The Secret How To Get Over A Break Up

by Eddie Corbano

1,403

i hate my ex girlfriend Healing a broken heart from a lost love seems to be the most challenging venture one could imagine. A break up usually starts with a phase of paralyzing shock then turns into helplessness and deep grief. It appears impossible to ever be happy again. Wouldn’t it be good if there was a secret how to get over a break up?

What if I told you that a break up or divorce is also a very good chance? Your opportunity? Look into the abyss and see who you really are! Do you believe in this?

Well, I for one, I believe. Because it happened to me and I experienced it myself.

“You don’t know what love is
Until you’ve learned the meaning of the blues
Until you’ve loved a love you’ve had to lose
You don’t know what love is”

–Chet Baker

My own break up in 1998 was on the one hand the most terrible and painful incident that ever happened to me, again on the other hand, the very best that happened to me. Sounds pretty paradoxical, huh?

For now, I would like to ask you just to take my word for it and read on, you will understand.

The secret how to heal a broken heart didn’t come to me just like that, nor have I read about it in a book or the like. As I have written on my about-me-page, I’ve had a break up coach. Not a professional one. It was a very distant relative, who apparently called me out of the blue (today I know that it was no coincident at all). He then introduced me to the two main concepts on how to heal a broken heart.

He by himself has had a terrible divorce before and some other terrible things additionally. The measures he took, the thinking he developed literally saved his life.

Isn’t it strange that each and everyone of us has had or will have a certain point in his life where he finds himself standing at a crossroad? Ok, maybe not that strange, that’s how life works. Interesting though is why some take the way to the right and some to the left. Some recover very quickly from their break up or divorce and have grown with that experience, others take many many years to recover and after that they are not the person they used to be (in a negative way).

At the time when I met him, I have had six terrible months behind me, full of self pity, tortuous pain, loneliness and infinite grief. I was past the first painful phases of a break up, but yet not ready to move on, to make the vital step towards healing.

At first I didn’t want to meet him, I didn’t want to meet anybody. But he insisted. This was my chance.

We’ve met in a coffeehouse. I’ll never forget that. He had heard what happened to me from other people and after some chitchat the first question he asked me literally blew me away.

He asked me: “Why do you think that SHE is responsible for your happiness?”

And this was it. So simple.

Healing A Broken Heart In my eyes it was her I needed so badly in my life to be happy, to feel valuable. I held on to her to have a purpose, a meaning. I wasn’t happy on my own. It was she who made me going on, enduring myself. I absolutely didn’t love myself.

Of course I couldn’t think rationally at that time. But it was him who did the thinking for me.

He then explained his concept on how to get over a break up, how to lead a happy and fulfilling life and how to develop a stable personality. Healing a broken heart was just a side effect of his concept.

Extreme suffering during a break up is always a sign that your mindset towards life and your own person is not correct.

The main two pillars of a stable personality and therefore the main premises for a happy life, so he told me, are:

1. Complete and unconditionally self-love

2. The very personal purpose in life

Wow, that made an impression on me.

Does this make sense to you? It took me some time to get it.

Only if you love yourself completely and unconditionally, and this means to accept the way you are, your weaknesses and strengths, you can also love others. If not, everything you do is looking for approval in others. You will be looking for their light, instead of using yours.

There are quite a few methods to work on self love. Some have been discussed here and some will be discussed in future articles. They all have in common that you must take a closer look into yourself and accept what you see. Finding your inner child and affirmations are very good ways to increase your self love.

The second very important secret is to find your purpose in life and pursue it with all your heart.

What’s your purpose in life? Well, that’s the tricky part. I can’t help you much with that, that is something you have to figure out by yourself. I can only give you some tips on how to find it. There are some good books on that matter.

Deepak Chopra wrote in his book The Seven Spiritual Laws Of Success that your very purpose in life is your unique and very special talent. We have taken manifestation in physical form to fulfill this purpose. He calls it “Dharma”. Something, when you picture yourself doing it, your heart lightens up and you feel a warm feeling of happiness.

When you combine your life purpose with service to humanity, then you make full use of the Law of Dharma.

I second that.

Find something you love and are passionate about, try to help other people with your talent and then simply be the best in it! There is no greater fulfillment than finding your life purpose and serving others.

Then you will not only have your blueprint for a happy life, you will eventually notice that you have gotten over your break up or divorce on the way:

How To Get Over A Break Up

If you are suffering from a break up or divorce right now, I sincerely wish you that you will find your path and come to a higher understanding of your true Self. Only then you will be ready to find the partner you deserve.

This is a small but vital fraction of the healing process. There are more things to consider especially in the first phases directly after a break up or divorce. Watch out for further articles on how to get over a break up on this site.

Your friend,

Eddie Corbano

Photograph is a courtesy of Jennifer Krug

Make your Ex suffer! Click here to watch my FREE presentation:
"How To Make Your Ex Regret They Broke Up With You"

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About The Author:

Eddie Corbano is a breakup-coach, relationship-advisor and founder of LovesAGame. He suffered from a devastating break up in 1998. Since then, he dedicated his life to helping others getting the best of this existential experience. The overcoming of a break up is an important step to autonomy and independency. Eddie Corbano developed some new coaching programs, which focus on evolving inner strength and the power to set and reach any personal goal. (Article written on July 31st, 2007)
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yetundefrances

@StayStrong –
u a right about so many things. especially when u said we all need to undergo different haeling process, recorvery period differs, most especially when one’s self esteem is affected. you said onr ting that i did too, when it was still hot, i make calls,and when i hear him i am relieved.for days, i will be okay.atimes i will call the phone and remain mute, just hearing him speak, does alot. to others, this is wierd, but it did helped me. the usual thing to put off all your ex’s properties,too aviod seeing them was too tormenting. for months, i hung pictures,and his handmade gifts read his letters,he was a good writer. and i smile and laugh at the end of the day.i mean that is the only time u see me smiling, whaen ihold on to those memories. i did not know the actual time i was letting go.i just knew i haveit mind I WILL GET OUT OF THIS.NOW IS THE TIME TO SHOW YOUR STRENGTH,WHAT YOUVE BEEN COUNSELLING, NOW IS THE TIME TO PRACTICALISE IT.
It wasnt easy, i learnt one lesson though, you can force yourself to love somone, but if u a in love, you are helpless to be out of it. we heal differently, there are no rules.i ve consulted so many online books,counsellors on heartbreak. they all seem to follow certain rules,but nothing worked on me.
the more they tried to talk me out of it, the more i get hurt.so to all of us who are still battling with our survival, you are the only one who can talk to yourself. you are the one in the relationship, no one actually knew how good it was.try hard to stay strong, i tell you, itsnt easy, but you cant afford to loose other good things because of this haertbreaker.
they dont feel our pain, so what is the essence of mourning them
Pebbles

Hi everyone, life is something else. Filled with so much uncertainties. One just have to work it out as it comes at you one day at a time. I am into month five(5) of my recovery from my break up and believe me I have never thought about my relationship as much during the nine years we were together,like I have thought about it in the last five months.

I have read so much, councelled with family & friends,and evaluated myself. Its surprising the things you are forced to see in yourself when you are taken out of your comfort zone. I am loving where I am right now.

