fault you in any way.”

I would laugh coyly, but little did I know that he actually meant it – he was training me up and he was testing me ALL the time to see if I fitted in with his plans.

Getting his attention and love made me very happy – so in reply, being his constant source of attention, sex, affection and nurturing was absolutely no problem for me at all, and in fact was very easy for me to do naturally.

I loved him, and I wanted him to be as happy as I was.

The Devaluing

So what happened after the “honeymoon” stage?

“Was it something I said?”

I saw a change in him which resulted in a change in me.

I was still his eager, willing, worthless, doting floor mat – BUT I started asking questions because things did not seem right in the relationship.

Although I DID take this very personally at the time and thought I was doing something wrong, and it was ME that was the problem. I also felt that perhaps I had failed to do something that I should have done or said.

Was it something I said?

So I would re-hash conversations over and over again in my head. For FEAR of losing the love of my life, I used to end up apologizing for something that was NOT my fault, and that I did NOT cause or create.

In fact, often I did not even know WHY or WHAT I was apologizing for, but I did it anyway because I did not want to lose him.

Then I started to see a side of him that created so much confusion for me.

With no valid reason, he started distancing himself from me, failing to keep arrangements that we had made, he seemed distracted and would make excuses.

When I tried to establish what was going on and told him I felt we needed to talk about things, he quickly distracted me by sidestepping the questions. (Narcs are brilliant at dodging questions that they do not want to answer, or in fact, cannot answer, on important issues that affect you).

One time after probing, he admitted that he had changed towards me, but offered no explanation or a valid reason why.

He made me feel like I was going crazy, especially when I caught him out in a lie. In fact he would often say things like, “You are insane!” or, “You are always looking for problems!” or, “If that's the way you feel about it, let's call it a day!” or, “You have no idea what you are talking about!” or, “Don't you trust me?!”.

Narcs are very subtle liars – they simply omit information and say things like, “You took it out of context” or, “I never said that.”

A few more classic examples are, “You read into everything I say and hear things that are not even there” or, “The reason I never told you the truth is because you always react just like this.”

One of my best was, “But I told you,” when we BOTH know he never did!

“He made me feel like I was insane and was suffering from short-term memory loss”

So yes, he made me feel like I was insane and was suffering from short term memory loss, and all this made me paranoid, distrustful of him, insecure, sad, out of control, fearful, drained, lethargic and vulnerable.

AWFUL feelings to have, especially since I was never normally like that.

He just became a LOT of hard work and was high maintenance – I felt that he was not putting any effort into the relationship and that I had to do all the hard work to keep us together.

The only thing I was 100% sure of during this devaluing stage, was that I loved him even more, (now that is insane, isn't it?).

And so I carried on like this, even though there were so many unanswered questions and concerns I had.

Deep down I KNEW things were not right – but I could not put my finger on the exact problem, though. He created smoke screens, and I so wanted to trust him.

So I kept trying to “behave” and in the process I neglected my job, never met up with friends much, refused to go out at night in case he made contact with me – my personality changed, (I became an introvert).

And worst of all, I became complacent.

It was okay to be ignored, it was okay for me to do things I would never normally do, (even sexually), it was okay for him not to call or to go out of his way for me, or it was okay for him to disappear from time to time, it was okay for him to forget my birthday.

I also made up excuses for him in my mind to make myself feel better. I lied to myself that it was not his fault or that he has so much to deal with or that he has lots of stress.

The bottom line here is that he conditioned me to accept his bad behavior, and not to question him or show how upset it made me that he did this to me – because he was NORMAL and I was the INSANE one with unreasonable demands.

So I ended up turning a blind eye and pretty much suffered alone.

I allowed my boundaries to be bent – I allowed him to overstep the line.

He once said to me, “Why do you allow me to abuse you? Would you take this crap from anyone else?” To which I answered, “No I wouldn't, and it's because I understand you and love you.”

I was his perfect supply.

What I found was that as long as I was submissive, made his life fun, praised him and gave him ALL the attention without expecting or demanding anything in return, things went well.

The moment I started to express my dislike of something, disagreed with him or if I expressed my own opinion that may not have coincided with his, I became a THREAT to his perfect world of control.

Jules-Cyrille Cavé [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

The Break-Up – Dealing With The Aftermath

That's when he went “cold” on me, giving me the silent treatment.

