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The Secret How To Get Over A Break Up

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i hate my ex girlfriendHealing a broken heart from a lost love seems to be the most challenging venture one could imagine. A break up usually starts with a phase of paralyzing shock then turns into helplessness and deep grief. It appears impossible to ever be happy again. Wouldn’t it be good if there was a secret how to get over a break up?

What if I told you that a break up or divorce is also a very good chance? Your opportunity? Look into the abyss and see who you really are! Do you believe in this?

Well, I for one, I believe. Because it happened to me and I experienced it myself.

“You don’t know what love is
Until you’ve learned the meaning of the blues
Until you’ve loved a love you’ve had to lose
You don’t know what love is”

–Chet Baker

My own break up in 1998 was on the one hand the most terrible and painful incident that ever happened to me, again on the other hand, the very best that happened to me. Sounds pretty paradoxical, huh?

For now, I would like to ask you just to take my word for it and read on, you will understand.

The secret how to heal a broken heart didn’t come to me just like that, nor have I read about it in a book or the like. As I have written on my about-me-page, I’ve had a break up coach. Not a professional one. It was a very distant relative, who apparently called me out of the blue (today I know that it was no coincident at all). He then introduced me to the two main concepts on how to heal a broken heart.

He by himself has had a terrible divorce before and some other terrible things additionally. The measures he took, the thinking he developed literally saved his life.

Isn’t it strange that each and everyone of us has had or will have a certain point in his life where he finds himself standing at a crossroad? Ok, maybe not that strange, that’s how life works. Interesting though is why some take the way to the right and some to the left. Some recover very quickly from their break up or divorce and have grown with that experience, others take many many years to recover and after that they are not the person they used to be (in a negative way).

At the time when I met him, I have had six terrible months behind me, full of self pity, tortuous pain, loneliness and infinite grief. I was past the first painful phases of a break up, but yet not ready to move on, to make the vital step towards healing.

At first I didn’t want to meet him, I didn’t want to meet anybody. But he insisted. This was my chance.

We’ve met in a coffeehouse. I’ll never forget that. He had heard what happened to me from other people and after some chitchat the first question he asked me literally blew me away.

He asked me: “Why do you think that SHE is responsible for your happiness?”

And this was it. So simple.

Healing A Broken HeartIn my eyes it was her I needed so badly in my life to be happy, to feel valuable. I held on to her to have a purpose, a meaning. I wasn’t happy on my own. It was she who made me going on, enduring myself. I absolutely didn’t love myself.

Of course I couldn’t think rationally at that time. But it was him who did the thinking for me.

He then explained his concept on how to get over a break up, how to lead a happy and fulfilling life and how to develop a stable personality. Healing a broken heart was just a side effect of his concept.

Extreme suffering during a break up is always a sign that your mindset towards life and your own person is not correct.

The main two pillars of a stable personality and therefore the main premises for a happy life, so he told me, are:

1. Complete and unconditionally self-love

2. The very personal purpose in life

Wow, that made an impression on me.

Does this make sense to you? It took me some time to get it.

Only if you love yourself completely and unconditionally, and this means to accept the way you are, your weaknesses and strengths, you can also love others. If not, everything you do is looking for approval in others. You will be looking for their light, instead of using yours.

There are quite a few methods to work on self love. Some have been discussed here and some will be discussed in future articles. They all have in common that you must take a closer look into yourself and accept what you see. Finding your inner child and affirmations are very good ways to increase your self love.

The second very important secret is to find your purpose in life and pursue it with all your heart.

What’s your purpose in life? Well, that’s the tricky part. I can’t help you much with that, that is something you have to figure out by yourself. I can only give you some tips on how to find it. There are some good books on that matter.

Deepak Chopra wrote in his book The Seven Spiritual Laws Of Success that your very purpose in life is your unique and very special talent. We have taken manifestation in physical form to fulfill this purpose. He calls it “Dharma”. Something, when you picture yourself doing it, your heart lightens up and you feel a warm feeling of happiness.

When you combine your life purpose with service to humanity, then you make full use of the Law of Dharma.

I second that.

Find something you love and are passionate about, try to help other people with your talent and then simply be the best in it! There is no greater fulfillment than finding your life purpose and serving others.

Then you will not only have your blueprint for a happy life, you will eventually notice that you have gotten over your break up or divorce on the way:

How To Get Over A Break Up

If you are suffering from a break up or divorce right now, I sincerely wish you that you will find your path and come to a higher understanding of your true Self. Only then you will be ready to find the partner you deserve.

This is a small but vital fraction of the healing process. There are more things to consider especially in the first phases directly after a break up or divorce. Watch out for further articles on how to get over a break up on this site.

Your friend,

Eddie Corbano

Photograph is a courtesy of Jennifer Krug

Make your Ex suffer! Click here to watch my FREE presentation:
"How To Make Your Ex Regret They Broke Up With You"

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About The Author:

is a breakup-coach, relationship-advisor and founder of LovesAGame. He suffered from a devastating break up in 1998. Since then, he dedicated his life to helping others getting the best of this existential experience. The overcoming of a break up is an important step to autonomy and independency. Eddie Corbano developed some new coaching programs, which focus on evolving inner strength and the power to set and reach any personal goal. (Article written on July 31st, 2007)
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  • shelly

    @Darlene – no i am not angry maybe just a bit defensive, thank you for your concern. i have to say i am a step ahead in the process of my healing thanks to this site, as my reading of this entire site has touched me with insight of which i may never have come to terms with! keeping positive is very crucial to healing, take care everybody! one step at time, loving your true self!

  • Kelsey

    @Pebbles – DO NOT go to counseling with that loser!!! If you think that talking to a counselor will help YOU, then by all means I think you should do it. There is absolutely NO reason why you should be doing it with him. NONE…did I say NONE? I’m sorry this sounds harsh, but you deserve so much better!!!! I write this and make myself listen to my own words. I don’t know if you know much about my story, but my boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me 4 months after I told him I was pregnant with the baby we planned. I am now 6 months along, and still in so much pain from the breakup and the realization that I’m going through this pregnancy alone. I loved him with a love I hope some man loves me with. I just found out yesterday that he was cheating on me with 3 girls while I was pregnant and one of them is now his new girlfriend. I have contemplated counseling, but would never in a million years consider doing it with him. You need to focus on YOU. It’s not about you and him anymore. I know it’s hard to acknowledge that he doesn’t want you and that he’s chosen someone else…actually many others. You have to be honest with yourself. Do you want to be with someone who really doesn’t want you? Don’t you want someone who is going to love all of you? Someone who is going to think the world of you who would never hurt you. This guy doesn’t even deserve the air you breathe while talking about him. DO NOT involve him in the process of healing YOU. You are never going to be able to heal and move on if your healing process involves the one person that has made you need the help in the first place. Show him that you are strong and don’t need him in your life. Even if you don’t feel that way yet…fake it!! We have to. It is the hardest thing I’ve had to do, but I’m doing it. Being pregnant has my hormones and emotions running wild. I want to cry…all the time, but I stop myself. I’m gonna share a little trick with you that sometimes helps me. When you find yourself thinking about him and any of the good times you had, force yourself to think about all the bad. Think about the 4 year relationship he had while he was supposedly in love with you. Think about how he tore you down and made you feel like nothing. No man should ever make you question yourself or make you feel like less of a person. Think about all the tears you have cried because he has hurt you. Do you really want to be in a relationship like that? CUT HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE COMPLETELY!!!! Please don’t go to counseling with him. It will be the biggest setback, and you don’t want to have to start this process all over. You are strong and don’t need him!! KARMA IS A BITCH! It may not happen right now, but some day in one way or another he is going to pay for what he has done. I’m going to leave you with a quote that one of my close friends shared with me:
    “Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep… wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’ re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU… The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her…”

