Years ago, I received a life-changing email.
I don’t know who forwarded it to me, but it was one of those that you take a short look at and then delete it immediately.
Luckily for me, I took a closer look.
It was about a man who suddenly died from a heart attack and left a caring wife behind. They had such beautiful plans for their lives, experiences they wanted to make, places they hoped to visit.
Now it was too late.
The passage from this email that I remember most was, “Take out your sterling cutlery and use it NOW. Don’t save it for ‘special occasions,' because the best time is NOW” .
This sentence symbolizes one of the most profound truths of life: Life is happening NOW, not tomorrow. Be happy NOW, not sometime in the future.
Why is understanding this truth so essential for our own happiness?
Because all of our unhappiness, and every negative thought and emotion that we associate with it, exists only in the nonexistent past or future.
Think about it.
What really causes your unhappiness?
Isn’t it always something that is in the past or future?
For example, if you are suffering from a recent breakup or divorce, isn’t your pain mostly grounded on the thought that you cannot make it alone in the FUTURE?
And isn’t it also caused by torturing memories from the PAST?
“Problems are mind-made and need time to survive. They cannot survive in the actuality of the Now.”
—Eckhart Tolle
The NOW is the place where happiness lies.
Only there are we completely free of judgment.
Happiness is an inward state of being – it is independent of feelings, thoughts, judgments, and circumstances.
Try it for a moment. Just be in the Now.
It’s not so weird and esoteric as you may think.
All it means is to still your “monkey mind” that is always jabbering and let the quiet and silent observer who resides deep inside of you observe this very moment.
Observe everything that is around you.
Observe the sun, the clouds, the ground under your feet, the people around you and especially observe the feelings, judgments, and thoughts you are having about those things.
Recognize that all these feelings, judgments and thoughts are NOT you.
You are the silent and still observer listening and watching it all.
This is the REAL you, who is at peace and NOT troubled by the hopes for the future and errors of the past.
Acceptance of this moment, embracing Now as it is, is where true happiness lies.
This is a big lesson of life.
Eckhart Tolle is a spiritual teacher and author of the bestsellers, “The Power of Now” and “A New Earth” . He had an unhappy childhood, and suffered most of his life from anxiety and suicidal depression, until one day he had a profound experience:
In his book “The Power of Now” , Eckhart Tolle describes his process of transformation from despair to self-realization – a guide to spiritual enlightenment.
I think that the ability to blend out past and future is essential for living a happy life.
As I already wrote some time ago, you can achieve that in many ways – mainly by shifting your awareness.
Of course, it is not possible to flip a switch and no longer be bothered by a troubled past, but you can go in small steps.
Every day take a little one. Until one day you have a state of mind that allows you to be in the present and to enjoy things truly NOW.
So, get out the sterling cutlery and use it NOW! You always wanted to travel to Italy?
Do it NOW!
Do you want to show your partner that you love them?
Do it NOW!
Because NOW is all there is.
NO yesterday, NO tomorrow. Only NOW.
Your friend,
Eddie Corbano
I am trying to live in NOW. But what I really want to do now, is call him and tell him, I love him. But we broke up already. How come I still want to undo the past. How come I still think he is a decent guy and wanna be with him. It has been almost 2 months since we broke. How come I still hope that we could get back together. How come I can’t let it go. Is it because we have dated for 8 years and suddenly he decided to end it?
Hi. I can totally relate. I have been with my ex, steady for two years and on and off for another two. 10 days ago I called him (was Sunday morning, 01:00) and he was standing outside a club drinking. I lost it and told him I had had enough. He wanted to talk about it the next day but I told him there was nothing more to be said.I havn’t seen or spoken to him since. He isn’t good for me. He has lied and cheated in the past and I would always forgive him and take him back. Every time we break up he runs to this other girl. And even though I know I deserve much better and he is all wrong for me, I still miss him terribly! I constantly think about him and wonder what he is doing and who is he with. I wonder if he’s with this other girl and if he does with her all the things he did with me. I wonder if she makes him laugh. Sometimes I just want to hear his voice so so so much! And even though I expected this, the pain is indescribable, it really does feel as though my heart is breaking. I cannot say anything to make it better all I can tell you is I know what you feeling.
