Break Up and Divorce How To Turn Your Painful Break-Up Into A Victory

How To Turn Your Painful Break-Up Into A Victory

Photo by: SomeDriftwood

“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” ”• Dalai Lama

I used to tell her all the time, “If we broke up right now, you would probably be a little sad for a week or so, and then perfectly happy again, right?”

She was supposed to say that this wasn't true at all and that she would be devastated – if not for the rest of her life … then at least for a few years.

This would have proven to me how much she loved me.

How stupid and insecure I was.

As if the intensity and duration of suffering after a breakup were a measurement for the love you felt during the relationship.

You suffer a lot means you have loved a lot.

That's is all kinds of wrong.

Not getting what you want after a breakupThe way you handle a breakup is absolutely no indication whether your love was real or not in the relationship.

It is merely an indication for your self-awareness and self-control.

Still thinking about your Ex? Click here to take the test to learn how long it takes to heal... and how you can speed up the process.

If you cared about your partner, you will suffer.

But the HOW and how LONG you suffer, is within your control, even if it doesn’t feel this way now.

A breakup, (or a divorce), is often a trigger for experiences or events that you may have hidden in your subconscious.

Things you don’t want to be aware of.

Your dark closet.

An existential event like a breakup opens this hidden closet with force, and then not only do we have to deal with the fact that our partner is gone, now we are additionally burdened with all the stuff that we’ve avoided so well over the years.

The pain of past breakups, insecurities about ourselves, bad stuff from our childhood and lots more.

All of this inevitably leads to one fatal – and yet so wrong – conclusion:

That we aren’t good enough. That there’s something wrong with us.

And that, my friends, is truly dark and self-damaging stuff.

Such a way of thinking – if not nipped in the bud – will damage you. It will prevent you from getting better, and even worse, it will keep you spinning in the rat race of bad relationships.

Why do we keep choosing the wrong partners? Why do we keep having the same experiences over and over again?

“Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better.” ”• Steve Maraboli

When I finally “woke up” and realized that the problem was not with THEM leaving me, but that it was ME attracting the wrong partners right from the start, it was a revelation.

It forced me to take responsibility for my life.

Suddenly it wasn’t just “bad luck” in choosing partners, but a wrong mindset.

You can’t fix “bad luck,” but you CAN fix a wrong mindset.

Once I understood that my fate and happiness was in my own hands, I knew that there was nothing that was holding me back.

I stopped being a victim. I stopped blaming others for what went wrong in my life and started playing an ACTIVE role in my life. I was passive for way too long.

Things always “happened” to me. Now I make things happen in my life.

This is what I wish for you.

That you realize that you HAVE control over your life and you start playing an ACTIVE role.

Following the “No-Contact Rule” is the first step.

Taking care of yourself, of your needs, thoughts, and wishes is the next one.

You have to put yourself first now.

I know that all your dreams and plans for the future have been shattered to pieces, everything you hoped for, and I’m really sorry for that.

But you have the choice to see this event as the worst thing that ever happened to you, or the best thing.

I know what you are thinking.

How can something like this be the best thing that ever happened?

Well, it was for me.

It’s the event that made me the person I am today, and I really like how I am today.

I hated how I was back then. Isn’t THAT alone worth the pain and the despair?

Of course, this had severe consequences … I mean ME, liking myself all of a sudden.

When you like yourself, magical things start to happen.

You don’t tolerate wrong partners.

You don’t tolerate your needs not being met.

You don’t tolerate not being happy.

You want the best for yourself. No more, no less.

And before you know it, your world changes. Day by day, experience by experience.

Until one day, you wake up thinking, “Wow, how did this happen?”

It started to happen the one day you altered your mindset, made change possible, and attracted new possibilities.

It started to happen the day you refused to be a victim anymore and took control of your life.

Who am I? What is in the dark closet?

Ask bravely, face the consequences and play an active part in your life. That is how lasting change is made.

Do you feel it? Do you feel that it’s possible?

Then start NOW.

Not in an hour, not in a day, not next Monday.

TODAY.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

P.S.: What will be your first step besides having started No-Contact with your Ex? Please share bravely in the comment section below.

  • Nicolette,

    I have so much empathy for what you are going through. It feels devastating to have partners leave us when we are undergoing stressful times. It’s easy to be there during the good times. We want partners who will be there for the difficult times also. Even more so.

    Good for you that you found this supportive place and took the step of posting. I have found it uniquely helpful here. Well-meaning friends and family are often not helpful at all, offering empty-sounding platitudes like “you’ll find someone else” and “you deserve better”. Those attempts at comfort have no impact whatsoever on the pain you feel right now.

    I know you don’t know what to do (at least at the time you posted. Hopefully you stayed here, and read as many of Eddie’s articles as you could. Keep reading them and reading the forum posts. Start no contact. Stay with it as best you can. If you slide back, start up again. Sign up for Eddie’s daily emails. Some mornings they are my lifeline to being able to face another day.

    Wishing you support. Post here when you don’t feel so strong. It really helps.

