Comments on: The Vicious Cycle Of Your Memories http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories Learn how to survive a break up, rediscover your true self and find Mr/s Right Fri, 18 May 2012 14:22:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: Pacocita http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/comment-page-1/#comment-13372 Pacocita Tue, 15 Mar 2011 20:59:00 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/#comment-13372 I absolutely feel this way! I feel like I am trapped in my thoughts just because if I stop thinking then I put an end to our relationship. I feel that I would sabotage it, if he was only going through a "phase". It definitely feels like I would betray him! I absolutely feel this way! I feel like I am trapped in my thoughts just because if I stop thinking then I put an end to our relationship. I feel that I would sabotage it, if he was only going through a “phase”.
It definitely feels like I would betray him!

]]> By: Anon http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/comment-page-1/#comment-9667 Anon Tue, 09 Nov 2010 08:17:40 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/#comment-9667 Probably the biggest mistake I've been making is the way I am CONSTANTLY thinking about my breakup. But the thing is, I feel guilty about this too... which makes me feel even worse. I realized I never really loved my boyfriend, even though I said I did. So really, I'm just missing the idea of being in love, and being in a relationship.<br>I didn't even know my boyfriend very well. This is probably due to the fact that we had a long distance relationship...<br>So every time I think about about him or the breakup, which is constantly, I know I'm putting him on a pedestal and almost imagining up a new person. I literally have conversations with this person in my head or imagine up random situations. Maybe there'll be something happening in my life, and I'll "tell" him this. In my head. I know. I'm crazy.<br>I know I need to stop this. Everytime I have the urge to "tell" him something, I stop and remind myself NOT to "talk" to him. This has helped a lot so far. He's always been fairly disconnected from my real life, naturally, and now I can see that we REALLY are now, and I can get used to it. Probably the biggest mistake I've been making is the way I am CONSTANTLY thinking about my breakup. But the thing is, I feel guilty about this too… which makes me feel even worse. I realized I never really loved my boyfriend, even though I said I did. So really, I'm just missing the idea of being in love, and being in a relationship.
I didn't even know my boyfriend very well. This is probably due to the fact that we had a long distance relationship…
So every time I think about about him or the breakup, which is constantly, I know I'm putting him on a pedestal and almost imagining up a new person. I literally have conversations with this person in my head or imagine up random situations. Maybe there'll be something happening in my life, and I'll “tell” him this. In my head. I know. I'm crazy.
I know I need to stop this. Everytime I have the urge to “tell” him something, I stop and remind myself NOT to “talk” to him. This has helped a lot so far. He's always been fairly disconnected from my real life, naturally, and now I can see that we REALLY are now, and I can get used to it.

]]> By: anonymous http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/comment-page-1/#comment-8163 anonymous Fri, 16 Jul 2010 10:24:29 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/#comment-8163 I've been through a few break-ups in the past 2.5 years-- one was out of an 8 year relationship, a small handful were over two month dating things, and one was out of a 6 month relationship. I would say the hardest was coming out of the 6 month relationship, since we were in the state of honey-mooning, transitioning to getting really serious, and she just abandoned ship, broke up with me over the phone, and seemed to change entirely.<br><br>I'm back on this site after having a hard time letting go of a 2 month thing. Since it wasn't so serious, I'm able to notice some of my patterns in break ups. It's good to be aware but still, doesn't mean I've been able to stop them.<br><br>My dispositions that seem to make me more vulnerable to cyclic obsessing and thinking:<br>1. I've always been a worrier and prone to deep/obsessive thinking my whole life<br>2. Through these break ups (especially the 6 month one where my ex just "disappeared"). I've realized that I still have major abandonement issues from when my dad passed away when I was 12. In short, he got really ill with emphasema, became mentally ill, left town to stay with his brother, and died there. We never saw him, his body, or had a real funeral. I'm 31 now.<br><br>I have a therapist, but still can't seem to get a way around the "monkey-mind thinking". I have good and positive moments and bad, like most, but there's a part of my brain that literally panics and needs to make sure the ex is still alive at my worst moments. This is sparked by heavey thinking, dreams, and moments when I can't otherwise distract myself. I KNOW this idea that the person is dead is silly, but I can't seem to quiet it. In my case, thank god for facebook because it's kept me from calling to check in (like i would have years ago) and has given me another way to "check in" when I'm going through this panicked stage. Eventually, I'm able to separate and not care anymore, but it's hard to sit with myself through this period. Sounds crazy writing it, actually! Perhaps I am OCD? <br><br>I am trying my best to get away from the computer and just enjoy life in the present and i know at some point, I will have forgotten him. If anything, I have become easier on myself through all of these heartaches the past few years, which is a big deal. I've been through a few break-ups in the past 2.5 years– one was out of an 8 year relationship, a small handful were over two month dating things, and one was out of a 6 month relationship. I would say the hardest was coming out of the 6 month relationship, since we were in the state of honey-mooning, transitioning to getting really serious, and she just abandoned ship, broke up with me over the phone, and seemed to change entirely.