    • charla

      You are so brave on what you say I”ve been hurt from my ex of 5 years and we have a 1 year old when he broke up with me on my birthday can you believe that on my birthday it killed me im like what went wrong we were doing good but i guess he didn’t think so then he came and told he wants to experience life meet knew people he didn’t want to hurt me but he did i can’t do nothing about cause why would i want someone who doesn’t love me take him back. till this dat im hurt but i remain calm even though we still have to be in contact cause our child but i do hate to see him im angry with him i really do want to fight him from all he put me through..and wish i can find someone who would love me as much as i love him…

  • Jami Haines

    well that just sucks….it makes your tummy hurt I know

  • Pebbles

    @Kelsey –
    Thank you so much for your advise. This guy is unbelieveable. Every opportunity he gets he rubs his girls in my face. How much attention he gets from them and how much he gives to them and how much he loves it and he’s comfortable. I am the one who cares little about his feelings, I am the one who walked away from our relationship, I am the one who made no effort to save what we shared and on and on he goes. Its like a recording, he tells me the same things over and over again. How much I have hurt him and blah,blah,blah. Lastnite he shows up at my gate, telling me that he still loves me BUT I need to meet him half way. He’s has to make a decision, he cannot have his “Dating” partner in limbo for much longer. I told him that TRUST & RESPECT have walked their way out of the relationship and no counciling is gonna bring them back, I have come to accept the fact that he has moved on so he’s free to go ahead with his plans for his life with whomever he chooses. I will NOT be part of it.

    He got upset and says the same things all over again, I hurt him, I put friends before him, I dont give him enough attention and he also reminded me that he had told me that If I wasnt giving him enough attention, he would go and get it elsewhere – WOW!!!

    My point is this – He said that he is in a VERY comfortable place,his girl gives him LOADS of attention and he’s HAPPY. Why then is he tormenting me, why is he asking about counciling and stuff, why does he take every chance to rub his girl in my face WHY,WHY,WHY – I do believe I have the answer to my question – I AM A GAME to be played and he doesnt realize that the game is over.

    He called again this morning, I didnt answer then he kept calling. After a while I returned the call and told him that I will NOT subject myself to how he makes me feel at the end of every conversation(like I am the worse person, everything I think, say and do is always so wrong).I told him I will NOT be taking anymore of his calls. I have the power to change somethings and thats what I am doing. He can only get under my skin if I allow myself to entertain what he has to say. He went on and on and on, I kept silent, then he said, he just wanted to call and say hi and wish my a good day, I was still silent, then he went on again, then I said ARE U FINISHED he said yes and I hung up – ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR – Oh My God!!!!!!

  • Kelsey

    @Pebbles – You’re still giving him waaayyy too much. He knows you still care about him and that you would take him back. Your actions say you still do even though you don’t want to. Taking his calls…talking to him when he goes to your gate…letting him see it hurt you when he flaunts other girls in your face. He knows that you are still holding on regardless of what he does and how he treats you. He knows that if he were to tell you he loved you and only you and wanted to be with you that you’d take him back. He’s stringing you along because he knows he can. You need to be strong even though it is hard. You need to not accept his calls. Don’t answer and tell him you shouldn’t have to put up with his crap…just don’t answer. Don’t acknowledge his existence. The best revenge is to show them that you are happy and suscessful without them. Make him think you are happier without him even if it kills you. Always remind yourself of the bad he has done. YOU DESERVE BETTER!

  • mimi

    @Kelsey -

    i think this quote describes my boyfriend that i just broke up with because a) i think i was the type of girl he was into 10 yrs ago when we met but not now b) i know if he had the chance to go with a few various ladies he would but he said ‘sure she wouldnt go out with me’ ie. he’s with me cause im the best he can get’ which has resulted in me loosing a few groups of friends and becoming isolated and c) he lies and watches porn even though it really upsets me.
    So even if u do find a guy that matches all the characteristics in this quote, it may last a long time like my relationship- 10yrs but nothing lasts forever

  • Marie

    I have been reading through these posts as I was looking for answers to my Relationship breakdown.. My boyfriend of 4 years told me last week that he didn’t know if he wanted to be in a relationship with me anymore.. although tells me he loves me and is confused.. He says he is not ready for marriage or kids as he is too young.. I’m a state. Any little thing I do seems to piss him off and trigger another row.. Im so unhappy but want this to work so much. I thought we would be together forever – he used to say we were going to be together forever :-( Why do people say this if they dont mean it? When I got with him I couldn’t believe my luck, he was perfect in my eyes and i thought i was the luckiest girl alive to be with him.. Now i can’t imagine not being with him and feel so alone.. i moved away from all my family and friends to be with him.. I seem to be hanging around hoping things will get better? He says he doesnt want to lose me and misses me when im away, so why does he have thoughts of not wanting to be in a relationship anymore.. Im so confused.. After reading your posts on here I should probably walk away and be with someone that wants the same things as me but i dont have the will power :-(
    I will keep reading through this site..

  • anotherdud

    @Marie – There is much to be said for tough love. As long as you are there, obviously when he is unsure if he wants you to be, you are devaluing yourself and saying that you will settle for what little you get. Believe me, I know this. I have done this. I did not exercise tough love…I tiptoed around on eggshells trying to please my husband, trying to be the perfect wife, trying to be understanding and patient…when I should have been mad as Hell and put boundaries in place a long time ago. I was afraid I’d lose him………….
    but guess what? I lost him anyway, and with him went my self value, the only life I had built for myself and my two children, and every dream I had dared to dream.
    Do I wish I had been different? Absolutely. Perhaps he wouldn’t have pursued another married woman, perhaps he would…..but at least I would have been left with myself. Now, I don’t even know who the Hell I am! I’m just a discarded and broken woman that still twirling around looking my soul!
    You sound young Honey. Don’t ever let any man do you that way.
    I didn’t when I was young…and I wish I had never changed. Men want women that love themselves,, and you have to put yourself first. That’s hard to do for us, for many women are loving and giving, to a fault. I would fall into that category…….
    Move on. If he loves you, he’ll come get you. If he doesn’t, then stop wasting your time with his ambivalence. Bless you…and protect your heart……..There is no one ike you, remember that.

