The Circle Of Pain? Relationship & Break Up

June 1st, 2007 | Break Up and Divorce · Relationship Advice

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Very funny, isn’t it?

Far from the truth? Decide for yourself.

Let me tell you a little story.

There was this guy. Let’s call him Simon. Simon is a quite handsome guy. A lot of women were interested in him and wanted to meet him. He sure was enthusiastic about that, the only problem was: he didn’t know what to do when he was on a date.

So, if his date wasn’t a nymphomaniac man-eater, he didn’t score. He used to tell me: “She was ok, but there was this psychopathic laugh that turned me off”.

Excuses, apparently.

Then he met this girl, she liked him very much, took the initiative and won him over. Although she wasn’t his type, he gave in.

Now comes the part where they lived happily ever after. Or not?

Yeah, you guessed it: he struggled with the relationship, always looking for something better to come his way, didn’t take care of her. In short: he did everything to scare here away. Eventually it wasn’t his idea of a relationship he told himself. But she loved him and did everything to sustain their relationship.

Now comes the interesting part: the moment he was pleased with their relationship, actually he started to love her, she left him.

Shocked? Or did you see it coming?

Needless to say that after that he was devastated. It took him over two years to get over it.

The real shocker now is that this whole disaster repeated itself with other girls for 4 times now. Yes, you read correct, 4 TIMES!

He was caught in a circle of bad relationships and break ups and found himself incapable of breaking free.

Somebody recognizing himself here?

But not any more. Simon and I found together the reason for his permanent struggle and he is currently in a happy fulfilling relationship.

What was causing his permanent struggle and his disability to have a “normal” relationship?

Please read on, you will understand.

Other than that little tiny guy from the video, Simon started every relationship dissatisfied. He found himself incapable of looking for a girl he really liked. He was to afraid to approach the girls he found attractive, so instead of learning how to find the partner he was looking for, he was content with the first partner to come along.

Better than to be alone, right?

Wrong!

He always had the feeling he was coerced into a relationship he didn’t wanted and was putting up resistance whenever he could. He was subconsciously sabotaging the relationship. Maybe someday, some better girl will come along.

Why he did this you may ask.

There were 2 main reasons.

The first one is maintained early childhood behavior. If a child doesn’t get what it wants, it looks for other ways to compensate, like protesting or sabotaging. The frustration that he was not living the life he wished for himself also amplified this protesting attitude. You would be really surprised how many behaviors from early childhood are still present as an adult. Identifying them is the first step to improvement.

Does this sound ridiculous to you? Believe me it isn’t. It happens more often than you would think.

“Being alone is something many people fear more than hell”

Another reason was Simon’s incapability of being alone. He never learned it. Being alone is something many people fear more than hell. And this fear often drives them into doing things they don’t want. Or prevents them from doing things they want. Like starting an unhealthy relationship or being unable to break free from one.

Learning to be alone gives you faith that you can survive on your own, gives you opportunity to find your true self, and most importantly: to learn what you really want. And by realizing who you really are and what you really want, you also will know what partner is the best for you.

That’s what the tiny guy did at the end of the video. He learned to be happy alone. Unfortunately there is no other and easier way of learning this. That is why I find it not likely that this process would repeat itself from the beginning as in the video.
I can not emphasize enough how important it is for you that you learn how to be happy being alone. For only then you will be able to recognize the right person for you.

Simon also learned to change his false behavior by first recognizing it and then consciously and constantly on a daily basis substituting it with another, better one.

He identified his problems with a little help of me and finds himself now capable of maintaining healthy relationships.

So can you.

Shake off the slavery of this vicious circle of relationship and break up and live the life you always wanted. You will find good advice and tools how to do it on this site. Then you can really laugh about this tiny little guy and his lifelong quest.

Your friend,

Eddie Corbano