Comments on: The Vicious Cycle Of Your Memories http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/ Learn how to survive after breaking up and read some great relationship advice for having new and healthy relationships. Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:45:08 +0100 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc hourly 1 By: stronger ;) http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/comment-page-1/#comment-5230 stronger ;) Wed, 26 Aug 2009 06:28:32 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/#comment-5230 I wondered if anyone had the experience I am having now: I was the "Dumper" and for some time (while traveling away from the location loaded with all the memories about my ex), I was doing fine. We kept occasional contact over email but it seemed alright to do (although I guess it was not). Then, once I returned to the city we both used to live in (and my ex is still here of course, and I met him to collect my things from his house), I started feeling the urge to call him up and share the "why we can't be together" thoughts i have. I guess it is a kind of a reassurance to myself - as if I need to convince myself breaking up was the right thing to do - and we talk a lot about why it did not work out or what we are looking to do differently in the future. At the same time, I do realize this is a complete violation of the No Contact rule, and I don't know if I should consider it progress or regress. I guess doing this gives me some comfort knowing that I have made my best to make my ex understand my reasons for breaking up, and yet, by keeping the conversation going, to think for myself that I am not that BAD to completely kick him out of my life (which I, of course, seem very unwilling to do because he is a wonderful person but I see no future for us in the long run). Yet, all of this makes me wonder if I am at all having any progress at all - I do want to put the pieces together and I do reflect on the relationship a lot - but am I doing the talking only to feed my Ego, or to actually help the situation? Also, I seem to want to be friends with him, but I wonder, how could he ever be friends with me after I tell him how I don't feel anything for him anymore? I mean, how could one be friends with someone who doesn't care for them?<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('5230','stronger ;)'); return false;">reply</a> | <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('5230','stronger ;)','I wondered if anyone had the experience I am having now: I was the \"Dumper\" and for some time (while traveling away from the location loaded with all the memories about my ex), I was doing fine. We kept occasional contact over email but it seemed alright to do (although I guess it was not). Then, once I returned to the city we both used to live in (and my ex is still here of course, and I met him to collect my things from his house), I started feeling the urge to call him up and share the \"why we can\'t be together\" thoughts i have. I guess it is a kind of a reassurance to myself - as if I need to convince myself breaking up was the right thing to do - and we talk a lot about why it did not work out or what we are looking to do differently in the future. \r\n\r\nAt the same time, I do realize this is a complete violation of the No Contact rule, and I don\'t know if I should consider it progress or regress. I guess doing this gives me some comfort knowing that I have made my best to make my ex understand my reasons for breaking up, and yet, by keeping the conversation going, to think for myself that I am not that BAD to completely kick him out of my life (which I, of course, seem very unwilling to do because he is a wonderful person but I see no future for us in the long run). \r\n\r\nYet, all of this makes me wonder if I am at all having any progress at all - I do want to put the pieces together and I do reflect on the relationship a lot - but am I doing the talking only to feed my Ego, or to actually help the situation? Also, I seem to want to be friends with him, but I wonder, how could he ever be friends with me after I tell him how I don\'t feel anything for him anymore? I mean, how could one be friends with someone who doesn\'t care for them?'); return false;">quote</a></div> I wondered if anyone had the experience I am having now: I was the “Dumper” and for some time (while traveling away from the location loaded with all the memories about my ex), I was doing fine. We kept occasional contact over email but it seemed alright to do (although I guess it was not). Then, once I returned to the city we both used to live in (and my ex is still here of course, and I met him to collect my things from his house), I started feeling the urge to call him up and share the “why we can’t be together” thoughts i have. I guess it is a kind of a reassurance to myself – as if I need to convince myself breaking up was the right thing to do – and we talk a lot about why it did not work out or what we are looking to do differently in the future.

At the same time, I do realize this is a complete violation of the No Contact rule, and I don’t know if I should consider it progress or regress. I guess doing this gives me some comfort knowing that I have made my best to make my ex understand my reasons for breaking up, and yet, by keeping the conversation going, to think for myself that I am not that BAD to completely kick him out of my life (which I, of course, seem very unwilling to do because he is a wonderful person but I see no future for us in the long run).