  • Dear Hope and others.Its past Christmas, it was tough getting through although I had periods of sadness I rejoiced, in the blessings that I do have.
    Hope your situation isn’t unique it happens to a lot of us.It all comes down in the end to good communication.Have you every read about narcissitic people?Eddy has posted good articles about this.There are people(damaged) for whatever reasons and can’t love like you need to be loved.They aren’t supportive to you when you are hurting and everything isn’t going perfectly for them.I am not saying that your man was this kind of person but reading about other people(TYPES OF PEOPLE) might help you to understand that everyone isn’t like you.Caring,loving,giving,flexible for the greater good of the relationship is what comes though in your note,that you are.This man seems a bit self serving and not what you really need.It would seem that you are doing all the work to make it work.I believe that both parties should want to make it work cause living without you isn’t an option.If he thinks he’s lost interest he has and let him go.Painful and awful as it is you cannot change his patterns and how he thinks.You would only be hurting yourself more in the process of trying to get the good bits back and trying to understand how he thinks.Love yourself my girl,spend time with family,good friends,keep busy and read Eddies articles.He has been down like you and had searched for answers for years.He made this site for us the broken hearted so that we might lessen our heartaches and see that sometimes when we don’t get what we long for that it could be a
    blessing.You need to take care of you now,to heal,to grieve,to cry.Do the no contact rule and in time you will be stronger and understand that you have needs and wants and deserve someone who will always be there for you in good times and bad.Sending you warms hugs and look about on this page for you are not alone, we all have hearts broken we all are trying to get closure,understanding and move forward.
    Blessings Brenda

    • Bless you Brenda xxxxI think he is a narcissist, I have read about them and he fits the bill. He was hurt before and it’s made him bitter. He just used me. I loved him so much for almost 3 years. I still love him, but I will never ever go back. He has contacted me twice, I’ve ignored him. I get so angry sometimes I feel it will rip me apart! You are right this site is amazing and so is Eddie. And so are you thank you for your support xx

  • Nicolette says:

    Hi Eddie and readers,

    I’m hoping someone can help me as I’m going through the hardest time with my breakup. My boyfriend of 2+ years ended things with me, saying he lost interest in the relationship, felt we weren’t going anywhere, and that he felt disconnected and simply unhappy. I was completely distraught to hear him say these things as he hadn’t communicated these feelings to me. Rather, he’d remained the same with me throughout the relationship and always proved his love for me and our relationship through his actions. He would do the same things he did when we first started dating up until the point of our breakup. What truly devastates me is that he was the love of my life, and I would have done anything and everything to salvage the relationship. If only the feelings were communicated, I would have made every attempt to change the course our relationship had taken. I’d even recently asked him if he feels fulfilled by our relationship, and if he’s happy with me. Which were questions we’d sometimes ask during happy times. He’d always responsed saying yes. Initially we lived apart and would see each other only one-two times a week which we embraced, however as the relationship continued he decided to find an apartment that make us both happy and never failed to make every effort to make me happy. He’d bought furniture for me and we’d often do home shopping trips together. He was truly my best friend. Although not often, when we disagreed on something or argued, his ability to “turn off”, become emotionless and cold and not communicate would effect the relationship greatly and I’d address the issue at hand. that nothing would improve if we didn’t work through the issue. However, he never changed the way he dealt with turmoil in the relationship, and I’d be willing to stick it out because I know how hard it is to change a way of being after being that way for so long, but would be comforted by his acknowledgment of his problem and hope that the next time things would be handled differently.

    These past couple of months, I’ve endured some stressful changes in my life with my job and health and was trying to my best to work through them. I’d even spoken to him about financial concerns and received supportive feedback from him that reminded me why I was so happy to be with him. He truly was my best friend. However, during the weeks of my stress, he didn’t support me and instead concluded my illness was all in my head and that I didn’t have to feel this way. It hurt me tremendously to not have his support, as I would support him if he ever were in a situation like mine. Well 2 days ago he decided to end things and I am distraught. I’ve lost my partner and my best friend. I’m confused and saddened by this loss. It confuses me that he told me he didn’t see a future with me but we were in the process of living together. It confuses me that he told me he lost interest in the relationship and was unhappy but never showed any of those feelings through his actions. I would have made any sacrifice or changes to make the relationship work.

    No relationship or person is perfect, and I always felt happier when we were together. I knew there would be times of hardship but his ability to end things with no hesitation has effected me to my core and I don’t know what to do.

  • Thanks everyone for posting and Eddie for this site.As the holidays near I refuse to stay down and be sad soooo bought Bruno Mars on Itunes just now”Uptown Funk” I have it playing as I write this makes me want to dance and never stop!Thats what this life is ups and downs but we do have the choice to get up and dance like nobody is watching! hugs everyone! stay strong don’t stay down for too long the wrong people aren’t worth it YOU ARE

  • I feel great actually. This is day 25 of no contact. I know I will not see him or hear from him and I am totally relieved about that. He hurt me with pathetic mind games and I know I am better than him, kinder, nicer more loving and not selfish. I am so glad to be rid of him. I did no contact more times than I care to remember, but he always came back and I caved. But this time I know I won’t. I have deleted him from everything and no more drive bys!! Something just clicked in my brain and heart and I knew that if I didn’t get out, I would continue my slow painful heart break and I would lose myself completely. I am worth so so much more than him. I actually cannot believe I got into this mentally abusive relationship. Some days it still hurts a little, but I was once suicidal! Thankfully mostly now I have no pain in my chest at all and I just keep being grateful that with help from sites like this, I have finally seen the light. I am planning several holidays for next year and really looking forward to Christmas. For everyone who is still struggling: Keep telling yourself you are worth more than the person who really doesn’t care. You need to love yourself the way you wanted them to love you. That means realising you are wonderful and you have no need for such a dead end relationship, and you need to be free of it. Cry, scream, rant and rave in private……then STOP and move on with your life doing things you like to do. And you will get through it. Good luck xx