To everyone,
I first visited this website when I was searching the web trying to find ways to get over my breakup about 6 or so months ago. I had already been 6 months into the break up when I found these great articles by Eddie. And needless to say I had done everything wrong any one can do after a break up. Trying desperately to get my ex back. Reading through the advice and articles on this website gave me some hope. In fact it gave me direction. Love yourself first; I would tell myself everyday. No contact, how to stop stalking your ex on facebook and how to regain control over your emotions; all these things helped me out alot.
I went from being a love sick loser to an in control person. Taking care of myself physically and mentally, and I should add I’ve never been in better shape my whole life. I took up boxing which just makes me feel great now. Forget about being with someone I liked (I’ve stopped saying I loved her), the break up was the best thing that happened to me; as Eddie did say so. And yes I will always agree, time will heal all and you WILL love again.
Things are back on track and I dont even miss her anymore. Life’s good meeting new people and discovering new hobbies and interests. To all the people who are hurting after a break up, you’ll get over it soon and you’ll look back at this time and laugh 🙂
Thanks Eddie.
Dear dawn…
i was feeling so low today….i opened up this blog after along time…
as i read these lines
“Be happy that you know you are capable of loving someone so much that it hurts, be happy that you had time with that person, and most of all be happy that you have another chance now to be with someone better”
“remind yourself at least I know how to love and can love someone again. There is always someone else out there!!! ”
trust me….tears rolled down my eyes….i bursted out crying ….iam still crying as i write this….
is crying a sign of weakness…??
it has been one and a half month and 13 days of nc
IT HURTS
i dont know whether i’ll ever get over a man who wronged me in every possible way….I JUST DONT KNOW….
how do i stay positive when i miss the old times terribly….what do u do..?
dear Eddie….any suggestions…?? m feeling very low….m home with my family….for a while…
still not feeling better…
Thank you dawn for sharing your story.
You’ve doing great, I can’t tell.
For me personally it was a big issue back then to NOT dwell upon the negative.
Keep it up!
My no-contact rule started this year August, only after breaking-up for nearly 2 years. Initially I thought that deleting his Windows Live Messenger contact without blocking would be sufficient but in mid-July, he tried to tell (hint) me that he has found a girl. That time I was really busy as I was doing my university co-curricular activities and 'sort of' ignored that conversation without thinking too long. After that, I blocked his contact until now. Only a month later, I thought that I was recovered already, I unblocked his facebook account, and found out that he has a girlfriend already.And I went on to block and unblock his facebook account intermittently for the past few months. He also tried to contact me (I was guessing that he might want to tell me about his current relationship status) via Yahoo messenger (I use more than one messengers and added him there too last time) but I wasn't beside my comp when he sent me message. And I finally blocked all his contacts after that incident.I felt like, there's no point for him to update me, as both of us have already resolved to not to cross each other's world anymore, although all the while I am seemed to be the more-reluctant-to-give-up party. That's why my NC rule started only recently when break-up is soon three years.I guess, it is right to always remind ourselves that our happiness is in our hands. There's absolutely nothing to gain. Even though how much tears I have shed for this worthless guy, he wouldn't know and appreciate.After reading the comments, I am glad to know that I am not alone in fighting for my happiness.