After refusing to take his calls and respond to his text messages, my ex showed up at my gate again. I didnt go out to speak with him,I pretended I wasnt home.I called him the following morning. It was nothing urgent that he needed, he just wanted his “to talk”. I told him that the truth is that even though the past 5mths have been real hell on earth, I am glad I walked away from the relationship because who I have become in the past 5mths is the person I am falling in love with right now.
HIs response was that I should not be hurting cause I was the one who walked away and left him in all the pain and brokeness.

Seemingly things are not so pretty with him and his flings BUT WHO CARES!!!! I DONT!!!!.
Dont get me wrong it still hurt like crazy when I see them or even think of them together but I havent cried in a while and slowly but surely the healing process is taking place and I wouldnt want to trade what I have now just to try again and then be heartbroken.
Lets keep going everyone, IT WILL ALL GET BETTER WITH TIME!!!!

Rachael

Hi Guys
I’m new to this kinda thing but it may help me. I got married in July 09 to my partner of 7 years….I loved him so very much hence why I married him. In Sept in fell and broke his neck (he is okay now, made a full recovery). I nursed him through everything and he repaid me by leaving me in the December claiming he didn’t love me anymore. I was heartbroken.
We had no contact for a few months then in March he called to discuss financial issues and we kept in touch as “friends”. He came to see me not long ago and was very upset and said he couldn’t beleive what he had done and couldn’t face what he had lost, I thought there was hope, I asked him to come home. He said he couldn’t. It turns out he couldn’t as he met another woman in Feb and has since moved in with her!! Well my heartache is just a million times worse. He came to see me yesterday, told me he loved me so much and missed me but couldn’t live with what he had done, he was only with this woman to take his mind off me.
He is very poorly and tells me things he tells no-one else so I still feel I have to be kind to him incase he hurts himself but inside, i’m dying! I told him he is being very selfish but with his depression, he can’t seem to grasp what he has done.
I just hope I can keep it together as I feel my world has fallen apart. I have lost my best friend and I am very lonely.
I just keep picturing him with her and I get so angry and feel sick to my stomach!!!
I’m the one who supported him when no-one else would and this is my payback…..I do hope Karma comes my way as I should be in for a great future!!!

StayStrong

@Vanessa –
Vanessa, I am not sure what i can offer to help you but I have been there many times, unfortunately. It really does get better.. he will come back to you, i am sure of it, but its up to you to see if you are willing to accept him. The way he went about things is just wrong and very immature. You both are also very young and maybe this is a first for the both of you. but all in all your heart hurts, you feel empty when you wake up every morning and angry all at the same time. Try to make things work for you, go out and do things to help yourself, blog with all of us here, we are all going through it as well. Be thankful that you didnt end up marrying him and then he did this to you, imagine that pain. Its still early in your life to repair at any point in your life you should always be the driver and not the passenger. Try to hold it in with him as much as you can, find what heals you… is it talking to him by text and saying how you feel or is it no contact period and finding solace in your family and friends, whatever it is there is no right or wrong way, just reaching out is the best thing you can do. Better things are out there, i promise that. Sometimes its not even the years in a relationship that makes it, its the time spent and the love within. And if he doesnt love u like that then its your turn to love yourself. Sometimes people find it better to write their feelings down and pretend to send it to their ex, like i said whatever your grievance is let it be. its your heart that needs help now. Be strong and stay strong because thats all we have left sometimes. It will get worse before it gets better or vice versa, some days will be better than others, but its the process. Its the path that we are making. Slowly but surely we will and YOU will get there. Hang in there and if you need to cry then let it out… remember its how YOU heal.
Pebbles

DAMN!!!!, what the hell is wrong with me. This morning I was fine and I even wrote how I was feeling, NOW I am a MESS and for what. My ex. who is on vacation just came to my office to have small talk, thats it! and now I am a total mess. I feel all sorts of funny unexplained silly feelings in the pit of my stomach. Can somebody please tell me when the roller-coaster ride will end, I am VERY dizzy from the twirls and turns.

I feel like I could just hide in a corner until the dark days are passed. He looked so relaxed and happy, why just seeing him and hearing his voice have such an effect, JESUS!!!! its five darn months for crying out load, he really shouldn’t be having this effect
on me still. In such a small encounter, I feel like I have regressed 10 steps backward, I didnt say anything to him really, it just looking at him that made me fall apart inside. I was hoping not to see him until Tuesday when he returns from vacation, I would have been a little bit more prepared.

OMG!!!, I feel like crap. I guess I just have to start all over again. Please I need some encouragement, anyone?
StayStrong

@Pebbles –
Pebbles, i dont know if i can help but i had a similar run in this morning, it happens to all of us sometimes. You think ur put together and then it gets thrown in your face and your a mess.. but remember that doesnt mean that you’re not going through the process or that you are not being strong.. its your heart that is still healing.. you are going through the motions and living life as best as you can and these hiccups as I call them come in for a reason… whatever it may be it could make you stronger at the end and u dont even know it yet. I am firm believer that we all heal differently and this may be a back step on your progress but hey its there for a reason… this will either show you that you need to find more time to heal or just embrace it. Its going to happen to the best of us… we think we are ok and BAM it hits us… we are human we are expected to feel if not then we would be cold hearted… feelings and emotions were there and you can not switch it of like a light switch either… so understand that as well… its an emotional as it is a physical process, and this is a stepping stone towards the direction you want to be in and your heart needs to be in.. find ways like ive said to deal, whatever it may be… there is no right or wrong way to do it… it comes… and your time will come where you will be like what the hell was i doing or im still in love and i will get through it.. whatever it is we are all here for you… go through the motions its easier that way… dont pretend it didnt happen or that your feelings didnt exist at that moment he was there.. he has an affect on you its normal… even though its been 5 mos of it your heart still needs to fix itself… so redeem yourself in whatever way you need to… its your life… no one else’s and no one can tell you how to go about it only you know whats good for you and how to deal with it.. be strong because you showed yourself you can do it for 5 mos why not more? Its only a hiccup and you will be ok.. just breathe and find solace in whatever you need to… we are here for you… hope this helped
Vanessa

@Pebbles –

Hi Pebbles.. I can sense that you’re still clinging to your past, your history. Remember, happiness is an “inside job”..Even if you didn’t talk to him when you saw each other that made your stomach turn. Because you can still see the man you loved in your past. Sorry for using the word past again, coz you have to understand that your story is over.

Please the next time you see your ex, control your mind. It’s your mind that shakens you, not your heart. It’s been 5 months since the break up. Tell yourself ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Believe in your power to control.
Vanessa

@StayStrong –

Thank you so much for taking time to reply and share your insights with what i am going through.

A part of me is subconsciously waiting for a text message from him. I am still thinking maybe he still wants to see me, talk to me. I know this is awkward because I should not expect anything because he dumped me thrice.. But why is that I still believe that there’s still goodness in his heart? This hinders me to move on.

I can say i’m better today than yesterday. But the hurt is breaking my heart. :’(
Marcus

@Pebbles –

It’s hard to tell someone who is in pain how to feel better. What I can say is that you are not alone in this journey. You will be on this roller coaster ride until your heart is ready to get off it. What I can suggest for the dizziness, is looking at all the love and wonderful attributes which you have inside and that is preparing for someone who will not only appreciate them, but reciprocate them back to you.
Remember that God gave us the ability to love and thus understanding love is to feel loss as well, so please understand that you are feeling something normal and cherished by people who have loving and wonderful hearts. This is a time to understand yourself, who you are, what love means to you, and how you love is valued by the right person. Don’t look to the dark Pebbles, look at the light in your own heart and know that it will shine again.
wen

After 21 years I find myself suddenly alone….bitter, angered, sad, depressed, etc. I have the “why me” syndrome.