  • “I am in pain now. I broke up with my fiancé three weeks ago after nearly two years together. I love him so much but never realized I was always unhappy in the relationship. I always ended up crying and we had always to discuss and fight constantly about many things. I tried to survive but still I can’t take this anymore. We had so much problems. He is unsensitive guy and lack of empathy guy. He admitted it. He said sorry and he asked me to get back. He said he will change and promised to visit me still by the end of december to fix all of this. He lives in Germany while I live in Indonesia. We had LDR. I said no way to get back. I deleted him on fb, blocked him on whatsapp. And so on. I am in no contact day for two weeks. He stopped to contact me either. After few days, he updated his pics shows he was partying and get drunk. He never did that before. He knows it would hurt me. So I decided to remove all his fam and friends on my fb list. He started to deleted our pics when he realized. He just keeps one pic of us when we were in Holland in summer vacation. I cant stop to cry and asked myself why he did that. Why he just cant realize what he did to me.

    I dont know what to do. I dont know how to forget him. Too much memories and we planned to get marry next year. All just gone. What if he would really come again to meet me? He said he will change to be better. But you know to change character is just not as easy as that. I want to be happy. What should I do.. How to accept reality and forgive so I can continue my life.. Few days ago he deleted my number and changed the settings on his whatsapp. Seems like now he hates me back because I left him.”

    Thats how I felt long time ago. Now I reached the 30 days of NC and out of sudden he contacted me again. Said how am I doin and so on. He said he’s fine now with himself and come along if we could have a bit contact. I was like wtf. I said after ups and downs for a month, I cant be friends with him. Never will be. Because I think he’s just not worth my time, tears and so on. I do still have feelings because our time wasnt easy but well no no. I feel regret to reply his email. But I took that as a closure to myself. He said it’s pity that I cant be friends and he said I’m unmature. Who cares?! He said I am still special for him and no matter if he would already be with new gf or even have a wife, i am always welcome to contact him. He’s crazy.

    Good luck to everyone. Don’t give up. Even sometimes I still went to bed with tears.. At the end I’ll be fine.

  • Day 28…NC..long story. ..but I am in love with a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder. She would never admit this. We dated for 3 years and she broke up with me 7 times. I still love her..but I have to let go…so I wrote this.

    Losing love so you can live

    Losing love is complex.  Falling so deeply in love with someone and then finding it almost impossible to be what they need is a colossal conundrum.  You want them with every fiber in your being, yet there are forces that seem to keep you from being together.  Losing love is like a death.  You mourn, you grieve, you find yourself in despair.  They leave you because you do not have what they need…or that is what they believe.  When in fact, their needs are so pathologically dysfunctional that it would be almost impossible to meet those needs.  Yet, you still love them and you still want to be in their life. A conundrum.

    Maybe, just maybe, the fact that they can’t be with you is a blessing and God and the Universe have spared you from a lifetime of hardship and toil.  Maybe, just maybe, your heart is deceptive and confused, and is not rational enough to inform your decisions.  So, it is quite possible that if the love of your life leaves you, it is for the best.  It may not feel that way right now, but as you move past this rejection and embrace your own heart, allowing your heart to be quiet and still, you may soon see that rejection was actually a blessing.

    No one likes to be rejected.  It stings and penetrates to the core of our self worth, however, it is also like a fiery furnace that can burn away the chaff and cause us to evaluate our lives so we can learn how to love ourselves, regardless of being loved in return.

    Love is complex.  When that deep intimate connection takes root, it is nearly impossible to remove.  So instead of removing that connection, maybe we need to transform it.  Is it possible to transform this connection to something less destructive and more benign?  Maybe we can transform this connection from a daily and present desire to a sweet and long gone memory.  My father and mother have both passed away, and the immediate grief I felt right after those events was horrible…and I just wanted them back…but one day, I realized, I will never have them back, but instead I have their legacy and sweet memory.  There are good and bad memories, but I choose to keep the good ones and move on with my life.

    So this deep connection with a lost love can be transformed in the same way….let the death of the connection transpire so It can be transformed into a sweet memory, a legacy of your capacity for love.  Focus on the good that came from the connection.  Learn from the challenges and struggles, but do not give in to shame or regret.  Move forward. Move on.

    Letting go is moving on.  The connection is dead, but the memory of the connection can remain as a sweet essence that is only a taste of things to come.  Learn and grow from your missteps and prepare your heart for a new connection.  Love yourself so you can love others.

