Hi GTD

No worries at all and i totally understand where ur coming from coz my ex is the same, she’s now starting to remember the good times and has even started to say little things like maybe she made a big mistake and how she stil loves me, babys even come up last week to but al i say to her now is that theres no way we cld ever get back 2gether as she dumpd me and i dnt want to be wiv someone that leaves me to sink into a deep depression and almost kill myself because of the way she played games wiv me by being there after we broke up then not then meeting someone else so soon after and lieing about it.funny thing is the more i say no and she sees im moving on the more she kind of wonders about givin it a go…as much as id love to itl never happen.i have been contemplating moving from uk to canada to join my family and friends and hav never been able to make a real decision as wasnt sure if i was runnin away from problems and i didnt want to do that plus also i never really wanted to leave her as not seein her wld be to hard but however 2day has been the most positive day iv had for ages and have made my mind up to head to canada in march as there is more to life than one dumbass ex lol and after all life is all about self discovery and our OWN journey and theres so much to do in the world guys/girls and so little time to do it – So come on lets do it, lets stop this feeling sorry for ourselves and start to love ourselves again and REMEMBER who we once where and can be again..we’D feel alot worse if our ex’s where dead wouldnt we but there not (although sum may wish they where rite now lol) so lets not grieve them lets praise them coz we all have a happy life to lead ahead of this so start getting excitied..Start making plans maybe a wish list of things uv always ALWAYS wanted to do coz ur gunna go and do it rite…

good chat up line:

For the guys ladys love it: ‘ hi i seem to have lost my number, may i have your’ haha

for the ladys ‘ can i have a picture so i can tell santa what i want for christmas ‘

Have a nice day everyone

eddie i no iv done it again – plz dnt ban me lol

Paulyboy – you have made me laugh out loud reading your last mail! I must remember those chat up lines! You go for Canada – and why the hell not! Life is definetly too short. Only this week a colleague of mine was killed in a car accident with his wife and 4 children…. such a tragedy. There are people out there who are so much more worse off than we are. We have to live life for today and more importantly for ourselves….
Keep smiling and thank you!

I am having such a difficult time getting over a breakup. It happened in February 2008–We had been together for 4 years. We’ve never even said goodbye.

He called me one evening (like he did every night for the past 4 years) and said he loved me and that he would call the next day, but he didn’t. I tried repeatedly to call him. I emailed him. He never answered my calls or emails.

Now just recently, he sent me an email saying that he had met someone who he now loves and he could never tell me until now because he said he didn’t want to hurt me–that’s why he didn’t answer my calls or emails.

I just can’t get over this–it’s difficult for me to get through the day still. I cry all the time–Sometimes I can’t concentrate at work. Thank you for this site—it is helping, but I don’t know if I will ever recover. Thanks for listening.

@B. –

Thanks so much for responding. I am sorry to hear about your heart break, but I am glad to hear that things are better for you now. I know that things will eventually get better for me, they have to, but it just seems like happiness is so far away as of right now. I really don’t know how I would react if I saw my ex and his new g/f out in public, so I’m crossing my fingers that it doesn’t happen anytime soon. I do agree with what you said about us making our exes the center of our lives. I know I did that, and I regret it now. But I have been leaning on my family for support lately and I hope things will start to get better eventually. Good luck with the new girl you met, I hope things work out for you. =] Once again, thanks for responding.

@GTD –

I know this sounds silly of me, but even though I am hurt beyond belief, I still want to marry my ex boyfriend. I wish I could have the “old” him back, because he really was a wonderful guy, up until recently. I guess it’s hard for me to let go because I know how great he can be, and I am secretly hoping he will become that person again. I don’t know if I can live without him in my life. I used to talk to him everyday for the past 5 years, and now that I don’t, I feel so lost and alone. I know he doesn’t deserve me, and I keep trying to tell myself that I deserve better…But I guess it will just take time.

@Cath –

Wow. Thank you so much for responding. It is crazy, our situations sound SO similar. My boyfriend also became a little more distant the past few months, but I never really thought much about it. He admitted to me last night that he had been having doubts about our relationship for MONTHS before he broke things off. But instead of doing it then, he waited until a week before our anniversary, and after he had given me his anniversary gift. (Which I got rid of, btw)

I totally understand what you mean about the whole turning into a different person thing. My ex now listens to different music then he ever had before (I’m guessing it’s what his new gf likes), he does things he never wanted to do while we were together, he brought his new gf to eat at this new restaurant I had been begging him to take me (which he never did), AND he already brought her to his house to meet his family! I am just sooo hurt.

While I was talking to him face to face last night, I was just staring into his eyes for a minute or two, crying, and hoping inside that he would change his mind now that he saw with his own eyes how much I was hurting. He stared back at me, but never said anything. It was like he was a completely different person. He didn’t look at me the way he used to. It really, really hurt. I gave him back the promise ring and necklace he gave me, as well as a card in which he wrote how much he loved me and promised he would marry me someday. When I handed those things to him, he just sighed and rolled his eyes. I can’t understand how it didn’t bother him one bit. How can he fall out of love with me so quickly? My mom said that he was probably becoming emotionally distant months ago, so thats why he isn’t upset now.