It has been been almost 6 months for me and it may as well have been yesterday. I am just dying inside. I have lost faith, hope and myself in this whole mess. I have not socialized with my friends and I have not gone to Church in more than 6 months.

You think that when you get married it’s for better or worse. Well during the worse is when he decides he has to leave. You deal with the bullsh*t because you believe you are supposed to in a marriage. Isn’t that what marriage is about?

I feel like such a fool.
Graceland

HI Everyone,
As I read your blogs I feel simultaneously discouraged and uplifted. Discouraged becaused my break-up just happened 2 weeks ago and hearing that some of you have been dealing with this horrifying pain for months discourages me. I wish I can just make it all go away today. I don’t want to ever think about this person again. He cheated on me with another person and did not have the nerve to come clean even after I had already spoken to the other woman. He was telling me he loved me one day and three days later he dumped all my things in my parent’s house like if I was disposable trash. He also cancelled my cell phone because I called the other woman. After he refused to give me an explanation as to why he did this I proceeded to call the other woman to get answers. He found out and called my sister to tell her I was a psycho and I was acting crazy. He told her he had been trying to break-up with me for months but, I just did not get it. Although, two days prior he was hugging me and kissing me telling me we were going to be OK and denied her. After 6 years and several abortions later he has the audacity to tell me he did not see a future with me nor did he want to have kids. SOB then why did he not get fix. Why put me through this. The way he went about the whole break-up broke my heart and has left me devasted….and to think he is a psychologist. This pain is so incredibly overwhelming. It has left me dry and has shooken up my self-esteem. I know he wasn’t right for me but I loved him anyway. Why does it hurt so much. Why do I still care about someone that went as far as threatening me with a restraining order if I called him. How can he be with me for six years and end it this way. I don’t want to carry this pain with me for 6 months or a year. I want to erase him from my life for good and pretend I never met him. I don’t want to keep thinking of him with her. I sometimes feel like I don’t have any energy to go on. The overwhelming support from my friends and family has been incredible but even then I still don’t feel better. What do I do?
yetundefrances

@Graceland – hello graceland, i read your mail, and i sincerly dont know what to say to comfort you.
Tess

Hello there can any one help?I feel abit desperate at the mo.I have written on here before, after my boyfriend of 4 years split up with me and then later i found out he had a new girlfiend.After this my self esteem hit rock bottom due to the fact he said he never really madly loved me, and he didnt look at me and think wow.He said when he looks at his future wife he wants to think wow and he didnt do that with me.That was last April.I have felt better this year, although I have been on a acouple of dates since. The thing is a tend to get too attached to these new guys.The first date I went on seemed really keen then hre cancelled on me one night and i nevr heard from him again.This most recent one i have been on i really liked.we have been on 6 dates, i have even slept with him.He was really keen to start with.I have been trying to play it call a little not to scare him off.However i havent heard from him in a week now.I was the last one to text him and make an effort so dont want to pester him.I just dont think he is interested.Why cant I just be happy on my own.It like I need aman to be happy.When i am dating them I feel ok.Now i feel the same way I did last yr after me and my ex split.I just feel that im no good for anyone and no man can ever love me the way i love them and i have so much love to give to somebody.Its just im so scared of being on my own.,Im 27 now, all my friends around me have boyfriends some are getting married and have babies.Its like i feel so worthless on my own and I dont ant to feel that way.My family say u will meet somebody but
Nica

@Graceland – Grace I know how hard i and how painful it is. I”ve been there and I’m just a2 months a head of you. I still have ups and down everyday and I even miss my ex but then I was thinking if I chase him the more I’ll lose my dignity. I realize that though it hurts stop contacting him and chasing him will slowly start rebuild my self esteem. Since it is too early in your situation I know you feel mixed emotions, anger, sad, missing him etc. I can say that as of now I’m feeling better as the days go by. Cry if you wanna cry but never make your ex as your pedestal. Be strong. I know there are times where we hope our ex will come back to us, if you feel like this think of the bad things he did to you. If you wanted someone to talk fee free to e-mail me at lady_dawn_fantastic (at) yahoo (dot) com take care!
anotherdud

I am sorry this has happened to you Wen.
Unfortunately, you are not alone in your despair.
Many relationships are under fire, and people seem to have less human values than ever before, in my not so young eyes anyway. I hope that since your marriage was of long duration, that you will be taken care of, with a home and provisions?
Mine has left me with the two sons, and we may not even have a home in the near future..My heart is broken, but what I’m really missing is my mind! I have so much to do, and my thoughts are just not very johnny on the spot lately. I put my trust in God, for there is actually nothing else to lean on, and I know I did my best in the marriage, and with a pure heart. We will get through this…and we will better and stronger for it. Hang in there!
wen

@ anotherdud…

Yes we were together for 21 years. We have an 18 yr old. I have hopes that we will get together. He is very angry at this time. I am hoping his anger cools off and he will think clearly. He is not with anyone (that I am aware of) but has accused me of being unfaithful. Although it is not true- his insecurities is what’s leading him to this conclusion.

The weird thing is he is sort of acting like if we are still together around certain people. He recently showed up at my job with cookies (girl scout) he ordered for me and was upset because he noticed I did not have on my wedding band. WTF??? Yet he says I don’t wanna be with you right now. He gets mad when I go out. I recently went to Atlantic City for the weekend and he saw the hotel charges on my credit card statement and was upset. He is checking my texts, calls and tracking my whereabouts on my mobile phone. He is exhausting so much energy trying to catch me doing something I’m not doing. He should put that energy into trying to make things work with me.

We’ll see how the drama unfolds.
Graceland

@yetundefrances

Hello.

If you can’t find the words to comfort me, can you just imagine how I feel. I can’t find anything to console me. I he calls texts her every morning and drives down to meet her, something he never did with me. Gosh how I hate him. Someone like that does not deserve happiness. I am so angry yet sad. I wish I did not feel this way but, I can’t help but to wish him bad things. I have never felt such anger before. I also hate the other woman because even after I told her everything that happened she obviously did not care because she continued to see him. How can they live with themselves. I hope they rot in ….. How can I ger rid of this anger?
Graceland

@Nica –

Thank you Nica. I am so heartbroken. It is a challenge every day to get up and even get dressed. I am dreading the day I go back to work because although we worked in separate schools we work for the same district and our schools are a couple of blocks away. The girl he left me for works in one of his schools he is assigned to. Why did he do this with someone so close to my job. He works at the school I previously worked at. So everyone knew we were together and now I have to go back and face my co-workers. How can I? I am so embarrased. I am humiliated.

Max

They are a multitude of feelings which everyone experiences. some experience anger, some sadness, some a deep depression but they are feelings and do come after a break up. I think what is important to remember that even though we do not like how those feelings make us feel is that we feel. Could you imagine if felt nothing?! Though, in your case ANGER! After a breakup, anger is an appropriate reaction. When something has been taken away, people feel angry. Feeling the anger is okay. Acting on the anger is not. You can and should acknowledge your anger, own your anger, write about your anger, talk about your anger and eventually it will dissipate. What you should not do is act out or lash out in anger. That is not okay. It is important to remember that those feelings are natural, and are normal; is what we do to relase that energy that we need to be aware of. So take care of yourself!

