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The Post-Breakup Bucket List

FEAR.

Instilled by nature in order to protect us from harm, it ensures our survival.

Very useful in the stone-age, today it’s just a creator of phobias and personal disorders, and it prevents us from doing the things we want to do – things we are destined to do.

It tricks us by triggering all the emotional reactions that come with a real threat: anxiety, adrenalin rush, increased heart rate, etc.

Everything we need to initiate a “Fight or Flight” response.

It feels so real, when in fact it’s a deception. There is no threat, no imminent danger.

The fear and anxiety we experience when our relationship has ended is not a real one. There is no danger to our lives… even if it feels that way.

It’s rather the fear of the unknown that terrifies us.

Where will the path we are forced to take lead us? Will we survive alone? Who are we without our partners?

The impossibility of imagining a favorable future is terrifying.

But how do you fight something that is not there? How do you overcome your fears?

Actually, there are lots of ways available, from numbing medication to cognitive behavior therapy, to positive affirmations.

All of which try to separate the non-existent causes from the pseudo-physical reactions to it.

What I find most effective when dealing with irrational fears after a break-up, is implanting pictures of a successful and happy future in our subconscious, in order to counteract the false beliefs we are investing in every day.

It’s much like creating a bucket-list – a list of things we want to do before we die. This is a perfect way to reset your priorities – what is really important to you?

Please watch the following inspirational video from Candy Chang, who lost a loved one and found a wonderful way to make people stop and think about what they really want.

“In our age of increasing distractions, it’s more important than ever to find ways to maintain perspective and remember that life is brief and tender.” – Candy Chang

The team of “Lean In”, (an organization encouraging women to pursue their ambitions), created a website that specifically addresses women, asking them, “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?”.

When you scroll through the many submissions of women stating their fears, it really becomes evident how much damage fear really is doing in our lives.

It denies us the life we deserve.

That is why I think it’s really essential to think about what fear is withholding from us – especially after a relationship split.

Fear denies us the life we deserve

The next step is obviously destroying the fears and obstacles, and doing what you really want to do, achieving the goals that define you.

So I am asking you today: What would you do if you were fearless?

What could you do NOW, after your break-up, that would bring you to the fore, if fear wouldn’t hold you back?

Please list at least three things below in the comment section, (anonymously if you want).

But there’s a catch.

I don’t want you to just write them down, I want you to COMMIT to doing those things.

So if YOUR three things were:

  1. find a more fulfilled job
  2. go backpacking through New Zealand
  3. get a tattoo

take the first steps to commitment today:

  1. go to a job center
  2. pick a date, inquire prices
  3. make an appointment in a tattoo shop

The key is to feel the fear, acknowledge that it’s there, realize that it serves no purpose and DO IT ANYWAY.

Take the first step in blind faith that you are doing the right thing.

Doing what you fear most and succeeding in it is one of the most rewarding moments in life. Everybody should experience that regularly.

These are the very things that refine us, polish us and make us stronger.

On the way to the ultimate post-breakup goal – fulfillment, purpose and emotional independence.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

P.S.: Seriously, do it now: write down YOUR 3 things below.

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58 Responses to The Post-Breakup Bucket List

  1. Anonymous February 20, 2015 at 7:16 pm #

    1) i wouldn’t cry and shake constantly due to a horrible past

    2) i wouldn’t shake and cry constantly out of HAVING TO live

    3) i wouldn’t shake and cry and panic constantly about a future i’m sure will be much much worse than the past

    God help me. It’s either a miracle or my days are counted.

    • kirsten April 27, 2015 at 3:38 am #

      I promise you, it will stop. It does fade in waves. Sometimes the good moments are just that. Fleeting, at first. But they get longer and longer, until you actually have a good DAY… and on and on. There is hope and joy in your future. You must ride it out. YOU WILL BE OKAY.

      • Nicole November 27, 2015 at 3:26 am #

        Thank you. I for see a break up In the last three months many reactions, statement, irritability, his success and lack of my own. I don’t see him trying steps like we have discussed together to better the marriage.I have some hurt and upset in regards to it all. Anyway, feel free to respond.
        Nicole

  2. Adi June 25, 2015 at 9:19 am #

    1. get my phd
    2. become well paid and well known for my expertize
    3. live abroad

  3. jessica November 2, 2015 at 7:56 pm #

    1. move out and live by myself
    2. go back to school
    3. accept my body

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