  • Kelsey

    @anotherdud – Thank you for this post. It seems nearly impossible to be rational and objective when there’s a big hole in your chest where you heart once was. My boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me when I was 4 months pregnant with the child we planned. I am now 6 months pregnant, and doing everything in my power to be strong and stay healthy for this little girl growing in my belly. There are some days I just want to crawl into a hole disappear forever, but I know that isn’t an option. We planned a life together, and now that life is gone. My heart still belongs to him, but I can’t obsess about us not being together.

    You said put yourself first. That is something I have to make a conscious effort to do, and I’m trying so damn hard to be successful at. I gave every part of myself to him, and feel as if I am left with nothing. I got the best part of the deal though. I am going to have a beautiful baby girl. You said, “if he loves you then he’ll come get you,” and I just have to keep reminding myself that. I want to be with someone who is going to want and love me as much as I do them. If he loves me and this baby he will choose to be with us. It just breaks my heart to think about the possibility and reality of us never again being together.

    I’m doing my very best to stay strong for this little baby, but I feel dead inside. I just want the pain to go away!!!

  • anotherdud

    @Kelsey – Take my word Darling, when you hold that little boy or girl for the first time, most of the pain will go away. You will be a new person with strengths and will to do more than you can even imagine at the moment. YOu think you love him so mch right now…..just wait till you have that baby. You will be far more picky of who is worthy to be around you or her. THEN you will know real love!
    LOve shouldn’t hurt or confuse. Some people can , but I’ve learned at my ripe of age, some people can not love or feel emotion whatsoever. There’s lots of them out there too….Even if he comes back…make sure that’s what you want, for a snake can shed his skin, but he’s still a snake…

  • Pebbles

    Hi everyone. Just wanted to share what I have been doing to help with the healing of my broken heart. I believe I have finally accepted that I am the ex-girlfriend, I find myself refering to myself as such and believe it or not, it has helped me to come to terms with reality a little more. Also over the past five months I have discussed nothing except he said, she said, we said until I believe I have worn myself out the same story over and over and over again. I got sick and tired of hearing myself speak about my break-up and I cannot imagine my family and friends (supportive as they have been) people do get tired of hearing the same sad story after a while.

    While it is still tempting to do so, I restrain myself whenever the urge comes to talk about it again, instead I have indulge myself in reading healthy, encouraging articles and books( I was NEVER a person that loves to read) I have so far read Gary Chapman’s “FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES FOR SINGLES” its great!!!

    I have learnt so much about me and how best I can address some of the weaker areas of my life in terms of my relation to people in general.

    The other thing I have done two weekends in a row is to get up and go on a bus for a LONG 4 hours drive. A change of scenery does so much to the mind, not to mention the fresh air along the country side.
    I will in no wise claim to have arrived but I am surely doing far much better today than I was 4mths ago. Yes I get lonely and I still cry and still hurt when I think of it all. Yes there were a lot of good BUT we both contributed to the break down; I have taken responsibility for my part and have apologized and I am now learning what I need to learn through this disappointment.

    It is not the end of the world, its the end of a chapter,period, season,phase, whichever word best describes it. Though I would love to(about 2yrs from now) love again, if it doesnt happened, I believe I have tasted of the greatest pleasure one can get on this earth and that is to love and be loved.

  • Tam

    Thanks i really needed to hear that. I’m going through a break up now and it’s very hard for me. One min he loves me to death and the next min he doesn’t. I have made up in my mind that i don’t want to go back…

  • nikita

    hi…my boyfriend of 5 years said yes to marry another girl out of family pressure and is now engaged to her….i was aware of what he was doing but did not have the courage to stop him and get him back then….i have no doubts in my mind about how much he loves me till now and i too love him a lot….
    i can even forgive him walking out of me and not standing up for me when i needed him the most provided he atleast takes a stand now and comes back to me…
    he is deeply affected at my grievances and wants to help me get out of it…but y cant he understand that to get me out this all he needs to do is the right thing….
    ive tried many times to explain to him that he’s not doing the right thing my marrying someone else when he loves me so much….its not fair to any of us…i cant move on and forget him….i ve exams in two months and i cannot concentrate on my studies…he is going to be married in two months….should i make more efforts to stop him or do i let him go….
    if i let him go…ill loose out on true love…and also neither of us would ever be able to be happy….i can’t understand what is the right thing to do and am loosing my mind….
    why is the situation so difficult for him to understand…

  • nikita

    @kelsey … just read this…..
    “Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep… wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’ re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU… The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her…”
    and guess what i got reminded of….the above content was sent to me in a mail by my ex boyfriend when we were dating….
    he used to be all the above things….then why did he not stand up for me?….he wants us to be friends because he says i am his best friend….and he cannot let me go….i dont know how to draw the line and so cant understand how this friendship thing will work….he says i am his best friend and he too cannot love anyone like he loved me again….then why is he not strong enough to do something about it and change our lives to the better….i cant let him go….i cant love another man like this….no man will ever love me more than him…..
    i cant understand what to do and where did i go wrong….

  • Max

    I am sorry that you feel dead inside specially when you been blessed with such a gift. The gift of life! It is a shame that he wont be around but maybe you should ask yourself if he will not be with me; will he be around for the child? Will he be supportive, will he want take part in her life consistently and not when it conveniences him. What role will he play in the child’s life since he does not want to be with you. It is no longer just about you and him but also about a little girl. If he is not interested in the child then step back and asked yourself this question ” is this the person that I want to be with?” His actions and responses will answer those questions. If he chose to leave thats a shame and well good luck. If he leaves and then wants to return then thats another issue you are not a revolving door and what message will that send the child one minute daddy is home and next minute he is gone. Its not enough that you experience the pain but your child as well. That stuff about let them fly and if they love you they will come back…..well whats going to happen next time they want to fly leave again and for you to experience the pain again except this time the child will experienced it with you. Once is enough! It is natural to feel hurt and lonely and it will take sometime but you need to move on. We are all entitled to fall from time to time but it is our sole responsibility to stand. Good luck