I was cut off and abandoned, (he ran away – disappeared) – which is the only way a Narc knows how to deal with this, and also his way of punishing you for non-compliance.

With a Narc, it's all about HIM, HIS day, HIS life, HIS ambitions, what HE is doing or going to do. He feels he is entitled to constant attention without having to invest anything more into the relationship other than the initial time it took him to “suck you in.”

Why?

Because that's what he wants, that's what he expects.

He is incapable of love

“He was looking for unconditional love, but was totally incapable of giving it back in return”

And the worst thing is that you have to tolerate his indiscretions and his unacceptable behavior.

Of course, this is an unrealistic game to play in the REAL world, and I started to realize that that was all it was to him – a GAME.

To add to the confusion, he would come back days or weeks or months after having disappeared telling me he loved me.

He did say, “I will always come back because I just can't stay away from you,” but I figured out that it is NOT the kind of love NORMAL people are familiar with.

He was looking for unconditional love but was totally incapable of giving it back in return. He wanted HIS needs met but didn't give a damn about what I needed. He loved the way I made him feel, and he loved the way he made me feel – desperate and needy and stupid because that puts him in CONTROL.

So you may be asking: “Are you telling me he never loved you and never had any real feelings for you?”

Yes, of course, he had real feelings for me, but they sure as hell were NOT love.

After my research on Narcissists, I learned that they only love to the extent that they are ABLE to love.

I say this because love does not USE people, love does not ABUSE people, love does not DEVALUE people and love does not DISCARD or ABANDON people and toss them to the side like rubbish.

Love does not use people

I, (the dumpee), was devastated and emotionally I had been reduced to a mere “zombie” of my former self.

I immediately started researching everything and anything on “relationships,” “men who just disappear,” “booty calls,” “will he come back to me,” “no contact,” “how long would I have to wait,” “what must I do,” etc.

Every day I learned something new – but the articles, although very valuable and informative, just didn't quite fit his profile and/or our situation in its entirety.

Click here to read part two: My Life With A Narcissist – What I've Learned

  • I have learned from dealing with these types of people is to look at what my hooks are and recognize behaviors in others that will trigger my emotions and cause me to be hooked into a unhealthy relationship….

    Men who appear to be warm, sensitive, caring, thoughtful, attentive, charming, and romantic.

    What woman would not be drawn to this type of man?? There is nothing wrong with these types of traits, but a personality disordered individual will feign having these traits in order to manipulate emotionally needy women.

    Red flags (emotional manipulation tactics);

    1. Promises to always love you.

    2. They barely know you, but tell you how, wonderful, special, sexy (etc.,) you are and that they have never met anyone like you before. (we don’t need a man to tell us that, we already know how wonderful we are)

    3. Blowing hot and cold (they come on strong during their “hot” phase when they are trying to lure you in, and start blowing cold after you have become emotionally attached).

    4. They contact you when it is convenient for them. When you ask to spend more time together, they manage down your expectations by telling you that you are too needy, or they’re too busy (if a man truly cares about you, he will never be too busy to spend time with you).

    5. You meet them online and they romance you only via the Internet (Keyboard Romeos). If a man really cares about you, he will move heaven and earth to be with you!)

    6. They tell you that they are “training” you, or that they want to “break down” your defenses (you are a challenge and they are playing a sick game to win you over in order to boost their egos)

    The best defense is a good offense. We have to learn to love ourselves before we can truly have a healthy relationship with someone else. Recognize the signs of manipulative behavior, and RUN FORREST RUN!! Do NOT engage the enemy–do not explain, seek to understand, hang in there hoping things will go back to the good old days when psycho man/woman was so wonderful–it was all an act!! When you encounter this type of person, visualize Whoopi Goldberg’s character warning Demi Moore’s character in the movie, “Ghost:”

    “Molly, you in danger girl!”

    • Arun Kumar says:

      Dear Gina,

      AM I ALSO A NARC. My ex left saying that I didn’t gave her enough time, didn’t called her often and messaged her. Yes’ its right. You have also written in your comments that “(if a man truly cares about you, he will never be too busy to spend time with you).” “If a man really cares about you, he will move heaven and earth to be with you!)” Yes, I called her seldom, went to meet her on some days only. (She would always want to be hold my hands, but I am so shy, I didn’t allow her). But that didn’t mean I didn’t love her. I studied hard so as get a good job and marry her. Once she would have told me on my face I would have changed myself, instead she found some else to love her. Some days I would meet her and somedays when I didn’t she would go with this other person. Is this a reason to leave. I made a mistake but a chance should have been given to me to change myself.