Hi everyone its christina 🙂 i started posting about a a month ago i think and have said a few things about my break up. At first i was really sad, feeling depressed, tried to do things with friends and nothing worked. but im gladly to say now…that Im doing great:) besides my ex calling my house constantly all day for 3 weeks calling me vulgar nasty names on my answering machine, stalking me, and doing anything possible to TRY to make my life a living hell. I DECIDED to go get an order of protection.:) so now mr. “I CAN DO WHAT I WANT ! AND HARRASS YOU ALL DAY EVERY DAY…wont be able to anymore. ANYONE WHO IS READING THIS…BEST ADVISE….TIME IS EVERYTHING! TIME HEALS! TIME GIVES YOU KNOWLEDGE AND POWER THAT YOU NEVER KNEW YOU HAD.cuz about 3 weeks ago i let him do whatever he wanted and harrass and abuse me. and now i went from being head over heals in love thought i couldnt be without him..to absoutly hating him. i will never date someone who is controlling, doesnt let me hang with friends, call me names, puts his hands on me, verbally and physically abusive…ever again!! i just got a new job, im single,happy, and worrying about me for once. good luck to everyone ! ***you can do bad all by yourself 🙂 never let anyone mis treat you or tell you your self worth…
I can relate to you a little bit. After almost 6years of living together, We broke up a week ago and now he wants to get back with me, but i dont want to anymore. He texts me everyday saying how sad he is and there’s no reason for him to live anymore and he wants to die, etc. I told him over and over that i don’t want to be in a relationship with anybody right now and he’s not getting it. I don’t know what else to do to to make him understand. I know he’s hurt but like i said, i don’t want to be in a relationship. How do i make him understand that? I need some advice.
Hi my names matt I'm 23.So me and my girl just split almost a month ago. I chased her for almost a year (not to be cocky but which ive never chased a girl). I'm very picky about my girls and I look for a relationship not a fling. Long story short I have had a problem with her being friends with her ex fiance. That she slept with about a month before she committed. Anyways I know I shouldnt want to be with her but even though I should of ended things twice before we pretty much agreed to split mutually. I have no trust for her and I know she's deceitful but I'm unfortunately madly in love with her. I've blocked her from facebook and we haven't spoken since the break. I'm just going through the motions of life right now. I've tried the different distractions to keep myself from communicating with her but its really tough I constantly find myself thinking of her. My heart seriously hurts. I want her so bad but I know its the wrong thing. I was in a relationship for four years before and this is love I can tell….i can feel it. I don't know how to get out of this funk I'm in. and time just seems to make it worst. I don't know how to get responses our where to post this so I'm just sending you a message. All in all I feel like I found the one but on the flip side I don't. What can I do I'm not happy and kind of depressed. any thoughts?
Hey there..i just read what you posted…and i just wanted to say that i can relate to how your feeling and what your going through. I broke up with my bf over 2 weeks ago and its the hardest thing ever. I can say that some days will be good and other days can be really bad. I also try to keep myself distracted but nothing reallly helps when your in love with some one and you cant stop think about them constantly. But what i can say is…that the reason my bf and i broke up is cause we had alot of problems..that escalated because he didnt TRUST ME. i read what you wrote, and your situation.and you made it sound like you didnt trust her cuz she was friends with her ex and so on. if you think that you can really try to trust her and make a big change cuz you love her then give it a chance..but if in your heart you truley think you cant, then you need to try you hardest to move on. my bf and i fought for 2 and a half yrs. no matter how much you love someone, if you cant fix your problems then you need to end it and move on. as far as thinking about her and feeling depressed, its a hard process, believeme i know. just think to yourself..its just a phase…and over time, you will feel better…whatever happens is meant to be.
Yeah it really does suck like you said some days are better than others. I didn't make a big deal out of her ex. but when she lied and tried to hide it from me that she slept with him about 2 weeks before she finally committed to me and lied about not talking to him and me catching her right in front of her. So its not like I don't have a reason to not trust her cause I do. That's what makes this so hard cause I know I did everything I could. Idk if we will ever talk again but I miss her but I know I need to let her go and move on. But I still want her for some crazy reason that I don't know.