I'm back on this site after having a hard time letting go of a 2 month thing. Since it wasn't so serious, I'm able to notice some of my patterns in break ups. It's good to be aware but still, doesn't mean I've been able to stop them.

My dispositions that seem to make me more vulnerable to cyclic obsessing and thinking:
1. I've always been a worrier and prone to deep/obsessive thinking my whole life
2. Through these break ups (especially the 6 month one where my ex just “disappeared”). I've realized that I still have major abandonement issues from when my dad passed away when I was 12. In short, he got really ill with emphasema, became mentally ill, left town to stay with his brother, and died there. We never saw him, his body, or had a real funeral. I'm 31 now.

I have a therapist, but still can't seem to get a way around the “monkey-mind thinking”. I have good and positive moments and bad, like most, but there's a part of my brain that literally panics and needs to make sure the ex is still alive at my worst moments. This is sparked by heavey thinking, dreams, and moments when I can't otherwise distract myself. I KNOW this idea that the person is dead is silly, but I can't seem to quiet it. In my case, thank god for facebook because it's kept me from calling to check in (like i would have years ago) and has given me another way to “check in” when I'm going through this panicked stage. Eventually, I'm able to separate and not care anymore, but it's hard to sit with myself through this period. Sounds crazy writing it, actually! Perhaps I am OCD?

I am trying my best to get away from the computer and just enjoy life in the present and i know at some point, I will have forgotten him. If anything, I have become easier on myself through all of these heartaches the past few years, which is a big deal.

]]> By: stronger ;) http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/comment-page-1/#comment-5230 stronger ;) Wed, 26 Aug 2009 06:28:32 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/#comment-5230 I wondered if anyone had the experience I am having now: I was the "Dumper" and for some time (while traveling away from the location loaded with all the memories about my ex), I was doing fine. We kept occasional contact over email but it seemed alright to do (although I guess it was not). Then, once I returned to the city we both used to live in (and my ex is still here of course, and I met him to collect my things from his house), I started feeling the urge to call him up and share the "why we can't be together" thoughts i have. I guess it is a kind of a reassurance to myself - as if I need to convince myself breaking up was the right thing to do - and we talk a lot about why it did not work out or what we are looking to do differently in the future. At the same time, I do realize this is a complete violation of the No Contact rule, and I don't know if I should consider it progress or regress. I guess doing this gives me some comfort knowing that I have made my best to make my ex understand my reasons for breaking up, and yet, by keeping the conversation going, to think for myself that I am not that BAD to completely kick him out of my life (which I, of course, seem very unwilling to do because he is a wonderful person but I see no future for us in the long run). Yet, all of this makes me wonder if I am at all having any progress at all - I do want to put the pieces together and I do reflect on the relationship a lot - but am I doing the talking only to feed my Ego, or to actually help the situation? Also, I seem to want to be friends with him, but I wonder, how could he ever be friends with me after I tell him how I don't feel anything for him anymore? I mean, how could one be friends with someone who doesn't care for them? I wondered if anyone had the experience I am having now: I was the “Dumper” and for some time (while traveling away from the location loaded with all the memories about my ex), I was doing fine. We kept occasional contact over email but it seemed alright to do (although I guess it was not). Then, once I returned to the city we both used to live in (and my ex is still here of course, and I met him to collect my things from his house), I started feeling the urge to call him up and share the “why we can’t be together” thoughts i have. I guess it is a kind of a reassurance to myself – as if I need to convince myself breaking up was the right thing to do – and we talk a lot about why it did not work out or what we are looking to do differently in the future.