  • Pebbles

    Well, I would never know until I’ve been there. Oh my God I had one of the most terrible week. My ex kept calling and texting and when I didnt respond he shows up in my office(we work at the same place), wanting to have “small talks”. Anyways the days following he leaves gifts and notes on my desk. I was furious but at the sametime I was melting. Lastnight was the real breaking point, he told me that one of the two girls he has been dating wants to have a relationship with him, he really likes her but he would rather give our relationship another try. By the time he got done talking to me I found myself giving into his desire of trying our relationship again. I left the office and went home and I had ONE OF THE MOST AWFUL NIGHT. I felt such a pain in my heart, I have struggled these past months with so much hurt and pain and trying to put my life back together after the heartbreak and then to end up with this. I knew I made a mistake the minute the words “lets try again” left my lips. I cried and agonized all night, all I could think of was the multiple wounds that I would be opening up and the excrutiating pain I would be putting myself through if I really go thru with this again. IT BECAME VERY CLEAR TO ME HOW TRULY BROKEN I WAS AND HOW FAR AWAY FROM HEALING I AM. For those who believe in prayer, I asked a good friend of mine to help me pray for God’s strength to fix a mistake I just made. This morning I called him and told him that I made a mistake lastnight, I am just not able to get back with him. He was VERY understanding(surprisingly). I feel GREAT, like a load off my shoulders. To all those who might find themselves in the same position that I did, even if you give in, know that at the end of the day your heart will never be at peace until you have made the right decision. I know I have to start all over again with the NO CONTACT rule, but I do feel a bit wiser and stronger because of my blunder.

  • Kelsey

    @Pebbles – I’m proud of you Pebbles. I know how hard it was to tell him you didn’t want to try again when that’s all you’ve been wanting. You took a HUGE step :)

    I’ve taken like 20 steps back in my healing process. I’m now 6 months pregnant, and couldn’t feel more alone, not to mention the hormones are making me an emotional wreck. I recently found out that my ex (i hate that word) started dating someone not even 2 weeks after he ended our 8 year relationship, and she is now his girlfriend. They are exclusive and she’s already saying she’s in love with him. One of the hardest things in the world to do is watch the one you love love someone else. If you haven’t noticed, I love quotes!! The following is a quote I read to try and help with the pain. “Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.” Stay strong girl…you’re doing great!!

  • John

    Thank you all for the wonderful comments and suggestions. I am going through a terrible break up: my fiancee has cheated on me when I was abroad for over 4 months. She never told me about it, but I found out about it by looking through her texts to the guy. After she slept with him she told me over the phone that she wanted to date, and be single. She never even told me, “Let’s break up”. She kept denying sleeping with him, and I literally had to drag it out of her. Of course I was madly in live with her, and upon my return to the US was prepared to do the next serious move…. I was shuttered, and I have never felt so much pain inside after I found out what she did. Reading the comments on this website has helped me to cope with that horrible pain and feeling of loneliness and dispare.
    First I wanted to leave her, but I loved her so much that I endup staying, while she could not decide whether she wanted to be with me or with that other guy. I can’t believe I gave her time to choose between me and him. By the time she chose me, the guy she had slept with left abroad to see his family. Even when with me, this girl kept writing him emails about how much she missed him. But he kept ignoring her. So, now he is coming back from abroad and she tells me that she wants to be single again.
    My heart is in such great pain that I do not know what to do with myself. I keep telling myself to stop thinking about her, but still keep doing it. I must get the strength to forget about her. Love made me so weak, I feel like she is the drug I can’t stop taking.!

  • evans

    i am still in luv with him although he said on my face that i am not the kind of person he wants,i dont know what to do to get over him!this has been happening for more than a year now n we didnt even date for more than a year.why do i love him this much whereas he treats me like a desperate somebody???i have been trying to call him for two days but has not answered.m i really worth dis

  • anonymous

    @Kelsey –

    i absolutely love that quote! it couldn’t be anymore true.

  • Pebbles

    @Kelsey – Thanks for your word of encouragement, they really go a long way especially this morning when I miss him soooooooo much. Our emotions can really take us on a roller-coaster ride. Over the weekend I cried so hard, the memories haunted me like crazy. I was about to wash my hair and I remembered how much he loved washing my hair for me, now he’s washing his new girl’s hair and the thought of that shattered my world over the weekend. When will these things hurt less, when will we adjust to the reality that all we use to share is now shared with someone new, when will we not give a sh.t about who hair he’w washing or who’s hand he’s holding or who’s bed he’s in, when, when. when,. I am tired of going backward(mostly in my mind) I really want to be free from the pain. My heart aches for him so much this morning and when I saw him at the office he’s so HAPPY and smiling as usual. They never hurt!!!

  • Tari

    I had just broken up from a bad relationship. more to the point i tried to brake it off and than realised the wollaping pain that followed which i had not anticipated. At the start of the relationship i knew he wasnt my sort of guy but after years of being single it felt nice to hear I love you and want to marrry you. but problems such as i cannot meet his child but yet he has been residing in my home with my daughter happily eating and watching our tv for the last eight months. The endless excuses began to appear its head when i would ask why cant I come to your home but with much persuation he eventually let me visit his home which was a pit and was left in the same position that his childs mother had walked out of. five years previous. eventually I found that he was staying at his mothers which i was also not allowed to go to until eventually demanded after discovering she has been away from the flat for two months. when i visited like a good plank samaritan i cleaned the heaving mess. anyway after a month together he stated he had no work. i took care of him financially believeing his every word he will look for work but found he has not been active in seeking employment. four months later I lost my job but he wasnt there combforting me emotionally. infact he soon managed to get buiilding work. he began to distance himself, again coming out with all excuses imaginable. he began to ignore my calls some days and would text back two days later and so on, telling me how much he loved me. It broke my heart because i couldnt understand how he would say he loves me and wants to marry me but yet he is nowhere to be seen. I could see i was becoming into this nut case and who would sit and call him for hours on end but for him to ignore me. I began drinking excessively and would turn up to his home although he lets me in and has a shag i feel sick the next day and go home and cry knowing he would only ignore my calls. i would beg to see him and couldnt get him out of mind. i felt he totally raveged my brain and took over my mind. In my mind i knew I didnt recognise this person that i became. I would cry every single day. i would tell myself to be strong and where is that woman who is tough and helps and aids her friends. I didnt care about my appearance anymore. my daughter and I began to have arguments. the thing i never understood was why he would tell me he loved me and arrange he will visit and yet never visited. I couldnt understand the mental torment. Eventually i realised i had gone for two weeks without seeing him. I laughed at myself and thought are you dead or still alive. so his abscence didnt kill you. that was when i took the longest soak in bath and put on my best dress and did my hair and make up. i looked in the mirror and i said welcome back my girl.
    Dont miss understand the pain was there but the realisation i was still living was good. I realised the only person that was tormenting me was in fact me. i was the one calling and i was the one going to his home. needless to say the only way to stop the torment aspect is by ensuring i have no communication and would not have to hear the word I love you i want to marry you one day. I will tell you the look on my teenagers daughters face when she returned from her friends that day was the best look any mother could wish for. I apologised to her for my behaviour and for having her loose the very thing she respected me for which was i was strong woman. I began to make myself go out each day. I joined a gym and took out my aching heart on that running machine and i prayed read books. I looked for job each day. three weeks late i now have a job starting tomorrow. Yes i called him but thankfully he never answered that was only after indulging in wine. i am grateful because each day i never see or him i grow stronger. but i will say one thing I do believe in love but I will be alert on who i pick.

