How Empty Of Me To Be So Full Of You

This is a quote that was sent to me by a customer recently:

“How empty of me to be so full of you”

I don’t really know where it came from, (it may be from a Janet Jackson song), but quotes like this take on a life of their own once they are released to the world.

I love this quote because it perfectly symbolizes those moments of awakening, of seeing clearly.

When you suddenly realize that all the efforts of getting them back, all the time and energy you’ve put in to get some kind of closure, were futile and useless.

That is the moment you realize that there is not much YOU left, but so much of THEM.

Some call these moments hitting rock-bottom. Some even call them “having an epiphany.” Others are just fed up with being the helpless victim.

They all have in common that this moment is an opportunity to start your recovery the REAL way – NOT being Ex-Centered but SELF-Centered.

Because as long as you do the former, true recovery will never happen. You will only delay the problem… putting a band-aid on the wound.

True and lasting recovery – one that prevents stuff from happening in the first place – can only be SELF-Centered. It’s where you dig deep and tackle the problem at its roots.

And you can NOT do that while you are still trying to be friends with your Ex.

You will find everything you need to get started right here on this site… you just have to make the first step.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

  • Hey guys, I discovered this site shortly after my girlfriend gave me the I need time to decide what i want speech. She is unable to forgive and forget some things I said to her months ago. Anyway, i was desperate not to lose her, so I told her that was fine and that she should contact me once she decided, thinking this would somehow influence her to come back to me. What a terrible decision that turned out to be emotionally. A few days after that I discovered this site and I’m so thankful for Eddie and all of you that share your post. In just a few short days of reading and re-reading as much of Eddie’s advice as i can, I realized that letting go and moving on without her is the best thing for me. I just sent the please do not contact me in any way whatsoever text today, and I have mixed emotions and feelings. I know it’s what’s best for me, but it’s difficult fighting the thoughts and feelings of panic. I had not contacted her since the TALK which has only been 4 days, but I am totally committed to the 60 day no contact period. Wish me luck, I’m on my way.

  • Eddie- i need help! I am on NC for 27 days now. I keep getting dreams of my ex sleeping and hanging out with his new girl friend. Although i dont know if he is seeing anyone. Its more of my assumption. The thought itself leaves me miserable everytime.
    Please help Eddie!

    • Hi Sup, I know what you mean…

      What you are contemplating on throughout the day, you will process in your dreams at night. If you apply some degree of mind-control during the day – e.g. block thoughts about your Ex being with someone else – these dreams will subside.

      • Eddie- thanks for prompt reply! I am on NC for 30 days now! Super proud of myself. I am hopeful and sure that next 30 days will be better. My confidence and self esteem had been hit very badly. But i managed to find a new job for myself. Very happy and glad about it.
        Working on my bucket list.

        Dear all- some memories still haunts me but I promise things will get better sooner. So hang in there. Do not talk to your ex, just move forward look ahead with head high in the air. Ex will only give you pain, i had broken my NC rule earlier and i was more miserable. Live for yourself and enjoy your new found singlehood.

  • on day 7 of no contact it still hurts he has moved on so its no bg deal for him We weremarried for 37 years he chose someone the same age has my youngest child i do believe hes a narcassist I will make contact this week sometime to sort financial affairs thereafter he can go to hell HE DECEIVED ME FOR TOO LONG

  • Hello Eddie,

    I have been following your site from quite some time. I have read through all your blogs and readers messages too on how their ex left them. Unfortunately, i am on the other side of the coin because its me who left my ex but trust me it is equally painful. I cannot blame anyone for what happened because it is me who did this. This guilt feeling kills me every minute that i hurt him and myself by doing so. Although I miss him terribly but I am not sure if I want him back in my life. Now, more than that, he doesnt want me back. Ofcourse, he would not. If i was at his position, i would have done the same.

    I just want to tell readers and who are going through this pain that other side of the coin (who breaks up) is equally in pain, infact, in more pain because the guilt feeling makes you think terrible about yourself.

    How do i overcome this feeling of guilt and pain!

    Can somebody suggest?

  • When you struggle with NC and are thinking of breaking it what is happening is your mind is in the past and refuses to see the present. For instance, many think by contacting the ex something magical will take place, the ex will now see their huge mistake of not having you. But before you pick up the phone write out the reasons why you believe this, what has your ex done that would make you believe they changed their mind. Usually the answer is they have done nothing. It is you and only you who believe things will change. Remeber that NC is a two way street. Your ex probably knows a half dozen ways to contact you but has not. What Eddie has warned people of is that phone call will usually bring the present smashing right in your face and reality will be painful. A quick check is to ask yourself what has my ex done in the last 3 days that lead me to believe they want me back in their life? Not what you want to happen but real facts, what have they done? If you can’t list 3 factual things that they have done then don’t pick up the phone and dial, you will save yourself alot of pain.