  • Dear all especially Merann-OMG girl I soo get you I wish that we could go out for coffee or better than that on a cruise with Eddie leading us all wouldn’t that be something!Eddie is the man he founded this site cause he was soo devastated with his love at the time but he went on to a better a better life.He wants us all to see that maybe if crap is raining down on you today that this doesn’t mean forever.Merann good on you girl for saying that you will do ok without him and you will.Me I broke contact to say “If I see you on the street I won’t acknowledge you .If you present at my hospital(which most of the town will do at some point) I don’t know you,you are F** dead to me get that!I just went to Mexico with friends and then 2 days after coming back I went off to see my dear Dad for 5 days he’s 93 yrs young.He told me sweetie keep those bad men at arms length,in my day we didn’t and don’t treat women this way.You look right at them through them.He told me you always brought home the strays you are soo big hearted gentle in nature,BUT now you have to watch out and guard yourself.This from my 93 year old terrific father a vet . I say to all women(and men) out there we matter don’t bend don’t change for anyone.I made that mistake time and time again sucked it up for the greater good.In the end I gave soo much of me that I was just a shell. Cheers and love people keep on keeping on stay strong believe Eddie cause hes walked this walk hugs and no worries regarding Christmas and New year.Yes there will be Xmas parties. I chose to bypass them this year personally its not that important,what is, is keeping sane and happy.Don’t look for trouble where the ex might be,make your own party! get a chick flick some vino some friends and bypass what would otherwise have potential to hurt you.I am working at the hospital all through the holidays that keeps me moving toward the New year–again all the best ,especially Merann want to go to Mexico sometime lol lol al the best dear girl!

  • Hi guys, just want to share that it’s been a week since I started NC. though it was my 7th try. atleast this time, it has been a good week. just one day at a time. Thanks for all your comments guys, I love reading all your experiences!

    • One Day at a Time says:

      Irca – that is TOTALLY AWESOME!!!!!! Keep up the good work!!!!

      I am VERY proud of you! I know it ain’t easy!!!!!

      🙂 🙂 🙂

      • Thanks One Day at a Time ! I am actually on my 11th day with the NC…having a great time with friends, co-workers really made me get through the past few days, there are some moments that I can’t help but think of it, but I’m glad im getting through it one day a time. I feel like I can actually become a better me after this heartache. :)))

  • Kasey Bella Luna says:

    Hi Everyone,

    Still struggling. Thanks ever so much everybody for your kindness in supporting me and each other through these necessary trials. I wanted to share a useful, free app I found that helps block your ex if cell doesn’t have block message capabilities like mine. Mr Number. It downloads through GPlay, blocks calls and texts. This is a Godsend for helping with No Contact.

    Keep going, and do your best to keep No Contact. I’ve had to restart a couple of times, and from personal experience, when in NC, you’ll have days of good and bad. But it does begin to get easier to deal with it. Should you slip for a moment, forgive yourself. You’re only human. Pick up with NC again soon as you can.

    For me, when I talk with him, I feel like I’m weak (he tells me I am) and wrong, and just LESS happy and, like I have no value as a person.The pain I receive from the one I loved will never crossover back to good. That part is over for a reason. The fact that I feel better and stronger, and getting back to good when I’m apart from him than when I’m with him, means he finds fault with me. So if he’s not happy with me, and I’m not happy with him, it’s a pretty clear sign it’s a toxic relationship for both of us.

    No Contact is truly the answer. Find the loopholes that may exist in your social media and and close them. Use the app I mentioned. It helped me.

    Best of luck to all! Hope is with us and we will prevail over the EXs through no contact.

    Eddie…strike up the band!

    Cheers,

    Kasey Bella Luna

    • Kasey, thank you for recommending this App, it really can help removing the stress of constantly checking your phone… I always recommend a more radical approach: change your number. But this is a nice alternative. I wonder if there’s something similar for iPhones?

  • Hi all and Brenda,

    I thought it was time I checked in again. It’s been a few months since I posted, and it sure has been a mixed bag of emotions.

    Holidays suck, don’t they? I will be so glad when all this Xmas stuff is done and over with, because everything seems to be geared for couples. I imagine if you are in a relationship, this goes unnoticed; but, when you are alone in love (the romantic kind), everything seems to be amplified. Every smiling couple on a Christmas TV commercial simply grates on my nerves. I can’t be the only one.

    And the New Years Eve parties coming up? The big question for me is whether to go out and try and have a good time, or stay home and ignore the alone-ness. Some option, huh? If it sounds like I am still bitter, I am. But, I know that time will heal, and one day I will feel whole again, because (regardless of what my brain tells me) I feel like I have a big hole in my life. “You are complete with or without a partner!” is what I hear. Yes, I know that is true. Try telling that to my heart. But, I will get over this, and I will be stronger for it. My challenge will be to stay open to love and not put barbed wire around my heart to protect it.

    Ok, to recap my journey into emotional hell, I was left for another woman about eight months ago (we had been seeing each other for four years– somewhere in that gray zone between “more than friends” but “less than committed” until his last kid was out of high school, or so he said). He never even said goodbye– he just disappeared. Within three months after dumping me, he was married to a woman who had just moved to Texas. And, get this: her first and middle name was exactly the SAME as his ex wifes. So, wife No. 1 was Rebecca Lynn and wife No. 2 is Rebecca Lynn. How weird is that?? I had always felt he was never quite over his ex, and this seems to substantiate it.

