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No-Contact Help: How To Fight The Urge To Contact Your Ex – Part 2

Due to the fact that the original article had over 2800 comments, the page loads painfully slow. There’s nothing I can do about it. Sorry.

So, why not continue the discussion fresh and new under this thread?

Same as before:

  • Post your No-Contact Count (in days)
  • Say everything you want to your Ex, get it out of the system

I also want to use this opportunity to thank all of you who read the initial article and posted their stories and especially those who stepped in helped and answered all the questions from other readers when I couldn’t due to lack of time (especially to Darren, thank you).

Thank you so much, you really make a difference.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

EDIT 04-16-2011: I had to close this comment thread, over 3600!!! comments caused the page to load extremely slow, please continue posting here: No-Contact Help: How To Fight The Urge To Contact Your Ex – Part 3

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3,152 Responses to No-Contact Help: How To Fight The Urge To Contact Your Ex – Part 2

  1. Anonymous April 15, 2011 at 1:43 am #

    I just want to give a shoutout to everyone posting here! I know that you all know its not easy – but everyone is trying and struggling. I never thought I was going to get out of the dark place I was in just a few weeks ago. But this past week something wonderful happened – I started feeling better. I started feeling more like myself, making jokes w/ friends, being my normal somewhat pushy self at a work meeting, and have gone 2 whole days without crying. I wouldn’t be where I was w/o really embracing NC. Everyone stick with it – you will start to feel better! When people told me this I wanted to strangle them – and tell them ” You have no idea what I’m going through, how can I ever feel better?” But I’m slowing coming out the other side and I can tell everyone that it does get better. Some of the regular posters will know how I struggled with insecurities, memories, anxieties, and depression. And those things are not completely gone – but I’m handling everything better and taking things in stride. It’s hard work but you are all doing it for the best reason in the world: YOURSELF!!

    • Greg April 15, 2011 at 3:55 am #

      JJ836, i can really relate to what your saying here. While at first i didn’t see how id make it through the first week, its been a month now of NC and I’ve actually started to forget (just a bit). There are still bad days here and there, and admittedly, i still cry when i wake up alone in this apartment. But it does get change, and it only does if you put the effort into believing it will. Friends and family told me time heals, but trust me, sitting around waiting for those feelings to go away wont get you anywhere.
      Get busy, talk to anyone who will listen, work through it mentally and learn to accept the reality of your individual situation. Most importantly, learn as i did, LET IT OUT, especially to these people, because were all going through the same thing, and its important to know your not alone.

    • teeenybubbles April 15, 2011 at 5:41 am #

      Good job JJ! Glad you are feeling better.

    • Anonymous April 15, 2011 at 9:39 am #

      BIG HUGS! Congrats babe! I knew you’d feel better soon. I am so very happy to hear these from you.

      “It’s hard work but you are all doing it for the best reason in the world: YOURSELF!!” – YESSSS!!!

      Love ya sister dearest. Wish we could meet and celebrate our victories! =D

    • GreatAmericanSharpshooter April 15, 2011 at 9:40 am #

      Glad you are coming out of the other side. Gives us all hope!
      I hate trying to act all happy and normal at work as well as with my friends. I want be ‘BE’ happy and normal!
      I look forward coming out of the other side like you are, so I can be me again 🙂

    • Anonymous April 15, 2011 at 7:32 pm #

      I’m glad you’re feeling better. You give us all hope. Let’s all make our own success stories.

  2. Anonymous April 15, 2011 at 1:43 am #

    I just want to give a shoutout to everyone posting here! I know that you all know its not easy – but everyone is trying and struggling. I never thought I was going to get out of the dark place I was in just a few weeks ago. But this past week something wonderful happened – I started feeling better. I started feeling more like myself, making jokes w/ friends, being my normal somewhat pushy self at a work meeting, and have gone 2 whole days without crying. I wouldn’t be where I was w/o really embracing NC. Everyone stick with it – you will start to feel better! When people told me this I wanted to strangle them – and tell them ” You have no idea what I’m going through, how can I ever feel better?” But I’m slowing coming out the other side and I can tell everyone that it does get better. Some of the regular posters will know how I struggled with insecurities, memories, anxieties, and depression. And those things are not completely gone – but I’m handling everything better and taking things in stride. It’s hard work but you are all doing it for the best reason in the world: YOURSELF!!