At the same time, I do realize this is a complete violation of the No Contact rule, and I don’t know if I should consider it progress or regress. I guess doing this gives me some comfort knowing that I have made my best to make my ex understand my reasons for breaking up, and yet, by keeping the conversation going, to think for myself that I am not that BAD to completely kick him out of my life (which I, of course, seem very unwilling to do because he is a wonderful person but I see no future for us in the long run).

Yet, all of this makes me wonder if I am at all having any progress at all – I do want to put the pieces together and I do reflect on the relationship a lot – but am I doing the talking only to feed my Ego, or to actually help the situation? Also, I seem to want to be friends with him, but I wonder, how could he ever be friends with me after I tell him how I don’t feel anything for him anymore? I mean, how could one be friends with someone who doesn’t care for them?

]]> By: Cheeky Tricky Chic http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/comment-page-1/#comment-4104 Cheeky Tricky Chic Sun, 04 Jan 2009 06:26:16 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/#comment-4104 Words fail me to express how appreciative I am. Thank you sooooooooo much. Words fail me to express how appreciative I am. Thank you sooooooooo much.

]]> By: 1JadedHeart http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/comment-page-1/#comment-3406 1JadedHeart Sat, 13 Sep 2008 04:13:07 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/#comment-3406 <a href='#comment-1777' rel="nofollow">@Danielle</a> - Danielle - Not sure if you are still out there reading this, but I understand completely how you must be feeling. I recently lost someone from my life that I loved more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. I will always feel love this person, until the day I die (which I thought I was going to do initially). The one piece of advice I got, which I hated to hear, was to give it time. We have to allow ourselves the time to mourn the loss of our relationship (not the same thing as dwelling on it) and with time the pain will lessen. This ended up to be good advice. Although the pain is still deep and will never completely go away, it has now become much more manageable and I can actually enjoy life again. One quote that I have come to completely disagree with , though, is that "time heals all wounds." No, it doesn't. Sometimes it only allows us to be able to put internal space between our present life and the pain of the past. This, in turn, allows us to control it more so it does not continue to consume us. My thoughts, for what they are worth.... @Danielle – Danielle – Not sure if you are still out there reading this, but I understand completely how you must be feeling. I recently lost someone from my life that I loved more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. I will always feel love this person, until the day I die (which I thought I was going to do initially). The one piece of advice I got, which I hated to hear, was to give it time. We have to allow ourselves the time to mourn the loss of our relationship (not the same thing as dwelling on it) and with time the pain will lessen. This ended up to be good advice. Although the pain is still deep and will never completely go away, it has now become much more manageable and I can actually enjoy life again. One quote that I have come to completely disagree with , though, is that “time heals all wounds.” No, it doesn’t. Sometimes it only allows us to be able to put internal space between our present life and the pain of the past. This, in turn, allows us to control it more so it does not continue to consume us.

My thoughts, for what they are worth….

]]> By: 1JadedHeart http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/comment-page-1/#comment-3405 1JadedHeart Sat, 13 Sep 2008 04:00:27 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/#comment-3405 Excellent article. One thing that was critical for me goes along with thought control. That is positive self-talk. A lot of times we have a tendency to find fault with ourselves as a result of the failed relationship. I am also easily susceptible to deep depressions if I ever start allowing myself to wallow in self-pity. I found that to avoid this I must not only control my thoughts, but actively talk to myself about positive things. I do this a lot through affirmations. To me, affirmations do not have to be these great, inspired sentences; they just have to be something simple that is right for you. Doing this has helped me to make drastic changes in my life. Also, we have to have the dogged determination to do the things mentioned in this article consistently, especially when we want to the least. Excellent article. One thing that was critical for me goes along with thought control. That is positive self-talk. A lot of times we have a tendency to find fault with ourselves as a result of the failed relationship. I am also easily susceptible to deep depressions if I ever start allowing myself to wallow in self-pity. I found that to avoid this I must not only control my thoughts, but actively talk to myself about positive things. I do this a lot through affirmations. To me, affirmations do not have to be these great, inspired sentences; they just have to be something simple that is right for you. Doing this has helped me to make drastic changes in my life.

