Comments on: Success Story: How Closure Made Me Stronger http://lovesagame.com/success-story-how-closure-made-me-stronger/ Learn how to survive after breaking up and read some great relationship advice for having new and healthy relationships. Mon, 15 Mar 2010 06:00:40 +0100 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc hourly 1 By: lila http://lovesagame.com/success-story-how-closure-made-me-stronger/comment-page-1/#comment-6708 lila Sat, 06 Mar 2010 18:13:01 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/?p=859#comment-6708 Once upon a time I was in a relationship with a guy who I thought loved me and I loved him. One day, prince charming was "busy"....then his phone "wasn't working correctly" he "didn't get" my texts....I confronted him and asked what was going on...just wanted honesty....he said everything was fine, then he stopped talking to me altogether..i was very hurt..i didn't know what was going on, really. Guess I needed to be hit with a 2x4. Why couldn't he just tell me? I think I deserved something better than him ignoring me. When I had to break up with someone, I met them face to face....it hurt like hell and was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I did it and it was the best for both of us. Can someone tell me why in the world can't people just be honest and mature when it comes to break ups? If you ever cared for someone, show them the consideration....be honest about your feelings. It really will help them and you in the long run!<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('6708','lila'); return false;">reply</a> | <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('6708','lila','Once upon a time I was in a relationship with a guy who I thought loved me and I loved him. One day, prince charming was \"busy\"....then his phone \"wasn\'t working correctly\" he \"didn\'t get\" my texts....I confronted him and asked what was going on...just wanted honesty....he said everything was fine, then he stopped talking to me altogether..i was very hurt..i didn\'t know what was going on, really. Guess I needed to be hit with a 2x4. Why couldn\'t he just tell me? I think I deserved something better than him ignoring me. When I had to break up with someone, I met them face to face....it hurt like hell and was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I did it and it was the best for both of us. Can someone tell me why in the world can\'t people just be honest and mature when it comes to break ups? If you ever cared for someone, show them the consideration....be honest about your feelings. It really will help them and you in the long run!'); return false;">quote</a></div> Once upon a time I was in a relationship with a guy who I thought loved me and I loved him. One day, prince charming was “busy”….then his phone “wasn’t working correctly” he “didn’t get” my texts….I confronted him and asked what was going on…just wanted honesty….he said everything was fine, then he stopped talking to me altogether..i was very hurt..i didn’t know what was going on, really. Guess I needed to be hit with a 2×4. Why couldn’t he just tell me? I think I deserved something better than him ignoring me. When I had to break up with someone, I met them face to face….it hurt like hell and was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I did it and it was the best for both of us. Can someone tell me why in the world can’t people just be honest and mature when it comes to break ups? If you ever cared for someone, show them the consideration….be honest about your feelings. It really will help them and you in the long run!
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]]> By: Kelly http://lovesagame.com/success-story-how-closure-made-me-stronger/comment-page-1/#comment-6540 Kelly Sat, 20 Feb 2010 19:14:25 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/?p=859#comment-6540 I don't really understand this term "closure". I guess every situation is difficult. But last week, I was dumped by a guy who decided to sleep with is ex wife and says they need to "work stuff out" and he "needs a break". He didn't tell me he slept with her - he sent me an email (see other thread on things not to say when being dumped), saying his ex had come round on his birthday and said she wanted to get back together. I telephoned and asked if he slept with her. I think he was so taken aback by the question, he stumbled for a minute and said "yes". For me, that was the "closure" I needed. I just told him to send my stuff back to me. I sent him a short, terse email but that was it. Because much as I would love to see him to rant and scream and say "How could you do this to me?" I know I don't want to be with a man who cheated on me - and with is ex wife no less. So there is no "closure" - because I haven't seen him or spoken to him, and it seems shocking to be in his bed one night (and then the next night his ex wife is in it), kissing him goodbye the next morning and then NEVER seeing him again. I have not discussed why he did it, what he was thinking, why he lied, cheated, etc. And I would LOVE to have that conversation with him. But where would it lead me? I know I would never trust him or want anything to do with him again - so what does a "closure" meeting achieve? Revenge? Ack. That's just going to make me feel worse. It's a tug - I want to see his face, understand how he could do this. I feel like he got off "easily" because I've not confronted him. And it seems unfair. But at the end of the day, nothing he would say or do would change the fact that I want nothing to do with him ever again, so what's the point? I try to console myself with the knowledge that i may be sad and angry and hurt and cry a lot this week, but he's the one that has to live with his conscience every day and come to terms with what he did to me. And if he really wants to go back to his ex wife and doesn't tell her about me, then that's doomed anyway. And if he does tell her and she's willing to take him back anyway then she's a fool - because he divorced her to be with someone else (not me) anyway. It's tough - I don't want him to have the satisfaction of not having to deal with me in this whole sordid mess, but revenge isn't going to make me heal quicker.<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('6540','Kelly'); return false;">reply</a> | <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('6540','Kelly','I don\'t really understand this term \"closure\". I guess every situation is difficult. But last week, I was dumped by a guy who decided to sleep with is ex wife and says they need to \"work stuff out\" and he \"needs a break\". He didn\'t tell me he slept with her - he sent me an email (see other thread on things not to say when being dumped), saying his ex had come round on his birthday and said she wanted to get back together. I telephoned and asked if he slept with her. I think he was so taken aback by the question, he stumbled for a minute and said \"yes\". For me, that was the \"closure\" I needed. I just told him to send my stuff back to me. I sent him a short, terse email but that was it. Because much as I would love to see him to rant and scream and say \"How could you do this to me?