There is an expression that depression is anger turned inward. Conversely, anger is often sadness turned outward. After you express anger you may feel incredibly sad and exhausted. Working out anger often leads to sadness and visa versa. Know that sadness and anger are two sides of the same coin. May peace with you!

brad

@Graceland –

I think we all understand how you feel, all too well. I still, after 2 years, at times get dragged back into memories of all the deceit and manipulation I endured for no good reason, and i stress good. Know that it will take time for you to heal, go through all the steps given on this site as many times and as often as it takes for you to recognize all the good its doing for you. The only way to ease your anger is to safely express it as much,as often, and as physically as possible. Being willing to do so is a battle in itself, the hate and anger are hardest parts to let go, but the most important.
StayStrong

@Graceland –
Graceland,

I can relate to how you are feeling and can only imagine the strength it takes you to get up and go every morning. It has happened to each and every one of us unfortunately. We are so filled with all of these emotions that we never thought we either would go through or had. I can not tell you how to go about your grief, but i know that we all heal differently so I know you are looking for the right answers here and looking for someone to tell you that its going to go away in a couple of days if you do this or that, but this is not the flu or a virus its a heartache, and those my friend are very hard to mend. Time is the only healer and of course how you look at things in your life. Right now everything is negative and nothing but vengeance and anger is being filled in your heart. But your heart once loved and it has a lot more to give as well just let it go through this emotions. Talk to people that wont judge, pick up and go to the mall, buy yourself something that you never would have before, get your nails and hair done, even though this may sound as temporary fixes it will help ease the pain during the time. It will atleast keep you busy until your heart feel it can take a step forward. You are not along because we are going through it too in different ways. Sometimes reminiscing is good to heal, sometimes talking about him is also good, its just how you heal. People heal with having no contact at all and going out and taking trips or something of that sort then others mope for a little bit, cry to sleep, and talk to friends for support on an hourly basis or whatnot. Its all ok to do it. And its also ok to feel it. To feel is your best healer, if you need a cry then go ahead, blog like you have done here, even if you need to go speak with a therapist just to have another outlook… hey whatever works just do it. I have been there and i do what makes me happy even if its just for an hour or getting me through the lonely nights. As days go by you will see changes they will be slight and you may not notice but when you do you will be like “when did this happen” i feel ok today. Whatever the case may be go with how you know how to heal… go with what will keep your MIND SAFE and EASE. Your heart will heal but dont let it consume you and when it does cause it will feel like it is then find a healthy outlet… you will be ok because your are not the first nor the last that will go through this…. just builds character and creates another part of ourselves.. now make it a positive one. =) Take care and be good to yourself, you deserve it.
ready

@Graceland –

Hello…I hope I can help you somewhat because I was in your shoes not too long ago. I worked with my ex and I mean we worked side by side with each other so imagine the awkwardness when the breakup occurred. Everyone at work knew we were the best of friends and some knew we were dating but once we broke up and didn’t even acknowledge each other it was evident we had a falling out and so came the questions, comments and stares. The way I overcame this is I walked into work everyday with my head up high and portrayed an extremely confident person even though I was dying inside. I also kept on reminding myself that I was a great person and deserved better.

You should do the same.

Hold your head up HIGH and keep on reminding yourself that you are GREAT. Should anyone dare to interfere in your business ask them politely to mind their business or excuse yourself from the situation. It’ll take time but trust me it does get better. I still work with my ex just not in close proximity to each other like we used to but I’ve gotten better at going into work still with my head held up high but with less and less suffering on the inside.

And remember you shouldn’t be embarrassed or humiliated you did nothing wrong but love someone unconditionally. Best of luck to you.
anotherdud

Dear Rachel, Your ordeal sounds absolutely heart wrenching, and I’m sure it is. I have been eerily in your shoes.
First off, remember, it is not you. It is not your fault.
Secondly and most importantly, get away from this man! Depression is not his problem, but he has problems!
In the four months I’ve been separated, I’ve learned so much..and I like you, had tolerated things I shouldn’t have, for I knew my stbx had issues, though I believed them to be bipolar.
I would suggest that you look up narcissist personality disorder. Mine, as it turns out, is a narcissist psychopath, and everything we lived was a lie. I know that word can frighten most of us, but there is much more to it than the Ted Bundy kind. There are so many who walk among us. Knowledge is power. Depresssion is just that. It can be remedied with medication, not affairs and lies. Look out for yourself, for he’s not looking out for you. Love yourself. You sound young? If so, learning the red flags of the narcissist traits and others, will help you avoid them in the future. I wish you the best, and all of us whom love so deeply, care so effortlessly, and get hurt so badly. We will survive.
Pebbles

@Marcus – Thanks Marcus, this healing thing is really a process that we have to go through. Its just one of the most difficult, but with each day I just try to do the best I can with that day.
Pebbles

@Vanessa – Vanessa, I tell my self that ENOUGH is ENOUGH almost everyday for at least the last three months, it is strengthens me to a measure but I still do feel “funny” feelings at the sight of my happy giggling ex. I have come to acknowledge that each person’s healing process time may vary. I do believe I have made great strides in refocusing my energy and time, the situation just gets the better of me sometimes and I just have to deal with it as it comes. Thanks for your encouragement though. I see myself as one of those persons on this site who will be sharing my “survival” story real soon. I just have to grow, learn and be empowered by these changes in my life

http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

I see myself as one of those persons on this site who will be sharing my “survival” story real soon.

I take your word on it .

Pebbles

@StayStrong – Thank you so much. I am taking it one day at a time, I realize we cant quite rush the healing we just have to make conscious effort daily to accept the changes in our lives and move on. The worse feeling that I get is that sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach,when he calls me or sends me text msgs about his love for me. He keeps saying that he’s not in any relationship he’s just dating and that his love for me has not changed. I feel insulted by his insensitive behaviour. Its as if I should just understand that these young ladies are just there to fill a temeporary void in his life. HELLO!!!!! I would just be another filling as well. I am still trying to stay strong. I have made an appointment to get some counseling. I really want to get to the next level, where I can see him and her/them and it doesnt ruin the rest of my day.
Lil’ old me

I read all of your entries and I can totally empathise, break ups are an absolute emotional maze to get through. I am just out of a relationship a few weeks ago. And there is just so much emotional debris left that i often do not know where to begin. Insomnia has became a big part of my life and I have no appetite, infact the thought of food turns my already knotted stomach.
I am plagued with echoes of the past, names he called me, Grace I also had to deal with the whole “She is a psycho” humilliation, that was my name for such a long time. i actually listened to it and began allowing it to chip away at me, beginning to think that I actually was the problem. Not his womanising or possessiveness, or his mean temper and vile mouth. No i believed it was me to blame for everything. Then one day i just stopped and realised i needed him out of my life. From somewhere i found the strenth and anger in me to end it.