Also, we have to have the dogged determination to do the things mentioned in this article consistently, especially when we want to the least.

]]> By: Eddie Corbano http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/comment-page-1/#comment-2986 Eddie Corbano Fri, 15 Aug 2008 09:17:08 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/#comment-2986 <a href="#comment-2975" rel="nofollow">@Blue</a> Thank you for your inspiring thoughts. You did good. Complete No-Contact is the most important thing to do. It’s ok that you still miss and think about him, we are human not machines. With time you will notice a shift, your thoughts will be more positive and one day you will remember your relationship and gain strength from it, without pain or judging. Thanks for the saying, I like it. @Blue

Thank you for your inspiring thoughts.

You did good. Complete No-Contact is the most important thing to do.

It’s ok that you still miss and think about him, we are human not machines.

With time you will notice a shift, your thoughts will be more positive and one day you will remember your relationship and gain strength from it, without pain or judging.

Thanks for the saying, I like it.

]]> By: Blue http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/comment-page-1/#comment-2975 Blue Thu, 14 Aug 2008 15:47:12 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/#comment-2975 I got rid of every shred of evidence of our relationship. Tore the pictures up, trashed the gifts. Deleted every email and chat log. Blocked him from all sites and accounts. I wish I could talk to him again- but why? This will make it easier on both of us, I know it. Its the least to be done. I just want to move on. So this is how I am trying to. I love this man with all my being and always will. But there is a saying: aur bhi dukh hain zamaane mein, mohabbat ke sivaa. This always helps me. It means "there are other agonies in this land, other than love". This, too, shall pass and there is so many other things to focus on in life. Only thing is, I have cut him out of my life and usually dont think about him (even though it has only been one day since our break-up) but his memories linger. I have accepted the fact that I lost the love of my life and even if I got him back, what would I do with him? The damage done to our relationship was irreversible and I caused it. So now I just want to forget, forget, forget and forget and move on. Time will tell, I suppose... I got rid of every shred of evidence of our relationship. Tore the pictures up, trashed the gifts. Deleted every email and chat log. Blocked him from all sites and accounts. I wish I could talk to him again- but why? This will make it easier on both of us, I know it. Its the least to be done. I just want to move on. So this is how I am trying to. I love this man with all my being and always will. But there is a saying:

aur bhi dukh hain zamaane mein, mohabbat ke sivaa.

This always helps me. It means “there are other agonies in this land, other than love”. This, too, shall pass and there is so many other things to focus on in life. Only thing is, I have cut him out of my life and usually dont think about him (even though it has only been one day since our break-up) but his memories linger. I have accepted the fact that I lost the love of my life and even if I got him back, what would I do with him? The damage done to our relationship was irreversible and I caused it. So now I just want to forget, forget, forget and forget and move on. Time will tell, I suppose…

]]> By: Occy http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/comment-page-1/#comment-2769 Occy Wed, 30 Jul 2008 18:00:25 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/#comment-2769 I cant even begin to describe how much this website has helped me. On this topic here I actually found a GREAT link to a proven method of detaching emotions from events - http://www.buildfreedom.com/tl/tl12.shtml These methods have changed my life, it took months to get freeze framing down but my stress level and overall mental outlook is changed forever. I cant even begin to describe how much this website has helped me. On this topic here I actually found a GREAT link to a proven method of detaching emotions from events –

http://www.buildfreedom.com/tl/tl12.shtml

These methods have changed my life, it took months to get freeze framing down but my stress level and overall mental outlook is changed forever.

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