    Sadly, my miserable story gets worse. You know how every workplace has the one beauty queen? Well, “Sylvia” is that person. She is young, gorgeous, and nice. Heads turn whenever she walks by. She recently moved to my department, and when we got to talking about relationships, I told her about my failed one. She got this odd look on her face, and then said “Well, Merann, he was a womanizer.” I asked how she knew (duh), and she said he had been after her for the past six years, inviting her dancing, and to his place. Soooo, this man whom I had loved and trusted had been trying to get into Sylvia’s pants the whole time we were seeing each other. Yes, yes, I know that I dodged a bullet with him, but that honestly doesn’t make it any easier. I am attractive, but I am no Sylvia. Now I feel even worse. Interestingly, my ex’s new wife is rather plain and sad. She seems to be chronically depressed (according to a mutual friend who knows her from church.) In effect, she needed rescuing, and my ex was just the guy to do it.

    The big company Xmas party is next Friday, but even though I am in the best shape ever (physically, because I have been working hard on getting back into shape)– I just don’t have the heart to go and see my ex standing proudly with his new wife. I will pass this year, but maybe I’ll go next year, I don’t know.

    One last thing. My ex did contact me on my birthday and I responded politely but distantly. Then, a few weeks later he emailed me that he was selling his horse trailer, and he wrote a lengthy deal about how to choose the correct tires for a trailer (he’s a practical guy, and I used to love that he fussed about things like that.) He signed off with “take care” and that left me cold. Take care?? I am relegated to a “little friend” who needs instructions on buying tires? WTF?? It felt like ice water running through my veins. “Take care.” Geeze, I can just imagine him patting me on the head as he says it. I refuse to be his distant “friend” or anything else. So, fellow sufferers, I sent him one final email. I finally grew a backbone. I sent him this email: “I appreciate your input, but please don’t worry about me anymore, on any level. I will be fine– tires, and all. Let’s forget we ever knew each other, OK?”

    Needless to say, I haven’t heard from him since. And, that is the way it should be.

    I am hoping that 2015 is the year we all find the love we are looking for and deserve, and I hope that we have all learned a lot from our pain so that we don’t step on more love landmines. I don’t know about you, but as the clock nears the midnight hour on December 31st, I will hold up a glass of champagne and say “good riddance” to all the pain this year has brought us. And then I will drink up!

    Big Hugs to all,

    Merann

    • Hi, you’ve had a really tough time, I know the feelings so well. But the best advice I could give you from my experience is don’t show him its bothered you at all. Be brave go to the Christmas party. Smile at him and his new wife, but don’t get involved in any conversation. Enjoy yourself and at the end of the night you will feel so strong that you didn’t hide away. You will be amazed at how doing this one small thing for just a few hours will give you the confidence to get on with the rest of your recovery and start to really put yourself first. All the very best xxxx

  • One Day at a Time says:

    Zoltan! You rock!!! Good things come to those work for them! I know we all like to tell our tales of woe, but we can turn this into a victory!

    Congrats to you and your lady!

    🙂

    • Thanks,

      for me it was just a bad experience I needed 🙂
      The whole point of this is to grow from these experiences. Resolving internal conflicts alone make life better… and in the end one will find a truly fitting partner too. 😀
      So keep up, doing it right and the future will be bright. 😉

      All the best,

      Zoltan

  • Hi,

    first of all I would like to thank for Eddie… following the rules really helps (well no contact was difficult, because of the same workplace…but in the end no contact is just a tool the take focus away from the Ex to myself and my unresolved inner conflicts). My story in short.

    Bad breakup in summer of 2013… really, and since we shared a workplace it had effects on other fields of my life. No contact was difficult and looked somewhat childish. On the other hand it was a phase I have to go through.

    Finally I started examining why the thing went wrong… and the answer was because I wanted no relationship, I mentally prepared myself for a failure and selected a partner who guaranteed suffering and failure. So I started to change my attitude and started to improve my self-consciousness and self-confidence.

    First step, because as a child I hit with the family car another one in the parking lot I had no drivers license till the age of 32. Started the course, took long because 32 and no experience but it the end success at the first exam. Bought a quite sporty car (i live in Germany no speed limits at the motorways) and enjoy driving it.

    Second step, I did not do any combat sports as a kid and felt myself somewhat unmanly because of it. So I inscribed to the local judo club. I am far from being good in it, but nevertheless I enjoy it and met new people.

    Third step, something which I should have done waaay before. My parents are not bad person, but just like every parent they still want to meddle with the life of their now adult children. No easy solution, but in the end we are on more equal terms now.

    Fourth step, made a list about myself and the kind of partner I would like to have and registered to one Dating.site. Of course my list was far from being correct (a lot of important characteristic was missing, and I realized later, but luck is with the bold), but at least it gave a good hint. However the most important factor: this time I wanted to succeed, and I had more self-confidence. In the end the woman I am looking for exists, From the multiple attempts finally emerged one superb. We did a lot of things together had lots of fun and she has proven that she will support me when I need it, I have proven to her the reverse is also true.

    Fifth step: I went to a jewelry shop and bought a two ring-shaped piece gold-palladium alloy.