I agree with what you said about us needing to find guys who will appreciate us, but at the same time, I still want him back. He was my best friend and I am so lost without him. It will just take time, I guess. I hope I will begin to feel better eventually.

Thanks SO much for responding and sharing your story, I know exactly how you’re feeling and I’m here for you too. I hope things get better for you. And I am willing to chat anytime, I need people to talk to, especially now. Thanks again =]

@Allyson

I understand how you feel. A similar thing happened to me. I’m also feeling so very very sad now and I do not know what to do.

It dosen’t help that the guy is my classmate and the other girl is within the same profession. I dread the day I will see them together which I know is inevitable.

I cry myself to sleep on some nights..I can’t help it. I feel so hurt that he could actually not miss me and now, he is so happy with the other girl.

That is what hurts me the most. That they are happy together..Someone please help me..

I don’t understand why he isn’t hurting as much as I am. Doesn’t he miss me? Why doesn’t he care? He was the one I always used to go to whenever I was hurting in the past and he always comforted me.

It’s just so bizarre to know that I am hurting now so badly and I can’t go to him for help because he is the one hurting me. I miss him so much and I would give anything to be with him again. But at the same time, I realize I need to move on. I don’t know how.

I have days whenever I am feeling happy but then I spiral downwards unexpectedly and I become lost again. I was doing somewhat okay until I found out about his new g/f now I am back where I started.

I wanted to marry my ex so badly, I love him with all of my heart, even now after he hurt me so badly. I am very close to his family vice versa. I just can’t let go. How is it so easy for him to? What should I do?

Woah i know exactly how u feel. all that is exactly the same as what im going through now, i think of him every single day even though i wanna move on, i wonder why and try to hate him for being so cruel and sudden about it. i wonder about other girls and the life we could have had…
Its Horrible and painful but now iv been away from him for 2 months and its slowly easing. Cut all contact and De-Ex your home. Hard as this is at first…its a huge leap to getting better, nonsense? no, from experience. I still think of my ex, and memories of how perfect we were together hurt like mad…but im realizing that if he truly loved me like he said..he’d never have left me. so whats the point?? he isnt worth it?? right now, ur prob still in shock like i were but this passes. trust me. You have lots of love to give, why give it to somebody who isnt giving you any back?? it hurts…but its one of lifes many challenges. life isnt about your ex now..its about you. look after yourself and do things you like. after this..he cant hurt you this much again. =) x

CATH–
Thanks for that GREAT advice. You said a mouthful. Why do us girls want to be with POS guys who only care about themselves? The result is further pain and agony. We’re just hurting ourselves.

In my case, my ex BF couldn’t commit. He was “emotionally unavailable”. He probably won’t ever settle down with anyone. He wants to be on his own and independent and occassionally sleep with women without having any emotional connection to them or any relationship. For some reason I felt I could change this about him. But they never change. Why the hell would I want to be with someone like this? I am a great person, I was completely faithful and loving for four years…I shouldn’t have to convince someone I love to love me back. It hurts, but it’s the truth.

@Chelsea Kelly –

Hi. Thanks for responding. I’m sorry you’re hurting like I am, I know how much it sucks. But you’re right about everything you said. I shouldn’t waste my time on someone who doesn’t want me. It just hurts like hell. I know it’ll just take time and eventually I will feel better. Good luck with your situation as well, if you need someone to talk to I’m always willing to listen =]

@Jesika –

I feel exactly like you do. I cry myself to sleep most nights and I just can’t get past the point of wondering why the crap my ex doesn’t miss me like I am missing him. I can’t help but think about him and his new gf. I get so jealous and I wonder what is so much better about her then me? It is just a really really sucky situation. But if you ever need to talk, I’m here. I know I definately need people to talk to right now. And please don’t feel like you’re alone, I know how you feel. We just need to find guys who will appreciate us and love us. They have to be out there somewhere.

Thank you for allowing me to read about the sadness and hardships in relationships on the your site, my heartfelt love and encouragement to all on this site and may God bless you all that you will find the love and stability you truly deserve. Great site, Eddie Corbano God bless you for helping these good people.

Thanks Allyson. It really helps to know that there’s someone out there who actually bothers. I feel for you. Must take care.
Thanks so much Eddie for this great website. It really helped me alot when I just feel so lonely.
Some days I’m perfectly ok, but I fall back every so often. I really have to be strong as I see him everyday in school. But I know what you guys say is correct- He dosen’t want me and appreciate me. Whatever that happens between him and the other girl is really none of my business. I deserve my own happiness. Still its really hard to be strong somedays..
I really hope all of us get through this soon, and emerge a stronger and better person.

