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The Circle Of Pain? Relationship & Break Up

Very funny video, isn’t it?

Is it far from the truth? Decide for yourself.

Let me tell you a little story.

There was this client of mine, let’s call him Simon.

Simon was quite a handsome guy. A lot of women were interested in him, and wanted to meet him. He sure was enthusiastic about that, the only problem was – he didn’t know what to do when he was on a date.

So, if his date wasn’t a nymphomaniac man-eater, he didn’t score.

He used to tell me things like, “She was ok, but there was this psychopathic laugh that turned me off”.

These were excuses, apparently.

Then he met this girl, she liked him very much, who took the initiative and won him over. Although she wasn’t his type, he gave in.

Now comes the part where they lived happily ever after. Or not?

Yeah, you guessed it – he struggled with the relationship, always looking for something better to come his way, and he didn’t take care of her.

In short, he did everything to scare her away.

Eventually, it wasn’t his idea of a relationship, he told himself. But she loved him and did everything to sustain their relationship.

Now comes the interesting part.

The moment he was pleased with their relationship, and he actually started to love her, she left him.

Shocked? Or did you see it coming?

Needless to say that, after that, he was devastated. It took him over two years to get over it.

The real shocker now, is that this whole disaster repeated itself with other girls 4 times now.

Yes, you read correct – 4 TIMES!

He was caught in a circle of bad relationships and break-ups, and found himself incapable of breaking free.

Anyone recognizing himself here?

But not any more. Together, Simon and I found the reason for his permanent struggle, and he is currently in a happy, fulfilling relationship.

What was causing his permanent struggle and his inability to have a “normal” relationship?

Please read on, you will understand.

Much like that little tiny guy from the video, Simon started every relationship dissatisfied. He found himself incapable of looking for a girl he really liked. He was too afraid to approach the girls he found attractive, so instead of learning how to find the partner he was looking for, he was content with the first partner to come along.

Better than being alone, right?

Wrong!

He always had the feeling he was coerced into a relationship he didn’t want, and was putting up resistance whenever he could. He was subconsciously sabotaging the relationship. Maybe someday, some better girl will come along.

Why did he do this, you may ask.

There were 2 main reasons.

The first one is maintained early childhood behavior. If a child doesn’t get what it wants, it looks for other ways to compensate, like protesting or sabotaging.

The frustration that he was not living the life he wished for himself also amplified this protesting attitude. You would be really surprised how many behaviors from early childhood are still present as an adult. Identifying them is the first step to improvement.

Does this sound ridiculous to you? Believe me, it isn’t. It happens more often than you would think.

Another reason, was Simon’s incapability of being alone. He never learned it.

Being alone is something many people fear more than hell. And this fear often drives them into doing things they don’t want. Or prevents them from doing things they want. Like starting an unhealthy relationship, or being unable to break free from one.

Being alone is something many people fear more than hell.

Learning to be alone gives you faith that you can survive on your own, gives you opportunity to find your true self, and most importantly, to learn what you really want.

And by realizing who you really are, and what you really want, you also will know what partner is the best for you.

That’s what the tiny guy did at the end of the video. He learned to be happy alone.

Unfortunately, there is no other and easier way of learning this. That is why I find it not likely that this process would repeat itself from the beginning, as in the video.

I can not emphasize enough how important it is for you that you learn how to be happy being alone. For only then will you will be able to recognize the right person for you.

Simon also learned to change his false behavior by first recognizing it, and then consciously and constantly on a daily basis, substituting it with another, better one.

He identified his problems with a little help from me, and now finds himself capable of maintaining healthy relationships.

So can you.

Shake off the slavery of this vicious circle of relationship and break-up, and live the life you always wanted. You will find good advice and tools showing how to do it on this site.

Then you can really laugh about this tiny little guy, and his lifelong quest.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

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7 Responses to The Circle Of Pain? Relationship & Break Up

  1. Vicki April 24, 2008 at 2:53 pm #

    My problem is how do you learn to be by yourself or alone and be ok with it! Not feel like a loser.

  2. RS January 19, 2010 at 7:48 pm #

    this was a really good article! thanks for sharing. i’m going through the very beginning of a breakup stage. anything that can give me hope that its going to be okay really helps.

  3. Matt February 12, 2010 at 10:09 pm #

    Hello!

    I’ve just discovered this website today searching for an understanding as I have for many weeks all about my recently ended 3 year relationship. Thank you Eddie for this that you’ve created. I think it’s stellar. My appetite for these pages and the associated commentary has been insatiable.

    Without explaning exactly why, so much of what I read on your site has vindicated me in how I conducted myself in this ended relationship, and eases my partner battered self respect and reasoning. Wow that’s nice!

    Matt

  4. Kevin March 9, 2010 at 8:31 pm #

    I am 18, me and my ex girlfriend of 3 years( isn’t it funny how in most of the comments we say how long we’ve been dating) broke up about a month ago. I moved in with my two best friends and i am regain-… or actually im gaining for the first time, my independence. I have healed a lot thanks to this site( thank you SO much eddie) , i honestly do feel that i am dealing with everything in a healthy manner. I am trying to SUCK this break up of all it’s positive benefits so i can grow the maximum amount from it. I learned to self love, and one thing i took out of the break up( along with the xbox, and the tv’s,haha) is my self-esteem, which was something that came from the relationship and her. And so i don’t feel a need to find a new relationship in order to be happy, i have so much in my life right now, that a girl would only be extra, bonus. but this article got me worried that i need to live alone to learn to be alone. is this necessary? becuase even though im living with other people, i feel emotionally alone. and my current happyness is coming from me, not the people i live with or my situation or anything like that.

  5. Poychris June 2, 2010 at 6:38 am #

    I am 35 and is with my current gf for about 2 years now.
    However, my current relationship with gf is fatal. After about 6 months of dating. Somehow is becomes a borderline person. She wouldn't leave me alone. She follows me everywhere I go, she threaten to kill herself when I suggested break up and was even violet at many occasions when she didn't get what she wanted. I have difficulties breaking up with her. She doesn't anyone to break up with her. So I keep waiting for the day when she will just decide to leave on her own but instead it has been almost 2 years, she still wouldn't leave. She is two years my senior and initially I thought she was really matured and a caring person but it turned out she really has a different personality.
    Her constant violent and threats are really frightening, she could just do anything without any remorse. Each time she was violent or loses her reason, I couldn't retaliate being the man. I have tried talking nicely to break up somehow she always will have a way to stay around again.
    She is living at my place and she hasn't even gone for (i don't know when). As she only work part time a few night a week, she practically follows me around even when I am at work.

    Can someone give me some suggestion?

  6. Betty July 15, 2010 at 8:06 pm #

    Eddie, I wonder why the girlfriend left Simon soon after he started to love her and was pleased with the relationship. If she fought so hard, why give up after she got what she wanted? It's obvious that Simon needs to work on himself, but I'd be interested in knowing the ex-girlfriend's POV.

  7. Jeroen May 23, 2013 at 8:15 pm #

    I can really relate to Simon. My ex gf broke up with me when I finally really fell in love with her. She was always testing me on how much I would do for her and was clingy. But that changed over time, she became less interested in me, and so I became more interested in her. I didn’t know I was losing her, because my growing love made me blind.

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