\" I know I don\'t want to be with a man who cheated on me - and with is ex wife no less. So there is no \"closure\" - because I haven\'t seen him or spoken to him, and it seems shocking to be in his bed one night (and then the next night his ex wife is in it), kissing him goodbye the next morning and then NEVER seeing him again. I have not discussed why he did it, what he was thinking, why he lied, cheated, etc. And I would LOVE to have that conversation with him. But where would it lead me? I know I would never trust him or want anything to do with him again - so what does a \"closure\" meeting achieve? Revenge? Ack. That\'s just going to make me feel worse. It\'s a tug - I want to see his face, understand how he could do this. I feel like he got off \"easily\" because I\'ve not confronted him. And it seems unfair. But at the end of the day, nothing he would say or do would change the fact that I want nothing to do with him ever again, so what\'s the point? I try to console myself with the knowledge that i may be sad and angry and hurt and cry a lot this week, but he\'s the one that has to live with his conscience every day and come to terms with what he did to me. And if he really wants to go back to his ex wife and doesn\'t tell her about me, then that\'s doomed anyway. And if he does tell her and she\'s willing to take him back anyway then she\'s a fool - because he divorced her to be with someone else (not me) anyway. It\'s tough - I don\'t want him to have the satisfaction of not having to deal with me in this whole sordid mess, but revenge isn\'t going to make me heal quicker.'); return false;">quote</a></div> I don’t really understand this term “closure”. I guess every situation is difficult. But last week, I was dumped by a guy who decided to sleep with is ex wife and says they need to “work stuff out” and he “needs a break”. He didn’t tell me he slept with her – he sent me an email (see other thread on things not to say when being dumped), saying his ex had come round on his birthday and said she wanted to get back together. I telephoned and asked if he slept with her. I think he was so taken aback by the question, he stumbled for a minute and said “yes”. For me, that was the “closure” I needed. I just told him to send my stuff back to me. I sent him a short, terse email but that was it. Because much as I would love to see him to rant and scream and say “How could you do this to me?” I know I don’t want to be with a man who cheated on me – and with is ex wife no less. So there is no “closure” – because I haven’t seen him or spoken to him, and it seems shocking to be in his bed one night (and then the next night his ex wife is in it), kissing him goodbye the next morning and then NEVER seeing him again. I have not discussed why he did it, what he was thinking, why he lied, cheated, etc. And I would LOVE to have that conversation with him. But where would it lead me? I know I would never trust him or want anything to do with him again – so what does a “closure” meeting achieve? Revenge? Ack. That’s just going to make me feel worse. It’s a tug – I want to see his face, understand how he could do this. I feel like he got off “easily” because I’ve not confronted him. And it seems unfair. But at the end of the day, nothing he would say or do would change the fact that I want nothing to do with him ever again, so what’s the point? I try to console myself with the knowledge that i may be sad and angry and hurt and cry a lot this week, but he’s the one that has to live with his conscience every day and come to terms with what he did to me. And if he really wants to go back to his ex wife and doesn’t tell her about me, then that’s doomed anyway. And if he does tell her and she’s willing to take him back anyway then she’s a fool – because he divorced her to be with someone else (not me) anyway. It’s tough – I don’t want him to have the satisfaction of not having to deal with me in this whole sordid mess, but revenge isn’t going to make me heal quicker.
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]]> By: J.J. http://lovesagame.com/success-story-how-closure-made-me-stronger/comment-page-1/#comment-6055 J.J. Tue, 12 Jan 2010 22:24:02 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/?p=859#comment-6055 Eddie and all, Sharing your situations has given me the courage to write you. It has been hard to contain this frustration and lack of closure. I would love to hear your thoughts. A bit of background, I dated this girl for almost 2 years and broke up last february. The 2 years of relationship proved hard, because we had some long distance, unemployment in her part and risk of losing my job while I had bought the apt where she was going to move in with me. She comes from a broken family. So a lot of fears are in her head already. I am no angel, although my family has been more united than hers. Anyhow, with all this stress last february, I ask her for a bit of space/help and she freaked out, I wasn't breaking up but she got anxious to the point that she reacted in a way that made me want to break up. After the break up, unfortunately Eddie, we didn't follow your rule of no contact (in hindsight we should've). She first tried but I was frustrated with her lack of solidarity in a stressful time. Then I finally worked it around my head and when I came back (after a few weeks) she pulled away and said she was really hurt by me. This hurt me again and I felt it was a game, so I ended things (again). We didn't talk for a few weeks or so. When we finally did (after 3 months of the breakup) when I wanted to talk, she said she decided to go out with this guy (a co-worker). I was livid, because she was the jealous one (I can be too) but someone she had 'been friends w/ for a while' but had a gf too and broke up w her to date my ex. I told her what I have learned and she said she was giving him a chance. I decided to let go. And to noones surprise, while dating him, she would still txt me how I hurt her so much, and how she hadn't moved on and other hot/cold messages like that. She would see me every 4 days or so, while nothing really happened except talking, she was still dating this dude. She said she wasnt serious, until recently when she admitted 'he was going too fast'. It hurts me that she introduced him to the family so fast. Might be more the ego hurt, I am not sure, but it really hurts knowing that know, especially since she was deceiving saying it wasn't serious. They broke up after 2-3 months. She then started talking to me more often, we would go out for dinner and she would tell me she was just scared of giving me a chance, because the break-up put her on the edge, and she was so scared of us getting there too. I have since June been supportive in everything, from her buying a place, the marathon she ran, and being available. Somehow along the way, my mistakes seemed to have weighted more, and I took the break up as my fault, and her behavior as justified? The last months before the holidays she was getting closer to be together (she didn't want to be 'official' she was scared). She said she didn't know how to take the next step and wanted to get over her fears. Right during thx giving holidays and xmas, she pulled away. It was all of the sudden. Messed me up. She said it reminded her of last years. When I needed a big favor during xmas after she apologized for being distant, she said she could (pick up some paperwork from my apt) and then she changed her mind. It hurt me to know I couldnt count on her, especially in time of crisis. I don't really ask for many things. She felt bad and asked for communication again, send emails saying she knew she had to decide whether to go for it or not, but that she didn't know how to, that it was a big risk because of the hurt of last year. I have been pretty good to her especially the last months, and all of our arguments have still been over last years things. Anyhow, last week after in the morning sending sweet messages, and telling me: you know you could call or reach out sometimes too? although when I messaged her months ago, she would feel 'pressured'. Later in that day, we were having a conversation where it felt like she just wanted to be reassured that I was not going to hurt her, and it was going well, then all of the sudden it's like she remember the anger from last year and she just said she couldnt do it. So I asked if that was the end and she said yes. I asked then we needed to stop communication totally. Now a week later, I find myself still shocked, things improved in the last 2 wks and she was more constructive on our relationship and she pulled away. She said it stressed