  3. StarOfHope April 15, 2011 at 8:54 am #

    it was my first love and first relationship. And its very hard to believe that “i will be better” or “time heals all wounds”…it was his first relationship too, but it seems he moved on easily with this new girl…

    I wasnt that successful with dating.. when i was with that other guy, I had to think so much of my ex that i ended it after some weeks. So how can he let go and move on …just like that?

    How could he replace me so quickly? When some weeks ago he called me and told me there is no other girl in his life..?

    It’s so hard for me not thinking of him being happy with someone else, having fun, being intimate…
    I feel so lonely and betrayed. I wish he would have missed me like I miss him…

    I sucessfully avoided facebook for 2 months, but then i felt so lonely that i had to see his profile … I hope this time i will stay away for good. I want to heal…

    How can i ever get over him? How can time heal wounds, when i feel lonelier every day?

    • Anonymous April 15, 2011 at 9:36 am #

      Hi SH. My story is the same. First everything. And then 5.5 yrs he moves on with someone else.

      For us to be able to move on, and I know it’s not easy, is to stop asking “why”, “how” and focus on the truth that remains – he left and has moved on. Remind yourself of the truth every times the whys and hows pop up.

      Yah, dates didn’t work for me either. I accept that my heart needs time. What works is strictly avoiding memories. What works is simply affirming in my head that I’m feeling better. What works is being proactive while time passes – focus on physical well-being, indulge in /make new hobbies, career, education, really thinking of making improvements in all spheres of your life.

      Just passing time alone can’t help. It’s been over 3 months for me. And I won’t say I’m all fixed. But I’m in better place than where I was on day 1, which takes a lot of work.

      If you sit and do nothing except allowing memories to take over, know that you are delaying the healing process. It’s not that after a certain period of time has passed and you’ll wake up and find that you are not feeling the pain. That day will come – IT WILL, I promise – but you have do your part.

      It needs work everyday. Even after 3 months I won’t say that the memories, or that the whys and hows don’t get to me. They do if I allow them. So I won’t say I’m all positive, optimist, happy, spontaneous at all times after 3 months. BUT. I know I’m getting there.

      Think positive even if you don’t believe in it. Do positive things for yourself – force yourself if you have to. There really is no alternative than to put yourself first and try, try and try, everyday to do things that make you feel better – you won’t be spoon-fed happiness. All of us here have learned it the hard way.

      Hugs, love and support your way dear. I hope and pray that you feel better soon.

  4. GreatAmericanSharpshooter April 15, 2011 at 10:20 am #

    It’s only day 4 of NC.
    I had a few drinks last night. Had a real urge to text her. But didn’t.
    I wanted to ask her to tell me that she is happy without me.
    As some sort of justification for this awful gut wrenching pain I feel every time I think about her.
    My wrist is red and sore from flicking this elastic band as punishment for thinking about her. You’d think I would learn. I get so mad at myself.

    I don’t want her back. But I still care so much for her.
    Why why why hasn’t she contacted me? I told her not to. So she is doing as I wish. But I still look at my smartphone wondering why is there no IM, email, text, call, nothing..
    My phone used to be constant communication with her by all of the above means. We’d talk all day about everything.
    Now my phone haunts me as it does nothing.
    The occasional text/call from anyone else makes my heart flutter.. hoping it would be something from her. Not that I would respond – I’m determined in maintaining NC. I just want her to be thinking about me I guess?
    Why do I long to hear from her when I’ve accepted that it’s over and I don’t want her back? Why do I want the justification that what I’m doing is right?