Hello, I caught myself googling “Managing break ups” and found this site.
It is actually inspirational.
I am still in pain though, Ive been trying to surround myself with friends (family isn’t here I’m away for school) but the pain in my heart wont go away.
After a year and a half, he broke up with me 3 weeks ago telling me he didn’t love me and didn’t want to lead me on and lie to me ever time he told me he loved me back.
I thank him in the long run he let me go, but his way of coping was being very verbally mean to me to push me away farther. He must have been detaching for a long while, he told me his feelings began to fail 2 months ago.
When i moved here to go to school, he followed me here to be with me. We were SOO emotionally dependent on each other. We had each other and thats all that mattered. Were were in love. My birthday last year he gave me a card that said” You are my world” and i believed him.

Now that he got a promotion at work and found friends his age, it seemed like his ego rose and he basically didn’t need me anymore.
I was so blindsided (even though a having a womens intuition i KNEW something was wrong)
I was SO in love with him.
My steps as followed:
1) Complete and utter shock and disbelief
2) Hoping this was just a phase and total denial it was over
3) total loss of appetite starting immediately(ive lost about 10+ lbs in almost a month)
4)Bawling uncontrollably at work because i work with him once a week
5) Major Physical withdrawals. Though i felt good enough in the evening from hanging out with friends my heart SUNK every time i woke up each morning alone.

I realize it was a pretty emotionally abuse relationship. We would break up, i would bawl and beg him to take me back and he would.
I still love him and I’m not getting over this very well at all.
It just baffles me HOW FAST he recovered and moved on..
I had so many questions, How, Why ect..
I am so intensely jealous still right now when i find out hes hanging out with friends no matter how platonic. I cant let go… I need help because he took my self esteem and my confidence is shot to all hell. I dont know what pains me the most right now, the physical with drawl or the Mental.
Im suffering from a broken heart that isnt mending

P.S.: By friends I meant “female” friends that im jealous of

im never ever ever gonna get over this. Fact

I am going through my first break-up. We were in relationship for the last 8 months and were very serious about getting married. But my GF broke it up because her parents did not approve me and she could not find strength to fight against her parents. Today she must have got engaged to a guy her parents want her to marry to. Although I can’t control her ways I am shocked with the way she is handling it. The break-up is still very fresh for both of us. She still loves me(says so!)! She kind of avoids speaking over the phone to her would-be fiance. But still she agreed to her parents wish to get engaged to some guy so soon! Even before we accept the break-up she is going to get engaged to some guy and soon would get married within 3 months. Its very much tempting to think that she is cheating me. Because the wounds have not healed yet and she is being so insensitive!
I have been reading all kinds of blogs over “surviving through break-ups” and I know I should not bother about what she does once the break-up happens. I also understand that I should follow no-contact. But I have been finding it difficult in dealing with this feeling of being cheated. I feel she loves me still but I also feel somewhere she was ready to compromise her love for her parents (or for some other unknown reason).
Because she still loves me and has not got over me(or perhaps because she feels guilty) she keeps calling me and tells me she cant stay without talking to me. I do talk to her though I resist myself from calling her. She also comes to meet me once in a week. Perhaps today onwards(its her engagement day) she would reduce everything on her own.
Anyways, I guess what I have been doing till now does not adhere to complete no-contact philosophy.
She was the one who broke-up with me. She is the one who talks to me. She is the one who is scared that I might stop picking her calls. Perhaps she is still in a denial mode. Hence she just took a decision to go with her parents wishes.
Please help me in dealing with why and how she could have taken this decision. Is it a betrayal? Is it because of her immature way of dealing with the situation?
Thanks in advance,
Ravi

@Chelsea Kelly

I know you can do it. And I will too. YOU yourself said some very encouraging words in your previous comment which helped to remind me and make myself stronger.

I know sometimes we just allow oursevles to get sucked into the depression pool so very often.
You have to keep reminding and encourage yourself to think positive. Ultimately its all about YOU now.

All of us have the strength to do it. That’s what makes us humans. I’m not ok yet myself, but I’m making a concious effort everyday not to get sucked into depression.

We ended up break up again, I posted before, #66 and #72.

I changed a lot for her, and I sacrificed a whole lot more. But when it came to the point where she needed to change some things about herself, and repay some of those sacrifices I made, she decided that she couldn’t be bothered.

A large part of me resents her for it, but a small part of me still has feelings for her. All I want right now is a partner to cuddle up with and feel close to, but when I think about where to look and what to look for, I think of her and want her back.

It was an extremely long distance relationship, (Australia/Canada), and there’s no point in trying to make that relationship work anymore, because i’m almost certain she doesn’t want to leave her country and family just to be with me.

So I guess.. Now I have to give it some
time…

I just.. really want someone to love. The whole looking for someone new part is horrible. xD

everything reminds me of him. havent heard from him in two months, nearly 3 and hes all i think about, whats he doing..more importantly..whos he with… i still love him very much. i wouldnt take him back but i do still love him to peices, even after all the stuff hes done. i just think il ever love somebody so deeply again….were are all the nice guys ahaha

Whos in the better position…the dumper or the one dumped? Do you think the dumper ever hurts like we do??

The dumper never hurts like we do, one always loves the other more, and that person is the one who gets their heart broken. =\

I wish it were easier, to find someone who loves you as much as you love them.. to just stick together, and noth have to worry about any breakup junk.