  • StayStrong

    Hey Im new to this site and have read all of your posts… i guess im not the only one… i just found out that my boyfriend got married and never told me last November..it was through the courts and i found out on my own… it was a really weird relationship from the beginning because i met him with a girlfriend, i know its wrong or whatnot but i had just gotten out of a really bad relationship with my ex Fiancee called off a wedding and this guy was there… after almost 3 years it has been great lately a lot of fighting but he is there for me like ever before… he is not the regular types that do these things so i am like in shock…. he has been crying and saying how sorry he is and of course im furious, he doesnt want to let me go and i dont know why… he says his feelings are just more invested than what he though they were, well mine are too, i didnt think we would be here and i thought he was going to be someone that passed on through but he stayed and so did i.. now im devastated, i havent really cried yet because i still think im in shock… i dont know what to do i am very strong willed and theres nothing more for me with him… i just need support i guess and see what i am not alone with this.. i dunno im reaching out in all ways… i want to hurt less and go through this easy… he doesnt stop calling me and wanting to be here…he is so confused, i think he married for financial reasons however the case may be he did it and i am truly hurt….

  • Shaylee

    Three days ago, my bf of 2 years pulled the rug out from under me, said he needed to be alone. He said it through a freakin text message!

    I’m living at my mom’s house now, and I have no idea what I’m going to do next. I had planned my life around my boyfriend’s plans. He was my only friend in the world, sad to say.

    I’ve been reading “The Secret,” “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” and “Emotional Intelligence.” It’s good to do some inner work to get through this!

  • rosecarmen pompilus

    Thank you all for your suport, cause im going trough the same problem right now 4 months ago my boyfriend of two years left me for another girl this is the worse thing that’s ever happen to me he says she gives him more attention than i do but he still in love me we have a six months old baby and the other girl is 4 months pregnant his parents want him to marry her but he doesnt fell like this is the right thing to do because he still love me he just call and tell me he wanted to leave her and be with me i do want that but im scaried that he is going to do the same thing when he find another girl that gives him more attention im so confuse, i dont know what to do.

  • StayStrong

    hello again, i read through these last 2 quotes and seems to me that we are just in one way or another trying to deal… For some odd reason i kind of hope that he would be a jerk and not return my texts or calls or call me or see me and show up to my house like he did on Friday… so that i can really just say this is it…. this is where i need to stop and love myself more. But i cant. He makes it so difficult… i swear that he talks to me as if he is not married. Or never got married. Weird as it sounds. Ladies, its going to hurt really bad and its going to be one of those things that we think we will never get over. We think that its ok to just be strong all the time, but sometimes we do need time to ourselves and mourn, but not be self destructive. we need to do things with time. When its right for us and I have learned that in my own situation. Dont be afraid to act on your feelings but with rationality.In my situation i think that i am not yet ready to leave for the same reasons he isnt. But it will come one day when i will be and maybe it will be better then than it is now… i am not sure. I get sick to my stomach where i cant even eat because it was the way it happened. But we all have to do things that will be right for us at this moment. Emotionally we may not be able to let as of yet and thats OK…. its ok not to hate me and then tomorrow do. Its a natural emotion to feel. So dont be questionining the WHY you love him so much just question do i stay or leave…. either way its going to be hard.

  • anotherdud

    It IS hard…not that it’s going to be….IT IS!
    He’s made a choice Hon, and you were not it.
    Don’t mean to sound insensitive, but I call em like I see em.
    He is now married, and not to you.
    It is wrong if you let it continue in anyway…physically,emotionally, temporarily, in any way…it is wrong.
    I don’t believe he stood at the altar with a loaded shotgun at his head. He’s dishonest, He’s a player, and he’s married.
    Move on to someone that can appreciate you, and do NOT look back. If you do, it’s sinning and it’s breaking the law…….
    he’s worthless and he is messed up! Don’t let him mess you up that badly either. Good luck.

  • Makkie

    Hi Pebbles.

    We are in the same boat but I wasn’t as strong as you, I gave in. I allowed his sweet nothings to melt my heart and the resistance I had bulit. It was four weeks of bliss and then it all happened again. He chose everything else over me, and as much as he claims to love me that Love is just not enough to fight for me or US. I admit it’s easier to let go this time than with the initial break up but it still hurts.

    I decided that I can’t keep doing this with him. I know it’s the right decision and reading your post gives me hope and strenghth and inspires me immensley.

    Thank You, have an awesome day.

  • nikita

    @anotherdud – hey…what u ve written does seem to be the answer to my issues, i have not spoken to him since his engagement but have not failed to remember him tons of times during the day…i am not calling him or trying to convince him either because i truly believe that i should let him go..if our love is strong enough and if it is meant to be, it will happen. my friends tell me i am behaving stupidly and its high time i should face the reality. but the hope is the only thing that keeps me going…he’s going to be married in another month and i ve exams in the same month i.e a few days before his marriage…i cant screw up these exams cos my life depends on them…but it still seems so difficult to concentrate and study…im scared and worried…i really ve forgiven him for surrendering to his parents wishes and saying yes for marrying someone else…but i am very upset about the fact that he did not think of me even once before taking his decision…i dont know what to do…or is there even something i CAN do?…

  • Pebbles

    @Makkie – Hi, I am glad that I am able to help someone else find some courage to face this very awful time. It really is one step at a time. I still hurt so bad sometimes but I still continue to read, go out, learn more about me and try to keep focus on healing, while he constantly brings his girls to the office and at the same time tells me how much he would love to work on his relationship. The next three weeks should be a lot easier to deal with as he should be on vacation somewhere with his girls, it will hurt to know that they are out there enjoying themselves while I am hurting BUT I am glad that I dont have to see them everyday being smiley and giggly in my face. When he gets back from his vacation I should be out off for the next three weeks, so I am really looking forward to much growth in me for the next couple of weeks. Not seeing him will certainly make it a little easier for me.