her out to talk about us all the time and wasnt getting her closer to me. But I wanted to go back to us too. We have not talked/txted/emailed. I think this is the end for good. But I feel like there are some things left I wanted to say. Like in the marathon, I feel like she left right before the end. I want to tell her it was not fair to have send those messages earlier those days if her intent was to finish things. It kills me a bit to know she is better at blocking things off from her head, and to know that I am still hurting. I am trying to put things in perspective, bring her down from the pedestal, but part of me still doesn't know or want to let go. Even when she broke up, she didn't seem sure. I asked for a goodbye hug, and she didnt want to give it to me. Like if she were angry. I was hesitant whether to contact her and ask her if it was a rash decision she made (and now she's being proud) or realize the other possibility: she chose not to be with me. Any thoughts, advice from you guys would be great during this hardship. I feel it's just been almost a year of sadness and not sure how to go from here. Thank you<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('6055','J.J.'); return false;">reply</a> | <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('6055','J.J.','Eddie and all, \r\nSharing your situations has given me the courage to write you. It has been hard to contain this frustration and lack of closure. I would love to hear your thoughts. \r\nA bit of background, I dated this girl for almost 2 years and broke up last february. The 2 years of relationship proved hard, because we had some long distance, unemployment in her part and risk of losing my job while I had bought the apt where she was going to move in with me. She comes from a broken family. So a lot of fears are in her head already. I am no angel, although my family has been more united than hers. Anyhow, with all this stress last february, I ask her for a bit of space\/help and she freaked out, I wasn\'t breaking up but she got anxious to the point that she reacted in a way that made me want to break up. After the break up, unfortunately Eddie, we didn\'t follow your rule of no contact (in hindsight we should\'ve). She first tried but I was frustrated with her lack of solidarity in a stressful time. Then I finally worked it around my head and when I came back (after a few weeks) she pulled away and said she was really hurt by me. This hurt me again and I felt it was a game, so I ended things (again). We didn\'t talk for a few weeks or so. When we finally did (after 3 months of the breakup) when I wanted to talk, she said she decided to go out with this guy (a co-worker). I was livid, because she was the jealous one (I can be too) but someone she had \'been friends w\/ for a while\' but had a gf too and broke up w her to date my ex. I told her what I have learned and she said she was giving him a chance. I decided to let go. And to noones surprise, while dating him, she would still txt me how I hurt her so much, and how she hadn\'t moved on and other hot\/cold messages like that. She would see me every 4 days or so, while nothing really happened except talking, she was still dating this dude. She said she wasnt serious, until recently when she admitted \'he was going too fast\'. It hurts me that she introduced him to the family so fast. Might be more the ego hurt, I am not sure, but it really hurts knowing that know, especially since she was deceiving saying it wasn\'t serious. They broke up after 2-3 months. She then started talking to me more often, we would go out for dinner and she would tell me she was just scared of giving me a chance, because the break-up put her on the edge, and she was so scared of us getting there too. I have since June been supportive in everything, from her buying a place, the marathon she ran, and being available. Somehow along the way, my mistakes seemed to have weighted more, and I took the break up as my fault, and her behavior as justified? The last months before the holidays she was getting closer to be together (she didn\'t want to be \'official\' she was scared). She said she didn\'t know how to take the next step and wanted to get over her fears. Right during thx giving holidays and xmas, she pulled away. It was all of the sudden. Messed me up. \r\nShe said it reminded her of last years. When I needed a big favor during xmas after she apologized for being distant, she said she could (pick up some paperwork from my apt) and then she changed her mind. It hurt me to know I couldnt count on her, especially in time of crisis. I don\'t really ask for many things. She felt bad and asked for communication again, send emails saying she knew she had to decide whether to go for it or not, but that she didn\'t know how to, that it was a big risk because of the hurt of last year. I have been pretty good to her especially the last months, and all of our arguments have still been over last years things.\r\nAnyhow, last week after in the morning sending sweet messages, and telling me: you know you could call or reach out sometimes too? although when I messaged her months ago, she would feel \'pressured\'. Later in that day, we were having a conversation where it felt like she just wanted to be reassured that I was not going to hurt her, and it was going well, then all of the sudden it\'s like she remember the anger from last year and she just said she couldnt do it. So I asked if that was the end and she said yes. I asked then we needed to stop communication totally. \r\nNow a week later, I find myself still shocked, things improved in the last 2 wks and she was more constructive on our relationship and she pulled away. She said it stressed her out to talk about us all the time and wasnt getting her closer to me. But I wanted to go back to us too. We have not talked\/txted\/emailed.\r\nI think this is the end for good. But I feel like there are some things left I wanted to say. Like in the marathon, I feel like she left right before the end. I want to tell her it was not fair to have send those messages earlier those days if her intent was to finish things.\r\nIt kills me a bit to know she is better at blocking things off from her head, and to know that I am still hurting. I am trying to put things in perspective, bring her down from the pedestal, but part of me still doesn\'t know or want to let go. Even when she broke up, she didn\'t seem sure. I asked for a goodbye hug, and she didnt want to give it to me. Like if she were angry. I was hesitant whether to contact her and ask her if it was a rash decision she made (and now she\'s being proud) or realize the other possibility: she chose not to be with me. \r\nAny thoughts, advice from you guys would be great during this hardship. I feel it\'s just been almost a year of sadness and not sure how to go from here. Thank you'); return false;">quote</a></div> Eddie and all,
Sharing your situations has given me the courage to write you. It has been hard to contain this frustration and lack of closure. I would love to hear your thoughts.
