How does it feel to look at the picture above?
Do you identify with it?
Are you, too, waiting for your Ex to come back? Consciously or even unconsciously?
Are you self-sabotaging your efforts to get over them?
Can’t move on, can't live with them but can't live without them — obsessing over them 24/7?
If that’s the case, then you are not alone.
Ever since I’ve started helping people put their past behind them after a breakup or divorce, I’ve seen them get caught up in the same traps.
But the tragic thing is that it’s NOT your fault.
You’ve been misled and conditioned to feel that way.
I’ve been fighting this misconception as a relationship coach for over 12 years now, and I want to show you a new, better way to deal with your breakup.
A way that might seem counterintuitive to you.
What I’m about to show you might go against everything you’ve been taught to think AFTER a breakup.
It's something that might be hard to understand and accept.
So please read this very carefully.
WARNING: This might be the most important page you’ll read, but it’s NOT for everyone.
Please STOP reading if you are:
- … convinced that getting your Ex back ASAP is the ultimate solution.
- … younger than 21 — believe me, this is NOT for you.
- … not interested in lasting change but looking for a “quick fix.”
If you fall into one of these categories, please stop reading now and come back later when you are ready! I’ll be here for you!
Get Them Back … or NOT?
Please ask yourself, What do I fear most?
No, really, think about it: What do you fear most after your breakup?
Is it that your Ex never comes back?
Is it that things would be awkward if they did?
Or is it that you’ll end up being alone forever?
I’ll take a wild guess and say that it’s at least one of these three.
Why do you think that is?
I suppose you’ve tried to actively get them back; maybe you've made all the mistakes in the book, but it hasn’t gotten you anywhere.
All that’s left is this unbearable loneliness and an unthinkable truth that starts to take shape … a truth that you’ve been fighting so hard to even let near you:
He or she might not come back.
I know that this is painful to read, let alone accept, but please stay with me for a minute, okay? Let’s think about this together …
I mean, what IF they don’t come back?
What if in spite of all your efforts, your pleading, telling them you love them a thousand times, maybe even stalking them, trying to be their friend … they still don’t come back?
How would that affect your life?
Society and the internet (not to speak of close friends) have conditioned you to not give up on love.
And why would you?
Isn’t love the purest thing in the world, giving you strength and a reason to live?
Don't all romantic movies tell you that love conquers all? Every broken-up couple finds together again, regardless of the hardship and the obvious “you are simply not meant for each other” truth.
And how often is it that we find real love? And how scary is it to go out there again?
Do a search on the internet about how to get over a breakup, and all you find are “ways to get your Ex back.” Maybe you have already fallen prey to sneaky marketers who sell you the idea …
The idea that everything can be again as it was before.
All of this creates a discrepancy between what you feel in your gut and what everybody is telling you to do.
But there’s a catch.
What if — and please don’t freak out — what IF your Ex isn’t the right partner for you?
What if the love you feel is for the wrong person?
What if your Ex is not the right fit for you? What if there’s a way better match still out there … waiting to be found?
I know, I know. Finding new love might be the furthest thing on your mind right now, and that’s okay, but think about this for a second:
What would it mean for your situation right now — for your hopes, your efforts to get them back, get over them, move on — IF your Ex wasn’t the right person for you anyway?
Food for thought.
Linda – A Case Study:
Linda was in an on-and-off relationship with her Ex for nearly four years. Every breakup was followed by a severe depression, where Linda would try to get him back desperately.
Each time they got back together again, decided that they would give it another shot, they would be in a euphoria kind of state, as if they had taken a break from desperation and pain.
But every single time, reality would catch up to them: when the euphoria subsided, they had to face all the problems that were still there. When the feeling that they belonged together wore out again, the day-to-day relationship issues would return.
And after four terrible years and many breakups and reconciliations, they were forced to face an undeniable truth:
They were incompatible all along.
Studies conducted on this matter don’t give reconciliation good chances of success and found that the vast percentage of those who get back together again break up within a short amount of time.
A professor of family studies at Kansas State University even states:
“But in real life, as much as it hurts, maybe there are relationships that are better off left as memories.”
Why am I telling you this?
To depress you? To discourage you?
No … I am merely trying to save you from wasting years of your life with the wrong partner. I’ve seen it too many times. The truth is:
Some love is better off left as a memory.
But What Is the Solution?
I’m glad you asked … I’m going to tell you a solution, as promised, but I’m not sure you’re going to like it.
BUT you don’t need to like it as long it’s the best thing that will move you further in your life right now, right?
In the next part, you will read what the best course of action is for you right now and WHY the main problem might not really be your Ex … but something else.