      • Hello Arun,

        It sounds like you and your ex were unequally yoked. She craved and needed more love and affection than you were able to give her. as a result, she was not happy and you two were not compatible. Incompatibility does NOT lead to a happy marriage. With that said, I do not feel that it was right for her to cheat on you if her needs were not being met. The best thing to do is allow yourself time to grieve and move on. As to whether she should have given you a second chance or not, only she can answer that question. I can only suggest that you use what you have learned from that relationship to enable you to become a better boyfriend/husband for the next.

    • You made two points:- Keyboard Romeos/break you down. Blimey just like the man I knew who reduced me to scraping along on my knees.

      I so hope Karma does exist lol

  • Arun Kumar says:

    Dear Friends,

    I think all cheaters and betrayers are narcs. How easy it is for them to break a relationship after so many years of living together.

  • Arun Kumar says:

    Dear Eddie,

    Can these actions be also of narc:-(Actions of my ex while we were together and after she cheated).

    1. Changing partners every year after “honey phase”.
    2. Easily forgetting their past partners without a feel of guilt.
    3. Even after they leave their partner they deny they cheated on them.
    4. Their love is based on face and not emotions, the more you are handsome or beautiful the more they love you.
    5. They are very reluctant to tell truth even if their new partner knows about their past relationships, they will deny it, even they can dump their new partner but will not tell the truth in anyway.
    6. Until the “honeymoon phase” they are very emotional.

    My ex left me for another guy before me she had dumped another guy for me. This article is about male narcs do female narcs do the same thing.

  • Thanks Marce & Eddie, very informative. I too lived with a Narc who mirrored all what was said in your article. Hit all the dot points. I can see clearly how damaging the effects of a Narc can cause and the sickness to personal well-being and state of mind. How Marcie felt like a zombie, just existing and numb. Though its been over 2 years after since my breakdown and I have thankfully moved on, but be damned if I ever hook up with another Narc, fully aware of their self-centredness and destruction. Best to stay clear, aye. Again thanks for the leg up. Cheers.

  • Victim no more Victoria says:

    Sometimes I wonder if diseases and ailments come from being unhappy. If that is the case. I’m glad I’m rid of the Narc!

    By reading all these posts- I can tell that each one of you are bright, beautiful, and compassionate! We should not let anyone treat us less than what we derserve. We should be honored not disgraced. Perhaps to help all of us move on, is to accept that we let the Narc into our world because there was something missing in us. I truly believe if we get stronger, and fix our broken pieces, will not go back to a Narc, nor attract any more Narcs. We will be stronger and more confident to attract the right honeybees:). STAY STRONG….

  • How sad I am to read a description of what happened to me not once but twice and others too.

    Yes , my spirit is broken at the moment but soon i will be able to get up again and never let this happen to me again. Im tired at the moment. I apologise . I hope you can join me one day too.

    .

  • I have written on here before but not on this subject. My story goes like this. When I was 44 I joined a dating site online. I got talking to this chap. For 2 years we spoke by phone, on msn. He would ring me nearly everyday at or around the same time. In the beginning I was strong and suggested we ought to meet. The day of the meeting drew nearer and then he cancelled citing he had to go and visit his Mother abroad who was ill. Ironic really as my cousin was ill as well and she needed to go into hospital … I think he picked up on my tales and used them to concoct his story. He returned to UK some time later and resumed contact with me. I recall him saying to me he was going to ‘crack me’ I took this to mean to get me to like him. I was quite feisty at that time.

    We continued to speak but when I challenged him to meet me he said he has made many mistakes before in his life, he has had two marriages and he would rather get to know the person before entering into a relationship. He told me he wanted a friend first and to see where it would go and did I understand this. I stupidly said yes because by this time I was emotionally attached. I remember one valentines day he sent me red roses with a card inside and it said ‘see you soon’. When I rang him to thank him for the roses his phone was switched off. Later he told me he was out with friends. Well who spends Valentines Day with ‘friends?’ He would overstep the boundaries when speaking to me calling me gorgeous, sweetie and repeatedly told me I was special. He said even if I was a ‘fat lump’ he knows he would like me when we did finally meet. We had a very intimate emotional relationship but all by phone.