A bit of background, I dated this girl for almost 2 years and broke up last february. The 2 years of relationship proved hard, because we had some long distance, unemployment in her part and risk of losing my job while I had bought the apt where she was going to move in with me. She comes from a broken family. So a lot of fears are in her head already. I am no angel, although my family has been more united than hers. Anyhow, with all this stress last february, I ask her for a bit of space/help and she freaked out, I wasn’t breaking up but she got anxious to the point that she reacted in a way that made me want to break up. After the break up, unfortunately Eddie, we didn’t follow your rule of no contact (in hindsight we should’ve). She first tried but I was frustrated with her lack of solidarity in a stressful time. Then I finally worked it around my head and when I came back (after a few weeks) she pulled away and said she was really hurt by me. This hurt me again and I felt it was a game, so I ended things (again). We didn’t talk for a few weeks or so. When we finally did (after 3 months of the breakup) when I wanted to talk, she said she decided to go out with this guy (a co-worker). I was livid, because she was the jealous one (I can be too) but someone she had ‘been friends w/ for a while’ but had a gf too and broke up w her to date my ex. I told her what I have learned and she said she was giving him a chance. I decided to let go. And to noones surprise, while dating him, she would still txt me how I hurt her so much, and how she hadn’t moved on and other hot/cold messages like that. She would see me every 4 days or so, while nothing really happened except talking, she was still dating this dude. She said she wasnt serious, until recently when she admitted ‘he was going too fast’. It hurts me that she introduced him to the family so fast. Might be more the ego hurt, I am not sure, but it really hurts knowing that know, especially since she was deceiving saying it wasn’t serious. They broke up after 2-3 months. She then started talking to me more often, we would go out for dinner and she would tell me she was just scared of giving me a chance, because the break-up put her on the edge, and she was so scared of us getting there too. I have since June been supportive in everything, from her buying a place, the marathon she ran, and being available. Somehow along the way, my mistakes seemed to have weighted more, and I took the break up as my fault, and her behavior as justified? The last months before the holidays she was getting closer to be together (she didn’t want to be ‘official’ she was scared). She said she didn’t know how to take the next step and wanted to get over her fears. Right during thx giving holidays and xmas, she pulled away. It was all of the sudden. Messed me up.
She said it reminded her of last years. When I needed a big favor during xmas after she apologized for being distant, she said she could (pick up some paperwork from my apt) and then she changed her mind. It hurt me to know I couldnt count on her, especially in time of crisis. I don’t really ask for many things. She felt bad and asked for communication again, send emails saying she knew she had to decide whether to go for it or not, but that she didn’t know how to, that it was a big risk because of the hurt of last year. I have been pretty good to her especially the last months, and all of our arguments have still been over last years things.
Anyhow, last week after in the morning sending sweet messages, and telling me: you know you could call or reach out sometimes too? although when I messaged her months ago, she would feel ‘pressured’. Later in that day, we were having a conversation where it felt like she just wanted to be reassured that I was not going to hurt her, and it was going well, then all of the sudden it’s like she remember the anger from last year and she just said she couldnt do it. So I asked if that was the end and she said yes. I asked then we needed to stop communication totally.
Now a week later, I find myself still shocked, things improved in the last 2 wks and she was more constructive on our relationship and she pulled away. She said it stressed her out to talk about us all the time and wasnt getting her closer to me. But I wanted to go back to us too. We have not talked/txted/emailed.
I think this is the end for good. But I feel like there are some things left I wanted to say. Like in the marathon, I feel like she left right before the end. I want to tell her it was not fair to have send those messages earlier those days if her intent was to finish things.
It kills me a bit to know she is better at blocking things off from her head, and to know that I am still hurting. I am trying to put things in perspective, bring her down from the pedestal, but part of me still doesn’t know or want to let go. Even when she broke up, she didn’t seem sure. I asked for a goodbye hug, and she didnt want to give it to me. Like if she were angry. I was hesitant whether to contact her and ask her if it was a rash decision she made (and now she’s being proud) or realize the other possibility: she chose not to be with me.
Any thoughts, advice from you guys would be great during this hardship. I feel it’s just been almost a year of sadness and not sure how to go from here. Thank you
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]]> By: s.l.a. http://lovesagame.com/success-story-how-closure-made-me-stronger/comment-page-1/#comment-6044 s.l.a. Mon, 11 Jan 2010 18:21:55 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/?p=859#comment-6044 im having trouble letting go of anger. i have all this anger against my ex, and i dont knw what to do with it. i've blocked him on fb and yet he made another account and emailed me! he sends stuff on occasions and at first i thot it's cuz he still likes me.. but i've always felt he had some feelings towards two other girls he was friends with before he got with me. i saw smthing he wrote on one of these girl's profiles and it drove me insane with anger. it's like he's chasing after her and she doesnt give a crap about him.. and he still chases her and denied everything to me!!! why is it when i treated him well he didnt give a crap?! am i supposed to b sm idiot girl tht ignores him and doesnt care for him to care? at first i used to get sad at all this.. then i became plain angry.. like it makes my head hurt, makes me yell at ppl.. just PISSED. it's like i want revenge.. i want this cold jerk to suffer so bad cuz i've been through hell. what does he want with me? if he wants these other two so bad why did he keep contacting me after i left.. WHAT IS THIS? how do i get through this and how do ppl like this get what they deserve?!?!<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('6044','s.l.a.'); return false;">reply</a> | <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('6044','s.l.a.','im having trouble letting go of anger. \r\ni have all this anger against my ex, and i dont knw what to do with it. i\'ve blocked him on fb and yet he made another account and emailed me! he sends stuff on occasions and at first i thot it\'s cuz he still likes me.. but i\'ve always felt he had some feelings towards two other girls he was friends with before he got with me. i saw smthing he wrote on one of these girl\'s profiles and it drove me insane with anger. it\'s like he\'s chasing after her and she doesnt give a crap about him.. and he still chases her and denied everything to me!!! why is it when i treated him well he didnt give a crap?! am i supposed to b sm idiot girl tht ignores him and doesnt care for him to care? \r\nat first i used to get sad at all this.. then i became plain angry.. like it makes my head hurt, makes me yell at ppl.. just PISSED. it\'s like i want revenge.. i want this cold jerk to suffer so bad cuz i\'ve been through hell. \r\nwhat does he want with me? if he wants these other two so bad why did he keep contacting me after i left.. WHAT IS THIS? how do i get through this and how do ppl like this get what they deserve?!?!'); return false;">quote</a></div> im having trouble letting go of anger.
i have all this anger against my ex, and i dont knw what to do with it. i’ve blocked him on fb and yet he made another account and emailed me! he sends stuff on occasions and at first i thot it’s cuz he still likes me.. but i’ve always felt he had some feelings towards two other girls he was friends with before he got with me. i saw smthing he wrote on one of these girl’s profiles and it drove me insane with anger. it’s like he’s chasing after her and she doesnt give a crap about him.. and he still chases her and denied everything to me!!! why is it when i treated him well he didnt give a crap?! am i supposed to b sm idiot girl tht ignores him and doesnt care for him to care?