Maybe one day we’ll all find those people.. I hope. =)

It’s just good to know that i’m not the only one out there suffering like this, people share my pain.

My girlfriend and I ended a three year relationship four months ago. For the first couple ofmonths since the break up, she would initiate contact with me and I would always respond. We would see each other every so often. She kept saying she loves me and wanted to be with me. About a month ago, I said to her that I am 100% ready to commit to her and let’s move forward with our lives. At that point, she said she was fearful of this because of all the things I had said or did in the past (I was always telling her I cannot commit long term).
Why would she push for something so hard and then the very moment she hears what she wants to hear, she pulls a 180? I am devastated. I thought I got over a major hurdle in committing to her 100% and then she pulls away. We are broken up (again), probably for the last time and I cannot figure it out. She says she still loves me and I definitely love her. Why is she doing this and should I just move on?

My BF of 2 years & I broke up over the weekend & I don’t know how to deal with it. I spent all weekend crying & was hoping being at work will help distract me but its not. I don’t know what im going to do without him; he means the world to me. This is not the first brake up for me, but it hurts the most. I know time will heal my heartache but it just feels like time has stopped. I don’t really have anyone I can go to & talk or a shoulder to cry on so it makes it super hard for me to deal with this. He was all I had. He was my everything. I still talk to him & he still tells me that he love me but he just cant commit that’s why he wants to end thing, cuz he feels like by not committing he is just wasting my time. I don’t know what to believe. How can you let go of someone if you still love them???? & I know it’s probably not a good idea that I still answer his calls, but I don’t know what to do. I thought it might help if I talk to some people that are going through the same thing.

@bell81 –
bell81 – I hear what you are saying. When my girlfriend and I broke up it was me doing the breaking up. I still loved her but could not commit (sounds very close to your story). In my case, she kept contacting me and I eventually realized that I was an idiot and tried to go back. Unfortunately she changed her mind. I know all the advice out there is to say no contact with the ex. In my case, I am glad she contacted me and even though I did not work out for me it does not mean it won’t for you. Just don’t over do it. Give it some time and if after a few weeks, you still feel for him, try reaching out. But if you do, you must be prepared for the potential of rejection. Good luck.

Okay..So…i post on this site FAAAAR to much and i proberbly drive you guys mad. Nobody cares about my crap. Ok so..im sat here balling my eyes out, just been talking to one of my college friends ( we arent that close) and hes like..i used to cheat all the time, I got bored easily… And now im thinking..Rob proberbly did the same. Oh my god, i just wanna add him to myspace and mither the crap out of him right now. but im scared to look incase theres another girl on it and stuff…Sad i know. Its JUST myspace.I feel like I just wanna end it all, havent got the guts to.Its been nearly three months and i dobt he ever ever thinks about me, im proberbly just another girl to his bedpost. Im too Fat and Ugly to find anybody else, who will love me.He really was everything, i leaned on him too much and now im left with nothing, my worlds fallen apart. i do everything you guys say, go out more, enjoy yourself, go out with friends and have fun but even when i do all this i dont feel whole hes on my mind 24/7 and i thought i was getting out of this “Phase”. i thought we genuinely were real, but now im thinking, because he were so far away, i was proberbly nothing to him, just another girl on the other side of his phone, He couldnt even tell his mum or any of his family i were his gf when i went up except his brother but his brothers a serial cheater anyway so he wont say anything. Im so messed up. I miss him Like crazy, iv lost interest in everything, nothing makes me happy anymore.i made him my whole world thinking that i was his. I was proberbly nothing. Writing this, i realise i WAS NOTHING to him. And its so sad. A week before im meant to go to his and he dumped me via text, how do i get over this?? How do you fall out of love with somebody when you made them your whole entire world?? I have no confidence and im ugly, Nobodys gonna want me. I sound so Stupid but i miss him, id still take him back now, just because id belong somewere and not feel so lonely. I hate my life. I Hate what hes done to me, i hate being like this. I feellike i need him to be happy, he was amazing……but i spose he was just good with words…

@Chelsea Kelly –
Hi Chelsea, I know how you feel, I really do. 3 months after the breakup, I was still in ruins, and all I could think about was him – whether he still thinks of me, what I meant for him, what he is doing etc etc. This is normal, Chelsea, but gradually – gradually this will go. You will have ups and downs, i will go in spirals, but you will get better. Trust me.
One of the things that I realized – the longer you have managed to survive without your ex, the longer your life perspective becomes. I remember the first days – even living for another 2 hours was a struggle, it was uncessing pain. But once I survived the first 2 months – I knew already that I CAN be without him for 2 months – which I can live ANOTHER 2 months without him. Now I am half year through – and to me it shows that I can survive another half year. Now i know it. And you should know it too. You can live another 3 months without your ex, and after these 3 months you will be much better. I promise.
Good luck, take care of yourself.