    Time went on and I grew increasingly frustrated at his reluctance to meet. I confronted him many times but he would then withdraw and stop calling. I would always make contact again, apologise for my behaviour even tho I felt like I was backing down. He made me feel I was wrong to insist on meeting so early in our friendhip. In the end I modified my thoughts and I remember saying to myself I must stop focussing on wanting to meet him and instead enjoy our conversations on the phone I remember thinking that if I shift the focus away from meeting and give him space he will feel less pressurised and perhaps then he will meet me. Well this did work and we met. He asked to see me again, we made plans and then he cancelled again and stopped calling for 6 months. It took me to make contact again for him to tell me he didn’t want to hurt me and that I ought to find somebody who can make me happy. It turned out that just because I did not snog him on our first date he did not feel I liked him!! He also said that he had stopped calling because in al the time he spoke to me he felt I kept throwing stones and so he felt I would be better off finding somebody who could give me what I want. Well as I told him all I had ever wanted from the beginning was to meet him like normal people do. He replied ‘but I told you I wanted a friend first and the see where it leads didn’t I’. It was all on his terms.

    We did meet for a second time but by this time I was a bag on nerves. I instigated this meeting I told him I was coming to meet him. The day started off so well but by the end of it I collapsed emotionally. I shut down. 3 years of contact, then no contact, me backing down, me being told I had problems, took its toll. I told him I loved him and I so truly did. I would have married him. He told me he could not have a relationship with me at the end of our second date despite telling me earlier on in the evening we was going to Barcelona shortly. My heart was broken.

    I do not know how I got through the following months. We had no contact and I missed him so much. Sometime my phone would ring and when I picked it up nobody would answer (he would do this to me during our periods of non communication during our ‘relationship’). He used to tell me he loved talking to me as I was different to that he has been used to and that if we did not speak at least once during the day he would feel weird). I hit rock bottom. I took antidepressants for 3 months and I went to see a counsellor. What makes it hard for me Is that ours was not a conventional relationship in the physical sense and that leaves me feeling silly that I fell in love with him when in reality apart from our two meets and a lot of kissing and cuddling on our second date we did not spend any real time together. Now when I sit and recollect I realise I was groomed by this individual. He dated other women and I feel I was kept in reserve; he knew he liked me but wanted to explore all options before making a decision with me as I was not of his class or belongining to the professional class of person he usually dates eg Doctors, Solicitors etc. He is a businessman and I work for the healthcare profession.

    Three years down the line. Two years ago he contacted me just to ‘see how you are’. It was so painful. He did not understand why I was so hurt still. He said he wanted a woman who did not have issues like I had. I finally told him not to contact me in a text I sent him. It hurts and at New Year I sent him a email wishing him a happy new year He replied saying what a lovely Christmas he enjoyed. I again apologised for telling him not to contact m – backing down again and he replied never mind it is just one of those things, it was not meant to be.

    So 3 years plus down the line here I am. Not quite the person I was but I am healing nicely. I have put on weight through comfort eating but I am at last beginning to take pride again in how I look and am due to begin a new job. Have I dated since. Well yes but only briefly because my ex was still in my heart. He will probably be in my heart for quite some time but the pain has gone now and the anger and feeling of being treated unfairly has all but gone. I have begun looking forward to my future again and more importantly I realise I was groomed by a online narcissist.

  • I read this article and it really hit home. I was with a narcissist for 2 years and everything was almost exactly the same as Marce described. She would always be more worried about her day, her story, her plans and nothing else. If I tried to introduce a variable she would get so upset that she would make it her goal to ruin my whole day. I was psychologically and emotionally drained. She became super high maintenance and to be honest I would do almost anything to keep her happy. I am on day 5 of no contact but for the past month I have seen her behavior patterns now that we are not together. She would continue to ask me for financial support after we split with the possibility of getting back together which was a lie. I am glad I am not with her anymore and extremely grateful that we didn’t start a family as we have planned.