  • If we would just look back at the loves that were lost to us overtime it becomes clear that these people were not the best fit for us, as much as we dearly wanted it,wished for it,would do anything to make it right.Our hearts healed then and will again We just need to remember that it will happen for us.
    This is but another segment of my journey and although I am over 60 it doesn’t feel any different that when my heart was ripped out years ago.It hurts soo much. still.
    I need to focus on me now and fill myself up again and move my ex out of my heart and mind-I am too full of him still and it has been 6 months of NC.
    Day by day I try to move past it and I am soo greatful for this site and all you wonderful people-and of course Eddie who is that beacon in the darkest moments.
    Courage and strength friends and remember this too shall pass-smile and laugh and spread joy to others and let your hearts be not soo heavy-
    have a great day!

  • Thank you so much, I did however called my ex after 20 something days to see how she been doing and also to let her know that I’m ok but I also told her that I’m much better now, that I truly understand the break up. The conversation was very brief and short, she started to say that this break up was for the best and I agreed without feeling hurt by her saying that I really wanted to let her know that I’m fine now basically and that I’m still going through the healing process and that once I’m done we could possibly be casual friends she kinda miss understood me at first and started to say that she learned a lesson from me when we were together that I would always say to her that you can never be friends with an ex and that is right, but I explain I didn’t want to be friends friends because that is not going to work I wanted to just let her know that if we ever crossed paths that I’m okay with speaking to her and also to let her know there is no bad blood between us at all.. So she understood then far as what I was trying to say.. We both know that we can’t talk to each other on the phone because we both need to move on and heal . Was I wrong for doing this… Also when she returned my call she told me off top that she was heading out somewhere and she couldn’t talk long I guess she thought I was going to bug her and beg but I didn’t. I really don’t have any more intentions on calling her back again I’m ready to take back what’s mine… My heart and start finding myself

    • Arun Kumar says:

      Dear Tamarb,

      Don’t call her, from your comments it seems that she is not interested in talks with you. She doesn’t feel the same things she used to feel before. You don’t want to annoy someone. I also did the same thing called my ex just to know how was she doing. She told me “never ever call or msg at this number”. I replied ok if it this what you want then let it be. The girl who would not leave my hands a minute, called me at 6 in the morning, had changed so much, her love had gone. Tamarb, you know I cried a lot at that night. My ex was so caring and she just changed so much when she got a new person in her life. She cheated on me then also I just wanted a good life for her, be her good friend.. I don’t want you to go through the same thing, it just burns. Today it’s day 4 of NC and honestly I sometimes miss her a lot. But one day I will be able to completely forget her.

      • Miss Confused says:

        Hi Edddie and all Readers

        I have been reading all ur articles on the blog and had a break up recently. Although I just was d one who asked for the break up because I was frustrated from the conflicts we had.I had no more patience left to fight.So actually I was angry n asked him fr the break up and he agreed. But within next few days when I calmed down, I went to talk to him and did try to persuade him that I dnt want a break up. Now its been 3 months that I was almost begging him not to go away.But he doesn’t want to stay. However, now I knw that I should not bother him, but still I don’t know why I feel the need to be with someone. I actualy tried to flirt with a friend of mine, few days back, but its just not happening I can’t replace him with anyone. I still think I don’t deserve him. He was always too good for me.I am badly guilt striken. Is there anyone who can really help?

      • Hi Arun,

        It seems that your story n mine both are same my ex was also so caring even in winter when i told her to wake me up by 4’o clock in the morning she did that she did not sleep entire night so she could wake me up and suddenly she has completely changed. The difference between me and you is you have healed now and i am still trying to heal as it is very fresh we parted way on october 2014.

  • Arun Kumar says:

    Dead All,

    This quote is so true. Today on my way to work I saw a girl she looked exactly like my ex. At first sight I though she was my ex. I was completely panic stricken. I started to sweat. When will I forget her.

  • The NC really worked for me.. the last time I talked to my ex was July 5th & with the NC I’ve been feeling & living great & I can finally say I didn’t need him like I thought I did. We broke up march 6 & today is Aug 1st so its been about 5 months since we’ve been over. This is a new month for a new beginning & I don’t plan on talking to him at all this month & I’m goin to stick to my word. Thanx Eddie you really have helped me through this break up because it was really tough in the beginning. I can really say I am more self centered & not EX centered. I love myself more than I loved him & I deserve better =) .

  • I’m on day 6 of NC. This is the longest I’ve gone without speaking to my ex in months. I’m sad, and it hurts, but I’m finally realizing that having him out of my life is the only way I’m ever going to get over him. Looking forward to the day when it doesn’t hurt anymore.

  • OMG Eddie,

    I love this quote. Also being “ex-centered” is right on point. I am now on day 10 of NC and needed this boost to push me forward. Thanks again for being so insightful. This one will be posted on my fridge!!!

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