“Pain is inevitable in life, but suffering is optional.” —The Buddha
Practising Buddhism means devoting your life to counteract suffering … in a nutshell.
This also makes it predestined to use the tools it offers to help deal with the devastating emotional consequences of a break-up or divorce.
We non-Buddhists should be open to every form of teaching that gives us relief, and which makes us grow as a person. This goes for all the philosophies available out there.
We shouldn't be bound to the tenets of our own tradition and education, but use our good judgment to decide which other ones would also make a good fit in our lives.
Having said that, I recently read an interesting article about how to use the teachings of Buddha to soothe our pain of a divorce or break-up.
The title immediately caught my interest, but does it deliver what it promises?
“Buddhist teachings are not a religion, they are a science of the mind.” —The Dalai Lama
The central message of the article is that the teachings of the young Buddha, who escaped the “perfect world surrounding” of his father and clashed with a world of suffering, is the perfect help for someone who is going through a divorce.
Essentially, it is a similar experience to leaving the safe refuge of marriage.
While going through the pain of this experience is inevitable, and can often act as a catalyst for personal growth, the suffering is not.
Therefore the article offers six different teachings that should help you to reduce unnecessary suffering.
These teachings are Attachments, Compassion, Karma, Mindfulness, Aversion, Impermanence.
What made the most sense to me was the concept of “Attachment” and “Mindfulness.”
In the face of ambiguity and uncertainty, your instinct will be to grasp at what you know and once had, but according to the Buddha, these attachments create suffering. Learning to release your attachments to any particular outcomes in the past, present, or future will lead to a more peaceful existence.
Attachments to certain outcomes create suffering, and releasing these attachments will lead to a more peaceful existence.
For example, after a break-up we are attached and slave to the notion that everything must be as it was before again. We resist change.
So we try to get our Ex back, give our power away, and do lots of stupid things.
The attempt to control things that are beyond our reach only creates frustration.
Mindfulness is, in my opinion, one of the best ways to lead your life, to shut out the past and future, and to only live in the NOW.
It's stepping back and observing YOURSELF, how you perceive your surroundings, observing your own thoughts and attitude towards exterior things.
That way you ensure that you are always on the right path in your recovery and life.
The article offers not so much for concrete exercises, as it offers useful philosophies and ideas to change your thinking towards a divorce or break-up.
But I suggest you read it with an open mind and pick out what made the most sense to you that you can use in your own life.
You can find the article about the six Buddhist teachings that can help soothe the pain of divorce here.
As I've said, everything that helps us, makes us grow and widens our horizons, can't be that bad.
Your friend,
Eddie Corbano
I am in my 12th day post break up and it still hurts so much. I cut all contacts and unfriended him on fb, but I I still stalk. He had so many things going on, he said he needed time, and I felt I was like manipulated, duped, at his age 52 years old and to tell me that his siblings are against of our relationship. He was just making excuses and no balls to call me just email
Hi Eddie read every article here 2or three times and I keep coming back daily, hoping for something new.I know this is a passion of yours,the website and that you probably have a life(well I know that you do) outside of this lol-where as some of us are just stuck in nomans land floundering wanting to be detoxed.I started journalling today– expressing feelings mainly and it was sad to see the words that I had written-apathy-emptiness-displaced-depleted- deflated-morose-blue funk-.I want to get better and move on but feel soo stuck-It is a push pull thing-One day feeling ok next a whole week of being soo sad and apathetic about everything.I sleep a lot and hide away hoping when I wake up the black cloud will be gone.I know and understand why my ex was not a good fit for me-I need to raise the bar higher so that I won’t let people walk on me-I deserve soo much better than what I got-I have used this time for introspection and see I need to state my wants and needs clearly in the next relationship.I know I am grieving the man he wasn’t and the relationship I wished it was.Here is to more articles when you have time-thanks Eddie for all you do do and for being being that beacon in the dark that we can all head to.
blessings going out to you and yours,
Brenda
Hi Brenda,
Thank you for your kind words and sharing your story.
I assure you that more articles are on the way, I am working on lots of new things :). Coming soon here at LovesAGame.com…
Dear Eddie,
I have read any article of your website at least 2 times.
They are awesome.
I give you my prayers for every day happiness.
I understood what is best for me, I understood I am strong enough to handle “the pain” and I finally made the right decision, I let go of my Ex..
Please write more often, for me and all the people you have inspired.
I am looking forward to read your new article.