at first i used to get sad at all this.. then i became plain angry.. like it makes my head hurt, makes me yell at ppl.. just PISSED. it’s like i want revenge.. i want this cold jerk to suffer so bad cuz i’ve been through hell.
what does he want with me? if he wants these other two so bad why did he keep contacting me after i left.. WHAT IS THIS? how do i get through this and how do ppl like this get what they deserve?!?!
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]]> By: GoldenChildEmcee http://lovesagame.com/success-story-how-closure-made-me-stronger/comment-page-1/#comment-5976 GoldenChildEmcee Tue, 05 Jan 2010 23:48:42 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/?p=859#comment-5976 First and foremost this was some helpful information. I honestly can relate, I am a dumpee of a 2 1/2 yrs relationship and there is children involved. Its been over a month now and I still fell pain and we tried to remain friends but everytime I saw her, it would become more unbarable. She constantly tells me I am a good man, and that she loves me and I tell her to keep those thoughts to herself, because it sends mixed messages. I must say I am really been really broken up by this. I don't know what to do about seeing her and picking up my kids. She started dated 2 weeks after we broke up. If anyone knows of helpful information please contact me.I hate being love sick.<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('5976','GoldenChildEmcee'); return false;">reply</a> | <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('5976','GoldenChildEmcee','First and foremost this was some helpful information. I honestly can relate, I am a dumpee of a 2 1\/2 yrs relationship and there is children involved. Its been over a month now and I still fell pain and we tried to remain friends but everytime I saw her, it would become more unbarable. She constantly tells me I am a good man, and that she loves me and I tell her to keep those thoughts to herself, because it sends mixed messages. I must say I am really been really broken up by this. I don\'t know what to do about seeing her and picking up my kids. She started dated 2 weeks after we broke up. If anyone knows of helpful information please contact me.I hate being love sick.'); return false;">quote</a></div> First and foremost this was some helpful information. I honestly can relate, I am a dumpee of a 2 1/2 yrs relationship and there is children involved. Its been over a month now and I still fell pain and we tried to remain friends but everytime I saw her, it would become more unbarable. She constantly tells me I am a good man, and that she loves me and I tell her to keep those thoughts to herself, because it sends mixed messages. I must say I am really been really broken up by this. I don’t know what to do about seeing her and picking up my kids. She started dated 2 weeks after we broke up. If anyone knows of helpful information please contact me.I hate being love sick.
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]]> By: Betty http://lovesagame.com/success-story-how-closure-made-me-stronger/comment-page-1/#comment-5889 Betty Tue, 29 Dec 2009 01:56:54 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/?p=859#comment-5889 Dearest Sachao, THANK YOU for sharing your story, I can really relate to it and it really gives me hope. My closure didn't go that well because I wanted to have him and, of course, he didn't want to. But, I'm feeling better each day and I hope to find another love who reciprocates my efforts, as well. I wish the same for you, you deserve it girl!<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('5889','Betty'); return false;">reply</a> | <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('5889','Betty','Dearest Sachao, THANK YOU for sharing your story, I can really relate to it and it really gives me hope. My closure didn\'t go that well because I wanted to have him and, of course, he didn\'t want to. But, I\'m feeling better each day and I hope to find another love who reciprocates my efforts, as well. I wish the same for you, you deserve it girl!'); return false;">quote</a></div> Dearest Sachao, THANK YOU for sharing your story, I can really relate to it and it really gives me hope. My closure didn’t go that well because I wanted to have him and, of course, he didn’t want to. But, I’m feeling better each day and I hope to find another love who reciprocates my efforts, as well. I wish the same for you, you deserve it girl!
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]]> By: canali http://lovesagame.com/success-story-how-closure-made-me-stronger/comment-page-1/#comment-5886 canali Mon, 28 Dec 2009 07:45:46 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/?p=859#comment-5886 <a href='#comment-5878' rel="nofollow">@Sachao</a> - RE: 'To assume that I am too high maintenance, is just sad.''. that wasn't my point, just that there are two sides of the story...to assume still only you ''have absolutely NOT MADE any mistakes in my previous relationship, and the fact that it fell apart, is only HIM to blame'' is still only your assertion...he's not here to defend himself....or we can't get his assertion....and maybe you're right: that you didn't do ''anything wrong''...i still ascertain that sometimes people just change and can grow apart.... thus either become mismatched OR finally acknowledge that they are mismatched and the relationship in the end is more about 'unentangling' when they shouldn't have been together in the first place.....ie we didn't pay attention to certain things until they came more visible later on....i can vouch for some of these natural human frailties in my own relationship dissolution....so it's not always about ''making mistakes.'' bottom line, sachao: i hope you find lots of love in your life, and find someone who's compatible with you, your temperament, values, goals, energy and so on.....we all have our own unique set of baggage and filters of life...despite making mistakes and either being hurt or hurting others, fundamentally we're all (and this includes your ex) stumbling and bumbling along as best we can towards trying to both find and keep love in our lives.<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('5886','canali'); return false;">reply</a> | <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('5886','canali','<a href=\'#comment-5878\' rel=\"nofollow\">@Sachao<\/a> - \r\n\r\nRE: \'To assume that I am too high maintenance, is just sad.\'\'.\r\n\r\nthat wasn\'t my point, just that there are two sides of the story...to assume still only you \'\'have absolutely NOT MADE any mistakes in my previous relationship, and the fact that it fell apart, is only HIM to blame\'\' is still only your assertion...he\'s not here to defend himself....or we can\'t get his assertion....and maybe you\'re right: that you didn\'t do \'\'anything wrong\'\'...i still ascertain that sometimes people just change and can grow apart....\r\nthus either become mismatched OR finally acknowledge that they are mismatched and the relationship in the end is more about \'unentangling\' when they shouldn\'t have been together in the first place.....ie we didn\'t pay attention to certain things until they came more visible later on....i can vouch for some of these natural human frailties in my own relationship dissolution....so it\'s not always about \'\'making mistakes.\'\'\r\n\r\nbottom line, sachao: i hope you find lots of love in your life, and find someone who\'s compatible with you, your temperament, values, goals, energy and so on.....we all have our own unique set of baggage and filters of life...despite making mistakes and either being hurt or hurting others, fundamentally we\'re all (and this includes your ex) stumbling and bumbling along as best we can towards trying to both find and keep love in our lives.'); return false;">quote</a></div> @Sachao –