@uncl99 – uncl99 – thank you for responding to me. It fells good to talk to people going through the same thing cuz u kind of help each other get through hard times. Yesterday after I read ur story it made me cry cuz like you said it’s very close to my situation. for the past 3 days all ive been doing is crying, but yesterday after reading everyone’s stories & comments I told my self that Im not gonna do this to my self let alone let him do this to me & dragg me down. So I did exactly what you said. Last night he called me so I told him that I don’t think we should talk any more @ least not 4 a little bit. Let a few weeks pass by & we’ll get in touch again & take it from there. I need to give my self some time to heal & to really see if this is what I really want. u know they say love is blind & some time u need to take a step back & look at the relationship from another angle.

Yesterday all day I just kept telling my self over & over that I deserve better & I shouldn’t allow him 2 get me so down. I gave every thing up 4 him & this is what I get in return???? I just won’t have it. No way. I know I deserve better.

TO – Chelsea Kelly – try meditation… yesterday for the first time in my life I meditated it helped me a lot. I think the reason ur having such a hard time with this is because u r letting him get 2 u over & over. I know how hard it is trust me im going through it my self right now but I don’t put my self down, I keep telling my self that it’s his loss, I know im a good person & im beautiful. I promise if u keep telling ur self that u deserve better & ur beautiful it will make u feel better. Instead of telling ur self ur ugly & no on will ever want u. don’t keep negative energy around u. U kind of have to train ur brain what to think. I have this poster on my office wall & it has 2 quotes on it & every day when I get to work its the 1st thing I see so I read it & then get to work & I love it, it helps me a lot…..it says

“There comes a point in ur life when u realizes, who matters, who never did, WHO WON’T ANYMORE……. & who always will. So, don’t worry about people from your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future”

& the 2ns one says……….

“To get something u never had, you have to do something you never did. When God takes something from your grasp, he’s not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.”

Reading inspirational quotes helps me a lot. instead of sitting there & felling sorry 4 my self & listening to sad songs I go to Google & search for inspirational quotes it helps me take my mind off of things. I love reading stuff by Andy Warhol, Napoleon, and Mark Twain. Those are just a few of my favorites. I also told people around me to stop asking me about him & how I’m feeling now & if im still sad & even though talking about it helps a lot, it also constantly reminds u of the pain. & I don’t want to remember. So I tell every one if they want to help me just make me laugh. Cuz laughter is the best medicine. Don’t get me wrong it’s not good to hold it in but if u have already talked to ur friends & family about it already, there’s no point in dragging it on over & over again. I try to control my mind & not let it wonder off cuz that’s when the devil come in & pushes u down even more. Stop frowning cuz u never know who’s falling in love with ur smile.

@Anna –
Hey , thanks Anna, i was getting better…then last night i got a call off an unknown O2 number…didnt n who it was thought maybe it were him..but i found out if was my boss asking me to do an extra shift. that hurt.I just expected myself to stop loving him BY NOW..i mean gawd…I thought i were stronger than this, if i were better looking, Smarter…Id prolly still have him, i just feel like im the one whos ruined this. I hope your right tho, i wanna get over this

Originally Posted By bell81

“To get something u never had, you have to do something you never did. When God takes something from your grasp, he’s not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.”

That’s a wonderful quote, thank you!

I read somewhere that on the hormone level, the feeling of “wild love” and the feeling of fear are very similar… This is why we all think we are still wildly in love with out ex’s – in fact it mostly shows that we are really scared – that we will never feel so loved and cherished, that we are ugly and fat or whatever, that we are not good enough. Forget it. The only thing that can fight the fear is self-love and having something ELSE to look forward in life.

I came across one fantastic exercise I found in one of books about getting over a breakup. I suggest all of you guys\gals try it – it gives an IMMEDIATE RELIEF.

1. List 10 things you can be grateful for in life (starting from being healthy and being able to hear and see… just think)
2. List 10 things you look forward to, short term (it can be an ice cream, a walk in autumn forest, anything you can do today or tomorrow)
3. List 10 things you want to do in life – that are NOT connected to your ex.

This exercise helped me immensely 2 months ago. I realized how lucky I was and how much more I can do in life. E.g. one of the things I listed was my dream to travel in South of France. Place I’ve never visited with my ex, by the way. I did this last week wow!!! This was fantastic, having one of your dreams fulfilled.

I do get sad from time to time, but the periods of time when I feel happier become longer and longer. This is so good. 3-4 months ago I couldn’t believe I would feel so much better. You will, too.

Good luck to you all!

@Eddie Corbano –
Eddie, I understand your point, I really do. In my case, I was the dumper and now I am the dumpee. I am not holding on to her because I am scared to be alone or that nobody else will love me. I am holding on to her because I truly believe she is the ONE. It just took me some time and some personal counselling to figure it out. During this time, after I broke up with her, she stayed in contact with me and I was happy she did. Which is perhaps why I am now trying to stay in contact with her. The tables have turned in our relationship and now she is the one who is non-committal. I just don’t understand why she no longer wants what she said she did for three years. She says it is all about fear and that she is torn. She is scared about the ramifications if we get back together and it does not work out. So instead of taking a chance, she would rather throw away any chance of a happy future together? Either she needs some professional counselling to get through this or I am not getting the whole story. Anyway, my other obstacle is that I am scheduled to move out of country in a month permanently for work and I know a month is not enough time to heal this relationship. From that perspective alone I need to move on but it is painful because i will never know what could have been.

thanks anna for the inspirational quotes. I cried while reading it. Cos its so true, yet so so sad to have to accept it.
I’m not so strong these days, despite reading and re-reading eddie’s 2nd newsletter on no-contact if your ex is still around.
I find myself still trying to take a peek at what he is doing etc. Things are quite awkward now between us, I don’t know how to talk to him anymore. He asked me what I’m doing in my free time now, I can’t ask him the same thing, as I’m sure I dont want to know.
Words dont mean anything at all.

