Very funny video, isn’t it?
Is it far from the truth? Decide for yourself.
Let me tell you a little story.
There was this client of mine, let’s call him Simon.
Simon was quite a handsome guy. A lot of women were interested in him, and wanted to meet him. He sure was enthusiastic about that, the only problem was – he didn’t know what to do when he was on a date.
So, if his date wasn’t a nymphomaniac man-eater, he didn’t score.
He used to tell me things like, “She was ok, but there was this psychopathic laugh that turned me off”.
These were excuses, apparently.
Then he met this girl, she liked him very much, who took the initiative and won him over. Although she wasn’t his type, he gave in.
Now comes the part where they lived happily ever after. Or not?
Yeah, you guessed it – he struggled with the relationship, always looking for something better to come his way, and he didn’t take care of her.
In short, he did everything to scare her away.
Eventually, it wasn’t his idea of a relationship, he told himself. But she loved him and did everything to sustain their relationship.
Now comes the interesting part.
The moment he was pleased with their relationship, and he actually started to love her, she left him.
Shocked? Or did you see it coming?
Needless to say that, after that, he was devastated. It took him over two years to get over it.
The real shocker now, is that this whole disaster repeated itself with other girls 4 times now.
Yes, you read correct – 4 TIMES!
He was caught in a circle of bad relationships and break-ups, and found himself incapable of breaking free.
Anyone recognizing himself here?
But not any more. Together, Simon and I found the reason for his permanent struggle, and he is currently in a happy, fulfilling relationship.
What was causing his permanent struggle and his inability to have a “normal” relationship?
Please read on, you will understand.
Much like that little tiny guy from the video, Simon started every relationship dissatisfied. He found himself incapable of looking for a girl he really liked. He was too afraid to approach the girls he found attractive, so instead of learning how to find the partner he was looking for, he was content with the first partner to come along.
Better than being alone, right?
He always had the feeling he was coerced into a relationship he didn’t want, and was putting up resistance whenever he could. He was subconsciously sabotaging the relationship. Maybe someday, some better girl will come along.
Why did he do this, you may ask.
There were 2 main reasons.
The first one is maintained early childhood behavior. If a child doesn’t get what it wants, it looks for other ways to compensate, like protesting or sabotaging.
The frustration that he was not living the life he wished for himself also amplified this protesting attitude. You would be really surprised how many behaviors from early childhood are still present as an adult. Identifying them is the first step to improvement.
Does this sound ridiculous to you? Believe me, it isn’t. It happens more often than you would think.
Another reason, was Simon’s incapability of being alone. He never learned it.
Being alone is something many people fear more than hell. And this fear often drives them into doing things they don’t want. Or prevents them from doing things they want. Like starting an unhealthy relationship, or being unable to break free from one.
Being alone is something many people fear more than hell.
Learning to be alone gives you faith that you can survive on your own, gives you opportunity to find your true self, and most importantly, to learn what you really want.
And by realizing who you really are, and what you really want, you also will know what partner is the best for you.
That’s what the tiny guy did at the end of the video. He learned to be happy alone.
Unfortunately, there is no other and easier way of learning this. That is why I find it not likely that this process would repeat itself from the beginning, as in the video.
I can not emphasize enough how important it is for you that you learn how to be happy being alone. For only then will you will be able to recognize the right person for you.
Simon also learned to change his false behavior by first recognizing it, and then consciously and constantly on a daily basis, substituting it with another, better one.
He identified his problems with a little help from me, and now finds himself capable of maintaining healthy relationships.
So can you.
Shake off the slavery of this vicious circle of relationship and break-up, and live the life you always wanted. You will find good advice and tools showing how to do it on this site.
Then you can really laugh about this tiny little guy, and his lifelong quest.