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No-Contact Help: How To Fight The Urge To Contact Your Ex – Part 3

You know the drill.

The second part of the No-Contact Help Thread quickly filled up with nearly 3600 comments!!! so we have to move to another one, because that page takes really long to load.

I am looking to find all “No-Contacters” a permanent home and this should be the last “move”.

Thank you for your understanding.

Until then, same procedure as last time:

  • Post your No-Contact Count (in days)
  • Get the things you want to say out of your system

Again I want to thank all posters who shared their stories and those who helped with words of advice and comfort.

Thank you!

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

12,550 Responses to No-Contact Help: How To Fight The Urge To Contact Your Ex – Part 3

  1. Spencer Cox November 22, 2016 at 9:00 am #

    I’m 19 and my ex girlfriend Allison and I broke up 7 months ago but we have had some contact since. Our last conversation was 81 days ago and we left on a bad note. Please help me. I’m too afraid to even enjoy myself and go to the mall or movie theaters because I’m terrified I’ll see her. The dumb thing is I feel as if she was my soul mate and I’ll never find someone with that connection again, please help me! I’m almost begging at this point.

    • Cosmin Chifan November 23, 2016 at 7:29 pm #

      You will get through this, just read the Eddie’s articles and apply his advises, it will be hard, but it will help you, and you will get better…I been there, don’t stay down, get up and fight for yourself, don’t let the life wind you, you can do it…

    • Lisa December 6, 2016 at 9:32 pm #

      I’m on day 7 of the no-contact rule with my ex and I’m riding the roller coaster of emotions and thoughts. I’ve had many breakups (some difficult beyond words), but the best thing I’ve ever done is initiating the no-contact rule during this one. I made it clear to him when we broke up that it was completely over and that if we happen to run into each other (we both live in a small town), we would just smile, say “hi” and move passed each other. It was gut wrenchingly hard to made those decisions and declarations to him, but they’ve been life savers. It doesn’t minimize the pain, confusion and work I have to do, but it gives me a personal freedom. Every time I go anywhere in town, I feel anxious that we might run into each other, but at least I know EXACTLY what I’m going to do, Even though you may not have said the same to your ex or have the chance to, you could always make the pact with yourself as to what EXACTLY you will do if you run into her and decide beforehand to stick with it. A lot of times after breakups, I’d always tell myself that I’d decide on the spot and go with whatever felt most natural and right for the situation. The only problem with that is that it left me in a constant state of hyper-vigilance to that I could make the most of whatever happened (and not make an idiot of myself). But that always ended up making me feel like I was still tied to him; because I would be reacting to him and not acting according to what I wanted. It was a general loss of empowerment.

      Regarding you feeling that she’s your soulmate; without her, I know it feels like you’re carrying around a thousand pound gorilla of pain. Read Eddie’s articles, read about detachment, read about letting go of the feelings of guilt when your letting go of someone. You have a huge heart that can love a lot and you deserve to be free of this pain.

      I hope some of this helps. I feel for you. You’re not alone. Thank you for sharing what you shared; I don’t feel so alone either.

  2. Lost puppy November 26, 2016 at 10:10 am #

    Dudes, so much pisses me off. I’m mad at myself, I’m mad at my ex. We broke up 2 years ago and stopped seeing each other about a year and a half ago. I was I guess in an obsessed kind of love with him. I was head over heels. He abandon me after I cheated on him because I wasn’t feeling like things were moving forward (I wanted after 3 years to start a life with him as I had just graduated college). When we broke up I already had an alcohol problem. Which just got worse. In the last 1.5 years I got really depressed and fell into the bottle and stopped exercising and eating right. I gained nearly 40 pounds and I am now pissed off about the way I look as I feel my health and youth is going away. Honestly for the first 6 months to a year all I could do was cry and now I am just really really angry. I’m pissed off he wasn’t next to me at the thanksgiving dinner table. Nothing seems worth it really. I still follow his instagram. I even made a fake instagram so I could follow his private account. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. But I can’t tell my family or friends. I feel so closed off and alone.

  3. Kyle December 2, 2016 at 1:14 am #

    Everyone has a sob story right? I was in a bad place with alcohol and being down on myself. In walks this amazing woman right into my life. Instant chemistry. We work together and pretty much walked around each other for a few months before I asked her out. The electricity only grew. We fell in love hard and fast. Problem was, I was too blind to see what I had. I was living in the past. I suffered concussions that impaired my better judgement. It took her leaving me to wake up. She poured everything she had into the relationship. It drained her. I quit drinking and entered therapy. I’m doing a lot better. Well after three weeks of contacting her I went NC and she broke it on day 18. We had the talk. We kissed and it was like nothing changed. We agreed to take it slow. But I messed that up. I wanted more, she wanted less. I just wanted to see her… I pressed too much. For two weeks she was falling in love with me all over again and the way she looked at me made me melt. I pushed her away. I caused unwarranted stress I shouldn’t have. Now she’s not ready for any type of relationship. I think it’s just a defense mechanism because she’s scared of being hurt. She said as much. I know this girl loves me, but the silence just gets to me. I’ve been struggling with NC on and off for a month now. I’m a chronic over thinker and I’m working on that too. I can just tell she will come to me at some point, but I can’t do myself any favors and leave her alone. I miss my best friend.

  4. Milly December 2, 2016 at 9:44 pm #

    Dearest I miss you. I love you. I want you back in my life. I am waiting for you to surprise me and amaze me. I need and know you are different. We are great together. This will make us stronger. Why did you fight then quit? Are you sad? Are you jealous? I know I might be hard to love but are you easy? Please think about it. I am not going to reach out anymore. I said what I had to say if you want to let us go fine but know I want this. I am all in. You got what you wanted and now your run? I want to do family things together. I want to hear you voice and laugh. I miss your warmth and hugs and kiss. Thank you thank you thank you for it all. I know I cannot shake this. I know we are meant to be. When you gain clarity…

  5. Savannah December 5, 2016 at 2:20 pm #

    I’ve never tried one of these message boards before. I’m not really an anonymous internet communicator but I need some support that no one close to me can provide.

    About 3 years ago I unexpectedly fell in love with a female friend (I’m a female) and we began a secret relationship because I come from a conservative family and was never willing to be my true self. As you might imagine this was very difficult for my openly gay partner as she felt like she was back in the closet.

    We broke up recently. It was mostly mutual. She wanted space to be her true self in public and I had been feeling unwanted by her for a long time. I am struggling with whether we could have made it work if I had been willing to be openly with her. I’ve since told her I would be willing to tell people but there are now complicating factors on whether that is even a good idea for either of us professionally.

    I’m just struggling with it being over because I don’t know what our relationship looks like in a different world. And we work together and have all the same friends and I just can’t fathom what it will be like to eventually see her with someone else (its also really hard to avoid contact in these circumstances).

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