Now i am picking up the pieces of my life and self esteem, but with all this pain I am beginning to see that I am blessed. At least I am away from that destructive relationship. This pain, for as awful as it is, is my proof that I still have my humanity which is more than i can say for him. I would suspect that he feels very little from the break up, I often wonder if he regrets life with out me or if he has replaced me very quickly. But i am taking solice in the fact that at least I WILL LEARN FROM THIS I will be different next time. I think he is destined to make the same mistakes. I WANT to be different.
My heart goes out there to all who are heart broken, its a big heart and it is sharing love to you all.
shanna

i been with this one guy for 4 years.. we broke up about 5 weeks ago.. its still killing me.. i wish there was away too forget it ever happend.. aspecially all the good times we had together.. everything in this house reminds me of him.. i cant seem to get away from his hunting memory.
Tessa

@Pebbles –

what an inspirational piece, it has given me a lot of comfort as I am utterly heartbroken at the moment and some days are just so hard for me. I am only in my fourth week of going it alone after a very painful break-up with a man I am deeply in love with, but I felt that I had to walk away as there was just too much emotionally turmoil going on between us and we just couldn’t deal with it. I thought that he was my soulmate, but he is gone, so he couldn’t have been. I know it will take some time to heal and I just need to take one day at a time.

I hope that in time, when I am feeling stronger that I can help other people deal with their pain.
M.I

@shanna – There is a therapy called EMDR , this therapy desensitizes your feeling or memories. Hypnotheray may also help.
suhadi

We have been Apart One Month.. I Feel Broken, hurt, sad, and just Bla… I know i am strong.I know i am loney,I am being honest when i say, i want him so bad, Yet hate him all in the same breath.I think abut him, I text , i call Nothing….I have never been this way with anyone. I know he is not good, and hardly ever gives me the time of day. he works to much or just never has time. amoung other things…But, i want him back, i KNOW is should not feel like this But i am , I work 3 jobs, have 3 kids, but i find i am so lonely and it’s killin me….all i htink about is him, how do i find the time ? Somehow i do…..Sigh.. I feel ..I DON’T know,I am nice looking and all just i think the idea of lookin ( again) is killin me
MyJourney

I know it wasn’t by “chance” that I found this Blog. My ex broke up with me on Valentines Day. She gave several “reasons” for needing space and time to “focus on herself” but no REAL reason as to why she wanted to end the relationship. So, there I was…broken spirit, not able to eat, sleep, focus and just in a fog. When it initially happened I was crushed to my core. I begged, cried and did everthing in my power to make things ok…and for ur to just BE. Well, that didnt happen and now I am 2 months into my healing. It wasn’t until recently (10 days ago) that I told her how much I love her, and want US..but I had to cut off all communication with her until she was ready to deal with us and our issues. It was just too much for me to deal with emotionally and mentally. I know I run the chance of never hearing from her again but I had to make that decision for ME. In the beginning..I was just willing to accept any conco she gave me, no matter how casual and short…but as the weeks moved on I realized, I was being there for HER and suckin up MY feelings but I was dying on the inside a bit everyday. So, although I didn’t want to end all communication..I knew I had to do it for me. I couldn’t let HER hold all the cards and me be totally powerless over my emotional stability. I miss her so much and I STILL have my moments where I break down and cry…I still ask “why me?”…I STILL have days where I just want to ball up and die BUT..I have to keep pressin! Everything I’ve read says “I know it doesn’t seem like it..but it WILL get better and you will heal!” I just have to put my faith in God that all will worl out for my good. I have so many questions (that SHE has the answers to)…and I get in those moments when I just want to know “why?” I don’t know if it would have been “easier” if one of us HAD cheated or there was some concrete reason why things ended..I feel like at least I would have closure. But because all the reasons she gave me were “emotional based and mental based” I don’t feel like I have an understanding as to why things ended…which leads to my snails pace at moving on and moving forward. Kinda like a family with a missing loved one, you know you will never see them again probably..but there is still that small hope that you will. I have so much to blog about but I’m sure I’ve found a home here and I will get into details at some point. I’m glad I found this site…WE will GET thru this!
StayStrong

@MyJourney –

My Journey,

You will one day wake up and she will still be on your mind but not like this. Everyone heals on their own, and you had to make the conscious effort to move on without speaking to her, when some of us chose a different route all in all we choose what is best for us. We chose our survival plan. Its our life and before these people came in and shattered it we were somebody, we had our hearts and we will have it again. Remember that each day that goes by might not be better than the last but its another day lived. Another day to tell yourself that you have survived and are ready to move on or ready for whatever plans you have made for yourself. Its very hard, you cant eat, cant sleep that person is your main focus and until your heart can part from that let it heal the best way it knows how. You want answers that you may never get to know about and i know it hurts and its confusing to u but its going to be ok. People take a very long time to move on and some stay in a situation until they are ready to let go, there are no right or wrong ways to go about things, its just how we heal thats right. Good for you that you are realizing that you need to move forward even if its at snails pace…its a step. Emotional heartbreak is a mourning process so let your heart mourn, blog about it, take your mind off of it even for 5 mins and its a step to the right direction because you are trying. Dont give up you will get there as I will too. I am also dealing and one day i am great and then there are those that are hell, but hey atleast i am feeling it and going through it. We are a step or snails pace closer to where we need to be. Thats all. Life is weird and how things work out are mysterious, so let it roll on its own. We are here going through the same. Hang in there you are not going to be the first nor the last… trust me. Force a smile and keep going.
Nica

@Graceland –
Grace, do your best to go to work with heads high eventhough it kills inside. Act as if nothing happens. Share your feelings to your close friends to lighten the burden you feel inside. You know what Grace friends, family and this website can give you advices and support but at the end of the day the only person who can really help you the most is YOU! Healing takes time, be patient. He’s so pathetic, he graduated with that course and he’s a psychologist now but then he doesn’t even have the therapeutic communication while talking/dealing with you. We’ll though I’m just a nurse not a psychologist I know how therapeutic communication is. And as I see he’s acting like an immature one. If time that your friends is not available and you feel so low do a journal, personally I did it. Write what you feel put a date and time on it.As the day goes by you read your last journal and you will see your progress. Hope to see you soon being free from pain. Take care!
yetundefrances

am sorry for myself, am feeling this way these few days.I came to realize on Facebook that the guy who left me got married to the lady he let me for. i just couldnt understand.i ve known him for 13yrs, dated him for 8yrs and were heading to the altar in the next few months.That was last year. this time last year we had a traditional engagement, something usual where i come from.i had thought i have gotten over it more than this,but at the news, i went black again,the last time i read from here was when graceland came in,that is why i souldnt say anything to console her.Because i myself i am hurting. i feel the anger,not the real pain now.i wish i could terminate the joy they have if the do. i wish something destructive happens to them. i was there for him,saw him through dark times,i stood for him against my family.i was just there.i think i was too sacrificial,i saw myself has been used as a means to an end.and now he is doing excellently.How couldnt I have known. dont call me stupid please-During those days, he was just a perfect lover.I had no complaints over him.my girlfriends were always jealous of me, and even my male friends adored his person. Between this page and me,i realy want vegeanance.please does law of karma still hold?Bet it, i want to repay him and his family back in my own terms. He just made me a laughing stalk in front of my family.my mum still said it yesterday, she knew he is good for nothing, heis a cheater etc.i couldnt hold the tears.i thought i knew him that much.i have just wasted somuch than could be quantified.am already crying.. the worst thing is i doubt if i will totally recover from the love, despite the hurt and the way he sent me off, i love him.will i love someone else as much?
StayStrong

