The Personal Nightmare

It happened in 1998: When my Ex broke up with me, we were about to get married.  It was like the whole world as I knew it collapsed. I couldn’t function properly for weeks. It was as though someone had stolen something vitally important for survival from me – something that I could not exist without.

I couldn’t stand the pain or the thought that she wasn’t by my side anymore. I made her the center of my life and now that she was gone, what was left to live for?

I had no perspective, no joy in life – all the things I once liked to do stopped being attractive. I had no interest in the other sex whatsoever. In fact, I had no interest in doing anything besides lying around or sleeping. And sleeping lost its benefits due to extremely painful dreams that renewed the initial pain each time I went to sleep.  (Check my newsletter for how to deal with those dreams).

Luckily for me, I intuitively felt the necessity for No-Contact -a rule which I broke only once after one month.

Breaking this No-Contact rule was terrible and extremely painful – to talk to that stranger who was my great love once upon a time. The pain was much worse after this, and I needed several weeks to reach the level I was at before the No-Contact break.

This existence, if you could call it such, lasted for 6 months.

Recovery Finally Started

Then suddenly it got better. I clearly felt an improvement in my overall state.

What happened?

I made a decision.

Standing at a crossroads, I made the decision whether to go left or right.

Turning left meant to continue with this pathetic existence without joy and perspective – an existence that equals death. Turning right meant to change, and eventually head towards a new and better life.

I consciously took that step into change. I decided that I couldn’t go on like this. All of that meant: accepting the fact that it was over and letting go.

Man that felt good! I felt an instant release.

Yes, it meant accepting that she would never come back.  Yes, it meant saying goodbye to that golden future together that I had painted so well in my mind.  Yes, it meant standing up and taking back what was mine – even if it meant that I had to kick myself every day.

While this day marked a milestone in my recovery journey, the way that followed was still a long, rocky road.

The Painful Road Ahead

I had to go through all the painful phases – through the depression, the missing, the anger, the lonely nights where I wondered if she slept alone, the guilt, the endless times I checked e-mails, mailboxes, picked up the phone and hung up again.

It was like two steps forward, one step back.

The next few months were very difficult. I had one especially bad problem: I was constantly rethinking and reliving the past, and every time I tried to block my thoughts, I would feel guilty. As if not thinking about her was some kind of betrayal.

It was impossible to let go while I kept her alive in my mind.

So I decided to approach this problem a different way.

The Secret Of Mind-Control

I remember that I visited some friends, (the first time I had gone out to meet someone), and I forced myself to NOT think about her for one hour.

Only for one hour.

What now seems almost laughable was nearly impossible to carry out back then. I committed to not beat myself up or feel guilty if I didn’t make it the hour.

But it worked. I made it – one hour without thinking about my Ex.

This was a real victory.

With time I expanded the time frame more and more. Additionally, I learned some mind-control techniques, like meditation and yoga.

The less I was thinking about her, the more I was able to let go.