HI. my name is christina and i'm 25yrs old. This is my first post. I came across this web site and reading everything helps a lil, but not alot yet cause i just broke up with my bf one week ago.i'm not doing so well cuz i was very use to my routine with him. and i was extremely comfortable with him….he was my everything.but we had kind of a sick twisted kind of love. and what i mean by that is..we loved eachother tremendously! but always agrued really bad. we had our ups and downs.but always no matter how bad our fights got..we always got back together.**i started to feel drained form it all though cuz after 2 and a half yrs. nothing ever changed like he said it would.then the fighting got worse.he would push me, pull my hair,choke me, or even knock me down when we were argueing and cover my mouth. I love him very much..so i just thought it was ok cuz we were fighting.AND I THOUGHT IN MY HEAD..THAT WHEN IT GOOD..THINGS ARE GOOD. SO TO LET IT GO.AND IT WAS JUST A FIGHT. but i finally came to my senses and realized that it was not right for him to do those things to me. and nothing was changing. so i broke up with him. he smashed my keyboard at 3am and cut up all my cloths in my driveway. he calls my house and calls me a f**ckin whore and a skank on my answering machine. BUT I'M TRYING THE NO CONTACT THING. AND i have family and friends that are there for me.tried going out for drinks with friends last night. but nothing really seems to get my mind off of him.I LOVE HIM .I FEEL LIKE BIG PIECE OF ME IS MISSING. did i do the right thing? i'm very confused. i'm tempted to call him. but my gut tells me not to. keeping busy doesnt help much. and i just feel lost and extremely hurt. so my question is….did i do the right thing…and what do i do to stop thinking about him…help im very confused
I’m so sorry for what you are going thru. I strongly believe that you are doing the right thing by leaving him and not contacting him. You are in an abusive relationship and you even said that it has been escalating from time, so you don’t know what he is going to try to do the next time he gets mad. Stay strong and far away from him.
Hi there, thankyou for your response. I really appreciate it. since i left that message i've been feeling better. I went camping with some friends and had a really good time. I realized that to just LET EVERYTHING GO THAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST.and learned that no matter how much you love someone, after a certain point you have to draw the line if things do not change. you cant fix it if its already broken. after trying for so long i realized that loving him was not enough…ii couldnt change him.AND WE HAD MORE BAD TIMES THAN GOOD.AGRUED AND FOUGHT REALLY BAD THROUGH MOST OF OUR RELATIONSHIP.i lost i could breath with out him. and when we fight let his nasty words not me down. BUT NOW** I REALIZED THAT I CAN PUT IT ALL BEHIND ME..AND NO MATTER HOW MAD A MAN GETS..THERES NO EXUSE WHY HE SHOULD PUT HIS HANDS ON A GIRL..AT ALL PERIOD. I REALIZED I WALKED OUT OF THIS FEELING STRONGER AND FEEL LIKE NO ONES WORDS WILL EVER BREAK ME DOWN.:) HE JSUT SENT ME A REALLY NASTY E-MAIL.I WAS TEMPTED TO RESPOND…BUT THEN I REALIZED THAT HE S PROB WAITING FOR A REACTION OR RESPONCE…AND I WILL BE THE ONE GETTING THE SATISFACTION IF I DO NOT RESPOND. NO CONTACT AT ALL IS THE KEY! IF I STICK TO IT..I STONGLLY BELIEVE I CAN FINALLY MOVE ON TO BETTER THINGS AND BEING HAPPY.
You're better off without him. No one has the right to physically hurt anyone, you're young and have a whole life ahead of you…Be strong and stay away from him, soon, when you least expect it the right guy will come along, and I'm sure you'll be more selective of who deserves to have you're heart and you're love.
Hi there, it's christina again. its about midnight on wed and im not doing so well. Last time i posted i was feeling really good and strong, but whats been going on since then im not doing so well. I feel like the same thing has repeating itself over and over and over time again for over 2 and a half yrs. my whole life feels like it revolves around this guy EVERY SINGLE DAY! and all tell you why, its because he will not leave me alone. usually we fight, break up for a week, and i go crawling back to him time and time again. but this time is different! i havent called him, instant messaged him, e-mailed him, i mean nothing in over 2 weeks just about. and he keeps calling my house. leaving nasty messages on my answering machine, e-mailing me, instant messaging me when i check my e-mail. it just wont stop. so i responded and told him to leave me alone and that we re no longer together, but he just wont stop. FOR EXAMPLE he e mailed me today. saying..WHERE ARE YOU SKANK?!I DROVE BY YOUR HOUSE AND YOUR NOT HOME. UR PROB OUT F**CKING SOME GUY YOU f**cKIN WHORE. AND ECT. HE JUST WONT QUIT IT! SO IM VERY CONFUSED CUZ I FEEL LIKE ITS GONNA CONTINUE, AND I FEEL LIKE NOTHING I DO Is WORKING. i love him, but i really do not want to get back together cuz i didnt like a lot of things about our relationship. like how he was always paranoid,,i could never hang out with any girlfriends, i always had to call him so he knew my where abouts, he has a bad temper , ect. so im done. anyways, dont mean to go on and on about it sorry…just need some advise. cause im really bothered dealing with this everyday……..thanks!!!!!