@yetundefrances –
Of cours you will love someone as much again… we are humans and we love, hate, mourn, we have all those feelings that even though it may seem closed off right now dont disregard the fact that someone could also LOVE YOU the same. Yes it sucks, all of our situation does .. mine got married as well but he is still here and do i know what to do, absolutely not. My heart and mind are not together with this and neither is yours. You feel something different everyday… just because you found a hiccup doesnt mean you are not healing, or its has set you back…. yes this might have well been something that made you take a couple of steps back from where you were but once you get passed it you will be better than you were before all of this. Same thing happened to me… i was better then i fell backwards because my feelings are not ready for certain things yet, doesnt matter what your mom says… it was YOU who LOVED HIM… and it was your choice that you made because it was right at the moment in your heart…. so go with that. You are going to hurt bad sometimes, and i bet you have stopped eating, stopped sleeping and all you want to do is plan vengeance because thats what you feel.. I know I have been there and at times still fall in the same place. I atleast still have that guy that everytime i am feeling a certain i tell him and i feel better, sometimes i just shut off my phone so i dont hear his call or text so i can mourn for myself…. sometimes i even talk to myself as funny as it sounds and i feel better.. i voice out my concerns and thats what you need to do as well.. voice out your emotions. But voice them out to people who are not bias about your situation like your mom or friends that will say i told you so… you dont need that you need support not a criticism. I recently went to a psychiatrist to talk about my issues and someone told me other than family and friends that its ok to be this way just dont let it get to a certain point. Do things that will EASE the pain. It will not go away tomorrow or the next but it will, everyday that goes by is a new day think of it like that hey if u cried then u cried, if you laughed about the situation then u laughed, its all ok. We all heal differently remember that there is no right or wrong way to heal, its just getting there thats important. And we will all get there. Trust me. You will manage because you have come this far and are already reaching out. You are strong and you are a woman who feels. Be good to yourself and try just try to do things little by little that makes you feel better even if its for 5 mins. If you need more talks let me know and we can chat on messenger… you are not alone, we all here. Take care of you.
just_me

I myself has just gotten out of a 2 year long distance relationship with my boyfriend or ex bf I would say now. We lived 2.5 hrs apart frm eachother and he recently broke up with me couple of days ago. We are both pretty young he is 22 and I am 21. His reason f
or breaking up with me was that he was “unhappy” with his life which was weird because he said I make him happy and that he still loves me. I didn’t understand why we were going this if I make him happy and that he still loved me. So it hit me that he wants to be selfish right now and not be tied down. He goes out to drink and party a lot and I understand why he did what he did. I didn’t want to leave him unless I knew there was nothing else I can do to fix this or make it work. I’ve been crying for the past 3 days and there would be times when I think I’m getting better then it all crumbles down when I think back to all the good memories we shared. He and I both know that he’s making a huge mistake and I know sooner of later he’s going to look back and regret letting me go. I know I’m young and that ill meet plenty of other guys but right now its just too hard to even think about it. Coming across this site and reading what everyone is going thru really helps make it a little better because we’re all feeling the same pain and its nice to be able to share it.
Graceland

@StayStrong –
Hi StayStrong,

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I often go back and read your comment because I find comfort in your words. I had a better day today but, yesterday I had a terrible evening. I cried myself to sleep. This emotional roller coaster takes a toll on me. When I feel I am getting better, I suddenly start missing him. He ones told me I had to take the good with the bad but boy it is hard. I keep reminding myself one day at a time. In the meantime, I will continue to blog until I am completely healed. Thank you so much for your support. I am glad this website is here. Thank you again.
yetundefrances

@StayStrong – i was begining miss your touch of approaching things Staystrong. u a indeed a blessing.i hardly could believe, you ve pased through or is passing through this too. there is so much strenght in you.thanks for the succour, u really feel my pain, thats why you could touch my crying heart.i wont want to bother you,though i wont mind to have more of you on chat.
really i thought i have passed this stage, but itsnt easy.thank God for this website and people on the page, you are all amazing.and the surprising thing is, you dont know the person you are talking to, the country, the religious /political view, but we still talk. cos we have one thing in common.
MyJourney

@StayStrong….

Thank you so much. Yesterday was a not so good day for me. I left church feeling “heavy.” I just felt alone and sorry for my situation. I think back to what Eddie said about the “dumper”…going thru the phases before we even know whats going to take place and I get upset. I feel like if you love a person so much (which she claims)…how do you just plot to “help yourself”..knowing the action is going to destroy the other person? Why not really talk about what ever the issues are and give the relationship a fighting chance? I guess I just feel like she walked away the winner because she isn’t was crushed as I am (I don’t know how shes feeling or what shes doing but this is how I feel)…she got to walk away and focus on her life and I was left picking up the broken pieces of my life. She gets to laugh and feel free and EAT and SLEEP and carry on with HER life and I’m stuck in a multi-step process of healing and trying to make sense of my life and I’m what the hell happened!? I admit…I have my feelings of anger. I have those feelings of “I hope she gets whats coming to her!”..But then I think..I wouldn’t wish this pain and process on my worse enemy. I do wish that one day she will woman up and tell me the real reason she opted to end things…or that God reveals it to me. I think its the NOT really knowing the reason that is making it so difficult for me to make sense of it all and move forward. I get pissed at myself that I didn’t see this coming. I get upset that I was in the “totally in love” stage and she was plotting to end things behind the scenes. This whole thing seems so unfair…but I guess its a process and experience I had to get in order to grow.
StayStrong

@Graceland –
Graceland,
One day at a time, just one day at a time, thats all you can take and do at this point. Actually for us it seems like its one hour at a time instead. You are already coming to terms with your feelings and you just dont know it yet. You are recognizing that you feel good one moment and then at night it hits, you are finding a pattern here or you are finding the moments when you crash. And there are going to unfortunately be more to come however, you wont be surprised. So take it in, you cried yourself to sleep, thats ok you are still going through the motions, but you have also experienced a spout of a good day as well, so its a balance.. your heart is willing to be happy but it wants to heal so you cry.You are just one step closer to the next step of your mourning. Just remind yourself of that. Yes you have to go with the good and the bad, whatever but it doesnt mean you have to drown yourself in it. If it is taking a toll on you and you are recognizing it then go see someone a specialist maybe its only at night that you need to calm down, and seeking help is a very healthy way of coping. When you have done what you can to get through things and it still taking a toll then seek help whether its a professional or not sometimes you can even seek help by a friend, this blog, whatever the case may be. whatever helps you heal you should do it. Just go on the right path keep your frame of mind even though you seem lost right now. We all are. I am as well, still struggling and fighting with my emotions everyday so i know how you feel.. we all do. You are not alone and hang in there you made it this far so why not another day, right? ! Lets see what today brings and see what coping mechanisms you can come up with during this healing process. Find ways to get yourself off the rollercoaster and into another ride, a much smoother one. And remember we all heal differently so there is no right or wrong way to feel, heal and cope. Do whats right for you. Take care.
StayStrong