Yet, all of this makes me wonder if I am at all having any progress at all – I do want to put the pieces together and I do reflect on the relationship a lot – but am I doing the talking only to feed my Ego, or to actually help the situation? Also, I seem to want to be friends with him, but I wonder, how could he ever be friends with me after I tell him how I don’t feel anything for him anymore? I mean, how could one be friends with someone who doesn’t care for them?

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]]> By: Cheeky Tricky Chic http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/comment-page-1/#comment-4104 Cheeky Tricky Chic Sun, 04 Jan 2009 06:26:16 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/#comment-4104 Words fail me to express how appreciative I am. Thank you sooooooooo much.<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('4104','Cheeky Tricky Chic'); return false;">reply</a> | <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('4104','Cheeky Tricky Chic','Words fail me to express how appreciative I am. Thank you sooooooooo much.'); return false;">quote</a></div> Words fail me to express how appreciative I am. Thank you sooooooooo much.
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]]> By: 1JadedHeart http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/comment-page-1/#comment-3406 1JadedHeart Sat, 13 Sep 2008 04:13:07 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/#comment-3406 <a href='#comment-1777' rel="nofollow">@Danielle</a> - Danielle - Not sure if you are still out there reading this, but I understand completely how you must be feeling. I recently lost someone from my life that I loved more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. I will always feel love this person, until the day I die (which I thought I was going to do initially). The one piece of advice I got, which I hated to hear, was to give it time. We have to allow ourselves the time to mourn the loss of our relationship (not the same thing as dwelling on it) and with time the pain will lessen. This ended up to be good advice. Although the pain is still deep and will never completely go away, it has now become much more manageable and I can actually enjoy life again. One quote that I have come to completely disagree with , though, is that "time heals all wounds." No, it doesn't. Sometimes it only allows us to be able to put internal space between our present life and the pain of the past. This, in turn, allows us to control it more so it does not continue to consume us. My thoughts, for what they are worth....<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('3406','1JadedHeart'); return false;">reply</a> | <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('3406','1JadedHeart','<a href=\'#comment-1777\' rel=\"nofollow\">@Danielle<\/a> - Danielle - Not sure if you are still out there reading this, but I understand completely how you must be feeling. I recently lost someone from my life that I loved more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. I will always feel love this person, until the day I die (which I thought I was going to do initially). The one piece of advice I got, which I hated to hear, was to give it time. We have to allow ourselves the time to mourn the loss of our relationship (not the same thing as dwelling on it) and with time the pain will lessen. This ended up to be good advice. Although the pain is still deep and will never completely go away, it has now become much more manageable and I can actually enjoy life again. One quote that I have come to completely disagree with , though, is that \"time heals all wounds.\" No, it doesn\'t. Sometimes it only allows us to be able to put internal space between our present life and the pain of the past. This, in turn, allows us to control it more so it does not continue to consume us.\r\n\r\nMy thoughts, for what they are worth....'); return false;">quote</a></div> @Danielle – Danielle – Not sure if you are still out there reading this, but I understand completely how you must be feeling. I recently lost someone from my life that I loved more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. I will always feel love this person, until the day I die (which I thought I was going to do initially). The one piece of advice I got, which I hated to hear, was to give it time. We have to allow ourselves the time to mourn the loss of our relationship (not the same thing as dwelling on it) and with time the pain will lessen. This ended up to be good advice. Although the pain is still deep and will never completely go away, it has now become much more manageable and I can actually enjoy life again. One quote that I have come to completely disagree with , though, is that “time heals all wounds.” No, it doesn’t. Sometimes it only allows us to be able to put internal space between our present life and the pain of the past. This, in turn, allows us to control it more so it does not continue to consume us.

My thoughts, for what they are worth….