RE: ‘To assume that I am too high maintenance, is just sad.”.

that wasn’t my point, just that there are two sides of the story…to assume still only you ”have absolutely NOT MADE any mistakes in my previous relationship, and the fact that it fell apart, is only HIM to blame” is still only your assertion…he’s not here to defend himself….or we can’t get his assertion….and maybe you’re right: that you didn’t do ”anything wrong”…i still ascertain that sometimes people just change and can grow apart….
thus either become mismatched OR finally acknowledge that they are mismatched and the relationship in the end is more about ‘unentangling’ when they shouldn’t have been together in the first place…..ie we didn’t pay attention to certain things until they came more visible later on….i can vouch for some of these natural human frailties in my own relationship dissolution….so it’s not always about ”making mistakes.”

bottom line, sachao: i hope you find lots of love in your life, and find someone who’s compatible with you, your temperament, values, goals, energy and so on…..we all have our own unique set of baggage and filters of life…despite making mistakes and either being hurt or hurting others, fundamentally we’re all (and this includes your ex) stumbling and bumbling along as best we can towards trying to both find and keep love in our lives.

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]]> By: Sachao http://lovesagame.com/success-story-how-closure-made-me-stronger/comment-page-1/#comment-5878 Sachao Sun, 27 Dec 2009 13:20:31 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/?p=859#comment-5878 canali, it is my story above, and of course it is your opinion, it's not 'dissing' my ex. It's the truth. And I can understand you think it's dissing, but only I know that this is the truth. I could've added a million other details to make my story clearer, but those things are not important. To assume that I am too high maintenance, is just sad. Key point of my story is the fact that I was dumped because I went abroad and chose personal development and independence over staying close and 'dependent' to my ex. Conclusion: He could not handle that. As much as I appreciate everyone's comments and opinions, don't judge me, since you have absolutely no right to do that. It's not about ''dissing' my ex, it is about seeing his short comings in the end and to see that he has fell of his pedestal. I am not saying I am perfect, but I know I have absolutely NOT MADE any mistakes in my previous relationship, and the fact that it fell apart, is only HIM to blame. I know this is an exception, but I can honestly look myself in the eye and say I did everything to make it work. If somebody is not willing to do the same for me, that person is just not worth it. You might seeing as 'dissing' the ex, I see it as seeing the truth and finally stop making the story better than it is. You have to look at yourself critically, but if you keep thinking it was only 'a bad match', you fool yourself. Good luck in the future and thanks to everyone else for their comments :)<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('5878','Sachao'); return false;">reply</a> | <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('5878','Sachao','canali, it is my story above, and of course it is your opinion, it\'s not \'dissing\' my ex. It\'s the truth. And I can understand you think it\'s dissing, but only I know that this is the truth. I could\'ve added a million other details to make my story clearer, but those things are not important. To assume that I am too high maintenance, is just sad. Key point of my story is the fact that I was dumped because I went abroad and chose personal development and independence over staying close and \'dependent\' to my ex. Conclusion: He could not handle that. \r\n\r\nAs much as I appreciate everyone\'s comments and opinions, don\'t judge me, since you have absolutely no right to do that. It\'s not about \'\'dissing\' my ex, it is about seeing his short comings in the end and to see that he has fell of his pedestal. I am not saying I am perfect, but I know I have absolutely NOT MADE any mistakes in my previous relationship, and the fact that it fell apart, is only HIM to blame. I know this is an exception, but I can honestly look myself in the eye and say I did everything to make it work. If somebody is not willing to do the same for me, that person is just not worth it. You might seeing as \'dissing\' the ex, I see it as seeing the truth and finally stop making the story better than it is. You have to look at yourself critically, but if you keep thinking it was only \'a bad match\', you fool yourself.\r\n\r\nGood luck in the future and thanks to everyone else for their comments :)'); return false;">quote</a></div> canali, it is my story above, and of course it is your opinion, it’s not ‘dissing’ my ex. It’s the truth. And I can understand you think it’s dissing, but only I know that this is the truth. I could’ve added a million other details to make my story clearer, but those things are not important. To assume that I am too high maintenance, is just sad. Key point of my story is the fact that I was dumped because I went abroad and chose personal development and independence over staying close and ‘dependent’ to my ex. Conclusion: He could not handle that.