    • Marmite February 1, 2013 at 7:01 pm #

      Hi you are doing so well keep it up.its amazing how strong we can be..in time you will heal laugh make new memories..and remember some one some where is in the same boat.. my ex (bless him) dumped me because I wouldnt open a joint account with him..makes me feel he wanted money not me.. but its his loss I am gonna be fine ….2 days nc ..and im at the angry stage because of the abusive texts..I rang phone company to block him…. silence is golden lol

  5. 1Faith April 15, 2011 at 12:50 pm #

    Dear you,
    The past several years you have spent trying to convince and manipulate me enough to think I am on your level or even below you. But we both know the truth, I am far better than you and deserve much better. That is why you latched yourself onto me from the start. You wanted to easy way and when things got tough you ran like an immature baby. See I actually started to believe the stuff you said and in some ways started to act like that. But thanks to the real people in my life, my friends and family who you never wanted me around, I know the truth. You don’t deserve this and who you are, who you really are now and the way you act, I don’t deserve either. I deserve much, much better. Good luck sticking around my life. It will take something, and someone much better than who you are for me to agree to spend my life.
    See, I do realize all your games now. You do have a great family, that I love. But so do I. They may not treat me and spoil me like your family, but you can’t buy love and they do love me with no end. I have alienated everyone around me and when you walked out to go back to your party life, my life was left in pieces. I have never been a believer in pick up the pieces, something broken will never be as good rebuilt. Just like our relationship will never be great again. But, I do believe in building something new and that is what I am going to do. I will build myself a new great life and something better than we could have ever planned. You lost a great guy, hope the partying and immature life that you criticized everyone else for doing before is worth it. I have been there you know. I was there before I met you, and that life while fun will leave a gaping hole in you. By the time you realize that, I will be long gone and no longer willing to fill that hole for you. I did feel sorry for myself. No longer though. I just feel sorry for the shell of the person you have become.

    Adios!

    To everyone on here. Hope you guys all have a great day! I am going to go to work today and continue to shape myself into who I want to be. I am supposed to go out with her tonight as friends. But, that is only an attempt from her to stay in touch with me. I will continue my NC and continue my great life, no matter how hard it is to lose something that I have spent my last four years yearning for with the deepest thought of my being. As Eddie says if I can want something so wrong that bad, I can not wait to feel how great it will be when I find the right one. I used to always say, today is the first day of the rest of my life. But today isn’t the first day, I have spent several weeks trying to get to this point and I want to cherish those weeks as days that shaped me. So today, may not be my first day, but I think I might make it into the greatest day yet. We can all do it together and all stay strong.

  6. teeenybubbles April 15, 2011 at 3:17 pm #

    Dear you,

    I love you and I miss you… but I can’t keep doing this to myself.

    Take care,
    Me

  7. Dalziel April 15, 2011 at 4:47 pm #

    He called and texted me after nearly 20 days of NC!!!! I maintained NC and i feel so miserable! I wish i could just tell him how much i miss him too and how i want things to be alright… i wish.

    • Madison April 15, 2011 at 9:23 pm #

      Hey Dalz….. try to remember where I am. Back to square 1. You got thru 20 days. But there it is – your resolve- (You “wish”). I note you didn’t say- I will text him back. Sleep on it . Talk it out . Then see how you feel. Bless ya . And Good luck! Madison

  8. Madison April 15, 2011 at 5:03 pm #

    Hi Eliza….from what I hear if someone cheats -the relationship is already in big trouble, and the cheater usually will do it again. As another counselor has said “past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior” So Eliza, read what Eddie has to say. Read what he has to say about getting closure- that you don’t need it, cause you won’t get more than just another piece of glass thru the heart. This guy doesn’t deserve you. You deserve honesty, and loyalty and someone who values those principles. But most importantly you have to value yourself!!! All of here are struggling to regain some sort of dignity in the face of heartache, so keep writing . We’re listening. Madison

  9. Anne Cee April 15, 2011 at 5:22 pm #

    for all of you guys here some of the music I have been listening to that has been helping me, some sad and some empowering are Adele’s 21 cd and Mumford and Sons’ Sigh No More-

    hope some of the tunes in your earbuds will help your heart a bit. xo

  10. Anonymous April 15, 2011 at 6:25 pm #

    Dear You –

    We love you and we’ll always be here for you. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s always a process … we’ll get through it together.

    🙂

  11. Madison April 15, 2011 at 6:35 pm #

    Piteus – how are you??? Madison

  12. teeenybubbles April 15, 2011 at 7:06 pm #

    Dear you – not you you, but you,

    Thanks.