    I know that the pain will eventually go away, so we just have to hang in there and continue to encourage each other. We may make a blunder now and again but thats just all in the game of really getting over. I try real hard to see myself somewhere happier this time next year, not necessarily in another relationship BUT being TOTALLY free from inside. Free from bitterness, hurt, unforgiveness and the holding on to what could have been. I look forward to that day with great anticipation and you should too.

    It may take us sometime, but like many others have expressed on this site TIME DOES HEAL ALL WOUNDS, just continue making the effort everyday.

  • StayStrong

    I agree that in time wounds will heal, its just the process that hurts. The hurt is greater than time itself, however, we do need to try like Pebbles stated. Just continuing to make the effort goes a long way. Even if we dont see it right now. I just saw mine today for a couple of hours we talked but still i get sick to my stomach, i still havent eaten and i still have not cried… weird. I am strong with what i say however its so hard to do it. I wish that my words were there to be the force instead of my actions… I tell him no but my heart just wants it. I need to tell my heart to stop… He has never rubbed anything to my face, but i feel like he has… i hear all these other posts and it pains me to see that each of us is hurting like that or that this other guy made us feel it. I am not very good at walking away from him… neither is he of me, but we have to do it.. when i dont know.. i know that i failed myself and everything i stand for… its just so hard.

  • StayStrong

    Just to add: Sometimes we need to just let it go and make that decision, but then we need our hearts to heal as well… to everyone hurting we will get there where no pain will be in our waking moment. It will be within our reach we will hit those bumps that will halt us from doing so… we might see him again, maintain a relationship again! But its a stepping stone to really separating… separating from something that will not be. I do believe, very rarely does it happen, that the guy depending on how he is can hurt like we are hurting and does not want to let go for the same reason we dont. Despite their situation. However, time will let us know when we need to stop… either we keep on hurting, or let time do it for us… some of us are not ready to make a moving decision yet, but we have to. Its hard but dont wait for the answer, you will probably not make it today… or tomorrow. But you will make the decision to leave and when you will you will be ready more than ever…

  • Johnners

    It’s coming up nearly 4 weeks since my original post and I thought I would share how things are. This particularly goes out to Pebbles as she also still has to work with her ex-partner.

    The first and second weeks of March were an absolute nightmare at work but things are changing now. I hardly spoke to anyone, wasn’t eating, had no motivation, wasn’t sleeping, was aggressive and everyone knew something was ‘up’. I decided towards the end of that week that enough was enough. I had a weekend away on the 13th March with my friends and tried to forget all my troubles and what the next week at work would bring. I decided that I would be as normal as possible at work and try to get back to who I was, I wanted to try and feel good about myself again.

    So at work, I joked with people again, I chatted to people about the weekend, sports and just general stuff. I never believed in a million years what this would do….not only did it make work seem more bearable, my ex-partner really didn’t like it one bit. I basically was how I used to be with everyone except her. As rude as it sounds I just didn’t acknowledge her at all – I didn’t say morning or good night, I never spoke to her about anything including work issues (If there were any genuine issues she had to email them because I wouldn’t even answer the internal phone) She tried to speak to me once and sent a couple of emails but I basically told her to get lost. I started to get some control back on my working life and that felt better and better everyday.

    One day a week I work in a different office, and when I went to work on one of those days I opened my email and got a huge shock…the below email was waiting for me

    “I just wanted to reiterate what i said in my previous email about the fact that I do appreciate everything you did for me and how much you supported me. I know what you said about emails, that’s why i tried to talk to you at work yesterday (even though it wasn’t exactly the right time or place) to say that I was sorry about everything that has happened and the way I went about things.

    I do miss our friendship and hoped there was a slight chance we could save some sort of friendship which I know I have said before but I am guessing that isn’t possible?. I know after everything thats happened that you might never want to speak to me again unless you have to, so I promise I wont email you anymore after this. I don’t want to pester you and end up going round in circles so I will just leave you alone from now on and let you move on from all of this mess. If you think there isn’t a way we can ever have any form of friendship then I do understand – I just thought it was worth a shot.

    We were so close and such good friends – you may not feel like that now but we were. I know my actions caused this but I would like to save something from all of this.

    I do apologise for contacting you again and I am sorry if you really dont want to hear from me but I wanted to try. I do wish you all the happiness in the future”

    I ignored this email and then the following week I got another one asking if I would ‘Meet for coffee or someone after work as friends’ I declined (so much for her promise of never emailing again)

    I have heard rumours from around the office that things aren’t going very well for her but I am not responsible for her. I helped her and supported her at every opportunity while we were together and it was rewarded with lies & deceit. How selfish can people be to think they can pick you up like a toy when their life is going down the drain and you’ll be there for them? Don’t get me wrong, I do still think about her and, boy, I don’t half get overwhelmed with anger sometimes but the no contact rule is a MUST. I’m not going to say that everyday is easy because it’s not but overall it does get ‘easier’.

    Pebbles – go into work and even if you do care don’t show it. Be yourself, chat on with work colleagues, show that you are ‘OK’ (even though you’re not), plan to do stuff with friends and generally keep yourself busy. Whatever you do, DO NOT speak to him, respond to his texts or emails, and stay out of his way wherever possible. If, like me, you have to deal with him for any genuine work reasons then tell him to email you and respond only if your job requires you. If you start doing this then things start to feel better, you start to control the situation….

  • ready

    I have a question for everyone that I’ve been asking myself the last few days. Getting over a break up is all about finding yourself and regaining your confidence, self esteem, etc. but why is it when you finally get all that back and say you do get into a relationship you tend to lose all that you worked so hard on? Any tips on how to stay true to yourself and still be content in your relationship? Or another way I was thinking about it is maybe you really hadn’t found yourself just yet and that’s why it was so easy to drop all your hard work.

    I believe my heart is healed and ready to move on but worried that ill fall back into the rut of my last relationship where I became SO consumed in him and us that I lost sight of me.

    Thanks everyone and remember it does get better!

  • anna

    well my ex broke up with me on womens day , n it hurts me as fuck ,the worst thing that it was my fault … we have been datin for 1 n a half years , and i miss him so badly that it burns me from inside n i am getting depessed , i know that we will never be togeather , n realising the reaility is rly hard :( i dont know how to get over him :( i see him every day in my college :S it sucks to see how he hugs another girls , i am jealous , i would love to get the realashioships back …but its impossible , i would love to get some advices :(

  • Pebbles

    @Johnners – I am glad to hear that you are doing much better. Well I am doing great, this week has been the best in the last five months. My ex is on vacation so I dont see him nor his girls and thats really a relieve. He calls and text me for the pass four days, guess he’s just trying to ensure that I dont forget him while he’s not in my face everyday. While I recognize that I am still at the place where he can hurt me with what he says and does, I have found that if I channel my energy elsewhere, the impact is less.