As much as I appreciate everyone’s comments and opinions, don’t judge me, since you have absolutely no right to do that. It’s not about ”dissing’ my ex, it is about seeing his short comings in the end and to see that he has fell of his pedestal. I am not saying I am perfect, but I know I have absolutely NOT MADE any mistakes in my previous relationship, and the fact that it fell apart, is only HIM to blame. I know this is an exception, but I can honestly look myself in the eye and say I did everything to make it work. If somebody is not willing to do the same for me, that person is just not worth it. You might seeing as ‘dissing’ the ex, I see it as seeing the truth and finally stop making the story better than it is. You have to look at yourself critically, but if you keep thinking it was only ‘a bad match’, you fool yourself.

Good luck in the future and thanks to everyone else for their comments :)

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]]> By: canali http://lovesagame.com/success-story-how-closure-made-me-stronger/comment-page-1/#comment-5756 canali Sat, 12 Dec 2009 18:31:03 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/?p=859#comment-5756 RE: ”For me it was clear that he was too immature and could not handle difficult things, that he was to weak to fight for something. He already had a new girlfriend, somebody who would never go abroad without him, a very ‘easy girl’ who would do anything he says. The opposite of me, but apparently he wants a less complicated relationship now.”

i don’t like this (above) dissing of the ex and his new gal….we ALL have our baggage and limitations…why not just say that they were a bad match?…maybe to the ex, this gal was ”too high maintenance” or hyper for him…doesn’t mean it’s true, just that these are two different personalities who couldn’t work through things for whatever reasons, ie, lack of skills, ego, stubborness etc…

one really useful tool is to write out your relationship story and go through it and highlight with two different markers ”facts” vs ”fiction”…this can help sift through much emotional filters and our fears…uses some cognitive tools, too…but i try this phrase when my fears start to overwhelm me….”’ok, what is fact here…and what is my own or their own ‘fiction’ ?” (i got that tool from ’spiritual divorce’ by debbie ford..an excellent book).