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]]> By: 1JadedHeart http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/comment-page-1/#comment-3405 1JadedHeart Sat, 13 Sep 2008 04:00:27 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/#comment-3405 Excellent article. One thing that was critical for me goes along with thought control. That is positive self-talk. A lot of times we have a tendency to find fault with ourselves as a result of the failed relationship. I am also easily susceptible to deep depressions if I ever start allowing myself to wallow in self-pity. I found that to avoid this I must not only control my thoughts, but actively talk to myself about positive things. I do this a lot through affirmations. To me, affirmations do not have to be these great, inspired sentences; they just have to be something simple that is right for you. Doing this has helped me to make drastic changes in my life. Also, we have to have the dogged determination to do the things mentioned in this article consistently, especially when we want to the least.<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('3405','1JadedHeart'); return false;">reply</a> | <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('3405','1JadedHeart','Excellent article. One thing that was critical for me goes along with thought control. That is positive self-talk. A lot of times we have a tendency to find fault with ourselves as a result of the failed relationship. I am also easily susceptible to deep depressions if I ever start allowing myself to wallow in self-pity. I found that to avoid this I must not only control my thoughts, but actively talk to myself about positive things. I do this a lot through affirmations. To me, affirmations do not have to be these great, inspired sentences; they just have to be something simple that is right for you. Doing this has helped me to make drastic changes in my life.\r\n\r\nAlso, we have to have the dogged determination to do the things mentioned in this article consistently, especially when we want to the least.'); return false;">quote</a></div> Excellent article. One thing that was critical for me goes along with thought control. That is positive self-talk. A lot of times we have a tendency to find fault with ourselves as a result of the failed relationship. I am also easily susceptible to deep depressions if I ever start allowing myself to wallow in self-pity. I found that to avoid this I must not only control my thoughts, but actively talk to myself about positive things. I do this a lot through affirmations. To me, affirmations do not have to be these great, inspired sentences; they just have to be something simple that is right for you. Doing this has helped me to make drastic changes in my life.

Also, we have to have the dogged determination to do the things mentioned in this article consistently, especially when we want to the least.

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]]> By: Eddie Corbano http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/comment-page-1/#comment-2986 Eddie Corbano Fri, 15 Aug 2008 09:17:08 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/#comment-2986 @Blue

Thank you for your inspiring thoughts.

You did good. Complete No-Contact is the most important thing to do.

It’s ok that you still miss and think about him, we are human not machines.

With time you will notice a shift, your thoughts will be more positive and one day you will remember your relationship and gain strength from it, without pain or judging.

Thanks for the saying, I like it.

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]]> By: Blue http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/comment-page-1/#comment-2975 Blue Thu, 14 Aug 2008 15:47:12 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/#comment-2975 I got rid of every shred of evidence of our relationship. Tore the pictures up, trashed the gifts. Deleted every email and chat log. Blocked him from all sites and accounts. I wish I could talk to him again- but why? This will make it easier on both of us, I know it. Its the least to be done. I just want to move on. So this is how I am trying to. I love this man with all my being and always will. But there is a saying: aur bhi dukh hain zamaane mein, mohabbat ke sivaa. This always helps me. It means "there are other agonies in this land, other than love". This, too, shall pass and there is so many other things to focus on in life. Only thing is, I have cut him out of my life and usually dont think about him (even though it has only been one day since our break-up) but his memories linger. I have accepted the fact that I lost the love of my life and even if I got him back, what would I do with him? The damage done to our relationship was irreversible and I caused it. So now I just want to forget, forget, forget and forget and move on. Time will tell, I suppose...<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('2975','Blue'); return false;">reply</a> | <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('2975','Blue','I got rid of every shred of evidence of our relationship. Tore the pictures up, trashed the gifts. Deleted every email and chat log. Blocked him from all sites and accounts. I wish I could talk to him again- but why? This will make it easier on both of us, I know it. Its the least to be done. I just want to move on. So this is how I am trying to. I love this man with all my being and always will. But there is a saying:\r\n\r\naur bhi dukh hain zamaane mein, mohabbat ke sivaa.\r\n\r\nThis always helps me. It means \"there are other agonies in this land, other than love\". This, too, shall pass and there is so many other things to focus on in life. Only thing is, I have cut him out of my life and usually dont think about him (even though it has only been one day since our break-up) but his memories linger. I have accepted the fact that I lost the love of my life and even if I got him back, what would I do with him? The damage done to our relationship was irreversible and I caused it. So now I just want to forget, forget, forget and forget and move on. Time will tell, I suppose...'); return false;">quote</a></div> I got rid of every shred of evidence of our relationship. Tore the pictures up, trashed the gifts. Deleted every email and chat log. Blocked him from all sites and accounts. I wish I could talk to him again- but why? This will make it easier on both of us, I know it. Its the least to be done. I just want to move on. So this is how I am trying to. I love this man with all my being and always will. But there is a saying:

aur bhi dukh hain zamaane mein, mohabbat ke sivaa.

This always helps me. It means “there are other agonies in this land, other than love”. This, too, shall pass and there is so many other things to focus on in life. Only thing is, I have cut him out of my life and usually dont think about him (even though it has only been one day since our break-up) but his memories linger. I have accepted the fact that I lost the love of my life and even if I got him back, what would I do with him? The damage done to our relationship was irreversible and I caused it. So now I just want to forget, forget, forget and forget and move on. Time will tell, I suppose…

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]]> By: Occy http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/comment-page-1/#comment-2769 Occy Wed, 30 Jul 2008 18:00:25 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/#comment-2769 I cant even begin to describe how much this website has helped me. On this topic here I actually found a GREAT link to a proven method of detaching emotions from events - http://www.buildfreedom.com/tl/tl12.shtml These methods have changed my life, it took months to get freeze framing down but my stress level and overall mental outlook is changed forever.<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('2769','Occy'); return false;">reply</a> | <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('2769','Occy','I cant even begin to describe how much this website has helped me. On this topic here I actually found a GREAT link to a proven method of detaching emotions from events - \r\n\r\nhttp:\/\/www.buildfreedom.com\/tl\/tl12.shtml\r\n\r\nThese methods have changed my life, it took months to get freeze framing down but my stress level and overall mental outlook is changed forever.'); return false;">quote</a></div> I cant even begin to describe how much this website has helped me. On this topic here I actually found a GREAT link to a proven method of detaching emotions from events –

http://www.buildfreedom.com/tl/tl12.shtml

These methods have changed my life, it took months to get freeze framing down but my stress level and overall mental outlook is changed forever.

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]]> By: Alustriel http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/comment-page-1/#comment-2283 Alustriel Sat, 21 Jun 2008 15:05:11 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/#comment-2283 Thanks so much!<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('2283','Alustriel'); return false;">reply</a> | <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('2283','Alustriel','Thanks so much!'); return false;">quote</a></div> Thanks so much!
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]]> By: Adam http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/comment-page-1/#comment-2275 Adam Fri, 20 Jun 2008 22:20:34 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/#comment-2275 Some excellent tips in this article.<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('2275','Adam'); return false;">reply</a> | <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('2275','Adam','Some excellent tips in this article.'); return false;">quote</a></div> Some excellent tips in this article.
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]]> By: dhvani http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/comment-page-1/#comment-2237 dhvani Mon, 16 Jun 2008 13:12:18 +0000 http://lovesagame.com/the-vicious-cycle-of-your-memories/#comment-2237 hi eddie, thanks so much for creating this website...i am going through my first break up, and reading about the action oriented positive words towards dealing with it are making me feel a little bit more like i am in control and this too shall pass...... although it seems very difficult...at the moment... thanks again, dhvani.<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('2237','dhvani'); return false;">reply</a> | <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('2237','dhvani','hi eddie, thanks so much for creating this website...i am going through my first break up, and reading about the action oriented positive words towards dealing with it are making me feel a little bit more like i am in control and this too shall pass...... although it seems very difficult...at the moment...\r\n\r\nthanks again, \r\ndhvani.'); return false;">quote</a></div> hi eddie, thanks so much for creating this website…i am going through my first break up, and reading about the action oriented positive words towards dealing with it are making me feel a little bit more like i am in control and this too shall pass…… although it seems very difficult…at the moment…

thanks again,
dhvani.

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