    • Even though it hurts, I’m glad you got out of that relationship JC. How dare she ask you for financial support after you guys had broken up, what a user!!!

      • Yes that is true. I gave in a couple of times since I was brainwashed but after I was able to open my eyes I said no more. She became erratic and told me I could forget about working on our relationship sometime in the future. Honestly I don’t care anymore since I rather be on my own that with a person that only cares about themselves.

  • Wow….thanks Eddie for asking Marce to write this. Very enlightening because there was one question I couldn’t figure out….was it something I did or said that caused my narcissistic ex to start distancing himself?……and the answer may be when I called him out on one of his self-centered behaviors that was unfair to me and crazy, it may have started the beginning of the end which is fine by me. I am proud of myself for speaking up. If he didn’t like it, too bad. They want to live in their illusionary world where they can do whatever they want. I don’t want to live in his crazy world. I want to be treated with kindness. I am worth a lot. Thanks Marce for finally helping me to fit the pieces of the puzzle together and get closure. I am so happy to start my new life without him. 🙂

  • i was with a narc for 7 years, he dumped me and badmouthed about me, blocked me on fb now that i am moving on, he has unblocked me…..he caused me so much pain

  • Hi
    I am thankful for this article. I was in roller coaster relationship with a Nar. He made me feel everything is my fault=and that if I was more accomodating,less demanding,more pleasant. I tried my best. Yet my best was never enough to make him happy. He was always complaining that everything is my fault. He has physically and emotionally abused me do many times and I always gelt I was wrong to trigger him. I had so much regrets that If only I was better we could still be together.
    he dumped me and married another girl out of the blue. Said he found the One..and said she is way better than me..she is not demanding at all,very appretiative oh him and is on his beck and call.
    instead of feeling angry,again I felt sad why I wasnt her…why am I not the happy wife?but the jilted lover.

    after reading this article and readers comments,I realised I have made a narrow escape. My life would have been hell if I am the wife….

  • “After my research on Narcissists, I learned that they only love to the extent that they are ABLE to love.

    I say this because love does not USE people, love does not ABUSE people, love does not DEVALUE people and love does not DISCARD or ABANDON people and toss them to the side like rubbish.”

    This really resonated with me…. I am going through a break up with someone who is not only a narcissist, but also an abuser. A very difficult situation that I am now beginning to understand after reading and just informing myself. Love does not abuse, devalue or abandon……

  • Hi Marce,
    I just want to say that I feel like your words above were coming right out of my own mouth. I got chills reading it. I went through practically the same experience. How you described your ex sounds exactly like my ex. I even wondered a few times if it is the same person. Your own feelings mirrored my own a few months ago. The confusion of trying to figure out what you did wrong when you really didnt do anything except have an opinion that differed from his and then fearing the distance and disappearring acts that would follow. Ugh. I know that so well. It was like I was always wishing things would go back to how they used to be like in the beginning… But they never did. I would have jumped through hoops toward the end of the relationship. In the beginning, though, it was like I was so charmed by how much he would do for me. He was wonderful in the beginning. I just was always hoping and hoping he would be nice again. Not really.

    I eventually ended it for good. Let me just say, Marce, I do believe your ex WILL come back. They always do. They even tell us they will. Just be prepared. Don’t waste your time when he does. You seem very smart, and I doubt you will. I also really doubt he has done any work to change himself because truly he won’t ever think he did anything wrong. The first step to change one’s self is to admit there is a problem. No one is perfect, but these people are blind to their own faults. It took me a long time to realize that my ex would never change and realize his treatment to me was wrong. Each time we got back together things got worse, especially for me. I have been in counselling now for over a year. It has helped a great deal. I even went to counselling when we were together because he started telling me all my thoughts were wrong. I was SO confused. I have come a long way, but still have a way to go. Peace. Be good to yourselves.

  • I just ended an 8 year realtionship like this. Very very difficult. I am still deeply in love with him. I saw the little boy inside, hiding behind his narcissisum. I think that is who I fell in love with. Our sixty day no contact was over this past tuesday. I still feel stuck. Stronger, but still stuck. Only time will be my true friend in all this. Thanks for sharing your story.