    I am pretty excited also because I am moving from where I use to live into somewhere more comfortable. and that will be a very busy venture. My ex has no clue about this I and I intend to keep it that way. Its just one more way to move away from what was.

    I will also be doing cross training in another department, just to learn something new and keep the motivation level(to come to work) on a high

    I still miss him often and I still think about him everyday, but the pain is beginning to fade and I do see myself at a much better place. When the “dark” days come, I just allow myself to feel it, cry it out or talk it out knowing that tomorrow will be a brighter day.

  • danica

    @Pebbles – hi pebbles you’re not alone we’re on the same thing. Missing the person you love and thinking that as of now he’s making the sweet moments with the new girl hurts so much. It makes me cry a lot. I’m also always asking myself when will be the time where I will not be affected with both of them, when will be the day where I can strongly say to the hell I care about them, when will be the day that I will not feel jealous with them when, when , when. .

  • danica

    @rosecarmen pompilus – knowing the one we love had somebody new really hurts inside especially when we still love them and I personally can relate with your situation. My boyfriend of two years cheated on me. As he observed that our relationship is in a state of 50-50 due to being busy with preparing for the future he secretly courted other woman so that once he’ll break up with me automatically the’re will be somebody new who will replace me and who he’ll loved and cared for. I guess as he courted the girl he does not inform her that we’re still fixing our relationship. One day as he saw that the new girl fall inlove with him he automatically became cold to me, he even want me to go away from him. He also told me that he only see me as friends only not as a lover anymore. OH my gosh as easy as that?as fast as that? I hate him for that but I can’t deny that there’s a day where I miss him. He told me to text him if ever I’ll be missing him but I rather choose to cut all the communications rather than depending my emotions on him. I can’t take texting him waiting for his reply while he’s not waiting any of my text since she’s busy with the new girl. Sometimes I feel hatred towards the girl and I feel insecure but then I just don’t show it. Everytime I go to the city or having my duty in the hospital I’m always praying that as of now that I’m not okay emotionally and physically I hope we’ll not meet our way. I’m still on my process of moving on and counting the days it’s just 3 wks. days passed by and the pain is still fresh. I’m having hard time without him but I guess l must accept the fact and live my life without him.

  • yetundefrances

    it sounds so practicable to folow the step of healing but realy its not easy.I used to be strong,I have offered peolpe married and single about handling their affair an dmy speaciality is to talk somone out of heartbreak. but then when i got into that same shoe, i was helpless. all techniques failed me. we ve been friends for years, dated for 8years and we were already concluding marriage plans. He was the bedrock of it. He wanted me so badly, showed me off at every oppourtunity.he would hardly spend 3hrs without getting in touch.We ve passed though hard times and come out. we understood eachother,and we hardly see things differntly. my folks were not realy glad about the relationship, but they came to terms with me ,when they saw how unwavering our love was.our engagement was the happiset moment we had, we both cried as if our future depended on it. the love song turned dirge bearly 7wks after. It was the ugliest breakup scene i ve ever heard.as loveable as he was, was the hatred he showed.terrible words filled hte air….I was uncontrollable. i almost lost life.
    no sympatheizer said the right words. all words to console me were hurting. i was given many books to read, but what we shared passed what were confronted in the books.I was in state for months,
    but then Jesus Christ came along.I would converse with him as if I saw him I will tell him everything. My griefs, my pains, hopes…
    that was how my healing began.
    for those who are still suffering, i think turning to God of your religion bringd the relief. It is surrendering to the supernatural power. there is a power, we believe it or not that sees every situation, and always willing to help only if we surrender. I,m still in the process of healing, but ve passed the aching phases.my happiness doesnt lie in him anylongeri still think about him but i feel no pain.

  • kathy

    i like what you had to say, I am going through a similar situation…learning to accept the fact that i am the ex-girlfriend we brokeup about 7 months ago and there are times where I am strong then times like these where I cant just bear it. I feel so lost, and lost sometimes in drunken sorrow just to forget. I think i feel like this still is because when we broke up a week later he started talking to another girl and they have been together this whole time. Me and him never had closure everything ended through the phone. I think its still me trying to find answers and its not healthy.

  • Terri

    I was reading Dyer today, looked at his website and found an article of his on letting go…

    “Let go, let God….”

    I am not a religious individual, but highly spiritual and these words give me so much peace and grace.

    They are the only thing that has eased the pain of my 11th day after the breakup of my soulmate…..

    his doing supposedly to his failing health.

    blessings,

  • yetundefrances

    its really heartbreaking this guy or that lady made us feel that way.I liked it when kathy said somrthing about accepting the fact she is the ex-grlfrnd,that is huting, hard to bear, but simply hte first steps to letting go.We had rather let go sooner because thse jilters dont see us for who we are again. they dont think about their victims again especially when they’ve found for themselves another dude or bitch.they dont feel the pain, if they do, they would have come back when they saw what each is going through, it doesnt worth the grief, it is just normal to grief especially when you ve been sincere, devoted committed and sacrificing during the relationship

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  • Mishu Islam

    @Terri – Please keep your hopes up in God Almighty who is our creator and sustainer. Know that if no else in the world understands your pain he does. You have to call him for relief with patience and determination. On your part help others as well so you may learn from them. I went through the biggest pain I can remember and learned a whole lot. Keep searching and reading good and positive things because it is our knowledge that guides us. I wish you success.

  • Judy

    Hello all , well I post once again, to give you an update on my situation. Just as I though , it came to pass .. his girlfriend dumped him ( my soon to be ex hub ) when her husband found out about their affiar… You all would be proud of me when hubby was nice to me ,and I turned away and stayed strong… I know ,as all of you will as well, that we all deserve better then them. No one has the right to make you feel bad about yourself, or hurt you in such ways as they do, all because they can…I finally got the strength to stand up for myself and believe it or not, I am now the one smiling…Soon I will be filing for divorce and he will be out of my life for good, and I will move on to find someone who does deserve me … keep strong all of you, for a new day, and a new love is waiting for us all right around the corner !!

  • Rachel

    @Kelsey – Hi Kelsey, Your story touched me and made me believe I could get through my break up. I feel terrible for you and am so proud of what your doing. You are amazing!!!!!