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]]> By: joseph http://lovesagame.com/success-story-how-closure-made-me-stronger/comment-page-1/#comment-5692 joseph Thu, 03 Dec 2009 15:15:29 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/?p=859#comment-5692 <a href='#comment-5690' rel="nofollow">@Niki</a> - Niki, if you have read any of my above posts, you'll see that I'm going through something very similiar and a little more intense. Trust me, this is the worst pain you are probably ever going to have to go through in your life. The more you ignore him the closer he'll get. However, if you want to be with someone that can write you off after 8 years so easily, devalue you in front of his friends and other women by accepting their flirtations, number, etc....then you need to think are you doing yourself a grave injustice by accepting any apology? More than likely (coming from a guy) he has remained in contact with this girl and is probably even telling her that he is single, or that you two are no more. Men want to have their cake and eat it too, UNTIL it's no longer tolerated. Then they feel an urgency to regain control of the person they no longer have control over. My girlfriend of 8 1/2 years moved three streets down from me last month for the purpose of us becoming closer and realizing how important we are to each other. She's always been faithful and very kind. A week later i walked down to her new place and found her making out with another guy on her couch. I was absolutely devastated. Still am. Last week we hung out and was going to dinner and i tried everything i could to win over her heart. Took her to Key West for T-DAY and had an excellent time. However, following day she blew me off for dinner, and then the next day as well. Went over there to drop off some flowers and there was this other guys truck. I knocked on the door, got no answer, then 10 minutes later the police were at my door telling me that i could no longer visit her property. Mind blowing. I mean really...........mind blowing! I'm absolutely crushed. Had planned on proposing to her on our anniversary this year (new years) and I'm just sideways over all this. So, trust me I know how bad it hurts but don't be drugged by the pain. Don't let it make you think there is still a chance or that you even want a chance. Just pull away, and think for awhile. I'm attempting to do this at the moment as well. Except this morning i saw his vehicle there in her driveway on my way to work around 7:30. So apparently this new guy, who was nothing serious, is now spending the night with her. It's torture. I'm trying desperately to move out of the keys. Paradise is now hell. If there is anything you would like to talk about I would be totally open to email communication. It really helps to talk to people going through the same thing. Very challenging as well. If you wanna chat my email is locustcapri (at) yahoo.com My advice right now isn't the best or maybe even what you may want to hear, it's just the brutal truth and preparation for the worst outcome, because that was what i received. Hope everything works out. Joseph<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('5692','joseph'); return false;">reply</a> | <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('5692','joseph','<a href=\'#comment-5690\' rel=\"nofollow\">@Niki<\/a> - \r\n\r\nNiki, if you have read any of my above posts, you\'ll see that I\'m going through something very similiar and a little more intense. Trust me, this is the worst pain you are probably ever going to have to go through in your life. The more you ignore him the closer he\'ll get. However, if you want to be with someone that can write you off after 8 years so easily, devalue you in front of his friends and other women by accepting their flirtations, number, etc....then you need to think are you doing yourself a grave injustice by accepting any apology? More than likely (coming from a guy) he has remained in contact with this girl and is probably even telling her that he is single, or that you two are no more. Men want to have their cake and eat it too, UNTIL it\'s no longer tolerated. Then they feel an urgency to regain control of the person they no longer have control over. My girlfriend of 8 1\/2 years moved three streets down from me last month for the purpose of us becoming closer and realizing how important we are to each other. She\'s always been faithful and very kind. A week later i walked down to her new place and found her making out with another guy on her couch. I was absolutely devastated. Still am. Last week we hung out and was going to dinner and i tried everything i could to win over her heart. Took her to Key West for T-DAY and had an excellent time. However, following day she blew me off for dinner, and then the next day as well. Went over there to drop off some flowers and there was this other guys truck. I knocked on the door, got no answer, then 10 minutes later the police were at my door telling me that i could no longer visit her property. Mind blowing. I mean really...........mind blowing! I\'m absolutely crushed. Had planned on proposing to her on our anniversary this year (new years) and I\'m just sideways over all this. \r\n\r\nSo, trust me I know how bad it hurts but don\'t be drugged by the pain. Don\'t let it make you think there is still a chance or that you even want a chance. Just pull away, and think for awhile. I\'m attempting to do this at the moment as well. Except this morning i saw his vehicle there in her driveway on my way to work around 7:30. So apparently this new guy, who was nothing serious, is now spending the night with her. It\'s torture. I\'m trying desperately to move out of the keys. Paradise is now hell. \r\n\r\nIf there is anything you would like to talk about I would be totally open to email communication. It really helps to talk to people going through the same thing. Very challenging as well. If you wanna chat my email is locustcapri (at) yahoo.com\r\n\r\nMy advice right now isn\'t the best or maybe even what you may want to hear, it\'s just the brutal truth and preparation for the worst outcome, because that was what i received.\r\n\r\nHope everything works out.\r\n\r\nJoseph'); return false;">quote</a></div> @Niki –

Niki, if you have read any of my above posts, you’ll see that I’m going through something very similiar and a little more intense. Trust me, this is the worst pain you are probably ever going to have to go through in your life. The more you ignore him the closer he’ll get. However, if you want to be with someone that can write you off after 8 years so easily, devalue you in front of his friends and other women by accepting their flirtations, number, etc….then you need to think are you doing yourself a grave injustice by accepting any apology? More than likely (coming from a guy) he has remained in contact with this girl and is probably even telling her that he is single, or that you two are no more. Men want to have their cake and eat it too, UNTIL it’s no longer tolerated. Then they feel an urgency to regain control of the person they no longer have control over. My girlfriend of 8 1/2 years moved three streets down from me last month for the purpose of us becoming closer and realizing how important we are to each other. She’s always been faithful and very kind. A week later i walked down to her new place and found her making out with another guy on her couch. I was absolutely devastated. Still am. Last week we hung out and was going to dinner and i tried everything i could to win over her heart. Took her to Key West for T-DAY and had an excellent time. However, following day she blew me off for dinner, and then the next day as well. Went over there to drop off some flowers and there was this other guys truck. I knocked on the door, got no answer, then 10 minutes later the police were at my door telling me that i could no longer visit her property. Mind blowing. I mean really………..mind blowing! I’m absolutely crushed. Had planned on proposing to her on our anniversary this year (new years) and I’m just sideways over all this.

So, trust me I know how bad it hurts but don’t be drugged by the pain. Don’t let it make you think there is still a chance or that you even want a chance. Just pull away, and think for awhile. I’m attempting to do this at the moment as well. Except this morning i saw his vehicle there in her driveway on my way to work around 7:30. So apparently this new guy, who was nothing serious, is now spending the night with her. It’s torture. I’m trying desperately to move out of the keys. Paradise is now hell.

If there is anything you would like to talk about I would be totally open to email communication. It really helps to talk to people going through the same thing. Very challenging as well. If you wanna chat my email is locustcapri (at) yahoo.com

My advice right now isn’t the best or maybe even what you may want to hear, it’s just the brutal truth and preparation for the worst outcome, because that was what i received.

Hope everything works out.

Joseph

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