  • katherine says:

    This article really gave me goosebumps because I can relate to everything that is written on it. It gave so many revelations and at the same time this serves as an eye opener to me on why I became so hooked to my Ex where he’s nothing but a narcissist. After reading this, I made a research of my own on how a person can be narcs and it alarmed me because this type of person will only give harm to other people most especially for women like me who was also a victim. I’m looking forward to read the part 2 of this article because for sure it will help me to finally get over of my Ex. Thank you Eddie and Kudos to you Marce because you are so brave to share this to us. God bless. 🙂

  • I really liked reading this article and knowing I am not the only one going through this. not only is my ex a narcissist but he’s also bipolar and has personality disorders, it’s always been about him, when he wants things and it’s always in his time. we’ve been broken up for almost three months but he still has me wrapped around his finger. he disappears for days and never calls unless he wants something. I just don’t know how to let go, and he even tells me to let go but then he doesn’t want me seeing anybody else. it’s such a terrible relationship, I’m never happy because all I want is to spend time with him but he always has better things to do. in the sucking in stage, he called me constantly and always wanted to spend time with me. now if im lucky I get twenty mins a week with him. I feel like it’s going to take a miracle for me to let go!

  • This article rings truths for me…but I left.
    He says I abandoned him…I felt I was dying on the inside .

    Am I the narc ? The way I left ?

    • Fuzzy, I left the relationship with the narc myself. Please read more. Yes, you feel like you are dying inside. They manipulate you where you are yearning for this sick “fix” much like a gambler. They confuse you, so you question almost everything about yourself, including your decision-making abilities. Please continue to read. Educating yourself will help you to heal. <3

  • Omg in this article you have just described the guy iv been in love with and trying to break up with for the past 2 years. It’s such a relief to hear someone else saying what I have thought for a long time. All the time being told I’m mad or iv imagined it. To shut up when I have an opinion or view that doesn’t agree with his point if view. That its my fault he gets angry. Thank you for telling yr story . It’s really helped me. X

  • Victim no more Victoria says:

    First I would like to Thank Eddie for forwarding me this link! Thanks Mace as well!

    I would add gifts, intro to his family and best friend as the narcissist seduction tool to get you hooked . In addition to the charm and compliments I got:

    Gifts to name a few- I a car, expensive Apple products, camera, pre engagement trip to Paris, and a proposal at the lourve. I thought God had sent me an angel ! I was so happy, yet, each time I felt closest to him, he would mentality stab my heart and mind.
    Very confusing – the Dr jerkil/Mr Hyde- – when I conforted him on his behavior – major flirt, keep cellphone on silent, and devauling behaviors . He would break off the engagement. I took him back 3 times, for he would come back crying and saying he loved me and could not be apart. I wanted our relationship to work so bad- I had hope.

    Yes, it’s very hard getting over them for they create an illusion that you were the problem. He even told me that I had a trust problem and I should promise him that ill trust more in my next relationship. He went on to tell me about his new beautiful lady in his life. Yes, double whammy!

    Nar relationships are the hardest to get over. it seems to hit women in their 40-60, the hardest.

    I think we stay for the pool of elgibles are few in between- plus the excitement of a Nar personality is addictive . ;they are often intelligent , attractive, and fun! Plus initamacy is off the charts.

    However, what they give is NOT WORTH OUR SANITY! I liken it to selling our soul to the devil .

    No contact is the best way to get pass the horror, and gain strength from God.

    In addition, what helped me is :

    My favorite web site is saferelationships.com- they approach the condition from a psycholical/pathology aspect. I needed to know the science behind it.

  • my ex girl friend was narc….thanks a lot for this story …i cant express how thankful i am…my gal she calls me one day and she says she never loved me ….lol…i was shocked…but the same day i deleted from fb and never called her again in my life …its been 10 months,but i am ok, i know that i can live with strength and without guilty….she knew even before we met she loved me….she had been constantly testing me…always gave codes of expressing love…coming out with me and stuff….i did give her everything and was always concerned about her…you know what really happens when u pair up with narcs or ppl who say lets be friends is they understand we are needy and we constantly keep fighting to get their approval,but those ppl will leave u no matter what…u jus hav to let them go…..because in life of 100 years trust me u will surely find a lovely caring person whos looking for better love….even today i miss her and i feel it was my mistake at times but i hav always been caring,thanks for article i get outline of what character she got…lol she will hav hard time soon …,hehe,thank god em alone 😛

  • >