  13. Michael April 15, 2011 at 10:51 pm #

    30 days no contact
    Sarah, what can I say. I still miss us. Last night I came in from offshore and went to our friend’s house… played some darts like the good old days. I saw your name still on the score board. Hattie noticed what I was looking at at I could see the pain in her eyes…. as I’m sure she saw the pain in mine. How could you abandon us all like that. We had such a good thing going on. We had such opportunity with my job. We had our home, our dogs, our friends, our life. I was so good to you, why was our life not enough for you? I care so much about you, and I gave you every chance to better yourself, to do the things you loved, and gave you all the things to take charge of your life and to better us and strengthen us as a life long couple. We all miss you so much. As mad at you as we all are for the things you did, and the decisions you made, we still long for you to be a part of our lives again. We are slowly moving forward, but everyone else has people to move forward with, and I’m sitting in our home alone, looking at the dogs’ footprints in the yard. I’ve removed everything you left behind, but I can’t remove the memories that we shared. I look at the empty mantle place where all our pictures were. I look at the empty spots on the wall, where I can still see the outlines of our captured memories used to hang. even the mailman can see how hurt I am, and wont even deliver your mail here anymore. Everyone is going to the event tomorrow, but I can not. I know you will be there with your new man, and it will be just too hard to see you there. I remember when I used to make signs telling you how big of fans me and the dogs were of yours, and you seemed so happy in those days. What happened? You seemed so happy to have the home so nice for me when I would come home from work, and had nice dinners for us planned. I remember sleeping in with you, and finally getting up to make you a fresh pot of coffee, and sitting up late at night watching our show together. Why did you decide to cheat on me, after how good I was to you? How could you possibly think I deserved that? How could you pretend to be so happy for so long, to only turn around and do what you did, and get engaged just five days after leaving? How can you not miss me and the dogs, after we shared so much, and so much to look forward to? I wonder every day if you miss me. I wonder every day if you regret your choice, and just don’t see a way back to our life.
    I have made some great goals, for me and my future. To learn and better myself through this, but I can’t help but wish that we were still growing together. You quit on us, and our friends. You quit on our dogs. You quit on yourself. I wish you would have still let me be there for you. I miss you so much Sarah. My family misses you. Our friends miss you. Our dogs miss you. This house has become an empty shell. My life has been empty since you’ve been gone. I try to focus all the time, on the opportunity I have to grow from this, and to gain MY life back, but deep inside I still miss you. I wish you could see things from my eyes. I wish you could feel what I’m feeling. I wish you would just come home Sarah. I loved taking care of you, cheering you on, motivating you through life. I loved being the one to have you in my life.
    I wish I could send you this letter, but I know I can’t. I have to let these last feelings go. I need to let go, so I can continue my growth as a person, but I’m afraid once I do that, you will never come back to us. You should never have betrayed us like that, you ruined the great things we shared and the great things we could have accomplished together. You should never have used us for your gain, and then hurt us so bad in the process. I wish there was a way you could know the pain you caused the people that actually loved you.

    • teeenybubbles April 16, 2011 at 12:09 am #

      *hugs* Michael. I’m not very good at comforting, but I offer you my virtual arms and virtual shoulders…

  14. Tor April 16, 2011 at 12:00 am #

    well i did day three it was long.. and i came close to contacting but pulled myself back.. you are all such an inspiration.. and micheal ur pain must be so so hard but just think u have got to day 30 wow x

  15. Eddie Corbano April 16, 2011 at 8:17 am #

    Dear friends,

    As you have noticed, this thread has a painfully slow loading time due to nearly 3600!!! comments. The level of participation is overwhelming and I thank you for your commitment.

    Please continue to post here:

    http://lovesagame.com/no-contact-help-how-to-fight-the-urge-to-contact-your-ex-part-3/

    We have to find a better “No-Contact Help Home” in the future, which can sustain lots of posts.

    If anybody who is experienced in this technical field has an idea what we can do, please shoot me an email.

    I know, a forum seems to be the best choice, but I want to take other possibilities into account.

    Thanks a lot.

    Your friend,
    Eddie