Hey so..here i am..again. I think im prolly gonna keep posting on here for awhile longer… but…Today, i was crappy in the morning (dno why i suddenly felt this way again after i went thru 5 weeks off feeling fine) then it hit me… I think its my body finally realising he’s not coming back and accepting it, as i were definately in shock and belief he’d come back…now im greifing because i know he wont. So…Hopfully, thats it!!!
Il keep posting anyway cos it helps me feel loads better and Its nice when nice people reply, helps heaps!!
Hopfully in a few more months il be like…Rob who?!? aha

My bf of 2 years just left me out of nowhere. It was so unexpected, and I am in shock. The hardest part is facing this reality, that we’re not going to get old together, that there won’t be anymore vacations, that he’d not in love with me anymore…and more so that I’m still in love with him. I want to get over it.

Erica..i know EXACTLY what your going through…. *hugs

Hey guys. I’m back to post again because I’ve got something very important to say.

My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me exactly one month ago, pretty much out of the blue. We didn’t talk at all after that up until a week or so ago, when I broke down and called him. He’s basically being a jerk about everything and calling him just made things worse because it hurt to hear his voice while knowing he wasn’t the same person anymore.

I also found out about his NEW girlfriend (his co-worker) that he started dating TWO WEEKS after dumping me by seeing it on his Facebook. Yes, I was checking up on him..He wasn’t going to tell me about her apparently but I just happened to read it on there instead.

I confronted him about it mainly because he swore to me when he was breaking up with me that no one else was involved and that he just “needed time.”

I want to strongly advise to have NO CONTACT with your ex. At least for the first few months.

I can honestly say it doesn’t help the situation by calling/emailing/texting them…

I have promised myself I wouldn’t call him anymore from now on, and I have to stop myself from checking his facebook everyday.

I know it is hard to just stop being in contact with someone who meant so much to you, but I firmly believe in order to mend yourself, you shouldn’t have contact with your ex. Eddie is right.

I can’t let go of my ex start to make myself feel better until I am able to stop calling him and wondering what he is doing.

Just remember, if they aren’t worrying about what you’re doing, or calling you, or whatever, don’t worry about what they’re doing. Calling constantly, trying to talk to them just makes you look desperate in a way. I made that mistake.

Our exes made their choices, sadly it wasn’t us. But we deserve better and we will find our special someones one day. I know we will, just have faith. Everything happens for a reason. I’m sad still I know a lot of you are too, but time will heal us.

Thanks for the hugs Chelsea. I can’t get enough of them right now. I slept at home for the first night last night post break-up. I slept on the couch. When he wasn’t there to watch tv with me, and it was quiet, and there was no sign of him, it was all too eery. All night I tried to replay his rehearsed, emotionally detached break-up speech over and over in my head, and then replay our lives for the past few months, just to see what I’m missing. To see what happened. It doesn’t make sense to me. I was living a lie? What a show. Didn’t see that coming. It’s so hard not to check his Facebook and mySpace and e-mail. It sucks even worse that he gave me all the passwords. I have this unbearable pain in my chest, and urge to cry all day, every day. I can’t sleep at night. He is all over my dreams and I hear his laugh and see his smile. I don’t know what to do. I feel utterly hopeless and in the darkest hole I’ve ever been in my whole life.

Eddie,

I just want to say thank you for your support and dedication to this site. You are helping so many people, including me, take the lumps that life is throwing at us….actually, lumps is an understatemtn, it’s more like grenades. It feels so good to be able to get these terrible feelings off my my chest and get support, and not be judged. I guess if you did it, we all can get through it. I hope and pray it will get easier for me. Thanks again.

Why does it have to be so hard????????? Why can’t we just turn off our feelings? I was doing fine for a few days but last night I broke down again. I can’t help but think about when I first met him. I did NOT want to have any thing to do with him, I don’t know why I didn’t, I could never put my finger on it. I guess that was God’s way of telling me its not going to work out & not to give him a chance. But he kept pushing me to go out with him. he said to me “give him one date & after that if u still didn’t want to have anything to do with him I promise I will leave u alone” that’s all it took, just that one date I was hooked…I thought he was the sweetest guy I had ever met. I just can’t believe he could hurt me so much…im trying so hard to let go but im having such a hard time…I wish I never gave him that chance. I wish we could look into the future & stop things like this from happening. I should have listened to my feelings in the beginning. I hate him for doing this to me. I just wish he could feel what I feel. I just want to scream. I am so angry @ everything & everyone & its sad cuz I know its no ones fault. Im so tiered of the pain. I just want to curl up in a corner & DIE!!!!!!!! I can’t wait for that day when I am going to look back this & tell my self how stupid I was for even shedding a single tear for him. in my head I know i don’t deserve this, im just having a hard time convincing my heart….THANKS Eddie for the site it does help a lot THANKS Eddie for the site it does help a lot …….& THANKS to everyone that’s on this site. I know we can get through this; we can help each other get through it.