@yetundefrances –
Hey frances,
I am glad that you find relief in my words as i do with all of yours as well. Yes i am also going through my share of wacky feelings and situation. It has been a month even though we still remain in contact he is feeling the tension that my heart is revealing. So to let you know i wouldve never thought i would be saying this but there are more times that i want to leave than stay… i hate him and care for him so much all at the same time. However, it doesnt change how I feel, so i have to balance it all as much as I can. So you see, you too will one day get to where I am at and I am not even remotely close to healing yet, however, i am already feeling the difference in my heart. And you will too. You think you have passed a stage and then you crumble, but you have passed the stage, its mind over matter. So you had a spill, a hiccup, you cried your reminisced on your past, you called him you saw him whatever the case may be, you feel like you took a step back, but you have to understand that these little steps back jumps us forward later. Its a leap for us later because our heart and mind wanted to go back and cry about it so we did and then you will go another day not crying, its a vicious circle but we have to go through it but it doesnt mean that we have failed in the process. I sometimes fall into that as well i just want to cry but no tears come out or I just want to tell him off but the words dont come out either, because we are not ready and thats ok. One day we feel great and other times even in the same day we feel yucky, and thats ok too. We are mourning a loss, same as death, we are mourning someone that was once there…but hey we are human right we have the right to feel how we feel… just be happy that you are realizing it. You realize that you are hurting and that you feel things instead of not feeling and it all blows up later. Never keep things bottled up its going to eat you alive… i still have trouble sleeping and have anxiety all the time. But i know that this will pass its not going to be forever, even though its taking forever. Trust me you will love and feel again because i think so, i think we deserve it too. It will come when it comes, not when we want it to come. Everything in due time. And everything happens for a reason, it really does even though you may not think so. You are going through this for a reason its a bad reason but its here to guide you to where you need to be in life later on. Make your heart a little more protective but appreciative when you meet someone else or meeting other ppl… This will change you but dont make it for the worse..try to make it for the better ok. It may seem like your heart is ready to burst out of your chest, me too but we are still here right and our hearts are healing the best way it knows how. Again, one day at a time like ive said before thats all we can do, You never know what will happen later, maybe you will talk to him and have closure and maybe you never will, whatever it is I support you in your choices because you are following what you want to do in your life and whats making you happy just make sure that you are not going into a rut, if you are talk to us here or like i said find another way to escape. Whatever it is find it and lean on it for awhile, you also have to help your heart out too. We just have to breathe take it all in and let life do the rest….. let it go sometimes and see what happens. If you cry all day then thats ok, just let your emotions go and maybe it will be a good thing. You will never bother me if you want to chat more i am on yahoo messenger let me know and we can start a chat…. remember we all heal differently girl and we have to do whats best for us, no matter what the choice of it may be. You will be ok, if i will be ok so will you. Love yourself too ok and force a smile just for a little bit. =0)
Kief

Im really new at this kind of stuff, me and my girlfriend, well i guess ex-girlfriend broke up about 2 weeks ago. Im 19 and we had been dating for almost 5 years. She was my first girlfriend and my firstreal love. When we finished highschool we both went to seperate colleges that were 4 hours apart. The break up was pretty mutual, the distance thing was starting to get pretty hard, and she had met this other guy at her school. At first thy were just friends but feeling for him grew over time, and then she felt like it was unfair for her to remain with me while having feelings for him too. She had been real confused and upset over this for along time, so we both decided we should try seeing other people. At first i was fine with it, we still talked with eachother alot cause we will always be best friends, and im always going to love her. But then we started talking about her relationship with this other guy, and i have been trying to help her with it. But after listening to her talk about him, i just cant get over it, i cant eat, i cant sleep, and i just cant seem to function. I have to be ok with this because i know that this i making her happy, but i just cant get over her being with another guy. Your site has helped me see some things differently, but i dont know how much longer its going to hurt. Sometimes i wish i could just stop caring about her completely, but then i realize that, that would hurt even more. Im just really confused, and i dont know what to do.
Graceland

Hi guys,
I blogged earlier this morning but, I feel an urge to blog again in order to bring peace to my soul. I started the day feeling good. I had decided a week ago to avoid using my laptop because I did not want to check up on him but, today I opened up my laptop and fell into temptation and checked up on him. He was a predictable person with a routine and when I noticed he was not following his routine it killed me. It hit me that he is preocuppied with her and that is why his routine is off. Right away I started feeling sad. I called my friend and she pointed out to me the reason I do this…is because I am holding on to hope. Why? Why do I do this? What hope? He left me for her. There is no hope for me than why am I still hopeful. A couple of days ago I was hating him and now I am hopeful. I often wonder if I even cross his mind. Does he miss me? Then I think of course not, he left me for someone he hardly knew. Why is he out having fun and I am here left mourning his loss. Gosh life just isn’t fair. I know what he did is beyond repair but I still miss him. I want to have a good night today so I am writting so it can help me as much as to get it out of my chest. Maybe this way I can put this feeling to rest for the night. This place has become like my safe haven. I find comfort in your responses. Thank you for hearing me out…again.
Moving on

Hi all,

I’m also new to this. I stumbled upon this site 9 days ago when feeling devastated about my marriage break up. I was with my husband for nearly 6 years (married for 3). We just celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary nearly 4 weeks ago. We had a perfect day out on the boat, quite the loved up couple that we usually were when things were right. People say we’re such a lovely couple, always holding hands. When things are ok, it’s like magic. We are so in love. But wait until he gets frustrated over one thing or another, and things turn the complete opposite. We have had this emotional rollercoaster ride for so long now. When we fight, we’re almost always breaking up. We can’t stand the pain, so I either tell him to leave or he decides to leave. It’s what I call a toxic relationship and I’ve realised that for a few years now. How could we profess our love for each other and then be so annoyed with each other at the flick of a switch! Some of you have mentioned ‘narcissistic’ and it seems that’s what he is. He also has two sides. He could be really loving and caring, but then he could get so nasty and would mouth off when we have a fight that it leaves me reeling and I end up telling him to leave. Still, I persevered for so long hoping that he would improve. I really wanted this marriage to work. Aside from the fact that I love him like I haven’t loved anyone before, it’s my second marriage and I’m not even 40 yet! Needless to say, this has left me feeling devastated and questioning my ability to hold on to relationships. But maybe this one wasn’t ever going to be a keeper? Love shouldn’t be this hard! I guess it didn’t help that we had so many issues. He has 3 daughters from his second marriage (I’m wife # 3) who are so close to him and very jealous of me. His second wife is very much in the picture and would love to have him back, so brainwashing the kids against me was a natural thing to do. My son has never liked him because he finds my husband very bossy among other things. And that’s just some of them. The worst thing is that we were terrible at talking things over. It almost always ended up in a fight, where I won’t be able to sleep. I’ve had so many sleepless nights when we would have arguments. So this has been coming a long time. And this time when he said he’s leaving, I let him go. I’m hurting. I miss him so bad. Or better yet, I miss our good times. Half of me wants him back. But I know that even if that happened, give it a few days, and there’ll be another fight. So this is where it ends. What we once had is broken, and there’s nothing we can do to fix it. So just like you all, I have my ups and downs. Today is down day but tomorrow is a new day…
MyJourney

Its April 20th and I’m still having crying spells….I swear, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with in my Life! We broke up 02/14 and I get mad at myself that i’m STILL having these types of moments. I’ve always been SO strong and able to take on anything! Now I’m so weak and vulnerable to this whole thing and it doesn’t feel good. I know I have to “feel” I know I have to deal…I know I have to go thru the motions but its SO hard at times. Yesterday was a good day for me..I felt unaffected, I went on with my day..thought about her but still kept it moving and today I’m sad again. Well, not as sad as I have been in weeks prior but tearful. I looked at my Granduation picture from 08 and I had the best smile in the world on my face..I was SO happy..I graduated and I had her..my life was so happy. Now, I’m alone and crying. It seems so unfair that I can’t even look back on my personal achievements (pictures of ME) and Not think about “we were together and happy then” or …just always attaching EVERYTHING to when we were together! I see a date and think “we were together and happy then..” It just sucks! I’ve never been in this place in my life. I’m praying and asking God to just help me..just help me. I know later today…or perhaps tomorrow will be better..but this is where I am, right at this moment….It eats me alive that she isn’t having to go thru this! I’m dying and she is able to live and smile! Again, I don’t know this for sure but is she was suffering like I was she would reach out to me! I wish there was a pill I could take to make these feelings go away….granted I am becoming a different person thru this and I do see the positives but if that pill were for sale…it would be tempting not to buy and swallow!
It hurts

Hello ALL!