    So once again thank for the advises,
    it really works if you understand and accept it truly

    Wish you a merry Christmas and a New Year full of opportunities,
    Zoltan

  • A new chapter says:

    Today after over two weeks of silence, I decided to reach out for an end. I have made this decision two weeks ago, after 6 years of on-and-off relationship (7 times big and small). I did the best I know. I am grateful that my ex allowed me have a closure to say everything I wanted to say. We wished each other to have our dream come true, and bid each other goodbye. I am sad, because I feel sorry to myself, that I haven’t been respecting myself and what I truly want. I allowed myself to be where I am.

    These days I have been taking baby steps to get my life back. God and life have been generally very gentle to me. I am grateful for it. And I pray for everyone here, to be strong, to be brave, to move forward though you can’t see the path. If you move forward and don’t turn back, eventually you will see the light and see the dawn.

  • Day 40 of NC…my main problem is that i can’t get rid of the spiral of thinking about what happened. Yes it doesn’t has the same weight as before but it’s still here…and today i feel that this spiral is really heavy. The most intense one that i had in last two weeks.
    Everyday i learn something new about the breakup and why did it occur, but i still can’t fully accept it…there is still small part of myself that wants her back but i do know that it’s a long shot and that there are various reasons it will not work out in a good way…

  • To Mr. Corbano, and everyone else posting on here for that matter, I just want to give a much appreciated thank you! I have been visiting this site quite often over the past month, reading up on amazing accounts of loss, pain, heart-break, and abandonment; and then the surmountable encouragement, hope, strength, and stories of power to wipe it all away. I can tell you that without this website and you fine people that I would not have gotten as far as I have and in so short of a time without you.

    All of the tools are here, and I hope that people in need find their way to this place. Thank you so much again…
    With love, Ali

  • Hi everyone,
    After reading all of your sad yet powerful stories I decided to share mine. My boyfriend and I dated 3 and a half years, from when we were 17 to 21. We were each other’s first loves, first everything. It was a good relationship, he is honestly a really good guy. We had our differences but I loved him (and honestly still do) and I know he loved me. He broke up with me in August and it came as a HUGE shock, things had been rocky lately I’ll be honest, but I had NO idea he was going to end our relationship! When it happened I asked him if we could work out, whatever the issue is, and he said he “just doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore” and I apparently hadn’t been supportive lately and he felt lonely. This was like a slap in the face because I really didn’t know he felt that way, but when I asked if we could work things out he kept saying “it’s too late”, but I was willing to do anything. I have a lot of guilt and regret, things I shouldn’t have said or the fact that I should have been there for him more, but he has no interest in working on these things. It’s been nearly four months now, and I’m functioning and I am living my life, but the pain still stings and my regret and guilt haunts me in my dreams of him every night, I should have appreciated him more when I had him (not that I was a bad girlfriend or anything but I could be critical and moody a lot). I miss him SO much, I feel like I shouldn’t be in this bad of a place after four months.

  • Please help me to be strong! We are in an 8 year relationship, the past few years together, we have been through a lot of break-up, twice I could remember is when she cheated with me even when were together, she rekindle her love with her first BF, and I was left out. But i never been away, I was still there for here during those until things did not work out with them and I was there to catch her and we get back together and I should say I was happy and though that my sacrifices were given due as I stood there waiting for her to come back with me. Years after, she met someone and again somewhat fall out of love with me because she felt someone does give her more love than me, Again, It broke my heart knowing we were already in a 4year relationship and have given her everything I can, I never cheated and look at any other girl for her. There it goes again, I was left out, craving for her attention again and her time, just to be close to her again. She did not push me as and it felt like I was put on hold, if things turn out wrong with her new relationship, shes assured that im gonna be there for her, and guess what, things did not work out for her and again came back to me and I was happy again up to this time, it’s almost 9 years being together break up in between, and now, She broke up with me again, for the same reason, she felt something better with someone else, at first, i did not pay any intention because I though, we have been through a lot and though she learned from it and nothing can break up. I have been planning on proposing to her for the next 3 months, but guess what, I cannot believe what happened when she came back from a vacation, she broke my heart again and told me, she fall out of love. How can she do this to me. ! do people can really do that to someone who had loved them for so much? I have been trying the NC rule from a month, and to no avail, I can even last a week with NC. at most I have been trying my best for only 3 days, either she contact me or I lose myself again and contact her. I want to move on, but part of me want to hang in there, and hope will be the same and she comes back to me. I dont know what to do. Please guys, help me I desperately need someone to talk to right now. Thank you also EDDIE for all the lessons you;ve share, I know your right, but I am just so weak that I cant do it myself.

    • One Day At A Time says:

      Irca, honey, you have to be strong!!!! You can do this, but you are going to have get tough on yourself!!!! I’m gonna tell you somethings you may not like, but just think about what I say.

      I KNOW you love her, but she doesn’t deserve you. You are her safety net. She knows how strong your love for her is and she knows you will be there for her no matter what.

      Is she that great? From what you wrote she sounds pretty awful to cheat on you, leave you, come back and stomp on your heart some more.

      Irca, you have to cut her off from you. Block her or change your phone number. I know it hurts! I have been there and there are terrible days. But there are good days, too! Really good days! Days where you will be the one person to make YOU happy. And it will feel good. You gotta believe. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it’s a bright shining beautiful new you!!!