@Erica –

Erica, i know what your going through, i felt exactly the same, this guy wasd my whole world, we were together two years. On the friday ( il never forget this) he told me there was nobody like me, how he wanted hislife with me, how amazing i was blah blah…didnt hear from him friday, saturday…sunday night (week before we were spose to meet up due to long distance) he texts me and tells me its over. thats it. my life felt smashed, i believe h emet somebody else as he were very insecure and i always knew that if a prettier girl came along..hed be off…he was very insecure but i loved him how he was. It heals. It does really, i mean…looking back when i was crying non stop 3 months ago…to now, i still hurt and memories still rush to mind, but iv gained alot of experience, you will too. Im gonna be stronger in my next relationship. with somebody who Cares for me and wont dump me by a text. Listen , its hard and i know how you feel, right now ..i know its unbearable..and i wont lie, its very hard…but just imagine urelf in 20 years time, u wont be crying over him will you? so time will heal, thats a fact and i thought id never say that 3 months ago. Just hold on and Look after yourself. Leave me ur myspace and Facebook and il add you =) xx

@Allyson –

I’ve read your story and it struck a cord with me, although our situations are quite different.
My boyfriend of almost 6 years broke up with me last night. He spent the night/morning with me, comforting me and himself. His reason for the break up was that 6 years is a long time, and because he doesn’t want to be together forever, ending it now would be better than ending it in 8 or 10 years. He says he loves me more than ever and that I did nothing wrong… but he wants to know that we can stand on our own and be happy. He says he’s not completely sure if this is a permanent separation, but he needs time away from me.

You said in your last post that no contact is the best idea, and a lot of people have that advice. But how is this possible when he says he still wants me in his life and that maybe in the future things will be different? How can I have no contact knowing that?

I have been blessed to have several loves in my life, 2 of which I have unconditionally: my amazing children. However, the men in my life have been another story.

I was recently”dumped” by someone who I’ve know for 8 years and lived with for the past 6 years. I supported him through his emotional termoil of divorce, his children’s problems, his finanical hardships “taking care of and pleasing him” as best I could. That’s always been my role: the care taker and it’s no ones fault but my own. I brought my children up on my own, without much assistance and do not regret anything I did to make them happy or keep them safe. What I have learned is that role in my life if over: I’m just bad a stopping living the role.

My BF (someone who was the exact opposite of the “type of person I would usually be with”) is a blue collar worker (I’m corporate) and unfortuately never REALLY wanted to be part of my world. This included, socializing, family, Holidays, parties and being kind and helping others. I stupidly misunderstood all the signs and took them as wanting me to himself (isolation), cultural differences, emtionally unable to communicate and selfish. I misunderstood a strong character for self absorbed. Everytime he complained (which was on a daily basis), I worked to make it better.

My heart broke with his constant crtisim of everyone around him: not one escaped his critism. His eldest child (who is exactly like him) is a good kid but needs direction, his youngest son (who is a doll, and it truly makes me sad I will loose communication preivelges with him), every member of his family (not so unusal, but this was extreme), my children (who I know are not perfect but are fabulous well adjusted adults), my new wonderful son-in-law, my friends (he has none to speak of).

Still I feel sorry for him that he is incapable of enjoying life and letting people share his world. He was brought up in a “cold” household: emotionless. Recently, his 73 year old Mother passed on. For almost a year, she was in and out of the hospital. He and I together, took care of her, visited her 3x daily I cooked for her, messaged her while she was in the hospital and “stood by my man”, not because i had to, but becaue i wanted to: I loved him.

My business has been suffering and I’ve had to spend 3 weeks out of a month, for the past 4 months out of state. I hate being away. I hate the business meetings, especiaaly the dinner. He always said to me business is business, you need to be there! He never even hinted he was upset. Infact, he liked having a breather and clearing the “cob-webs” in his head caused by work, the economy and the failing health of his Mom (btw…he complained bitterly about her daily).

In retrospect, our relationship was no where near equaly. I truely believe he never cheated: I certainly never would. He had no “investment” in “our” life…I made one excuse after another. His Mom passed away a few weeks ago. Her body (accompanied by his brother) was flown back to Greece for burial. It’s my opinion his guilt is overwhelming him and although I offered to fly home, or fly him to me, he refused. however, he managed, to call me and tell me I was going to have a very bad day last week (of course he used much more descriptive words) because he was moving out. He used a statement i made as an excuse (which at lesat I recognised) and told me e can’t live like this (whatever this is) anymore. Honestly, he’s done this 2x before, but I thought he grew past the “bolting” stage years ago.