Just like everyone on this site, I, too am torn.

I have been brokenhearted, and the pain is unbearable. How can someone you love and gave your everything betray your trust???

My “bestfriend-boyfriend” broke up with me a month ago. I dont know what happened ot what went wrong. We were so happy and have been together for 6 years. We have our ups and downs, but never would have thought our relationship would end like this specially because we were the best of friends.

To make a long story short, I had my suspicions but never put much thought on it. I trusted my man. One day I just found out that my ex created a facebook account for this girl that I thought he has an eye for. She does modeling, and and my ex is her photographer. In the beginning I thought it was just purely work related. I confronted him a few times but he denied that he likes her, and that it was pure business. So I trusted him and thought that it was just part of his work. He had posted this girls pictures and said he was promoting his business. Later on he told me that this girl was helping him out and that now they are “business partners.” My suspicious grew more and had a feeling that there was more to it than just being “partners.” Out of curiosity I googled this girls name and guess what? I found the site where my ex had and this girl been “promoting” their work on a different site. I read through the whole entire posts where both of them had exchaged messages, how they flirted back and forth, and that they had so much fun together and all the plans they have made for their next shoots, and how happy they were at some ‘sushi” bar and it just went on and on. To add injury to insult this has been going for 2 years. WOW!! I was literally kept in the dark. I was balling!! I couldnt believe my eyes! I cried and felt betrayed. How can someone who professes his love have done this to me? I thought I had given everything to him, my life, and my ALL betray me like this???

I confronted my ex and everything went ugly!! He tried to lie through his teeth and swore that it wasnt what it seemed to be. So I decided to end it at first, but after a few days I realized I couldnt be without him and took him back, and everything just went downhill from then on. He ultimately decided end our relationship. I talked to him a few times after that, but nothing seemed to work anymore. He had changed. Everything about him just changed. He wasnt that same person I used to know. He was cold and heartless. And I though I just have to accept that it will no longer be “US” and decided to let him go.

Todate, I’m still longing for those days where we talk like we never ran out of things to say. And, yes, all those 6 years that we have been together we call each other 10 times or more a day, and still talk before we even fall asleep. We fall asleep on the fone, and wake up the following day still on the fone.

Where’s my bestfriend? I miss him so much!!!
Moving on

@MyJourney –

I too, am surrounded by memories. Everywhere I look, I get reminded of my husband. But I keep telling myself that it’s all they are – memories. They belong to the PAST. They will only yield as much power on me as I allow them to have. Some days I burst into tears, and some days are better. I try not to look at photos that we had together. Not right now anyway. I know that eventually I’ll be able to look at them and be thankful for the good times. So hang in there. There’ll be better days ahead…
Moving on

@It hurts –

All I can say is that this guy doesn’t deserve you. You deserve so much better. Even if you get back together, there’ll never be any guarantee that he won’t do it to you again. Try not to consider yourself as the victim, that wouldn’t help. Your ex has some hard lessons to learn.

My heart goes out to you. Keep blogging here, I’ve found this site an extremely good outlet. Even just reading other peoples’ circumstances really helps, knowing that I’m not alone.
joseph

@Pebbles –
Pebbles. Your situation sounds so similar to mine. I’m also into 5 months of recovery after a 9 year relationship. However, my ex didn’t come back to my gate, or call me, or even respond to a letter. She merely let me catch her 1 week after our breakup making out with another guy. Being that she had only moved 2 streets away I had to pass her house every day on the way to work and see this guys car there, I felt that any kind of reconnection was out of the question. It sickened me. I was devastated every day, afternoon and evening. It was horrible. Still does hurt like hell but I’m dealing with it much better. So it’s good to hear someone with a similar tumultuous relationship ending, doing well and believing in themselves. I have my days as well but I guess we can’t expect to get over it entirely within 5 months time. But hey……wouldn’t it be nice!?

I wish you the best.

(now to post my topic about something that is driving me mad)
Joseph #2

Ok, so I am Joseph #2 because I feel like I’m a different person since my last post. It’s been 5 months since my girlfriend of 9 years left me for another guy, without even a clue. Quick recap, dated 4 years, moved to florida together, dated more years in florida, then she met a guy at the drive thru of the bank she works at and 1 week after she moved out (two streets down) I caught her kissing another guy on her couch. They are still together doing better than ever blah blah blah who cares.

So this is my new agony. I work for the local government and I have two co-workers around my age with whom I hang out with on a regular basis. These two coworkers have been dating for almost two years and I hold them true to my heart. Well, at one point they were also friends with my ex. They saw how much pain and agony I went through every single day at work. Climbing into the bathroom and walking out with red puffy eyes; spending my lunch breaks in my car speaking to my family and reaching out for advice; drinking myself into oblivion and so on and so forth. Well I’m doing much better in regards to the whole experience, not 100 percent but at least 65 percent which is quite an improvement I must say from the holidays. So, there is a concert coming up with a band that me and my coworkers love. So i asked them if they wanted to get tickets and go. WELL, I was told in an awkward tone of voice that my EX had asked them to go with her and her new boyfriend. They accepted the invite and are now going to the show with the two of them. I’ve spoke a little about it with them but they explained to me that “they” had a different relationship with my ex, not the same as mine and hers and that they wanted to be friends with the both of us and that she had asked first. Now I was outraged. No, fucking pissed off! I didn’t say anything and just walked away. I hang out with these people all the time and confide in them about certain things with work etc.. and they more or less condone my ex’s behavior by accepting her real life friend request. This is seriously bothering me and bringing back a pain in my heart that I thought was outta sight and mind. Well it has returned and I don’t know how to approach them or even deal with this.

So, i need some advice on this topic. Should I be pissed at them and distance myself and then when asked why let them know that they have hurt me? I mean I do feel very betrayed and they know it hurts me. Or, should I deal with it on my own.

Basically don’t I have the right to be pissed off?

Any advice is good advice at this point because the show is next week.

Thank you all and keep up the great work on healing each other.
MyJourney

@Moving On

Thank you for your words. Yes, they are memories…at this point in my healing I have to block them out tho. Its crazy because you go into a relationship desiring to create new and wonderful memories with that special someone and then when/If things don’t work out you are left trying to make your heart and mind forget them. Sighs-….At least I can say I did everything from my heart and God knows…even if she doesn’t.