  • Kelsey

    @Rachel – You are too sweet Rachel. Thank you for the encouragement. I’d be lying if I said it was easy. Each day is a struggle, but I use this little girl in my belly as motivation. My heart still hurts like hell but one of these days it will become easier. It makes me so happy that my story touched you and is helping you. All I can hope is that my story will help people. Thank you for making me smile :)

  • anotherdud

    Hope that you have decided to move on?
    I know your heart breaks, but honey, it isn’t now like it may on down the road, for this guy is a snake. There are other words for him too.
    I have come to a new observation now while going through my own horriffic break up
    You see, committed men, married men, have other relationships….simply because they can. If they can, they will. Women, we have to stick together. Right now, there is no shortage whatsoever of lonely people- lonely women, however, there is a shortage of good men. These men would be less apt to behave in the way they do, if women would stick together, and start demanding the respect we deserve. We think we can keep them by being “good”. Wrong. You give them an inch and they will take a mile…and you’re left worse off than before. Create your own boundaries, and stick to them. It’s all a part of loving yourself first…which they have perfected quite well. Then and only then, will we find someone worthy of us. Then we can let the scraps have the scraps, if you know what I mean. Love yourself first, and you will be far happier now, and forever. I am late in life to learn this lesson, but I have learned it well. I hope my loss and pain will benefit someone somewhere…so I’m telling you like it is. Tough love is the only love worth keeping. I wish you well, and all of us who have to mend our hearts from the unworthy. We will survive and we will thrive!

  • StayStrong

    @yetundefrances –
    I agree with yetundfrances on the process of healing… I was always the one that ppl went to for advice, shoulder to cry on, etc when it came to these situations and i was the strong one, but when it hit me in the face i was in and still am in shambles. You do have to let go and let go and there is nothing you cant go through that he didnt put you in himself. We are strong enough to be in it and we are strong enough to pull through it. Its hard to believe but that aching pain that you wake up to each morning and that void in your heart will be there, no doubt about it… but we have to let it go. Just let it go and see… its hard to say because even me writing it i am hurting but life is not easy and love is hard to come by. The more people I talk to the more i come across with these affairs and doube lives that both men and women take part in… why has our society come down to this, i have no idea… but it hurts and we wont be the last nor the first to share our pain. I have sought help as well professionally because in all honesty sometimes I can not do it alone even when i want to. I need to heal and people heal differently. Others place deadlines, or others just continue on with the relationship, at this point i say do what is right for you… do what your heart says its true. If you need to stay a little longer because of some reason then do, be selfish now, and help yourself. I have to sometimes talk to him and listen to his voice and for me it gets me through the day and then i feel better, lately i have not been looking for his calls because ive already gone through that period. I do believe in soulmates and I do believe that sometimes we meet people at the wrong time… doesnt mean our hearts cant love them or care for them deeply. Ive now realized that. Love is not a fairy tale as much as we want it to be. Its a battle that we need to survive and get through. No matter what. So lets stick together and hold our ground, remember we all heal differently. There is not a right or wrong way to go about this, thats why we are here looking for the answers, but in reality the answers and healing time will come on their own.

  • Vanessa

    I was recently dumped by my boyfriend of 7 years. He dumped me three times in a span of 11 days (from March 26, 2010 – April 5, 2010).

    I’m 23 and he’s 22. We met in highschool and became sweethearts, bestfriends. We have broken up twice already but those were just little break ups and we got back in each others arms.

    His mom does not like me since day 1. He’s an only child without a father. Imagine how his mom loves him dearly. It was never an issue to us (or maybe to me) that I am not friends with his mom. He’s been telling me that once his mom dies, that’s the only time we could move in together at his house. I can’t accept the fact that he has no plans of making things better between me and his mom. (He’s just waiting for his mom to die after how many years?)

    Last March 2010, I felt there was an “issue going on”. He was not the same man i have been loving for the past 7 years. He became distant, unintimate, irritated whenever i’m around. So I was trying to figure out what the heck did I do wrong. Then March 26 came, he went over to my place and broke it off with me. He said he needs space and time. He is confused if he still wants to be with me. I was thinking how immature this man could be! He said he’s not sure if he still loves me and that the old him as been long gone. Basically, he acknowledged that he changed a lot. He told me he does not know why these things are happening. I begged him that night to save our relationship. But he said NO. I stayed away for 2 days, no text no call no everything. Then he called my home phone. He asked me to drink up with him and talk. So we went out March 30. I asked him again to try to rekindle our relarionship. For the second time, he said NO. Again, I was devastated. I stayed away then after 3 days he called me again asking me to go out with him. I said yes and we talked. I told him for the third time that we can try again and work things out. I said I would be willing to give back all my trust. For the thrid time, he said NO.

    The next day I learned from a common friend that my ex has been seeing his girl classmate (25 years old). This girl is currently in a 9-year relationship with her boyfriend. Imagine, my ex and I have been together for 7 years while his new girl is with her boyfriend of 9 years. I told my ex that if he could try to love me again because he has my assurance that he’s the only man i love as compared to his new girl who may be confused between the 2 guys she’s seeing, right? But my ex just said NO not this time. I want to enjoy being single.

    So after April 5, I definitely stayed away. Today is my 4th day and I think I’m still huring. Knowing that he isnt making ways for us to talk again. No communication at all.

    How is he able to move on too fast? I’m being left here thinking what I can do to somehow ease the pain they caused me. I’m a good person and I don’t deserve to be treated like this. Has he forgotten me?

    What do I do? Help.. Thanks!

    • yetundefrances

      @Vanessa –
      i am not sure if i would be off help. but i was touched when i read 7yrs.it hard to find relationships that long,and it drives one mad when it head on a rock. i have been there myself.that you guys cnt resolve the isssue with the mum is scary, the same scenario applied to me so i cant blame you much. how would you conclude better life only if the mother dies. it is a sin number1. nd funny enough, peolpe like that dont die early. i used to say that too, until i realized she maynot die early enough to make our dreams com true. the bulk of the balme is on guy, cos i know through out, he would be assuring you of no problem, ‘i will handle my mum’ i bet that s what he says, but obviously he cant handle the situation, is that the kind of man you want, that wont be in control?really the mum cnt like you that much, she sees you as a counterpart, maybe she doent even have a man to call her own, so she sees her son as her man. and unfortunatly you are in love with her man.it would have been the work ofhte guy to resolve that.even if he didnt break it off with you, i would have sugeste that earlier.he is not a strong man. i suggest you give him the break he wants.i am not a man but i know when a man wants a thing , he wants it. and does eveything to make it come.the bitter thing i he told oyu thrice, that he is done with you.what else do you want to hear,if he wants to go any further with you, he would dicuss those differences, you will see it in him.dont be faked because, he still hangs out with you, call you or recieve your call. he is only feeling guilty. that how these heartbreakers do. they dont want you, but may still want to be friends with you or at least pretend. especially, considering the number of yrs you have been together.and when you ve been realy good to them.maybe he is a Phlegmatic person.i love the way you ve handled things.u have proof that you love hime. you stayed when you should have gone ,and that is what love is about.but he doesnt deserve your sweetness.please dont hang on for him again,heal up pls.i will get bk 2u

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