To me, this seemed planned. His Mom passes, her Condo (which he owns) becomes available and he bolts. Even in the mid-50’s it’s very hard to be rejected and realize being “used” isnt limited to an age group, that maturity and communication skills aren’t a prerequist for aging. He’s not a “bad person or bad man”, quite the contrary. However, it’s still devastating to get slapped in the face, berated, having someone you love speak badly of you to make himself look and feel better. It hurts my core.

What I have to say to Erica is something I’m sure she’s heard over and over again: love yourself. Let someone else love you without changing yourself. Don’t be so concerned with what he’s doing, be more concerned with what YOU’RE doing. Make yourself happy and don’t be scared to let others help. Your sound like me, when I was younger. If one word anyone has said on these pages makes sense to you and registers….good for you, you’re one step ahead of the game.

If I can try again and lern from over 8 years of a termultuous relationship that I identified as love at 56 years old, you can too. Be happy…you’ll learn to accept it, enjoy it, and learn you’re worth it as all of you are. I’m learning too.

Please excusethe spelling and other errors as this was a very emotional few paragraphs and difficult to write.

@Erica –
There are so many of us who go through this pain. There are days when you feel elated, when you are able to block those sad thoughts. But then, when the time comes that all the world seems to be crashing down on you, you feel so helpless.
We might blame ourselves at one point, our “mistakes” playing over and over in our minds, filling us with regrets, the but’s and what if’s.
However, when you know deep inside you that you have loved truly and did what you could in that relationship, it is not your mistake at all.
Why they let go of us and all the facets of the break up we can understand as the time passes. It’s their loss, really.
For now, we swim through this muck of grief and loss, but we can tell ourselves that we can get through this. We really can.

@Karen –
I do agree with Karen, we may have made mistakes, but then – our ex’s also made mistakes. We are all human. Maybe that means they are less forgiving, or less tolerant to the things we do. Yes, if we loved truly, and we were still rejected then…. we were not meant to be together. Deep down this relationship was not able to live forever and suvive the hardships of life. This “crack@ would have happened later.

We only need to go through this with love and dignity, and learn from this, and grow.

Thank you Eddie once again for giving us this opportunity to share and to support each other. For me, it’s been 7 months since the breakup, and I feel I still need this support…

hello eddie
just wanted to thank you for your advice ,helped me alot ,iam dealing with a breakup now i left my boyfriend and moved away almost a week ago iam goin through a really wrough patch and i could use all the support i can get to get over all this hurt and depression thanks

@Ritza –

Girl, I know exactly what you mean. Honestly, I was just trying to convince myself with my last post that maintaining no contact is the best idea. Did I follow through with it? NOPE! I couldn’t help it. Last week, a young boy that was well known in my town committed suicide out of nowhere. He was in my little sister’s grade and it really shook everyone up. For some reason, it was like a reality check for me. I realized, you may not always have the time to tell people how you really feel, because you never know what might happen. Because I couldn’t help it, I texted my ex and told him I still cared for him and I loved him and for him to always remember that blah blah and all he said back was “Ally I’m not going to forget about you.” and that was it. I was hoping his response may have been “I still love you too” but it wasn’t. I know everytime I try and text him/call, it gets my hopes up that he will change his mind. So far he hasn’t. I know it isn’t healthy for me to do this, but my ex told me also that he wanted to still talk and be friends and that like yours said, who knows what will happen in the future between us. So now I feel like if I stop trying to talk to him, he will erase me from his life completely and there’ll be no chance for us to get together again. It just sucks so bad, especially because he still has his new girlfriend. I can’t deny that I still check his facebook all the time, just to see if they’re still dating. I still drive by his house sometimes to see if his car is home, I drive past his work sometimes, I look for his car around our neighborhood (he lives down the street), I check my cell every few mins for new texts from him, etc. I hate it. I really do. I want to let go, but I can’t. He was a HUGE part of my life for 5 years, and I am lost without him. I deserve better, like we all do, but it is just so hard to finally be able to accept that fact and move on.

I know I just posted a few minutes ago, but I wanted to again. Sorry, Eddie! =]

I Just wanted to reccommend a few songs to listen to that help work through a break up. These are songs that I have been listening to a lot lately and I have found they help me. Before you judge on some of these artists, give the songs a listen, I think the words are very relatable.

1- Picture to Burn by Taylor Swift
2- Clear by Miley Cyrus
3- Trash by Demi Lovato
4- Forget by Demi Lovato
5- From Where You Are by Lifehouse
6. Without You by Hinder
7- My Last Goodbye by Trading Yesterday
8- Never Again by Kelly Clarkson

I especially reccommend number 7 because I think it is kind of empowering. I gotta warn you though, some of these songs are more about missing someone, but I think that it’s okay to miss your ex. And it is okay to be a little sad every now and then. But just remember that things will get better. And give these songs a listen, they may help!

If anyone else has any reccomendations, please share! =]

@Chelsea Kelly – My myspace you can search by my e-mail, ericaann_81@yahoo.com, and same for facebook. Thanks for the support. I know you’re right. Hey, u know you’re right! We’re just mentally f’ed right now. It’ll be over soon. We can all keep each other smiling on here at the least for now

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