I think u should not be in this relationship at all not at all
Morning All, Most of you will still be in your bed as i type this as i'm in bonny Scotland…i have recently (Sun 8th Aug) found out that my wife of 16yrs has been having an Emotional Affair with someone from her running club. What a bombshell, as i had helped her through the last 17 years dealing with the abuse she has suffered. Worst still, we have 2 wee daughters who have been torn apart by this. We have told everyone that its amicable and that no one is blame…this approach will help to keep the peace as we live in a small village in central scotland. Its so tempting to blow the lid on her and tell the world what an insensitive, cold, uncaring human being she is. But one thing a friend told me was…at all times, keep your dignity. I know the truth will out one day. Now to my question; She's off to a barbecue this saturday so i will have the kids….shes a very beautiful girl and is going to look and smell amazing…. what tools/mechanisums can i use to help me cope with this? So far your site has been a source of great comfort to me…”your strenght within will amaze yourself” Ian
Thank you for the great advice, its been about four days since my boyfriend broke up with me and I'm already moving forward and making the best out of my life, I mean sure I do feel pain and sadness, but I push it away because I will not find my own happiness if I dwell on the past I am living now and should deserve to be happy. And I'm quite the observer so it has helped a lot to just keep a calm mind just staring off to your surroundings.
Im still having a trouble spots. It has been almost 2 1/2 months of no contact…and I have put everything into a No Contact folder on my computer, ie pics videos email…so i dont have to accidently run into them. I have really good days and then really bad days. Im just trying not to see the bad days as complete “relapses” or “failures” but more as bumps in the long road to recovery…
If i can rationalized the situation and tell myself all the right things….why do i still secretly want him to ask me back? Why am i hoping to run into him? I tell myself that its so i can show him how well i've done without him, that i am my own person..but secretly I think its just so i can see him.
I get so confused that i can tell myself i don't need to be with someone who doesn't respect/want me…but then i want him So badly. I feel in danger of becoming a character from a LifeTime original movie…
You still feel like that after two and a half months?? God, I'm not going to survive this, am I? It's only been a week and I just don't want to feel like this any more! How can I bear MONTHS of pain? I hoped that I wouldn't still want him back after maybe a month, especially since he hasn't contacted me at all. But two and a half months without him, and it still hurts like that? I'm never going to get away from this feeling, am I? Just misery as far as the eye can see. Maybe I'll get lucky and get hit by a car.
Fluffy,
Its not uncommon, so Im told, to be hurting months into the breakup. Its all apart of the healing process. I would be worried if i didn't feel this way. Feeling the hurt and pain is part of your body and minds way of recovering. I have to apologize if i sounded hopeless above…not hopeless at all. I just get frustrated with my thoughts and i have to write it on here because it makes me feel better. Erasing him from my life was very hard..but VERY helpful. If you re-read the above note. I put it all into a folder that i don't have to check, that way its not so “permanent” like throwing him away like they did to us. But for our own peace of mind. Then you need to occupy yourself…a lot. Please don't get hit by a car!!! You will survive this. Let out your frustrations on this page and Eddie and everyone else will help you and help each other. I don't know what I would do without this outlet. Eddie has been an amazing source of encouragement. Please hang in there : )
See…today was a really good day. You bounce back from your “bad” days, and live life and realize that your life hasn't ended. It just got a flat tire. SO CHANGE IT and get back in the car and drive!