      Irca you have to learn to love yourself again but more than anything you have to learn to put yourself first!!! I think the one thing all of us have in common here is that we are all very giving people. And sometimes we give our heart away to people who don’t deserve it or don’t know what to do with it.

      Did you do your exercises? Did you write down 10 things you love about her? Do that if you haven’t. Then look at the list. Is there really anything on that list that she has that at least a million other women don’t possess????

      One of the things on my list was I liked his laugh. Seriously lol??? His laugh??? Ain’t nothing special about that! My list was so … Ordinary!

      Get tough irca! Do it for yourself. Remember pain is inevitable. Suffering is truly optional.

      I’m at day 49!!! And the last three days have been great!

      Let go, Irca, like you did to fall in love. Only this time let go to love yourself!!!!

      You can do it! I never thought I could either and look at where I am now – 49 days! And I actually feel happy!

      Yours in NC,
      ODaaT 🙂

      • Thank you One Day At A Time for all the great thing you said.

        As of today, she actually texted me and wanted to meet up, I know it’s wrong, but again, I fall into an abyss thinking it might be a chance to show to her that we can work things out and she might get me back. Still, most of the time we are laughing, talking as if nothing is going on with us, and still in between, she’s always texting, I know who she is texting with but I did not bother, but it hurts so muchh!!

        It’s just that, my thinking is, if I stay, same thing as before, we might still come back. That’s why I’m still opening myself. I’m trying to be strong, but to no avail can’t even stand a week without contacting her, or her contacting me.

        I want to be happy,I’ve tried and still want to try the NC!

        I can’t even tell myself why she is so special, she does not meet whatever I think my ideal partner.

        I just had this feeling of wanting to be with her side.

        I have not tried listing 10 things I like about her, I will try it this time and hopefully she won’t contact me so I won’t be tempted also to contact her. You guys really made my day great! I never felt alone already. thinking you’ve been with 49 days already makes me think, how in the world can you guys do that? I cant even stand 5 days.

        Tomorrow will again be my 7x first day with NC. I just hope it will continue not be tempted and you are right, she’s making me her safety net, and I don’t wanna be like that forever. with all your help I will get through this!

        • One Day at a Time says:

          Irca, you know what the best thing about NC is? If you mess up, you can start over. But wanting to start over is a great thing!

          Get tough and try to make one day into two.

          After all, you just need to take it One Day at a Time. And trust me, you will not die if you don’t talk to her. It may annoy her and think how much fun that could be!

          🙂

          • i like the thought of annoying her .hehe .
            since the past few week she’s always the one that initiate contact with me,this time i wont bother her text to me! thank u for the support. i can do this one day at a time. tomorrow is my 2nd day with Nc!

  • Kasey Bella Luna says:

    Lol! “One Day at a Time” You made me laugh through the -can I really keep going with this No Contact thing? With your pep talk, I know I can make it to the next goal…90 days NC. Eddie’s site is called “Loves a Game” Well…now I’m thinking of the No Contact rule to heal from a breakup and find yourself again as a Game, too!

    I’m so glad you are almost to your 60 day mark! In the face of disillusion you are so awesome to make it this far!!! I’m so glad you hit DELETE! Hit it again, sister! You do not need rude drunken calls in your life. No one does. Can we happy dance together? And invite people like S., Eddie, New Beginnings, Tom X and Hannah to join us, lol?!

    You’re right! It’s amazing to have made it 60 days. I struggled for each one! The anger is bothersome. But in a weird way, I feel its healthy.

    This NC Game has allowed me to rethink the whole relationship. I’m done waiting for love to manifest from a person who just doesn’t appreciate the effort. I’m done trying to make lemonade from lemons. I’m so over doing for someone who can’t even say thank you, criticizes plans I make…or simply doesn’t show…and then gets defensive if I dare say something about it.

    Well now I dare. And all of you should dare to stand up for yourselves, too! Welcome loving people in to your lives. Not manipulative abusers. Hang out with only LOVING PEOPLE.

    And by God, “One Day at a Time” I hope you are done with the drunk dialing-fest! That shows you no respect, and if that is what he contacts you for…instead of calling to apologize for hurting you, well, I’m glad you’re moving into a better way of life…away from someone who should see you as valuable but doesn’t. I see how you write. You encourage others here…and, well, you are beautiful. Stay lovely and kind, but don’t accept poor treatment from anyone ever again! I can’t wait to celebrate your day 60, lol! 🙂

    “Trying to be Brave”…I have to say…that guy is a total rube! It hurts, I swear it’s a sucky, awful feeling, and I totally hear your pain.

    So wouldn’t it feel better to change “going on two months since you’ve heard from him” into “going on 2 months since he’s heard from you”?

    I can tell you it’s terribly hard.

    You’ll cry. Then you’ll get angry.

    And then…you’ll have completed a week.

    Then, a month. Then two months will have passed with No Contact from you…because you can do this NC Game. Do as Eddie advises in a separate article and “KICK YOUR EX OFF HIS/HER [EFFING] PEDESTAL”. It helps to squelch the love. It seems impossible, I know. I think it happens in the anger stage. Just keep going, my dear. You can do this. And write it out. It helps.

    “Alone in the Dark” Listen…YOU ARE IN GOOD COMPANY! We’re all in it. You are not alone. Welcome and congrats on making it through ay one. It’s hard. But you did it! Now keep going…and like One Day at a Time said, “Go buy yourself a little gift.” I took the advice and bought a gift for my mum, and me, and sent a coupe of cheerful letters to the friends I cherish who have stood by me. A day at a time.

    Kelly, I hope you’re out there somewhere…and still here with us. You belong here with us on Eddie’s site…working to ward the victory of self improvement and self discovery through No Contact.

    So you all might be wondering, why I come here if I’m doing so well.

    I come and write here because it is an ongoing emotional battle, this No Contact. It keeps me sane to write my feelings out. It is my way of winning the war with myself against the mind f#%k, the minefield of my feelings for him. And those feelings are slowly altering from love to … well I’m not even sure i can express the mix of betrayal, anger, caring, love, hurt…yeah that.

    Yeah, I made it 60 days…so I know it’s doable…but I’ve been there on day one. Struggled through Week 1C. And one month. Effed up and texted him. Began No Contact again. Day one. Week 2. Day thirty. Almost lost it on day 45…and nearly caved on day 57…yep, even that close! But it all worked out in the sixty day long run. Yes it is a victory. It’s a vitory over my emotions, over his hold on me, over him. He might not ever know it…but I do. I know how far I’ve come, how far I will go to find myself again. How much I can give to others who actually appreciate it!

    It’s funny, but when someone is nice to me, it moves me. When a man is kind, I’m startled. That’s how lost I was…and how far No Contact can take you. Self aware is a beautiful thing. Sharing love and having it reciprocated is an awesome feeling!

    So keep going everybody. Just keep going guys and gals. It gets better and I swear you will start enjoying life again if you take small steps and emerge into the world again. Write a note to a friend. Take a walk and journal about it. Cry when you have to. Shove the thoughts of them into visual bubbles representing the pain they caused by staying…or leaving! Push those bubbles/him/her away from you.

    And when you feel the need to contact, to beg, explain why, try to get them to explain why, feel your soul is on fire for an apology…this is how you get through it…like I am tonight… Continue with No Contact and write your thoughts here.

    “New Beginnings” and “One Day at a Time” I’m 49. I know that trickle an see that puddle. Lets splash in it and spread it farther, picture it deeper. Lol! Di that just sound sensual? Well I guess it’s allowed to be…and our pond will get bigger, I feel, the minute we start loving ourselves a little more and expecting the river to flow over with opportunities of love and life, and sharing.

    Keep going with NC. It’s a gift of time we give to ourselves and Eddie’s site, I know now, is a place to go when we’re at our wits end, in which a few kind words placed at the right time can help a fellow wanderer.

    KBLuna…Did I mention I’m a Writer, lol?

      • Hi Eddie,

        I jst wanted to know one thing that is my gf ping me in watsup and we had talk on their for more then 3-4 hrs it was not like i want or she want back in relationship we were just remembering and talking wt we did in past and not we both have to restart their career. I was not in emotion now i have become very strong after more then of 40nc i was able to chat her previously i was not in that condition so that i could chat with her but not i am too strong.did i do the right thing pls advise?

      • One Day at a Time says:

        EC – That put a huge smile on my face and damn it felt good! 🙂

    • New beginnings says:

      KBLuna , It’s so refreshing to know that we are not alone in this strange predicament. All you have mentioned , the anger issue, the non apology , waiting for a sign that he is sorry and it doesn’t come and time goes on and the next day and the next day and so on. I don’t hate him anymore, that was the anger speaking in the dark and the stress and grief . We have all had a massive shock to the system , we have had our poor hearts broken and had to part from someone we thought we would be with for a long time. How did it all go so wrong? Questions and more questions unanswered by the very subject of our issues. But we do answer them eventually, slowly as time passes we catch ourselves pondering over that time , etc. Time really does heal and people on here on Eddies site , will heal eventually. Years ago my marriage broke up and I killed the pain by doing very distructive things to my psych . I had a breakdown and it took 2 years to heal. The moral of the story is, feel the pain, don’t put a plaster over it , let it wash over you, punch the walls punch cushions , pillows, kick the walls but wrap your tootsies first or there is a trip to A&E you can do without at this time. xx

    • One Day at a Time says:

      Hi KBL! So happy I could make you laugh!!!! That made my day.

      I’m not ignoring you, just trying to craft a worthy reply. A lot is going on in my life – my mom is in the hospital – she is just fine! Scheduled surgery. Just not enough time to write.

      I’m proud of you, girl!

      Age is just a number after all 🙂 And we are fabulous!

      ODaaT

  • Trying to be Brave says:

    It was a year ago that my ex bf of 3 years( my best friend and we pick out our rings) left me for another woman (15 years younger.. I didn’t see the breakup comin.. I was too busy packing at our home for our preplan Hawaii trip for my bday to take place a week later. He broke up with me and took her instead not knowing this (he told me he was going to be alone to think things through) until their pics were posted on FB..

    I have moved on from this (Hawaii ) What’s hard that he is still with her, even after a year of constant contact from him checking in with me not wanting to let go..

    I still love and miss him ..

    I have tried so many times before doing nc and failed.. Urggghhhh ..it’s going on 2 months since I heard from him.. It’s still hard.. But I know it’s the only way to finally heal my heart..

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