Thank you StupidScot and lettingo. I can't believe how hard this is, and I still wonder why this is happening to me. Today has not been a good day for me. I actually don't have full “good days” yet anyway. I am really struggling with not having a job right now and spending so much time alone. It's hard to feel lost and rejected while you're recovering from not even being gainfully employed like the rest of the human race. I know I have to start doing things for myself, like taking walks and such, but some days it is very hard to motivate myself. I know that my ex is at home right now with his bimbo, probably enjoying the good weather and having a ball. It drives me nuts, and I really REALLY hope that eventually I'll be able to find some sort of pleasure in something. Right now it doesn't seem very likely.
It seems that way now. I was in a type of emotional “coma” for weeks. But then you have to pull yourself up…because you are the only one that can do it. Yes with the help from friends and family but remember that you need to do it for yourself. Because your worth it, and worthy of love : )
Dear Fluffy, you wrote this 9 months ago…
I hope you see this comment, and tell us are you better, and how everything turned out? Hope you are ok, because now, I need some hope too 🙂
It's been 7 months for me now, and this week would have been our 5th anniversary. While I'd like to say that a couple of months is all it takes to get through this, the reality is that it isn't. It does get easier as time goes by- though it was months before I even felt the slightest improvement in my condition.
With regard to your still wanting him back, once again, I can relate. My ex has now been with someone else for about 8 months now, they've travelled the world together- most infuriating is when I see pictures of them in places that I brought her to while we were together- she tells everyone that she's “never felt like this before.” Yet I still want her back. Part of me is aware that I miss the person she was rather than the person she now is, but that doesn't do much to alleviate the painful longing.
While she set off in a new relationship, I had trouble sleeping, eating.. pretty much lost interest in life in general. I dropped 13 kilograms within 5 months. I've since recovered for the most part, regained most of that lost weight and returned to my old (and new!) activities, and while I do recognise the vital role those months played in my healing process, I do somewhat regret the time and opportunities I lost along the way.
Having said that, don't focus too much on the misery. I know it's exceedingly easy to slip into despair and fantasize about all sorts of nasty accidents and how one's ex would respond upon hearing the news, but you've got to try your best to avoid that slippery slide. Believe in yourself as a person and try to better discover yourself as an individual; just keep holding on to your faith and don't give up hope for the future (by this I don't mean a future with your ex, but instead a future for yourself). You'll be surprised by the things you could learn about yourself.
Take care, and I hope that weight lifts off you soon.
I love this!
Eddie, I honestly don't know what I would have done if I didn't find this website. It has given me the most solid and honest advice, and beyond just dealing with the breakup I feel like I'm on a whole new path in my life. There aren't enough words I can use to thank you, but I honestly feel that this site has changed everything about my life. I feel stronger, happier, and more in control than I ever have. Thank you!
Wow, thank you for your kind words. You're welcome, I am very happy that I could help.
Very nice Eddie.:-)
but how to overcome the past which surface in our mind from time to time. i try so much to forget my ex n all the lies n hurt he gave me. n he dare laugh and say he cheated on me wen we were together. how can he b so insensitive? eddie why only sincere heart suffer? do those people who cheat ever suffer.. i dnt think so they always hapy n get everythng they want in life
This is One of the amazing thread u have posted Eddie.I always wanted to read something related to god's greatest gift and that is LIFE and NOW in your words.
A week or two after NC i was struggling to find happiness in my life…too much caught up with past and shattered future dream with ex,i felt life was devastating.But then i got a similar e mails,which made me realize the importance of today and the greatest gift in life is LIFE itself….And i even realize no matter what i do,i can never change the past. At least i can try to be happy and enjoy the moments which can automatically make our future beautiful….
Thanks once again for this thread eddie…. Realizing the Power of now is very important in the process of healing….
Thanks Berny :).
Yes thank you Eddie, I'm having issues handling alot of things that has happened over this past month and this article really perked me up.
The sad thing is, is that I've always had this way of thinking until the last 6 months where it just seems to have vanished from me all of a sudden.
Thank you again, this is a fantastic article!